Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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Wednesday, February 17, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmmmm....






STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

FAMILY ISSUE



Stella, please I need your and other BV's advice.


 I moved to the US on a visitor's visa in 2017. I was 25 years old then. My parents contributed nothing towards my trip because they had no money. I had to raise my flight fee via Gofundme. I stayed back after the event I came for, got a job in a factory and was helping my family in Nigeria while trying to save money for my papers.


 I had a fully equipped computer business center in Nigeria that I handed to my family and paid 1 year plus 6 months rent for the center. Fortunately for me, I got my papers in 2018 and started working. I was paying my parent's rent, sibling's school fees and my father's medical bill. 


My family never allowed me save anything for myself. My mother's friend who was in need asked to help get someone to buy her land. I had some money saved up and bought the land from her. I spent close to 4 million for the land and fencing it.


 For three years all I did was send everything I was paid home to my family members who refused to do something to help.

Now, I got married here and have a baby on the way, my father especially still wants me to continue to send them money. I gave them 1.3 million naira in 2019 for a village house project but my dad still isn't satisfied. 

He has plenty of lands in the village that he is saving for my brothers and wants me to leave the land I bought in the city for them.

 Please, I am tired, worried and sick. The last thing I want as a pregnant woman is to be stressed. I am in school and only work part time because of my condition and cannot do as much as I used to do.


 Please advise me before my father kills me .



*They must have closed the Business centre ad spent all the proceeds from selling off things....Buying that land was a big mistake and it even looks like if you had developed it, they would have done anything to take it from you..

Some family members are very ungrateful and i think its time you ignore them for a while.....That Land, please sell it off fast if you can and cut contact with them until your health is stabilized.

Have you not heard of family members who return to naija to finish off house projects and are killed on their way to the airport or days before they leave.. And they make it look like armed robbery....

Please be wise....Keep the money in an account or transfer it back to yourself...stop any project ongoing...

73 comments:

  1. Nne biko take Stella's advice. Some family members can be a torn on someone's flesh.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ues Stella's advice then change your no. That's how my mum called my elder sister in the US to send her money to buy gen. That one was even explaining that business was not moving cos of covid, my mum said it was not her business. Meanwhile we in the country provides everything for my mum. She now went to pack her relations and filled the house,they contribute nothing not even Soap to wash plate. She called me the other day to send money to buy gas,just told her don't have,she should meet her free loaders. This relatives are really something else.

      Delete
    2. Stella's advice is all you need and please that family is not a family. Watch your back with them! Now I have a question for people who have managed to get out of Nigeria, why do you buy land and build house(s) in Nigeria? Are you planning to retire back home or for your kids who will hardly know Nigeria? Abi it is just tto show that you have arrived?

      Delete
    3. Lord I know you are faithful
      I need advise on this family issue too

      Delete
    4. I don’t know why people abroad build houses in Nigeria, your kids might not come stay and your relatives would pray or die forgetting the house, when u travel for holiday u stay two weeks and u dey build and but house for Nigeria , I need answers like anon 16:44 too, i know one man in d U.K. that would turn off heating cos he is saving money to build house in Nigeria, meanwhile his kids would wear three jumpers abi sweater cos cold, I make yourself uncomfortable in your house cos of house in Nigeria U might not live in

      Delete
    5. I always tell people abroad to take it easy, Nigerians at home would be helping you spend your money... I wanted to create a WhatsApp group for Nigerians in diaspora at least for us to help give advice to people like you who really needs it... same thing happened to a guy, who took 250k for travelling to UK, this guy has spent 9years lying back N250k to his brother... he has literally built house for his brother, paid his nephew school fees all because he cooled 250k... Infact reply this message if you need further help on how to bounce Nigerians off your back, I am very good at telling people no for you..

      Delete
    6. DID THEY PUT GUN TO YOUR HEAD TO HELP THEM? KEEP SENDING MONEY UNTIL YOU DIE WORKING IN THE USA. STOP THE FOOLISHNESS AND CONCENTRATE ON YOUR FAMILY HERE. FOR THOSE IN NAIJA HELP THEM WHEN YOU CAN.

      Delete
  2. If you want to go far in life, cut ties with those people for now, send anything you can afford and stop calling or picking their calls. People who contribute nothing to your success are the ones always waiting for the highest proceeds, even more than you yourself




    *Larry was here*

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That’s her family for gods sake! “Cut ties with those people for now” this shows your value for family.

