Hmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
RELOCATION TIPS NEEDED TO RUN AWAY FROM A SERIAL CHEAT:
Hello, everyone. Lovely BVs. This was supposed to be a long Chronicle, but I will Make it short.
I am a married woman with two kids and I'm currently pregnant with the third.(six years of marriage) I am 27 years of age and work under health field(Pharmacist).
I want to know how feasible it is for me to relocate with my kids to US or Canada or any other foreign country that my field of discipline can thrive, without my husband.
Reason being that My husband is a Serial cheat, and he doesn't look it, he speaks against cheating even to his friends, but almost every trip he makes, he arranges one or two babes for his adventures.
It's so bad that, he is ready for us not to do the do, a month before embarking on any planned trip.(he compliments my sex skills o"oh baby you are so sweet",and it makes wonder what he really wants)
I've advised him, I've confronted, I've prayed and I'm praying but it seems like It's getting worst . He's never remorseful. He is always at the defensive side. He never admits to his wrongs even with clear evidences .
The last discussion we had,I even thought he has changed to a new being, but alas "I was so wrong," he just became smarter in his dealings.
Truth is I can't continue to live my life in bitterness, anger, resentment ,pain, distrust and in fear.
I've tried that gathering evidences and I'm still gathering more evidences in case of necessity. I'm also trying to up my savings (more funds) so that I won't be at his mercy.
This is where I need advice: I really want to know how feasible the relocation process can go. (Travelling requirement, cost,etc)
I was thinking of filing for a divorce here in Nigeria before beginning the process of relocation (already making contacts, and gathering necessary evidences) or
Is it possible to relocate there as a married individual with the kids without hubby (cos he has mentioned such before)and begin the divorce process or separation process at the overseas later on.
Reason why I really want to relocate, is because I don't want any interference from family and friends, because almost everyone will hardly believe(he gives people money, shows kindness, provides for the kids...),but this one bad of Cheating, has shattered my heart, I don't see myself enduring the marriage, without any sincere change from him or even accepting ok I did this, I'm sorry.
I see myself resenting him ,being bitter and living in fear.
So BVs that's it..... any advice on the relocation stuff will be of help
Please be kind with words o,na beg I dey.
Thanks
Hello, everyone. Lovely BVs. This was supposed to be a long Chronicle, but I will Make it short.
I am a married woman with two kids and I'm currently pregnant with the third.(six years of marriage) I am 27 years of age and work under health field(Pharmacist).
I want to know how feasible it is for me to relocate with my kids to US or Canada or any other foreign country that my field of discipline can thrive, without my husband.
Reason being that My husband is a Serial cheat, and he doesn't look it, he speaks against cheating even to his friends, but almost every trip he makes, he arranges one or two babes for his adventures.
It's so bad that, he is ready for us not to do the do, a month before embarking on any planned trip.(he compliments my sex skills o"oh baby you are so sweet",and it makes wonder what he really wants)
I've advised him, I've confronted, I've prayed and I'm praying but it seems like It's getting worst . He's never remorseful. He is always at the defensive side. He never admits to his wrongs even with clear evidences .
The last discussion we had,I even thought he has changed to a new being, but alas "I was so wrong," he just became smarter in his dealings.
Truth is I can't continue to live my life in bitterness, anger, resentment ,pain, distrust and in fear.
I've tried that gathering evidences and I'm still gathering more evidences in case of necessity. I'm also trying to up my savings (more funds) so that I won't be at his mercy.
This is where I need advice: I really want to know how feasible the relocation process can go. (Travelling requirement, cost,etc)
I was thinking of filing for a divorce here in Nigeria before beginning the process of relocation (already making contacts, and gathering necessary evidences) or
Is it possible to relocate there as a married individual with the kids without hubby (cos he has mentioned such before)and begin the divorce process or separation process at the overseas later on.
Reason why I really want to relocate, is because I don't want any interference from family and friends, because almost everyone will hardly believe(he gives people money, shows kindness, provides for the kids...),but this one bad of Cheating, has shattered my heart, I don't see myself enduring the marriage, without any sincere change from him or even accepting ok I did this, I'm sorry.
