Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

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Wednesday, February 10, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative.....

Hmmmmm.......











STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

A MARRIAGE TO BE AFFECTED BY TRIBAL DISCRIMINATION


My greetings to Stella and bvs. Early last year, I came out of a messy breakup and I have been friends with different guys after the end of my previous relationship. After studying their values, morals, beliefs and characters, I decided to be committed with one man. I'm Yoruba and he's from Okposi, Ebonyi state ( I once came here to ask some bvs about men in this state and I got positive responses). He's 34 yrs old while I'm 28.


I was friends with him for more than 10 months and he started asking me to be his wife jokingly few months after. We met during our post graduate studies. He proposed on our first hang out without a ring tho ( he is about 35 yrs old that doesn't believe in public ring proposal paparazzi while I on the other hand have worn a proposal ring before 
and d relationship still crashed). 


I did not even encourage him giving me a ring when some of his people started bringing it up for him to give me cos according to them, I'm too pretty and any other guy out there can woo me over. Well, I told him I wouldn't wear his ring for more than 6 months if he decided to buy it. That was how we ended the ring issue.


When he told his parents 
and family members about his choice, 95% flared up as expected and kicked against it. He had sleepless nights and lost his appetite on this issue before and during the battle. He fought for me and was ready to stick to me even if they don't succumb. It wasn't easy and I knew that moment that it won't be easy too from my own side.


Why a Yoruba girl despite the numerous fine ladies in Ebonyi states? Why did he choose to go that far to finally pick a wife despite the numerous women "they" matched-made him with? All these were questions thrown to him. But down deep in my heart, I know he chose the best and unfortunately the best for him is from a different tribe. 


I said this because while we were still friends ( even though he was already giving me green light), he told me severally of his intentions to make big money before he could convince a girl like me to like him and accept his proposal and to shut every form of oppositions from his side. He would send me pictures of other ladies that wanted him and his people's preferred choices , but according to him then, he would tell me I ticked almost all his boxes of his ideal wife, he would call me his number one, his treasure and I would laugh over it.


 I never showed any iota of jealousy nor see those pretty babes as a threat cos I never saw myself loving him let alone date him. I just liked him as a friend. We spent the previous months to know each other, it was and still so easy for us to talk for hours without getting tired. We noticed we share the same values and ideas of a happy home. We agree on many things and we hardly have contrary opinions except issues that come out due to the fact that we grew up in different backgrounds and environments. Even before he officially asked me out, I saw him as someone of high moral standard and if I could overlook the tribe, igbotic accent and looks, I'll be very happy with him.


I had many suitors then and I prayed seriously for God's guidance. He was the last man on my mind to accept his proposal but we just happened. Nobody saw it coming( we still talk about it till date). He's matured, smart, intelligent, wise, hardworking, bold, speaks good English but has an igbotic accent ( no offence tho). He schooled in the East but came to Lagos to seek greener pastures 
and for his PG studies ( where we met). Our communication level is top notch, he makes me laugh, and it's obvious he loves me more( he says this too by saying he even wants to love me more) cos I'm just growing to love him.


 I have grown fond of him already. He adores me, treats me like a queen, he takes care of me ( I have my own money) but he still goes out of his way to give and buy stuff for me. He made promises of me waking each day to see another dimension of him loving me. He has been living up to his words. I'm a very tall, slim, dark-skinned lady with a pretty face and of a truth he's not my ideal spec in a man physically but who he is on the inside has even made me forget the spec thing. He's not bad looking at all; cos his Igbo female friends and some of his mum's friend in their state rush him on marriage matter to either marry them, their daughters or close relatives. I wouldn't want to compare him with my exes as no one is perfect but this man has been the best man so far. I've dated some fine young men from my and other tribes that they were scum.


