Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Lady Rants About How The Igbo Culture Treats First Born Who Are Ladies + Says The Tradition Is Sick..

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Sunday, October 25, 2020

Lady Rants About How The Igbo Culture Treats First Born Who Are Ladies + Says The Tradition Is Sick..

As first child to an Igbo man that passed on,she set out to bury her Father and the drama started right from the Morgue..She was told she had no right to take him there...This story will shock you...

She says ''Before you marry Igbo men, learn about their cultures, once you marry traditionally you cannot escape them''.













DISCRIMINATION, OPPRESSION, SUPPRESSION OF WOMEN IS AN INTRICATE PART OF IGBO CULTURE.


I said what I said, I meant what I said.
If you don’t like it, come my beat me in my house, my tears have finished, I will not cry. Woman walking


If you’re Igbo I know you’ll understand.
Today was not the first time they forced their way into our house.


Today is just the day they broke me, because if I continued to keep it all in I don’t know what would have happened.

I really hope there’s a God, and he’s listening.

My dad never believed his family hated us, he always tried to unite us.

But we always felt the hate, out of 7 sons he was the only one with biological children, 2 girls and a boy. It did not sit right with them and all our lives we’ve had to deal with the utter dislike.

I feel a fool.

Before you marry Igbo men, learn about their cultures, once you marry traditionally you cannot escape them.

If you have daughters,I honestly don’t know what to tell you, because lawyers or the police can’t really save them.You have to, make sure you save them


They just used me for the parts they could not do.
Pretended, made me believe they actually wanted a “peaceful burial”
Convinced me to drop legal action, to come back home, to carry his picture around the village and to go ahead with the burial in spite of the police situation.


The heart of man is truly wicked, who can know it?

Worst part of all of this is they fooled me. They apologized and they begged my mum in the presence of the DPO and Rev. Father and we foolishly forgave them.
I let them fool me into releasing the corpse.


For two months I haven’t been able to talk about my dad’s death or grieve because I’ve been busy fighting or quarreling or going for village meetings because of little things that should not matter.


Because girls like me should not have opinions about things like this.


Because why would someone with a vagina hold the mortuary tally.


Because after my dad’s brothers abandoned his corpse and left it lying there in my living room I took him to the mortuary.


Because his wife and children should not have a say when it comes to burial plans or where He is to be buried.


After my recent experiences, I almost wish I wasn’t a woman. Because now my mum, my siblings and my late dad are suffering because of it. Previously, people have asked me why I hate Igbo culture and people, this is why, people who constantly make you feel..

I don’t have words anymore.. Igbo tradition is sick. Being from the same bloodline does not make you family. And all you see in Igbo movies are true, in fact it’s worse actually. I take solace in the fact that that’s not really my dad, just his earthly home/host.


Imagine refusing to bury my father on his own piece of land. Because it’s a virgin land, against his wishes, against his wife and children’s wishes. Imagine the effrontery! Telling people how to use their own property. Hijacking a man’s burial to preserve land that’s not yours


Hopefully the end of this thread. In 2020. I’m actually fine, I promise''.


 





84 comments:

  1. Of course the tradition is sick but instead of my brothers and sisters to address the real issues we have, they will rather defend it. I've been insulted many times on this blog for saying it as it is. I don't believe because I'm Igbo, I should defend glaring injustices in the name of tradition.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. πŸ‘πŸ‘ to you for standing firm on the bitter truth without being sentimental or minding whose ox is gored

      Delete
    2. It's worse when you see young generation defending or threatening you with it as if it's a good thing.

      We should start with abolishing the marriage rites. It demeans the woman. Women are not allowed in the negotiations and what transpires will have to be related to you by a snitch who was in attendance. Imagine the man I gisted you guys I almost married came to the backyard to meet my mom and I to lend him N150k to fix his car that developed fault on their way. I transferred 100k to him while my mom gave him 50k cash. It was latter we learned that 150k was what umunna made him pay but as my father refused to release me to him that very day, he came to get it back from we ignorant women. Chai! Can I ever finish telling the story of that man I almost married?
      All these promoters of "let him pay your bride price", I don't care in what form it is presented in your bible but it should be abolished. That is where the root of all these disrespect and discrimination against women lies. Imagine price being fixed, negotiated and paid in your absence like a slave.

