Hmmmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
URGENT ADVICE NEEDED
Stella Nwanyioma, Please post for me, I really need suggestions:
I live with a 23 year old help. She's on monthly salary.
This is her first time of leaving her village, so work plenty on her matter. She has been serving me well for the past 4months but the main issue I have is that she ALWAYS cries any time she's rebuked.
If you just correct her with raised voice, she will start crying. I have three children and I don't want them to learn this habit. How do I help her .
I like her as a person; even with her deep immaturity issue.
*Madam what she has is not deep immaturity issue, she might be depressed or emotionally handicapped.
Please stop shouting at her, sit with her and discuss the behavior.
Keep us updated!
Maybe u should find other ways to rebuke or shout at her, abi throat no dey pain you?
ReplyDeleteMadam, there is nothing wrong with her. Stop raising your voice to get your point across since you have seen the effect it has on her. Some persons are just like that.
DeleteI hope you don't use abusive words like " big for nothing", "foolish girl", "silly thing".
DeleteYou know when we are angry, we tend to use harsh words. And words can really hurt.
Talk to her like you would to your daughter.
DeleteStop shouting on her. Be calm and correct her with love.
Don't know why some of you can't be nice to other people's children.
Bye Felicia!!😎
It's probably ptsd
Delete15:53 Tor! Maybe that's how she talks to her daughter?
Delete15:53 Tor! Maybe that's how she talks to her daughter?
DeleteEverybody be oyibo for this blog. So your parents didn't shout or flog you growing up? Story. Most of them want to be treated better than your kids. How please?
DeleteI taught my kids to start doing their own dishes room tidy hoovering taking bin out from age 7 they’re now pros. They’re so tidy even outside. Don’t let the use of house help ruin our kids na una sabi btw I live abroad
DeleteBabyboo help me and ask them oo, hypocrites everywhere.
DeleteHmmm!
ReplyDeleteMadam poster you should be worried that your kids might learn the condescending shouting habit from you as well.
DeletePlease shouting doesn't equate effective communication
Madam correct her with LOVE. Except say na coconut head wey no dey hear word.
DeleteTry have a talk with her. Something else may be making her cry and not your shoutings. But why shout at a 23year old lady? She's not a kid now.
ReplyDeleteMadam I think you are the one who has alot to learn from her. For your mind to have become conditioned that correction must be violent or in anger with raised voice, then you should pray your children learn from her and never accept violence as an ok way of teaching and learning. She is impressive and has a healthy sence of dignity in spite of her rural upbringing.
DeleteYou only have more money than her family but they are richer than you.
"Anytime I raised my voice"🙄must you always raise your voice? After plenty work including washing your husband and your children clothes,wash plates,sweep the house,probably not enough rest cause with the way you mentioned up there,you come jam all these with raising voice!!.madam stop raising your voice on her OK,not every child can swallow such speaker voice of yours.
ReplyDeleteAnd who told u she is so wicked to the girl? Haba. Everyone raises their voice at one point or the other. I can’t imagine not shouting when my children or someone annoys me. Pls let’s be realistic!
DeleteM/sir,dey calm down na,never called her wicked.and pls go back and read again.she saidsaid,she always raise her voice to correct her.why am I even arguing with you self
DeleteAnon 16:25 thank you.
DeleteEveryone now forming Saint like they don't raise their voices sometimes.
The way we form saint on this blog scares me.......is more like there should be no more correction on this earth
DeleteI was just wondering when raising one voice becomes a crime which is even better than beating.
DeleteThank you from anon. She washes and sweeps. The madam probably has a washing machine, cooks her food herself and still goes out to hustle for money every day. Who should be more stressed? The work most of them do are regular children chores.
DeleteI am not wicked to her in any way Pls.
DeleteI think everytime u raise ur voice at her, she relives a trauma from before. She needs counselling
ReplyDeleteIf she came from a sad past, that's why she cries..
DeleteYou remind her of how hard life has been and what she is missing living as a help at that age.. 23yrs is not a child and should be independent..
If her parents or mother is no more, she is depressed and crying is a way of relief..
Speak to her and treat her better like your younger sister.. Help make her life better.
Thank you I will see to that
DeletePoster
Make her understand that each time you rebuke her, there's a lesson to be learnt, you don't hate her, you just want her to be a better person. Only you know how you rebuke her. Study her very well and be sure it's not a form of manipulation or emotional blackmail.
ReplyDeleteThank u Troy. Nice statement. It may be manipulation. Not every shout is out of wickedness. Sometimes it’s out of love.
DeleteSince you have understood this about her, it will be helpful if you can correct through other ways like sitting her down to talk to her. Just take her like your own. Happy Sunday!
ReplyDeleteThis poster is funny in a way. Imagine identifying the problem, and yet asking further question.
DeletePlease, isolate raising your voice and reprimand her calmly. People tend to understand correction better when it explained. Going forward, try control your emotions when correcting her - restain your flares by biting your lips next time.
Stop rebuking her in front of d kids. Remember she's coming 4rm a different background and environment.
ReplyDeleteRebuke with low and not by shouting. 8m very sure she will learn and step up too.
Youngie Grandma
Some of you ladies treat your maids and domestic workers so badly. It is not surprising going by the way you fight strangers here.
ReplyDeleteIf your daughter at that age behaves this way, what will be your response? Always do to others as you would like to be treated.
I beg forget that one. My children are bw 15 and 22 and when they annoy me I scream at them. It’s normal to scream when angry. So she should smile when the girl does something g wrong cos she doesn’t want to hurt her feelings?
Delete16:23 no it's not 'normal ' to 'scream'.
DeleteIt is very very abnormal.
The fact that you were brought up that way does not make it 'normal'.