I see myself resenting him ,being bitter and living in fear.
So BVs that's it..... any advice on the relocation stuff will be of help
Please be kind with words o,na beg I dey.
Thanks
WOW....I hope you are not running away with the kids? Please let him know before you travel if you decide on where to go...
You are in the Medical field but being a pharmacist works differently abroad, Canada might be your best bet but you would still have to take lots of exams to upgrade.
Good luck oh.
Don't just leave without informing him and that's my own o.Most married men cheat and it's no longer news,ma'am
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't make it right, does it?
DeleteGod will still judge adulterous men.
"Most arried men cheat and it's no longer news...?
DeleteIt is also highly inexcusable and sinful. These philandering men bring home STDs and demons, wrecking havoc on what should be a holy union.
The wives are hurting just like this poster.
Poster, my advice is don't even whisper a word about divorce to your husband or anyone.
You could discuss relocation to him and see what he says. If he says know, find out how you could write professional exams online, get an admission in a foreign university. Carry your husband along in this plan. Once you relocate, you could start the divorce process from your foreign base even if he relocates with you.
It would be easier for you to divorce the cheating man in a civilized country.
The man cheated/ is cheating on you. Divorce him. You have no rights to run away with his kids. The children are his as much as they are yours.
DeleteHe has been cheating and you are pregnant with your 3rd? I want to believe you are just hormonal and don't really mean what you wrote. Calm down, have your baby then take a helicopter position to look at the "evidences" you think you gathered.
Only you one, relocation, 2kids, divorce, pregnant...You will break down. You think it's as easy as "feminists" make it sound?
Until she stabs her to death, you would be the one saying, she should have walked away. If the man has been talking about you leaving with the kids abroad while he stays behind sleeping with different girls, then pretend and allow the plan to hatch. When you get there you dump his cheating ass. Don’t give yourself high bp.
DeleteThank you Sapphire 👏
DeleteSaphire oooooooo... hahahahahahaha! I wish I could meet someone like you someday.
DeleteI can't advice you on what to do madam but il chip this in. Childcare isn't easy abroad oooo, you will go into first-class depression.
DeletePoster, no need to read any other advice here. Just take this one and work with it.
DeleteSo because most married men cheat she should remain sad for the rest of her life, or die of high blood pressure, even the bible gives her the right to waka.
DeleteMy dear, like I always say, happiness is key o, don't stay and regret in your old age. Please do whatever it is you want to do.
Sad and angry people do not make heaven so stop killing your self.
@poster, take him abroad with you, let him help you take care of the children while you work part time as a caregiver. Ensure to IMMEDIATELY begin writing your certication exams once you arrive (2 of them). Once you qualify, you will get a job immediately and then FILE FOR DIVORCE, let him find a woman that will tolerate his cheating ass abroad. DO NOT RELOCATE ALONE WITH 3 CHILDREN, it is unsustainable.
DeleteMarriage wahala. If you go into a marriage with the mind that you married an angel, one day e go restrict your airflow o. E go choke. Even cartoon adverts say, always expect d unexpected and hold your nose. #lionguard
ReplyDeleteVery trye
DeleteHmmmmm... I guess you saw the signs before getting married to him that he's a cheat but you either ignored or thought that you could change him.
ReplyDeleteIt's not easy to run abroad without support with kids o.
I pray that you find the right advise.
How do u know she saw the signs????
DeleteYou will just open ur mouth waaaaaaaa
??? Who taught you people this rubbish saw the signs
DeletePlease how do you guess that she saw the signs ? Please explain how she saw the signs ? Someone is shocked at cheating but you’re saying she must have seen the signs. Even me I’m not the same person I was two years ago but I should know everything knowable about a man I’ve know for how long while also building a career and doing other things
DeleteVery rubbish question.
DeleteWhich sign?
