Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 45

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Sunday, October 03, 2021

CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 45

Having children as a married couple or single ,changes ones life forever....











Everything about you, especially the woman will change. Giving birth to children is already a challenging task on its own; but giving birth to a physically or mentally challenged child is a whole new ball game altogether.

A senior colleague of mine got married in his late forties for reasons best known to him to an equally mature woman, in her late thirties. They gave birth to their first child and the boy was blind from birth. It was devastating to us all when we heard the news.

You can imagine the trauma of having to guide your own child from sitting, crawling to walking without sight. They could not even bring themselves to bear another child again as the burden of taking care of one blind child was already too big to bear.

A second colleague of mine came to visit my family some years ago with their children. When I took their male child who wanted to use the rest room to ease himself. I saw the size of his privates and it made me really sad. For a boy of seven years, his privates was just the size of a cigarette stick with a length of less than one inch!

I knew that the parents already have a huge job cut out for them in bringing up the boy because his privates was always going to be an issue for the rest of his life. They will have to put an extra effort to build his self confidence in a society where size can mean a whole lot to a man.

Nobody prays to have a child with a disability, be it innate or from an accident. As if the rigors of taking care of a child is not enough, a disabled child will stretch you to your limits. Some parents had to quit their jobs and career, relocate or even lose their life savings in catering for such child. Others had to contend with a prejudiced society and lack of understanding from people who should be empathic in the first place but will choose to do otherwise while at the same time bringing up the child in a way to build his/her confidence that disability is not inability.


This can be really stressing and draining to any parent…nobody wishes for such life or child.

When we had our third child, I didn’t know there was anything called Colic at that time. When the child would start crying nonstop for a whole day and my wife would do everything within her knowledge but he wouldn’t stop crying, she got confused. For three straight days she didn’t sleep. I was offshore then and I was worried sick.

I did lots of research and asked lots of medical personnel about it before I  discovered there was something called Colic in the first place. Different people came up with different suggestions and treatment method. Google even made it worse when I found out that there was no confirmed known medical cure for it as it is still being studied. It can only be managed till the child grows up.

This incident of colic went on for several months and my wife never got used to it. It was always very traumatic for her when the crises comes. I had to give her all the encouragement possible, especially when I am at work. There was no drug both local or orthodox that she didn’t try.

That event made me realize what lots of parents with disabled children have to go through bringing them up. It is indeed not easy.

In a society like Nigeria where medical and social services are almost nonexistent; having such a child will take a huge toll on such parents especially the low-income earners. May God help such parents.

 
Got to go now, till next week.


Ciao!

46 comments:

  1. Disability is not a good thing at all. God created everything perfect; he said in Genesis 1 that they were "very good"
    But we live in an imperfect world where the "god of this world;" Satan has confused people to seek the things of this life in multiple ways and pierce themselves with many griefs.
    The blessings of God is without sorrows but "the sorrows of them will multiply that seek after other gods" Psalms 16:4

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    Replies
    1. I really don't understand your 2nd paragraph

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    2. Anon..am confused here.. please I need you to explain further please.

      I have a different idea about what u commented up there

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    3. @Pinky
      Why don't you state your "different idea," who knows, that is where we might learn from. That Scripture in Psalms up there is very clear.

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    4. If I may ask...Though, all what God created was perfect and beautiful but what happens to a woman who gave birth to a special child who needs a special treatment and also needs special education,putting into consideration that the mother and the father was and still presently followers of Christ in all manners.

      Don't forget people do not read or study the word again but the Christians must especially the Pastors and these ones am talking about are role model, they are downs to heart.

      Let's say Job's like

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    5. Go and rest with your false analysis. God created everything as he deems fit. The blind, lame, deaf etc. Perhaps we should ask Nick Vijucic if he was created by the devil 👿.

      Always insensitive human being.

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    6. What an insensitive analysis. So the devil created the disabled?? And those that got disabled in accidents are from the devil???

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    7. I can relate with this story very well. My younger brother has down syndrome. We are 6 in number 5girls and 1boy. My dad desperately wanted another boy and it caused lots of problems in the marriage. My my finally had the last child who now had down syndrome. My dad didn't want to have anything to do with the child, so my parents got seperated. It's been 20 years now, I can tell you it's still not easy. My mum still can't live her life the way she wants because my brother always needs to be looked after. May GOD help us all

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    8. @Pinky
      John 5:39 Search the scriptures; for in them ye think ye have eternal life: and they are they which testify of me.

      So Jesus admonished and encouraged us to "search the Scriptures." And you say; "some people now follow pastors as role models"
      So choose one; searching the Scriptures to know Jesus or "following pastors?"

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  2. 1. I don't understand. Should the small size of a boy's privates be termed a disability?

    2. Highlighting the maturity in age of your friends with a blind child (especially pointing out that of the lady) is unkind. It perpetuates the myth that older women give birth to disabled children. There are couples who married young and have special needs child(ren), and there are many mature couple (yes, the wife being over 30) who have children with no physical or mental challenges. Personally, all the mature couples I know have children with zero disability.

    3. You failed to address the most common challenge with raising a child with special needs here in Nigeria: the end of a marriage. Many men have been known to abandon the wife and child/children and move on with kids from other women with the full support of their family members. The mothers are most often left with the burden of caring for that child.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wonder why he classified the small size of the penis as a disability.A disability is something that reduces your ability to do something.That small penis may not really reduce his ability to urinate or have sex in future so it can't really be termed a disability

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    2. But the chances of older women having kids with disability is there. He didnt lie now

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    3. But pointing out that of the man isn't unkind, right? Smh

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    4. Thank you so much. I wasn't comfortable with the emphasis on the woman's age...

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    5. The small private weak me. I didn’t know that was a disability. As for older people having disabled children that’s in relation to Down’s syndrome and autism. Being older doesn’t increase the chances of having a blind or deaf child!!

