Sunday In House Gists - Hilarious And Interesting Blog Characters On Stella's Blog

This post practically blew me away and i tag it as a must read!

This is a continuation from Friday and if you read 1-7 on Friday, you can continue from 8 or read from 1-15.

Really Interesting read!!!

MEET YOUR BLOG ENEMIES.

On this blog as any other with regular "commenters" and visitors, it is important for you to know that enemies could be made, acquired or inherited. This may be due to your comments, attitude, association or for just no fault of yours. You need to understand where these people are coming from, their mission and exactly who they are so you can either choose to make peace with them or decide to not even lose sleep over their matter at all. So, shall we begin? Okay.


1. Household enemies: Many [Nigerian] Christians are quite familiar with this term and most have even been in spiritual battles with "theirs" for years. On this blog however, the term refers to people who know themselves well, communicate or socialise outside the blog and even so, they do have sub-categories:


a. Siblings: Believe it when I say there are so many siblings who visit the blog. So, imagine that you make a comment or attack a BV whose siblings are also here. Hmmm... just know you have murdered sleep and peace for free. Na shalaye mode get you for here henceforth until/unless you make peace with the aggrieved "principal”; and after you make peace, be sure to apologise to the anonymous people too so that the forgiveness and your peace will be permanent.


b. Parents and their children/wards: Some parents actually recommended the blog to their teenage or adult children so they can learn on various posts especially the Chronicles folder while in some cases it was the children who referred their parents -usually their mothers.


If you attack someone’s parents anywhere in the world, you’d most probably have their children/ward to contend with. Now, imagine the same scenario on the blog where anonymous comments can be made in reprisal. You are in for a long battle my dear. You will not know your enemies but your enemies definitely know you. That's why some of the anonymous comments under yours sound the same. Dem don discuss your matter for house already and reached a general conclusion to "deal with you". So Anon 12:09 is not necessarily Anon 1:05 but dem fit know themselves reach house.


c. Couples: Some of them even met here and are either now married, just dating or "planning" to date. So, if you fight one, be ready to fight two people. One with an ID and a ferocious anonymous who will carry the matter like serious dreadlocks.



2. Parapo enemies: These are patriotic, nepotic or fanatical indigenes/citizens of a region or country. You know how Nigerians on Twitter “finish” anyone who is unfortunate enough to come for [a] Nigerian[s]? Exactly! Also, be thou informed that there are many non-Nigerian BVs on this blog as well, so if you give an inaccurate information or make a nasty comment about their country, be assured you'd see an anonymous spit fire under your comment for a while. The only way to avoid this group of enemies is to avoid making "geographical" comments.




3. BBN cult-geng: Ha! Don’t be unfortunate! Don’t be what? Unfortunate! Love your favourite housemate in peace and don’t fight or comment under any “hater’s” comment. SDK is a big blog land so just buy your own separate plot of land (data is the currency we spend here), scroll down and type your nice/supportive comment jeje.


Be assured that most of us already have our individual opinions of these people and whether you fight or kill yourselves, our opinions will probably NEVER change. Some of these people you are fighting are “paid supporters” or “paid haters” who are just doing their “jobs” on various blogs. Therefore, stop hyperventilating especially if you’re not related to the housemates in any way or “paid” to promote them.


Don’t coman go and die before your time because someone types that your favourite is lousy or shallow. Housemates be cruising the world living la vida loca; Nkechi and Tolani wey their area never see NEPA light for three weeks dey threaten themselves with Amadioha and Sango for blog unto housemate matter. Super irony of life.




4. Celebrity and fans: Make no mistakes about it, celebrities full here 24/7 kpamkpam like Titus sardines (when the people making it still had the fear of God of course. Na “Next level” sardines we dey kuku chop now🙄). Anyways, celebs or their managers will reply directly to your comment here under “anonymous” because they wouldn’t want to blow their cover.


They will set the records straight, refute certain claims, attempt to “dismiss” the gist or simply fight you. Their colleagues, frenemies and enemies too will usually appear to spill more tea on the matter. So, when you make a comment against a celeb, be ready for their family and "real" friends in anonymous mode. Their fans and 1.5 horsepower air-conditioners too will join in the fight in all modes (Original ID, plastic ID and the indefatigable anonymous gang) and everything will now turn to “yam pepper scatter scatter". Chai!



Comments will go from 10-102 in 4 minutes, Iya Bambinos will be perspiring to aspire to approve comments, BVs who can’t find their “venom” (sorry comments) as e dey hot will begin to threaten Stella in different languages, some comments will enter spam mail; the ones with Palestinian missiles will enter Israeli Iron dome alias Stella’s pot of soup, more accusations, curses and threats will be flying upandan, comments section will start suffering the carryover of the fight, Stella will be shouting “stop littering the comment section”. Whosai! Dem no go hear o...then Stella will now post Boxing ring two days later to quench the fire! Ha! Sweet relief.