      Dear poster, I understand that it gets really overwhelming, please do the little you can but put yourself first.

      Your health and baby should always come first.

      Forget Stella’s advise oh! Oyibo mans mentality has occupied her head finish.

      Family is everything.

      Delete
    2. Na dem! Jules is obviously a partaker! It’s so unfair that you had to say this! So the poster should be the man while her brothers relax??? For how long? She can sell the land, so they see she’s broke and buy another elsewhere, without their knowledge.

      This life no balance. Her family members have become too lazy because she was giving them money anyhow so they thing she’s picking money from the streets. Please let’s give sensible advice.

      Delete
    3. Please once you leave this country, don't for any reason start buying land or properties in Nigeria.
      Your focus will be divided. Invest in the country you live. That shout be your main goal. Your abroad children will never come to naija to inherit anything so why waste money investing in Nigeria for relatives to inherit?

      Delete
  3. Stop bothering yourself over adults, if anything happen to you now they will only be concerned on how to share the little you have. You better face front and ignore them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have NEVER seen my parents and siblings as my responsibility. I am generous to them but I have never given them any reason to feel entitled. Whatever I give them is always highly appreciated. Why are you making such a mountain out of an ant hill? You didn't mention that they become hostile or threaten you when you don't give them.

      Your tone on this write up shows you were not cheerful while giving them the ones you already gave and that is a minus to you if you are hoping for God's blessing as a result. Nne, grow up and give only what you are happy to give and no more. As for your parents, I am sure they don't know your predicaments or how you feel about their demands. Human needs are insatiable so if you are expecting that there is a point where they won't need stuff from you, you are wrong.

      Don't forget you have no need to raise any bad blood between you and your folks because you will need them at least for emotional and psychological support at some point. Just restrict your giving to what is convenient.

      Good luck.

      Delete
    2. Key word- Grow up. Send them money if you have if not face your impending family.

      Delete
  4. Don't give to your detriment...una no dey hear.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Some family members are very wicked, ungrateful and useless. It's better you cut them off for now, give them a breathing space.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You know why you can't say no? There's a spell cast on you. Pray it away.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Poster block them ALL and ghost them.. imagine the entitlement mentality..they will so rip you off eh
    JUST PRESS THE IGNORE BUTTON

    ReplyDelete
  8. Please poster, go incommunicado on them all! Don't listen to them or send them any more money.


    Please, face your family and just remove your mind from that land that you bought, except if you have the papers with you; if not, just forget about owning anything in Nigeria.

    You have no idea what your family members are capable of doing. Just let them be!

    Face your home and take care of yourself and unborn baby.
    I wish you safe and easy delivery 🤗🎈

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree with u ma, its somehow related to my story but the good thing is I'm still in charge, I don't let whatever opinion they have get to me, in fact I block them when needed...no time for silly entitlements.

      Delete
  9. Some parents are so entitled! like you owe them the entire universe because they brought you into this world. Shioor
    Poster pls sell the Land and tell them you had money issues and the only option you had was to sell the land..
    if your parents so much want a land in the city, let them sell 1/2 lands in the village and use the proceeds to buy a land in the City! shikina
    Please take care of yourself and avoid unnecessary stress.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Try and claim to be broke And can't take care of them for six months;it's a bit difficult but the day you do it,you would realize that no one needs anyone in life before they can survive or take care of themselves..

    If you die of frustration;they will mourn you not because they love you;but because their need which you take care of ends and they have to either look for someone else or do it themselves..

    Family is sweet;but the ability of you to separate finance from "Family" is what needs to be included in life curriculum..

    We humans are usually good;until dealings involving money comes in..

    While growing;something happened and My late Grandma told me,Ma onyeoma gi egbúghi gi;onye ma gi egbúe gi;or Iheoma gi egbué gi..

    Literally meaning If your loved ones don't kill you,your friend will kill you Or your good deeds will kill you...

    Sell that land you have and keep your money..A word!

    @MARTINS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Martins 👍

      Delete
    2. Poster sell it and save it. Invest it over there in the USA biko.

      Delete
  11. Please don't let them know what you are up to. Sell that land to get another one but don't tell them.

