Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Feminism In Marriage

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Wednesday, April 22, 2020

Feminism In Marriage

Some women have become 'woke' in their marriages and believe that there are no specific chores for a particular gender in a matrimonial home..
Take a sit on the SDK famous couch and let us discuss it.....






These 'woke' women insist that both partners must be willing to set up a time table to take up cooking, cleaning, washing and clearing .....

They believe that what is good for the goose should also be good for the gander.
 
What is your take about Feminism in marriage?Are one of the woke women?Has your hubby awoken with you and decided to share chores and you no longer find it funny because he also insists you share what he used to do as man?

let us discuss this because this quarantine has brought out the feminism in some people

228 comments:

  1. No woman is a slave,spouses are meant to assist each other period. If your home is too big,get househelp and don't kill yourself with chores.

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    1. A new day, a fresh attack on feminism*!

      We are ALL humans. When a human being is doing something wrong, he or she knows. A man being wicked to a woman knows. A woman being nasty to a man knows.

      Why all these attacks on women fighting for a good cause for crying out loud?

      If we were to even go by our physical makeup, that means God intended chores for men because they are stronger physically.

      Please let every home do what works for them. Where there's true love, all these nonsense talks won't even be an issue!

      Someone that truly loves you will want you happy! But when people start marrying for the wrong reasons, they will keep debating on this rubbish man's inhumanity to man called patriarchy! Please let us hear word.

      I am female and in my own home we run partnership. What we have is true love. Maybe because giving is not a problem for me; but my man and I share all we have EQUALLY! We share chores EQUALLY (he does more sef). We understand ourselves and are happy. Whatever we can't do, we get help.

      He also condemns men that don't do chores. When his kid sis wanted to get married, he personally sat the new hubby down to warn him that his baby sis is not a slave. He also warned his sis to never take the man's goodness for granted. They are happy today the way we are.

      It's all about the mindset and upbringing of the people involved. All these lazy boys be blaming everything on feminism. Mtschewww

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    2. Gbam.I and my hubby share mine though I am mostly home cos I am nursing a baby but when he is around he helps out when I beg him to,down to bathing our baby.Other times,I take the lead and help out with "his " own chores like washing his clothes because waving mine and baby's is not easy coupled with cooking and other chores.I love getting things done so little things I can do,I do them and overlook who is supposed to do what.

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    3. What has feminism gotta do with house chores and a man helping his wife around the home.

      It's worse with some Igbo men

      I makwa na MBA nwoke???,
      Kneel and serve me breakfast
      Wake up Head to the kitchen and start house chores immediately...SMH

      Is this the reason for a womans sole existence

      May the Gods be blessed for the exposure of my extended family who had generations of them live in Western Nigeria before independence.

      They mixed up with Yorubas (who are more liberal in treating their wives and sisters there women drove before cars..smoked..inherited property married guys left their first marriages at will and ended up marrying better younger men)

      May the Almighty be blessed for allowing my mother meet a kind man who loved her helped her with house chores and let her fly academically currently professor ..and let her have a voice when she was discontent about issues!

      Some of you have grown up in homes where your mother's are door mats...sub humans..oppressed ..slapped around by husband extended family and siblings so its alien for you to see a woman subtly disagree with her husband against issues.

      You term it Stubborness ...Feminism...Lack of Submission...Geddifok you lot!

      If my Seventy something year old father his siblings and cousins know how to treat their women right I wont take less!

      Women married into my father's family work hard play hard, support their husbands hard and still have a voice .

      Family is the bedrock of society change the way your Male children treat their sisters....their sisters should inherit property. Their sisters should share cooking, cleaning and shopping chores with them it's a simple part of growing into adulthood..it has nothing whatsoever to do with feminism...its part of life and living!

      Get some exposure people ..get out from under your family rocks. .Go Liveeeee!

      Uchu gbakwa unu!

      Lord knows my daughter will NEVER marry into a family that has generational female oppression problems.

      Stop raising lazy entitled dick-totting young men.

      Treating your wives sisters and girlfriends right has nothing to dd with feminism

      If it does then I'm proud of the Male folk of my father's side of the family they are the GREATEST FEMINISTS that ever lived !!!

      God bless their kind hearts

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    4. God help is on this matter, I've been waking up 11am in this lockdown because we usually don't sleep until 11pm/12am. My hubby's been working from home, so when the kids wake up, they go straight downstairs to greet him, he bathes and feeds them and they start their online homework. When I wake up I do whatever is needed to be done, most times, dishes have been washed so I try to wash the dishes every night before going to bed so hubby no go vex one day say na only him dey do dishes.
      I help the kids with homework, we play chess, bake, play.
      We try as much as possible to help each other, we are not perfect but just enjoying the floor.
      Atleast no fight for now since there's no school uniform to iron πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ€£.

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    5. What has feminism gotta do with house chores and a man helping his wife around the home.

      It's worse with some Igbo men

      I makwa na MBA nwoke???,
      Kneel and serve me breakfast
      Wake up Head to the kitchen and start house chores immediately...SMH

      Is this the reason for a womans sole existence

      May the Gods be blessed for the exposure of my extended family who had generations of them live in Western Nigeria before independence.

      They mixed up with Yorubas (who are more liberal in treating their wives and sisters there women drove before cars..smoked..inherited property married guys left their first marriages at will and ended up marrying better younger men)

      May the Almighty be blessed for allowing my mother meet a kind man who loved her helped her with house chores and let her fly academically currently professor ..and let her have a voice when she was discontent about issues!

      Some of you have grown up in homes where your mother's are door mats...sub humans..oppressed ..slapped around by husband extended family and siblings so its alien for you to see a woman subtly disagree with her husband against issues.

      You term it Stubborness ...Feminism...Lack of Submission...Geddifok you lot!

      If my Seventy something year old father his siblings and cousins know how to treat their women right I wont take less!

      Women married into my father's family work hard play hard, support their husbands hard and still have a voice .

      Family is the bedrock of society change the way your Male children treat their sisters....their sisters should inherit property. Their sisters should share cooking, cleaning and shopping chores with them it's a simple part of growing into adulthood..it has nothing whatsoever to do with feminism...its part of life and living!

      Get some exposure people ..get out from under your family rocks. .Go Liveeeee!

      Uchu gbakwa unu!

      Lord knows my daughter will NEVER marry into a family that has generational female oppression problems.

      Stop raising lazy entitled dick-totting young men.

      Treating your wives sisters and girlfriends right has nothing to dd with feminism

      If it does then I'm proud of the Male folk of my father's side of the family they are the GREATEST FEMINISTS that ever lived !!!

      God bless their kind hearts

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    6. Awon feminist gang gang22 April 2020 at 16:23

      The gangs are watching and reading comments from a distance.

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    7. Oh! The joys of 21st century marriage. I thank God. In fact my mom visits and is always dumbfounded at how I and my husband live like we are siblings. No master-subordinate relationship at all. She said never has she imagined that a grown man would do dishes and cook on his own accord, doesn't take decisions without his wife's input and carries her along in all he does especially in money matters. She NEVER saw this in her generation. God I thank you.

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    8. 16;13 I think am dating ur husband. Ohhhh such an Angel. Robs feet like an Angel from Heaven. God bless this man

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    9. I dated one Igbo guy. 6ft 3" with biro cover. Sex was a chore. Penetration was difficult bcos i'm tall too 5ft 12" He will say "gbasapu ukwu gi ka nwanyi" Chimo! See me not up to 60kg having to carry a 120kg man! He didn't care oh. As far as he was concerned I have to spread my legs as a woman and accommodate that weight! It's not that you will even feel the penis and enjoy the sex. Mschew.

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    10. When you both understand yourselves no wahala. This lockdown period that we all work feom home,hubby and my sons have taken over the house. Somedays i dont go downstairs at all. My sons would ask me to sit on the reading table while the dress my bed,sweep and mop the floor. Hubby serves me my meals and clear the used dishes. We have been married for 14yrs now. So no yourselves,and do what works for you guys.

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    11. Thank you ooo..what has feminism got to do with helping your partner? Is that not the right thing to do? Anything to attack a good cause.

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  2. That's why many of them can't stay married because they think they are woke.