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    6. Anon 13.16 the case of Jodie the artist comes to mind . The husband abandoned her.

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  3. Parenting is not an easy task! One of the reasons I'm scared of marriage sef...May God HELP us all

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  4. I have a friend who is as we say special.she is so stressed,from birth oh!!!he is 12 now,I pray God continues to give her strength and d finances to care for him .God bless all parents going Tru dis

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  5. It is visible to the blind and audible to the deaf to know and accept to the fact that, parenting is not an easy task.



    having an elder sister, or younger brother or sister who is notentally balanced is enough stress let alone those who gave birth to such person..

    God bless you this lovely and wonderful writer..you made me flash back to alot of stress ,energy and so on incured into .........(Make una no worry)

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  6. Parenting a child with disability is so tasking.I have an uncle with such a child,the wife who is a registered nurse is now a house wife as she has to care for the girl who is bedridden.Taking care of her has even created a hole in their pocket as the wife told me that they hardly save,they are always moving from one recommended doctor and one drug to the next.

    I pray God to strengthen all parents who are going through this.You all rock.Its not easy but most of you don't look like what you are going through.God bless you and strengthen you.

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  7. For the colic,I gave my baby bitter cola water,for the 1st 3months..she was never stressed.thanks to my hausa friend..

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  8. But is the small size of a little boys Penis a disability,? What if he grows up and it gets bigger to a normal penis size,there are so many women who will love that dick u call small and be very content with the size when he grows up.
    Again is the probability of an older couple giving birth to a physically challenged child higher than that of a younger couple?? Why the emphasis on their ages?? For all we know anyone can give birth to a physically challenged or disabled child be it young or old.stop making it seem as if it’s only common to older couples.for every parent going thru this challenge may God strengthen and provide for u cos it’s not an easy task,most men abandon their wives with the children alone and walk away,or even act like the child is the sole responsibility of the woman.May God give us good partners and healthy children.

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  9. The size of the weeny can be genetic. A man with small member will have his replica in his son, unless d son miraculously tapped big weeny from his ancestors. Same goes for women, what yo mama gave you, is what you'll rock.

    I stand to be corrected.
    Or
    Console yourself

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  10. I can relate.my son was having recurring tonsillitis, he was always vomiting, stopped sucking & refused other foods,managed only Pap.Lost weight,We were always in & out of the hospital.i was down those moments & imagined what parents with special needs & disable children go through.May God bless them.is not easy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That tonsillitis is something else, my son had it too but we met a good doctor treated it, my mate had surgery done on her boy who had it, his case was severe.

      Now my friend called me last month and told me her son has it, they have seen a doctor but he is still not OK, i told her to see another doctor, i even told her the name of the hospital my boy got treated.

      Blessing please stop feeding him with a plastic spoon, do you still sterilize his plate, cup and spoon? What sort of drinking water do you give him?

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    2. He is fine now.He has not have any for a year now.I have prayed to God, God has told me the storm is over.He eats very well now.and weight has improved.Thanks

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    3. He drinks Eva bottled water.his plates,cups and spoons are sterilize

      Delete
  11. Hmmmmm. It's sapping ,mentally draining and financially broken.
    We had one my Ist son,he had a disability from birth,from pregnancy to delivery was he'll. After delivery,we shuttled between Onitsha to Nnewi or Onitsha to Enugu almost on a daily basis to see the consultants. He was scheduled for surgery several times but was cancelled. After three moths,the surgery was done but not with complications (sepsis).my husband abandoned us at teaching hospital hardly visited us. Infact that was when he started cheating on me.At 4 months plus,the child died. I have not recovered from the trauma( emotionally,financially and otherwise)even though we have been blessed with another son. I don't wish my enemy such.May God bless all parents with a special needs child.

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    Replies
    1. Accept my sympathy,Sommy. You deserve an award for going back to such a man, that would never be me.

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    2. Chaiiiii ndo my sister 😭. Kasi Obi. Oh lord, I can only imagine what you have been through. Thank God for the 2nd son.

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    3. Amen to your prayer.


      Lovelace

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    4. It is well with you in Jesus mighty Name 🙏

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    5. So sorry for your experience. How you're able to remain with someone who abandoned you during that time and even have another kid with him, I don't know.

      This is what I saw missing in this article. The writer deliberately ignored the fact that many men abandon the wife and child.

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    6. He went offshore or whatever while the wife continued dealing with it.
      It's the reality in most marriages, especially in Nigeria; women bear the brunt of most things in the marriage.

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    7. 19:17 as in still went to have another child with the same person who abandoned her???? Mehhhhn. Lolll.

      1:54 ah you dont know how it is here? If the children are good the men take all the glory, if the children are bad it's the womans fault.

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    8. Nigerian men sha. Loyalty is never their thing.

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  12. Not easy for anyone having such issues

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  13. Is small preek a disability???
    Make I go check my own ooo, I dey come... Lol

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  14. Why are you looking at a child's private area? That's inappropriate!

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    Replies
    1. Calm down. He was likely helping the kid use the toilet.

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    2. 7 year old needs help in the loo??? Neither of the parents were there to help him?

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  15. May God provide the emotional, physical, spiritual and financial needs for anyone with kids in this category.. It is well..

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  16. May God continue to provide & strengthen f parents most especially women that have children with special needs.

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  17. Talking about the weenie of a child? Na wa for you oo. A growing child for that matter and then classifying it as a disability. Hmmm. Oga, this your mentality is problem.
    I took this write up,folded it up and threw it into my mental bin. Write another one sir

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  18. hmm dealing with a special needs child as a parent, you absolutely have no idea how guerrling and exhausting it is. you can never ever have any idea

    ReplyDelete

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