    ReplyDelete
  12. My dear, this is common with families back home . They never stop asking and spent money recklessly because they believe people abroad make money easily. The best thing to do is to let your father know that you can continue helping them as you have a family and your health to think about.
    Your father want the land your bought because you are a woman and your property are for them not for you and your husband.
    You have to be firm in letting them know you can not continue giving and be prepared for fight because they will hate your husband too.


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This right here is one of the reasons marriages are stressed out in the Nigeria communities abroad. Both husband and wife under immense pressure to sort their respective families out financially. Sadly, most of our parents/siblings and relatives see us as their cash cows....'send me money'...'send me money' culture, especially in a country where pensions and gratuities are not paid.
      I understand that you have to help your family but don't let that entitlement SWALLOW you. You have a baby on the way and a young marriage to focus your time on.
      Talk to your family and set a boundary asap otherwise sooner or later, it will begin to affect your young family and your mental health.
      It's frustrating because they believe that you're probably picking the money on the ground. Be firm, let them know the reality of your situation abroad and how hard you work to save a $.It's damn too tough abroad and I can imagine what you must have deprived yourself of to even send $1k to your family.

      Delete
  13. Poster your story is similar to mine just that I reside here in Nigeria. I carry all the load in my family. I even did small small runs while in the university just to cater for my dad, 2 elder brothers, one elder sis and 3 younger ones. My life is always on hold for them...I got married 3 years ago and still shouldering them...it gets tiring sometimes but wetin man go do??? I have the most irresponsible siblings I swear...But the annoying part is not being appreciated!!! Just because I'm a woman. Can you believe I'm biulding a bungalow for my dad in the villa at the moment (almost done) but he hasn't told anyone that I'm the person biulding it!!! He wants to take the credit or give it to my brothers just coz I'm a woman!!! At first, I agreed he can tell people it's my brother biulding it. But when I had time to think about it, I realised how little and undervalued I am so I asked him not to tell anyone my brother was biulding it. If he can't proudly tell people his daughter is biulding it, then he should say nothing at all... long story shaa. Someday, I'll send my chronicle

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even if u are giving him , put your name on the property

      Delete
  14. Poster always do the little you can for your PARENTS and leave the rest.
    Claim to be broke for a while so you can rest.
    Thank God you have parents that bothers you financially.

    Some have all the money and wish their parents were alive. They won’t be here forever, do your best, as this pleases the Lord.

    ReplyDelete
  15. You are not serious. Better tell them you have responsibilities here. Sell your land and keep your money and invest. It’s better not to leave anything in Nigeria for them to takeover. If you must send money (which you will considering you are even sending a chronicle) send them only what you can spare. Simple. All man for themselves. You have a baby on the way better wise up

    ReplyDelete
  16. My dear kindly cook up a sob story about smtin bad that you are no longer capable when it comes to finance. Disturb them DAILY to keep praying for you while you take that tym to build urself. U have a child now to take care of. And lest I forget tell them to sell the land and send u so u can pay ur rent and hospital bills and see them back away, disturb ur father most especially.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You should tell them that you are managing too. If you know what you can afford to send to them, do that. Be firm and stand your ground.

    ReplyDelete
  18. As much as this might sound cruel to some people,once you are married,your priority should be your immediate family.You are only obligated to take care of your immediate family and can get in trouble if you don’t,the care of every other person is a privilege and you need to keep it at that.I will do my best for my parents but won’t kill myself or allow it affect my wife and kids.

    ReplyDelete
  19. If you can afford it leave the land for them. You cant build any house under this circumstances you narrated above. Let them know that due to covid-19 your job has not been stable and you may not be able to send them anything for now.

    Stay away from them.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Sorry to say madam poster your people are greedy and don't have your best interest at heart. Stop sending them anything and face your new family, before they will kill you with stress. Just like what happened to my late aunty Uzo oyibo. Now she is dead. All her properties them don sitdown ontop. They couldn't even give her a befitting burial. Some families are pain in the ass.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Sell the land and covid can give you an alibi for loss of job. Some people can suck one dry.

    ReplyDelete
  22. One thing I have learned is that once you are in diaspora, never make the mistake of sending money back home, once you start, it will not end, they will keep asking for more especially when you are someone who cants say no. Pretend you still struggling and if you want to send, send little and dont agree to every demand. Your family are like blood suckers and the fact that you are a woman is what is giving your father the mind to think you dont deserve to own a property. Now that you married, its a time to focus on yourself and your family. Tell them you no longer work and dont have money. Reduce how much you give in to their demand and if possible give only once in 6 months. Make sure to save in your private account too. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Word!

