My brother and colleague Emeka Ozumba, the Deputy Chief Press Secretary to The Governor of Anambra State visited me in the office yesterday. As we were getting on with our usual banter on work, family, life, the 2020 Police Games holding in Anambra State and other stuff, a relative of mine was ushered in.
His visit took me by surprise as it was late in the evening and past official hours.
He told me that he had come earlier and was told i was out. He said he decided that he must wait to see me for some important discussions.
I asked him if the discussions could wait until after Emeka leaves but he declined, insisting that he knows Emeka and wanted him as witness to our discussions. This older relative of mine then went on with his demands without first enquiring after my welfare, family and so on.
I asked him if the discussions could wait until after Emeka leaves but he declined, insisting that he knows Emeka and wanted him as witness to our discussions. This older relative of mine then went on with his demands without first enquiring after my welfare, family and so on.
He was just after his own matter. He wanted me to help secure a piece of land for him somewhere in Awka for his business saying that his business suffered misfortune 3 years ago. He wanted me also to secure a job for his daughter who got married few years ago. I had helped this daughter of his through school and also supported her wedding.
As if these were not enough, he said that he was recording our discussions on his phone and that should anything happen to him as a result of my not being able to fulfill his demands, he wanted the whole family to know that i was responsible as he had brought the demands to me and i failed to take any action.
At this point, Emeka in bewilderment wondered aloud how brazen and selfish one can be. Emeka accused him of trying to blackmail me emotionally but this relative of mine wouldn’t have none of that. He continued by reminding me that i have now been at my job as a political appointee for 5 years and should be doing more for him and his family.
I couldn’t take it anymore but was restrained by Emeka from kicking him out of my office, what guts, what nonsense. I asked him what rights he has to be doing my political appointment countdown for me, was he the one that got the appointment for me? Did he train me in school? Do i owe him anything?
For a man that i have for years supported, and his family. I helped train some of his children in school, i must say that i was indeed disappointed. We didn’t part on a good note and i marked him immediately as one ungrateful freeloader to be avoided. Such false sense of entitlement is very nauseating.
Thinking about this today, i couldn’t help but pity some political office holders who are suffering from such huge weight of expectations from family, friends, associates and the larger society. That people see us wear red caps, wear ‘peteli’, hear our names being mentioned in the media, and being photographed with Chief Executive of the state does not mean that we have become ‘made men’. As we say in ‘Naija’, ‘all na packaging’.
If many people actually find out the true financial position of some political appointees they know, they would not only pity them, they would launch ‘gofundme’ appeal fund campaigns for them. Many are indeed struggling.
Forget the glam lifestyle Dino Melaye and Speaker of the House of Representatives , Hon. Femi Gbajabiamila portray in their Gucci suits, Dubai trips, fancy apartments, wander-on-wheels garages etc, all that glitters indeed are not gold. I hope this relative of mine understands this. I hope he understands too that i don’t owe him anything.
By Uche Nworah
As if these were not enough, he said that he was recording our discussions on his phone and that should anything happen to him as a result of my not being able to fulfill his demands, he wanted the whole family to know that i was responsible as he had brought the demands to me and i failed to take any action.
At this point, Emeka in bewilderment wondered aloud how brazen and selfish one can be. Emeka accused him of trying to blackmail me emotionally but this relative of mine wouldn’t have none of that. He continued by reminding me that i have now been at my job as a political appointee for 5 years and should be doing more for him and his family.
I couldn’t take it anymore but was restrained by Emeka from kicking him out of my office, what guts, what nonsense. I asked him what rights he has to be doing my political appointment countdown for me, was he the one that got the appointment for me? Did he train me in school? Do i owe him anything?
For a man that i have for years supported, and his family. I helped train some of his children in school, i must say that i was indeed disappointed. We didn’t part on a good note and i marked him immediately as one ungrateful freeloader to be avoided. Such false sense of entitlement is very nauseating.
Thinking about this today, i couldn’t help but pity some political office holders who are suffering from such huge weight of expectations from family, friends, associates and the larger society. That people see us wear red caps, wear ‘peteli’, hear our names being mentioned in the media, and being photographed with Chief Executive of the state does not mean that we have become ‘made men’. As we say in ‘Naija’, ‘all na packaging’.
If many people actually find out the true financial position of some political appointees they know, they would not only pity them, they would launch ‘gofundme’ appeal fund campaigns for them. Many are indeed struggling.
Forget the glam lifestyle Dino Melaye and Speaker of the House of Representatives , Hon. Femi Gbajabiamila portray in their Gucci suits, Dubai trips, fancy apartments, wander-on-wheels garages etc, all that glitters indeed are not gold. I hope this relative of mine understands this. I hope he understands too that i don’t owe him anything.
By Uche Nworah
So much entitlement from an ungrateful relative.
ReplyDeleteI understand relatives can be very entitled! But givers too can be very very entitled too and extreme users!
DeleteI used to sound a bit this way till life HUMBLED me and took me to the other side of the world to see what it was like.
I grew up with nothing less than five (5) people in our sit out waiting for my Dad EVERY morning to beg for assistance. *true*! So we have dealt with all sorts of people and their manner of entitlement and some grateful ones too.
Life turned around for me in my adult age (story for another day). I found myself sometimes in a situation where I go days without food because I had no money. I kept it to myself because I can't imagine disturbing anybody; besides their favorite line is that *I had inheritance stocked somewhere (if only they knew how far for real).
I withdrew from friends and was doing my thing. One childhood friend of mine kept trying to buzz me, but I just didn't want anyone knowing how bad things had gone. Till oneday I let her in. We talked hours endless for 2months all about her new fly life, plus me giving advice here and there and i was happy for her.
