Stella Dimoko Chronicles Of A Married Man - 13


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Sunday, February 21, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 13

How do couples manage household chores? Are chores gender-specific? What happens when the woman can’t cook? If you ask me, na who I go ask? (in Omawumi’s voice)

So, we were having evening “fellowship” one day at the joint after work. After “killing” a couple of bottles, one of my friends at the table muttered, “I’m tired of my marriage, I wish I could divorce my wife, She can’t even cook a decent meal and clean the house properly”.

Those comments sparked a round of discussion and arguments. You can imagine a typical Nigerian hangout with lots of alcohol, pepper soup and other “chopables”. In such gatherings, opinions abound and everyone has one. That led to a very interesting conversation that night.

The oldest amongst us asked him. “Why don’t you teach her to cook and support her in cleaning the house?”. To this he replied “I sabi cook? Me that grew up in a house with six girls that practically did everything at home. Besides I am the man. I do my part and provide for the family. Let her do hers too na”

The “manchelor” amongst us feeling goofy told him. “She be cook? she is your wife and not your cook. If you want a cook, go and employ one”. Of course, we all shouted him down. “You don marry? My friend keep quiet when “men” are talking”, “You will have an opinion on this issue when you eventually get married”

The conversation continued into the night while beer was being “cancelled”. At the end of the day, we advised him to go home and talk to his wife and work a way around this problem. Afterall divorce for us was not even an option. He will be fine.

The story above is just one of many marriages today where couples are having issues about chores and other household activities. Some woman who can’t cope with doing such activities are usually termed “lazy” or even ‘dirty”. It even gets worse for the woman after giving birth to children.

I grew up in an environment where the boys are told to “man up” and the girls are trained to be good housewives. The girls were supposed to know her to cook and do chores because that was supposed to be their duty. Girls that could not cook were generally seen as woman who will become “terrible” wives.

My brother and I practically taught ourselves how to cook just to prove my mum wrong that we could do better than our sisters. When I started the dating game, I discovered that woman appreciate men who can cook more. They feel that if the man can cook, then we will make a better husband (talk about 1000 yards husband material).

So, the big question is: what are you going to do if you get married to a woman who cannot cook or do chores; or your husband does not support you in doing chores saying it’s not his duty?

I have seen a category of women who have started this argument about doing household chores is not their duty. They insist that they can’t and won’t do it. They say “If you want a good meal get a cook, if you want your clothes washed get a laundry machine, if you want the home cleaned, get a cleaner”. My response to such argument is always simple. “I pray your husband can afford it”

Learning to cook does not have an age limit. I have seen some woman, even my wife, learn how to cook after they got married. The same applies to doing chores. If the couple admits to themselves that there is an issue or a problem about cooking or doing chores and are willing to learn or adjust, then an amicable solution can always be worked out.

What I see in most couples having issues with cooking and chores most times are people having over-bloated egos and sense of entitlement. So, instead of fighting, why not sit down with your partner and work out a way out of your predicament. If you can’t cook as a woman admit it so that you can be taught, instead of claiming “it’s not my duty”. As for the man, you can learn to sweep and clean at your old age; it won’t take the “man” out of you.

All marriages have issues and will continue to have. Always learn to sit down with your spouse and decide on what works for you as a couple. Do not be deceived by social media warriors claiming I won’t take it from my husband. Don’t mind them ooo! They are taking it, even with bended knees!

Finally! Our “manchelor” is getting married this week. Port Harcourt girls have lost another sugarboy! The men have lost our remaining “operation theatre”. I am missing out of the action. 

Benin for hear am this weekend! Oh work! Look what you  have done to me!

 Happy married life XXXXX! 

Finally, Ladies when you get married newly. Tell your husband to change all the beddings and if possible change the bed and mattress. Some of these beds have seen atrocities.

See ya next week



  1. My husband does most of the chores. Even cooking. While I make the mess.

    I’m lucky.

    1. Just yesterday, i was having a conversation with my son,hubby went to visit them in school, so we were on video call. He asked me if i cooked and i said no,that his younger ones have been doing the cooking. He now told me that when he gets back home for the holidays,he would do all the cooking while his immediate younger dose the cleaning. I said OK,or his dad can do the cooking, he said no he dose not want to eat posion, but i told him his dad was a fantastic cook. My son countered me and told me yes,but a messy cook. My point is,I am training my boys to be better husbands to their future partners. My boy is just 14,going on 15 but he's hands on with the home. Once his around,you can have your rest and be rest assured you would eat fanatic meals and also have a clean house. Women train up both genders same way.

