Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

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Wednesday, September 23, 2020

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative....

Hmmmmmmmmm






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFUSED


Hello Stella,
Thank you for all you do and your platform. Please, I'd like you to share this with blog visitors as I am in dire need of an advice


Prior to rounding off my service year, I had prayed to God for a life partner and I was very specific about the qualities I desire.(very God-fearing, very intelligent, kind and comfortable). I have always believed I have a good relationship with Christ so I had looked forward to meeting my husband; God has not actually failed me before I must confess.


The week I was to round off with service. Fam, I kid you not I had four men asking me out and talking marriage. So, I started the screening process; with God of course.


The first one, whose company I actually enjoyed more than the rest and I thought we had a lot in common, turned out to be very petty and gives a lot of energy towards dark spiritual matters. Every symbol meant something to him and every world leader was out to reduce the population of the world.


 And I was always the first person to reach out whenever we had a disagreement and somehow to him all my WhatsApp Status had something to do with him. (Fam, if you knew me, you will know I am the last person to ever bring my private matters to social media space). I guessed these were all the signs I needed and I refused to make the last call.


The second guy has a lot of money but he is not educated not even secondary school level. He also has a lot of insecurities to deal with. So, I let him go.

The third one is almost my age-mate and still very much into the world so I stopped communications with him.


The fourth one who happens to be last to come around told me his intentions the first day we met even though I told him to allow us get to know each other better, he proposed after two months publicly. He has met my parents already and preparations for wedding arrangements are underway. 


The issue is that I am not physically or mentally attracted to him. But, somehow I feel I will have peace with him . He is not as God-fearing as I would have loved neither does he concern himself with reading news and social media platforms. Sometimes, I get irritated knowing that all we ever talk about is family and sex(though we are abstaining but he is really pressuring). 


Other times, I am grateful that he doesn't read the crazy things on the media space and I just want to protect him from them all.
I feel like our interest in different things and his very narrow outlook towards life might cause issues in the future. 


Based on our temperaments, I don't think there is a better man out there for me(I am quite short-tempered and easily irritated but I am definitely working towards being a better person) . Though, he is not domesticated at all but he doesn't lord the whole misogynistic thing over me. 


If I raised concern over his nonchalant attitude to read, I know he will try to adjust but I fear it might change him negatively as well; he tries to be better for me safe for the fact that he still pressures me for sex. 


I am one hundred percent ready to support him financially as he is not very buoyant and he is very supportive towards my career and well-being. Though, I have turned down mouth-watering jobs outside our place of abode so as to focus on the relationship due to his conviction. 

I just want to know if there are other couples that have dealt with this and how they have been able to manage it. 

He really can't wait for us to settle down so also our both families. He is very convinced I am the one for him so also his family and pastors (though we are of different denomination). 

I have been praying but the response this time seems to be different.

Thank you so much Stella and blog visitors for your responses.

Sorry, in the sixth paragraph.
I meant to write - "I am not physically or mentally attracted to him YET but somehow I feel I will have peace with him (the yet here is excluded).




*Na wah oh,you seem very very choosy.....what is wrong with this one you want to Marry?Only you see the wrong and good at once...Remember you are also not perfect.....

Make you close eyes marry am or leave am!!!

81 comments:

  1. Replies
    1. One of the problem most young ladies have is their inability to say no to minor majors. They often think life is what they see.
      As a woman, I'd tell you this get your life going well off first before marriage. You can maintain this relationship, since you seem carried away by it already. But find your economic feet first. Position yourself well, before veering into married life.

      While your narration was centred on your wants, have you actually asked that same God to direct your path towards what you need now? Trust me, it might turn out not to be marriage. It's good to marry early but it's best to marry when one is matured to live through married life. This seeming fun and excitement won't always be there, you know?

      One thing though, your write-up has failed to answer is if you're compatible to your prayer request. Psychologically this you up there is not mature for marriage. Emotionally you are not. Financially you are not. And other maturity you need to level up with, before you end up starting a journey of an unhappy marriage, this young in your life. In this your quest, what are you bringing into this "promising union?" Are presently solvent or insolvent with meeting marital challenges halfway?

      I'm glad that to an extent, you know what you are looking for, especially that he supports you - but have compared his vision of marriage with yours? One thing is saying it but the problem is living it through. Please take charge of your life and set forth your ambition. Don't make marriage your holy grail this early in your life, while you are yet to sort life through. Nor discover who you are, who you want to be and the reality of the hurdle ahead. Can you at this point in your life, give the exact of this marriage you are craving for?