Things got too messy again that this particular period I haven't eaten in two days and was so weak. She kept calling but I had no energy to talk. I finally picked and opened up to her a little bit of what I was going through. Asked her for assistance and promised to pay back. The way and manner her voice switched to harshness was shocking. She said she'll see wat she will do in two weeks time (me that haven't seen food in 2days). I didn't argue but regretted opening up. That two weeks was hell. She kept talking to me like I was trash. Sometimes I will take a double flip to be sure it was her. I have helped this girl countless times when all was good. Even when I changed school, I will travel abroad and buy her things and visit school to give her.
She did send it 2wks later though and I DEEPLY appreciated regardless of her attitude. But she changed* right before my eyes. Told every ear we knew she gave me money. Unfortunately, I don't know how to lick ass, so I stayed away from her for my sanity! She did A LOT I can't even type here before I came to that conclusion of staying on my own, so I can focus! At a point she took it upon her to be mocking me steadily on whatsapp till i blocked her. I kept wondering what her problem was. But I gave this girl A LOT in the past and she kept coming back because she liked attaching to me. It was then it dawned on me that her attachment on me was because we were rich. 23yrs of friendship gone because I got broke and hungry?
The essence of this comment is to point out that sometimes the givers are equally terrible themselves. They forget nothing in life is guaranteed. Some will give you old clothes and expect you to come clean their house for 4weeks as appreciation. If life didn't take me to the other side briefly, would NEVER have understood.
Sometimes the urgency of their need maybe critical, but you will not care because you are feeling ontop or looking for who to worship you first.
Give if you have and are pushed by God to give. Forget the attitude of the receiver! We do it for God. If you don't have it, leave it. If you also don't want to, it's not a must to give. Simple*
Wow 16.39, that was quite a read. I hope things are better for you now. Humans/friends can be fickle.
DeleteHmmmm. So touched by your story.
DeleteHope things are much better now.
I can relate,though I won't say I got it bad. But I know what having a really wealthy father is like,loosing him and things changing.
All the relatives that wanted you ard cos you were rich now indirectly mocking you.
I thank God for my mother who tried her best to maintain to a little degree standard of life we were accustomed too.
But the way some of her peers even family started looking down on her becos circumstances had changed. She was no longer decked out in finest jewellery and designer clothes and dishing out money to relatives again. Infact she couldn't afford all their aso-ebi cos she had kids to educate.
We are all graduates and doing well now.
Profound. If u have not tasted both sides u will not know how the shoe pinches. It is well.
Delete16:39 wow! Thank you for sharing.
DeleteAnon 16:39 are you saying when you were a giver you were a terrible person? I'm sure the answer is no. Your "friend" became a horrible person after giving just once. Pls she is not a giver she was obviously an oportunist whom you are better off without. This post is for people that feel entitled to what you have just because.....they are NEVER satisfied. You found it hard to ask even when you really didn't have (trust me you don't fall under that category)
DeleteAnonymous 18:14 she is not wrong. Some givers are terrible and wicked
DeleteNot all givers, I have met wonderful givers besides her friend is not a giver, most true givers give without you asking, they sense it in their spirit, they just give you without you needing it, so you guys should learn to spot the difference, there are natural born givers if you have such as a friend they will just call you up to come share something with them, they could just send you money without asking etc. But some are compelled to give it is not in their spirit at all, if you dont ask several times they won't give, and when they do they may never speak to you after lol
Delete@16:39 I'm so sorry. Some people are just drains. They want to take all they can from you and if you are ever in a position where you need their help, they forget you once helped them.
DeleteI had things abit tough in 2018 and all the friends I helped brought their fangs out. Some I dashed business capital to, would loan me money and announce to the world. This is money I would pay back when due oh! But they will announce it as if I've never done for them before, as if it's something to be announced.
I can't believe how much if a loner I've become #notimeforfreeloaders Now my new mantra is: I don't have. I don't know. I don't think it is my problem. I even changed my numbers, and I have so much peace of mind. Now many of them are trying to get in touch with people who may know what I am up to, so that they can know how to get back in my good books and probably receive support from me. Rubbish
When things like that happen, its God saving you from carrying burden in the name of friendship. I am certain you will rise again and this time you will be wiser. Dont bend over backwards for anyone. Do friendship with caution. What is not convenient is not convenient.
Also, these habits are often generational.
DeleteMy dad was a giver and a sacrificer and I watched people do him bad in return. He never stopped and infact he can't stop in this old age. Haha!!
So I figured it was a hand-me-down from him, to trust people very easily and expect more from them than they actually are. I never saw him resist the urge to be taken for granted so I probably took that from him. It's an unconscious thing, getting comfortable in your parents shoes. Well, now that i know, my fangs are very out.
And guess what? Freeloaders know who they offload. I have elder sisters who are married and quite wealthy. Yet, people hang on me for assistance more than my elder ones. Me that is ummarried, hustling and still managing my small life. Sometimes, even my sisters would use style to ask for stuff for their kids cos they know I will always do. So now, I've learnt to set boundaries and tell people clearly "I dont have". Cos when I need financial help I usually see no one to support me. Even my sisters will give me a hard time before they do.
Thanks everyone for your replies. I am Anon 16:39.
DeleteYes EV and Anon 17:22 I am better and still pushing. Humans are truly unreliable and very fickle.
You are right 17:23, if I didn't taste the otherside, may never have truly understood.