    2. But its not fair na, stop making a mess, are you a kid?

    3. At least try reduce the mess so he doesnt get tired some day

    4. She might be shameless but still lucky tho. Lol

    5. Lol.. @Perx
      Okay, she's a lucky shameless women.. Let's see how much her luck would help, when the gentleman gets to his elastic limit

    6. Dante, you’re the shameless one. Idiot.

      My husband has a bit of OCD with cleanliness and no matter how much I clean, it’s not good enough. What’s the point of cleaning when he will cleaning everything again? Our house always looks like something out of a magazine. Better to save my strength.

      He knew I was like this, yet he married me. Me! Not Martha Steward oh. Me!!!!

      The ‘mess’ I make is normal ‘mess’ that comes with day to day living. You don’t expect me to be arranging things every few hours, then arranging them again after. He finds joy in doing them, so let him do them. Even my mum gave up when she first visited and relaxed. Now she’s used to it.

      My husband married me because of me, not for any housekeeping, cooking or child rearing I can do. Unlike a lot of Nigerian men that want slaves.

      He likes to buy cookbooks and try different recipes. He follows cooking shows like women follow gossip blogs. Believe me, there are men like that.

      He feels safe in his masculinity and does not think I should do all those because I’m a woman and he’s a man.

      Dante, I will say it again. I am lucky!
      Very lucky and I 100% know that. I LOVE AND APPRECIATE HIM!!

      My husband is rich, calm, hardworking, family oriented and handsome.

      Once again, I AM LUCKY!!

    7. Gosh Dante, not all men are like you!!!! I pray for the woman that ends up with u.

      As for me, I hardly ever wash plates. Like almost never and my husband will definitely wash them. I am not just lucky, I am blessed.

    8. I’m happy for you, Eka Joy. Don’t mind Dante, the bitter soul.

      Very toxic misogynist.

      Thank God all men are not like him.

    9. Anon, may the Lord continue to bless your home jare, amen. Some people married well.

    10. Lol Eka..
      Why are you always in a competition in claiming the award of a useless wife.. if it's not arguing about DNA, it would be insulting men and standing against common sense.. someone else was claiming the shameless title but no! You won't let her win it in peace..
      Ok, you're a shameless lady.. can we rest now?

      Goan read your first comment and interpret it to people that are just reading it the way you put it out there. So you know how to explain in details before but wanted to mislead other ladies that being a messy wife makes your lucky.. next time learn how to communicate properly..

    11. Anon 16:12.. PLEASE A LITTLE LOUDER!! WE CANT HEAR YOU FROM THE BACK ROW!! You really are lucky. Please don't be discouraged by haters.

  2. It's the last line for me. Change the bedsheets. Cooking or house chores shouldn't be an issue. I love cooking but there are other chores I don't like doing. For those, le boo does them without complaint. For me, I believe understanding is everything between couples

  3. Before we got married, hubby was aware I couldn't cook some of the meals he was used to, so he got a young lady in church to come teach me some of them at home, while he taught me his special egusi soup himself. Some times wen I work late, he cooks. But he is not a cleaning person, same as me, but we find a way around the cleaning.
    Thanks Mr poster for your chronicles and the lessons in them

  4. My husband is so lazy. All he does is hoover the lounge once a week. He does nothing else. Not even to hoover the bedrooms. The only thing he does is put laundry in the washing machine.

    Cooking, washing the toilets, shopping, changing the sheets and everything else is done by me. The annoying this is I make much more money than him.

    It has made me really resent him.

    1. Why is it annoying to you that you make much money ney than him?
      Would you have preferred it if you made less, imagine being broke yourself with a lazy hubby.?

    2. Yvonne are you daft? Some of u ask silly questions abeg..she is annoyed cos she earns More and still has to do all the work...

    3. 14.31..
      It doesn't matter if she earns more.. the right question to ask is if she provides more.. I have seen girlfriends and wives that earn more but their money is their money and the husbands money is everyone's.. so in such cases, what would you say?