Signboard right?🙄
Just like this question that BVs usually ask 'where do you meet this type of men', like seriously??🙄🙄🙄
Anakogheri dot com
Which signs? May you never be a victim of an adulterous marriage to a kind man that provides and looks like an angel. Calm down! This is what some women face in their marriages. it’s good as you are already making plans to move on. Be careful about your health because of your baby and the truth is except you want to kill yourself, you cannot become a monitoring spirit to someone’s child who has refused to apply self control.
DeleteYou are on the right track! Prepare for your exams and apply to Canada, save as much as you can. You are not entitled to free education for any child below 5years that means a thousand dollars(cad) will go for a minder for each child.
There is no one stronger than a betrayed woman... You would definitely pull through. Till then, forget about any cheating evidence you might have seen, make your husband believe you are in good terms with him, ignore anything that would bring a quarrel and make sure you let him know about your plan. You don’t have to go with him. You don’t need him!
Just think of your brother's wife running away out of the country with his kids!
ReplyDeleteMany times, we ladies act before we think. So when you run away, you will stay celibate
and not need to marry again or are you going to start living in adulteries, the very thing
you blame your husband for?
Running away from your problems and challenges isn't the solution. Facing it is the way forward.
It is either, you are in this marriage or you are not. Everything has to be done legally just like
your marriage was done legally. Taking his kids and running away is international child trafficking and it
is a crime. Those kids aren't bearing your maiden name, or are they? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
International Wetin?
DeleteJet li 😂😂😂😂😂😂
DeleteMadam please I want you to have a rethink about leaving your marriage cos you didn't mentioned that this man is violent or not a good father to the kids, being a single mother is 'not easy especially in the abroad, it's a very lonely road. Please continue to pray for your husband and make your children your priority and basis of your happiness. I pray God will change your husband and give you the cause to smile again. It is well with you in Jesus name.
ReplyDeleteMay we not continue to live in uselessness all in the name of answering Mrs. Poster, do not take this advice, the first part.
DeleteNa u dey wear the shoe, na u know where e dey pinch.
Ewww, oryun what is this? Where is your self worth??
DeleteWho be this person abeg??
DeleteHahahahahahahhha 😂
DeleteEka Joy 👍... This is the reason why most men do rubbish... They believe women can't do without them so they can go sleeping around... What a nonsense mentality... God have mercy.
DeleteYou have prayed and done everything, meaning you really want this marriage to work.
ReplyDeletePermit me to assume that you Mean too that you are a Christian.
But have you fasted and are you fasting?
Your husband whom you love has been caught in a web of adulteries, idolatries.
The steps you want to take is not right. If you have lost something dear, the love and
devotion of your husband, mourn, fast.
Nigerian women bikozienu nu, marriage is not an achievement. Don't you people know that your kids see these things? Is that how you want to raise your male kids to turn out? What is wrong with you people?
Delete"He has been caught in a web" 😳🤣
DeleteYou people will not kill me
Isn't he the one that put his penis inside the web.
Madam if you want to leave, leave, but do it the right way or wait until your relocation plan falls through then divorce him there, don't let anyone guilt trip you.
If we women start learning to be selfish maybe these men will get sense, always put yourself first.
She said she has prayed and now they are asking if she has fasted. Ok o
@Push up
DeleteIs it a sin or a crime to fast?
Why shouldn't she fast?
She prayed, is praying and nagging and confronting?
How do they go together?
Don't you know that fasting will make her not to nag or confront
but to focus on prayers?
Bruhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh😩😩😩😩
DeleteYou want a pregnant woman to fast?... Isokay
DeleteMay the Lord touch the hearts of cheating husbands...
Side chicks! Please stop indulging this men... If they don't have who to cheat with, I believe they will go back to their wives...
Married women! don't make the one that isn't married feel less of a woman because she's not...
But must everything be about men?
Women need to start supporting women please
My dear married people are trying and usually don't advice anyone to quit except he beats you and doesn't carry out his roles like Nigeria social studies stated..I hate to be reminded of social studies telling us that father provides for the family meanwhile most women are the ones doing everything
ReplyDeleteWhere are the most women that are doing the everything?