    When man turn you to single mother, he will marry another one that will give him peace, if you think you're stubborn.

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    1. It is your kind that will drift from one woman to another. In the olden days, the man brought in everything and had absolute say. These days, most of the women bring in about half if not more of the household income and most decent men accept the fact that roles have change and as well as that, they step up to assist at home. Some immature, bigots called men want to sit at home woth their legs crossed, or visit one friend or beer palour after another while their wife sweats out at work to bring money in for the family and then expect to get home and have their wife kneel down to serve them luch/dinner. That is not marriage, that is slavery, just because you paid a pittance called dowery? When things get that bad, a man should be asking himself what value he adds to her life that a woman should hang around. There are lots of men out there that will show their love and appreciation to such a woman who is ready to put her all into supporting her family unit and so a useless husband lime that can very easily be refunded his dowry/divorced and replaced. Let us move on to the issue of kids. Gone are the days when you must have a husband to have kids and even after having kids a woman who changes her mind could easily move on with someone else who is happy to take care of her kids lime his own. In the case of the women who are not the main or equal bread winners at home, do not for one minute under estimate shat they do for a family. Any useless man that thinks he is all and all should continue treating his wife like a dog until the day she vexes and leaves or dies and leaves him to face all the work she was doing. Let us see how he will cope with cleaning the house, bathing kids, cooking meals, school homework, school meetings, sorting out books/bags/uniforms for kids not to talk of food shopping and making sure there is always bread/milk in the house and do all that while holding down a job.
      In fact the federal government should decleae womens day for women to take a break from their life’s and for husbands to take over for that day so they can appreciate their wives.

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    2. You will be single for a long time o.

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    3. Don, let the man go and marry and let the new wife enjoy the slavery.

      My husband used to form traditional man at the beginning of our marriage but I fought tooth and nail for my comfort. I can't come and slave after seeing what my mum went through and she was still termed an evil wife.
      Thankfully, we are abroad. It could have probably been different if my wokeness was in naija. We could have made progress and be dragged back by relatives or tradition. I have only been married for almost 10years and I am beginning to enjoy the fruits of my fights at the beginning. I wanted to make my stance clear from the very beginning, as I didn't want to start what I couldn't finish.
      In my view/ feminism, we shouldn't ascribe particular household roles to specific gender. Everyone should do the one they can. This doesn't mean specific roles cannot be carried out better by specific individual in the household. But in the absence/unavailability of that individual, the other can get it done. We both work and contribute equally to the home, do chores and take care of our kids. Everything belongs to us as a family, so there shouldn't be the need to keep identifying superiority in things. Na we-we, we are doing it for ourselves, no one benefits from our struggles if not us. So get on with your home as one, not dragging rights here and there. Everyone is one, the same. What you feel is good for you is also good for your wife.

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    4. I will rather be a single mum, than be with the likes of you, Don....

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    5. I have said it over and over , better a single mum than in a loveless marriage

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    6. As if their papa houses na lions den. Abeg free women jor!!! Who dey carry husband for back go heaven?
      Mtchewwwwww...

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    7. Single mum and I do it all. Rather stay single and do it all than be with a man that doesn't care

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    8. And the woman doesn't deserve peace right? Is peace now restricted to the male folks alone? Everytime give him peace..who will then give us peace too?

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  3. E get one wey Dey shout b4 u ask am, my car my car , I told my husband to return my car😳. Mogbe shd a 3rd party know this🀣🀣🀣🀣
    Caretaker praises her and rubbishes the husband because Madam has made it clear Na she dey mk d money, was shocked to hear from close/street gossip peddlers how her husband is such a zombie 🧟‍♀️. Kai y rubbish Horseband man and still carry bibles claiming evangist. 🀣🀣🀣. Feminism y marry? They forget d scripture wen it comes to submission

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    1. Why are you giving a listening ear to gossips?

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    2. Go and marry and submit ...Since it's your life goal that should keep you busier and focused asiligbakulute

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    3. Well Na there cup of tea. Anon face front. Some of them become like that after the man do show them.

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    4. 🀣 who d lace fits. Ndi MrsπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚. Door mat horseband can never come my way. Godforbid.

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  4. Hmm Stella call it feminism in marriage ooo or whatever .. all i know is that i cannot come and suffer in this marriage. I cant be breaking back in bed and off bed biko... Thank God we live abroad so he washes plates does laundry and cooks as well as clean. I have been married a little over a year and have never done laundry or clean the house. He does that gladly. I was going to say maybe if we were in naija he would have been different but my cousins husband does the same and goes to the market in naija. So me i am happy and in that case feel free to say i am a feminist in my own home. It gives me peace and no one is complaining abeg.. abroad is a leveller

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    1. A grown man going to the market? Kai! I bet your cousin is the breadwinner

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    2. @shooter Gyal...What is the big deal in a man going to the market, was he not going to the market when he was single to attend to his needs?

      Your comment makes it look like it's a taboo or something bad which it should be.Going to the market should be seen as a way of life and not a demeaning thing for a man.

      LEP 😊

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    3. 13:44 you can't be a slave in your marriage but your husband is doing the whole chore without you helping. So he is good to be slave? Egwu dikwa.

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    4. Shooter Gyal what's wrong with a grown man going to the market? Is there a rule that men cannot talk and stretch out their hands to give money? Don't men eat?

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    5. nope.. he is the bread winner.. lecturer in unilag . man with conscience na man with conscience

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    6. Your cousin's husband is either tight fisted or he is a sissy.

      How long will he be haggling prices of fish n periwinkle in d market? Although some men dont mind, once a while they go n buy full goat, but to be going to the market to buy one cup of melon n 200 naira scumbia....NAaaa

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    7. @ Shooter Gyal, i bet you, her cousin is not the breadwinner. We still have some men like that. I had a neighbour, his wife was a housewife, while he was a top man in his bank. He goes to the market. He says his wife is already taking care of the house, and their boys, why stress her more. And this man adored his wife. And NO, she did not use jazz on him.

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    8. @ Shooter Gyal, i bet you, her cousin is not the breadwinner. We still have some men like that. I had a neighbour, his wife was a housewife, while he was a top man in his bank. He goes to the market. He says his wife is already taking care of the house, and their boys, why stress her more. And this man adored his wife. And NO, she did not use jazz on him.

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    9. "I have been married a little over a year and have never done laundry or clean the house."

      Women we over do things ehn...see ur hubby doing chores and you're not helping simply because you don't want to kill yourself, and yet he'll still pay the bills so what is the difference between you and some nigerian men, the day he gets fed up hope you won't be running frm pillar to post; help that man.

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    10. My own is if he is helping out the chores then you better be contributing evenly to the finances. If you want him to be the only one bring all the money and still want him to do chores then you are a witch

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    11. Speak for yourselves BlackBerry and Shooter gyal. My husband is the sole bread winner in our home and has been since we got married but he started doing the market runs since I was pregnant with our first child in 2017 because he knows how much I hate going to the market and wants to make my life easier. He is not a sissy or tight fisted either. He gives me a generous allowance monthly. So different strokes for different folks.

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    12. Shooter gyal and BlackBerry really???
      So its degrading for a "grown" man to go to market and buy foodstuffs but not a woman/wife.

      Wow. Women are really the main enablers of this patriarchal culture.

      I work and earn money too, why wont my husband cook and perform chores around the house????

      Even tho we employed someone that does most of the cleaning but for cooking ang going to buy foodstuffs and grocery my husband and I do it mutually. No hassles over it. We have mutual respect for each other. Theres nothing degrading about performing house chores as a man just like theres nothing extraordinary about a woman working and earning. Its basic life survival skill.

      Couples should have this conversations and find out work works for them the best and stick to it

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    13. Make una take am easy sha...😁 you guys will kneel down and serve food to your husbands then come here and say he washes my stained pant...

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    14. I don't understand the going to the market in Nigeria, a bit out of place.
      Whatever works for them 😏🀷🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️🚢🏾‍♀️

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    15. BB, the thing no tire you?