      My extended family are nice and our large family are united but same cannot be said about most families I know and how they relegate the femal child to the bottom.

      Delete
    3. Oh pls, cry me a river. Igbo this, Igbo that. If u don't like Igbo, abeg go marry fulani or any other tribe. I'm sure their cultures are wonderful.
      Instead of blaming your family and relatives, ur here hating on the Igbo. I'm an only child and a female, when my father died, my relatives all came together and gave him a befitting burial and we had no issues.
      Your rants says more about you and your family. Igbos are not your problem, maybe, u should look within u for the source of ur misery. Good luck with those other wonderful tribes.

      Delete
    4. Im ibo but my mother is yoruba and what we suffered when my father died is unimaginable. He died when i was 5 and all i remember is being bathe with a funny smelling cold water smelling of disinfectant. Later wen i was older got to know its the water they used in washing his dead body.
      Pls is dis part of culture? If i was older would have rejected it.

      Delete
    5. WoW, sorry about what you guys experienced but how could your mum let them subject you guys to such. I have heard of the widow being subjected to bathing or drinking the corpse water BUT I heard it’s when the widow is a suspect because the man died unnatural death. Another reason such is meted out is when you have evil and devilish in laws who have eyes for the properties left behind by the man. Hope your mum is doing well !

      Delete
    6. Poster sorry jΓ re

      Delete
    7. Liars every where! Please that Yoruba girl claiming Igbo father, nobody does that in Igbo land! My father died in 2009 and nobody gave us his water to drink nor bathe us with his corpse water. Today is sunday, make una fear God oh! Every day Igbo this, Igbo that. If you have problems with your family members instead of you to settle it, you run to social media and start insulting the whole of Igbo tribe! All these things you narrated up there, I did not experience when my father died. No uncle nor anybody told us where to bury my father, it was my brother because he's the first child that showed them the place. I have seen in Igbo land where women are the ones at the helm of affairs, they call the shots! Go to Arondizuogu and many parts of Igbo land you see women controlling things and men are at their beck and call. All these behaviors you talk about depends on the family where you come from. Your family is a bad family and simply say your father has bad siblings PERIOD!! I have never seen any tribe where their men treat their women better than Igbo men.We respect our women and children and take care of them. Ozo CHukwu of BBN season 5 is a typical example of how our men treat us if they love us.

      Delete
    8. Please anon 18:34 if you did not experience it, good for you but please allow others tell their story.

      I'm Igbo and I did a project research on widowhood practices in my community, for a school project. The things I discovered were hair-raising, to say the least.

      Good thing is that a lot of these practices are being abolished gradually, but some communities are not as advanced as others.

      The prsctice in parts of Imo, may vary from that of Ebonyi, Anambra or Abia. You can't speak for all of them. Rather, we should join hands to abolish what needs to be abolished. Not until we're directly hit.

      Delete
    9. @anon 19:57 you know the practices vary and you still encourage her to generalize. People should try and address their wicked uncles and family members and not call out a whole tribe on social media for sympathy and validation. There are no tribes where you don’t have wicked and greedy uncles. That’s why churches like MFM and NSPPD exist. These churches are not existing for Igbo cultures alone! Please these things depend on families abeg. If you come from a wicked family better enter church, social media will not help you. I don talk my own finish. Igbo this Igbo that on social media will not solve your problem God will.

      Delete
    10. How one is treated depends on the extended family/kinsmen. When my dad died, some wanted to be stubborn but my mum was equal to the task. She dealt with them with sense and coupled with the fact that they fear her, all man calmed down and maintained.

      Delete
    11. @anon 21:04. The practices are there, that is why wicked and greedy families can make use of them. If they are totally abolished like they should be, anybody that uses them will be criminalized.

      Let's learn to fight our battles with the general good in mind, not just personalise things. It may not affect you today, but you do not know which community your sister or daughter may end up on, by virtue of marriage.
      Stay blessed.