He succeeded making his mum,some of his brothers 
and sisters, his big aunt to agree to his choice and I've spoken to mama thrice over the phone. She's a good, and nice woman. She has accepted me already, calls me her daughter and even gave me a pet name ( as he is her last son)


Now the issue here is my own people. He already spoke with my mom( on his request). I was comfortable doing so because she do tell me any good man from any tribe is welcomed but unfortunately her mind was recently poisoned by my elder sister ( who my mum listens to) just because her Igbo co-tenants are not nice people. 


My mum that already accepted this man started telling me of recent that she now wants a Yoruba man. I made her see reasons to accept my choice but she will counter me by pointing out the language barrier, distance, the supposed hatred between Yorubas and Igbos, how Igbos are known to be violent, their extreme love for money and what our extended family will say, as I would be the first, from both my maternal and paternal sides to marry a non-Yoruba. 


This has also been my greatest fears as I don't know what the people that matters in the family would say if I introduce him to them. My uncles, aunts, big cousins are very conservative people. Some of them can be judgmental even though they are very educated and rich, but I fear them rejecting my choice and watering down my spirit with their opinions.


I thought going through my "understanding" mother would be easier but as it is now, the person I rely on to convince other members of my family won't stop telling me each time we talk that she wants a Yoruba man. My mum is a soft individual while I'm on the rigid and hard side. This has put a strain on our communication cos my heart always sink whenever she brings up that talk and I won't have the choice but to end that conversation.


Please, has anyone been in my shoes before? How can I go about overcoming this issue from my own side as he has done justice to his own side? Please I need advice on how best to handle this matter without hurting any party and without choosing one party over the other. I'm a very liberal person that accommodate differences in tribe, race and religion. What matters to me about the friends I keep is who they are on the inside. I guess this orientation of mine made me not to see tribe 
and language differences as a big issue in my choice of a life partner.


 He wants to marry me latest by December as we have started working towards it. I love my family so much and I don't want to lose this good guy. Please I need practical suggestions and advice. Thanks so much.




ha!!!...this is serious.
Maybe you should wait a few months and tell them you are pregnant. I really dont know, lets read the comments.

72 comments:

  1. Hard pill to swallow. Try and convince your family just as he convinced his to make them love you. Tell your mum all the good things he wants for you, and let your sis know that is who you want and she should stop meddling. We have good and bad people across every tribe. I remember when I used to be scared I won't be accepted by le boo family cause I am a northerner and they are from anambra but they proved me wrong. Love knows no boundaries

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I feel your love for this guy is too lowwwwwwww
      If you can free him please do, since you are pretty you will easily get another ๐Ÿฅ‚

      Please don't ever mention Igbotic accent or whatever igbotic......i am sure if you hear his people call you Omo Yoruba will feel cold and segregated.

      It's unfortunate we have multiple language in Nigeria I wish we have 1 way of communication

      Delete
    2. Lily, na wa oooh.... But she said NO OFFENSE nah??

      Delete
    3. I don't see her saying igbotic. Depends on how the guy takes it or how she says it. It can be a term of endearment or something she uses to tease him or a slight quirk she finds cute

      Delete
    4. Igbotic accent and looks just like Yoruba accent and looks.

      Very derogatory comment.

      Native English-speakers will also hear your speech as 'Nigerian accent'.

      French accent
      Italian accent
      Indian accent

      Culture and language influence looks and accent.

      Delete
    5. Lily, so being pretty is a yardstick to quickly get another serious suitor okwaya

      Delete
    6. Nne for the love ok. Ur old aunty and ur mom don live their lives oo. This is urs. Try find way to convince dem or worst tell them u are pregnant. Dem no get choice but to gree.

      Good men are hard to come by oo.

      Delete
    7. As I am getting older, I AM UNDERSTANDING CERTAIN things, if your spouse's family dont like you, you go hear am, when you both have lived your life and naturally transition, if its the husband, wife you go hear am
      whether you choose cremation or not
      you want the burial to be in his village,
      or you want his burial to be at a private cemetary, his family and your family rejectiom will still deal with you.