The wise ones will seize the opportunity to settle their differences while some will prefer to be walking around with 3 bags of Dangote cement on their compressed chest always looking for ways to attack their “enemy’s comments” in anonymous mode. This blog na cruise aswe.



5. Blog-frenemies geng: These ones hail one another with original IDs and will only attack like vipers in anonymous mode. The ones who thought they were loved will now be “shocked” at anonymous “haters from nowhere” and retreat for two weeks or one month to weep privately. One month later, the same people who attacked in anonymous mode will begin to ask (with their original ID of course) on SP or IHN: “BV Goodheart, hope you are fine. I’ve not been seeing your comment.



Please drop by to let us know you are fine. I hope you did not run away because of bullies and trolls. Don’t let them chase you away o. I miss you like oxygen." Then follow up the sweet comments with a dozen emojis❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️😘😘😘😘😘😘”. Hian! World people! Fear BVs that your days may be long on this blog. Then you the "wounded runaway BV" too will return and "they" will roll out the red carpet to welcome you back.


Your heart too will be sweeting you “medemede” like too much sugar but if dem born you well, lose-guard again under any post and they will wear their anonymous cloak again to attack you whilst defending you with their original ID. The cycle continues until you finally borrow sense. That’s why the wise blog ancestors never join in blog fights. Na to enjoy the free drama sure pass.


***Please note that there are genuine BVs who truly love you, miss you and will defend you regardless but dem no reach half of those wey dey hail you. Know this; know



6. Enemies of progress: The only thing these ones have against you is that you are not squatting in the slums of Makoko, you can eat “four” square meals, fuel your car, take a few trips to holiday-destinations, be in a loving marriage/relationship, have brilliant kids, can generally afford the “little things” they call “luxury" and then dare to talk or “boast” about it on the blog. How dare you! You don enter list be dat o.



They will set plenty traps for you and believe me, they will catch you (especially if you’re lying). That your 4-star general uniform ehn, dem go demote am go sergeant or corporal and troll you until you change ID laslas. As for the genuinely rich or comfortable, the day you now decide to do giveaway either with your blog ID or as anonymous, na these “doubters/haters” go first apply for the giveaway and woe betide you if they are not selected to be gifted. They will say you "selected the recipients" who are actually your other blog IDs to collect your giveaway yourself and that you are clout chasing. Hian! 

Your anonymous enemies will triple overnight and only the strong will survive.



7. Enemies of truth/hypocrites: These ones will “tolerate” or “forgive” any sin posted in “anonymous” mode. Sure, they’ll chastise you with the rod of Moses but forget it soon afterwards. However, if your village people push you to “confess” anything with your ID, you are “done” for! You are what? Eh-hen. All the immigration officers of heaven will come out with guns blazing to shoot you to eternal damnation. No degree of repentance will make them forget or move on. They will be on your case forever or until you change ID.




They hammer so much on sexual immorality as if it’s the only sin in their own version of the holy book. They don’t want to know that virgin-witches/wizards exist or that a murderer (either with weapons or words) can decide not to have sex for life. Behold! If only you could ask their church members about them; you'd be amazed that they’d probably not make heaven even if there was a “supplementary” list so tey Jesus sef go talk say he no send dem wicked message.

8. “Chronicles” enemies: These are the ones who send in their chronicles in anonymous mode. The moment you comment what they don’t like or give “harsh judgements” on their matter, you don enter be dat. After all, na BVs wey dey the blog dey send chronicles. Outsiders cannot know Stella’s email address. You will just find new or increased enemies/attackers under your comments overnight. If you no get liver, don’t comment “harshly” on chronicles o because the “chronicle owner” will deal with you on other posts. Simple.




9. Stella’s “favourites/giveaway” enemies: These ones just hate anyone Stella mentions “nicely” or appears to like on the blog including those who are selected for giveaways. Once Stella start to dey pour encomium for your head, you don buy market be that as the “Stella’s favourite” that you is. They will use their blog calculator to check how many times you’ve received money or data on the blog, the year and exact date you received and then use almighty formula to calculate your level of success since the giveaway. Na those ones wey collect “crayfish giveaway” that year I pity pass. 

Dem hear whiiiin for this blog. I wish Martins or Stellz could share the "crayfish era" links here. Chai! Serious cruise. So, if you think you’re being attacked or trolled now, rejoice! For those crayfish receivers were the real blog martyrs. Enemies monitored them until they used the last komkom of Oron crayfish to cook soup. Wallahi, madt BVs yapa for this joint😂🤣.



