Hmmmmmm......
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
BOYFRIEND DISAPPEARS AFTER COLLECTING MARRIAGE LIST...
Good day Stella. Please post as soon as possible because I am confused right now and do not know what to do.
I have been dating a guy for 4 years and he proposed this year January. I accepted and he came to my house in February to make his intentions known to my mother (my dad is late). He asked us to give him little time.
Last month, he came to my house and told us that he has discussed with his people and the chosen date was 21st of November this year. We discussed everything in regards to money, people that will come ,things to buy and how to buy them. Although the list was given to him since February. According to him the money for everything was there.
My mummy asked him to send in the money at least two weeks to the time because she can't start informing people without her seeing the money and he agreed.
Till today, he has not sent any money or called to tell us anything.my mum called him for days now and he didn't pick. I called him severally and he refused to pick. He sent a message telling me that he used all the money for business and it hooked. That all the people that were supposed to pay him did not pay. I urged him to call my mum as she's bothered about the whole situation yet he has refused to call.
Good day Stella. Please post as soon as possible because I am confused right now and do not know what to do.
I have been dating a guy for 4 years and he proposed this year January. I accepted and he came to my house in February to make his intentions known to my mother (my dad is late). He asked us to give him little time.
Last month, he came to my house and told us that he has discussed with his people and the chosen date was 21st of November this year. We discussed everything in regards to money, people that will come ,things to buy and how to buy them. Although the list was given to him since February. According to him the money for everything was there.
My mummy asked him to send in the money at least two weeks to the time because she can't start informing people without her seeing the money and he agreed.
Till today, he has not sent any money or called to tell us anything.my mum called him for days now and he didn't pick. I called him severally and he refused to pick. He sent a message telling me that he used all the money for business and it hooked. That all the people that were supposed to pay him did not pay. I urged him to call my mum as she's bothered about the whole situation yet he has refused to call.
According to my mum she told few of her relatives.
The fire on me for bringing this type of person home is second to none. I don't know what to do. Please I need your suggestions. Thanks a lot.
EHEN sebi i always talk about a woman bringing something to the table and you will all attack me......List?
WHAT IS THIS?Is your mum selling you off?Do you have a job that keeps you busy and you take care of yourself from?
Business is bad everywhere and this man is under pressure and probably scared to call your mum or disappoint you and probably also confused and you are there referring to him as ''This kind of person''
What is your own contribution to the Marriage preparations?Nothing right?That is why the pressure is on this man and he is in hiding.....
Please relax,nothing is broken,he has not come and no one needs to be blamed.....
Discard any Marriage plans for now and try to be a supportive woman to your man...Instead of disturbing him about the money,find out how things are and how they can get better for him and also try to GET A JOB.....
I think all this list and traditional marriage stuff should be toned down to stop discouraging men from marrying.....
This is my opinion,do not concentrate on,offer advice and waka pass or your comment will be seized.
Even though you did not tell us what is in that list, i.e. the total cost, I have an idea of this if you are from down south. It is high time parents and guardian of our ladies see marriage as a step for the lady's fulfilment and not an escape from poverty. The economy is tight and not everyone will put in millions to marry a wife. Unless you want them to treat the wives like a liability they purchased. When you behave this way, remember that you have sons who will also go to get married. It always comes around.
ReplyDeleteSo my dear, what to do is to be calm and pray. Do you have a relationship with Jesus, if not why not? He will give you peace of mind in the midst of all these.
I'm going to collect my own list on Monday. I hope it doesn't make me disappear like my guy.
DeleteMake una wish me well.
😂😂
DeleteAre you the same person as bv Gates?
All the best Isaac.
DeleteIsaac bring gist when you collect the list o😁😁😁
Delete😁 @ Isaac, I wish you well. The Lord will provide.
DeleteSoro soke if the list is neck cutting o. There's marriage after the wedding.
