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Thursday, June 04, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmmmmmmm....








STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
THE WEDDING LIST:



Thank You Stella for the opportunity.

Here goes my story.


My friend just had his wedding introduction and he spent quite a lot.

He is presently planning his marriage for July.


My worry is that I saw the list he was given by his bride’s family and it was quite a lot. Cow,Goats etc. This is not inclusive of all the real wedding expenses. His fiancée is not working yet so he’s going to bear almost all the cost of the wedding with little assistance from his parents. His brides dad is late. He intends to set up his wife in a business after the wedding.


I had some nasty experience after my own wedding because it took me a while to settle my debts despite the fact that my wife is working and contributed her own bit.

The thing is my friend is a junior level civil servant and he is planning on going all the way. I know his finances is going to take a big hit after the wedding. He doesn’t even have a car yet.

How do I explain to him to take things easy without sounding like an hater? I mean he played a big part in my own wedding and saw all the big things I did but he didn’t know how it took me almost a year to offset my debts.

This guy is a bossom friend and nice person. I’m worried he is about to fall into the pit I fell into after my wedding. My salary is almost 3times his own and despite my wife’s parents contributing quite a lot I still incurred a lot of debt, and unlike me all these luxuries he doesn’t have. To be honest till today me and my wife still tell ourselves that if we had known better we won’t have done all what we did. Spending so much on a 2days celebration.


How do I persuade him without sounding like an hater? Without it being like I’m discouraging him from enjoying his day “like I did for mine”? I know lots of people will say I should drink water and mind my business but I quite understand what I’m saying. He is a great friend and I’m worried about the aftermath.

I had another not so close friend who “did more than himself “ in his wedding, marriage didn’t even last up to 1year due to financial stress they went through after marriage. Ordinary rent he couldn’t pay. Wife got frustrated and lashed out at him,he lashed back and within a year everything went bottoms up.


I’ve talked to him and he promised he’s going to take things slow but I know he only said that to get me off his back.

I’m just worried and it’s.......#sigh




*Hmmmmmmm I think experience is the best teacher...If he tells his wife to be what you told him,she will declare you a hater ...if you have advised him and he promised,then sit back and do what you can to make his day meaningful and mind your business...

Be ready to give him tips on how to pay back his debt...lol

79 comments:

  1. I go with what Stella said , you're even a nice person, some people will not care and 'will say you're and adult so you should know better'

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Pls take Stella advise Nd rest ur case. Eat ofe nsala Nd pounded yam on d wedding day Nd enjoy urself biko. If u over flog this matter u will become an enemy. Sheh u Nd ur wife survived ? He Nd his own will survive na man him b too .

      Delete
    2. I think some of this big weddings are contributing to marriage pack-up. Started with wrong impression that you are loaded then after few months, no more vitamins....

      Delete
    3. That BARRACK BOY4 June 2020 at 16:57

      Then, get off is back, sabi sabi sabi, na your wedding, jealousy, you don't want him to have the kind of wedding you had, abeg get out, I hate friends like you. Drinking Panadol for another person headache

      What about the bride nkor, what if she want a big wedding

      Abeg park well

      Delete
    4. Oga just face your front. No be your business . Busy body

      Delete
    5. I really didn't read it to the end. How is it your business? That you earn more than him doesn't make you richer.

      Cautioning him isn't bad but not to the extent of being so worried. Help out with the little you can and face your own marriage. He is a man. Let him live his life, make his own mistakes and grow.

      Delete
    6. If he is you friend tell him your experience. Let him know they need Monet to fall back to

      Delete
    7. Poster you sound like a good person and friend. I cherish friends like you. I think you have done your best which is to advise. Keep them in your prayers.

      Delete
  2. I wish it were possible for you to show him this post, then he'll truly understand you mean well, but if you do, he'll still feel you shared his story on a public forum.

    Twins Squared

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I believe there is a way you can advise him by telling him to do it within his mean. But dnt over flog it. Allow him make his decisions pls.

      Delete
    2. Unfortunately, people spend more time planning and prepping for their wedding than the marriage itself.

      In their bid to have their dream wedding or to impress people, they go way beyond and above what they can afford, only to end up struggling financially after the wedding has happened.

      Please let's be wise.

      Poster, you can only advise your friend. That's your part to play. It's up to your friend to listen or not. It's his call, not yours.

      It's best you share your experience with him. Tell him the reality of things but don't be pushy about it.

      In the end, it will be on record that you warned him like every good friend should. Again, it's his decision to make, not yours.

