Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

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Monday, November 01, 2021

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative..

 Hmmm...





STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

THE CONSEQUENCES OF MARRYING A BROKE MAN



  I posted in the IHN sometime ago about not marrying a man without a source of income. Before getting married, I had a job and business. Not like the job was really paying well but I had the opportunity to save because I am not a heavy spender, I barely go out to have a good time and all of that.



 I met this man , his intelligence was what attracted me to him. He is very sound and he graduated with very good grades (both undergraduate and postgraduate). He had no reasonable job before marriage, he was just helping students write projects. 


He told me he had a job but quit due to one reason or the other and I believed him. We got married and after the wedding, I still had about 600k in my account. Before we got married, I had few gadgets like deep freezer, TV, electric oven, iron, DStv and few things like bed, shoe rack, tables, chairs and so on. He had nothing(assuming I didn't have all of these, I wonder how he planned to wife me with nothing). 


I didn't mind, I packed everything I had to the house he rented. Few months into the marriage, he started cheating. I saw a message pop up on his WhatsApp ( though I was unable to access the full messages), and his comment on Facebook flirting with a girl where he claimed he's single (I was pregnant at this time). 


He would verbally abuse me and still steal my money to go and drink and hang out with friends. I buy foodstuffs and toiletries thinking things would get better, meanwhile my account was getting red because I lost my job due to covid-19 and pregnancy symptoms didn't allow my business move as expected. 


Long story short, he couldn't renew our house rent and we had to move to my aunt's house with our load ( the biggest embarrassment ever!). This shameless man will wake up early in the morning, eat my Aunty's food while they go out to work and stay at home playing games. 


I put to bed and he couldn't pay the bills. I won't stop thanking God for my family members who rescued me financially cos I almost died. I told this man to get a teaching job at least till I am fine but he said he can't stoop so low to teach. Told him to open a football viewing center shop or go and work in an industry. This man legit told me he's not ready to work under anybody. 


He wants to venture in electronics business but how can you start such business without funds? How can you be a boss if you can't work under anyone? Now my baby is almost one year and I have almost emptied my account. My plan is to have one more child with him, look for another job, revive my business and move my things out.

 A man who is not financially buoyant but cheats, and disrespects me this way.. what if he now has money and takes care of me? I have never enjoyed his benefits. He has never for once bought diapers for my baby, all he does is sleep, eat and go out to drink.


 I will advice single ladies, no matter what don't marry a jobless man. Don't marry a man that just wakes up in the morning with no plans for his life. I cannot even type all the things I have passed through, but I guess this story will have a part two. 



*You still want to have one more baby with him? After all these complaints? oh well, its your choice!.....May God deliver women from the mentality and state of mind of Nigerian men.

82 comments:

  1. People will call one a gold digger, but please ladies learn from this woman! Never ever settle for someone who cannot even take care of his own Bills. It's ridiculous! I am not saying he must be mega rich, but mehn this is not it ooh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You see that your plan of having one more baby...please throw it away.
      Don't bring another baby into this mess, some women claim they want to have thier kids by one man, all for their own selfish intrest.
      Don't you see how it may affect your kids by giving them a father who may never recognize or love them as his kids.
      You see children with abandonment and daddy issues and you wonder what went wrong.

      Please get another job and take care of the one you have, if God gives you a better man, so be it but having another child shouldn't be the immediate thing on your mind.
      Both parents are very important in a child's life.
      Also try and better yourself for your family's sake, you can't be having kids for others to take care of.

      Delete
    2. You want to have one more baby? If I say what’s on my mind Stella won’t post my comment. I’ll just tell you that you too are not a serious person! You open eye marry this man knowing fully well what you were entering. I won’t even blame the man , all to answer Mrs! Inukwa

      Delete
    3. Acrimony!!!


      Odiegwu!!!

      Delete
    4. The man lives in their house eating her extended family food and she still open legs for him?

      Delete
    5. I As a man I am doing all I can to work, keep saving before marriage my woman have to do same I can't marry a jobless woman or that have nothing doing

      Delete
    6. Are you for real? Wait o

      What is your aunty saying about him eating, sitting down n drinking?

      Your thinking no get part two.

      War room part 9

      Delete
  2. One more baby with who? A deadbeat father? Are you joking me like right now? Don't do that o..He's such a brash and grumpy man..Tueh!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She wants her children to come from the same father which is not a bad idea at all.

      Delete
    2. Exactly my thoughts,@Anon 15.51.