Some parents are greedy, my parents collected and collected till they made sure my husband had nothing again, my husband never complained till date and still respect them. Now my elder brother is about to get married and my dad is saying they won't give the brides family more that 60k for cooking, someone that said 200k was too small for cooking during my own time 5years ago... Now they are telling me to tell my husband to bring his contribution, I told them my husband owns them no contribution and I will never do such thing... They don't see maga that doesn't complain, am not working as job is not forthcoming and this man has never complained or frown for one day because of that, he provides every single thing we need and still give me and the kids monthly allowance. How is my brothers wedding supposed to concern my husband financially? Abeg they should sort them selves out. Parents please stop being too greedy
DeleteGo to him and find out how things are. Don't solely depend on your husband.
DeleteGood luck
I wish you well Isaacbill, if you collect the list and you can’t afford it, then discuss with your wife to be and see if anything can be done to bring it down to your standard. Even if you can’t still afford it then let her and her family know instead of pulling this stunt poster’s fiancé pulled. It’s only a coward that disappears like this and leave his woman hanging.
DeleteA real man will face whatever boldly and walk away with dignity if need be.
@15:55
Delete👍👍👍👍👍👍👍
Wow! I see a woman that understand a bit what marriage is here.
In addition, please make sure you have a "family account" where if anything happens to your husband (not a wish please,)
you and the kids should have something to live on. May God bless and keep your home.
Annony 15:15..I just love you.
Delete@Prettiest rose, thanks for the advice to BV Issac bill.
I have seen this comment before@ 15:15. Your brother never still marry. Congratulations Isaac gates. No do pass yourself.
DeleteLovelace
I wish you well isaac
Delete@ 15.55, you are wise. If one is not careful, some of these parents/family will push one out of marriage or one may never even get married. What is your husband's business with your brother's wedding? If he chooses to support, that should be voluntary.
DeleteThis mentality of scraping a man's head because he wants to marry or has married 'our daughter'needs to stop.
I really love Traditional marriage and believe it should never be abolished. It is our culture but extorting prospective suitors and using it as poverty alleviation programme is what annoys me.
Sorry. The guy no get money again. But him for just talk.
ReplyDeleteStella's advice is so on point.
DeleteMeanwhile,aunty you mean to tell me you are engaged to be married to a man with whom you know little of his finances, business, savings and so on?
Me o, by the time I and my boyfriend got serious, we were already doing some financial stuff together. He had found out I was better in planning and investment so he had shifted some of his finances to me to manage for him. By the time he proposed, we opened a joint account. He was too glad someone is taking off his financial management off him and by the time the marriage list came, we did everything from the joint account; the wedding o, furnishing our new house o. At no point was he ever alone even though his contribution was more than mine into the joint account that we maintain till today.
Marriage is deep and all encompassing. No aspect of your lives should be exempted. I agree that it's not all men that should be trusted but please, find the one trustworthy enough. It's worth it.
This particular guy, please let him rest. It's enough. Don't call again. If he had bonded enough with you, he should have carried you along instead of ghosting you and your family. He has a lot of growing up to do.
You spoke about your fiance so COLDLY,what type of relationship do you have with him?is there love in the relationship? Is there communication? How come you dont know he did some business that is hanging?hmmm!
Delete👏👏👏👏👏👏weldone Stella
ReplyDelete😂🤣😹 The list was possibly on the high side for him and he had no option than to stay away from you people for now.Y'all should let the man be mbok
ReplyDeleteI totally agree with you.
DeleteInstead of complaining, he chose to silently walk away.
Know your man's capacity and tell your people to comply based on what he can afford.
Not always true. The list in my case was about 50k and my husbands uncle complained that it was too much. My husband just quietly paid it and carried on with the wedding. Meanwhile my husband is paying the uncles rent of about 500k annually. Imagine??
DeleteThen he should come out and tell them instead of doing hide and seek.
DeleteAnonymous 15:43, it was your husband's uncle that complained 50K was too much and not your husband. Don't get thing mixed up here.
DeleteWahala be like bicycle 🚲. Is it only on phone that you discuss? You don't know his house or where he works?, your story seems incomplete..
ReplyDeleteTry and find out what he is going through and know if he already married behind you.
Abi o. Help me ask her. She no know him house?