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    16. I use Otu market iddo, some weekends u see well groomed nice looking men there. The shopping no be here o, bags of rice, beans , okporoko those full length, ugba in paint buckets, snail nko, I cornered one and asked, he sad , We shop once in every 6months like this, we refrigerate and have numbers to call in case we run out”. So wen some women here say , hubby goes to market. Is not 5k market o! Is 300/400k market o! Is market Dey buy a whole goat and process o! Is market snail pple pack 50/100psc of processed snails o! Cartons of dry fish o! Mk Una no categorie everyone o! Iddo market the experience left me marveled. I want a husband like that Biko pple with 5 deep freezers to storedry food and meat. Oburu kwa Ndi. Mma Nkiru give me 200 red oil 50 pepper and Ogba 100. Not that type o

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    17. Im sorry but me personally i cant tell my husband to go to market. I do not like the idea. Same way my husband CANNOT send me to go and service our cars or expect me to go to Ladipo to go check spare-parts. I dont even know how to put on Gen cos its not my job. But that market and food matter is my own role. And i prefer it dat way.
      Each person has dere role what is so difficult in this thing.

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  5. Wow, Stella, this topic is quite timely.
    I believe marriage isn't fair to the average Nigerian wife. Most of our men are very selfish. You cook, clean, feed the children and the big baby, shop and oga at the top would just be pressing phone or dragging remote with children watching cartoon that he wants to watch wrestling. How do women abroad do it? Financially, the woman contributes even more. Many Wont bother about children's cloth, paying fees on time, snacks etc. You would borrow from the woman and be giving timeline of when to payback. In fact ehen! Only want to help his extended family and expects the woman to handle the home front as if she fell from the sky.

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    1. That’s just a terrible husband up there. Nothing to do with feminism.

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    2. You just described my in law.The wife goes to work and he is a pastor with no side hustle. She will still come back and do all the house chores while contributing to the welfare of the family. When she doesn’t have he expects her to collect from her family. Sha I don’t blame her, she is from the school of thought that marriage and suffer head go hand in hand. Anything to remain a Mrs.

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    3. Lock up, get a help. Buy extra television for ur bedroom. Peace of mind for u and ur kids ⭕️

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  6. As a man l do chores, but she started behaving like l am obligated to do chores , share chores with her l stopped for a long while till she realised l was just helping. I leave the house for work by 6:30 and return at about 7:30-8::30pm. She is home all day. Now that l am doing chores again, cooking when l want to , l just hope she would stop listening to those pseudo feminist who doesn't know what feminism means. Fighting for the rights of women is not the same thing as turning your home into a war zone because of chores.


    Alexander

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    1. Oh Lord!Thank you.

      She really should stop listening to twitter warriors who know nothing about feminism. Feminism is about responsibility and accountability. How can someone stay home all day, refuse to do chores and claim to be a feminist?It is mutually exclusive. Everybody has to add value and contribute their quota.
      What rubbish!

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    2. Alex, do you guys have kids?

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    3. Anon I pray God opens the eyes of your wife for real.

      While growing up my dad literally does everything in the house. My parents got married at a very young age. Both of them were still learning how to run a home as my mom had told me. My mom came from a home where no one was available to even teach her what to do in a husband’s house. My dad on the other hand is from a home where everybody both girls and boys were taught how to take care of the home, work and provide. My dad was the one that taught my mom all these things. But even as my mom started learning, my dad never for once stopped helping out. While growing up, the only thing I remember my mom doing in the house is dish our food...My mom is really good at bargaining so she was the one that do most of the shopping for the house whether for food stuffs or clothes or anything involving buying, she cooks at times and funny enough till today even my mom knows my dad cooks better. But you see when it comes to cleaning, washing, cooking mostly, bathing the kids, dressing us up for school, bringing us home from school...my dad did 90% of it than my mom did.
      However while doing all those things my dad made sure he taught his kids how to do all these things too. My dad was the one that taught me how to cook, he taught me how to take care of my body as a female, he taught me how to take care of the house to the point that home economics was one of my best subject then in secondary school.. I remember vividly when I was a kid my dad would tell my siblings and I stories before we go to bed, he’d sing for us, like he was glad doing all these things for us. When we grew older we asked him why he did almost half of the work in the house, he’d say he knows he doesn’t have money for house help so he can’t kill his wife with too much work...Besides he was already used to doing those things right from when he was younger. But our mom on the other hand wasn’t and it wasn’t cause she was lazy, it was just because she wasn’t raised like that. And what you aren’t used to when you are young, there's no magic that can make you start doing that overnight.
      What I heard him say that day was that if it’s not something you are used to, it’s not something you can cope with. Cause I don’t see how If you are used to doing chores and then you move to your husband’s house, it automatically becomes a big deal. Except you have been pretending to be what they are not and then put it to being a feminist.
      Im a feminist, but not when it comes to house hold chores or when it comes to doing what you are supposed to do as a wife In the home.

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    4. Alexander, well done πŸ‘πŸΎ. Please speak with your wife and don't let this minor thing start what will go a long way.
      Tbh, it's not easy being a stay at home mum. I was one for a little over 10 years, i live abroad and childcare is extremely difficult and expensive, my mum passed on to glory when my first child was 2, I had my MIL come when I had my second child and it caused a lot of problems that has not been solved after so many years. It wasn't easy for me, so many times I would 😒😒😒 and I "had" a very loving and understanding angel as a husband. We are still together oo πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ€£.
      It's very difficult taking care of children and being a stay at home mum, it can also be demoralising, depressing etc. There's always something to do, dishes, cleaning, tidying to mention a few.
      It's not worth fighting over, speak to your wife, nurture, love each other because your children see all of these and we all don't want them making mistakes we've made.
      May God help us all, wishing you both many beautiful years together because true love is beautiful πŸ‘ŒπŸΎ.

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    5. Kamikaze, do you have children yet and have you ever been a stay at home mum? If not face front and keep to the jokes you bring on the blog, we like it like that πŸ₯΄πŸ˜.
      Well said Anonymous 15:43πŸ‘πŸΎ.
      Alexander, wishing you and your wife patience, speak to her about it, hear each others views and try sort it out. Well done for all you do, it's not easy being a stay at home mum especially if you've got children.
      Love is beautiful, it takes a lot of work. Help each other grow.

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    6. *not

      Anon 16.58, jump and pass my comments.I have never made a comment against stay-at-home mothers. I can't dumb down because of people like you. I have chosen never to be an idiot. It isn't too late to make the same choice.

      Thank you.

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  7. Feminism in marriage is stupidity. There are naturally gender specific roles than cannot be wished away by misguided feminists

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  8. This topic is supposed to be taken seriously.

    I honestly believe that a man should help out in the house. I also believe that a woman shouldn't just force it on the man. There are men that naturally help out, they were brought up that way and there are men who are so traditional that God should help the women who marry them

    If you've married the traditional man, find a way to have him help you, if not, ya on ur own.


    I believe most women already know the category their husbands fall under even before marriage.

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    1. Both partners are adult. If you see dirty floor, clean it please. Don't step over it and say it's the woman's role. If a woman sees the car is dirty, get it cleaned. It's so simple, I dunno why people find it difficult to do. If something needs to be paid for, both should sit down and figure out how to get it paid. One of the spouse might have to contribute more but at least the other partner should acknowledge that like- Oh, I see what you just did for us, I appreciate it. And move on.

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    2. Eka J. Exactly, there are men who don’t see anything wrong in helping their wives as a big deal. At the end of the day just know the type of husband you are married to. Cause bc a man isn’t helping out with chores dsnt mean he’s not a good person. If it’s not something he’s used to, you can’t force it on him over night.

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    3. This thing nearly broke my home when i got married newly.I have a male colleague that i am very close to so we discuss personal matters.

      I told him i do chores alone with no help from my husband,he will tell me how wicked my husband was and all that at a point i start fighting my husband over it.I stopped discussing the matter with my colleague but he will always bring the matter up,until one day i spoke harshly to him that he should please mind his business.

      From that day i stopped fighting my husband and got someone that comes in every weekend to help.

      My husband's parents had 4 boys,their mum does all the chores in the house,they are all brought up to believe it is not a man's duty.

      So how do i change this over night?He provids 100 percent and i also work.But i dont know if i would have accepted such if he was not providing. Aside from this part of him he is a good husband and a good dad.