      Delete
  2. Well I don’t think what your family went through, have anything to do with tradition, judging from your narration.You just happen to have bad relatives and you listened to them. My opinion

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are so right.its all about the kind of family she's from.im igbo,I've never seen the above scenario play out in my entire life.why is she so dependent on her relatives.abeg,girl do your thing.

      Delete
    2. Thank you for this,this is not defending my tribe or anything like that, this has never happened in my family your relatives are just bad thats all

      Delete
    3. @ Mega Fresh, bad relatives are there but people like us that avoid those relatives and villagers are being abused all the time. Say the truth, we Igbos need to get with the times, some cultures, especially male/ female child superiority, expensive wedding, expensive burial, wicked and inhuman burial rites should be done away with.

      Delete
    4. @ Anonymous 15:22, I still insist that it boils down to the family. Expenditures of any occasion boils down to the celebrant. In every community, even the struggling ones still get married, still do burials etc
      Any change begins with you,family and others. For they ones that come for trouble, the right authorities are out there for them

      Delete
    5. @ Mega Fresh, it's all about the immediate family and the kins men....

      Although, there are some traditions in igboland that really need to be totally wiped out...

      Delete
  3. Ignore the greedy grabber and bury your dad. Secure his property and refrain from any dealings with them

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank God for close knitted siblings. We can’t even allow you to try us ‼️

      Delete
  4. 😲😲😲 This is totally sick and some absolute wickedness no cap.This portends backwardness to say the least and it's such a shame

    ReplyDelete
  5. When will Nigeria abolish the culture of burying people at home and simply bury them in a cemetery, we created this problems ourselves, celebrating and partying over the dead more than the living. Someone dies, go and pay for space and bury him in the cemetery of the city where he died, shun unnecessary expenses, trauma and traveling , stressing people up and down πŸ™„

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish I can like this comment a million times. We need to embrace the facts that the dead is gone and doesn't care where you bury them.

      Delete
    2. A million likes for this comment πŸ‘πŸ‘πŸ‘.
      The dead just don't care. Dust to dust, Ash to Ash..
      Location doesn't matter.
      Argue all you want traditionalists... πŸ—£️πŸ—£️

      Delete
    3. I actually agree with this but dare mention this among your Igbo friends and they willl almost lay curses on you, many hungry and struggling relatives all over the place but burial is where we show wealth display of who has the most money...smh...

      Delete
    4. Anon 12:28, you're right....

      Delete
  6. It's really painful. That is why you see a lot of men trying to get sons by all means. It's even worse in Igbo land.

    ReplyDelete
  7. This is not Igbo tradition. Your wicked uncles used tradition to lie to you.


    But you see umunna and umuada, these two groups should be dissolved.
    Umunna lie and conspire a lot.
    Umuada own is wickedness.
    Igbo traditions need to be reformed.


    Poster sorry for your loss.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Chike, your second paragraph is so true.

      Delete
    2. Tradition is for the poor...

      Delete
    3. Nobody gave me issues when we buried my mum . Will i even listen to you? Rubbish πŸ™„πŸ˜

      Delete
    4. The Umuadas are another set of wicked beings that needs to be dissolved fast...

      They won't contribute a dime but will be making outrageous demands....

      Delete
    5. Very true Chike.
      We saw hell when we buried my mother last month.The list we were given ehn? I had to ask if we were coming to marry the woman afresh.

      These things need to be abolished in Igbolabd.

      Delete
  8. I believe her and this is worse when you have greedy,pretending, covetous, terrible relatives.

    The best thing any igbo man can do is to lay down the rules, write a will, and make them understand the stausquo before you die.
    Especially when you have mostly daughters as the first set of children.

    Igbo tradition is really appalling when it to this aspect.

    ReplyDelete
  9. My own case is i foot bills at home and buys stuff for my dad but one day my dad rejects all the things i bought for him, saying he is not intreasted in material things from me. The only sin i have committed againstbthis man is not to give him cash at hand! Even in the days of unpaid salaries due to civil i became a topic of the day. Am done being neglected and taken forgranted,battered. Yes my younger brothwrs beat me at will when i satand up to speak and my father turn a blind eye. God please dont allow the devil to plant evil in my heart cox i have had enough

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your younger brothers beat you?