      Adulthood is a never ending journey of learning, unlearning and relearning - equip your mind better. Refuse to live in a false oasis, please. For you are not prepared for it.
      Hugs to you...

      Delete
    2. BlackBerry you are 100% correct. Since none is what u want, Keep looking!!

      Delete
    3. Babe,

      1. When I was your age, I picked and picked and picked. I was looking for a perfect man. There was no mother or older sister to guide me into understanding the fact that there was NO PERFECT PERSON OUT THERE.
      2. I am in my forties and still single and I would feel sad if you get misled into chasing all 4 men away. Most ladies on this blog would tell you to chase suitors away, do not pay attention to them because you don't know what they are putting up with in their relationships and marriages.
      3. To find a well-rounded, good man in the generation of young men we have now is like finding a needle in a hay stack. Make do with what you have or stay single.

      Good luck!๐Ÿคž

      Delete
    4. Ebony Oge I love how to lined it up..So full of wisdom

      Delete
    5. What about u? Are you physically and mentally attracted to him? Find out...

      Delete
    6. Anon 17:03, so these men she mentioned are rounded, huh???
      Abeg don't pin your insecurities at her..
      That girl never find husband. Simple!!

      Delete
    7. Johhny walker...keep looking kwanu ooo...

      Delete
    8. Her English is too big for me

      Delete
    9. 23:06 go back to school (part-time) or start reading good books.

      I'm absolutely impressed by her written English - the best in all the chronicles I've read on this blog so far.

      Most young graduates in Nigeria and some older ones speak and write poorly.

      Delete
    10. Ebony Oge, you are a very wise lady.
      More grace to you.
      I learnt a lot from your comment. Thank you.

      Delete
  2. You have a lot of growing up to do

    ReplyDelete
  3. I don't like the fact that you turned down mouth-watering jobs for his convictions. I don't know but that particular statement rubbed me off a certain type of way.
    May God help you to make the right decisions.๐Ÿ™

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They no dey ever learn. Focusing on marriage immediately after year. Me that was trekking from one outsourcing firm to another with friend in search of a job, the same month we passed out. I'm married but I keep asking myself what's in this marriage that a lot of women get carried away by it. Young lady, get something doing first and don't turn down any job because of marriage. I am really tired of advising some of you ladies.

      Delete
    2. Felt the same way

      Delete
    3. 3Amigos Bread @ 6 Okesalu St, Ikotun. 0813851632823 September 2020 at 15:47

      You echoed my thoughts @ Sabella.

      Honestly, I don’t think any of the guys is for you but then again God knows the best for you so keep asking God for His guidance.

      Delete
    4. Thank you dear Isabella. Joor. You really sabi well well. Turned down life changing jobs for marriage that that you don't know how it will turn out? Lol hahaha but ask yourself if he will take same decision as you did as regards the job offers. I think you should still pray for divine direction first.

      Delete
    5. Haha@ 15:31, it is so that a box can be ticked, so they don’t age and get left behind, so they will birth early, so they will... and the list goes on.
      Misplaced priorities, parents should do better.

      Delete
    6. Sabella you are not the only one. Poster, do yourself a favour, wise up and realise that marriage is not the end of the world.

      Well, just know you are the one limiting yourself, confusing yourself and feeling special in some way cos I do not see the essence of writing about the first 3 men in the first place.

      As for the 4th one, am I to believe you didn't tell God about your virginity or celibacy? Even if you didn't, you know that it is troubling you that he pressurizes you for sex that you don't want and you have no feelings for him but you choose to remain there and turn down mouth watering job offers based on his convictions.

      See remove marriage from your mind first and pray for guidiance.

      Ada.

      Delete
    7. Sabella, Sabella you need to win the award of the most insightful comments on this blog! ๐ŸŽ–️๐Ÿ†

      Delete
  4. Personally, my opinion o. I don't think you should get married to this person. You have over spiritualized this thing. You are forgetting that attraction also matters.
    God is supreme, he guides us to make good Choices but a lot of the physical work lies in our hands.
    If there is no attraction now, do you think it will come later? I doubt it.
    I feel you have set a time, period and standard on yourself and you are enforcing God's will based on fleeces or signs as a measure of God's approval.

    Please be patient confirm and reconfirm before you sign the marriage certificate.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exacy. The importance of physical attraction and sexual desirability cannot be over-emphasized. You need to be physically and sexually attracted to your spouse.

      Also, Simply because you prayed and four men came all at once doesn't mean God sent them or they are right for you. It could be coincidental. Sometimes the reply to your prayers aren't always sudden even though God has answered you since eons.