DeleteSame thing I thought while reading it. Poster does it then mean you haven't set eyes on him since February? Haven't you guys been communicating? Haven't you guys been meeting each other cos you would have known what's up with his finance and all.
DeleteThe guy has japaa be that
Were you both actually preparing for this marriage? You sound like the man was coming to buy a car and his money got stolen. Please lady, if you value yourself like "a jewel" that you should be, you should have a more interactive courtship than what I read here. You should know your fiance's worth and if he is able to afford what is being thrown at him. If not, then you support him. You don't just wait for him to struggle and you just walk into what you call "marriage" to consume. That's not the mindset of a godly woman. Read Proverbs 31, for insight.
ReplyDeleteWhat kind of a man is that, that would run in the face of a difficult situation? That's not how a real man should act at all. This is quite disgraceful. Anyway, Poster, dry your tears. In my opinion that man doesn't love you enough. He could have approached your mum and rescheduled. This type can leave you standing alone at the altar. Love isnt enough in marriage. You need a man that is man enough to stand by you through thick and thin. It is well.
ReplyDeleteTimes are hard, she should try and reach out to him and know what is going on with him. I don't mean via the phone. Everyone knows how this year has been.
DeleteHe has not handled the situation in the best of ways but he is only human. If you guys need to postpone then please postpone, there should be no pressure. If you also know the list is not reasonable or on the high side, you better have a chat with your mum.
All the best.
Well said!. This kind of man will leave you and run away when troubles come.
DeleteIf no money, he should have picked the call and explained to your mum
Peoceed with caution!
@Nwunye
DeleteSo how does a 'real woman' behave, just fold hands and wait for the man to pay for everything including the air she will be breathing?
And she just walks into the home and fold her hands and breed kids and consume resources, is that how you are training your daughters?
🙄🙄🙄🙄
Thank you babe.
DeleteHe should have called and explained things and have the date moved, list has nothing to do with anything, just reason with your in laws, who doesn't know things are hard right now?
After all poor man dey marry too, poster he didn't do well.
Nwunye Doc, you got it right. The man just ended up disgracing the fiancée, which is not fair. Even if he can’t afford the items on the list for whatever reason which is not a crime, he should have called his woman and discuss with her. If he didn’t open up, how will the woman help out. Some men will put up appearance that all is well just for them to disappoint last minute.
DeleteImagine if this lady had gone ahead to get pregnant? It is always the right thing to remain chaste till the bride price is paid. Just be calm.
ReplyDeleteYou're so on point.
DeleteThe point is that very few ladies reason this way. Once they see what looks like marriage, they swallow hook, line and sinker
DeleteOn the contrary, if she had gotten pregnant, the family will have no choice but to reduce the items contained in the list. It's either they do that or they watch their daughter have a baby outside wedlock.
Delete@NOc
DeleteSo you are in effect advocating for people to engage in premarital sex? What you wrote there is exactly the problem; marriage by harassment. the girl will rush to get married even if the man is having a change of mind, like right now.
Tell the guy to come marry you free of charge. He should just ring flowers
ReplyDeleteLol. Poster all is well. This list used to cause palava and argument but I think there should be a common ground for negotiation and what you can bring to the table. Nowadays men prefer women that are financially stable to help them cover for thier lags.
DeleteIts not like before that most men prefer stay at home wives. Even if you/ your husband chooses for house wife duties, get busy with your hands for income.
If he is God's will, he will come back to you if not he is gone for good.
The chronicle is actually funny 😆 So sorry poster I had to laugh 😂
ReplyDeleteUncle Japa 💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻💃🏻 I guess you are Ibo 🙈 most especially Imo, just guessing though.
SDK for me I will not like to add shi shi on my traditional wedding but I wouldn’t mind paying off 80% bill for my white / court. Because that traditional wedding ehhhh I would really want my man to have it all o o because some guyzna that particular money you gave them to add for the traditional expenses they may use to pay your bride price lol
I am thinking 🤔 wired lol
Well Poster I dunno if you are from East..But what is obtainable is that your mom ought to inform her husband's family eldest bro or elderly person (I have not heard of mobilization money) about the intention of the young man...Then it is your mom's husband's eldest bro or elderly person that will meet the Umu-Nna to collect list etcetera etcetera...That being said...I don't like that the guy had to go mute on the whole thing..If he was not comfortable why didn't he discuss with you on the challenges...Abeg forget that guy and pray God gives you your own and going forward, approach things like this with wisdom and caution...putting money at the forefront is gonna scare the guy..
