Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicles Of A Married Man - 5

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Sunday, December 27, 2020

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 5

The decisions you make as a couple in the early days of your marriage is very crucial and they will go a long way to affect the life of your marriage. 








It is at the early stage that you can clearly define how your marriage will go. This is when you start laying the foundation for the happy home. Nor let your block or cement finish ooo!

It is that time you decide on the part of the “I do” that you can really do. If you can’t cook or do laundry or do house chores, this is the best time to say it and stick with your decisions. It is the time to tell your partner how you want to deal with his family, a time to set boundaries. If you want to play the “bad wife” role. This is the best time to do it. Because when your husband or his family know that “that’s how she behaves”, they will learn to adjust and take you for who you truly are. This is not the time to start habits you cannot continue or sustain.


 Don’t forget it’s “Seventy-Years”


It is at this early stage that you will enjoy the best times of your lives as young married couples alone. Trust me when the children start rolling in, your life we never remain the same again. Have you best sex if you can, club or serve God and hang out as much as possible. Not that you can’t do them with children but like my wife will always say “children change everything”. When we were without children, we could make love anytime or anywhere as the spirit leads but now the best time for s#x is the “wee” hours of the morning.

 Now my best “alone moments” are my toilet times in the morning. 


My wife that used to very lazy is now a workaholic! Oh, how our lives have changed!


Here are some of the decisions we made early in our marriage and we still live by most of them till today…yours may be different depending on your marriage.



First, we agreed that no matter what happens, we are never going to report our family issues to our extended family or an outsider.
 

We will do everything within our powers to resolve our issues by ourselves. The only time I ever reported my wife to her mum, she was furious with me and it never happened again. Over time we have learnt to avoid those contentious issues and learnt to forgive and forget when we have to and also learnt to endure whatever we can’t change.



Second, you cannot say no to s#x no matter what.

 Yes, it can be done. But whenever you know you cannot perform such functions. Find ways to defer it but whatever happens, do not say no.

 While we were dating and early in the marriage, I was the “superman”. But these days I just have to do my best. I came to understand that s#x in marriage is dynamic and takes lots of understanding and communication to keep your s#x life going. Whenever you are not getting enough, just let your partner know and keep encouraging them to be better.



Third, your secret is your secret

I know lots of people will always encourage being open to your partner and telling them everything. For us, don’t tell me what I don’t need to know, especially if it is capable of causing quarrel or issues in the marriage. There are some things I do I don’t tell my wife and the same goes for her. Some things are better off not said. I try to keep my extended family issues away from her as much as possible. She does same when she can. As for what happened before the marriage, they have happened and, in the past. I don’t want to know. Also, ex-es should remain ex; they are ex for a reason.



Fourth, since I was the better cook of Nigerian soups, I do most of the soup cooking whenever I am at home.

 Cooking was a major cause of fracas earlier in the marriage, so we made that decision to avoid my complains when the meal is not good enough. Even though she has become a better cook these days, I still do the cooking till date. When it comes to chores and gender roles, we both know our limits and we support each other whenever we can. But I help when I can and it is not by force. I learnt babysitting, changing diapers and other domestic stuffs as the years went by.



Fifth, 
Her money is her money, mine is mine.

when it comes to money and managing finances; as long as I have settled all her financial needs and met all the requirements, how I spend the rest of the money I solely up to me.  Because money can be a major source of friction, we have always learnt how respected each other’s financial decisions. She already knows I am a giver by nature, so she always gives me that leeway to give to whoever I want to give to, no complaints!



Finally, to we told ourselves nobody will try to change the other

Manage me as you see me! We change in our own paces and our own time…no pressures. By this method, we have become better partners and parents as the years go by. I stopped going to church for over five years now; and she has taken me like that. Whenever people complain to her, she tells them “leave my husband like that, he will go when he is ready”.

Na so we they run the matter dey go ooo, until one morning when she woke me up on morning to ask “who is Amaka?”

Matter dey! I dey Come…

Ciao!




*LMAO.......Who is Amaka????

34 comments:

  1. I think today's post is the one I've learnt the most since this series started.
    The second paragraph has always been my watchword. I cannot be forming agriculturist for them to take me to farm so I will be good. The day you stop putting 20 pieces of meat in one plate when your in-laws come,that day they will say you have changed and had been pretending.
    Stella please I think there should be a column for this as we have for others abi is there?

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  2. Come back o
    And tell us who is Amaka?

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  3. Come and tell us who Amaka is o๐Ÿ˜‚

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  4. Why leave us on a cliff like this???๐Ÿ˜ญ
    Onye bu Amaka?๐Ÿคจ

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  5. Who's Amaka?? Abeg hurry tell us๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…๐Ÿ˜…

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  6. You see that no external bodies or third party interference as been working for me and mine for the past 5years.

    Non of our parents knows whatever happens in my home.We are as coded as that.

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  7. I like your writing style and your "seasoning" through the marital journey.

    Biko, Kedu onye bu Amaka? ๐Ÿคฃ

    I've fallen 'in love' with you already. Please, tell your wife another "Amaka" is on your trail! ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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  8. No one enters marriage with the mindset of changing another, it doesn't work. May God help every married couple here. Amen

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  9. Hahahahaha..I find this column very interesting.