17:32, you are most welcome 😍
18:14. Nope, I wasn't a terrible giver. I may have equally judged a few people wrongly myself back then following your line of thoughts. The other side made me understand how a *needy* person truthfully feels. Sometimes all some* givers see is *beggy beggy*; meanwhile the urgency of the person's need is *critical*. Some givers are terrible I maintain, forgive me. I know what I saw. This can't be my only story. I shared this because I could kill for the person who did this. Her own hurt* me most!
Some people who ask for assistance are terrible too. I could write a book on entitled* people myself. But in the end, it takes a lot of guts to beg. If you feel otherwise or don't have, say no politely. You have no reason to be all pissed about it!
18:57 thanks for understanding what I meant 😍
Thank you 21:28. My dear it hurts more when you get that treatment from people you love and have assisted in the past.
You'll just be calculating how long this person had secretly prayed for your downfall without your knowledge.
Life is a TEACHER.
Thank you all for all the replies. This is truly a family. Love you all ❤
I get the entitlement thing. But why is it that most of our so called family members who made it to the top don't even bother to help their family at home? They're always happy when you keep coming back to beg them for stippends which you can actually make more than that amount if only they had given you something to start a business or link you up to get a job...
ReplyDeleteYou sef work hard to make it to the top so that you can help everybody in your family as onye obioma that you are..
DeleteTo collect & expect too dey sweet people..
They will never be convinced that you are broke & don't have until you relocate back to the village to live with them..
Chizzy J..
You too work hard and stop being beggar. Stop bothering people in your family because you see them to be successful, go and make your own money to know what they are going through. Enough !.
DeleteNa Dem...
DeleteGo and work. Nobody owes you nada
Go and ask Boris Johnson how much he gives to his relatives. It's this pressure and wanting to measure up to expectations that has made our politicians to become thieves today, thesame pressure has made a lot of us delve into things we shouldn't because some set of relatives like you think any family member that works must look after those that are not ready to help themselves. Please go look for something to do no matter how little and try helping others so you know how it feels sometimes.
DeleteUndertow,they won't help family but will gladly help friends. My cousin was like that when she finished her house she brought in her friends and left me. When life was good she made all her friends presentable then table turned, she back to square one all the friends japa,everything turn sore. Then she remember she had me I have been helping her but I'm deeply hurt.
DeleteNa dem oo
DeleteMy dear live your life as if you dont have any rich relative anywhere to back you up o.
DeleteNever expect anything from anyone that way you will never be dissapointed by people.
A relative looking for job for you isn't a bad thing. But even if they decide not to help,don't put your mind there.
The truth is the only people that owe you any kind of help is your parents. And even after they had fulfilled their duty educating and nurturing you,if they still decide they don't have any money to give you for business, don't be angry with them. They have given you the tools to make it in life which is education,food ,shelter and nurturing which is their duty as parents.
We all owe one another, imagine if dangote only employed only members of his family or his state, some of us say things ignorantly, when you have assist people without them asking but dont over stretch yourself because tomorrow you may be in a situation worse than them, life is funny.
DeleteNobody owes you anything. They do if they want to; its not by force.
DeleteDangote will employ whoever is competent for the job. Be it his relative in Hausa land or an igbo man from Anambra.
I have applied and gotten jobs no one knows me. The M.D. doesn't owe me jack to give me a job. You get such job because you are qualified,it isn't a favour or help. You are providing a service for a company and getting paid for your work.
Nothing wrong in an uncle or aunty getting you a job or money to start a business. The key it isnt your right. It is a favour and if they don't do it. Go work hard to raise it. Some people travel abroad and don't know a soul there. Don't they make it without rich relative.
Bed and Rose's, I have seen people who would rather employ their relatives who are unqualified than outsiders that are qualified, if everyone had that mentality what would this world be like, just tone it down life is very strange and can shame you the next second.
DeleteThose of you here saying" go & work hard",did the person tell you dat he/she wasn't working hard before expecting assistance from others??..do you know something called "destiny helpers?"...it means dat no matter how hard you work in life,you still need SOMEONE to take you to the top!!..& dat person could be your friend,relative or even a stranger!..Nobody was born an island.So,if you like struggle on your own from now till when you're 80yrs,if you don't pray for helpers to come your way,you won't still achieve your destiny to the fullest.
DeleteP.S. pls,you people should stop this American ideology of individualism.it doesn't help them or us.And that's why you see many Americans dying from depression & the rest.Pls,when you need help,CRY OUT(like the blind man in d Bible dat needed Jesus help),& let someone help.many people prefer dying in silence(to avoid talk),than coming out to seek help.
😁😁😁😁😁😁relative from the pit of hell. My aunty that has never called me nor look for me all her life immediately she heard I was married quickly contacted me that she would like me to help her train her fight daughter up to university level😕 can you imagine? Newly wedded fah. I just blocked her no and pretended network was bad. Some relations and entitlement mentality Na five and six.
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣🤣 your own small. As soon as I got into the abroad, I was still searching for a job, my senior cousin that has never ever bought pant for me called me to help her complete her building at home. Is that not witchcraft ni? This woman hated me until she died simply because I told her to say thesame thing to her younger sister is is older than me.
DeleteMy fathers junior sister who has been living in a flat in my fathers house for over 20yrs he has died. No rent nothing.
DeleteWe said we want to sell the property. She said before she can leave we have to build her a house she will move to first. Build kini ? Have we built my mother house.
This same woman my father built her a house in the village next to his. And she rented it out and is collecting the rent.
We sold the property with her present there.
Lol @ 17.36. This your story sweet me jare.