    4. OH dear, this one no balance at all. Tell him ur mind and expectation

  5. I am a man. I vacuum and clean the house. I wash the dishes. I do my own laundry and my wife does hers. I most times cook what I eat and she partakes in my meals. She makes her own food and that of the kids. We teach our kids how to do these things. We don’t have maids and have never had. We both work and alternate picking the kids from school. My wife makes the best fried rice on earth. She has refused to let me in on her secret. And we make love like we just met. I still don’t know why my heart skips a beat everytime we start making love. I love my wife and I am very sure she loves me. I don’t discuss my wife or marriage with anyone. Sometimes I leave the dishes overnight to look for her trouble and guess what, she wakes up early and does the dishes. I have never cheated on her and I can vouch for her. We have been together for 10 years. That’s my marriage story.

    1. God bless your home. Keep it up. Marriage is just understanding between couples. Some men just leave all to their wives and only a bad wicked woman will want to disrespect a man because he cooks or helps with chores..

    2. Lucky you, some of us, our marriage is not up to a month and dem don dey cheat on us, and we can’t talk

    3. Please stop looking for trouble intentional..
      I'm also one who does my laundry myself cos I don't think anyone would do it better, except for stuffs that are meant for the dry cleaners..
      I also clean and cook my meals..
      I go to the market etc etc..

      I don't see all these stuff as work.. e go hard for babe to style for me cos I'm not dependent and expect nothing from anyone..
      The only thing I need from our ladies is just that one thing ☻.. but even at that.. I won't let them stress me for it.. if they make it easy, they're rewarded.. if they dont.. everyone find their square root.. life is not that hard

    4. My husband's mentality is, once he provides at home, he can't help out in anything else. I cook, wash the dishes, wash his clothes, his bedspread and sleeping clothes, his towel, sweep and mop his room, wash his toilet. Does same for myself and my bathroom too, same with our baby, washing machine has not been working since we bought it. Yet, there's nothing I can do that will make him appreciate me. If I go out and come back around 9pm, I will be the one to come and cook, even if he'd returned since 4 or didn't go out at all.

      The only help he does for me is to go to the market and buy foodstuff at home. Some of us are very unlucky in this thing called marriage

    5. Anon 13:30 your story is beautiful and it left me hopeful that there are many good marriages amidst the sad stories that make headlines. God continue to bless your home and give us grace to handle ours right when it happens. I pray for singles that we meet people who would love us truly and be willing to put in effort to make our marriages work. Amen πŸ™


    6. May God continue to bless ur marriage. I love men that make sure to assist their wives.

    7. Such a beautiful story. God bless your home πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

  6. Bold of you to think I didn't already changed the beddings whilst dating him.

    About the main event..chores. Growing up with brothers who I witnessed being consistently told to clean their rooms and that's all they are to do domestically made me understand the quality of Male species unleashed to our generation. I'm happy that a lot of them have unlearned that shit.

    I think for me, my attitude from the beginning of the relationship has always shown my stance when it comes to chores. I come to your place, you are catering to me and that's that on that. Now, I will jump in to help and give you kisses every now and then but you are doing the most work, my nigga.

    Now that we are married, I expect you to jump in and help when I'm cooking or give me kisses just like I used to do. When I'm removing clothes from the machine, you are folding. When I'm cleaning, you are hands on ready to change the duster or wipe sweat off me while gisting me.

    Now I'm typing for me, I don't know what works for you but chores has never been an issue for me and mine.

  7. Men that helps their wives at home to cook and do house chores are the real MVPsπŸ‘Œ πŸ™Œyou shall not lack, you shall have a peaceful home. So shall it be, Amen πŸ™

    1. Just like I take care of my other responsibilities, I cook every. I cook for love and for my appetite. It’s a simple basic skill that Mom taught us. I owe myself that as I am very conscious of what goes into my body since I became an adult. I’m not going to do anything different just because I am married or living with girlfriend.
      Having said that, I don't care who cooks in our home. But I definitely will not RESPECT a woman who doesn't know this simple basic survival skill. It’s very important to me that whoever I end up with , knows how to take very good care of herself and MUST know her NUTRITION. What am I supposed to do when I eat at your table? You give him a bowl of Rice Krispy’s and tell me to snap, crackle and pop? Joker!!
      Except you don’t fancy me…You will COOK for me NATURALLY…You’ll COOK for me because you’d love to.
      And if you want HELP or COMPANY in the kitchen, shoot and I’ll HELP.