      Delete
  3. Just try to talk to him oneore time and I hope e listen, or else leave him alone.
    I don't know how someone will do wedding and be paying debt after the ceremony has long gone.

    If you no wan make we go court with 10 people, five family member from each side, dey your papa house, I can't never owe debt to please the crowd.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. DON! You just entered my book of like with this statement. I hate crowd, I hate expenses and I hate debt. I want nothing more than 50 people at my traditional marriage and I'm not interested in church wedding cus it's just serenren

      Delete
    2. Small wedding nai win am oo

      Delete
    3. Very annoying something. Instead of investing their money in real estate or setting up a side hustle. My wedding, God know say i wont borrow neither will i run into debts. 50 people i don marry.

      Delete
    4. I don't like crowd, my aunts wedding made me hate crowd..nowhere for me to put leg, noise everywhere, It kind of stresses me out!


      I like everything simple but classy.

      Delete
    5. This coro time is a good time to get married...

      Delete
  4. Oga poster, just stay behind the scene but you can always chip in to him on how he can manage his wedding finances but in a friendly way. You can also just allow him to make that mistake cos definitely as Stella said, if he tells his wife she might hate you for life.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah I believe you should give him tips as a friend on how to manage his finances.. and then keep quiet and watch how things unfold..You are a nice person and God bless you..

      Delete
    2. @Poster tell him the debt you paid even after the wedding, talk to him that he should borrow to marry even if he doesn't have money for cow, he should buy chickens/goats. Big weddings don't guarantee happiness/make marriages last forever.

      Delete
  5. Guys have a way they communicate these things to each other naw. "In a bar, guy you know how my wedding take happen, it took me months to recover, as my guy I don't want you to go same path so you don't struggle bla bla bla"
    Tell him the truth and be detailed and open about it and let him make his decisions. It all depends on the type of wife he's marrying too. If she's the over the top type, it won't help him but if she's not, she'll reason it out with him.
    Las las if he doesn't listen, he'll have to learn the hard way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. people should learn to do things according to what they can afford , also prepare more for the marriage than the wedding itself.
    I think this whole list thing should be reviewed , why labour a young man which so much in the name of marriage ??
    I think you should advice your friend genuinely , tell him as it is , most importantly with this whole pandemic he should be considering securing his future and that of his kids in investments rather than incurring any form of debt in the name of marriage .
    Wisdom is profitable to direct .

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Choco baby, I think the poster if he's close to the fiancee and she's the level headed type, he should have a one on one with her. Better still, with both of them. So as to avoid anyone trying to stir up hatred/grudge against him.
      If the girl is a builder, she would help her fiance regulate his expenses, and if she's not, "to your tent o Israel"...

      Delete
    2. @Choco it is really sad oh @ Mama Mia how you dey advicing both of them will have been great but we can't vouch how the lady will respond to the advice.

      Delete
    3. Exactly. Why would u want such financial strain on yourself. You will be on ur honeymoon and he thinking of how to settle gbese.

      I'm proud to say that we didn't owe anyone a dime after my wedding, not one kobo not because we were rich enough to afford that kind of wedding but because of proper planning.

      Delete
    4. Hmm you are the one thinking like this.
      I know a guy that’s saying someone has promised to borrow him 10m when he’s ready to get married. Very excitedly when he was talking.
      Some men are just as party crazy as some women, But would pretend like it’s all the woman’s idea.

      Delete
    5. Choc 🍫 you spoke my mind.. I don't know if people forget the fact there's more list to tick✅ after the wedding,if you can do extra, please do but if you can't.. do what you can only afford. Simple!



      I don learn small for this blog o

      Delete
  7. Poster you are a good friend but then it's up to your friend to take your advice. I'll say you should sit him down and tell him your own experience and then let him be. If he learns from yours, fine and if not, you leave him to learn from his own experience.

    You'll know you've done your own part as a friend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Why not try sharing your personal experience with him(of how it took you a whole year to offset your debt)? Maybe he'll change his mind if not drink water and mind your business.