10. SDK[‘s] enemies: Eh-hen! This set of "enemies" get chieftaincy title o; they are the real Odogwus. They neither like Stella nor her blog BUT they sleep and wake up here 24/7. They monitor her posts, always look for typographical/other errors, cry over her bambino tales, send her inbox venoms and attack her in anonymous mode. This group consists of “other-blogs” loyalists, frenemies, those who knew her from (home, school, work in Nigeria etc) and just love to troll, old BVs who felt offended by how she handled certain controversial blog issues, those who feel she “deliberately” exempts them from giveaways, those who “hate” her “favourite BVs” and decided to extend the hatred to her, those whose comments enter her Banga soup pot, those who feel she “protects” her favourites during fights, the chauvinists on NL who are pro-men and believe SDK blog BVs are basically pro-women; that one is a gender war in short.



11. The Age-O-meter enemies: These are enemies you acquire for being an "overachiever at your age". Nobody is left out by this group (BVs and Celebs alike). Just celebrate your birthday in peace without mentioning your age if you want the day to be a truly happy one for you. Don't coman be a graduate driving an RR with plenty endorsements and popularity and say you are just 25 years old o! Ha! BVs will come for you with the speed of lightning! They will ask how you can be 25 when they are 33 and you both sat for WAEC the same year!😠. 

Dem go vexxxxx! 

What some of the age calculators will not add is that they repeated classes twice in secondary school, didn't pass WAEC and JAMB the same year the celeb did [some BVs did GCE for another 3years, eventually passed JAMB 2 years after that and had an extra year at the university]. Whilst they were struggling with all these "trials and tribulations", the celeb was already through with their NYSC before these set of enemies ever step foot in a tertiary institution! Don't take it to heart though; even little Emmanuela's age was debated when she started getting endorsements and when she recently built a house for her mom.


Three years ago, some said her voice didn't match her age and how could she have started growing breasts at that age? No matter your age, as long as you've achieved anything especially as a Naija female, the blog historians and archeologists must come for you. That is not to say many Nigerians are not guilty of age falsification BUT they wouldn't even give the ones telling the truth a chance even if the midwives who delivered them were to swear with Egbesu and Ayelala.




12. Clout-chasing enemies: These ones are usually new BVs who are bent on using drama to gain blog popularity. When BVs refuse to acknowledge their presence, they look for an already popular BV and "attack" kpam! Factions will arise from the fight immediately. Those who do not like the popular BV will support the new BV and voila! Mission accomplished. New BV will collect blog medal and get automatic promotion to "Popular BV" status. Soft werk.




13. Silent BVs geng: These are the original 5-star general witches and wizards on the blog. They usually send their pictures on IHN or adverts with "I've been here since 1872 but I'm a silent BV"😱. If I hear say you "silent" anything! 

Who be the people wey dey use AK rifle shoot wicked comments enter blog or create wicked drama? Who be the ones wey dey clone ID? Who get all the "new new" blog IDs wey dey manifest during blog giveaways? Abeegiiii! Na today Nigerian government useless? Confess and own your witchcraft with your chest biko make we hear word. Of course, they will disagree and still comment their disagreement under anonymous "silently". Ndi silent BVs, una doh o!😂😂



14. Bold enemies: there is a certain class of enemies that deserve your absolute respect and they are the ones that "attack" you with their IDs. These ones are bold unlike the other groups of cowards who hide under anonymous to perpetrate all manner of evil. You see these bold ones ehn, argue, quarrel or fight [with] them but also give them maximum RESPECT. They tell you exactly what the problem is and so you know who to apologise to or reconcile with when fight don tire you.




15. Loving "enemies": Finally, you see those ones who show you love with their IDs and yet bash or correct you when you misfire with the same IDs ehn, they are your angels on this blog- the ones who truly love you and have no time for bojuboju (hide and seek). Pray for them for they are the "real Christians and Muslims" in my "proud" opinion. Abeg I don tire for humble opinions upandan.

 ADVICE: There are two ways to respond to anonymous [and other] blog enemies. You can choose the "No response" option thereby starving them of the attention and adrenaline they so crave and thrive on or you can choose the "We die here" method by going ballistic too. I kukuma love drama.



To all those who love AND "bash" with their real IDs, I commot cap for una🎓. Respect mamitos! 😍❤👏👏👏. Y'all are my Wo[man] Crush everyday. Keep it up✔. God bless you all. ****And before you ask: No, I no get job. Wetin I get na time😁. I personally consider it a federal crime that a BV with 3 registered IDs, 4 plastic IDs, 5 cloned IDs and 77 anonymous tones and styles will coman be claiming "Silent BV😱. If you wan loud nko? But then it's all fun and that's why there'll never be a dull moment here lailai. 

As a BV, have fun, have sense BUT watch your six. Your enemies are not from space, they are not spirits, they are right here! 

Thanks for posting Stellz maami😍. The only time I am "your enemy" is when you "interrupt" ongoing drama by not posting all the missiles and responses 😠. I gat something seriously serious to say about that😁

Written by BV Amebonamywork

*I read these twice and i laughed so hard cos the nail hit the spot correctly...

You did not miss out any category at all.