STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
FIRST HEART BREAK LOADING
Hi Stella,
I need advice from bvs and your red pen too.
I have never been in a relationship until my 28th year which was last year around March when I met my boyfriend who is studying for his PhD in China but can't go back because of covid.
He also lectures but for 6 months now, he has not received his salary.
Hi Stella,
I need advice from bvs and your red pen too.
I have never been in a relationship until my 28th year which was last year around March when I met my boyfriend who is studying for his PhD in China but can't go back because of covid.
He also lectures but for 6 months now, he has not received his salary.
I'm stating all these so that bvs can understand and really advise me better.
We were going on fine till last December when he came home for Xmas
He doesn't call as much as he used to and doesn't really care as well.
It is quite confusing. I call him but the conversation is not always great but he still claims that he loves me but I doubt this.
He can stay for a week without calling or chatting me up unless I do. He doesn't really posses all I envisioned my man to have but he is only great at apologizing lol...
He says I complain too much but I only want our communication level to be high. I want the friendly banters but he is not willing to give me that.
I broke up with him via WhatsApp and also called him to tell him I'm no longer interested. All he said was that I want to break his heart. That I should hold on for him to come see me so we can trash whatever the issues are.
Why I'm writing this is because he is coming to my town to see me anytime from next week and I don't know if I should go see him or not.
Biko my fellow bvs what do you think?
Please advice me,I had always prayed to end up with my first but I don't think he is worth it. I think I am just having my first heart break.
Forgive the long epistle biko.
We were going on fine till last December when he came home for Xmas
He doesn't call as much as he used to and doesn't really care as well.
It is quite confusing. I call him but the conversation is not always great but he still claims that he loves me but I doubt this.
He can stay for a week without calling or chatting me up unless I do. He doesn't really posses all I envisioned my man to have but he is only great at apologizing lol...
He says I complain too much but I only want our communication level to be high. I want the friendly banters but he is not willing to give me that.
I broke up with him via WhatsApp and also called him to tell him I'm no longer interested. All he said was that I want to break his heart. That I should hold on for him to come see me so we can trash whatever the issues are.
Why I'm writing this is because he is coming to my town to see me anytime from next week and I don't know if I should go see him or not.
Biko my fellow bvs what do you think?
Please advice me,I had always prayed to end up with my first but I don't think he is worth it. I think I am just having my first heart break.
Forgive the long epistle biko.
*First heart break no dey kill person, it even makes you stronger...Go and see him or allow him see you but don't expect miracles...Everyone has a small heart break story..
Poster, go and see him and talk about everything that is disturbing you.
ReplyDeleteDon't give in to emotional blackmail though, just be open and honest with your questions and answers.
It is well with you
OMG this guy is exactly like my ex 110%. Gurl he is not in love with you. When i was dating my ex, he was great, all of a sudden he changed. He started having financial constraints. He hardly called, even when i call he will hardly pick up. We hardly saw even though we were in the same town. It was always one issue. Until i called him again 1 day and asked why he was behaving this way. He said he was stressed, tired etc always excuses. I felt bad. And then i said "let's talk about it". This is how he hung up and never called again. Till he left the country.
DeleteIt was also my 1st relationship.
Kai i felt soo bad.
Apparently he had been planning to relocate since. But didn't want to tell me so he started withdrawing.
Girl he will 110% break up with you.
Better leave now.
I know it's soo hard because he's your 1st love.
I know how you feel.
Ur mind is telling you to leave him. But your body is telling u sth else.
You say he lectures? Dude has a steady supply of distractions. If he satys a week n doesn't call you, it means he cares less about you.
ReplyDeleteGbam! The guy no send you abeg, any relationship that keeps you guessing is a total waste of time.
Delete👏👏👏👏👏👏
DeleteEvery man is busy;but a man who claims to love you makes out time from his busy schedule to check on his woman..
ReplyDeleteIt's more like a reflex action;you just see yourself "wanting" to see your woman,check on her or perhaps just hear her voice..