      Delete
    3. Poster both of you fit each other...birds of a feather. You dont have shame, jobless people living with family and you want to get pregnant...like stella said may God deliver you from that nonsense mentality.

      Delete
    4. Anonymous 15.51. You are not well atall, 'Madam its not a bad idea at all', is a 2nd child the priority in this quagmire?

      Delete
  3. Like seriously, you still want to have another child???..hmmm like stella said it's your choice!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She wants her two kids to come from onr man, lock shop on child bearing the hustle to raise them as a single mother.
      If she became a single mothr with one child, she would still look for anothr man to birth a second child.
      Many persons stil castigate tiannah for having 3 kids by three men not knowing it's not her fault.

      Delete
  4. Instead of thinking of ways to salvage your self from your predicament and taking care of tour baby,you rather want another one. While your family continues to bear the burden of you and lazy husband.

    ReplyDelete
  5. The Lord is your strength πŸ’ͺ. you have already concluded on what you want from this marriage.you even gave us advice .
    Tonia

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I laughed out loud!!!

      Stella, your bv's are so hilarious.

      Delete
    2. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣 lolzz at 8our last paragraph

      Delete
  6. Thank you Stella for asking her that question.
    Honestly I don't know what is inside some women's head.

    ReplyDelete
  7. He doesn't have a job but he goes out to drink. With which money? Who gives him money to drink?

    Doesn't he have responsible friends? What about his family? What is he still doing in your aunty's house? Your aunty try sha.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Poster I don't want to insult you because from your write up you still like to suffer! You want to have another child with this broke man??? I sorry for you do you know how much is school fees for 2 children? You better get out from that marriage count your losses and move on with your life. Take your child with you as you leave. It is better to have 1 mouth to feed for than 2 mouths!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Who wan marry that kind lazy man before? Chics have gotten wiser.
    He has never bought a diaper and you want to have one more baby in this condition?
    Men like this don’t ever get tired of “the other room” all they do is eat and have sex and give that kind of stupid excuse that they can’t work under anyone. One day passes, you are older. Before you know, he is 60 and instead of taking responsibility for being a lazy man, he’ll start blaming siblings and in-laws for abandoning him.
    Money you nor get, yet you do not want to work under anyone.
    Electronics business will fall from heaven and land in his palm. Irresponsible man.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Why are even considering giving him your vagina for pleasure. You don't love yourself. What of his family?
    You were desperate for marriage, that's the truth..

    Another child for a broke husband under a charity condition, you love the state of your life.. Enjoy playing with poverty.

    ReplyDelete
  11. My friend is about to walk into this same trap, but she is not listening to all the advice. Me I have keep quiet and do sidon look.
    I will not even attend the wedding mbok! I wonder why women like medicine after death tho!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This Chronicle is exactly like that of our family friends (couple are childhood friends of my parents). Even before they married, she was spending on him and taking responsibility for everything. Fast forward to almost 30years later, she's still doing same. She single handedly built their house, sent their 3 kids to school, feeds him, buys him clothes, etc.
      He used to cheat like crazyyyy till he got HIV. Guess who took care of him while he was near death? Yep. Wife.
      Since he lost his one & only job around 1998/1999, he hasn't worked nor done any business. He looked down on jobs and felt too big for them. But even when he had a job, he never provided o. The car she got, she gave to him. Lol and he spoilt it ofcourse. He is extremely picky with food & clothes that she pays for.
      The most unfortunate thing is, their kids (all girls) have become so resentful of their father as they are now young women and see what he has put their mum through. It will take God's help for them to have a positive outlook on men & marriage. They are very hardworking like their mum though.

      Poster, do with this as you wish. Life is simple but we choose to complicate it for ourselves. Whatever you do though, DEAD THAT TALK OF HAVING ANOTHER CHILD. DEAD IT NOW!!

      Delete
  12. You are advising people when you've not cleaned up your own mess? Smh.

    Congratulations on marrying yourself.

    ReplyDelete
  13. He shouldn't have followed you to your aunt's house. You should have gone alone or doesn't he have his own family house? I don't know why you want to have one more child with him when you could just sort out your life easily with just your baby and still remarry later in the future.
    If he was not cheating and accepted the teaching job or any other job for that matter as long as he can feed his family, I would have been sympathetic with him but in this case he is a loafer, a cheat, a shameless man who isn't embarrassed to be spoon-fed and even a glutton.

