Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicles Of A Married Man - 7

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Sunday, January 10, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 7

About three months into the marriage while I was in the office my wife called me. She said “Honey ooo, the result came out, its positive”. All I could say was “Wow! This is wonderful news”. Of course, she was pregnant.







Prior to that time, she was feeling sick and we thought it was due to the much alcohol she took the previous weekend, we were trying out some new “roots” alcohol I just got from Sapele. Yea, she started drinking after we got married, talk of bad marital influence.

That call started my journey into child bearing. That call changed our lives forever. I thought I was well prepared for marriage. I have read all I could about marriage, studied Kamasutra, religious and secular books and every book I could find about women; I even had life experiences from the numerous girls I have previously dated; but nothing prepared me for childbearing.


That first pregnancy really showed how unprepared I was in the area of childbearing talk less of managing a pregnant woman at home. My wife is that case of the drama-filled pregnant woman, she practically vomited for the whole first trimester, loss more than half her body weight and wasn’t even able to stand up for days, her stomach couldn’t keep any food; the hospitals couldn’t even do anything as she was told to just endure that she would be fine.



I really wanted to get the whole pregnancy experience so I didn’t go for any external or offshore work throughout the whole period; even when her mother requested that I send her back for her to take care of her daughter, I refused. I learnt a lot from that pregnancy and how woman could be emotionally unstable and the funny cravings that can have during that time. I would encourage men to be wise and tread cautiously with these “daughters of eve” during these pregnancy periods. 


Men need lots of patience and a good dose of understanding in dealing with them during this period.

Though some woman can be mischievous like my wife. She believes the times of pregnancy are the period she gets the most care and love. So, she dey maximize am wella… you will hear statement like “Honey oooo…I wan eat two-year-six months old dog brochus!” What can the son of man do? So me I just do the best I can and I use “old man wisdom” to settle the rest.

So, the big question is: why does child bearing cause major hassles in marriage today? The answer could be one of the following. Not working together as a couple, listening and caving in to family pressure, inability to balance career with child bearing for women, lack of money and proper planning for child bearing. The funny things is before some couples even settle down to the realities of marriage, booom! Pregnancy has arrived, so most couples are not well prepared for the first pregnancy.

As usual, let me raise some few points about childbearing in marriages from my own perspective.

Firstly, I see young couples and even unmarried people saying words like “we want to enjoy ourselves after we marry before having babies”, “I am not ready for children yet”, “I can’t leave my career now to have children”. Yea, yea…I know.

 It’s your life, your choice, your decision and it’s you that will take care of the children. But always remember that the children are not yours to give; that’s how some woman became TTC today. And also remember that there’s time limitation and your ability to bear children diminishes as the marriage go on. In my opinion, after marriage, start to fire dey go until you reach your target.

Secondly, this is a no-brainer. Always give birth to the number of children you can afford. As for me I can afford to have four children and that’s what I am getting. I have always wanted a large family and my wife supports me. However always remember that times have changed. My wife had to forgo her career for a while to raise children and I have always supported her in catering for the house chore and taking care of the children when I am around and also getting her some help. Also, for people bearing more children always remember that children are expensive and good children takes time and money to raise.


Thirdly, guys…guys we can do better if we choose to. The woman is not just a child-making machine. Always consider for her too. Remember that as she bears children, her body physiology changes, she becomes fatter and older. Help her to look good and get her body back in shape, learn to space the children and do family planning…it is important. Always support your wife and respect her opinions on child bearing. Afterall, she is the one taking the most risk.


Fourthly, if you have medically determined that you can’t have children. Try adopting if you really want children. It doesn’t stop you from faithing and believing God for a miracle. Adopting a child reduces that pressure from family and friends, and also gives you something to hold on to before you have your biological children. I have a colleague who choose the adoption route when he was already in his fifties, imagine the lost times. And men, try to shield your wife from family pressures. Also, if you know you can’t have children, tell your family. They will give you all the support and prayers instead of putting yourself under pressure.

Also, like I always say, stick with what works for you. If you like follow your pastor, social media or one medical doctor/nurse’s advice. You can imagine after my wife and I decided we were going to do family planning, the midwife advised her against it saying “just born all your children once and rest”. That was how she got pregnant and she wasn’t ready for it. In trying to abort it without my consent got her into trouble. I know you woman are getting very sophisticated these days. But still…work with your husband and do what works for both of you.

