Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicles Of A Married Man - 15

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Sunday, March 14, 2021

Chronicles Of A Married Man - 15

My sister called me that she wanted to quit her marriage.









 I told her, “You have to fight for your marriage!”. She responded “Fight for what exactly? What kind of fight for a marriage that no longer gives me peace of mind and happiness?”


Over the years I have had this conversation with her a couple of times. At some point she even packed out of the house to rent her own house with the children.


 The husband eventually came with his family to beg. After all, said and done, she went back to the marriage. For her, it has always been a struggle instead of a marriage. The guy has not had a stable job over the 10-year course of their marriage, he has been mostly jobless and, in some cases, lazy I would dare to say.

Being a working woman, she had practically taken care of running the house, paying rents for both the house and her shop, settling the children’s school fees and feeding the home. 


Whenever she calls me complaining, I always told her to manage and endure, that all would be well. In other to encourage her, I took care of the school fees and supporting with rents sometimes. It’s not been easy for her and I do feel her pains.

Should I then encourage her to quit the marriage? The answer is a capital NO.


The subject of my discussion today is this....... 

At what point should one quit an unhappy marriage? Why do we always advise the woman to fight for her marriage, what about the man? Should one continue in an unhealthy marriage just because one wants to bear the title “Mrs” and because of the children or because of what society will say?

To begin with, being single or married or divorced does not guarantee happiness. Happiness is a choice. So, if you approach marriage with this mindset that your happiness is solely dependent on you, you would have solved half of the problems in marriages. 

For example, if your husband decides to cheat on you. Sure, you will feel betrayed, disappointed and heartbroken but how you decide to move ahead with your emotions is solely up to you. You can decide to build a monument of sadness and grief around it or you can move on…weather you decide to remain in the marriage or not.


Secondly, most times, people always fail to see the big picture of things (I have said this before). Like the case of my sister’s husband, the guy is a lovely soul of a human being. He is sure lazy, laid back and unmotivated but the few times he has had jobs, he brings the money back home for the wife and just takes a little for his transport. He sits in my sister’s pharmacy shop to help, support in domestic chores and even run errands for her. She has never mentioned him cheating or being disrespectful to her or even laying a finger on her. 

Moreover, at her age and with four children, what are her chances out there.

 Having a husband for me is a plus for her and I won’t encourage a broken home. So, before we condemn him, why not weigh the good and bad of him.

Some of the situations or conditions causing issues in marriages today are time-based or even temporary; a jobless man today can get employment tomorrow; a wayward man today can change. We have even seen cases of serial cheats becoming faithful husbands later. So, before giving up on the marriage why not carefully and prayerfully consider everything and also give the issue some time.


 Also, some of these so-called issues are things that we can overlook or possibly manage if we decide to.

One of my bosses some years back in Port Harcourt used to be a very randy man. He was the classic case of what we call the “community dick”. His wife was even TTC and was practically fighting all the woman and getting frustrated. She eventually had a child after over eight years. Today, the man is the bishop of one of the popular churches in Port Harcourt. They have an enviable marriage today but it came with years of heartbreak and tears.

Am I advising you to remain in an abusive marriage or in a “situationship” with a serial cheat and an unserious husband? My answer will be “it’s up to you”, not if it will cost you your life and sanity. 

Some of us are not cut out for unnecessary dramas, side-chick wahala and the rigors of having an unstable marriage. In that case, I would say quit.


One of the reasons why our parents stayed longer in marriages is that they saw beyond themselves. Especially our mothers, they endured very uncomfortable marriages because they wanted their children to turn out fine. I wonder the kind of sacrifices we these days, are willing to make for our children and the society.

I have had cause to talk with divorced women, I even dated one in my past life and one question I always ask them when we have such opportunities to talk is; “is there anything you could have done to save your marriage” The answer is always “yes”. So, if the marriage is worth fighting for, why not give it a good fight.

 You never know how things might turn out in five or ten years from now.

Inasmuch as we all want that happily ever after fairy-tale marriage, the reality is way different. 