      . When a woman has been married for over 55 years, blessed with kids, her husband is naturally (not jazz/ritual killing or murdered) late, and she is in her 70s now, one faily member called her a whore (in their kanguage) bcos they feel she doesnt look sober enouugh, from there they wanted to make her go through hell, but for the first daughter who spoke up.

      I now see how some advices come from a place of 'experience', 'protection and love' I work in HR and I have seen things, things that broke my heart bcos family didnt like the spouse

      A LOT OF NAIJA TRIBES PREFER THEIR CHILD TO MARRY OYIBO THAN MARRY FROM XYZ TRIBE

      Delete
  2. Why not fight for him the way he fought for you. I mean, you sound pretty convincing in all your glowing attributes of him to us strangers, it can't be that hard to convince your own people who you know very well.

    The heart wants what it wants, right? Your work is cut out for you, sis. Good luck!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly.

      He fought for you, It is now your turn to fight for him.

      It is your happiness that matters, don't lose a good man because of people who have reasonably lived their lives.

      Delete
    2. As I am getting older, I AM UNDERSTANDING CERTAIN things, if your spouse's family dont like you, you go hear am, when you both have lived your life and naturally transition, if its the husband, wife you go hear am
      whether you choose cremation or not
      you want the burial to be in his village,
      or you want his burial to be at a private cemetary, his family and your family rejectiom will still deal with you.

      . When a woman has been married for over 55 years, blessed with kids, her husband is naturally (not jazz/ritual killing or murdered) late, and she is in her 70s now, one faily member called her a whore (in their kanguage) bcos they feel she doesnt look sober enouugh, from there they wanted to make her go through hell, but for the first daughter who spoke up,

      I now see how some advices come from a place of experience and love. I work in HR and I have seen things

      Delete
  3. This is one of the reasons, Nigeria and the entire Africa as a whole Will never progress, Tribalism. At this day and age, matters of the heart and the happiness that comes with it, are being threatened because he or she is not from my tribe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Lemme be reading comments. Though I'm a guy, I'm on this same table. My people and their dislike for other tribes is out of this world.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Don’t throw away your happiness cause of your sister and mum. Insist on marrying him. It is better to marry a man that adores you. I met my Igbo hubby in my year 4 of my 5 year Course, my friends were all shouting what will your dad say, a yoruba chief. My dad agreed and we have been married for 22 years, unfortunately I lost my sweet mother Inlaw last year. I still miss her though.
    Make sure he isn’t a drug dealer or peddler and he is not fraudulent , the rest is enjoyment galore for you. Igbo men treasure their wives.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. God bless you for saying the truth.

      Delete
    2. Yep. Yoruba girl here looking to marry igbo man for the same reason as the last sentence u posted there. Igbo men n yoruba men are just different. Can't just explain it. It's something u have to experience to understand

      Delete
    3. Good Ibo men carry their wives like eggs. The pampering is not here o. May God bless them to continue.

      Delete
  6. Dear Poster just pray about it and if he's the one everything will eventually turn out fine

    ReplyDelete
  7. There is no easy way to navigate around this. You've dated Yoruba men and they were "scums," so what is the issue here.
    Yes, I was in this situation; not tribal differences but my people did not like my (my Savior's) choice of husband. I love my husband to be and both he and myself had made up our minds to ignore them and move on. I knew that in the long run, my people will not reject me but they did initially, if I should accept him. I did accept him, risking everything.
    When they saw that our minds were made up, they all towed behind us. But really, my love for this man and my love for Christ surpassed my love for my family and I was ready to move on. Suffice it to say that we both as believers fasted and prayed for weeks before we attained that conviction to move on. We've been married for more than 15 years. They've all seen how wrong they were.
    ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿ’•

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have been in your situation before so read carefully.i left the ibo guy that treated me and my family like mini god.My brother(younger brother begged me to marry the man cos he is a guy and knows genuine love but my parents wanted a yoruba man)i wasnt forced anyway but i listened to them and married a Yoruba person.Worst mistake of my life.Not all Yoruba men are bad but we shouldnt judge by tribe.please fight for your man.

