The Bishop says :
''If in the process of fact finding (courtship), you discover you cannot go on any further with your partner, because you both disagree on ideas and your expectations do not agree, COMMON SENSE DEMANDS THAT YOU CALL IT QUITS AT THAT POINT.
Your decision on who to marry shouldn’t be based on dreams.
A marriage proposal must be based on articulated facts :-
- Are we going in the same direction?
- Do we have the same goals? God respects your choice so don’t be afraid to make one .
I cringe in exasperation when I see people who disagree on critical issues still trying to form a permanent relationship like marriage. The foundation of every marriage relationship should be based on the scripture in Amos that says: "Can two walk together except they agree?" Why do you think the Bible demands that Christians not be unequally yoked with unbelievers?
Religion is one of the critical things that you and your partner must agree on. It can even go as far as the church you will both attend. If you think it's not necessary to agree on things like these, try and imagine the kind of atmosphere your children will have to grow up under, if both of you disagree on major religious beliefs.
Discipline is another critical issue. How will the house be like, if one parent believes in corporal punishment, while the other believes that a soft answer will calm down the rebellion?
Then there is finances. How will it look like if one person believes money is meant to be spent, while the other is cautious and financially intelligent?
These are some of the issues you must discuss with your future partner during courtship. Dating is not a period for always going out, always having a good time or always having s#x. Rather, it is for you to discover whether or not the man or woman you will spend the rest of your life with will be compatible with you. And if you find out that you don't agree with beliefs that the person holds on major issues, then it is for your own good to call off the relationship immediately''.
I cringe in exasperation when I see people who disagree on critical issues still trying to form a permanent relationship like marriage. The foundation of every marriage relationship should be based on the scripture in Amos that says: "Can two walk together except they agree?" Why do you think the Bible demands that Christians not be unequally yoked with unbelievers?
Religion is one of the critical things that you and your partner must agree on. It can even go as far as the church you will both attend. If you think it's not necessary to agree on things like these, try and imagine the kind of atmosphere your children will have to grow up under, if both of you disagree on major religious beliefs.
Discipline is another critical issue. How will the house be like, if one parent believes in corporal punishment, while the other believes that a soft answer will calm down the rebellion?
Then there is finances. How will it look like if one person believes money is meant to be spent, while the other is cautious and financially intelligent?
These are some of the issues you must discuss with your future partner during courtship. Dating is not a period for always going out, always having a good time or always having s#x. Rather, it is for you to discover whether or not the man or woman you will spend the rest of your life with will be compatible with you. And if you find out that you don't agree with beliefs that the person holds on major issues, then it is for your own good to call off the relationship immediately''.
*So true but it is easier said than done. A Couple can be blindly in love and refuse to part despite the differences.
👍👍👍👍👍
ReplyDeleteApt
Marry ur friend and someone who love God. Make sure he tick almost all ur boxes. Dnt be desperate.
DeleteI'm at that point in my life where I don't know if to let go. It's been years with this person and so many signs. God help me.
ReplyDeleteStella like you said, it's easier said than done.
If after so many years together, you are feeling this way and unsure, that's a big red flag. It's time to let go. Let it go now else you'll regret!
DeleteMy dear Lucent, I have been there & I know how it feels with the so many signs, please don't ignore your gut feeling, why don't you pick pen & paper, write out those 'signs', ask yourself genuinely if with this signs, you can live permanently, raise your kids etc.
DeleteYou are not colour blind my dear, stop ignoring it.💕
With a name like Lucent you of all persons should know exactly what to do.
DeleteHmmmm
ReplyDeleteHmmm i still believe marriage rules depend on individuals involved. I have seen children raised in mixed marriages that turned out way better than those raised in homes where they attended same church.
ReplyDeleteAlso people change. I have gone through circumstances and situations that changed me 100%. I jettisoned some ideas that i went into marriage with eg I have left the Pentecostals after so many years. To each their own
hmmmm.....
ReplyDeleteMen I sha saw plenty signs that my marriage wasn't going to work, but I kept going as I was seriously in love... Then life happened.. it's well!
ReplyDeleteLearn not to ignore the signs oh, a broken relationship is better than a broken marriage
Hand Sanitizer, signs go always dey every where. It is what signs you can live with and what you can't live with. Also, a guy may thick most of your boxes, but do you tick most of his?
