STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
SERIOUS MARITAL ISSUES
Good day Stella,
Stella please i need your red ink and a truthful advice urgently and that of from you and my fellow bvs.
I got married 2017 and I must say I don't know what has befallen me, I am a graduate but due to no employment i started a wine shop in 2015 and in 2016 i met my husband , we got married 2017 and when we met i told him I am a graduate of Theatre and performing Arts and I would like to pursue my dream or probable get a job because I am not comfortable with business but I had to survive and not depend on anyone that was why I opened a shop, he agreed.
He's from a muslim background I am a Christian, he started following me to church I was glad I did not know it was a set up, my dad was against the marriage but my mum was in support and wanted me out of the house so I can get married early, after marriage dear Bv's he stopped going to church and also stopped me from going and doing nothing, no job nothing, if I say ok let me learn a skill , never we were always fighting,....
We beat one another and in 2019 i decided to leave the marriage , I left and i was happy and depressed because i couldn't conceive as well, that part a story for another day, so my pastor Mrs encouraged me to get a job and start over, in the church I met a young guy through the pastor and on one of our outing I was depressed and couldn't control myself we had it and immediately I felt no this is not what I wanted now, my life would be from frypan to fire:::
I decided to leave town to my sister's place and exactly a month I was confirmed pregnant. I decided to keep the baby because I was already 30 and probably get a job, I informed the guy and he said I should keep it because he's a divorcee as well, so he said i should go and file for divorce i pleasantly told him i left my marriage like two months back and I don't think I want another one in a hurry, thank God I said that, guy man said ok he left:::
Stella in a week I saw this new guys introduction pictures with another woman, I wasn't heartbroken because I wanted to be alone too, that same month my hubby came begging and I told him I can't come back, i told him what has happened, i am with another man's baby and I don't want to complicate my life, I told my parentS my condition and begged them for forgiveness because I let down my guard and disgraced the family by getting pregnant , they forgave and promised to stand by me::
Then hubby had started calling my people to beg, remember for good one month plus he did not call my people to beg them, he begged and my parent told him can he accept me like that he said yes, I was shocked because I saw a new angel, my parent pleaded with me that i go back but with some conditions, he would allow me go to church and he will allow me get a job, and also stop feeling insecure by locking me inside always, he agreed Stella::::
Now i have given birth and our baby girl is 10 months, hubby does not even want to hear work, go to church, start anything at all, I am stuck, the only promise he fulfilled was taking the baby as his because he has a set of twins before I met him with a lady he did not marry and anytime those cute twins visits I care for them and loved them like mine maybe that was what he reciprocated....
He is violent, though he doesn't hit me anymore but he abuses me , makes me see reasons to be in the house doing nothing always, he won't even allow me keep friends, these days is hard I can't even talk because of the baby, I can't talk of going out, he doesn't have a job, he is not a graduate and he does some contract once in a while, he is fetish, he told me his Babalawo said if I leave him I won't amount to anything life...
I have become a shadow of myself .
Now why I am writing this is , he has started his usual problem of nagging and drinking excessively, last night he woke up midnight and peed in the wardrobe because he was fighting with his brothers wife and I told him to stop all these , he got angry that i said he should stop fighting, right now he said everyone is doing him and stopping his glory, the little contract I said he does is little building his uncle in abroad wants him to do, and anytime he has money he become so arrogant that he abuses his employer sef, now i told him to sell his car and use it to do Saudi Arabia visa to go and hustle or do a UK visa a friend of mine is doing to go because i don't see a future for him in Nigeria, no education, nothing just an entitlement that people must give you money....
I am tired , with what he did last night I feel like leaving him now but right now should i give him ultimatum to do the Saudi visa by January and if he refuses I should leave or stay back and continue like this because of my baby he accepted.
Note the father of the baby I told him I don't have a pregnancy anymore when I saw his introduction picture. So right now i am messed up. Before if i have an interview and he knows, he will say i won't make it and I won't, now he is saying I can not get a job so I shouldn't deceive myself and lo, no interview anymore. Nothing.
*You should never have gone back to him,he is toxic and bad news!!
*You should never have gone back to him,he is toxic and bad news!!
Abeg marriage is not by force and stories like this is scary and very depressing to read.....forget that babalawo and leave if you must!!!
Madam,please leave that marriage.
ReplyDeleteBetter go and inform the biological father of that child that hes got one with you. Cause keeping it away from him isn't right at all.
Get a job and get your groove back. Marriage is not an achievement. If it comes, you accept it; if it doesn't, rock you single hood with pride.
Stop saying Marriage is not an achievement! A Good marriage is one of many achievements in this life especially if that’s what you want! Marriage is part of Gods plan so stop this ridiculous statement. Goshhh
DeleteVery is so sad.
ReplyDeleteMadam you wouldn't have gone back to your vomit.
Please since he doesn't want to change, just do whatever makes you happy.
Madam pls don't even get pregnant for him. Jesus is bigger than babalawo... 3 days midnight prayers, he will confess and you will be free.