      Are you for real?

      And you are still living with them footing the bills?

      Don't tell me 'yes' pls and pls

      You should move out and ignore them all. Let them take care of themselves. You have to make them know your worth. Leave them pls.

      Delete
  10. She is right and it's worse when the son is still young. Just make sure you cover yourself and your family with prayers, always stand up for what is right and God himself will fight your battles.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Candy lady,
      Please, that is not Igbo tradition. Her uncles are wicked. Simple

      Delete
  11. My dear,kindly specify your part of igbo land.this story here isn't for everyone.i attended an uncle's burial 2weeks ago.his eldest child,a female was in charge.she chose the burial site.she insisted her dad wasn't going to lie in state for people to see.Her wishes were granted.i just wonder how your uncles had so much say in this 21st century.with this kind of relatives,you for carry mopol full everywhere.for me this story doesn't really add up

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Speak for your own situation only too

      Delete
    2. How many burials have you gone for in Igbo land? My dear, the more you go, the more you see.

      I once attended a burial of a medical doctor(female) where there was serious fight between the woman's family and her husband's family due to such practices.

      Till we buried my mother, I didn't know of some, too.

      Delete
  12. Is atheism and cynicism also part of "Igbo culture?" What do you mean by "if there is a God...?"
    You the writer is the only problem I see in what you've written here. And yes, I am an Igbo woman.
    πŸ™„πŸ™„

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Onu kanda
      Insensitive prick

      Even in scripture when Job was going through turmoil people around him encouraged him to 'curse" God and die.

      It obviously is not right but people react this way when in pain they are just being human.

      Onu kanda learn some sensitivity

      Delete
    2. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣
      Onu kanda!🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
    3. I don't even see how "job's cursing god and dying" relates to what is being discussed here. Are you short of ideas?

      Delete
    4. You 18.53 are short of comprehension. Learn to read comments replies to the comments assimilate and carefully comprehend

      Have a fabulous new week.

      Delete
    5. Anon 18:53. You lack more than comprehensive skills. Onu kanada plus Obi okwute. You're emotionally unintelligent.
      Announcing that you're a woman. Ka anyi mezia gini?
      Of course you're a woman. Always ready to bring other women down at every opportunity.

      Allow a grieving woman to vent abeg.

      Delete
  13. pls any igbo person here should come defend their culture with honesty and without bias. I am plannin to marry igbo man after getting fed up with and turned off by the ways of yoruba men. Let me know what I may be signing up for abeg

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Investigate the family
      Before you proceed

      If they are needy..grabby and have a heavy sense of entitlement garnished with poverty mentality......

      ABORT MISSION

      I REPEAT ABORT MISSION

      Delete
    2. Where i come from, it's not so..Her wicked and heartless uncle should be hold responsible for whatever the poster is passing thru..

      Delete
    3. Anon 13:30
      Igbos are good people.
      What the poster wrote is not Igbo tradition. It is wickedness that made her uncles to use non existing tradition to lie to her.
      The wicked uncles must have bribed the umunna and those ones won't tell the lady the truth again.

      I will advise, before you marry him, make sure that there is peace in his family.

      Delete
    4. thanks guys for the responses. I don't pray for my husband to die but part of the fear most yoruba parents have against marrying their daughter to igbo men is all these stories you hear or what you see in films about how the wives see shege when the man dies. Yet i find myself drawn to igbo men more than my own tribe. God has a way of making things suit him so if he is making me inclined to that tribe there must be good reason. I will definitely take your advice in studying the fam and being prayerful as well. thanks again.

      Delete
    5. If he dies and the people are misbehaving bury him in a cemetery end of story

      Delete
    6. Please my dear, investigate thoruoghly. These practices vary in different parts of Igboland, depending on the level of exposure, education, poverty level, etc.

      Investigate thoroughly.

      Delete
  14. I'm sorry but poster is from a wicked family...this is very very far from igbo tradition....the first 3 children of my parents are girls before the boys.
    When my daddy passed, my siblings and I buried him as he would have desired. Nobody gave us trouble.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As in..... I wonder her own side of igbo o.....