  8. Most times is not only about not knowing how to cook but if there's willingness to even learn.
    I grew up in a home were a cook made most of the meals so there was never really a time my mom or anyone took me into the kitchen to teach me how to cook, though I learned how to make simple meals like jollof rice and stew in uni.
    When I got married to my hubby I discovered he was an expert in the kitchen, he actually enjoyed cooking, more like a hobby to him, he follows a lot of Nigerian chefs on YouTube and introduced me to them too, from there I learned to cook a lot of delicious meals i make today.
    To be honest it was a struggle for me initially adapting because I was used to coming home to cooked meals, I hadn't really had the opportunity to leave alone by myself before getting married so it was not that easy going from being served meals once I'm back home to coming home and entering the kitchen to cook.
    My hubby was very patient with me, as initially he cooked most of the meals then gradually handed over to me as he became more occupied with work and my skills had tremendously improved, after kids came we had to employ a cook as I couldn't cope anymore.

    In my opinion, cooking is a survival skill so isn't a gender specific role. Couples should sit down, communicate with each other and find out what will work for them for their peculiar circumstance and stick to it. Life is too short for all this constant bickering over wife not cook, abi cook not wife. God Knows I don't like stress in this life.

    1. You guys have shown you support and understand each other. May God continue to bless your home.

  9. That changing of bed, mattress and bedding very important.

    We learn everyday. Well done sir.

  10. Any woman who argue about wives not being cooks or cleaners is a bad wife.. and any man who support such assertion is a stupid man.. so long as the man live up to his task of providing, what's so hard in cooking in a kitchen that was paid for by the man, or cleaning the house that was built or rent paid by the man..

    I think they have a shorter length of responsibility and should be appreciative instead of being a witch about it..

    It's a different situation if she cannot cook but willing to learn, or when she also provides for the home to an extent.. however, in all cases they should both compliment themselves, i.e the wife supports in providing and the man supports in house chores, but that shouldn't make either of them lose focus on which is their cut out responsibility..

    Saying wives not cooks is the same as saying men not slaves.. I know women hate to hear this from men cos they expect to be taken care of, then why do what you hate to another..

    Lemme stop here..


  11. Different strokes for different folks.
    Understanding, communication and love is very important in every marriage.
    Thanks poster, you nailed it.

  12. As a man, I majorly do the cleaning,even on daily and weekly basis, help with laundry sometimes though with washing machine and sometimes do the groceries. I used to cook but became lazy doing it after we got married and she doesn't complain about me not helping out on that. She's such a great cook. I think its all about understanding.... Women needs support. Most men who think they shouldn't be doing house chores, shopping and cooking are mostly a product of their up bringing. No one should be made to feel certain chores are theirs to do. Men should help their wives... Women should also learn to appreciate men that do help.

  13. Just like I take care of my other responsibilities, I cook every. I cook for love and for my appetite. It’s a simple basic skill that Mom taught us. I owe myself that as I am very conscious of what goes into my body since I became an adult. I’m not going to do anything different just because I am married or living with girlfriend.
    Having said that, I don't care who cooks in our home. But I definitely will not RESPECT a woman who doesn't know this simple basic survival skill. It’s very important to me that whoever I end up with , knows how to take very good care of herself and MUST know her NUTRITION. What am I supposed to do when I eat at your table? You give him a bowl of Rice Krispy’s and tell me to snap, crackle and pop? Joker!!
    Except you don’t fancy me…You will COOK for me NATURALLY…You’ll COOK for me because you’d love to.
    And if you want HELP or COMPANY in the kitchen, shoot and I’ll HELP.

    1. Kikikikikiki so she will balance and chop ya delicious food, then later give you the lashing of your life......... See double henjionment...........
      Hehehehehe wooooo, I jus dey play ooo, nor come vex bros

  14. My hubby has no problem with doing chores when he can. But he got me a help to take care of the house chores.

    As for cooking, no one cooks for my King.

    I cook while hubby does the shopping. (he doesn't like to cook and I don't like to get groceries)

    Issa perfect mix lol

  15. I cooked before getting married and was still cooking when we lived together . I grew up in a family were my elder brother and i were older than others so we had to do shores even when the army sent personal helps home for my Dad. I still do laundries for both of us and our daughter. no mean feat.


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