      Delete
    2. @Sabella, some times, it’s more dangerous than coincidence, could be a distraction from the evil one.

      Delete
    3. I love your second paragraph@ Isabella.

      Delete
    4. When she said she prayed and four men came at once, I just knew that something is wrong. Sometimes, we receive counterfeits thinking it’s the real thing. There was a time i prayed like that and I can’t count the number of men that came that period. I was so convinced that it would be one of them but whosai!!! It was none of them.
      Poster, take your time and don’t rush this thing. Most young women have numerous suitors at some point, it doesn’t mean that their husband is among those suitors.
      Read Ebony Oges comment up there and pick one or two things

      Delete
  5. Stella your advice is so funny. ๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…
    please give it time,time will give answer to your concern about the 4th guy,look till you're sure enough of settling down with him.

    ReplyDelete
  6. This story here is all to familiar, this is a recurrent pattern in the stories of a lot of women who found themselves in a "religiously , abusive and suppressive marriage". You are already turning down lucrative jobs based o his conviction and not yours. Hmnnnnn it is well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Another one that hit the erogenous zone. ๐Ÿ‘

      Delete
    2. Exactly @foodie!!
      Seriously that comment left a bitter test in my mouth..
      inukwa turn down mouth watering jobs!!! You don't even do such for a husband, let alone this.....

      @ poster, your desperation reeks to heaven!! You will learn dear!! You will learn..

      Delete
  7. You sound so desperate to marry I stopped at you saying " I don't think there is a better man out there for me"... See you see more chronicles loading ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ๐Ÿƒ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Poster, you need to add value to yourself, start earning money first before talking about marriage. Goodluck

      Delete
  8. You have the answer. What is God saying to you about this 4th guy? What are your convictions about him? What about his values? Do they align with yours? You seems to have gone far in this relationship and you are still having doubts. A man will not tick all the boxes 100% for the qualities you desire but at least 70-80 is okay. The answer to my questions above will help you. All the best.

    ReplyDelete
  9. "I am one hundred percent ready to support him financially as he is not very buoyant and he is very supportive towards my career and well-being. Though, I have turned down mouth-watering jobs outside our place of abode so as to focus on the relationship due to his conviction."

    Ya a FUUUUU for this ๐Ÿ‘†

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahahahaha kai you for give her five gbosa for face

      Delete
    2. Hahahaha..BVs do ya thing. Serve her hot

      Delete
    3. Lol.. d girl's so immature!

      Delete
    4. No cap ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

      Delete
  10. May God direct you so has you could make the right choice in choosing a life partner.

    ReplyDelete
  11. You are anxious and find it hard to take decisions. I can relate cos I had same fears. What did I do, I just trusted God and took the leap.

    My only worry is why you dont have a mental connection. There should be a connection , be it physical, spiritual, mental. Cos you should marry your friend.
    Then why rejecting juicy job offers. If he isnt buoyant, you will need the money. Unless you are really rich.
    My husband was a teacher and had to relocate to join me as I was doing better. He started with small biz here and 2 years later, he was able to secure a great job.

    ReplyDelete
  12. If you don't admire, respect a man, or not attracted to him in any way, don't marry him. Don't marry out of pity. But, on the other hand, if want to live long, age well, and glow radiantly, hold on to a dude that will give you peace. Don't let him go. If you have peace in marriage, you have almost everything. You don't seem to love any of these guys, let them go. Your man will come.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Lol... you’re turning down jobs so that you can marry?

    Your eye go soon clear don’t worry. Yeye small girl!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I don't think mentally you are ready for this marriage. Weigh the options again my dear. Marriage plans cant be going on with such mindset. I will say take your time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster! Poster!! Poster!!! Please forget about marriage for now..You just finished NYSC and all you think of is marriage..How about getting job and discovering yourself? Enjoy your singlehood, get to know God better...See Marriage is deep oh and a broken engagement is better than a broken marriage...You must be physically attracted to a man before you move to the spiritual it is when you dwell on the physical only then there is a problem

      You turning down jobs does not make you a heroine but very counter - productive and very unwise..For how long to do want to financially support him? Do you know how frustrating it is? If you tell that man the amount of sacrifice you took he will spate you..Because you are a Jesus girl doesn't mean you have folly thoughts and behaving like a child..Jay Z said this is a HARD KNOCK LIFE...Be realistic..You need a renewal of the mind..All the best...