ReplyDeleteMaybe he has really put the money into a business, you really need to talk it with him. But wait sef, hope the bride price is not too much.
ReplyDeleteThis poster is from the east, no doubt. Not being tribalistic though, its their way. Most of them oo
ReplyDeleteoh shut your tribalistic gutter..am not from the east
DeleteThere’s no where she wrote where she’s from, na wa for you. Just give your advice and keep it moving instead of guessing where she’s from.
DeleteIf you know anything at all, you would know that a woman doesn’t give out her daughter in marriage in the East. Her late husband’s family would be the one presenting this list.
Deleteam I the only one who read the part where the mum asked him to transfer the money to her account as she cannot start inviting anyone if she hasn't seen money.... lmao. Poverty mentality. You bring nothing to the table but make the most ridiculous demands.
ReplyDeleteYou people should stop this please,a man that cannot fund something like this should not get married yet or quietly go for registry only.Do you expect a lady to pay her own bride price ?I contributed to my wedding but my husband did the normal traditional right alone.
DeleteStella so the man should not pay anything? I beg it’s the mans duty to buy the things on the list pls. So if she’s working she should buy the list things?? Then she is marrying herself. I am sure she will contribute but the list is the mans responsibility I beg
ReplyDeleteDid Stella say thean should not pay anything. How so you people comment without understanding.
DeleteLovelace
Thank you anon 15:14,i dont understand what people are saying ooo.
Delete1st of all, poster you don't love the guy; You just want to be called a Mrs. your writing and how you refer to him says a lot. 2nd why is your mum so concerned about what people will think than sympathising with you?
ReplyDeleteThe guy in question can obviously not afford the list he's been given and doesn't know how to tell you. Reason being that, there's no communication in your relationship, talkless of love, please allow the young man be. I wouldn't advise you to still work things out with him because as much as you and your family are to be blamed the most in all these, he is self centred and cannot be trusted. If not, he could have atleast sent a message to tell you he cannot go ahead.
I will advise you to dust up yourself before considering marriage.
Stella you are missing the point. The man is irresponsible. He cant even call his fiancee or mother inlaw to be and explain things. Ignoring her call that's disrespectful. He is not bothered at all. He doesn't seem like he wants to go on with it. Poster make your findings. He silently wants to walk away without breaking your heart. I don't think it has to do with the content of the list .
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry,poster but that's the kind of man that can abandon you at the alter or even maternity hospital. Being broke is no justification for not picking calls. There is no reason for not answering calls and explaining what's going on. I can't help but feel that there is more going on with him than he is ready to tell you. Just know that you don't have a suitor and move on and I hope you get over the embarrassment.
ReplyDeleteAside the issue of finance here, I sense a lack of communication on both side. A man you want to live the rest of your life with should be able to tell what is exactly he is going through and two of you sit down to cut your coat according to your material. Running away and not picking calls is not the option and it's not for your mum to be calling (harassing) him to find out what's next, it's your job girl. Instead of ignoring calls, he should man up and post pone the marriage plans to a later time. There will be issues in marriage, will he hide his head or run too. You guys are a team start working as one from now!
ReplyDeleteJust be calm and find out what is happening with him and see how you can encourage him.
ReplyDeleteAlso, since your dad is late, hope your uncles are not putting all their financial problems on him through over-billing? If that's the case, you will need to talk to your mum to see if they can bring the list down to what your man can afford and that's if he has expressed his concern about the list being over-priced or not.
It is well with you. Don't worry yourself, everything will fall in place. Don't let anyone make you feel sad.
Na wa ooo
ReplyDeleteReminds me of an Igbo guy here in Canada that wanted to marry this uyo girl. If you see the list the family gave him, the boys mom had to ask what is the thing they are paying for???