      The poster's family members are even better than some families I know. Sent money home for land and a building. No land was purchased...

      I look back and shake my head.

      Delete
    2. Anon 17:52 Sorry for how your own turned out... what was your reaction after that? Seriously, I cant take it, heads will roll and they will be made to forget I existed.

      Delete
  23. Your father has lands and is keeping it for his sons but wants to drain his daughter financially. Wicked family!!! He's not planning to leave anything for his daughter o. Chai!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Very very wicked man. The least he could do is to at least free you of every unnecessary financial burden if he only has plans to pass down properties to his sons.

      Delete
  24. There comes a time in your life when you have to put a stop loss on certain financial drain pipes. This is one of them. Good luck

    ReplyDelete
  25. I was like you sending stuff for my mum n sis, oh they used me to get personal properties n gains. I was here sending dollars like I was working for the treasury. I stopped 3yrs ago n no 1 died. I blocked them sef...make them survive with rent etc

    ReplyDelete
  26. Poster I don't understand why you are building and buying land in naija a place you know you will never live in again or retire to. Why don't you use the money to buy house where you are atleast be paying mortgage. That land I'm sure doesn't exist that's why they are mounting pressure for you to dash them so that whenever you come back they will say they sold their property.

    Receive sense Own a home , business, cars before you establish anything in Nigeria

    ReplyDelete
  27. Don't abandon your parents for whatever reason. Always make sure they have money for feeding and provide extra for medicals. You owe them that regardless of what you think and what people tell you. Normally when you have parents and siblings who are not doing well, your travelling brings job to everyone.

    My people from Edo state are fantastic. Once they settle down, the next step is how to move their siblings out of Nigeria. Sometimes they arrange for their friends to travel over. In my familly six of my siblings are in the states. In my closest friend's family 8 of them are in the UK. If Nigeria is not good enough for you and you leave, please help your siblings leave here too. It won't kill you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What rubbish mentality is this . So she should kill her self for her family ? You travelling abroad DOES NOT bring job to everyone, that’s just a stupid entitlement mentality. She hustled to make a way for herself , her sibling can as well hustle themselves. If she can afford to help , sure . But she is not in anyway obliged to help Biko . Poverty and entitlement mentality will not kill some people .

      Delete
    2. Well said Alexander. Poster could it be your family id really in need and you are selfish? just asking.

      Delete
    3. 17:09 I leave you to your foolishness. I doubt you have a family. I come from a family where we care about each other and we go the extra mile to make ourselves happy. I can't in good conscience advice anyone to ignore his parents and siblings. That is just not me. The only reason there is pressure on the poster is because she is the rising star in her family. If she succeeds in moving one of her siblings the pressure will reduce. Some of you here have no conscience, so you abandon your families and expect others to do same

      Delete
    4. Thank you Alexander. You have a good heart.

      Delete
  28. Congratulations mama on your incoming bundle of joy.

    Look for a trusted non-family member to help you sell the land. I really hope you have the land papers with you. If the land papers are with your family, you will have to let to go for them.

    If you can't sell the land (due to the papers not being with you or you can't find a trusted person), give them the land. And know in your heart that it is the LAST thing that you will do for them. Anytime they call, always just respond to that na God just dey cover una shame. You don't need to use your mouth to say negative things to yourself.

    Above all, you need to toughen up and stop allowing your family to take advantage of your kind heart. It is well with you.

    ReplyDelete
  29. Poster dear, please block this family. Sell the land and buy in another location. Don't let them know. Cut them off.

    ReplyDelete
  30. Poster, if you want to know whether they are family or not, ask them to help sell the land.
    Chances are there is no land, it was never bought in your name or they will not give you that proceed.
    Try this trick and thank me later, been there, done that.
    NB: to avoid any health complications from the shock,please try this after you have had your Baby.
    Las las, your actual family Na the children when you born o

    ReplyDelete
  31. It seems like you're still bitter your family didn't contribute a dime to your studies abroad but you should forgive them on that. Like you said, the money wasn't available at the time.
    However, they have become leeches over the years and you have your life to live now. Being African, I'll advice you settle them finally however you can(not at your own expense though) and make it very clear to them that you can't kill yourself because of them. Remind them you have a family to care for now so if they can't make a living out of whatever you left, God will bear you witness that you gave it your all.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Going forward keep them out your business. If he is saving land for your brothers and you worked to own something for yourself stand up and say he'll No. You have done enough, more and enough in fact. You have a child now that is your primary financial responsibility. Let the other young ones go do for their parents and themselves.