    I don't know why you want to have kids with someone with those traits. With just one child you can get back on your feet easily. Please think twice before you make any decision.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Abi oo. Sort out ur life. To me it is easy to remarry with a kid Dan two o. U were desperate. Reason u marry this lazy man.

      Delete
  14. I am not trying to be mean or anything, but did you just want to answer to "Mrs"? Was it a case of all your friends and family were getting married and having kids, so you felt you had to do so (quickly) as well?

    From your write-up, he didn't deceive you. He told you he did not have a job. He took you to his real place of abode, were you saw that he did not have a bed, iron, shoe rack etc. It would have been a different case had he taken to a fake apartment and claimed it as his, or always told you he was busy because his job role entailed a lot.

    You walked into this marriage with your eyes wide open!

    You implicitly told us that you paid for all the wedding stuff, with your "I still had 600k after the wedding" statement!

    You wanted to be married and answer, "Mrs"!
    You wanted to have kids that are “legitimate” i.e., you didn’t want to be a baby-mama!
    So far, it seems you have achieved both feats...so, congratulations??? Or???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spot on!!! Best comment!!

      Delete
    2. Thank you.

      Poster is using the man, who knows he is being used.

      A man who writes project for students must be good at collecting his pay. The man is collecting pay for being used as a Dik and Sperm Donor (poster wants to have another child).

      Question for Poster: After you leave the man with your two children, if you meet an intelligent, handsome, rich, caring and providing single man who wants to marry you will you say No?

      Or you would just be using that man's money for your children? Note I didn't say for your self o.

      Delete
  15. This having one more child with one man is nigerian mentality. That's what our mothers tell us but you might be where you are trying to have another and bury yourself in debt. Please buy birth control and enjoy the sex if you want, do NOT add more headache to your plate. Children are expensive and you cannot play with a child's future just because you don't want to have different kids from different men. Guard your heart from more heartbreak and disappointments.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is the selfishness I will never understand.
      They don't think about the quality of life they intend to give these kids.
      Right now nobody can even mention giving birth near me.

      Delete
  16. How can you still want to have one more baby in your situation? Is it so you can spend the rest of your savings on pregnancy, child birth and child care? You also want to wait for him to have money maybe he will take care of you then? God does miracles but that aisde, how will someone who isn't making a move to gather capital, make money? Madam, run!, you may not divorce him (yet) if he agrees to leave your aunt's house... Then you can sell some of those properties you are carrying up and down for capital, if your aunt agrees to continue to house you and you can face yourself, kid and business squarely.

    ReplyDelete
  17. AMEN STELLA. AMEN.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Na that one more baby for the road off me. Madam I wish you all the best

    ReplyDelete
  19. I think she's trying to avoid a situation where she has children from different men i.e. have all her kids with one man. Poster, if I were you I would focus on just that child for now instead of adding another to the mix.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So if she has only one kid will she die? Wicked woman bringing kids to the world to suffer .

      Delete
    2. Asin ehh...so she would rather them have one deadbeat father...chaiii there is God 00

      Delete
  20. Aunty, there is something this man is good at, that you don't want to tell us. You used your money bought electronics for the house, been spending for the house and for him and when the rent could not be renewed, you moved in with him to your sister,s house. Upon all these, you are still living with him and still want to have another baby with him..........The man is definitely good in one place.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The man is good in the bedroomπŸ˜‚

      Delete
    2. 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
    3. Maybe she is of age and wants to quickly have her kids.

      Madam!

      If you can properly take care of two children, then go ahead before leaving the man or else...face front with your baby.

      By the way, I feel you're enabling this man too much. Why take him along to your aunts place...let him suffer for his irresponsibility and watch him grownup quickly.

      Delete
    4. Good Heart @15.50,

      The man is intelligent. Poster said so. 🀣

      Delete
  21. God's masterpiece1 November 2021 at 15:55

    Hmmm dear poster I understand you want to have 2 children with the man and zip up about children,I guess you want your children to have the same father, because going by the tone of your write up , you are planning to leave him after having the second child.
    The Lord is really your strength, that you can still Stand the man's presence and even able to get intimate with him.
    The man is just LAZY and you know it.
    Good luck in whatever decision you make.

    ReplyDelete
  22. Admit you were desperate to marry and see what it landed you to! anyway,that is not even the problem, the issue is you are in this kind of situation and you are thinking of having another baby, just because you have family carrying the burden. Your shit don soft. Better look for a way to get out of this mess , get a small job as soon as you wean your baby and let your husband sort himself. Having another baby will double your trouble if care is not taken. Don't even think of that for now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind the poster, they both got what they wanted.