DeleteThis relationship thing is a very trick thing. You see a guy dying for a girl, yet she doesn't even send him at all, and the guys she has her eye on doesn't send her.
True, but he missed some important points I was looking to see.
ReplyDeleteWhy not say it. yeye
DeleteHis has said his own; you talk your own. He didn't miss any point.
DeleteYou an agree on all these but when the time comes, one person will not abide and there starts the problem. Just pray make temptation no come.
ReplyDeleteCHOMIL, thank you very much! What happens in this such a case? I have seen couples who had agreed on a lot of things then they get married and the situations are playing out as expected instead of them sticking to what the agreed upon or an improvement on it, one party decides to make a 180 degree decision. It is so annoying and frustrating.
DeleteFacts but will people, intending couples understand and follow up on it?
ReplyDeleteDesperation to get married should be tamed first
I saw the signs but I ignored. I shouldn't have married her. Please always read the signs before marriage.
ReplyDelete"not always having sex...?" Huh?
ReplyDeleteSo they can have sex, i.e. fornicate during dating but not "always?"😮😮😮😮
And how about "flee fornication?" 1 Cor. 6:18
You are pathetic. In all his write up you choose to twist his words and not see that he is also talking against pre marital sex. You chose "always" and in your sick religious mind you refuse to see he is trying to say courtship is not about having sex.
DeleteYour kind of Christianity is like that of the pharisees and saducees. Even Christianity spoke against your kind.
Accuser of the brethren.
Is not so easy to part ways, marriage has no manual just seek the face of God and submit your desires to him and trust in his perfect will.
ReplyDelete"Your decision to marry someone should not be based on dreams..." right?
ReplyDeleteOkay;
Mathew 1:20 But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him IN A DREAM and said,
“Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, because what is conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit.
Well, you have to have a relationship with Jesus, know his words in order to be able to discern dreams from him.
No BLIND LOVE is true love at all and that is why after the blindness clear, reality sets in. Then they begin to rope God and cry on social media. Love is opening your two eyes wide, knowing it's a long haul and asking yourself if you have the capacity to go all the way keeping the future in perspective. Number of kids to have, finance, religion, school, visitors from both sides etc are very critical, mbok. A white girl will make do with flowers/roses as love symbol but can an African and particularly Nigerian agree to that? Just flash the cash, status and pedigree and watch the blind lust increase.
ReplyDeleteIt's just God.
ReplyDeleteI just pray that I find the man destined for me.
Cos when someone is single, is not because the person wants to.
But when the relationship isn't working.
A broken relationship is better than a broken marriage.
I and my HUbby weren't that compatible during courtship. there were so many things we always disagree o but I decided to go on with the marriage because he was the only man I could love. 6yrs now in marriage, I am happy I made the right choice we have come to understand ourselves more and agree more on things especially on finance. we now seek both advice before embarking or making some decisions. marriage is a continuous working on yourselves and rediscovery yourselves through understanding
ReplyDeleteNow, imagine if you had done this and one party remained obstinate, refusing to improve.You took a risk, one better avoided.
DeleteI am married. I only had to measure his flaws against my tolerance level. Every now and again, I talk to him about it, but frankly, they are negligible to me. If they weren't, I would never have married him with a dream of us growing and working on ourselves in marriage. Our mothers were those women so we wouldn't be them.
I was thinking on this angle too. Sometimes the couple is young and immature and need to work themself out. It just a hit or a miss. There is no absolute involved in what will make a marriage work.
DeleteFor me it is always living in a peaceful home and being able to just be me. The idea of having to walk on eggshells and only being able to speak only if I am first spoken to and forbidden from even addressing certain things, that shyt ain't for me. Marriage should improve you in every way, your good qualities should even shine brighter and your bad ones so diminished they almost disappear.
I've been married for 11yrs now and I kept asking what am gaining from it. I am a salary earner that supports my husband financially, but I have not found a friend in him yet. Sex with him is terrible even though he married me a virgin. I feel so bitter cos I feel he was an oppotunist cos my parents rejected the man I brought cos he is not from my place I vowed not to marry but started pushing for masters abroad and I wasn't allowed to so I was left with no option than to marry but my feelings are still with my ex. I tried everything possible to him close to me but it failed am very sad and depressed.
ReplyDelete