And one more, there’s this big question about choosing between your career and child bearing for the woman. My take is this, you can’t eat your cake and have it. Sometimes you have to pick one: Career or raising a family. Only you and your husband can make that choice. That’s up to both of you to decide.

Finally, the so-called “Hebrew” woman birth where the woman must not deliver through CS has led to many deaths. Guys, if your wife can’t give birth through the natural means, just do the needful. Let’s stop putting the women’s life at risk. My wife has had two CS and even lost a child, I know the feeling…

As for the “womb watchers” and “baby-sex-determiners”, can we please breath!

PS: You can’t be a TTC couple and be fighting every day, no baby wants to come to a home where there is no peace. And also remember, it’s not in the numbers of fucks, it’s God that give babies.

Caio!




*Hahahahahahahaha @number of fucks...tell them!

37 comments:

  1. Nice write-up. Really enjoy reading Althrough. More wisdom to you Sir.

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  2. Lovely write up. This column is interesting.

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    Replies
    1. I agree with all except two points: 1 if you wait for a year to conceive it’s not too bad. If God said you have to try for one year then two years wait in total it’s not to bad. Who will conceive will conceive. Number 2 point: you have to choose between career and babies. Big fat lie you can have both: My mother did it, my grandmother too, my sister did and I will do it too. Thank you.

      Delete
  3. Come and see husband material

    1 million yards

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  4. Oga well done for this write up, it is really eye opening.
    We women nq God go help us

    ReplyDelete
  5. Very few men prepare for marriage
    Marriage is not by domineering attitude, aggression and violence

    It is not by manipulation or craftiness

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Definitely my husband is not ready for marriage because you described him with all the features you listed up there

      Delete
  6. I wonder why some married women commit abortion.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lack of mental/emotional support during previous pregnancies , stress from husband, failed/ineffective family planning

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    2. The one I know that committed so many times,is now longing for a child.Do family planning,mba...be faithful to your husband mba! She has three grown kids sha but wants baby of the house that refused to come.

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    3. Anon,and you are still with him or are you financially incapable? Please quit that marriage!

      Delete
  7. Kudos Mr writer.
    You killed it 👍

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  8. My favourite column now! I kept waitimg and waiting for Sunday to come, kai!

    I love this column and also Mrs. Dee!

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  9. This is an interesting read.
    Apt.

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  10. The suspense don dey too much who be amaka tell us that one first no continuity

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    Replies
    1. I love the suspense

      Who is amaka nau and what caused the grouse between you and fil?

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  11. How I wish my husband has the same wisdom you have. My pregnancies were lonely. the only thing I could eat when I was sick he refused to pay for it and will complain about every little thing. Post pregnancy another stress. I cry tire eh. I thank God for strength.

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    Replies
    1. Please have the number you can cater for before you lose yourself. Some men are just so selfish.

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    2. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗

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  12. Interesting read, more Grace.

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  13. You gave some very important pieces of advice today, especially to the men on handling pregnant women.
    We need all the care and love we can get from the men that filled our tummies with babies. 😁😁
    But let me say that the bad choices you and your wife made are quite baffling. Like excessive consumption
    of alcohol to the point of possible illness? This in itself can hinder conception, disfigure the baby or lead to
    outright irresponsible behaviors that can truncate any marital journey. 😮😮😮
    And you know what stupefies me the more? You presented you and your wife as believers in Christ of the "Redeemed extraction"
    That is not the character of Christ at all, or is it? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

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  14. That was how i told hubbymi i want us to wait for a year before trying for a baby,cos i want to gbensh in every corner of the house in peace,two month later fiam,belle show.

    Beautiful write up👌👌👌

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  15. May God Bless your home and may your marriage be heaven on earth .
    You write so well and you're very realistic and apt.

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  16. I love this column. What an interesting read...

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  17. Oga chronicle. Who is Amaka? We never forget. You said you will tell us today. Oya talk. My ear dey scratch me.

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  18. I do house chores more while pregnant... Don't just know why!
    To raise kids no be moimoi,sometimes I feel like running away mehn.
    I really feel for those TTC,experienced just a mini of it(2months),chai I wan die.
    Thank you Jesus, baby dust to TTC mothers... Your testimonies shall be heard.

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  19. I have enjoyed every read. Thanks!

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  20. We don't have to choose between raising a family and our career.We can have it all with good family support.

    ReplyDelete

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