      The man wanted a family that comes with no responsibility and she was desperate to be any man's wife. Now see the problem both their selfish decisions has given to the already troubled society.

      Delete
  23. I stopped reading where you said you want to have another baby for him. Your mumu no too much?

    ReplyDelete
  24. I think you need the advice more! What do you mean by having another baby so that you can add more liabilities...Abeg reason this your talk very well...All these chere-kam-bia men or marriages is not the way...You see how he pulled you down; please don't help any man who has not helped himself by getting a job, trade or business...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm even forced to think she coerced the lazy man into marriage sef.

      Delete
    2. @Fresh fruit....you said my mind

      Delete
  25. Hmm poster you dont like yourself at all. You dont even love your child. Why MUST you have another child. Why?. Anyway na you sabi. Its your life...do as you wish

    ReplyDelete
  26. Girl run! Sorry I had to go anonymous to type this.
    The man you talked about up there is a good definition of who my dad is. Schooled abroad, had a good business that failed out of sheer carelessness and some kinda misfortune (fire incident).
    He refused to move on, he was (still very much) a chain smoker. When he came back to Nigeria, he sold all the landed properties my mom forced him to acquire when the going was good just so he can have money to buy weed and give his side chicks and none for the family. In 2007 a friend of his got him a job where he would be paid 100k, he shunned him for trying such 'nonsense' with stories of how he's bigger than 100k and that's how he rejected many other jobs which the pays ranged from 50k to 150k. He said that if he should work for someone then it must be worthwhile not for mere 100k or 150k afterall he studied abroad.
    He couldn't even pay any of his children's school fees and did I say that the family is torn apart. I can go on and on sha but let me stop here.

    Please for the sake of your kid, run while there's time or you'll live to regret it for life.

    ReplyDelete
  27. And you still want to have more kids in this condition.
    I bet you saw all these before marriage but your selfishness and desperation blinded you. You want to get married and have kids asap but you forgot to be calculative about the future.

    Now you want to use the lazy a** man to have one more baby for your own selfish reason not minding how your kids will turn out.

    You better get to work cos that man you talked about up there isn't ready to get to work. He's ready to harvest as much kids as your waist can or cannot carry so far you open your legs and bet me, he's not ready to take responsibility.

    ReplyDelete
  28. And you need to give me lessons on how you have managed 600k for the past 2 years without completely exhausting it. How did you do that?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I really wonder.

      That is, with a child and joblessman.

      Miracles still happen o

      Delete
    2. She's not paying rent and house bills. She's staying with her aunty for free.
      One day, aunty may get tired of their laziness and sense of entitlement.

      Delete
  29. "...a man who is financially not buoyant and cheats?" Huh?
    So if he is financially buoyant but cheats, that won't be a problem to you; right?
    Nne, your values are so skewed and deflated and if you continue this way, you make shipwreck of your
    marriages and eternity.
    Once I read married people chanting "his money, my money..." I just know that there is no marriage there;
    because the two are not one. You are just cohabiting. Re-evaluate your values in life and give Jesus a chance to change
    you to a wife and bride. πŸ“ŒπŸ“ŒπŸ“ŒπŸ“ŒπŸ“ŒπŸ“ŒπŸ“Œ

    ReplyDelete
  30. Are you okay?? You still want to have another child from this sperm donor?????

    ReplyDelete
  31. This your chronicle choke o.

    All I'm sensing from all this writeup desperation and selfishness. Like a BV wrote above, congratulations on the fears you've achieved.


    On a serious note, I think you guys should sit and talk about the way forward. You can't possibly be completely dependent on your family without plans to move out and you're considering having more kids. Where's your shame and conscience?
    Where's his family in all of this?

    If you know anyone he respects, have a word with the person and see if he could be called to order. Talk to his family too and suggest he moves to his family house till you both figure things out.

    I wish you all the best as you work it✌

    ReplyDelete
  32. All I can say is both you and your aunt are enabling his bad behavior. Why will your aunt (who I’m sure is older than both if you- maybe even elderly and on a pension) feed a lazy, healthy man that even has time and money to drink.
    I’d advise your aunt to kick him out - for all your sakes, the child inclusive.
    When a child grows up seeing this/her father figure as irresponsible, they believe this is normal thus continuing the cycle. A male child will then believe being irresponsible is normal and a female child will believe it’s okay for a man to be irresponsible:
    Do yourself and child a favour by NOT HAVING another child with this leech. Get yourself up and don’t be a burden to your elderly aunt. She is not responsible for choices you made. She doesn’t have to suffer for them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Kick who out?
      Marriage means a lot to the family. They'd rather house him, than for poster to have a broken marriage.