      How long will i continue to fight him?When i can get someone to help and he pays directly or indirectly.

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  9. It's all about love,respect and understanding. Once you have these 3, you r good. It's not a competition. Let each person do what he or she is better at and do it with cheerfulness. It's all about shared responsibilities. Find out what works for you both and do it with love. Every marriage is different.

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  10. I believe everyone knows their duty in the house, my hubby doesn't like cooking or doing house chores except their is no one in the house to do it, so to avoid causing problem at home, he relieved me of some the duties by getting someone to do it while i do mostly the cookings. So far we have been good and no complains but i will really like for him to be cooking for me once in a while. As a feminist, if he is 70% good, just let the sleeping dog lie and continue with your own duty.

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    1. Mine is similar. My husband doesn't like cooking and I don't like washing plates. So I cook and he does the dishes, everyone is happy.

      Delete
  11. For me, marriage is not an achievement or a do or die affair. And i wont clear your plates after eating,except i choose to, i wont wash your clothes cos ive not finished washing mine or clean up after you. Ill keep my space tidy cause i dont like clustered areas; i wont even be in the same room with you, i love my space. I wont check in with you on decisions that partains my life cause its my life even though im married to you;i dont expect u to do the same; i wont ask you unless you tell me, ill run my career without sacrificing anything cause i indeed love myself and not seeking validations from anyone. I'll love you, but never be up in your face. I like space to breathe and i believe my partner like the same space to think. Parents in law and family people brouhaha? Im unavailable to toxic, i cut people off easy and move in nice. I smell of bullshit, ill park u go one side and i wont even blink cause i love my sanity and inner peace.

    ■Lape

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stay single please, there's no compromise in your life. Hopefully God doesn't treat you with this mind set.

      Delete
    2. *pertains
      You have no business getting married. Just remain single inugo

      Delete
    3. Says a selfcentered feminist.

      Delete
    4. Please aunty, you have no business with marriage then, dont even think about it

      Delete
    5. This one is a robot cop sontin.

      Delete
    6. Please, seriously, stay single. Don't bother with the whole marriage thing, it will be too stressful for someone like you

      Delete
    7. I hope you see the way I was smiling while reading this. These are the type that end up becoming mumu in their marriages. yen!yen!yen!yen! How old are you sef?

      Delete
    8. #WONDERFUL

      Delete
    9. Unfortunately for u takers and eaters of marital bullshit, i am happily married to my kind. I didnt rush, i stated what i wanted and who i am from day one and he accepted me. Im no pretender. If you know how my inlaws leave me in my space, its so soothing. I dont go about famzing family cause i want to be seen as the best DIL or SIL. To each his own, im 7years in, happy before we went,happier after the do's.

      ■ Lape

      Delete
    10. I'm sure you are still a child and think real life is online social media rant. You are definitely not ready for a relationship talk more marriage

      Delete
    11. @shooterGirl,spell ur pertains the way u like,ill spell my partains the way i like. You cant be in everybody's business thinking you can live their lives right. Focus and live yours.
      @eka joy, i am married to my kind. And we are doing absolutely fine with sweet understandings. Thank you

      Delete
    12. Fabulous fabu 😏😏😏

      Delete
    13. Hian....if you are truly married, then your home has no lively energy. No life...its just there.

      Delete
    14. 14:51 show us your marriage certificate or forever remain a liar.

      Delete
    15. What she does works for her and her family. She knows who she is and what she wants and her husband understands or it wouldn't work. So you guys should quit ranting about her comment. Sometimes think outside the box.

      Delete
    16. I see u are married, I hope when he gets a taste of a selfless woman like he is u won't come here crying?? U made the marriage all about u n I wonder how long he can take this. Clearly u don't love him if not u won't put up such rules as if u are in d army or dealing with a toddler.

      Delete
    17. Lol liar you aren’t married.
      It’s easy to go behind the keypad and claim you are to make your story believable.
      Even you can’t marry your type cause you know what, like charges repel. Don’t play yourself.

      Delete
    18. You want to me married but remain single. My advice is you make your position very clear to your future partner and not spring it on him after marriage. To each their own.

      Delete
    19. Oppressed women please let the poster be

      Delete
    20. You're a nasty human being. If you like don't learn how to spell words correctly ode!
      I pity the unfortunate man that's married to you(if you ain't lying)
      He has no say in that useless marriage and I'm very sure you beat him at will. Chineke come thru for an innocent man in bondage

      Delete
    21. You sound very selfish and self absorbed. I hope you are just saying this to feel cool.

      Delete
    22. @anonymous 03.45,nothing like think outside the box,on this one.Marriage is about compromise. She sounds selfish,like a ruler that cant bend.

      Delete
    23. I dont need to prove im happy or married to anyone. Alot of you are sad in your marriages and living like slaves,most of you lie to be accepted and change after bn married,most of you even live double lives. Im very happy i married my kind,and put it all on d table undiluted befre signing the dotted lines. And im blessed. There's fun in my home,and we don't need jealousy,chaos,drama and violence to prove it. it sounds like a fairytale thats because i understood that the only decision i ever had to make alone by myself is whom to marry and i dont want to end up crying daily like most of you do(suffering nd smiling). Im grateful to God almighty for decernment, and patience. I have a 6yr old son to show for it,and a happy family,progressive career. U guys should always learn patience and ignore what people think of you ,so you can have inner peace now and forever. Selah

      ■Lape

      Delete
    24. Lol madam calm down. You aren’t the only one enjoying your husband house but the Fabu was just too much.
      E add spice si story yen ni.... Just So ki e sound woke. Fabu yen lo poju.

      Delete
  12. For me, marriage is not an achievement or a do or die affair. And i wont clear your plates after eating,except i choose to, i wont wash your clothes cos ive not finished washing mine or clean up after you. Ill keep my space tidy cause i dont like clustered areas; i wont even be in the same room with you, i love my space. I wont check in with you on decisions that partains my life cause its my life even though im married to you;i dont expect u to do the same; i wont ask you unless you tell me, ill run my career without sacrificing anything cause i indeed love myself and not seeking validations from anyone. I'll love you, but never be up in your face. I like space to breathe and i believe my partner like the same space to think. Parents in law and family people brouhaha? Im unavailable to toxic, i cut people off easy and move in nice. I smell of bullshit, ill park u go one side and i wont even blink cause i love my sanity and inner peace.

    ■Lape

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Easier said than done, wait till you are married

      Delete
    2. Yinmu
      Biko don't get married you hear, you are already in fight mode.

      Melancholy

      Delete
    3. Unfortunately, only an insane person thinks like this.

      Delete
    4. I laugh at the responses under my very harmless comment on how i live my OWN LIFE (not your life o). Shootergal called me nasty just because i dont see things from her perspective; if you read my comments,i doubt i used any abusive word. Yet you insult me so bad,without knowing me personally. Thats amazing. I dont know how to spell? But thank God im not hungry, i dont need validation and im not a doormat. If my husband walks out the door today,which he cant (cause i married my own) i will still walk out with my shoulders high and account large,because my own encourages me to be myself and he loves me with all my dents,curves and edges. Shootergal,you need to love yourself cause your comments arw dark and bitter;esp when you dont even know most people here personally.
      The question one should ask before marriage is " who am i"? Once you have the answer, you will know who to be with to compliment your energy as a person. For all my shortcomings and that of my husband,we compliment eachother. And i am 100% grateful to the creator of all things that he gave me the spirit of decernment to spot an "insane" person like me. And instead of chronicles like most of you,because i wish me more love,i wont weep over my marriage. Im different and in blessed with a different man who comes from a civilised and different family. I am yoruba and he is yoruba. In the next life,na still us. We're just unconventional πŸ˜‰πŸ˜πŸ˜‹. And we dont care what "sane" and "alike" people think. I wish openminded people like us love,bliss and lots more. Selah