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  10. Amaka no dey disappoint ๐Ÿคฃ๐Ÿคฃ

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  11. Please let me bring this host here.
    Yesterday my big friend (in her 50s- I'm 31) had an owambe to attend.
    So I got to her house so we could go together.
    She had just finished cooking when I got there so she began dressing up.
    Her husband called and said she should not leave the house till he returns.
    He got home few minutes later.
    It's like they had vexed small before he went out
    So they went upstairs.
    I watched TV for over 20 minutes. We were not late so I wasn't bothered.
    She later came out and asked me to join her in her bedroom and help her dress up.
    When I got upstairs she was in her bathroom, taking a shower.
    She got dressed and we were set.
    Her husband gave us money for makeup and told her she could use his favorite car, and also dashed me Christmas money.
    We left.
    In my mind, they had issues they needed to talk about that's why they spent over 20 minutes in the room.
    I was just happy with the Money I had received.
    It's on the way that Aunty told me out of the blues that they were having make up sex
    You should have seen me grinning from ear to ear.
    I love their love jare

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  12. And that is how some peeps will say my husband money is my money and vice versa, unto wetin? Because you marry?
    Una go soon wise up.

    I learnt one or two things from today's post though.

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    Replies
    1. In my marriage, nobody's money is the other person's oh. I remember before I started working, my husband would give me an allowance monthly and the rest of the money is still his even though I have access to it (I'm practically the holder of his cards)

      Now, after I got a job, we got a joint account and always deposit a percentage of our salaries into that account (now that's both our money for running the house) the rest of his is his and mine is mine to do as I please, no questions asked.

      Still tease him with that saying tho but I don't practice it at all.

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    2. Have y'all noticed that one of the clues most women who sent in their chronicles about their cheating husband always have is through their husband's finances? Make una dey try get sense, everything no be to come online dey try sound woke.

      Most men want you to keep your eyes off their money not only for respect sake, but also so you don't notice when they start spending on external pussies. Because if you do know you would ask him who he sent such money to when he pays for a side chic's flight ticket and hotel room fee or things like that.

      This is not so you turn FBI on him in order to make him stop cheating o, it's to know and get signs on time of when he has started spending on other women so you can start your own exit plans on time too or at least to start using a condom with him.

      I'm not saying you all must be like this o, but I'm while you arw trying to be selfish with 'your money', also know that doing things together with you 'partner' most times helps to keep both of you in check.

      Wisdom they say, is profitable to direct.

      Delete
  13. Men must have sense

    Stop looking for what isn't lost

    Stop hating peace

    Sotey amaka don enter matter

    Men using hand to gather problems since 1805

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  14. I like that paragraph "my money is mine" and hers is hers.... Some people think having a joint account means your marriage is working. Fact.. Joint account doesn't work for every married couple. As long as I meet all my financial obligations, how I spend my money is not my spouses business. If I am irresponsible with my money, then I stand open to be corrected in love!

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    Replies
    1. Yet we wonder how some married men keep another family with another woman well funded for years without the wife knowing.. Because ofcourse, 'how he spends his money is not his spouses business'.

      Or she we talk about the women who through noticing the unaccountable expenses from their husbands end were able to discover he's cheating on time and was able to save themselves from numerous STDs? Well, what ever rocks your boat my dear but just know this your concept is one a cheating husband would so love about you.

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  15. I decided to read today's own and I loved it!

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  16. This is really educative for me. Oga thanchu

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  17. Aunty Stella ooo, can I make a suggestion for post in this series and other future series? Can you add a link to the previous chronicles after each new chronicle? I missed chronicles 2 and 3 and would have to look through all the blog posting just to find them. Other then that, I’m really enjoying this series.

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    Replies
    1. I agree with you anon 16:15. Keeping my fingers crossed that SDK will agree to your suggestions.

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    2. Couldn't agree less. Like it's done for TV series episodes. "Last time on Chronicles of a Married Man"

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  18. Hmmmm.... Quite educative and entertaining.... Well-

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  19. This isn’t sound marital financial advice, at least won’t work in the west. If after giving your portion, your money is your money and you are free to do as you wish with it, how about her body? Or if she makes more? She is free to give her body to as many men as she wishes as long as you are being satisfied. No offense, as much as I actually enjoy the flow of this write up, it’s not marital counsel so fun with it at your peril. No wonder some Naija rich guys keep their mistress in the same apartment complex as their wives and children in the big cities here and the wife is the last to know. Marriage is about 2 becoming 1 in everything but to each his own. I have been happily married for about 28 years and I agree with all but 2 of his opinions. Never discuss your quarrel or issues with outsiders including your parents. I agree but ex-s can come back to haunt as in “Okafor’s law” so keeping mute may be expedient but is it the best in the long run? These are just my own opinions. You are an articulate writer. Keep it up๐Ÿ‘๐Ÿฝ

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  20. Still find this column boring.

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  21. “ I meant follow it at your own peril”

    ReplyDelete

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