      Delete
  15. God will not send you a husband that will pressure you for premarital sex!!! (Foundation for adultery)

    Iron sharpeneth iron he is supposed to be the spiritual head when you get married how will he do that if he is not that spiritually strong?

    God is not saying anything yet but your desires and will is beclouding you

    My dear wait on him let go and let God!!!

    What is the rush you are in such a Good place..

    You have a relationship with God and heading somewhere career wise..


    just immerse yourself in service to God and your husband will FIND you in your place of service and believe me when he does you will know their will be no confusion.

    ReplyDelete
  16. My fren...gaan get a job FIRST. He isn't buoyant, you want to support, yet you are turning down mouth watering offers. Good jobs are scarce o and you would NEED one in marriage.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Left to me, you never see husband o. This one you're marrying should at least tick some boxes, he's not even godly, not financially stable, doesn't study/research...NO WAY. He should at least possess some of the qualities you don't consider deal breakers. These pastors and parents won't live with this man o. Please take those mouthwatering offers if you don't want to sell okpa for a living.

    ReplyDelete
  18. You are the one putting on the shoe, sift through the pieces of advice in the comments and apply the one that directly ministers to you.

    It is well.

    All the best ๐Ÿ‘

    ReplyDelete
  19. ‘ Prior to rounding off my service year, I had prayed to God for a life partner and I was very specific about the qualities I desire’

    God can answer your prayers anytime, what you haven’t touched on is why you are sure He has answered your prayers NOW. You are ignoring salient issues.
    - I don’t think you should thwart your career path, a career that hasn’t started yet (I think). If he isn’t that buoyant, why isn’t he open to moving to where the mouth watering job is?
    - why the rush? I mean the timeline is not clear, but if you are sending this now, I assume this may be some months after your proposal, which happened 2 months after you met him. Why the rush, especially as you are not so convinced he is the one for you? You have limited your options for no good reason.
    - why are you interested in shielding him from bad information online? You don’t trust his character well enough to be able to push him to be less laid back and get access to more information that could make him a better version of himself. For how long do you think you can be a mother hen?
    I really think you are rushing into marriage. I don’t know your age, but age aside, you seem to belong to the school of thought that believes a man should be locked down during or just after school. That is a backward mindset we should rid ourselves of.

    Just in case you are in doubt, you can get a man, of your standard and specifications as a working class lady; and even if you want this guy, a little patience on his part will not hurt. Don’t make this over-flogged mistake.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Poster wants close to perfection.
    If your mind no carry you marry this man then leave am begin find another man.

    ReplyDelete
  21. The important thing about marriage is peace of mind. Marry him if he gives you peace

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster, writing from a place of years of experience pls take this money career etc without peace of mind is living in hell. I don't want to say more

      Delete
    2. Abeg if money no dey peace go shake

      Delete
  22. Poster.. Breathe first! Breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    You never see husband o

    ReplyDelete
  23. Poster stop o, You turned down mouth watering jobs for someone you don’t even have feelings for “YET”... it’s making me think you are desperate to marry.
    I’m sorry but that all I see from your narrative and it hurts ๐Ÿ˜ฉ

    ReplyDelete
  24. When I saw "I am not physically or mentally attracted to him YET", I lost interest.

    You think physical and mental attraction are not important? They are VERY important. You think it's only spiritual things? Jacob, a God fearing man was in love with Rachel even when he was trucked into marrying Leah. Despite the fact that Leah bore him sons and Rachel didn't have for years, his love for Rachel didn't diminish. Forget all these "his pastors said" bla bla bla things. Do not understand estimate physical and mental attraction.

    Also, you claim you want a God fearing person but this person you're planning to get married to is pressuring you for sex. Seriously, how do you define a God fearing man? Will a God fearing man be pressuring you for sex?

    I think you have a timetable in mind that's why you want to get married. You've probably prayed to God that you want to be married by 202x, hence you're seeing this man as God sent but let me tell you what I'm deducing from your story: He's not the one. If you were absolutely sure, you won't be sending this chronicle.

    ReplyDelete
  25. Don't marry if there is connection o. My sister, marriage opens the eyes.

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster my hubby wasnt my spec and also not bouyant when i met him, but he gave and still gives me peace of mind. i had to open my mind to loving him and accepting him for all he is just like he accepted me and today am madly in love with him, i have never regretted getting married to him. so my advice open up your heart and love the poor dude.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Poster I am the anon above that wrote about peace, if you have peace every other thing is a work over. People who marry dwarfs, very old men etc are never physically attracted most of the time. Choose what matters, and that's peace. If it was about attraction, divorce rates would be low hmmmm. I can't say more

      Delete
  27. Poster about that man that gave u inner peace, do personal prayer on him to God. Ask God the right questions concerning him. I know God move with peace for his ways are not ours so his thought! Pray about the 4th guy again.