      ■Lape

      Delete
    5. I laugh at the responses under my very harmless comment on how i live my OWN LIFE (not your life o). Shootergal called me nasty just because i dont see things from her perspective; if you read my comments,i doubt i used any abusive word. Yet you insult me so bad,without knowing me personally. Thats amazing. I dont know how to spell? But thank God im not hungry, i dont need validation and im not a doormat. If my husband walks out the door today,which he cant (cause i married my own) i will still walk out with my shoulders high and account large,because my own encourages me to be myself and he loves me with all my dents,curves and edges. Shootergal,you need to love yourself cause your comments arw dark and bitter;esp when you dont even know most people here personally.
      The question one should ask before marriage is " who am i"? Once you have the answer, you will know who to be with to compliment your energy as a person. For all my shortcomings and that of my husband,we compliment eachother. And i am 100% grateful to the creator of all things that he gave me the spirit of decernment to spot an "insane" person like me. And instead of chronicles like most of you,because i wish me more love,i wont weep over my marriage. Im different and in blessed with a different man who comes from a civilised and different family. I am yoruba and he is yoruba. In the next life,na still us. We're just unconventional πŸ˜‰πŸ˜πŸ˜‹. And we dont care what "sane" and "alike" people think. I wish openminded people like us love,bliss and lots more. Selah

      ■Lape

      Delete
    6. I laugh at the responses under my very harmless comment on how i live my OWN LIFE (not your life o). Shootergal called me nasty just because i dont see things from her perspective; if you read my comments,i doubt i used any abusive word. Yet you insult me so bad,without knowing me personally. Thats amazing. I dont know how to spell? But thank God im not hungry, i dont need validation and im not a doormat. If my husband walks out the door today,which he cant (cause i married my own) i will still walk out with my shoulders high and account large,because my own encourages me to be myself and he loves me with all my dents,curves and edges. Shootergal,you need to love yourself cause your comments arw dark and bitter;esp when you dont even know most people here personally.
      The question one should ask before marriage is " who am i"? Once you have the answer, you will know who to be with to compliment your energy as a person. For all my shortcomings and that of my husband,we compliment eachother. And i am 100% grateful to the creator of all things that he gave me the spirit of decernment to spot an "insane" person like me. And instead of chronicles like most of you,because i wish me more love,i wont weep over my marriage. Im different and im blessed with a different man who comes from a civilised and different family. I am yoruba and he is yoruba. In the next life,na still us. We're just unconventional πŸ˜‰πŸ˜πŸ˜‹. And we dont care what "sane" and "alike" people think. I wish openminded people like us love,bliss and lots more. Selah

      ■Lape

      Delete
    7. **discernment**

      Be deceiving yourself

      Delete
    8. Darling leave the league of oppressed women alone.

      They don't know any better and the women folk in their lives have not been treated any better

      Delete
  13. I don't believe in feminism in marriage.

    The Bible is my standard and a woman must be submissive to her own husband.

    If my husband decides to help with house chores of his own volition, it would be very unwise of me to see it as my right and try to force him to wash, cook, and babysit the children in the name feminism.

    This doesn't mean he leaves me to do everything in the house, he helps, but I do not force it on him and insist he must do them.

    He is the one who takes care of the bulk of the financial responsibilities in the house and if he doesn't mandate me to contribute, why should I do so to him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you! Your home is blessed

      Delete
    2. FINALLY,
      A WOMAN WHO HAS 100% UNDERSTANDING AND SENSE.

      OTHERS LOOK LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE IN A WAR ZONE, RATHER THAN MARRIAGES.

      YOU DO YOUR PART, Chores, etc, and Allow him assist (whenever he can),

      WHILE HE DOES HIS PART, finances, bills, etc, while he allows you assist (whenever you can)

      MANY LADIES DONT KNOW WHAT FEMINISM IS.

      YOU ARE A WOMAN,ACT LIKE IT. CARE FOR YOUR HOME.

      HE IS A MAN, HE SHOULD ALSO DO SAME,
      PROVIDE AND PROTECT THE HOME....

      Delete
    3. Amen Shooter, you too ����

      Delete
    4. Correct! I love the fact that he handling his financial responsibilities. The problem of men nowadays is that they want to eat their cake and have it. They want to share financial responsibilities but not share house chores. That is the cause of all this wahala.

      Delete
    5. I like your method. But it's only enjoyable when u end up with someone that has enough sense to know when to help out

      Delete
    6. Husband assisting in the home, doesn't mean wife isn't submissive. I really do not understand the big deal with men doing house chores..does it make them less of a man or less of the head of the family? Anyway with teachings from certain Pastors who teach that God never had the intention of creating women, and that women are created for the man's pleasure, this discourse especially in African and Islamic countries will continue for a long while to come!

      Delete
    7. Thank you for this comment.

      Melancholy

      Delete
    8. My dear, you have to check the meaning of submission again because you are confused. Your husband helping you doesn't mean you are not submissive. Throw away this your suffer head mentality .

      Delete
    9. Many don't understand what feminism means. Okay goan educate yourself, mbano.........

      Delete
    10. Twins squared do not attack feminism because of the marriage you ended up in.

      You would have preferred better; you said it here once.

      Why portray yourself like you chose it this way as a virteous bible mama?

      You have complained before that you wish your man helps out.

      Now you wanna blacklist feminism because you have conditioned your mind to maintain the mrs title anyhow e dey

      Nawa for u people o

      Delete
    11. 14:24
      Stop shouting, it's rude.

      Delete
  14. Husband's should assist in household chores after all it's just the sane thing to do, but some men have been raised to be idle in the house. If you are with a man that was raised to keep his fingers crossed πŸ˜€, is better you don't marry him to avoid feeling used and not cared for. If your man assists you, cherish him, they are few out there.

    ReplyDelete
  15. If you are a working woman if you can hire a maid/nanny/cleaner pls do and dont kill yourself,dey can come daily do dere work and go, they dont have to live with you. This will reduce majority of all dese arguements in marriage.
    As a woman u shld also have certain things u do urself at home. Mine is cooking.
    I believe in doing my own cooking,dont even want my husband cooking for me,he wont know right nutrition for a growing child. These type of things shouldnt cause problems in a marriage so far there is money to hire help and u have a reasonable husband who knows when u are overwelmed and helps you out. He too shld have things he does;he has is own role. If its doing all the heavy lifting in d house like fueling gen,putting it on,fixing things round the house,maintenance of cars,helping kids in assignment etc. Each person has a role to play and such things shdnt curse fight.

    ReplyDelete
  16. There must be an understanding and sacrifice in marriage,what works for A does not work for B ,just do what work for you both.What i dont do is to wash hubby's clothes and he knows that from day1, whenever he feels like cooking,he does it and we all eat.For the sake of peace ,do what makes you both Happy and forget about feminism in marriage

    ReplyDelete
  17. Feminism in marriage should not be relegated to cooking, laundry. It should be applied to every damn area of your marital life. Selective feminism is crap, bullshit. If u want equality in marriage, split everything 50/50. From finance to bedroom. Be claiming feminists when you cannot unclog a common kitchen sink.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell them oo πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    2. That is why we have plumbers dear

      Delete
    3. Poster ooo😁😁😁😁

      Anyways...

      A woman can be a plumber, its equality.

      Delete
  18. I grew up watching my mom cater to her home and watching my dad be the man by providing. Abeg I like am like that.. Besides I like that feeling of taking care of someone or putting things together in a home.

    The husband should try and know when to help out too.. Compatibility in marriage plays a major part in all these things. Love is not enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are right my sister
      Now the internet has made it easy for people to find quotes to justify their actions.
      Me that watched my dad wash our clothes including mums own before we got a washing machine. He is my hero, and I miss him.

      Delete
    2. Exactly. There are women who actually enjoy looking after their men and dere kids hand food. If that is your decision fine and your husbands role is to provide. What is the big deal there.
      If the load is too much get a help.
      I hate when i hear irrelevant things cause trouble in marriage.
      When u were single where u not cooking,cleanung and washing for urself. If its too much get washing machine and get help biko.