    P.S I like the way you care about your friend's well being. Weldone.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Well this is a dicey situation, I would advise you not to tell him directly.
    When you guys are having your guys talk, just tell him that his upcoming wedding reminds you of yours, start with the good side and end with the negative side. If he's a smart guy, he will code the message embedded in that conversation.
    I don't really know why people like big weddings, I always been a fan of a small wedding and intend doing that.
    People gets surprised when I say this considering that I am igbo, from imo and an Ada, lol.
    Those umuna, umuada and entire Village people, I have gotten the unique almighty mathematical formula to deal with their problem.
    Now I am doing theory, my wedding tike would be for practical
    nd God willing, I would come back here na show you guys how I got an A.
    I feel like sharing this formula with single ladies, but I need to carry out an experiment first.
    #laughs real hard and keeps a straight face

    ReplyDelete
  10. You were genuinely concerned and don't want him to make the same mistake you made... I got your feelings...

    But hey, everyone don't think alike... He or his fiancee might view it differently....

    So, allow them to make their decision and reap the aftermath...


    Just support him in your own way and keep minding tour business...

    You can't cry more than the bereaved...

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  12. Oga mind your business. Allow him to do whatever make him feel right.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Since you already discussed this issue with him once, I think you are asking us how to talk to him and make him accept. Well, there is no such thing. Freedom and reason make us human. If this is taken away, we are no better than animals. You have discussed with him. Let him be. Matters like that are best learned from experience. What you can do now is pray and fast for him so that they will surmount the financial trouble when it comes. That the fire of the financial adversity doing press-up on their case will only consume the dross if their union but not the union itself. Oya start praying!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Poster since he is your blossom friend, there is nothing there to hide from him. Tell him what you went through after your own wedding. Make him understand that he can still do it in a small way.
    Another thing, know if his wife is pressuring him for a big wedding, because some ladies love their wedding more than marriage. If she is, he should talk to her and be sincere with her about his worth, so that she will understand the need for low key wedding.
    After telling him all that and he refuse to listen , let him be and do what he want.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I understand your predicament. I advise you share your concerns with him privately and advise him. Share your experience with him as honestly as you can.

    After you have done so, back off. You've done your bit as a friend. It's left for him to take your advice or not. Don't try to force your opinions on him. Don't try to advise his fiancee unless you have a good relationship with her that's separate from your friend. Also, it's best not to gossip about this with mutual acquaintances or friends so he doesn't hear this outside.

    BTW, some people are still spending anyhow this corona period?

    ReplyDelete
  16. E never spend , bt me don dy pity am already. Anyways u fit use style tell am na, based on coro matter.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You said you have already spoken to him already, your intentions are good but you can't force your advice down his throat. Even me the reader self, whilst I understood your concern, thought thoughts you sounded like a hater too.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Some people likes to overdo things sha, things they know they aren't capable of doing just because they wants to show off to people and cry later..

    And if problems persist they will be blaming God or imagining one neighbour doing them.

    Poster, just listen to stella's advice

    ReplyDelete
  19. Most people are just scared of the truth;and that is the problem..

    If I'm your friend;I'm either telling you the truth or nothing..

    If you call him your friend;be honest and give him your own experience in full details;then allow him make his choice..
    Let him know it happened to you!!

    Another option;advice him to have a heart discussion with his wife to be..
    If for example he plans to spend two million on his wedding expenses and has 1.6 million cash;let him tell her that he would give her 1.2 million cash to start any business of her choice;then they can use the remaining 400k to do other traditional rite and then use a court wedding to round it up..

    If she refuses that option;she is not a builder,neither is she his helpmate..

    In summary;it means that she cares about people's validation than her husband's(immediate family) peace of mind..

    @MARTINS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 👍

      Her relatives are very wicked, this always happens when the brides father is late.
      Poster advice your friend, if he decides to go all that one concern am.

      Support him with what you have sha.

      Melancholy

      Delete
    2. And my neighbor has been begging her husband for a simple white wedding just that she hasn't given birth to a baby boy said the husband and this woman can poke-nose and gossip...

      Delete
  20. You are a good fellow poster. Same thing we were adviced before our wedding but we didn't heed. Experience is the best teacher but a wise man learns from another mans experience.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Since you've told him, just sit back and pray for them. Assist them if you want to. I wish them well.

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  22. You are a good friend! Still try talking to him one more time to see if he will listen to you! Tell him how concern you are and if he doesn't listen,mind your business and support him with the little you can!

    What's the essence of pleasing the crowd and end up begging later? People should just do what they can afford!

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is hard, because no matter how honest ur good Intentions are, it will be termed as bad ... All I can say is, just support him as best as you can.

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  25. I and my hubby made the same mistake,he tried advicing his relative and the wife called him a hater,two months after wedding they are asking for money to eat.
    Please mind your business,

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Imagine that nonsense.
      I can't let it happen to me o, this discussion affected my relationship with someone recently.
      She want a big wedding ll because she's been attending others girl's wedding, hers can't be any less.
      She want big wedding by all possible mean, I just look her and Waka pass.
      I will rather go low key and invest my money.
      I no be Jesus, I no dey feed anybody.