      Delete
    2. @15:20 Since it wasn't tribe that was their problem, what was it then? Nigerian parents and rejecting their kids' spouses sha!

      Delete
    3. Personally as a yoruba babe I haven't had much luck dating yoruba guys. We just don't mix for some reason. And yoruba guys know how to be judgemental and pretend. They also take small things as such a huge deal and keep grudges. That's from my own experience with them. Other fellow yoruba have had same experience with yoruba as well so culture may be playing a part in that one. The igbo I know are more open minded n I don't feel I have to pretend to be this goody goody that I am not for fear that they may use it to judge me later.

      As for advice to Poster, I'm Dating an igbo man now n my mum used to have issues with it cus of her past experience of an igbo guy dumping her cause of family refusal. But times are different now n it is better u choose who you are more compatible with n who treats u like a queen because the dating world out there is a jungle I tell you. When u see a guy with all the qualities u listed above, u better hold on to him for dear life. Stella gave an advice which is to get pregnant, but that can go either bad or good for u. I think u should wait it out until ur about 30 when ur family sees time is no longer on your side they will be ones pushing u to sha marry whoever u want so they can get grandkids. Also I know yoruba culture teaches kids to be more compliant as opposed to igbo kids with strong head and all sorts but u will have to put your foot down for what u want. Put your big girl pants on and stand your ground or they will force you to marry someone that u will regret and divorce yrs later out of unhappiness. They r not gonna be marrying the guy, u will

      Delete
    4. There are just some yoruba girls that don't gel with yoruba men. Like me. For those Kind of girls I suggest go for a more free spirited igbo man with backbone to fight for you.

      It takes a special yoruba mindset to marry a yoruba man long term n if u don't have it, don't put urself thru a life of regrets to please parents. I would know cus I grew up in a yoruba home n dated yoruba men

      Delete
  8. Fight for what you love! Ignore those judgemental lot! Infact get pregnant for him and shut them up! But it’s also very important to do things the right way !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That get pregnant should have made sense if the guy is truly as caring and responsible as she says up there. But it has gone in the opposite for some people who ended up as single mothers

      Delete
  9. Dear poster, firstly let me say it is well with your soul.
    The tribal card ish always comes up during inter-tribal marriages, my dear, it's so draining. This is the time to sit up and pray to your God the more, while convincing your people. If indeed you both are meant for each other, it will work out well.
    But the question that begs an answer is why would your elder sis poison your mom's heart on your choice of a man, is she married yet, if no, her single status might gear her up not to support you. If she is married,then talk to her woman to woman that if she wishes you well, she should support you, shikena.
    It's well.
    So just watch and pray.

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's because you are still young that's why they are behaving that way. If you are 35 now they will give go ahead fast!
    My dad was like that, don't marry outside your tribe bla bla bla untill I clocked 35 with no husband.when another tribe came ,na so dem free me sharp sharp.
    My husband is a lovely man and I'm glad I married him.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol... parents ehn! I don’t know why they do this. It’s painful all of the time we waste seeking the things our parents want that don’t matter

      Delete
    2. That's what I said. They still have liberty to pick n choose cus she is under 30. The magic that turning 30 does ehn. They will even be the ones begging her to marry even if it is oyinbo sha just marry and give grandkids

      Delete
  11. Na wa! Why are you walking on egg shells around your family? If you are really sure of this guy, you are going to have to put your foot down.

    When my hubby met my family, every one except my mum had their reservations about him, but i told them he was the one i wanted.

    I married from a different tribe too, my folks were going on and on about how people from that tribe behave plus a thousand and one other reasons they give. The only one that gave her support was my mum, i was surprised because my mum rejected enough suitors on my behalf and she can find fault eh.