DeleteBlack diamond dont see life that way, her daughter may be the one to help your kids tomorrow, I remember a neighbour who blocked the husband's nephew from coing to live them when they newly married, 16 years later her hubby died and her son had to go live with her husband's nephew and the guy really took care of them, your aunt may be the type that kept saying she will contact you guys when she has something to give you only for days to turn to years, eevn
DeleteYou know what has helped me with these entitled relatives and their demands? Being clear in my communication with them. If they ask me for money and I don't want to give them, instead of aaying I'll see what I can do or I don't have right now, I simply reply I will not give you.
ReplyDeleteMy clarity has helped them understand better that I am not embarrassed by not wanting to give which lets them know I'm not a candidate for emotional blackmail. When they push, I ask them what previous investment they made in me personally that makes them believe they have something to reap? I'm not combative, just polite and firm. It has helped stop plenty of nonsense
Good. May God protect you from the evil ones
DeleteMy dear pls take it easy in life, sometimes it is better not to take their calls than say somethings to people, let us all be guided, remember you didn't do anything previously for people who employed you in the office, people who patronise your business do so not because you necessarily invested in them, one has to be careful, I remb when I was 17 I went to a young relative in her 30s and doing alright and I asked for assistance but her response wasn't favorable and she was rude, 15 years later I paid for her kid's school bills outside the country, I did it because I made an excuse for her that maybe back then she may have been sad or broke etc when I asked her for help, she feels bad sometimes that she never helped back when she had the opportunity but I tell her to let it go and that I understand life so well, if you dont want to give make sure you are extremely polite about it, be the difference.
DeleteLet me give you more insight to why I had to adopt this method. My father's family was especially cruel to us growing up, after our grandfather died. They used to say that all of us would amount to nothing. I don't know what happened before I was born that caused this family dynamic, but as an 8/9/10 year old these family members would tell me insulting things, visits to the village were always an emotionally abusive time. My father did not say anything openly to defend us or protect us. My mom eventually moved us to Yankee and we grew up there and started life there. When I came back to Nigeria as an adult, my formerly wealthy uncles had seen pepper after Abacha days and never recovered. Their children were subjected to their circumstances. I remained cordial. Then I got calls asking to send money, without asking why, I'd send what I could afford to give away, usually around 30k - 50k. After a few months funding one or two relatives, I got s call telling me I was a young single woman working in Nigeria and getting paid in dollars (I don't know where they got it from, it's not true) and my money belongs to my father's house and that I should be budgeting to send 300k a month to them for their upkeep. Each of these men have their own children, some living in Nigeria, others hustling abroad, but they thought it was me that they said wouldn't amount to anything that should give them allowance. I blanked. They kept pestering me and I came up with excuses until I adopted my method of being direct and they didn't demand anymore. Mind you in these years, I've helped some of my cousins get jobs that they would go and misbehave and lose the jobs and spoil my name, so it's not like I'm unhelpful to my family. Also in talking to other sets of my cousins who were "successful" and actually paid in dollars, they didn't get any demands put on them AT ALL. I realized it's the same bullying they subjected me to as a child they want to continue as a full grown adult, mbanu, chains must break.
DeleteFriend, I'm here clapping for you 👏👏👏. No need to be guilted and turned to a liar. Humans smell weakness and go for it. Tell your truth and sleep well at night.
DeleteAnon, your boss isn't doing you a favour, you are working for pay. It is an exchange. Neither are your customers- they are getting something in return. If you must give, remember those who actually gave you and see how you can show appreciation. Don't subject yourself to the same manipulation that made dismissive people ignore you in the first place then now qualify you as a pushover ATM when your story has turned around.
Anon 22:24 I understand you, those are users and not true people,pls avoid them well, if you have change to spare you can help the sick, good elderly ones amongst them or children, I experienced such neglect when my dad died but now I now know those family members owed us nothing as people have said on this blog, now most are old and calling for help for their kids and I can also say we owe them nothing too. Many people act badly because they are not blessed with a good heart, a good heart is a gift people who dont have it dont have it except they are trained to.
DeleteAll for the gram, Uche are you sure you really helped at all? If people around you are lifted, no pressure on anyone. Friends are relatives are bunch of nuisance but you cannot do without them mbok
ReplyDeleteProbably you're one of the entitled people he's talking about if you can't relate with it.
DeleteNa dem
Delete14:02 is speaking on a clear ground. There are relatives that genuinely needs help.
DeleteMy dear forget it, some people are never satisfied no matter what you do for them.
DeleteYes there are relatives that need help and It is good to help but you cannot help everyone or else you will end up lacking like them.
DeleteIf you have 20 relatives and you help 10, the other 10 you didn't help will be upset.
Needs help, needs help...I am sick of that phrase. Anyone who thinks it's ok to use that phrase loosely is one of them. Takers!
DeleteThis your comment suggests you didn't read the article. Mr Nworah paid for the wedding of this man's daughter. He paid the school fees of some of his children. What is this man's contribution to his life except barging in without an appointment to blackmail him by recording their conversation? All the while his fatherly responsibilities were being carried by the writer, what was he using his money to do? If this Mr. Nworah buys the said land, who do you think will pay for the structure on it? You think Mr tape recorder will look elsewhere for funds when there is a mugu he did not train that would capitulate the moment he taps the red dot on his phone screen?
DeleteAnyone can be in want but no one has a right to be wicked. The writer should know that if he dies or gets impoverished tending to parasites, his children would be thrown to the dogs before his corpse is cold. Imagine not even asking if the guy you are demanding land money from has had lunch. I'm glad the writer has set his priorities right.
Entitlement mentality is everywhere from friends to colleagues to neighbours. Just do the best you can and leave the rest for God. As long as you know you have tried, let your mind be at rest.
