Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

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STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A MARRIAGE TO BE AFFECTED BY TRIBAL DISCRIMINATION


My greetings to Stella and bvs. Early last year, I came out of a messy breakup and I have been friends with different guys after the end of my previous relationship. After studying their values, morals, beliefs and characters, I decided to be committed with one man. I'm Yoruba and he's from Okposi, Ebonyi state ( I once came here to ask some bvs about men in this state and I got positive responses). He's 34 yrs old while I'm 28.


I was friends with him for more than 10 months and he started asking me to be his wife jokingly few months after. We met during our post graduate studies. He proposed on our first hang out without a ring tho ( he is about 35 yrs old that doesn't believe in public ring proposal paparazzi while I on the other hand have worn a proposal ring before and d relationship still crashed). 

I did not even encourage him giving me a ring when some of his people started bringing it up for him to give me cos according to them, I'm too pretty and any other guy out there can woo me over. Well, I told him I wouldn't wear his ring for more than 6 months if he decided to buy it. That was how we ended the ring issue.


When he told his parents and family members about his choice, 95% flared up as expected and kicked against it. He had sleepless nights and lost his appetite on this issue before and during the battle. He fought for me and was ready to stick to me even if they don't succumb. It wasn't easy and I knew that moment that it won't be easy too from my own side.


Why a Yoruba girl despite the numerous fine ladies in Ebonyi states? Why did he choose to go that far to finally pick a wife despite the numerous women "they" matched-made him with? All these were questions thrown to him. But down deep in my heart, I know he chose the best and unfortunately the best for him is from a different tribe. 

I said this because while we were still friends ( even though he was already giving me green light), he told me severally of his intentions to make big money before he could convince a girl like me to like him and accept his proposal and to shut every form of oppositions from his side. He would send me pictures of other ladies that wanted him and his people's preferred choices , but according to him then, he would tell me I ticked almost all his boxes of his ideal wife, he would call me his number one, his treasure and I would laugh over it.

 I never showed any iota of jealousy nor see those pretty babes as a threat cos I never saw myself loving him let alone date him. I just liked him as a friend. We spent the previous months to know each other, it was and still so easy for us to talk for hours without getting tired. We noticed we share the same values and ideas of a happy home. We agree on many things and we hardly have contrary opinions except issues that come out due to the fact that we grew up in different backgrounds and environments. Even before he officially asked me out, I saw him as someone of high moral standard and if I could overlook the tribe, igbotic accent and looks, I'll be very happy with him.


I had many suitors then and I prayed seriously for God's guidance. He was the last man on my mind to accept his proposal but we just happened. Nobody saw it coming( we still talk about it till date). He's matured, smart, intelligent, wise, hardworking, bold, speaks good English but has an igbotic accent ( no offence tho). He schooled in the East but came to Lagos to seek greener pastures and for his PG studies ( where we met). Our communication level is top notch, he makes me laugh, and it's obvious he loves me more( he says this too by saying he even wants to love me more) cos I'm just growing to love him.

 I have grown fond of him already. He adores me, treats me like a queen, he takes care of me ( I have my own money) but he still goes out of his way to give and buy stuff for me. He made promises of me waking each day to see another dimension of him loving me. He has been living up to his words. I'm a very tall, slim, dark-skinned lady with a pretty face and of a truth he's not my ideal spec in a man physically but who he is on the inside has even made me forget the spec thing. He's not bad looking at all; cos his Igbo female friends and some of his mum's friend in their state rush him on marriage matter to either marry them, their daughters or close relatives. I wouldn't want to compare him with my exes as no one is perfect but this man has been the best man so far. I've dated some fine young men from my and other tribes that they were scum.


He succeeded making his mum,some of his brothers and sisters, his big aunt to agree to his choice and I've spoken to mama thrice over the phone. She's a good, and nice woman. She has accepted me already, calls me her daughter and even gave me a pet name ( as he is her last son)


Now the issue here is my own people. He already spoke with my mom( on his request). I was comfortable doing so because she do tell me any good man from any tribe is welcomed but unfortunately her mind was recently poisoned by my elder sister ( who my mum listens to) just because her Igbo co-tenants are not nice people. 

My mum that already accepted this man started telling me of recent that she now wants a Yoruba man. I made her see reasons to accept my choice but she will counter me by pointing out the language barrier, distance, the supposed hatred between Yorubas and Igbos, how Igbos are known to be violent, their extreme love for money and what our extended family will say, as I would be the first, from both my maternal and paternal sides to marry a non-Yoruba. 

This has also been my greatest fears as I don't know what the people that matters in the family would say if I introduce him to them. My uncles, aunts, big cousins are very conservative people. Some of them can be judgmental even though they are very educated and rich, but I fear them rejecting my choice and watering down my spirit with their opinions.


I thought going through my "understanding" mother would be easier but as it is now, the person I rely on to convince other members of my family won't stop telling me each time we talk that she wants a Yoruba man. My mum is a soft individual while I'm on the rigid and hard side. This has put a strain on our communication cos my heart always sink whenever she brings up that talk and I won't have the choice but to end that conversation.


Please, has anyone been in my shoes before? How can I go about overcoming this issue from my own side as he has done justice to his own side? Please I need advice on how best to handle this matter without hurting any party and without choosing one party over the other. I'm a very liberal person that accommodate differences in tribe, race and religion. What matters to me about the friends I keep is who they are on the inside. I guess this orientation of mine made me not to see tribe and language differences as a big issue in my choice of a life partner.

 He wants to marry me latest by December as we have started working towards it. I love my family so much and I don't want to lose this good guy. Please I need practical suggestions and advice. Thanks so much.

ha!!!...this is serious.

Maybe you should wait a few months and tell them you are pregnant. I really dont know, lets read the comments.