    If you can sponsor a few to get to the US fine, but nothing more.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. if she can sponsor you said?? She only went there in 2017 and probably got her papers not too long ago? Except if she's a doctor or Nurse, I don't see how she's going to have the resources to sponsor anyone this covid year or next. The family should give her a break to settle in properly..She just married and have a baby on the way.

      Delete
    2. Be careful who you sponsor to come over lest toy sponsor a nuisance, liability or even alakoba

      Delete
  33. Anyone from age 21 to 60 can fend for themselves.

    Stop spoon-feeding adults❗
    It only makes them lazy and to enslave you.

    A righteous man leaves an inheritance for his children's children.

    What you owe your parents are monthly stipend and medicals. On special occasions like birthdays or anniversaries, you do or buy something nice that they need for them.

    Your siblings are not your responsibility❗❗❗

    They will wear you out and never allow you focus on your life and dreams.

    Speaking from experience.

    ReplyDelete
  34. Easy, peasy....poster, tell them that you still dey find work as you're still in school. Me, I learned through experience. I run a viable business here. I'm known to be very generous. But I do it on my own terms and I never allowed them know that I have a business here. To them, I still dey find work. Simple.

    ReplyDelete
  35. Poster, your parents have lived their life. You need to live yours. You need to give your child the best you can afford and that means making your child your priority. Think of what you can conveniently afford, cut it in half and send that. If they complain, block your phone. If they threaten to disown you block your ears. They will soon come round when they see you mean business. You are an adult and you need to act like one. Yes you are still their daughter but you need to show that your priorities have changed.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Sell the land and buy Bitcoin. When you don’t have physical cash will u kill your self? Pray hard, they might go fetishized against u

    ReplyDelete
  37. Block them for now or tell them u are not working for now, so that u can give then whatever u have in mind to give

    ReplyDelete
  38. The thing is, you are sending your parent the wrong signal. That is why they feel entitled to your money.

    Your parents actually think you are making a lot of money. I mean, someone wants to sell a N4 million land and you dropped the cash at once.

    In this COVID economy? If you can send 4m at once, then you have more from the purse where it came from.

    Here's what I advise:

    1. Create a budget on your salary with a specific amount you can afford every month to give to your parent. For me, it was £100 for my mum and £100 for my dad.

    2. Whatever you do, do not give more than that amount every month to your parent. If they want to help any of your siblings, they can help from the one you give to them.

    3. If they ask you for more, tell them you don't have. My parent use to ask me for loads of money (until i found out they are doing "fine barra" with the excess money i send.

    Now, I don't send more than £200 monthly for their upkeep (I also pay for their yearly rent - ).

    ReplyDelete
  39. All my three older siblings are abroad,I the last born is at home with my parents,am 45years old and single so it's a perfect arrangements for everyone as my parents are 86 and 84 years old.
    Only one of my siblings spends money home monthly, the other two sends when they can.
    I don't ask my siblings for money cos I wasn't responsible for their relocation.
    I have a 30k job I manage which is enough to take care of my basic needs.
    My mom keeps on telling my sister to send only what she can and save for her other projects.
    I wish other Nigerian families would have our mindset

    ReplyDelete
  40. The only solutions is to take at least one of your siblings to the United States so the burden would be lesson you, the money you used in buying that imaginery land you would have used part of it to send one of your siblings abroad so the burden would be less on you, na because na only you one dey der na make the weight they only your shoulders

    ReplyDelete
  41. Stop picking your father's calls

    ReplyDelete
  42. I’m more concerned that you father can’t sell the multiple lands because he is keeping them for your brothers. So those brothers can take of their family as well, since they are more worthy to have lands. This life, really I don’t get it.
    Ignore. Delete your WhatsApp for the time being.
    For your peace of mind.
    Lol to those saying sell the land.....who will sell the land for her? That is if the land wasn’t bought in her brothers names. They will never agree to sell it since she is not even there.

    ReplyDelete

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