DeleteAbeg rest.
Oju obinrin ri sa! She should continue to fast and pray for an adult enjoying his life and making decisions which seems best to him. She should keep on fasting till she loses herself over a man that's not even remorseful and busy enjoying his life out there,how do you keep someone who doesn't want to be kept? It takes two to tango.
ReplyDeleteMadam,I pray you don't end up with STI and other orisirisi.
Priotise yourself and kids
God bless you o. If she dies from bp, Sti or any heart related diseases, the man will bring in one of his side chicks. You can threaten him with divorce to see how it goes. Useless men everywhere.
DeleteIt pains me that she is way too young to be going through this torture. Imagine how detoriated the issue must have made the poster look.
Deletemadam dont leave your marriage. it is heartbreaking but dont leave.
ReplyDeletePlease don't leave until he gifts you an incurable disease as souvenir from one of his trips. So please chill,ok?
DeleteWhen she gets std you will cure her ?
Deletemadam you mentioned alot of good things about your husband. if I were you(but I am not) I would still hold on to this marriage
ReplyDeleteWould you say this to a man whose wife was cheating ?
DeleteHow do you hold on to a marriage where the man refuses to have sex with the wife so he can travel out to sleep with other women? What is the good quality of such a man? Because he doesn’t beat her? If a man said this about the wife wouldn’t you tag her as a witch and murderer ?
DeleteNawao... Na Naija mentality... Very annoying
DeleteMay God give you the wisdom and the strength to handle this poster
Relocating as a pharmacist is quite tricky. Maybe you will find some helpful tips here.
ReplyDeleteWhy don't you quit the marriage first.
It is well with you madam
My dear do what makes you happy but don't be sneaky. If you want a divorce serve Oga papers and walk away you don't even need abroad to do this
ReplyDeleteWithhold sex from him before he infects you with an STI. Or better still, use a sheathe whenever he demands for sex. If he protests, tell him you don't trust him.
ReplyDeletePraying for him is an exercise in futility. You can't change anyone who isn't willing to change.
Dont leave your marriage please, give birth first and watch how things unfold... continue to intercede in prayer for him but always use protection anytime you want to have sex. It is well
ReplyDeleteI'm waiting to read more comments as I'm also considering same. Mine has used mouth to divorce, comes to Abuja for two weeks but spends only 8hrs with the kids and took a girlfriend's kids out on 2/3 occasions even took pics smiling with them, posted on his status before posting his children's own..
ReplyDeleteSome men makes women just want to hit them back where it hurts. But I need a better life for my kids and he is not ready to have the conversation. So let me read more advice to this poster, I may get a clue or 2.
Kai just imagine
DeleteI don't even know what to say
See enh, anything you want to do just do it.
I don’t know why you people bring chronicles about cheating here because the BVs will never even offer you sympathies talk less of advising you on how to leave. So maybe you people bring it here because you don’t actually want to leave
ReplyDeleteMany of you shouting "leave! Leave!" are either single or have cheating partners. If divorce was so easy, most married women around you would have been divorced...so don't come online looking for marriages to destroy whilst taking all manner of shit just to remain in your toxic relationships. My advice is that she and hubby needs to go for marriage counselling..if that does not work, then they can consider separation/divorce.
DeletePoster call a meeting, your parents, his parents and all the elders you believe he listens to.
ReplyDeleteDo it as a get together, prepare dishes and drinks.
After item 7, tell them you called them because you believe you have tried and if he tries any rubbish again, you will divorce him. Make it so open, so that when you finally do, nobody will be shocked.
BTW, when you are calling for the get together, don't tell them (including your cheating husband) the reason for the gathering. Shock everyone with your head held high.
Since you said he is such a nice person, if you decide to go ahead with the divorce without prior information to them, they will blame you for everything.