Trust me, my marriage is very far from perfect. But I always tell myself that it can be better if I put up a good fight at making it better…so we manage what we have.


In other news, I was gisting with my wife the other day and I asked her, “can you die for me?”. She replied “die for who?, for what na! I can’t die for you. After I don die for you, you will then come to my burial with the “side-piece” all in the name of she is consoling you. My dear, nobody is dying for anybody ooo”

I’m still thinking about her response. I’m in “siveeere pains”


Ciao!





*LOL.... why didnt she ask you same question?. This your writeup is what they call sitting on the fence. Neither here nor there cos your hands no clean.lol

54 comments:

  1. Lol 😁😁😁 @ severe pains.

    My question is why is the woman expected to bear the brunt of her husband's cheating ways, but if the reverse were the case, all hell would break loose?
    Can a man continue to pray for his wife while she cheats, with him looking at the future and hoping the best is ahead? Odiegwu!!!

    When you have the answer, then we'll have a dialogue.

    It's the double standards for me!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. @Twins squared,
      I always say that when ladies start treating their cheating men the way men treat their cheating wife, only then will cheating reduce in men.

      I have seen the WhatsApp status of some ladies where they posted a video of a lady warning her female friend not to tell her about her cheating husband again.

      I asked these ladies "will you stay if you find out your husband cheat"
      All of them answered yes.
      Now tell me, what do you think their men will be thinking after watching that kind of post?
      Their men know they are going nowhere if they cheat, so they will cheat without thinking twice.

      One even posted on her status that if you are a lady having sex with her boyfriend, that you are doing pussy giveaway to him, that las las na she still get her man not you.

      Now tell me how her man will feel after seeing that post.


      Delete
    2. Twins Squared YOU SPOKE MY MIND!
      Do unto me as you want me to do unto you!

      Marriage is for companionship and pleasure but if you decide to become the companion of strange women or other shenanigans, BIKO don't expect me die on my knees.

      Go into marriage GIVING AS MUCH AS YOU WANT TO GET.🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️🚢‍♀️

      Delete
    3. Lol..
      I dey laff you.. you women just like to talk when in reality you'll do the opposite. It's the people that listen to all these "women social media groups" advice I pity the most. E go shock you when you discover what these advisers are taking in there homes..

      You want a marriage like the west where 'cheating' is a big deal, but you don't want to copy them in what made their case so..

      Have you heard of all these nonsense Bride price and list there.. have you heard of where the man solely takes care all the financial bills there.. some live-in lovers, yet to marry split bills equally over there, as they're moving in, as the guy the pay rent, the babe dey tidy the furniture.. even common sense and natural law would be against 'cheating' in this situation.. here cheating is cheating in the right sense, not where one babe is cheating the man in the relationship by making him provide for her and all without giving nothing in return, then scream cheating when he run stuff with some other girl, who is the real cheat here?

      If you don't want to be treated like a property, then don't support or do things that makes you look like a property..
      Here is the double standard you're searching for..

      Say all you want, but it would be hard for anyone to be strictly loyal to someone who he gains nothing from, but such person gain everything from him.. theoretically, it looks simple, but in practical it's almost not feasible

      Delete
    4. Gbamest!!!!
      It's always the woman enduring for the sake of the children.
      Why won't men constantly be advised to value their home and commitment for the sake of their children.
      What is 30mins pleasure with a strange woman to compare with a broken home and possibilities of children not growing up with a parent. This here should be the message. Not this constant annoying stupid message of a woman should endure Randy husband for the sake of her marriage until she eventually pays with her life.

      Delete
    5. don't expect me *to* die on my knees. (omission)

      Delete
    6. DANTE my G, you always have a point.

      Tell them that any lady without any source of income is not entitled to be in any relationship/ marriage, the jobless ladies will come for you.

      Welcome to Nigeria where a lady without source of income wants to date/marry a man with multiple source of income and she will still want to feel entitled to his money.