ReplyDeleteMeanwhile both families live here in Canada o. The list sef shock Igbo people.
Those people list na helele, my hubby's best friend is set to marry one uyo chic, come see list na, chim o!
DeleteIt's in one Ikom girl marriage list I don ever see BUNGALOW as part of the list!!! Bungalow, as in the man is to build them a house though I don't know if it should be b4 or after the wedding o! The guy is just a lecturer in Zaria fah! And their daughters must not carry belle b4 marriage o or they may bewitch her to die at childbirth (so we heard) then the man will be forced to marry her in death!!!
DeleteSo sorry for this kind wahala. Temptation everywhere. Please pray hard, marriage and it's wahala
ReplyDeletePerhaps it was you who dragged the guy to go see your people. i am not sure he actually was prepared for it.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmm God knows the best.
ReplyDeleteSome chronicles shaa...
ReplyDeleteSounds incomplete
From your writeup, the relationship seems like a mixture/combination of kero and water, sounds more like an arranged connection or so.
Let's normalize giving detailed information so as to attract best advice that'd help not just a one sided /cover story...
Of course having money hooked in a business is a very reasonable excuse..
the man should call pls, u no know his house. woman be supportive. I dey WhatsApp of not contributing for trad but contribute for white.
ReplyDeleteI do not like the fact that he refused picking calls but Times are hard. Families should not make it harder by unnecessary lists.
ReplyDeleteJust last week, I saw the list of a coworker who was getting married. BVs all the items from number 1-24 I found ridiculous! They should pity these people please! Most of the items on the lists can be toned down!
Hmmm.....
ReplyDeleteYour man should have told you the state of his pocket from the start. Were you guys planning on wrecking his bank account and business all because of a wedding? What about life after wedding?
Poster check that list properly and come up with a solution or better forget a union with this guy and move on from this drama.
Stella Post my comment o
ReplyDeleteI love how Stella said nobody should copy her comment. Because most times BV will just concentrate on Stella's red pen without saying their own at the end all the comments will look like copy and paste.
ReplyDeleteStella don talk, everybody don follow her, as if they can't also form a personal opinion.
ReplyDeleteYour guy is bad news, avoid him. A decent and honourable man will communicate with you and deliberate/ negotiate. He will not disappear into thin air after 4 years of dating. If he cannot open his mouth and talk with you, then something is definitely wrong with him and the relationship.
Shebi when totoh dikee married and said she paid everything, they cursed her out, now they still want you to marry yourself and blame you for a man's instability?
Better open your eyes and seek godly counsel from elders you hold in high esteem
God bless you anon 16:33,i do not want to share someone else's story.I know someone with a similar story.The marriage should be put on hold even if he comes back now.
DeleteAnon 16:33 you hit the nail on the head,the guy is a useless human being. Tueh
DeleteAre you minding them???
DeletePoster, this guy is bad news. He has shown total disrespect for you and your mum. If I were you, I would cut my losses and move on.
You were with a liar and a former who actually was nothing but a brokeass.
ReplyDeleteWhy did he say the money was there??? The guy never had that money set aside for the list if he still ended up using it for business. What stopped him from saying he doesn’t have it now so y’all can come to an agreement on what to do. Or why didn’t he call to explain and seek solution instead of ghosting???
Let’s even leave the issue of list aside, does the guy even have the ‘stamina’ to sustain a marriage???
You people always trying to take a dig at the Igbos for this always forget this is tradition and everyone has theirs. I will not even pretend that there are no greedy Igbo parents out there but most give u list based on how you have behaved, if u have come posing as an extremely wealthy man, u will get an extremely expensive rich. That should teach y’all to learn how to be humble at all times.
You know the Igbo tradition, you know they will give u list, you know u will complain and u will still be busy chooking head.
Y’all will tell me if poor people in Igbo lands don’t get married with all of your unnecessary exaggeration
I find it both shocking and sad that everyone is jumping on Stella’s bandwagon on why should there be a list, why is the list high etc.
ReplyDeleteFirst, nobody here knows anything about this list. Nobody has an idea if it is high or unreasonable. It is unfair to the poster to make assumptions.