You are too young to be carrying this cross abeg
A lot of Nigerian women were raised to see marriage as more important than life itself. You won’t get your encouragement from here. Cheating is emotional abuse that exposes you to diseases and ridicule from people who know about it and neglect to you and your children. If fasting and prayer stopped cheating no Nigerian man would be cheating. Already you’ve mentioned he would rather abstain from sleeping with you so he can enjoy sex outside. Fasting and prayer also doesnt stop women from contracting STDs and incurables like HIV which many Nigerian couples have. So don’t waste your time giving an explanation. No matter what you tell the average Nigerian, they will tell you to endure. But a man can use cheating as excuse to kill the wife or lock her up.
ReplyDeleteI’d advise you to separate from him officially and send the evidence to his family and yours from an unknown location. Sue for adultery in the court (with evidence) even if it’s for N5k because it automatically nullifies the husband from seeking custody. However I don’t know how easy it will be to leave the country even with that. In that case he can legally seek recourse and in a similar case i worked on the man successfully sought an injunction stopping the ex wife from relocating with the daughter. Fleeing then may be your only option so prepare to either send everyone the details or keep quiet and expect him to tarnish your image as a promiscuous woman (their one and only move). Leaving a bad marriage is the hardest and bravest thing a Nigerian woman can do because NOBODY supports you- so I wish you all the best
Thank you... And this has given Nigerian men the liberty to do rubbish because the woman will still stay...
DeleteIt is so annoying an very sad. Such a rubbish mentality, tuah!
My dear, divorce proceedings are long, stressful and challenging- emotionally, psychologically etc. Custody hearing will be the main challenge because your hubby will challenge it. It will take years and it will affect your savings badly! Shortest duration will be around 3-4years because the divorce will be contested by your spouse.
ReplyDeleteIn summary, I will advise against this.
Plans to travel abroad is good, however I will advise you make this plan with your hubby and if you want divorce him there. (You can get state or welfare lawyer etc ) it is a lot more easier there.
It might be hard to do, but try to convince your hubby about relocation. Never let him know you want a divorce, if not he will make sure it won’t work.
Please be wise and patient.
Just divorce him. Must you travel, just move to another house. Get your apartment and see what happens, if he changes, take him back, if he doesn't, move on. I cant stay if its me, but then again, I'm independent and doing well, and I'm way older. You mature as you grow older. Dont listen to people who say you should manage. It's not fair, we women have feelings too.
ReplyDeletePlease do not do this if you are not financially stable or if he is significantly more powerful/financially capable than you! It will end with you and the kids suffering. Plan your financial liberation first. If financial equity is impossible look for family/societal support first. Please do not go into a battle where the kids end up suffering-unable to go to school because he has held them in house arrest and you cant see them, taken away from you and in the hands of a nanny/girlfriend, or just suffering because you cant afford to take care of them. Please let me be clear, I am not encouraging you to stay married to him. I am only suggesting you plan properly. People work horrible jobs with abusive bosses. You can bear some emotional pain for the end goal of safely transitioning yourself and children eventually from him. Best of luck!
DeleteBeen there! Best decision I ever made. He’s begging I take him back now. But I NEVER WILL!
ReplyDeleteYou know Y? Because his family said it was my responsibility to make the marriage work as a WOMAN!
Can you just imagine?
DeleteJust think of your brother's wife running away out of the country with his kids!
ReplyDeleteMany times, we ladies act before we think. So when you run away, you will stay celibate
and not need to marry again or are you going to start living in adulteries, the very thing
you blame your husband for?
Running away from your problems and challenges isn't the solution. Facing it is the way forward.
It is either, you are in this marriage or you are not. Everything has to be done legally just like
your marriage was done legally. Taking his kids and running away is international child trafficking and it
is a crime. Those kids aren't bearing your maiden name, or are they? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
And you still open Punani for 3rd baby,you resent him true true..rararada!!
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the situation you are in.