ReplyDeleteIt happens everywhere. There was a time I was working under a political appointee of a State Government. A friend of mine came with demands and wanted me to help finance part of his father's burial. I told him I didn't have that kind of money. He didn't believe me and till today, he is still quarreling with me thinking that I did it on purpose. Na wah
ReplyDeleteI don't know why so many 3behave this way, thinking you owe them and it's a must for you to help them.
ReplyDeleteTwo of my friends called me from abroad on Thursday and Friday o tell me how they receives text messages containing account details back home on Nigeria asking them to send money but there's are guys that just left Nigeria ee months ago.
I told both of them to block whoever bother them again for money, it's that simple.
90% of the messages on my dads phone are account numbers of people,related or not. Sometimes I just shake my head when I see it. I and my siblings have never called anyone for help. Not because we have in surplus,far from it sef. Everyone is still hustling, it for someone somewhere to just feel entitled when even you that's the child is trying to do something for yourself and not disturb you parents after all they have done for you is appalling. I will never get angry at someone for not helping me,if it was easy my parents should have been able to render that particular help to me.
DeleteI have had accommodation problem in the same Abuja that my uncle had several unoccupied houses scattered all over gwarimpa but I never held it against him. If he helps fine,if not.... We move
Similar thing I was thinking about recently bvs
ReplyDeleteRelatives should be gentle on their demands!!
I have this little issue. .. please bvs help me reason this
My brother in-law and his wife are residing on one of my husband's flats in the city
Literally sitting on 300k yearly as this is the price of rent for 2 bedroom in this city,they don't pay anything oohh
I recently thought of this and I said I will discuss with my husband for them to move to a self-contain of 100-150k since they I want to stay in this same city
Everyone came to city to hustle oohh
This bother in-law works oohh and they don't have kids yet.
Abi am I over thinking this or I should just leave it?
You are not wrong. But keep it between you and your husband. Let your husband be the one to confront his brother otherwise the brother and other in laws will connive to break your home.
DeleteLeave them alone and let your brotherin law enjoy his brother's wealth as well, stop being selfish. Put yourself in the woman's shoes. .self con ko😕😕 selfish woman
Delete14:18 One of your husband's..meaning you guys have more and you really want to take that away from them? And your excuse is because they want to live in the city just as you..smh
DeleteMadam your own no follow for here.
Delete14:18, there's a huge difference between begging entitled relatives and WICKED rich relatives. What you are scheming goes with the latter!
DeleteSo your husband's brother cannot enjoy from his brother? You want to send him to one room apartment? Are you homeless and probably that's the only house remaining and he snatched it from y'all?
Was even thinking your mind should be more on your hubby signing a document so he doesn't forget it belongs to him to avoid problems in future maybe when they are no more or something; you are here yarning dust.
Go and throw them off na as *patience ozokwor* that you are. Mtschewww
See her calculating money. Did you contribute a bag of cement when he was building it? 🤕
Anon please leave them alone or are they disturbing you for more things? Let your husband decides if he wants his brother out of his property before you cause problem where there is none.
DeleteNa wa. I know someone that built a house with two different two bedroom flats in it and have it to his elder brother to live with his family, they also collect rent on the other flat to live on.
DeleteMadam, it's obvious you guys are well off, allow your husband help his extended family as well.
Forget that flat. He owns it. A lawyer once told me that if you have a property let the person pay something even if it is N1 cos if he stays without payment, he can lay claim to the house especially if the person is a relation.
Delete14:18...dont be a witch please
DeleteI'm the Anon
DeleteI have lived in the abroad and my mentality is city is for hustle wether in Nigeria or outside Nigeria
Now marrying my husband and seeing he built house for rentals in a city for business purpose.
And a relative coming to occupy one flat without paying rent doesn't sit well with me,even the most senior has advised they move out so we can use our property for business but my husband doesn't know how to tell his younger one to find a house for himself and his wife
City na for hustle abeg y'all should put these una sentiments aside
The same brother will come and beg for money upon say he de free house
Expect if we travel outside and not coming back then he can come stay as caretaker naaa!
You are very a wicked woman. Just one house is what you cannot forfeit for his blood despite having other houses.
DeleteYou even met him after he built those houses, not that you both sweated to build them together.
Who knows what struggle they have gone through as siblings
MIND YOUR BUSINESS!!
You're a wicked poor soul. It's a poor people ht think like you.
DeleteAfter all your sweat was not in the house you're shouting about..
Oloshi
What's the meaning if "they don't ve kids yet?? A very misguided statement, only if u know how expensive infertility can be
DeleteExactly! Mind your business. Let your husband help his family. You are very selfish, Na only you know how to enjoy? If your husband does not have issues with giving his brother a free flat to live in, why should you? Abeg let other people benefit from your blessings, that way your in- law can build his own too. When we have a support system, it is easier to make progress.
DeleteMy dear leave them. 300k is going to do what for you exactly.? You said you have several properties. It's just one flat out of many,it doesn't really affect you.
DeleteDont be tagged witch in your husband's family. I bet it that your husband will push it to you. Once they cry to your mum inlaw; that one will ask ur hubby and hubby will say it is you o,he didn't want to send his brother packing. They will not tag you witch. That you don't want them to enjoy their brothers wealth.
Anon, you're not being wicked for wanting to generate more income for your family by freeing up the flat to collect rent, but why the mention of the self-contained? It comes across as though you want to humiliate your inlaw. Tell your husband you support his decision to collect rental income from all his property and leave it at that. Do not push, just make sure he knows you support him.