If he isn't giving you his time or attention;someone else is getting it..
Except he is working offshore where there is no network or internet;there is no reason a "loverboy" who is "in love" won't call his woman..
Guys that are even after a woman for "Sex" call till they get what they want;not to talk of Someone who claims to love you..
@MARTINS
God bless you. You're a wise man....
DeleteI beg to disagree with you Martins. She said the guy has not received his salary for 6 months and he also can't go back to China to complete his studies.
DeleteThe young man is sad and frustrated, yet she expects him to be all chatty like nothing happened.
She didn't say he disrespects her, he is abusive, he cheats or that she suspects he's having an affair. His only crime is that he doesn't call as much as he used to!
Dear Poster, please support him through this trying period. Guy man is going through alot.
@Noc-turnal ..
DeleteNice one.. I avoid people when I'm short of cash cos I hate to be seen in such state plus I also hate to share my problems with people, not to talk of someone who hasn't been paid in 6 months and can't seem to travel back out of this shit hole.. omo.. the guy is going through hell, just putting on a calm front..
Also, as regards the calling, I rarely call, and it doesn't mean I don't care.. it's just me.. but of course, I'd chat you up or send you a text..
Good luck
@ nocturnal, please don't excuse bad attitude. Put yourself in her shoes.
DeleteI will go with Martins. Forgot his money problems,my ex also had money issues but was paying attention even when it was really back for him. He stopped attention and was married some months later. Martin is right
DeletePoster Life they say is the best teacher...Yeah it is good to get things right at first attempts but don't you think that kind of life is boring, drab and mundane..No lessons learnt but all easy breezy...You need to be free and open to yourself as well...Ask him pertinent questions; look out for both what he said and not saying (body language) and from there you make formative decisions...
ReplyDeleteHave a clear mind and have a conversation with him in a public place...All the best
"I want the friendly banters but he is not willing to give me that"
ReplyDeleteJust negodu!
The young man is looking for how to survive financially and all you care about is "banters"...
That's why he is giving you space
That means if they eventually get married, anytime stress comes, she should get ready for hell. So much for maturity!
DeleteI keep telling people, take people as they present themselves. If they show disinterest, PLEASE, don't read it in the opposite. They are actually telling you something without words.
Poster, in my own opinion don't go see him. Let him beg and beg and realise that he should do the chasing as a man and not the other way round.
That way he will value the relationship, that is if he is even still into you.
Don't give him any veejay on your meeting day.. Na manipulator be that.. He would use reverse psychology on you and make you feel guilty for quitting.
ReplyDeleteBe guarded by wisdom..
Do not settle for less Poster.
ReplyDeleteYou deserve so much love and happiness.
Poster no wahala, allow him to see you, be yourself, just be cool. And then go ahead to get a backup boyfriend, who knows you might meet someone great and then you dump this man finally, that is if he doesn't change his ways. If he does then he you can make your choice between him & any other guy in your life. Be strong.
ReplyDeleteIt’s normal for negative feelings and thoughts to keep running through your head when the person you fancy rarely calls: why didn’t he call me back? Didn’t he love me? Didn’t he care about me and all that. You see, you’ve developed a reference point ie, a perception of what is normal and appropriate to maintain and cultivate relationships with close people.
ReplyDeleteRather than making a suboptimal decision, keep the appointment, sit down with him and deal with the issue directly by having a serious conversation with him. It may turn out that he really dislikes talking on the phone. Personally, this form of communication just stresses me out. I have stronger preference for instant messaging as a mode of communication.
My suggestion, BE MORE FLEXIBLE if you really fancy him rather than this anchoring bias that you’re exhibiting. During your meeting with him, ask him this question in a calm manner:
‘In what ways, if any, can he be a better communicator in your love life? Then set a boundary on your expectations going forward.
Good Luck and Don’t be in a hurry to break up something that could be salvaged through effective communication.
Hear him out and decide the next move...