    ReplyDelete
  28. Let's just say that the very week you "prayed to God..." for a life partner,
    devils were eavesdropping and they quickly packaged 4 of their men and sent to
    you. You are a Christian and Jesus is your Lord and Savior and you are considering
    marrying a dude that is already "pressuring you to fornicate?"
    Are you kidding me right now?
    Wow!
    Let me tell you what happened to a close family friend (her obituary is still on facebook)
    She finished serving, got saved, filled with the Holy Spirit and was zealous for the Lord Jesus.
    But she was frantically looking for both job and husband.
    A very rich dude (very, very rich), showed up and offered her both marriage and job and within
    2 months, she got married to him and was working and pregnant at same time; how sweet, right?
    8 months into her pregnancy, baby died in the womb (no known cause) and when the doctors attempted to evacuate
    her womb, she died too. ๐Ÿ˜ข๐Ÿ˜ข
    It is now her family members (who pressured her to marry this man) and was enjoying, the riches
    realized that the man was a cultist with ??? source of wealth and used both her and the baby to
    make sacrifice to boost his wealth (not kidding at all o)
    You know what? We have to receive the promises of God through "faith and patience..."Heb. 6:12
    And whoever you join yourself to, remember that the two are one (1 Cor. 6:16-18), he can use you for anything...
    better discard all and wait on God patiently
    ๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️๐Ÿคฆ๐Ÿป‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  29. He's convinced you are the one for him. Are you convinced he's the one for you?
    I don't even see any compatibility between you both. Moreso, you should not be having this uneasiness months to your wedding. Peace of mind matters a lot. The ball is in your court. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  30. You've turned down mouth watering jobs just because of a man???๐Ÿ˜ฎ๐Ÿ˜ณ why are some women like this?

    ReplyDelete
  31. You have a lot to learn about spirituality and prayer. The devil hears our prayers and also acts on them. Because four men approached you after you prayed, you erroneously assumed one is an answer to your prayers. Now you’re doing tumba tumba elimination for the one with the least issues.

    If you were truly convinced in your heart, this chronicle won’t be written. The mere fact you’re writing to us shows very clearly that you haven’t found your husband yet. You need to continue your prayers earnestly for divine guidance and clarity.

    Young lady, you really need to focus on developing yourself spiritually, emotionally, INTELLECTUALLY, FINANCIALLY and everything will fall in place in accordance with the will of God Almighty.

    What you’ve written up there is a recipe for frustration, bitterness, regret and stagnation. Remember that it is not how fast but how well. Continue praying. I don’t think you’ve found your husband yet.

    ReplyDelete
  32. You turned down mouth watering jobs for someone you have no connection with? And you still want to support him financially? Support him with what? This is a serious pick me up situation. You are unfortunately desperate. When many of us were serving we had up to 6 to 10 suitors but we ended up with another. It is normal to have high amounts of suitors during nysc year. I am sure that if a mad man was toasting you, you would have added him to the list. As per answered prayers. If you were my younger sister we for fight today ☻

    ReplyDelete
  33. LMAO at your two last sentences Stella๐Ÿ˜๐Ÿ˜,close eye marry am as per na chloroquine she dey swallow๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜

    ReplyDelete
  34. Sis you’re playing yourself. Flip the scrip will he turn down mouth watering jobs for you????? Secure your bag sis men are NOT loyal only God gives the right life partner with patience He will do it. Stop running faster than your shadow sis

    If you're desperate to get married and marriage is an achievement for you then just say that!!!

    Don’t play with me!

    ReplyDelete
  35. God has not failed you yet yet you come to man for solution.. If you truly seek his face then wait for him to speak how he does to you. Men will only advice you based on the physical. More so four men coming does not mean God.

    ReplyDelete
  36. What is wrong with you?

    Pressuring for sex is already a good bye sign

    As a committed Christian

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bible said flee... you're there planning wedding. The moment after marriage the sex is new and exciting, after a while he loses interest. That's when you will know if he truly loves you

      Delete
  37. Nawa. This marriage thing ,not easy atall .

    So after all these calculations, taking risks ,cracking your brain and praying for who to choose,some people will marry just for 2months and come out.i said nawa o again.

    Poster I wish you Goodluck.

    ReplyDelete

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