DeleteThis Is how terrible women can b. Were u d one that built the house. Can a brother not enjoy the sweat of his sibling or u think as wife u r d only one entitled to his wealth.did u help build the house that u r calculating rent. wicked woman
DeleteI understand where you are coming from- you'd rather business not be mixed with pleasure and with your suggestion, the house could be bringing in more cash and the new place they are going would cost 50 percent less so it is easier to support them. The politics of it is what is tricky. Because you have more than 1 spare and because it is not directly yours, support would be scarce on this blog. No one would remember that the brother also did not contribute to the house and being male and not paying rent, this is a disaster waiting to happen if heaven forbid, your husband passes on. You'll be tagged the wicked witch who doesn't want the in-law to enjoy forgetting that entitlement mentality is not inborn but taught by those who give without setting clear boundaries. The comments in this section won't be different from what you'll get in real life so please be guided in how you approach it with your husband- the day he kicks him out or demands rent no matter how low, you'll be tagged the witch hat caused it. Have a thick skin, be polite and keep focused. Never chest out- let your husband be the one they will record saying it and let him also say on record that you had nothing to do with it and he can do whatever he wants with his property.
DeleteIf your husband is of the same view, support his decision but never bring it up except the part of papers. Giving a newly married couple a 🏠 is like a wedding gift o especially if things were not legally straight from the beginning. Don't obsess over what happens and give other things he asks if you have spare because you guys have made this couple dependants because you started this in the first place. It is better to lease a shop to a relative, collect a low rent then send the money back to their account as dash or legally waive it for a fixed period so there is no sense of entitlement because the link is business and there is an understanding of profit. The moment you give a residential property, you will hate yourself the moment you want your thing back. You will encounter the monster you created- I speak from family experience. Givers make takers entitled. They aren't born that way.
Wicked selfish golddigger poor woman, am sure you came from a very poor background that's why 300k is a big part deal for your husband to give to his own brother, am sure it will sit well with you if the occupants is your siblings, wicked wife thats what you are
DeleteThey are working... they should pay rent. They are responsible adults. No shame. You are right Anon and shame on all those shaming you!
Delete06:20 No! Shame on you. Birds of a feather. Would you be happy if your son's wife instigate him over his blood brother? Ordinary 300k house when they have other houses left. Wicked wives everywhere. I am sure if it was her own family she would never complain. Mtsheww
DeleteYou are wicked Madam,i mean you are very wicked and mean. Tufia.Brother cannot enjoy his elder Brothers money again because they married you.You see what some women cause in their husband homes to divide it.shame on you
DeleteYou all should calm down. Anon 23.38 made a lot of sense. Have him pay something very low (like 50k) so he understands he is a tenant like others.
DeleteIt is here I read that many times a relative who occupied a flat for 20 years or thereabout refused to move out after the demise of the owner and the kids wanted to sell the property.
I once worked with a political appointee of a State Government. A friend who lost the dad needed some money from me for his burial. When I told him I couldn't afford it, he didn't believe me. He's still holding this against me till today
ReplyDeleteTor! just be open and clear.
ReplyDeleteI dont have money to spare.
I cant train your kids coz I cannot afford it.
I cant buy you a land or car as i dont have savings.
Etc, dont promise n back out, if they ask for 100k, five them 50k, give them n tell dem to complete it elsewhere, u have to be wise when dealing with people, else you will work n work with nothing to show for it, coz they will always comeback for more.
There are a lot of them in my parents families
ReplyDeleteMy parents used to enable their entitlement but thank God we the kids have curbed it .
The other angle of this is there are lots of relatives that are in good position to help others but would have them coming for peanuts than help them establish themselves and this beats me . I'm of the opinion that if God has placed you in a position you should help others.
We all have such relatives but truth be told, they owe us nothing.
DeleteYou're right anon
DeleteBut I just wish people could help others I dont mean financially , I just mean helping them secure a job.
But uncle tape recorder has already collected money for school fees and even money for daughter's wedding. how the hell did the leech think money for land will also show? Even national 🍰 dey finish.
DeleteIf you want to start a business, start lean and small and don't bring a budget that would scare a person whose school fees you didn't pay. Don't collect the other monies then start threatening because you have squandered the earlier ones on wedding. This poor man also has family you are not training. Who will he go and rob with a recording app 🤷?
He wants you to teach him how to farm and harvest his farm produce..
ReplyDeleteLastly,to take him to the market that he can sell them.
Basically he wants you to work and think for two grown adults..
Sigh,maka why?
Chizzy J..
My uncle hates my mom (his sister from same parents) because my mom didn't give him part of the money my dad (who is in Canada) sent for me and my siblings upkeep. This is someone that took all my grandparents properties without sharing with his siblings. Greedy Bastard.
ReplyDeleteOmo, we plenty for this table. My uncle is beefing my parents till date because they didn't train his children. People who were struggling financially to raise their own should raise your children. Are you for real?
DeleteMind you this uncle had more opportunities than his sisters. Mschew
Gosh, Nigerians, it is not only nauseating, I puked at that relative 's audacity to threaten and blackmail this author. Same situation that @cubana chief priest cried out last week. It's a choking something. I have such too in my family, I just cut them off. After taking care of their kids, assisting in erecting a befitting abode for them, still they are not satisfied. Sheeet! Somebody will just sit there and expect you to give , give and give when he or she did not contribute in shi shi or in kind to your hustle.
ReplyDeleteKai !!! This level of feeling so f**king entitled comes from greed, greed and greed; wickedness and wickedness in this Naija is appalling. It transcends all levels of relationships; boyfriend -girlfriend, neighbor- neighbor, Uncles- nephews or nieces, friend to friend, sidechick and adulterous man, brother to brother, inlaws to inlaws etc.