    So you going to make your folks see reason okay, you are big girl. Goodluck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yoruba households are very strict from my own experience. The kind of mental shackles yoruba parents can place on kids from young ehn. U will see a grown man doing like mumu in front of his parents. So I get her point. I think her own best bet is to subtly fight back so they won't have a choice. One such tactic is to wait til she's in her 30s. Another is to get pregnant. Another would be to arrange with one pastor saying that the igbo guy is her destined husband. It can work esp if the girl's mum na all these spirikoko

      Delete
  12. Please dear, don't marry that man ooo. Ebonyi are not friendly with outsider talk more of another tribe. This is what am facing here oo.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Please speak for yourself. That yours didn't turn out well doesn't mean hers won't turn out well. There are good and bad people everywhere. So, deal with it

      Delete
    2. Angered bird 16:10, wetin you dey vomit on my comment. Shut up,. My dear poster, after 10yrs you will remember my advice if you go on with this marriage.

      Delete
    3. 16:39
      Even the way you sound will make someone ignore your comment. 'She is angry bird?' She/he should 'shut up?'Because of a comment?
      I don't know what you are facing in your own marriage, but rinse your mouth frequently,you just may be the cause.

      Biko, I'm not the anon you are insulting. Your thoughts or oponion whatever are inconsequential to me.

      Delete
    4. Anon 15:25, I hate people who like generalising. Anon 16:10 is correct.
      There a good and bad people in every tribe. So do not commit fallacy of hasty generalisation

      Delete
    5. Anon 15:25 Speak for yourself. If you married a devil, it's in you

      Delete
    6. What ur doing is very unfair. It could actually work for her. People love stereotyping Anambra people, imo people etc as this and that as well. But the forget that people are individuals. That guy up there sounds like a responsible man. And he is willing to fight for her regardless. That's already encouraging enough considering the fact he has many eligible ladies from his tribe after him. Some guys will use family as an excuse to do away with the relationship

      Delete
  13. Dear Poster, I'd advise you to try and win your parent's approval. But you also need to understand that after all is said and done, you'd be the one left with whatever choice(s) you make (not even your mum would be there) and act based on this fact. Because the same people running comments on the fact that you went outside to marry would still run more comments when you go and marry from within (your tribe) and encounter issues. A lifetime is a long time to be miserable.#my2cents

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  14. Tribalism has always been the bane of most of the problems we are having to be bedeviled with as country today.Y'all should look for a way to sort yourselves out cos i am basically clueless at this point

    ReplyDelete
  15. Please marry him. He loves and adores you. You love him too. Don't let family stop you from being happy oo. Also pray about it.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Haaaa, I honestly don't know what to tell you.

    My own is that why do our parents do this? They don't even see it as tribalism. They have this unspoken hatred for some certain tribes.

    Sometimes this is because of what happened to one person donkey years ago and they are unwilling to let go. Others because nobody has ever married there, or hearsay.

    At this age and time, we should be worried about a person's character not tribe. The tribe is not the problem. You are only getting married to just ONE person from a tribe.

    I'm sorry. Fight will get you nowhere, so what ever you do, peace and love should guide you.

    Just continue talking to them and pray too. ✌

    ReplyDelete
  17. Haaaa, I honestly don't know what to tell you.

    My own is that why do our parents do this? They don't even see it as tribalism. They have this unspoken hatred for some certain tribes.

    Sometimes this is because of what happened to one person donkey years ago and they are unwilling to let go. Others because nobody has ever married there, or hearsay.

    At this age and time, we should be worried about a person's character not tribe. The tribe is not the problem. You are only getting married to just ONE person from a tribe.

    I'm sorry. Fight will get you nowhere, so what ever you do, peace and love should guide you.

    Just continue talking to them and pray too. ✌

    ReplyDelete
  18. I think that pregnant thing will help thats if you really want the guy

    ReplyDelete
  19. December is enough time for shift in opinion and tags. Your mother should be made to understand that the character of your sister's co tenants can not be used to judge a whole tribe. You can let equally let your mother know that the few bad folks from your tribe can not be used as character judgement for all Yorubas.