Relocating to Canada as a Pharmacist isn't easy. Even though PEBC claims our B.Pharm is equivalent to theirs. You won't be able to get licensed to practice without some processes. Which involves 3 major exams and jurisprudence exam, internship etc. The examinations don't come cheap, and they are in stages. How will you support yourself with 3 kids, I'm assuming they are 5 and below(since you've been married for 6 years). You will need to pay for daycare which isn't cheap. Free school is from 6 years or so. You will also need to work pending when you will get licensed.
How easy do you think it will be, caring for 3 children all alone, working and still preparing for exams? One or two will definitely suffer.
The financial, emotional, physical demands are enormous. I wish you the best.
By the way, I'm a Pharmacist, still working my way to get licensure in Canada.
In the U.S. you need a bachelors degree to apply for pharmacy school.
ReplyDeleteAs a pharmacist in the usa, if you apply for student visa, you will start from yr 3 which is 1st professional yr because here is Pharm.D not Bsc...pharm.D is 6yrs normally and 5yrs for accelerated program. your last yr is your rotation yr like housemanship...for naija Dr and you write your state boards after rotations. .pharmacy schools are also expensive. So if you can come find way get green card before school will be better...I hear canada is easier...
ReplyDeleteHmm reading comments considering same.I need my peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteAs a pharmacist, relocating to Canada should be easy under the express entry program . But getting certified to practice as a pharmacist is another long waka , practicing in US and U.K. too have their own process which requires expensive schooling and exams .
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day , relocating with kids isn’t easy especially when you do so as a single mom with no support . How do you deal with childcare if you have to work odd hours ? I relocated alone with 2 kids and pregnant , I got my certifications sorted before relocating and I also had a good job on the way . But I struggled with childcare, I was alone with no support and getting childcare for my two kids when I have to work out of hours was an uphill task . I am thankful to God for seeing me through the pregnancy, because I was really stressed . I have a-little breather now because my mom is here atleast I don’t have to worry about childcare . My advice , just make proper plans before relocation . Running away wouldn’t make your problem go away , and you need your family support too .
Madam poster, I understand your plight and practically lived your current reality. But prayers, common sense, and strategic planning were the key to my liberation. 3 children by yourself in Canada or many developed countries is extremely hard-impossible without reliable support from family/friends/well wishers. My suggestions
ReplyDelete1) Do not leave the country without a clear plan for care for your children. In fact, cancel your plans for relocation if you cant get your mum or someone to reliably be there for/with you as you move with your children. You cannot battle+work/study+care for your children abroad (and I mean adequate care where the children don't suffer) yourself without running mad-and i mean this literally.
2) I suggest you do as much as you can with regards to qualifying exams and planning to transition to a job before you leave. Your financial freedom is critical to your divorce or liberation from him.
3) My 2 cents and this is the hard part, but it is time to put on grown up pants. First, lock up (tie your legs lol) after you give birth and focus all your efforts on your kids and your plan. Shut up and take all his crap. Let him keep running up and down. It gives you time, space, and financial support to plan. Try to sensibly carry him along. Boost his ego and if you can, make it seem like the relocation is his idea so you have all the support for an easy transition.
4) Don't rush into any ill-timed divorce battles. Get all your ducks in a row before you start any legal inquisition. Be prepared for it mentally, physically, emotionally, and most especially financially.
Sadly, he'll start begging and suddenly realize the folly of his ways when you do not need or want him. Wishing you the very best!
A lot of comments from ladies on this post makes me smile. i ask will they implement same if the shoes were on their legs, or possibly they have similar shoes but choose to still dish out their advice. MANY will choose to keep their homes.
ReplyDeleteShe's my age mate... So young
ReplyDeleteSo sorry poster... God will see you through
Must people cheat?
Is sex food?
Nawa o
The UK has a new visa for health professionals, Google it to get more details and speak with a visa agent
ReplyDeletefor me I think you should wait and have concrete evidence lyk video or something then u file for a divorce here not abroad after d whole thing is sorted out u can travel wit ur kids but let him know u re taking d kids
ReplyDeletemove on ooooo no go get bp because say pesin cheat on u