DeleteHe's not the owner of your life. Inform your parents fast, before he uses you for ritual
The thought of having unprotected sex terrifies me. You met someone n banged him like dat...that's onlyvwhat I saw. Pele...ur situation is so complicated.
ReplyDelete@Blackberry
DeleteIf the sex became "protected," will it cease to be fornication? I say this because she presented herself a believer in Christ. It is a no, no.
If she did not present herself as such, I will not bother.
BB don't mind 15.41.
DeletePoster. Take your baby. Move out. Start your business all over again. Search for that job you love. Get it. And keep it moving.
I can close my eyes and smell the class of the people involved in this story. Uproot yourself from their midst, build yourself. Time for man will come and you will recognise him when the time comes. Such a time is when you have built yourself, raised your daughter and able to attract a respectable man that will respect and treat you right. For now, e don do.
@Saphire
DeleteWhat did 15:41 do to you? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
It's not all about the fornication aspect. There are so many diseases it's shocking people who claim to be mentally sound still go around having unprotected sex. Having an STD in Nigeria is not a small something o
DeletePoster first of all you have a very low self esteem which you need to work on..You don't have self confidence..Your husband is toxic and narcissist and you must never tolerate domestic violence...Don't go back to your husband because he has not changed, he just told you all those things because he feel he is God over your life..Why are you not focused on your wine shop? I know that those into drinks business once you know some event centres/ hotels and you build your network, you will make excellent sales and money! How far with the job? If you have not seen any, please find how you can resurrect that business? In all you said, you need to brace yourself and be strong for your child! Forget all those babalowo nonsense talk he just wants to cower you!! You are more than enough..Leave those two men for now! Focus on yourself and your baby...Please if your parents can help with funds or you have good friends that can borrow you money go and re-open that wine shop at least to have a source of income!! If your husband cannot sit down and decide what to do with his life then so be it!! Don't go back to that man!! All the best!!
ReplyDeleteShe has low self esteem? Ndi internet advisors!
Delete18:34. Endswat is completely right. Her chronicle screams very low self esteem and self worth. A confidence woman with high self esteem won’t tolerate this shit! She would have moved out and not come back. A human being just like her. Can you imagine this nonsense all in the name of marriage. Menn people are really suffering oo. Parents please raise your kids well and give them positive reinforcement!!!
DeleteWow this is such a complicated story. Why not go back to your parents house at least you would be free
ReplyDeleteYour greatest mistake is returning to your vomit. Had it been you haven't gone back, you would have gone far in life. I don't know what some women see in irresponsible men.
ReplyDeleteWhen people show you who they are once, believe them.
ReplyDeleteNawaooo... Women going back to your abuser never ever ends well.. they rarely change.. dust your shoes and jakpa oh.. the Bible said, " do not be equally yoked with an unbeliever..🚶🚶🚶🚶🚶
ReplyDeleteDear poster, what were you thinking of when you married or went back to him? Do you know the truth? you don't have a marriage at all. Stop deceiving yourself. He won't let you go to church or do any of the things you want.
ReplyDeletePls leave this marriage. It is true he might be fetish, but please stop believing his lies. "Nothing good will come to you" if you leave which one of them is God? Please, leave and organize yourself. When you leave pls take time before you start another relationship.
You need to have a relationship with God first and understand what you want and who you are. On this one I say leave.
Two cannot walk/work together except they agree. I don't see your meeting point of agreement at all. This one will not work. You don't need a soothsayer to tell you.
All the best.
Rightly said Ms Stella, It's the man that is the babalawo; he has messed you up mentally and otherwise.
ReplyDeleteYou now doubt yourself; you dear Poster know what to do; follow your gut instinct that's one gift GOD gave us
Poster!!!! Leave that marriage before the man turns your life upside down.
ReplyDeleteHer life is already upside down! Such a disgusting chronicle. I don't even understand why she settled for a useless uneducated man.
DeletePoster, if you like remain there till he kills you, that's your business
hello madam,
ReplyDeleteyou now have a baby, you need to do all you can for that child. pack your load and go back home. what happened to the wine shop? is the anyway you can set up again? at least you and baby can be in the shop in the day. can you borrow money from friends? family? even if its 5k each when you call 30 people you will have something tangible to start a business. try to borrow from your pastor too. Then i also suggest you contact the father of the baby and tell him the baby is alive and well. it will cause wahala for him, but what is the point in lying? the baby will still want to know later. he may also be able to assist financially. look for anyway to earn money my dear, even if you start with baking meeatpie or dougnut for any nearby shop or filling station.
He will soon use you or the baby for ritual purposes if care is not taken. How will you believe that a man who was beating you before you had another man’s child will suddenly treat you better after ? Women should learn to love themselves...haba, are you a martyr for marriage? You have fast become a slave to sin, forgive yourself, stand strong and stop depending on that man to help you carry the cross of your mistake...it is enslaving you. The sooner you do something with the remaining of your self worth, the he better.