Second, which sane man in Nigeria goes to marry and not expect to do any traditional rites on the woman? Which same man does that. If a man doesn’t want to be connected with any thing traditional marriage rites, he will make it clear from day one!
Third, why on earth should a woman pay her for her own traditional rites? The man coming to marry her is his mum living with her dad free of charge. A real man must pay what he can afford, but pay he must.
Fourth, any woman that feels it is modernization to help a man marry her traditionally is in for a funny ride in marriage. I have examples of ladies that did so and I can tell you they are married to themselves. They are paying rent, school fees and feeding both them and the man. Because obviously she married herself for the man.
We criticize posters for sending in chronicles about having deadbeat husbands but we are here justifying an obvious case of an irresponsible grown man.
Last, if at all the list is enormous, is he dumb. Can’t he simply say. I dont t have money and will not continue with the marriage plans.
So a full grown man disappeares the next reasonable thing for the poster to do is step in and pay her own brideprice?
You guys will be the first to say she is desperate to answer Mrs.
Please let’s learn to be fair and logical.
Read the comments and tell me who suggested she should pay her bride price.
DeleteWhen BVs disagree with Stella and even bash her, you all don't talk but when bvs thoughts align with hers, they don't have a mind of their own.
We know that most times the list is unreasonable plus there is no law that says they must marry now.
At the time he was given the list, he may have invested money in business and was expecting good profit, Covid happened, 2020 has been slow.
Both of them do not even have any business getting married. They cannot communicate now is it when they get married they will communicate?
Anons 17.00 God bless you for helping type
DeleteRegardless of the situation he should have taken you aside and explain to you exactly what is going on. He should have given you a chance to be there. I know that most men have a pride and ego thing going on, but cutting you out is not the way. When love is present respect never fades. Perhaps he was ashamed to face you, but he should have pushed through his fears, if you love him you will stick by him through the hard times. I do not like how he dealt with you, especially considering you have four years of history together. So if you two were married and hard times came he would have run away from home?
ReplyDeleteDo not hold your breath waiting for him. If other suitors come your way date them. In the meantime keep working and building and improving yourself. Cry your tears, feel your pain, talk to God, but when enough tears have been shed and shame has been felt focus on the matter of living and move on in greatness.
No communication in that relationship..
ReplyDeleteFrom what I understand, this "list" is given to the prospective husband as a precursor to the payment of the brideprice. A traditional right of passage for a man to show his prospective in-laws that he is man enough to provide for and take care of their daughter. It's a traditional rite which varies from each ethnic group. I know little about certain traditional rites, so excuse my ignorance, but shouldn't your intended have complained if the items on the list were financially excessive for him? I hear some families can revise the list and make it more pocket friendly.
ReplyDeleteDarling, what I'm labouring to pass across is, your intended ought to discuss his reservations about the list, if any, with you before pulling a Houdini on you and yours. Shouldn't he have thought of the expenses before setting a date? He suggested the date, no? Or did you put pressure on him? The way I see it, purely my opinion, if you have to invest the money you set aside for the marriage of the lady you want in your life, into your business, it's either you aren't financially ready to start a family or you were suddenly hit with the realisation that the lady in question isn't as near and dear as you had imagined. Either way, it doesn't bode well for your union.
The civilised thing to have done was to call another meeting where he would ask your family for a postponement to enable him put his house in order. I find his actions shockingly disrespectful, to be honest. It's not like the entire wedding expenses were left for him to shoulder. I don't think an intended bride should contribute to the payment of her brideprice or the other traditional prerequisites. A bride can contribute 90% of the funds for the marriage celebration, if she is so inclined, but a MAN who waltzes in to marry a wife must have the balls to comply with the requirements, ask for a review or call the whole thing off the honourable way. Avoiding your prospective in-laws' calls and keeping your would be bride in the dark is such a sissy move, it smacks of unadulterated cowardice.
