Stella Dimoko Dr Freaks Journal - How Well Do You Know Your Children /Wards? -


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Saturday, June 05, 2021

Dr Freaks Journal - How Well Do You Know Your Children /Wards? -

Recently, a concerned mother of a 12-year-old boy shared her story with me. 

The son is in a co-ed private school and he happens to be a boarder too. During a routine check, mother discovered that the little lad had joined a WhatsApp group that was created by his classmates. The subjects of discourse were not so 12-like, judging by today's estimation/standard. Wait a minute, who says?

They talked about boys and girls; but never talked about "boys and boys" and or "girls and girls." Isn't the mother lucky? They talked about games, to mention but a few.

After listening to the concerned mother's submission patiently, I simply paused for a moment and took a chill pill before passing a "well considered" verdict. She was hysterical all through the narration but I attempted to calm her nerves down by assuring her that we were going to get to the root of it all.

my memory raced back to the 80's and it steadied at that point where a known family friend handed me a bundle of papers smartly wrapped in a polythene bag, the content of which I later learnt was a love communication exchanges between the subject's daughter and a close relation of mine. The instruction was clear and direct, "hand this over to your dad. I would see him on my way back." 

He later came back as promised and both friends talked behind close doors. By virtue of my position as the "last born" who sat with parents almost everywhere, I later gathered the full gist. 

The two lovebirds who were both 13 and 12 respectively at the time were having an affair and they had exchanged over 50 letters! 

The girl's father discovered the "treasure" and raced to the house of the one who had been "distracting" his son. A familiar "frenemy" at that! Coincidentally, he was the school principal of both lovers. Dad and mum were as disappointed as the other parent, but mum in her wisdom brought up an idea, "let us separate them" and dad did not object. That was how the relation found himself in another school over 30 kilometres away from the babe. Did they stop the affair? NO!

Then I decided to have another stop-over very close to "X School's" gate house, very close to the transformer whose gate was loosely kept in our time. I think I was in Form 2 at the time and I was barely 12 and some friends and I strayed in the direction of that transformer during one of our numerous manual labour moments.

 A naughty idea flashed through the mind of one of the boys. We hadn't done Chemistry and Physics yet, but we had scratched Integrated Science. No thanks to "Baba O'Jesu!" A story for another day right? The boys were knowledgeable enough to know that the transformer contained "mercury" and that same was one of the components for the production of Naira notes (stupid boys like us believed that nonsense) and as such it was rare and in high demand! 

Unanimously, those pre-teen boys decided to plot and strike! I think we invited one or two seniors. Looking back now, I honestly can't remember how the zeal developed wings and took to sudden flight.
The boys never had the opportunity of hatching their plans though, at 12!

Back to the present time, I advised my "concerned mother" friend to go to that school and report her child and demand that her petition be investigated thoroughly. I am aware that the use of mobile phones is prohibited in that school. I am also aware that at that level, in fact at every level, mobile phones can be distracting and I was/am of the view that the criminal act (unlawful possession of a mobile phone in the hostel and creation of a WhatsApp chatroom) be reported and they should be punished for same.

Speaking frankly now, (I'm sure there is no teenager on this page,) I was twelve years old in 1985, then there were no mobile phones, no Internet, no laptops, no satellite channels where I lived, yet kids of my generation were that wild! 

A certain kid stole dollars running into 10,000 from home when dollar was 1 to 7 Naira, yes! Some classmates patronised s.x hawkers as teenagers. Boys did all sort of things as teenagers, no doubt. Let me not dabble in sexuality here.
Today, 35 years after, we have mobile phones, we have the internet, we have the almighty Google, the oracle who has an answer for almost every/any question that the heart of man can imagine. As parents, if you ask me, I think we deceive ourselves too much. With what we knew at the current ages of these little ones, we honestly think they are tamed and innocent hun? You need to see the content of the messages under consideration, "afraid go catch you, you go fear fear!"

 These dudes know so much mates!