ReplyDeleteWhen you have parents that are not through believers of Christ, that is what you get. So all this time that the bible keep saying do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever, what did you think it means. How can u even come up with the excuse that he changed and was going to church!!! May God help us to make the right decisions and may God also give us good parents that are not selfish and desperate. Well this is my counsel. Let the man be for now. Leave quietly with your baby. No need trying to give him suggestion. Go before they use u or your child for ritual. Lastly when you leave, go and seek God’s face genuinely. Do not return to your parents yet bcos as it stands now, your parents are not ready to help with the responsibilities. Go and seek God and take care of your child. So long as you share a roof with a man that does not blive in your God, there is no way anything will work for the both of you. You should even be grateful that his seed did not take root in your womb. May the good Lord have mercy on you and may He keep you safe from every evil. Your husband has seen that the small grace that comes with you left when you left that is why the juju priest told him all that to put fear in you. Nothing will happen to you dear. Go and seek God and let the juju eat his own head.
ReplyDeleteIf you really know Jesus Christ, you wouldn't have married him.
DeleteYou still have a chance to start again and cut all communication with him. Pray more.
Your mother wanting you out of the house was not going to live with him
DeleteYou were
Nobody on earth should force you as they will not live with the person , you are!
You better let him register the car for Uber/Bolt and be getting money from there to take care of the family. Did u keep a job for him at Saudi or he's been promised a job? They don't pick money abroad o
ReplyDeletejust what I'm doing. please take this advice
DeleteLizzy true @ your comment but is he willing to drive the car himself...
DeleteWhat are you still doing in that house? Please leave now that you are still alive.
ReplyDeleteYou shouldn't have gone back, one thing is certain, abusers don't stop. As a matter of fact, they become worse. That relationship is toxic and you should find the courage to move ASAP before you lose your sanity and maybe your life. It's better to be divorced than being insane, physically injured or dead
ReplyDeleteWhen the Bible clearly states that there is no accord a child of light has with unbelievers, you probably ignored that part.
ReplyDeleteYou are still lucky ou dont have a baby for this good for nothing man. Make peace with your God. Confess your baby to the dad and move on in life.
Go for deliverance and be a prayer warrior, cos this man will stop at nothing to wreck yoir destiny spiritually nd physically.
I hope others can learn from your story.
@AGELESS
What are you doing in that marriage!!! Please get out, whether he does Saudi visa or not. You can take care of yourself and your baby. Wake up and get a life for yourself.
ReplyDeletePoster, nothing absolutely will happen to you if you leave. Stop believing those negative comments. Why hasn't the babalawo turned his destiny around?
ReplyDeleteMadam, for how long will you continue like this? You have a life ahead of you, his insecurity ll do nothing but kill you.
ReplyDeleteGet up, dust up yourself, file for divorce, with that, his words ll have no power over you anymore, you'll get a better job
You've made a lot of mistakes.
ReplyDeleteDon't make more.
Let the father of your baby know that he has a child and leave it at that.
As for your husband, you NEED to leave him. Which yeye ultimatum are you giving him.
Aside from the fact that he doesn't have money, he is TOO toxic.
Did you guys read where she said he peed inside their wardrobe? Bcos he was angry? Abeg who brought up this boy😢😢 imagine the smell in that house. Omg
ReplyDeleteMy dear, I married a Muslim too, hmmmmmmmm over 17yrs of marriage still am not allowed to go out, no friends, infact everything about me is controlled, I left 3yrs ago because of pressure from my family to consider the children and him promising to change, lolz ........ change they will never change but an average Muslim see a woman like commodity. Am not physically abuse but verbal and emotional hmmmmmm, save yourself the headache and get out
ReplyDeleteHope you didnt leave your children behind?
Deletein your thirties???? Babe you are still young,live that marriage please..he may be diabolic but papa God pass am..
ReplyDeleteJust take a walk
ReplyDeleteI must answer mrs,or married woman is your problem. God delivered you from the hands of the evil yet you went back to your vomit.
ReplyDeleteMadam face your reality and take a decision.
Contact the real owner of the baby and tell him the truth.
People always prefer the appearance of things than having the real thing. The appearance of having a happy marriage is more important to your parents than you actually being happily married. I do not know who could make me encourage any woman to return to a hellish household. And you obviously returned for financial reason although you are not living any comfortable lifestyle either.
ReplyDeleteI hope you registered the baby in your own family name and not your husband's name.
You have to devise a way to go your way. Perhaps one of those charities or NGOs that help women in abusive marriages can help. Though he is no longer physically abusive he is still exerting control over you which is a form of abuse. Pissing in the wardrobe just shows how bloody low he is. You have to go clean it up like you have a toddler at home. Girl, sit and come up with a plan of action and move on when the right time is right. Preventing you from working is another act of abuse by keeping you impoverished you have no autonomy. Other BVs have been where you are today and they were able to rise up and move away from it, if they can do it in a hard country like Nigeria then know that you can too. Let no one bind you into poverty, you have your child to think about too, and she deserves a pleasant childhood.
Pray against him and his babalawo and have no fear in any of them, they don't even have any power over the length of their days, so they have no power over you. They are powerless and a ruthless man like him could use your child for diabolical reasons, so you should have even more motivation to get out as soon as possible.