    People understand explanations and illustrations very well if they are used as example. Ask your mother if all the marriages in Yoruba land are devoid of problems? That if she will be happy you marry anyone from your tribe and it does not end well or you marry this Igbo man and have lasting happiness?

    Your sister that is against your happiness, is she going to live with you? Does she think the whole family and extended were happy with her choice of man in the case she's married? Or will be in the case she's not?

    If this Igbo man were to be a black American, would your educated and rich uncles, aunts and cousins reject him on account that he will be the first non Yoruba to marry in the whole family?

    Keep keeping calm. Ending the calls with your mother will not change her mind but your convincing words to see reasons with you will

    Good luck.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Go and seek the face of God. All this qualities you named are good. But is it God’s will for you? Sometimes when things are not going your way, learn to look within. The Lord might want you to see something. Be patient and go approach your father and tell him how you feel. So long as you have spoken to God about it, then have faith. But wait in prayers as well. I wish you well.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Poster this is really a tough one!! And this is one of the perks of being a Nigerian!! Your parents are just letting you know their fears but don't make their fears be your own reality! Your parents have lived their lives and it is time to live yours! From your write-up, you have a good man who is ready to be with you and beside you to go forth on this journey! While it is in his place to fight for you since he has seen good qualities in you! You have to let your mother know your stand in a polite way - Buy her gifts, take her out to a nice eatery, gist with her like your friend, laugh with her..Tell her you know her fears but the tribe does not make an individual; tell her his character is different from other Igbos she had encounters with and how much you love this man! then let her be because I know deep down she knows that this is what you want! Look for any Uncle or Family Friend that your mom respects who is liberal in the way he sees life - if she still does not bulge. Any aunty, uncle and cousins who may have differing opinions leave them out of this..Just your parents are enough for you, if you keep hearing other people's opinions; my dear you will just develop a cold feet..Provided you have accepted and both of you have agreed in being in this marriage together with the help of God..Then you are good to go..Once his family finally meets your family, I believe everything will end up in praise!! Don't worry it will be fine..Just hand over everything to God - No spirit of fear but of love, power and a sound mind, Pray and ask for his will to be done..I can't wait to hear an update about how your wedding went..All the best...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Dear Phoenix, I like the way you write but I just want you to make a little adjustment.

      Break up your write up in paragraphs. Do this by hitting the enter key twice (if you are using a computer) or hit the arrow at the lower right of your phone keypad.

      It will make reading your write ups inviting.

      Thanks.

      Delete
    2. #EndSWAT #Endpolicebrutality Phoenix11 February 2021 at 08:54

      Oh noted Jechix. Thank you and I ll adjust.

      Delete
  22. Intertribal marriage is is always like this..
    You are not the first, you will not be the last.
    If you are convinced, then visit your people that matter and try convincing them to believe that your choice is the best.

    ReplyDelete
  23. This is the point you will have to prove your love for him. Stand by what you want and watch your family come around to agree with everything. Pray about this, God will handle it but you also gave your part to play.

    My mum didn't also agree to my choice at first, I told her it's either him or no one! She saw the seriousness and willingness in me, no one told her to agree. The rest is history today. She even told me some time ago that she's glad I didn't listen to her seeing how God has blessed us and is making us glow. Na God!

    Babe, this is not the time to be weak or sorry, if you're sure he's the one for you, you'll have to take some funny decisions that will make even your mum know that things are different. Good luck to you.

    ReplyDelete
  24. ** deep breathe** This is serious. but i think dear poster that you should fight for him like he fought for you and is still fighting for you (i believe). if you can win your immediate family over then you win, forget about the aunties and uncles and big cousins. your happiness should matter most to you and if this man gives you happiness what else? pray God soften the heart of your people and help them accept him. it's just a matter of time they'll come around give them time while you also make them see reasons with you. I'm also Yoruba (single though lol) but my family accepts everybody and anybody ( i have sisters and brothers who married from different states IMO, ENUGUN, ABIA,DELTA EVEN NON NIGERIANS) provided you are okay and you love the person, and the person is responsible and has something doing to take care of his family. they just back you up with prayers. MAY GOD ALMIGHTY SEE YOU THROUGH. AMEN. e-hugs.