      Later they will come with chronicle "my husband is a chronic womanizer but I don't know how to start a new life if I leave with my kids because I'm jobless"



      Delete
    7. Chike nwoke oma I ji okwuπŸ‘
      Anon 14.00, my mantra has always been aka onye wetere ka e ji e so ya. It means you'll be treated the way you treat me.
      Dante, you must feel 'you' are the best thing that happened to women after party jollof and moimoi. Nwoke m je noro odu. Was any Nigerian man forced to marry Nigerian woman. Technology has made online dating easier, let any man who isn't comfortable with the cultural requirements of taking a Nigerian bride marry an Indian. No man will say he had a gun to his head and was forced to pay the bride price and buy things on the marriage list. It is no excuse to cheat and be a PITA.
      I did not come to this life to keep praying for a grown man to change his cheating ways and be responsible, when there are 1001 VERY important requests to table before God.

      Delete
    8. Bv Twin..
      Going by your words, no woman is also forced with a gun to her head to stay in the marriage.. so quit shouting and constituting nuisance..
      If only you were wise, you'll understand that I want better for the ladies, but selfishness, laziness and baby girl for life mentality won't let them see that fact..
      Una go cry tire

      CHIKE TEFLON.. I sight you hommie, they are not ready yet.. leave them.. Happy mothers day in advance to your future wifey lol

      Delete
    9. My God, who raised this boy like this abeg. I’m sure it’s not ur parents. Where did u start to lose it? I’m quite sure u are from the East because na mostly una be the youngish generation wey still get this archaic mindset.

      Delete
    10. See cry cry baby accusing another of being teary-eyed , kindly wipe off the phlegm dripping into your mouth from endless wailing on women's matter.
      E no tire you? Day in and out you keep whipping this dead horse🐎 and you say someone is constituting a what...? If this isn't the height of being a nuisance, then I don't know what is. I'll come back to sing you a lullaby, it'll probably lull you to sleep for once. πŸ˜…πŸ˜‚πŸ€£πŸ˜œπŸ€ͺ

      Delete
    11. Dante

      Today own no follow

      Delete
    12. @Dante, the second part of your write up is so on point.
      It also astounds me how women think men don't tolerate cheating, just because we don't go crying on social media about it? It'll shock the ladies how many guys in serious relationships have been cheated on by their partners but they swallowed it and trudged on. That's the reality, not the social media brouhaha and crocodile tears.
      Maybe it's time Stella does a 'Men only' post on these issues. It'll be a shocker

      Delete
    13. Women and fight for your marriage all times.

      Can't men fight for their marriages?

      Delete
  2. Mtcheeeeeeeeeew!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This Chronicle reeks of the advice of aman who his wife forgave his cheating

      Delete
    2. As in ehnn...then the part i hate most is 'at her age with 4children,what are her chances out there?!!!!!bcos u are God!!!

      My own has always been dat, d way u treat me, is how I will treat u period! No long talks!

      Delete
  3. Dude, I will answer your questions about your sister;
    If we ladies are sincere, the deal breaker in any marriage is adultery.
    Even God who instituted marriage says so.
    But some ladies, even men decides to forgive and go on, this also is a virtue but should not be forced on anyone.
    A husband not working (secular job) is not a deal breaker. If the woman is earning enough and the husband is helping out at home, the marriage can be happy and successful.
    That was my case for almost ten years. He wasn't working but I practically do nothing at home, not even cooking, shopping or babysitting.
    We mutually love each other and he gives me peace.
    Will I have wished that he had a secular job? Yes; especially thinking "incase, I lost mine or am incapable of working"
    Is he lazy? Absolutely no. If he was idle, drank or kept bad friends, I would have said yes. And I would have
    also been insecure and worried that he might cheat. But Jesus in the union, in our lives, makes the difference.
    Today, the whole thing is past tense.
    We had always trusted each other and had a joint account and he never withdrew more than the threshold for alerts. In fact, he was so detached from money. He makes sure that he bought all we need in the house and more. πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•πŸ’•

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yours is better, I feel betrayed that one who i am supporting all along buy as little as recharge cards for him, pocket money, just uncountable i found out he has been sending data to one useless girl. I cursed the man and that girl, it will never be well with her

      Delete
  4. Women have suffered,from all you wrote no sitting in the fence.its mainly pointing that the woman should stay and fight.
    There is no where you talked about a woman with bad character or attitude or been a cheat,or get a child out of wedlock and the man should endure.