      Delete
    2. She is part of the people that claim to be Igbo's but will not travel home to mingle with their relatives.
      I know of a woman that have been married for 15years, and the hubby died.
      She doesn't visit the villa, nor her mother in-law. She was so insensitive to her Hubby's family. The man died, and her travails began. The man was so rich that his family members were in total control of his wealth with his friend who is his biz Associate.
      The woman in person came home for the burial on Thursday for her husband's burial without his two kids. If you see what Umuada did to her, and the unfortunate thing, they were asking her about her fellow nwunyedi, but she couldn't identify them. Tomorrow, she will be telling her kids that they are wicked while she used her hand to herself aside.
      My brother's wife have never visited our villa for 8yrs of their marriage. She is behaving like we are not her class. Tomorrow, God forbid! If something happens, and we dictate how we will handle our brother with our family, she will will be shouting.
      The lady and her mother doesn't travel home, and they don't know most of the things involved.

      Igbo's are not wicked except some personified idiots.
      If you are married to a family, try and carry them along, don't come and be forming for them. If your hubby is Rich, use it as a privilege to control them and see them, bowing at your feet. Everything is wisdom.
      Even, when you don't like them, don't show it, rather use Wisdom in public, and front your hubby as the bad person.
      Igbo's can easily forgive their brothers but not their wife, as they see her like a stranger.

      I move

      Delete
    3. Exactly, it's from her family. Its not a general issue although they have some annoying tradition that needs to be abolished fast...

      Delete
    4. Amy Nwa,
      Honestly speaking, what you wrote is the definition of wickedness, umunna and the umuada I talked about.
      Since the family don't like her, why did they not leave her to bury her husband the way she like. It is not by force to attend the burial.
      Why will her husband's umunna and umuada mask wickedness with their forged tradition to wicked the woman, just to pay her back for not associating with them.

      Tomorrow, that woman will be condemning the Igbo tradition the way this poster did and it will be bring bad name to my good Igbo family.

      Please I beg you, if you people can't confront your brother's wife now, leave her and her family to do things there way.




      The main family one need to put 1st is your parents, kids and spouse. Any other family member is 2nd option.
      Do your parents care about their siblings more than you people, their children? I guess no.

      Please live and let others live their own life.

      Don't exaggerate tradition just to wicked your kinsman. It is evil, maka ani etigbuo gi.

      Delete
    5. Haaaaha Amy nwa

      You are a mean soul

      Watch ut

      Delete
    6. @ Amy Nwa, this is exactly what we are talking about. Pray tell, will your brother’s wife start joining body with his relatives without her husband’s consent? Why not tell your brother that you guys want to have a closer relationship with his family, his wife inclusive?

      You have already likened her to the person in story and you are waiting for an opportunity to unleash the bitterness and envy(Yes, I believe that is what it is) on her for forgetting that it is your brother that is meant to set the pace for her in terms of in-law relationship.

      I am an Igbo lady and I actually support people buying space in any cemetery and burying their loved ones. Anybody that wasn’t instrumental in my everyday life shouldn’t hold my immediate family to ransome at my death.

      Delete
    7. @amynwa, What a wicked soul!!! You're wishing for your own brother's death so you can see his wife go thru misfortune. You're an evil person.

      I wish your brother sees you for what you are. Tufiakwa!!!

      Delete
    8. She was not involved with you people abi that means on the mans death you people should also give her space. Do the barest minimum only what she wants it does not mean you will come and chook hand to control the entire thing. If you were not ther in his lufe why should you be there in his death? Meanwhile I have herd many cases where relatives grovel 247 when the man is live abs collect miney only to be heartless on his death.

      Delete
    9. Amy nwa you are displaying that wickedness we are fighting against.
      You and your family are the types that give we Igbos a bad name.

      See you waiting like a vulture to "humble" a fellow woman. That is meanness personified.

      Tufiakwa!