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  25. I don't understand it to be honest. The truth is being born into a country with different tribes should make for a richer cultural and national experience, but unfortunately ppl just decide to stay low vibrational in life and instead of seeing beauty in each other they see evil.

    He fought for you and his people came around, you will have to do the same for him. A house cannot be divided. You must be a team and be strong together or your marriage will not stand the test of time. So stand for him as he stood for you and once everyone knows you cannot be divided or pitted against each other then they will have to leave you both alone. Never allow anyone the opportunity to squeeze in and put a wedge between you too. Your relationship should always be a protected zone to every outsider no matter who they are.

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  26. Fight for your love hun,but that your sister self๐Ÿ™„

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  27. Pray my dear! Pray oooo,it is very necessary you do so.I am engaged to a person from another tribe. The fear you just shared was what I had to. But I prayed and the first day my mum saw him she fell in love totally with him,same as my relatives. I can't even explain how this happened. One thing I know is prayer works as long as its God's will for u.

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  28. Pray hard for God to touch their hearts, convince your mum in the best way you can. FIGHT FOR YOUR MAN LIKE HE FOUGHT FOR YOU. The ball is your court.I wish you all the best.

    ReplyDelete
  29. This was my story 19 years ago. In short, I got pregnant and informed them when I was 6 months gone. My parents had no choice than to let me go. My father never regarded my hubby for the first 6 years of our marriage but as time goes by they regarded him as their best son- in- law.

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    Replies
    1. Just imagine

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    2. 6 years! I'm sorry but that is so immature.

      Delete
    3. Dad was probably disappointed in both of them. He knocked her up before he married her. Thank God things turned out well. Thank God.

      Delete
  30. My dear, I faced a similar thing, we both igbo, just that my family didn't approve my hubby, they kicked against it aggressively, my dad went as far as knacking hand for ground that I will marry him when he is dead, not when he is alive. At a point I got tired. I went to God in prayer i told him, if this man is my husband please settle this matter.God did it and today am in my husband's house.

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  31. If your parents are against it, don't go ahead. Take this advice very serious. Your people are saying no, his people are saying no but the two of you are using your coconut heads.

    Why didn't you guys hint your different families while dating and getting to know each other?

    Consider your unborn children dear. Your people might finally come around but Hus people will never, not genuinely even if they pretend to agree and your children will suffer for the hatred.

    A word is enough for the wise.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Hmmmm me that is dating an oyibo guy, I have not even told my parents haha. Nigerian parents eh. Inter-state problem. Intertribal, no. Interracial mba. They don't even understand that with high rates of young people moving and migrating, our dating pool becomes really small if we keep looking for same tribe, but becomes large when we are open to other tribes/races. If Nigeria was developed we will all be in our states, live there, work there and marry who you want there. But as the world is, it won't happen as it happened for them in their generation.

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  33. Poster why don't you give your mum a little time to get to know your man better and that may change her mind.

    You have the main work to do since is your mum who hasn't come in terms with your man, give her some more time she will finally accept him.

    No tribe is a Saint, since you and your man are good to go take all to God in prayers on an agreement ground with your man. Las las your more will accept him.

    ReplyDelete
  34. You should've been working on your people while he was working on his. Well, as it is now, just be telling your mom how much his own people too rejected you and how you felt, how he fought for you and all that. Keep telling them, stories of how much love he has shown you. tell them to trust your judgement. Tell them you've prayed and approached God concerning this and believe he is what God wants for you. Your mama go gree

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  35. I wonder how people can’t convince their close family members though! I can tell my dad and sis anything to change their mind, it’s d approach dear ! When she talks about it don’t end the matter , let her know u like him ans people are different abs what if u no see husband in the next 6 years nko, she’s your mother! Sit here down and talk to her

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  36. I’m sorry to say this but poster, if that guy was my brother, I would ask him not to marry you.
    What do you mean by Igbotic accent?