God help us.
They keep saying Nigerians, do your research on where all this people are fron because they all come from the same place. Not all Nigerians behave like this, only people from a certain part of Nigeria have this entitlement mentality so they should stop dragging others into their culture because now they are begining to open their eyes and question their culture.
DeleteAnon, let me not show u my phone or Facebook messenger. I'm even scared of going through them.
DeleteAnon 15:49,it is in all tribes just some families are better. so shut your evil mouth
DeleteA friend, not close friend per say called my twin who lives abroad to send him money from the blues. My twin asked him just like that? He said yes, after all he lives abroad
ReplyDeleteThey think abroad is heaven , if only they know the Bills one has to pay .
DeleteChaiiii.
ReplyDeleteHe should tone it down abeg. So not cool!
ReplyDeleteSenior brother?
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame.
Is something wrong with some men of this generation? Many of them especially the first borns are given the best education, etc yet some of them remain financial burdens to their families, waiting for the father to die so they can inherit wealth.
My childhood friend is married as a second wife i have never met her husband he works in Irak he recently returned back to uganda all of a sudden he sent me a message on whatsap that he is sick something with his eye and the treatment is very expensive like arvs if i cd sort him out by the way he stole My contact from the wifes Phone i laughed so Hard and just blocked him No time for scammers
ReplyDeleteWhat a shame ,
DeleteWhy didnt he talk to his wife ? You did the right thing.
To help is nice cause we also needed helps from others too it’s revolving but some can easily get on your nerves
ReplyDeleteThis lady I often assist since last year with a pure heart, last week we ran into each other’s and she told are smart phone battery 📱 spoilt with the way she was sounding I collect the bat... I call one of the sell to go check and bring, but seems that pat is rare to get here
Nt until I got a call from this lady saying it’s taking to long after three days .. I just jelely ask the battery seller to return her dead bat ... to her You can be rude to me this way when am paying with my money
2. Me :good morning mrs ....
Mrs: hope you are fine?
Me: yes how is the family
Mrs:!fine ooo, pls can you send me 1k artym
Me:!okk no problem
After 4 hours
Mrs : are you there
Me: ohh yeah I will be traveling tmmrw oo
Mrs: excuse to send me the airtime pls dnt bother again
Me: “mind you I bought the airtime but forgot” okk this the airtime 1368757.... 3k bye
Mrs: ohh God bless you bla bla
Now I dnt reply her messages anymore
Hmmmm that spirit is everywhere
DeleteHahahahaha
ReplyDeleteThe comments on this post be making me laugh like a Hyenna,hahahaha.
First of all, KINGS please kindly delete this comment for the sake of brotherhood, you are still vexed.
Okwa nwanne yi o.
Chief Nworah,onye Nna, that your special Akupe is a symbol of BIGMANISM na, nobody wants to hear you do not have, it is by force, i ga na e defend your title lue echi.
hahaha. Jisike ike nwanne mmadu！
My own eh, dem don taya dem kuku name me Ada Aka Gum（stingykoko）hahahaha.
Everyone calls my hubby,some cut call when they hear my voice on the background, he can dash out C of O if you are not watching and they soooo know how to bambozzle his tender heart. That I got no responsibility from my father's side does not mean I do not have from immediate family, do you know how many kids and the adopted ones, trailing each other back to back in worthy schools？ Millions mehnnn,millions.
Oriegwu！
I sort my table before all these wahala relatives because once it is 24th of every month, they start calling 'mummy mummy, ewoooh alu emee, mama chukwujekwu has swallowed razor blade'.
hmmmmmmm
#antics
😂😂😂😂 @swallowed razor blade.
Delete* Hyena
DeleteAnony 17:27
DeleteThanks jare
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣@ Xhirted, I swear you're crazy🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 so your kind still dey planet earth? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 thanks for the laughs sis
DeleteI'm so tired.
ReplyDeleteUche,I'm not judging from your write but I tell you the you are the type that will help friends and ignore family hell I can bet you added little spice to the write up. I have a well paying job,I earn 750k and I'm a lady but We can't deny that there are some relatives that genuinely needs helps. Some of you are saying "You sef work" Will they just start working like that? Let's talk about some people that toil and till yet it's barely enough to feed. If I'm in a place to help I will do that without hesitation. When I was truly struggling and asking for help when I really needed help who know how many people have labeled me entitled? It is well.
ReplyDeleteBeing entitled is different from needing help and financial support.
DeleteThere was a lady I met in school back then. Her family had financial hiccups so I took her in. Mind you this was in an expensive country where I paid for everything from light bills to her feeding. It was hard for me because Just like her, I was also a student but I felt compassion for her.
With time she started thinking I was her mother instead of a friend. I bought foodstuffs at the supermarket for us both though separately but we had similar stuffs in our carts and same quantity. Then I paid at the counter and had just a few dollars left so I opted out for a box of chocolate which I added to my bag. Instantly the very lively lady became upset, it was so evident that on our way home I cracked jokes she didn't respond. She squeezed her face when I talked about our school projects and didn't utter a single word then we got home( I paid for the taxi) and she went straight to her room and locked the door without talking to me, not even a "thank you!". This wasn't the first time of her behaving that way so I already knew what was wrong. I went in, took the chocolate and gave her out of it and instantly she became her lively self and became a chatterbox. You see! she was ready to hate me for that single thing I got while overlooking every other thing I had already bought for her.