      Delete
  19. First of all people have very funny ideas what feminism is about. That one is a feminist doesn't mean you can't tell right from wrong. I pride myself as a feminist. My first real contact with feminism was in school taking a course Feminist Geography. I made up my mind that I was a feminist, then I started reading Chimamanda's work. Long story short I believe human beings are equal. In marriage, first of all I am not married yet and I am prepared to stay single till I find someone who believes in what I believe so nobody feels deceived. I believe a man and woman are equal partners in marriage. What is good for the goose is good for the gander. Be it house chores or financially and depending on who has what capacity and capability. If I have the wherewithal to run the home when husband man is not capable I will do it. What I will not stand is a lazy man. In every discussion, if you say "this is a woman's job", it will be my cue to leave. Just treat me as an equal and we will be fine.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls note that people change,if he has same belief with from the onset and change in marriage what happens.
      You aint ready to make sacrifices stay single

      Delete
    2. ms tee is staying single a disease?

      Delete
  20. Feminism in marriage?? Hmmmmmm!!!
    Nobody is a slave to the other, but I believe we all know our duties.
    Marriage/relationship is all about love and understanding.
    Where there’s love and respect, everything flows. I’ve read here countless times how some don’t cook or like cooking “#wifenotcook.
    How some make washing their husbands clothes a big deal. “God forbid” I can’t wash his clothes”
    There are some things I’d never let him do.
    One is, going to the market. I’m speaking for myself please.
    And also, most of these “feminists” are actually doing follow follow on the internet just to “belong”
    Go to their houses and see for yourselves what they do.
    We wonder why some marriages crash so early?
    As a wife, why should you make a big deal out of chores you do in your own home?
    I’m good with him providing for me and our kids, rest of mind, peace and happiness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly Slutty, those who tell you never to take shit in your marriage are actually taking shit and drinking urine in theirs. Internet tigers

      Delete
    2. For me, the problem is not a woman doing chores. If cooking for your husband makes you happy as a woman, if washing his clothes and serving him makes you happy as a woman, then do it. As long as it's your choice and it makes you happy. If you like sef, ehn, lie down and worship him every morning, if that's your choice, why not?
      My thing is, what am I as a woman getting from it? Marriage is 50-50: if I'm putting in 50%, I should be getting 50% from you, combined we make a 100%. Why should I contribute 70% and you give 30%? Why should you and I both work 40+ hours, split the bills and then I do all the chores? How is that balanced or fair? I personally don't see why the breadwinner (whether it's the husband or the wife) should do an equal amount of chores. If you as a man want me to wait on you hand and foot, then provide for my every need and pamper me. If not, let's do division of labor. Lobatan!

      Delete
    3. True words! πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ I'll never allow my husband go to the market wtf!!!

      Delete
  21. Can we not call this 'feminism in marriage' please?Feminism already has a bad rep due to all the crap people read on social media from people who do not know what feminism actually is but have taken on the title because they want to seem hip and woke.

    Feminism believes that women should have as much rights as men politically,economically and socially. A couple decides on the dynamics of their marriage.

    The same set of people talking bullshit about feminism would tell you a woman should be independent in marriage and have money of her own. Feminism made that possible. A woman can vote?Thank you Feminism. A woman can head an organization, run a talk show, be a president, moonwalk (literally),walk into a bar and order a drink....all thanks to feminism.
    One day, women will be able to walk down the streets without annoying catcalls,express themselves without being called slut,go past any group without a single tap on the bum....thanks to feminism.

    But you see whatever happens in a marriage you as an adult contracted with another adult is on you. Simple and short. Don't come here and be blaming a movement that has nothing to do with your marriage.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―

      Delete
    2. Thank you Kami. Such ignorance boggles the mind

      Delete
    3. You are an intelligent human. Dropping real knowledge. I go come take lessons after lockdown. Chai

      Delete
    4. πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜πŸ˜

      Delete
    5. Thank you Kamikaze. Whatever happens in marriage has nothing to do with Feminism. Feminism is all about the benefits you listed up there.

      Marriage is all about love respect communication and understanding. Find what works for you and your partner and stick to it.

      I'm a feminist today tomorrow forever. I'm a doctor today because someone fought for equal rights to education for women yesterday.
      We are not all there yet so I'm equally committed to contributing my own quota to create more equal opportunities for our daughters tomorrow. This is Feminism.

      Delete
    6. Thank you! I'm tired of explaining this

      Delete
    7. Thank you kamikaze. It is important to school those who are ignorant❤

      Delete
    8. Well said Kam KamπŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―

      Delete
    9. Thank you Kamikaze. People don't really know what feminism is all about. Yet a lot of women enjoy the dividends of it.
      It is well.

      Delete
    10. Thanks a lot for breaking it down. It was beginning to sound like feminism was a crime. A colleague of mine on her programme on National TV opened her mouth to say "I am not a feminist". Fast forward to when a male colleague pushed her and nearly beat her guess who made a U-turn? Lol. Long story sha. You can't be a feminist when it suits you. People need education.

      Delete
  22. When one quotes Submission in the Bible, one must also endeavour to remember that the same Bible also says a husband must love and cherish his wife as he does his own body.

    Eph 5
    In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.
    29
    After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.

    Love is patient, love is kind.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The same Bible says married couples should SUBMIT TO EACH OTHER. Ephesians 5:21. No one likes to talk about that one, though. Pastors will make a whole sermon out of "Wives, submit to your husbands" but they will NEVER mention where the Bible says we should submit to each other.

      Delete
  23. Feminism does not exist in a home where the spouses see each other as equal beings with the duty to build the home together.
    I believe every couple should pick what works for them...The lady should be able to ask for help when she needs it and the man should be willing to help take care of HIS HOME.

    Been the head of the home should mean leading by example by making your wife your partner in everything whether chores, funds and prayers.

    If you married a man who thinks otherwise then you married a slave master and equality in marriage will never exist in your home.


    LEPπŸ˜›

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think couples should understand themselves before marriage, they should look out for their strengths and weaknesses and learn to adjust to life situation. Marriage is all about compromise.

    ReplyDelete
  25. There's no particular manual to marriage,get a better underatanding of who your partner is and thats all.

    Some of the things we watch or read are just fiction,if your hubby chose to help fine,if he doesn't get a help maid if you can afford one.

    Competition in marraige is the begining of the downfall f that marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am not married yet but I can never marry a man that cannot help with ouse chores. Too much chores makes a woman age fast. And after I start aging he will find me unattractive and start going after other women. I can't deal abeg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Same way some men can never marry a woman that cannot help with the bills.

      Delete
    2. @ Rainbow,off course I will help with the bills. I have been trained to be an independent woman and I also have empathy. I can't kill another woman's son with bills all because he got married to me. Marriage is partnership and the husband and wife needs to work hand in hand.

      Delete
  27. A husband should support the wife with chores at home. I don't think having a roaster is necessary. But most men leaves all chores for their wife & this is very bad.
    My husband has never bath my kids for almost 6years of our marriage and can't even use our washing machine to wash his clothes. And we are both working. I got tired of complainig and almost walked out of the marriage.

    I stopped washing his clothes when he told me to stop washing his clothes wiith washing machine that it's spoiling them. I'm like, I no blame you, I allowed you turn me to your slave.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 😳😳😳😳

      Delete
    2. Your husband is selfish, if you both work and you also contribute to the finances of the house, he should help with the chores

      Delete
  28. We accept and always remind the men that it is their duty to provide for the home but when the men says it is the duty of a woman to do house chores, we scream and revolt.
    If the bills are been shared between the husband and wife, house chores should also be shared but if the man is the sole provider, he is not obliged to do house chores except he decides to help you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. First of all, Feminism is not simply sharing chores and money in marriage. Feminism goes beyond that and is clamoring for equal rights, equal pay, etc. Without feminists and suffrage, women would not be able to vote today. Women would not be able to rise to a certain level in their careers.

    The Bible talks about wives submitting to husband'Ms, and not women submitting to men.A person is not more superior to another because of their sex.

    Christian women, you do not need the validation of a man. You are complete in Christ, and in Him, there is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for we are all one in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:28).

    Do not make yourself less to accommodate for those with fragile egos. You are enough. You are worthy. You are not inferior.

    In the home, love and understanding should be key. A man who loves and cherishes his wife like his own body won't force her or treat her like crap in the home.