    So your tribe doesn’t have their own accent? And you mentioned it not once but twice or even more. You are not doing him a favour by marrying him okay.
    I wish he could see how you keep hammering on his accent.

    Please leave him for someone who would be genuinely tickled by his so-called Igbotic accent. And no one here could see through you and deem it fit to call you out for your derogatory comments?

    I hope you won’t be the type to marry an Igbo man but end up making sure your kids never have anything to do with Igbo culture, accent or people as is common with women from your side.
    When they marry Igbo men, they totally alienate the children from the Igbo culture and side of family to the extent that one would think both parents are non-Igbo.

    This attitude of yours unknown you and many others is the main reason why a lot of Igbo families kick against their son marrying a non-Igbo Nigerian especially from the South west. They would rather prefer an Oyibo women to a non-Igbo Nigerian woman as Oyibo women married to Igbo men are usually happy to learn and be a part of the culture and even spend Christmas holidays in the East.
    Even an European woman married to an Igbo man will not be going up and down about “Igbotic accent”.

    Incase you are not aware, it’s offensive. Please stop it.
    It will make more sense for you to wait for someone from your region with a non-Igbotic accent. This is my genuine advice.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Gbam! Because when the Euphoric feeling don die down, you might start getting really irritated by his Igbotic accent. I’m also yoruba and to be honest I don’t see myself marrying a man with a very thick Igbo accent. Some pronunciations ehn.. I’m just like I no fit oo. Dated my Igbo ex for 4yrs with no Igbo accent (grew up in Lagos) but still didn’t end up with him due to our differences. Poster what do you really want in a marriage?? What are your deal breakers (the ones you can never compromise on) and take it from there. I don’t know if you’re ready to marry this man. Gba adura dada ooo hmmm. Good luck.

      Delete
  37. My dear fight for your love, if na oyibo you bring now Dem no go complain.

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  38. Dear poster, if you are reading this I pray that the God that did it for me will do it for you at his own time.
    I was in this situation in 2016 Igbo girl from Anambra. Ada for that matter , I took it to God in prayers. The battle wasn’t a small one , because I will also be the first marrying a yoruba man in my entire family, extended ooooo infact even linage sef.

    When God settled the WAR was in 2018. I won’t lie to you,I lost hope, weight, my sanity, peace of mind. I know what I wanted because I had a dream and several warnings regarding my life partner. Today, I am happy I chose right and God intervened. Just so that you know,my Mumcy who fought me like I am the devil praises my yoruba Husband in front of everyone now. He was looked down on but today it’s a different story.
    If this man is God’s will for you,fight for it and invite him as a the foundation in your relationship. This marriage na long journey,you can’t afford to be on a journey with a destiny killer.

    God bless you as you wait upon him.

    ReplyDelete
  39. Thank you all for your inputs and contributions. God bless you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I cant see my comments, anyway poster be ready for what you want to put yourself through.

      As I am getting older, I AM UNDERSTANDING CERTAIN things, if your spouse's family dont like you, you go hear am, when you both have lived your life and naturally transition, if its the husband, wife you go hear am
      whether you choose cremation or not
      you want the burial to be in his village,
      or you want his burial to be at a private cemetary, his family and your family rejectiom will still deal with you.

      . When a woman has been married for over 55 years, blessed with kids, her husband is naturally (not jazz/ritual killing or murdered) late, and she is in her 70s now, one faily member called her a whore (in their kanguage) bcos they feel she doesnt look sober enouugh, from there they wanted to make her go through hell, but for the first daughter who spoke up,

      I now see how some advices come from a place of experience and love. I work in HR and I have seen things that brings tears to my eyes

      Delete

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