    ReplyDelete
  5. She is not ready to leave that's why she is asking around. When she is ready, she won't ask. You would just hear that she has left. My own deal breaker in a marriage is domestic violence and cheating only because those two things can cost me my life. Everything else is resolvable

    ReplyDelete
  6. If a person cannot die for ones spouse, the answer is simple; the love in the marriage is not enough!
    At least, not like Christ and the church. It means also that trust is lacking in the marriage; just like this man's wife mentioned that he will "come to her burial with a side chick," meaning that she knows that this writer has one already. yes, your hands are not clean.
    A woman who is loved and secure in her husband's love has unlimited potentials.
    I have seen where someone drew a rifle, pointed at a man and the wife stepped in between the shooter and the husband, effortlessly and without thinking: Why? The man gave her cause to do that. He sacrificed his entire family to marry her when they were all against her. When his pastor told him "God said, he should not marry her...and painted a most damning picture of who she is," he dumped the "pastor" because he was sure he heard from God. When this woman was sick with a skin disease that baffled doctors, she was most unattractive, this man stood by her, nursed her, made passionate love to her and prayed her back to health against the doom prophecies of those who "warned him not to marry her." when a lady, the wife's friend attempted to seduce him and blackmail him before the wife, he informed the wife and they both fought her off. The lady later confessed and even spilled who bought her over and sent her.
    So tell me why she won't step in front of that rifle? Did the shooter shoot? Of course not.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Biko what is the title of this movie?

      Very interesting.

      Delete
    2. @ Chike πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ Dying For Love Season 1 episode 5

      Delete
    3. So you were peeping? U saw dem make love..hahahaha lai Mohammed. Linus mbah

      Delete
    4. @Chike and his Twin
      Whenever someone tells of a good, godly experience, you will attack it.
      If I had written that "the man used juju to hypnotize everybody and married her..."
      you will believe it, won't you? Shame!
      The Love of Christ still exists in marriages. Yes!

      Delete
    5. It is only a movie to Nigerians because most of us love selfishly.
      With sincerity and the true knowledge and fear of God, true love actually exists. I have witnessed some.

      Delete
    6. Ang darling you apparently have a solid marriage from your writeups. God continue to keep your home. It is among the few. True love and godly love in marriage is scarce these days. Selfishness abounds.

      Delete
  7. You made some valid points here & I don't support divorce too but in some cases even the now bishop you mentioned the wife would have gone to some bad places for prayers & she could have had one or two terminal health issues in the course of trying to make the husband a better person. It's not easy


    The most Complex B

    ReplyDelete
  8. This one no join today Abeg. You are encouraging your sister who's clearly in an unhappy marriage with a lazy man like you said . How long will you keep paying school fees and rent for them?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Even after his explanation of looking at the bigger picture, in that paragraph where he explained the good side of his brother in law and how the good out weigh the bad, you still come here with your shallow thinking..

      Some of you cannot be helped..case Γ© o critical..

      Delete
    2. Dante or whatever you call yourself,fem! Do you ever look at the 'bigger picture's or look out for the good sides of women? Nonsense and wicked,childish,petty boy-man

      Delete
    3. Dante, stop menstruating on every comment that does not agree with your twisted opinion of women!!!

      Delete
  9. Funny how men encourage woman to stay in unhealthy relationships but when the woman is the one with issues, they don't hesitate to arrange another babe for their guy. They will even cover for their guy who has a trouble free wife but is unfaithful. Mschew!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hmm, oga. If tables change and your brother in law hammers tomorrow, can you guarantee he'll stay faithful to your sister or tolerate her bad side?