      Delete
  15. God pls help me o and guide my steps. me that I plan to marry igbo. I can't go back to dating yoruba men lai lai. my experience with them has not been so good and yet to find one I am compatible with. not familiar with other tribes

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. poster, have you ever thought that the problem is not tribe that makes a person bad, but the person's character? man looks on the outward appearance God looks at the heart. ask God to give you wisdom and help you to meet and choose a person of good character irrespective of tribe.

      Delete
  16. Nne speak for yourself. Never had this issue at all. It's your family that's the problem and not Igbo as a whole. Yes there are some weird and very backward traditions but depending on the family and when I mean family, the EDUCATED ones, it will never be a problem.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Igbo, Igbo everywhere, Lagos was attacked, Igbo, Rivers was attacked , Igbo. Now this woman will not reconcile with her 'umunna' to bury her father, Igbo. I married an Urhobo man and the man died, all their wickedness to me ,I bore with faith in God. Imagine comparing Igbo tradition with Yoruba's or Hausa's. When you lost someone in Igboland , you have to come down from your high horse and do their bidding. Tradition has nothing to do with academics.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oya turn your cheek...collect hot slap...tawayiiii

      Delete
    2. Collect a second slap!

      With all your education, this is what you can vomit?

      No wonder the country refuses to get better.

      I am a proud "Ada Igbo" but evil should never be celebrated.

      Delete
  18. My dear your extended family are not good people.

    It has nothing to do with being Ìgbo, It is not our culture to showcase wickedness, but hey life happens.

    I have lost and buried my father, and none of these things you started happened, though the umunna wanted things to be done in a certain way, they presented it to my mom, she didn't agree and immediately, they didn't go on with it.

    No culture is perfect just like nobody is perfect.

    ReplyDelete
  19. @Poster your part of Igbo definitely don't share the same kind of tradition with my side. All you put up there is more of family fued not Igbo tradition.
    And pls do not generalise the Igbo culture because there is no one way of doing things in all the Igbo lands,to each their own. Unfortunately yours seems 'F'
    In all that you wrote, your issues are with your uncles not Igbo tradition!!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Chains of tradition resist reform

    ReplyDelete
  21. I wished you said your Relatives instead of generalizing it,sorry for what your relatives did to you guys though

    ReplyDelete
  22. Nwanyibuife in my part of igbo..
    We value our ladies the way we value our menπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ✌

    ReplyDelete
  23. Dear poster, accept my condolences on your father's death

    I don't know the part of Igbo you came from. I am full blooded Anambra with full knowledge of A_Z about our culture. My husband is from Imo and I also have witnessed mother inlaw burial and others as well. What you wrote up there is weird to meπŸ™ƒ yes very weird

    In summary, your father's brothers hate him so much and as well as taking it out on you guys

    Don't come here and talk about/generalise a personal issues as real...you are spreading a misleading information

    What you wrote up there is not Igbo biko! Take it or leave it

    In my nine lives, I will be Igbo and still igbo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It doesn’t happen in your area doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen, read Any Nwa’ s comment, that’s the typical mindset of umuada. I can forgive my brother but not the wife as she is a stranger, as if the wife is expected to do things with her in-laws behind his back.

      I support common burials, buy space in cemetery in the town you live in and bury your loved ones. It is the legacy you leave behind that matters not the dead body.

      Delete
  24. I too am Igbo. Your narration does not depicts the Igbo culture but the wickedness of the wicked...your extended family. Period!

    ReplyDelete
  25. I too am Igbo. Your narration does not depicts the Igbo culture but the wickedness of the wicked...your extended family. Period!

    ReplyDelete
  26. I am Igbo it doesn't happen in my own place too. We recently buried one of my Uncle and when we wanted to help the the deceased children to arrange the burial they told us not to bother and they did everything excellent. Speak for your family not every family in Igbo land is like that.

    ReplyDelete
  27. Every culture has their flaws. No culture should hold on to negative belief systems just for the sake of tradition. All forms of oppression must fall. Too many ppl operate on nostalgia and carry on negative cultural systems under the guise of tradition. End these oppressive structures that imprison an entire half of the culture. It is sick that women give birth to their own oppressors, it's like a sick punishment from the gods.

    ReplyDelete

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