The fact that your entire lineage, neighbours, friends scream at each other whenever upset does not make it 'nornal'.
It is animalistic.
That you were not taught self control when upset, and how to effectively convey your thoughts without shouting is not your fault.
You imitated what you saw and saw sight is was normal and now will hand it to your children as a way of life.
Nigerian adults are suffering from so much childhood trauma that has been labelled 'normal'. Which is why they behave in extremely abnormal ways and have a very primitive way of addressing issues. Ie low to absent emotional intelligence
Why don't you scream at your boss and colleagues when they upset you?
Please treat that young adult with respect.
And stop screaming at her and anyone else for that matter.
It is possible to communicate effectively without it.
@17:37
Delete👍👍👍👍👍👍🥂
Anon 17:37 kisses to you. See the yeye person up there saying it’s normal to yell. No wonder why we have a lot of childhood trauma. Yelling, beating kids mercilessly did not solve and will never solve any issues!!!! I still struggle and suffer ptsd from how my dad beat me like I wasn’t his daughter growi mg up. It is not healthy!!!
DeleteI learnt how to bark like a mad woman like my mum smh some parents destroyed their kids life with bad habits now my voice is hoarse like an Igbo smoking thug God help me . My poor daughter too is learning it and rubbish goes on
DeleteLearn to correct her with love, she's an adult, maybe you scold her like a child.
ReplyDeletePlease take it easy on her.
ReplyDeleteTonia
Try another pattern
ReplyDeleteEvery time she cries, shes saying in her mind "i no blame you, na condition" its not immaturity madam, its depression. And maybe you are just few years older than her. With the way shes going, she will slap you one day.
ReplyDelete...Stop shouting at her (or anybody for that matter), unless you naturally have a loud voice (even with this try to control the pitch). I personally hate being shouted at or watching people being shouted at, even though her reaction is quite extreme for her age. Increase your points not your voice! Well done for treating her well (asides the shouting). Cheers!
ReplyDeleteCan't you correct her without raising your voice? She's no longer a child you know..condition make crayfish bend sha
ReplyDeletePls all of u saying she should not raise her voice should stop it. Which of us doesn’t raise our voice on someone? It is a natural human reaction. So the poster should change her behavior? My dear pls raise ur voice on her. She has to learn that, that’s life and sometimes she is going to meet people that will shout on her. So if her HOD in uni shouts on her or her office employer shouts on her she will cry?? All u need to do is let her know that raising ur voice doesn’t mean anything bad. My mother raised her voice on me all the time and tho I cried, after a while I realized it’s a normal reaction to anger and doesn’t mean she hates me. It just means she’s upset and it will pass. Said house maid will raise her own voice on her children when she has them. Does it mean she hates them???? It’s all part of life!!
ReplyDeleteI concours with ur statement I shout at my younger siblings when they piss me off my parents does the same to me I will also do the same to my children .
DeleteThank you o. Everybody don turn to saint
DeleteBoth of you need therapy. You have no idea the trauma you have been put through but will pass it on to your children as 'normal'.
DeleteWhy should your HOD at the university shout at you? Why?
Why should your 'office employer ' or colleagues shout at you? In an office Mon Dieu.
All of you that cannot address issues without shouting have mental health issues. Take it or leave it. That's why people who grew up around you have self esteem problems.
DeletePlease while reading your voice, don't call her names or remind her of her low background.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmm....
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is,. She has been emotionally traumatized before and ur shouting keeps reminding her of those past events..
Like myself,, anytime you tell me you will slap me, the first thing I remember is what happens to my ear when mum slapt me then..so it makes me go mad and I can go any length with you
We all loose it when things don't go as we expected , so what is all this sanctimonious comments don't raise your voice , like y'all don't ? Abeg oo let be real .
ReplyDeleteSome of them even fight like touts here, imagine what they're like offline, but they will be writing saintly advice online steady steady 😀😀
DeleteYou need to let her know that u raising your voice at her doesn't mean u hate her.make her to understand u rebuking her means u love her. Let her get ready for more life experience. Hmm! a 23yrs old female maid. I am sure her body organs will have develop to a ripe stage. U better hold your husband tight so that we won't hearing stories that touch the heart. Hmm! there shall be no loss of husband.
ReplyDeleteNatasha, Natasha!!!
DeleteHold her husband tight? What has that got to do with the post?
DeleteBy the way some men are well discipline.
Don't come and put sand in someone's garri.
Since you've understood that about her,try using a different approach like using a firm,normal voice to reprimand her after previous corrections.She's obviously emotional about leaving home,and the problem that made her leave in the first place may be overwhelming her too,take it easy,with time,things will normalize.
ReplyDeleteTalk to her like a big sister..reduce the shouting
ReplyDeletePeople are different and react in various ways.
ReplyDeleteThere are ways to bring out the best in her and not by shouting.
All the best
She how she’s down playing ‘raised voice”. madam you shout at her point blank! She’s a grown adult and treat her as such for Gods sake! Hell it’s disrespectful shouting and correcting her in that manner in front of your kids. She’s probably going through ptsd or depressed like others have mentioned. Sit her down and ask her why she cries whenever you correct her. I bet you if you correct her in a firm and assertive way but with love, and ask her what’s really going on, she’ll open up to you. Always shouting shouting shouting habaaaa.
ReplyDeleteThe way you wrote your chronicle make you sound like a horrible person. "Work plenty on her matter" "she has been serving me well" "she cries anytime she is rebuked". Please search yourself and see if you are the reason for her distress. Our words say more about us than we think. Peace.
ReplyDeleteMadam keep quiet. Stop bulling her stop raising your voice. You should be happy she cried. Some will just keep quiet carry piss put for your food.
ReplyDelete