    ReplyDelete
  11. Hmmm
    Why are most women always at the receiving end
    Pray and fight for a cheating/adulterous man?
    It's alright.
    Thank God say man no be God.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Na so lazy unemployed husband,be patient, fight for your marriage, it will get better, all men are like dat caused my hard working neighbour with 3 kids to collapse and later had a stroke. Guy man has moved back to the east to work with his brother while wife's sister's are 100% caring for the Children . The women of this generation arent built for the nonsense our mother's bore in marriage

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No mind them jare. They can't take what they give.

      Delete
  13. Our generation should do better.
    Hold the husband accountable too. After all he is the head of the home and his primary responsibility should be to protect it, but sadly the society has made it permissible for husbands to be irresponsible while constantly calling on the poor wife to endure, hold on, pray, fight, and what have you.

    Why not focus more on prevention of the problem rather than it's management.

    If they really care about preserving the family unit as they always claim then men should constantly be admonished to be responsible, avoid home wreckers like a plague, constantly do the needful as the leader of the unit.

    A family where a wife is just enduring, constantly fighting and praying against strange women is not a happy or successful home. And the head of that family has failed in his primary responsibility.

    ReplyDelete
  14. This is an excellent, well arranged pile of horseshit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wish there was a Like ✅ button.
      Thanks for making me laugh.

      Delete
    2. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    3. 🀣🀣🀣 to put it succinctly

      Delete
  15. If your mother made sacrifices so that you will turn out great, why not do same for your children? Why do you want women to make needless sacrifices enduring sacrifices, enduring infidelity and putting her health and life at risk??? Would you endure with a cheating wife for the sake of your children? So why do you want a woman to endure same!!!!!!!!

    If you love your children, makes sacrifices : kill your adulterous desires and stay faithful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Maybe The gene of sacrifice for the sake of the children is not in their DNA

      Delete
  16. This must be an Igbo man. Spawn of Pete Edochie. Nonsense and Buhari

    ReplyDelete
  17. I see where women always say what if it was the man, will he accept the same fate as the woman?
    I will say a woman will have the bragging right to cheat and not be questioned when she can finally walk up to a man, woo him, proposed to him, take care of his needs, pay the bills, handle the marriage right and pay the groom prize, pay the rent and take responsibility for 95% of everything. Even with this such a man will have no moral right to cheat on such a woman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How many Nigerian men are sole breadwinners ? Abeg abeg

      Delete
    2. So because you toast girl,propose to her,marry her and provide for her now means you should act like an animal? Did they force you to marry? Continue o,you are doing very well. Rubbish talk from rubbish men with no discipline nor self control. Tueh

      Delete
  18. I don't know why I agree with you DANTE, you said it all with this: "If you don't want to be treated like a property, then don't support or do things that makes you look like a property..
    Here is the double standard you're searching for..

    Say all you want, but it would be hard for anyone to be strictly loyal to someone who he gains nothing from, but such person gain everything from him.. theoretically, it looks simple, but in practical it's almost not feasible."

    And this right there, goes up in flame with feminine mentality that it's a man duty. Men who wear this responsiveness most often, see women as a property. Yet we are quick to say he does this or that. I'm not saying DANTE's reason as quoted above, limits the many shenanigans men exhibit in their marriages. But dear ladies, in most case it reduces it. A man who understands he has a lot to loss in his marriage to a resourceful woman hardly ever just messes around. Except where the lady has attitudinal issues and an abysmal intolerable character, which is not beyond us as a lady.

    I refuse to be seen nor addressed as a property in my marriage, because we duely complete eachother without prejudice to who does what exactly.

    ReplyDelete
  19. A spouse that is alive is better than a dead one
    No nobody is perfect
    .So far as ones life is not in danger, the marriage should be worked on.

    ReplyDelete
  20. Las las everybody go die one day. People de exist for 1602. Where them now all don go. The cheat, cheatee, cheater and cheated of 1602 where them dey? We all gonna die some day! I beg make i enjoy my pound and edikainkong soup. I got one life to live.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Make una pack out and divorce the man now, Who hold una? I pity who no fear social media advice. 95% shouting. 1% taking the action

    ReplyDelete

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