Continue or start to educate them on almost everything under the sun before the Internet and or friends get to teach them before you.

In my own case, despite the fact that I had my own dose of delinquency as a child, one thing kept me going, the word of God. All those Sunday School teachings and those "seminary-like" upbringing helped. I attended a school where I was made to pray at least 3 times and before and after every meal daily for those number of years I spent thereat. The Holy Book of the Christians, the faith which I subscribe to admonishes parents to train a child in a way that he should go so that when he pr she is old he or she would not depart from it. 

As a parent, regardless of your religious inclination or proclivity, or none of it, I share the sentiment that this admonition is apposite in some cases.

Do you really know your children and wards?

I am Kunle...


  1. The little 17 years old girl staying with us has been showing me wonders.

    I recently discovered she has a boyfriend she calls "Oga Ken" only God knows how old that yeye man is that she's adding "Oga" to his name.
    He even opened a bank account for and there's 450O presently in it.
    The day I found out ehen, Allah my body weak.
    See, I'm the last child, I've never had a younger one,my nieces and nephews visit once in awhile so I don't even know how to begin my "advice" with this girl.

    I make sure she's comfortable and neat always, I give her 4k monthly to buy whatever, I make sure her hair is well made, body spray, dresses neat and good etc. Infact if you see the braids she made last week, it's almost touching her ass, I just dey look her, she's currently learning tailoring.
    Ever since the boyfriend/bank account saga, I haven't said a word to her, didn't even tell my mom; I only told my immediate elder sister.
    Abeg how do I begin 'the talk' with her? Abi she already knows more than me self?

    We really need to watch them.

    1. Educate her. Sex education is key. Tell her the importance not condom and also the importance of staying celebate. The various types of STDs and how to protect herself. If you're street smart, teach her some skills. Read up too, it'll help.
      Please don't go ahead telling her she shouldn't have a boyfriend or sex. You'll be wasting your breath.

    2. Jokingly ask her abt the boy, mk her super comfortable, it may take days b4 she completely opens up...
      Nxt yr she turns 18( age of consent). B open with her, if possible ask d man/boy b invited home . My opinion,I maybe wrong

    3. @ Q.s invite who home? Na fuck the Man want no be Family meeting abeg oooooo

      ~ ABG

    4. If you gain her trust and the man is only after her body he will not show face

      Then the girl knows beyond all doubt that na body him dey after

  2. Let us stop deceiving ourselves & teach the teenagers all the need to know.

    The most Complex B

  3. Beautiful Kunle, especially your last paragraph!
    The problem of today is smartphones in the hands of juveniles and teens.
    The internet is an ocean; it contains the good, evil, ugly, scary, damnable and the iniquitous.
    If your teen must have a phone, why not get ordinary phones just to receive and make calls?
    Why don't you as a mother fulfil your God's given obligation to bring up your kids in the way of
    the Lord Jesus? Proverbs 31:1-6. Please I talk to those who identify as Christians and everybody that believes in him
    is invited.
    Some think that it is a sign of "we are doing well." Anyway, you are doing well in destroying that child with pornography,
    debauchery and apostate cravings. And you will definitely give account to God how you raised those kids.
    Let's rest it here.

  4. Kunle please, explain what you mean o - @*I share the sentiment that this admonition is apposite in some cases.*

    Are you saying that you believe that training up a child in the right way DOES NOT WORK FOR SOME? What about the Prodigal Son who still returned home?

    1. I think Kunle was only trying to say that the saying is apt and that he believes that it works for many people in most cases. Mind you, he was only writing from the perspective of a Christian and could not have written or held an opinion about other religions which he knows nothing about lest he commits a fallacy of hasty generalisation.

  5. Great article and very well written as usual.

  6. SEx education sex education sex education .. let stop pretending let them know d truth the scaring static didn’t work for our Generation Y will it now work for this kids now..... n let them have religion it’s what guide us n can still help them alittle I said a little because religion now have also been polluted


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