It was winter and we went shopping for coats and boots after paying for the both of us the shop owner pointed to a nice gloves and I paid for that for just myself and the nasty attitude started again at this point I was already tired. Whenever I bought a full chicken, because I didn't want her to feel bad, I always told her to divide it amongst us and keep the rest for me, instead of doing that myself. She would divide it, take the part that consisted of both the laps and gave me the wings all the time. I tried to overlook all of that but it was plain to see she was entitled and not even hiding it.
Needs and wants are two different things. Entitled people do not come to you for their "needs" they come for their "wants" and it isn't fair on the person who is just helping out.
The man in the story was extremely entitled. Did you read the part where he had to record their conversation to put pressure on his helper? Did you also read the part where he wrote of how he has been helping them all his life till that point.
It goes both ways to be honest just like Choc Noir pointed out above. I believe in helping when you can (an open hand receives), but at the same time you shouldn't lose yourself in the process.
DeleteSit down biko!!! Do you even know if it was a friend who helped him get this position?? Do you know how his friends have helped him??
DeleteWhen my parents needed help, needed forex and there was a 2 week delay, it was his close friends who helped.
18:17 you must be very silly for using such disrespectful tone on my comment. Are you sick in the head? Make your comment constructive without insults. Once again,you are very silly.
DeleteSabella,darling I understand what you are saying. Truly there's no manual to these ways of life.
EV😘
Sabella, what happened to you guys at the end of all these nonsense?
Delete....And Sabella,like I said I'm not judging from his writeup.
Delete18:17 you are still silly.
Madam, there is a difference between needingredients help genuinely and feeling entitled. Now go read Uche's post properly and understand his anger.
DeleteYou have no right to judge on based on 2ho he chooses to help.
DeleteNo be family help am get the job. You guys should stop analysing people's life because you're their family members..
Everyone should hustle hard andface his or her needs. If your brother help you, appreciate, don't think it's a must.
Same WhatsApp group with my husband's elder brother. Me I don't comot eye,na family matter
ReplyDeleteNo shame. So he didn't prepare some things for his own wedding expecting his junior brother to do ALL.
ReplyDeleteHope he wont also ask you to pay hospital bills whenever the wife delivers as assistant husband. Since you are the one that married wife for him.
Chaiii I just remembered when I was single and I had this oga in the office, always admiring me. Fine igbo man. He said he wants to marry me for his elder bro. I will just smile as he was my oga.
ReplyDeleteWe now went for another colleagues function and he brought the so called husband for me.
First the guy was stinking of alchol. This was a Sunday baby dedication o.
Next thing as we were talking on the sofa this guy fell asleep and started snoring so loud. Think he had hang-over. I'm not even sure he had a stable job.
This is a man of late 40s never married. The brother too now saw me and wanted to introduce me to such man and I'm sure sponsor the wedding just to get the guy married . God forbid
They are plenty! Parasites who sucked from my dad especially.
ReplyDeleteOne cousin who I haven’t heard from in years and who didn’t even so much as to text when my dad died is on this table. Sending me message asking for money for business. Not wondering anything, as I am also married with children. The cousin has asked my siblings, even my widowed mother sef. After I said I couldn’t, the next month another one, I just ignored.
The same people have houses, and we don’t. They would prefer we give them our little savings rather than sell one of their houses for money.
Sebella why oh why are you putting up with that nonsense behavior? I want to shake you. Try this experiment...next time you guys run out of food, don't shop. Eat out for one week just one week....she needs to be reminded that you are doing this out of your free will
ReplyDeleteNo!😂😂😂😂
DeleteThat was years ago when I was still in school. Thanks🤗
There was a time only one of my siblings was earning (thank God we all are now) and she was providing for my parents every need. The priest who knew of our predicament and who my parents were going for prayers for, Sent a text to my sis that she should send money for his children's school fees...not even a please or anything. This is someone who knew how dire things were. I don't know if she ever sent money but she told me that she ignored. The next thing he started calling me, I heard his voice & just hung up and didn't pick up. My parents stopped going to him when he asked them for money. That's just one of many. When the going was good my dad was giving out money to people who had more than us sometimes depriving us alot. Now all these people have disappeared. Anyways, thank God for my siblings and I, no one will dare call again .
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine? The guts and the wickedness! Please let everyone just dey their dey.
DeleteThat's how a distant aunty who has only one child called that she needs money for jamb and waec. I thot it's a 10k something, this lady said it ll cost 65k. Told her I would call her back and blocked her. U want to scam me.
ReplyDeleteWell, that's not the way to go about it, she might genuinely need money for other stuffs too. Why block her? If she asked for 65k, and you have 10k to let go of, why not give that and move on. Smh. The world revolves.
Delete23:32 ; incase of next time, the polite thing to do is to tell her you don't have that but will support with what you have. Send the 10k and face front.
DeleteThe blocking should have been if she started cursing you (yes some are like that) or forcing you to do gbese on her behalf.
You don't need to be pissed someone asked for assistance. You handle this issue with politeness and diplomacy because this life you see m'dear there are NO guarantees.
✌
Imagine the effontery! Bunch of entitled wackasses. See people should stop looking to others as their saviors. Manage yourself and no go dey do pass yourself. Nobody asked you to marry and have a bunch of children you cannot cater for. You will see someone that can barely feed himself marrying and having 4-5 children looking for others to carry his responsibilities. You think those who are managing themselves with one or 2 children don't know what they're doing? Have some self respect and stop being a nuisance.
ReplyDeleteI don't have relatives. If you bother me, I bundle you out. If I go broke tomorrow, I go back to the village to farm. I ain't trying to bother anyone financially neither should anyone bother me.
ReplyDelete