    (side eyes at men strutting around the house in their 3 day old boxers, scratching their chest while shouting, "mama Amaka, where is my afternoon food" talking about I'm the man blah blah blah)

    MEN, HELP YOUR WIVES IN THE HOME! IT WON'T TAKE ANYTHING FROM YOU OR REDUCE YOUR (rme) MASCULINITY.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Slutty Chic, Can I marry you already????

    too much sense is coming out from you

    ReplyDelete
  31. The long comment I typed disappeared,phew! Anyway, let me try again. I have taken time to study why these sort of issues come up everyday on social media and the two answers I've come up with are lack of love and selfishness. Let me try to explain. A lot of people are in marriage with people they neither love nor like. They get married because they feel it is what is expected of them or they are of age or they need a provider/caretaker, whatever, that is why doing simple things for their spouses is like punishment and the whole marriage has turned to battleground. I am a woman, I am a Christian and I am happily married. In Corinthians when Paul talked about love, he emphasised how love takes no thought to self and is not selfish. You can't say you love your partner and not continually look for ways to make his/her life better. Marriage is team work and what applied 100 years ago cannot apply now because times and situations I've changed. In those days, most women stayed home while men worked so it was logical for the women to take care of the home front but nowadays,that's hardly the case. My husband and I are professionals in our fields and we both have good jobs, we have one child. We both know how stressful living and working in Lagos is, by the time we get home in the evening,we are both fagged out. Sometimes I do the chores on Friday nights when my hubby and child are asleep ,that's if I'm not too tired but most times on Saturdays,we split the things to be done. For instance, I might be cooking the food to store in the freezer for the coming week while he takes our son to the mall to get the house supplies and then takes him to the barbershop. We try to do everything fast so we can have some time to rest and hang out before the new week starts. Financially, I pull my own weight too. I shudder when I see women who work/do business and insist on contributing nothing, all these mindsets stem from selfishness and lack of love. This year, we had lots of bills, my hubby paid the rent while I paid the school fees of our child. His macbook got stolen and I bought another for him. The following month, he changed my car to surprise me. We are continually trying to outdo each other in good deeds. On some weekends,I can be up as early as 4am to make a grand breakfast just to make him smile. On some days,he is the one that does that. When you are truly in love with your partner and your goal is the same, all these petty things won't be an issue. Please , eliminate every form of selfishness from your marriage, work with your partner to build the kind of home you would be excited to come back to at the end of the day and you would be happier for it. Shalom. #fireandice

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    1. You are wise...God bless your home

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    2. Best comment ever, if u love someone u would find ways to make them happy. Well said sis, my marriage is some what like this, mutual understanding respect and love

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    3. Outdo each other in Good deeds πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―πŸ’―

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    4. Love this.
      More joy in your marriage.

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    5. This is it!πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ˜š
      God bless your home.

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  32. Yes I am a happily married feminist.
    Feminism is all about choice. We have a family model which we have chosen to run our home by and its working for us.
    The beauty of it is that both of us had the Freedom and of tweaking it to the way it is now and if any of us are discontent by anything, we sit down and discuss as equal partners in the marriage.
    My husband knows better than to throw try to force me into things I don't want to do.
    He knows I can handle the home with or without his presence as he travels quite a lot due to work.
    People try to reduce feminism to changing tyres and putting on the generator. Please. We have mechanics and electricians for that.
    Even if I were a house wife, I would still be a feminist because it all about equality in marriage. Not about who pays which bills and washes which plates.
    You think feminism in marriage is evil?
    Tell that to the wife who can't say no to her husband for sex, even when he is cheating on her without protection.
    Tell that to the wife who is raped because she said no to her husband while on her period.
    Tell that to the wife whose husband forced to resign or close her business because "men are looking at her"
    Tell that to the wife who the husband would chase to the room when he has vistors
    Tell that to the wife who can lay no claims on the children she bore
    Tell that to the wife who is beaten and sent out naked by her husband whenever they have issues
    Tell that to the wife who has to call boys and girls she is far older than Aunty and Boda, the ones that their inlaws would come and live with them without having a say.
    The wives that cater to inlaws all year round without a thank you from them
    The widow that is forced out of the house she built with her husband after his death
    The one that is sent out of marriage and the kids taken from her
    The single mothers that do not receive child support from their exes because "when pikin grow, e go find in papa"
    The ones that their husbands refuse to let then travel to see her parents because "he has paid her bride price and he owns her"
    It is all good and fine to seat at your lofty heights and ridicule feminists because you have not been a first hand victim of the bitter patriarchy that is embedded in the marriages in this country.
    I can be a feminist and still choose to submit to my husband. It is not either/or. And that freedom of choice is what makes feminism beautiful.

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    1. God bless you. The same ladies castigating feminism are the ones who enjoy the most benefits from it

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    2. *standing ovation* Nothing more to add.

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    3. RSQ,don't I just love you?you Did it all,I can still be a feminist and be submissive to my husband.
      Silent Beebee.

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    4. πŸ™ŒπŸ™Œ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

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    5. You said it all, it depends on every woman to know what works for her. If feminism makes u fulfilled so be it, but if being a Semi-feminist is for u, go for it! Just strife to be a woman of substance who will mark her feet on the sand of time.

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    6. God bless you! People who have no understanding of what women have suffered for years just come up writing nonsense. You think feminism is about who washes plates? Wait until I tell you about my doctor friend who her husband forced to resign and she was told she had to 'in order to keep her home'. She was a doctor in a multinational NGO, now she begs her friends for as little as 5k because her husband prefers to spend on sidechics than give her anything. These and many more are the battles women continue to fight, the battle to be seen as a human being with freedom to make our life choices the same way men do. Oh sit in your bubble and pretend none of these issues concern you. One day, you will understand.

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    7. Awesome πŸ‘

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    8. πŸ“£πŸ“£πŸ“£πŸ‘πŸ‘

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    9. A Queen and more @RSQ. My initial comment didn't go through. πŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΎπŸ‘πŸΎ

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    10. You are amazing.

      Lots of love.πŸ’ž

      ■Sho'Lape

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  33. I think SDK should bring up a discuss on SEX STARVATION in marriage. You'd be surprise at what is happening in most homes. Thanks

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    1. Anonymous 15:10, you are spot on. I actually think SDK should do a topic on:

      1. SEX STARVATION - I believe a lot of men are suffering from this but don't talk
      2. MEN FINDING OUT THEIR WIVES CHEATED AND WHAT THEY DID AFTER - A lot of men are suffering in silence due to societal stigmatization of being told that they are not capable of protecting their wives from other men.

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  34. The trouble with being a feminist in marriage is when you go and marry a male chauvinist that can't tolerate all feminism stands for, sorry na your name.
    In my home my hubby cleans as the spirit leads, i do not force or him or anything because when you complain eh, he will never do it. Whenever I am having a lazy day, he takes a look a me and know that I am having one those no strength for cleaning days, he will just call someone to come and help me clean, so far, so good! He is a good provider.

    Melancholy

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  35. Stella, there is no such thing as "woke" or "feminism" in marriage. It is modern reality, period. Each generation has what works for them according to the times. What worked for baby boomers will not work for millenials. What worked for millenials cannot work for Gen X.
    Even though my parents were both graduates, my mom decided to put her career on hold and stay at home for us the kids. It was a traditional form of marriage. Daddy worked and he took care of us handsomely! He made more than enough to take care of the bills, pay school fees and give my mom an allowance. In turn, my mom took care of all the things pertaining to the house: such as making sure bills were paid on time, making sure the house was neat, laundry was done, food cooked on time, kids were taken care of and so on. My dad used to say he was the Chairman and my mom was the Managing Director.
    The one thing that has not changed about marriage is that it is a partnership. Rather, it's the terms and conditions of the partnership that evolve with the times. In the case where a woman is a stay at home mom or a work from home mom and her husband is the primary breadwinner, then it's only right that the woman manages the home. However she does that is to her convenience.
    However, here is the case where we both work 40 hours a week, and in my case, more because I run multiple businesses. We both split the bills equally. We both come home tired. If we can split the bills, why can't we split the chores? Isn't marriage supposed to be 50-50? If you're benefitting more from the marriage than I am, then why am I married to you? You see, modern women are not afraid to ask the question "what is in it for me" and it's a good thing! There are too many narratives that suggest that to be a worthy woman, you must "suffer" and "endure". It's high time we as African women started making ourselves a priority and drop this "virtuous woman" complex. Do what you can handle, and not what society says you ought to handle.
    If you can work 40+ hours a week and come home and do mass cooking and clean up all by yourself, then by all means, do it and do it well. However, if you cannot handle that pressure, please don't kill yourself. Find a partner who is enlightened enough to understand, so that you guys can find ways to work around it: whether you'll get external help by way of a housekeeper or he'll help you out more. Marriage is a two way street, please.