Sweetheart, from my vantage point, it appears your man is no longer interested in marrying you. The "list" is just an embroidered way of escape for him. This may just be a blessing in disguise because both of you seem rather distant for lovers of 4 years who now want to make it official. Your level of communication is a tad low, and that's me being modest. Some men go through much worse just to marry the woman they love. You shouldn't be with a man whose first impulse is to get going once the going gets tough. I shudder to imagine your fate when the rent is due or, God forbid, you have quadruplets with soaring medical bills. Best he leaves now that later. I'm so sorry darling, but you will have to sit it out and allow the humiliation pass because it will, eventually. Don't beat yourself up too much, some women were actually left at the Altar and they survived.
e-hugs and kisses.
Chai, I still remembered you today and here you are.. I miss your comments "darling" ma'am ❤ 😁
DeleteAm giving you a standing ovation applause roda 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏💋❤❤❤👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏 you're the best
DeleteThank you,it seems Stella has forgotten how traditions work over here.
DeletePoster no body died here so why are you ranting, stop putting pressure on the young man and do not push him into something he is not ready to do.
ReplyDeleteYour mother is worried about few of your relatives she has spoken to and no one is worried if the said man even has the cash or his business is moving forward.
Turn it down for now, find time to understand what his new project is at the moment and give him your full support. Talk with him not on phone but face to face, understand where he is coming from. Please do no pressure or nag him about the marriage stuffs.
Your mum should stop calling the guy, he doesn't have the liver to stand her or he is respecting her and don't want to stay anything stupid.
If he is no longer interested you should know when to draw the lines than stressing yourself. Is possible he came for the list with faith but reality just hit him.
Personally, I think the man is irresponsible and disrespectful. Where I come from, the list is standard. The bride's family is not solely responsible for it. It is tradition and there are some things on the list that cannot be skipped.
ReplyDeleteHe should have met with the family and discuss with them so that they will know how to go about it. You can always negotiate certain things on the list.
They can do a low key ceremony. Is she going to bring the money for her own bride price?
That is not how a real man should behave.
Even if the lady has millions, she will not support to the extent of paying her own bride price.
There is nothing wrong if the mother asked for money to be paid into her account. They will definitely cook that day, is it the day of the occasion that the money will be sent to her for preparations.
The best thing is to move on. He is not good for you.
Nice one @ronalda. I can only imagine the emotional trauma this poster will be passing through, especially now that family is involved. Honestly it’s really embarrassing. I wish the poster can just move on & forget about the guy & his audio marriage plans. Imagine using marriage money to do business. Yimu. Guyman no dey interested again ooo.
ReplyDeleteMe I sha think the guy just found out that Bride price was only paid for virgins in the bible and had a rethink..
ReplyDeletePlease, my opinion.. you're free to write yours too without replying mine .. if you reply me nonsense.. you'll purge for the next 24 hours😕😞
Bless you
For 4 whole years you both courted each other yet it is very difficult for him to communicate with you. A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage...
ReplyDeleteStell i follow you advise today 100%. If she likes let her not be valuable before they call her 'liability wife'.
ReplyDeleteIgbo list Igbo list, but poor people get married everyday in Igboland. Poster, your man is irresponsible and you should thank God that this is happening now than after you got married. Tonto that paid her bride price where is the marriage now. The man had the guts to ignore your mum and then you. My sister kneel down and thank Jehova from saving you from this man. He has no iota of respect for you.
ReplyDeleteIf this poster shares a Chronicle that has to do with being the one financing her family after marriage and she says that she paid for her marriage list like Stella is saying,most people in this blog will go ahead and condemn her and tell her she actually has herself to blame (remember TONTO).
ReplyDeleteTraditionally the list has to be paid by the man, not the woman and if he can't afford it he could have asked for her help.
He shouldn't have gone MIA.
my advice: This fella is not trust worthy, you dated for 4 years and he's pulling off this disappearing act. Please I'd advice you move on.its looking like if things get tough in future he might be unavailable.
He has no justification for ghosting on you. Shows he doesn't respect you. Even if the list is too bogus he can always sit and discuss with your parents and if they your parents are unyielding he will walk away. But ghosting on you this manner? Totally wrong.
ReplyDeleteThe list given to him was too much
ReplyDelete