ReplyDeletemove on girl. he doesn't love you...no man who is in love with you is too busy to call you for a week. you are a side piece
ReplyDeleteHe has time to eat, time to bath,time to use internet on the phone/laptop, time to talk to siblings. Yet no time to call you. Even if it's 1 minute.
DeleteAbeg you deserve better
Pls if you want to go see him, pls make sure it’s in an open space. Not I am in this hotel come and let’s talk. Also don’t let him come to your house. Ensure someone is aware of where you will be going. Lastly do not sleep with him. He might tell you things so you have some compassion but pls let the compassion end with it is well. He might be going through a lot of stress as well. So hear him out but in the open so that your thoughts are not clouded.lastly stay in the subject that you want trashed out.
ReplyDeleteHow can you go for days without checking up on someone you love?
ReplyDeleteYou guys can have a heart to heart discussion. From there you can decide on the best course. Good luck
He his not emotionally invested in the relationship. Move on.
ReplyDeleteHE DOESN'T LOVE HER PERIOD! The signs are glaring. we women like to make excuses for men when we are in love.
DeleteYou need to leave that man alone. Him coming to town ain't mean shit. I know as women we love to read into everything seeking some hidden meaning. Is he the last man on Earth you need to grovel at his feet for attention? That man got other things on his mind and none of it is you. How you going to pine for someone who doesn't even think about you, what are you fighting for? You don't even pass through his head, you can't fight for someone who isn't even thinking about you.
ReplyDeletePoster I dont know why women are like this, you have listed all his problems and you're disturbing him for banter,abeg leave him let him find solution to his problems first.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was much younger, I was in a similar situation, I liked the guy alot because he was really handsome, we spoke same language and he was almost a family friend. I remember whenever he talked, our conversations had subtle romance. Like oh! What did you do today, wish you were here etc. However, I realized he didn't call. We could go for 2 to 3 weeks, without communicating, then when we did manage to speak, he'll be all lovey dovey. In conclusion, he married some girl. Apparently, he wasn't that into me. I learnt that lesson early enough.So ggurlll, ... don't let him waste your time.
ReplyDeleteDon't go anywhere. Are you guys sexually active, if no, don't go. If yes, don't go. He doesn't have any quality you want in a guy, he doesn't checkup on you, doesn't send you, hasn't been paid(implying he may be asking you for cash or complaining)....sister, what do you want again?
ReplyDeleteSee where your sense reach.. God forbid..
DeletePosted be very careful of the advice you listen to.. EVERY KIND are on social media .. you'll be shocked if you see the person who is giving you advise in real life..
Be careful..
Good luck
People telling you to not go are telling you the truth.Better end things now before you go deeper.This guy does not love you.When he comes around,tell him you are busy and can't see him.Better guard your heart now oh.Hmmm
ReplyDeleteAllow him to come see you (note: plans should not change where it is you who ends up travelling to go see him), table all the matters you need to table out,be kind with your words too...
ReplyDeleteDo understand that his career, future, livelihood is somewhat paused, this can cause any human being heightened frustration. If you love him enough, wait it out with him, if not, be unapologetically selfish about your interest and what you want going forward. Break up or make up? It's your call!
That guy is dealing with a lot personally and I don't think you should be adding to it.
ReplyDeleteA man hasn't received sakaryy in six months ahd you expect him to be chatty and lively, how ?!
See him if you want but don't stress him abeg, you never even understand the concept of a relationship.
Women don't get get that an average responsible man have a default setting to crawl into his shell if he's stressed especially financial.
ReplyDeleteHe'll as much as possible try not to sink the woman along with him.
I don't collect a dime from women
I take care of my woman
But I withdraw if I see I cant do as much as I think I should
I've been called coward for that
Go see him
But if he's a bad man and have major red flag, don't!!!
Poster can you see that most of the guys on here said the same thing. I will advise you go with their advise cause they are talking from a male perspective. See him and hear what he has to say before you call it quit.
ReplyDelete