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    1. πŸ˜˜πŸ˜˜πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

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    2. You have spoken well, i have a problem with all those male chauvinist that thier wives holds the purse strings but is still expected to take care of the home front all alone even after breaking their backs to make money and are still expected to also break the bed at night. Please ladies if you believe in feminism you better marry a man that understands you are a feminist so as to avoid problems.

      Melancholy

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  36. Maybe it’s feminism and maybe It’s not, but we are all humans. As a woman I don’t like doing dishes just as some men don’t like doing it. I don’t have to be forced to do it just because I’m a woman. Having said that, it doesn’t mean I don’t do dishes at all, it’s not just my favorite thing to do. In my family we are 4, 2 girls and 2 boys and my parents shared plate washing for everyone, I used to bribe my brothers with money so they can do my dishes on my assigned day that’s how much I hated dishes. Now fast forward to marriage life, I do dishes and my husband does them as well. Matter of fact there are days dishes would be flowing everywhere and my husband would do them “he’ll just say ngozi you and plates na wa.” He’ll take off his work clothes and start doing them while I Assist with rinsing. He does laundry 100% we cohabited for 2 years before we got married. Since we moved in with together till now he’s been the one doing laundry. He doesn’t know how to cook at all, so I do most of the cooking. My point is this growing up in a system where they believe women should solely do chores, they’ve forgotten that before anything we are all humans and people vary. You’ll meet people who like doing house chores without grumbling and you’ll meet the ones who would curse out while doing it. When you are married to someone who doesn’t like doing chores man/woman the two of you should come to a compromise. Chores are for everyone not just women.

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  37. The Chimamanda whose footstep you all are following I hope y'all see how she respects her husband. Don't let online liars deceive and lie to you all.

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    1. God you need education. Do you need to be a feminist to respect your fellow human being? Respect is reciprocal and I am sure here husband respects her.

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    2. You must be living with them to know how she respects her husband at home.

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  38. Me na typical Igbo man I marry,ekelu olu eke biko(duites are well shared) I cannot come and make him to be washing plates and scrubbing floor then when he goes for end of month family meeting or town meetings,they will be calling him to come and wash plates and serve kolanut 'okwa i na asabu lu nwunye gi efele'(shebi you wash plates at home for your wife na?),abeg i oo.

    Truth is: the tedious task belong to him,the whole of yesterday evening he was ironing alllll the dry clothes the laundry guys returned, as I type he is up the roof supervising washing of overhead tanks,tomorrow he is going to service the pumping machines then he will now come and wash plate or arrange bedrooms? hian

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    1. Are we not saying same thing? Contribution. Some men leave everything I mean everything ma nta na imo to the wife. All women are saying is to help out in whatever way. Lessen the burden.

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  39. All i know is a good marriage is made up of two good givers.

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  40. Some men will see trash in the living room they’ll not pick it up, they’ll wait till their wives get back from the market or something and point the trash out for her to pick. If I’m the wife I won’t pick it up, the house belongs to two of us, if its looking bad it’s on us not just me. If that’s what you guys are calling feminism then I’m a big one. I hate nonsense! My friend Toyin would cook for her husband serve it and put in a plate so that when he comes back he’ll just micro wave it and eat, guess what? The husband will wait for her to come back and microwave the food for him to eat. I’m not knocking her o, but me ghenero will not do that nonsense. If that makes me a feminist I’m not mad at it. My husband works night shift and I work days, so 6am in the morning I’m at work and by 7pm I’ll be home. At this time I’m tired as hell and all I want to do is sleep and this man will open his mouth to say “ghenero this children never baff since morning o” like nigga, you were home with them for 10hrs if it’s bothering you go shower them. Now people will say that’s feminism too o, But I just worked 10hrs while you were home doing nothing let me sleep I’m tired. People need to know and respect when their spouse is tired and pick up the slack. Men doing chores in the house is not feminism please! The home is for the 2 not just the woman, most men don’t help out with kids at all so imagine handling the kids, cooking and chores all by yourself not that your husband is dead o, you’ll go crazy and sadly some men will see you going crazy with everything and won’t stand up from that couch to help you, it’s just sad. Speaking for myself here I pay bills equally with my husband, he pays light/gas bills/ internet and our car insurance. I pay the rent and buy food stuffs. Do anything to make the home work don’t just subject your partner to do all the work. Leave feminism alone if there’s cooperation in the first place the issue of feminism won’t be heard of.

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  41. I stay at home all day because of lack of job, it will be unfair for me to just sit at home waiting for my husband that works to come back and start sharing house chores. I cook our food, sweep and clean. He helps out on Saturday that he is around and also help with most of the shopping since he has a car and I don't but all these things he does I still see it as he is only helping, he also washes his clothes. He will never pile up dirty clothes for me to wash but anytime am washing and I see his one or two shirts he soaked for later washing, I help out. It has been working for us and I don't have problem with that

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    1. Your marriage is a partnership. Wishing you the best.

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  42. It's not feminism Stella .My marriage is A partnership .Both of us Hare bills and house chores .He brings more financially.I do not wash his clothes .I made it clear when we were dating I do not wash.Currently the washing machine is spoilt...The washer woman comes to do all the laundry ...We Cook in turns ..or let me say I cook more often but my husband is very helpful.i do not feel stressed one bit in my marriage .I'll marry him Over and Over
    He respects me I respect him
    Even family members say I jazzed my hubs ..I do not care.I bless God whenever I pray cos I know this man is a rare breed .
    For the men shouting you'll to Singlea mother ,you'll not marry etc..You were badly raised .That's the truth .you grew up with the mentality that a woman's place is That of a slave ..You saw your mums slave all through and you want it to continue
    If you are single baby girl there are good men ...Are you a good woman too?Are you willing to Offer the Happiness you want to receive?
    God bless all of us

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  43. They are all ranting feminism and they honestly do not no the meaning. Hang your nonsensical feminist crab at the gate of your house before walking in. Seek to have compromises with the man you married. Before marriage you must know if he is the type they will help with chores and cooking If you go to his house to cook and clean his house every week during courtship it will be foolish to expect him to do chores everyday after marriage

    Alexander

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  44. Marriage is team work. Roles can change and interchange to make the team achieve its goal. Just make sure you have the right team mates and it makes things much easier without too much drama and tabs.#Myopinion. 10 years married by God's grace.

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  45. Every man is a gentle leopard.
    A respectful wife controls her husband indirectly.
    Where there is mutual understanding, each person wants the best for the other.
    There are no hard rules to this.
    Let's apply wisdom in all we do.
    Marriage works Better for couples with goals.


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  46. God bless you Flawless, that is the way marriage should be. If the man is more busy trying to make money the other person should make themselves useful in turn. It's just a thing of supporting the other person. It should not be a battle front or I bring 50 you bring 50.

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  47. Anon 17.15 post covers it all. A colleague almost destroyed her marriage by instigating her into aluta feminism. Thank God for giving her wisdom to retrace her steps.

    Feminism and bride price or dowry payment are contradictory. But how may female BVs spoke up against it during their marriage. How many will not ask for or pay during their children marriage
    ceremonies. Yes, I know some women contribute now in meeting their family lists. They are the exception. The fact that some use this to taunt the men during break up shows they still see it as an aberration than an acceptable practice.

    How many female BVs would be willing to share all bills 50% - 50% as some would want the household chores done, especially if such formula would leave more money in the pocket of the man for his absolute use without accounting to the wife.

    Feminism in Marriage advocates should start from elimination of bride price and dowry payment. They should now teach their children male and female all the qualities they want seen in their husbands. Then they should re-educate their daughters to stop thinking and acting the phrase "my money is my money, his money is our money"

    What women should seek in marriage is to be treated as a person. God's child. In turn, they should so treat their partners.



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