      Delete
  26. Poster explain to him n let him understand everything. Remind him of yours n wat u went through but if he still says No ,den u can mind ur biz by then

    ReplyDelete
  27. I agree with Stella advice. You can still open up to him on what you went through after your wedding, he might be moved after that. If not jejely enjoy yourself that day and leave them to pack their shit later.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Allow him to make his mistake. He will not take the advice, he will see you as a hater.

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  29. Some people won't just listen!

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  30. Since this guy is a "nice person"
    And your salary is thrice his.
    Talk to him? Yes and tell him the truth that you and wife incurred debts and
    you are regretting it.
    But keep some money as gift you will give him only after his wedding.
    Why? -So that he does not wed with it too.

    I've always told my friends here that preparing for marriage is the
    main thing and not wedding. slash those wedding expenses. 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🔔🔔🔔

    ReplyDelete
  31. Please mind your business.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Stella I like your last paragraph. Just give him tips on how to pay his debts if peradventure he incures debts.

    This covid 19 period that people are doing quick marriage, your friend wants to overdo naim Sabi.

    ReplyDelete
  33. Person want to spend and U want to give advice... R u on leave and looking for how to cure boredom

    ReplyDelete
  34. Pls advice him but don't over do it, lest he tag u a hater like Stella said. I wonder why some intending couples dey clamor for big wedding when there pocket is thin. Hian

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  35. You are a good friend. It is nice to see that you don't want your friend making the same mistakes you did. Just talk to him about your experience and how it affected you. Hopefully he listens.

    ReplyDelete
  36. That list is for family members,Umunna,Umuada to come and share,he should better get sense now or he will cry had i know thereafter...

    ReplyDelete
  37. I really think you should mind your business

    ReplyDelete
  38. Onyeoma Emeka kindly drink water and face front he’d learn from his mistakes.

    Let it be his first lesson in marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  39. People should learn to cut their clothes according to their sizes. Do you know that after a wedding, most people don't really remember anything, they move to the next event. But most couples will not listen. They try to please beyond their capacities. I love small weddings.

    ReplyDelete
  40. You tried but if he refuse to heed to your advice, let him be... Time shall tell.

    ReplyDelete
  41. A girl who is not working and her bride list is long? Oga tell your friend to hold the wedding till he settles down financailly well. How can he even do elaborate intro? pata pata intro no suppose chop more than 50k , no be just food and drinks?

    ReplyDelete
  42. Dear Poster, you are a good person. Find a way to talk to him about it. When I am hubby were getting married, I chose a simple plan. Just registry, low key trad and church blessing. My friends thought we were broke but we were making wise money decisions are ddnt want to waste all. Instead we used our money to buy properties in Lagos and Owerri. Also got good cars and working on starting our business.
    I am even giving financial advice to some of the friends that mocked me. So find a way to share your experience with him. Let him decide what he wants to do.

    ReplyDelete
  43. Advice is much than gold a friend give. Call his attention, advice him use yourself as example. I go with KHALEEZI post.

    ReplyDelete
  44. One thing I have learnt in this life as a senior sis to my siblings and relatives is to always speak when I see things or one taking a wrong decision. I will advise you on the obvious difficulties you will encounter and its implication but will never comply you to do just that.

    Some people are met to learn from their mistake and in turn be a better person or better still be an adviser with first hand experience to others. So, is left for you to avoid it or experience it. Bros talk to him by giving him raw instances and let him decide what to do.

    As a wonderful friend to him, reduce your support towards the said wedding, don't look at his reaction because it might be heartbreaking and save it to help him in future when the ideal marriage challenges appears and take him unprepared. Believe me, his joy and prayers towards you will come directly from his heart unadulterated.

    ReplyDelete
  45. You could try talking to him about it. You never can tell your words could change his mind into having a small wedding. Kudos to my dad for the role he played in my life during my wedding. May God continue to rest his soul. He used the rent for the event venue my husband gave him to make a down payment for a plot of land for us and insisted on we using our compound. My husband was shocked when he took him to the land and told him to pay the balance of 100k. I became a landlady two years after wedding. If you see the photo book you wouldn't believe it was done in a compound all thanks to the decorator.

    ReplyDelete
  46. Oga poster, mind your business it is as simple as that

    ReplyDelete

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