      Delete
  33. You want to have another kid and put their responsibilities on who? Your aunt? Or you wanna keep complaining? Pregnancy n childbirth under hard conditions is o joke. What if complications arise? Or u think another baby will change him or miraculously bring a job? Unless you are hoping for give away, this your plan is very foolish. Please have 5 kids, one is not enough.🀦‍♀️

    ReplyDelete
  34. After you sat down thought about your life: past, present and future. The only reasonable thing you can think of is getting pregnant again. Even me, that my husband dey shuffle different schools on small change oooo. After i born 2018, I no dream of getting laid again till my life gets better. Wait is your head filled with cotton wool or what? Instead of you to find a way of getting unlock from the adopted child you call a husband you dey reason adding more suffering your baggage of shame. Pele ooo sister Aboko jiya. Don't worry by the time you start looking 10years older than your age due to stress nobody will tell you what next to do. Abeg who won play ludo?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind her. I wan play ludo abeg.

      Delete
    2. I want to play oooo... They want to answer "MRS" by fire by force.

      Delete
  35. Abi you don get another belle already and you are looking for a way to justify getting pregnant. I sincerely pity you. Haaaaa. Se them knack coconut on your head ni? In this time and age, you are saying all this ****** thrash. Okay ooo minister of suffering more ink to write another Chronicle next year.

    ReplyDelete
  36. Well, I no dey advice the married but to the singles: Someone said, don't marry because of money but marry considering money. To start and run a family, you must consider your pooled finances. So it is not wise to marry someone who has no job and no ambition and no dreams.. Also, I have come to realize that choosing a wrong spouse harms women more than men. A man can walk out of a broken marriage and get married the next day. Before divorce papers dry out, there are women waiting to move in. (FFK, Kelvin, Maje ect) For women, it is not so easy. Plus you are the one who will most likely birth and nurture the kids if any, both inside of the marriage and outside (if divorce happens). So let us see to it that we make good choices and pray hard about our choices.

    ReplyDelete
  37. ...I believe the one thing that is triggering everybody (myself inclusive), is you confidently stating that you want to birth one more child with your husband and if I understood you right, you'd move on from him and his shenanigans.

    Ideally, when looking for/accepting a spouse, asides someone with whom love will be mutually shared, if you have plans to procreate, you are by extension choosing a parent for your child. You are saddled with this 'make' or 'mar' decision for your innocent child.

    Going by genetic inheritance, let's overly simplify it by saying your child is half you and half your husband. Personality traits can also be inherited.

    Going by how you have described your husband, (if we wholly take your words for it), would you be happy if your adult child is acting like your husband? If this second child you want to have now with him, inherits most of your husband's genes, would you be pleased with the future outcome? all because you want to have all your children with one man.

    I understand you already have a child, with good guidance and nurturing, you can instill all the great virtues you want you child to have, because your attention is concentrated. With your financial position right now, it will be much more difficult to focus on this child with a pregnancy and a nonchalant father.

    All my epistle is just saying, focus on that child you already have, parenting is tasking even with 2 involved/dedicated parents let alone one. Focus on giving that child quality life experiences.

    Until your finances significantly improve and you have decided what to do about your husband's attitude, pretend to be a mermaid please.

    ReplyDelete
  38. Take your one baby and run. Ask yourself, would you be doing a child the justice of having that DNA profile flowing through them? Do you want to have a child who has the same mindset as the man you married? No child deserves that.

    Imagine this man was taking your money to toast other women and verbally abuse you, but you want to use your body to carry his generations and propagate his DNA. Did you hit your head somewhere? Yes, thank God for your family who ensured you didn't end up on the streets. Do not dishonor their efforts by having another child with him. Make a plan of value for yourself and your child and let that man out of your life.

    When I told another chronicle submitter that the okada man is guaranteed an income daily and not to look down because of lack of speaking skills and formal education because at the end of the day degrees can't put in pot cook when you are hungry some BVs thought my message was wrong. Now here you found this highly educated man who you cannot even depend on for a cup of water if it was life or death. And you are not the only one, there are many feeling it just like you with these professional students and those with overinflated sense of self who think they are something special. Any man who would sit and watch their wife and child be put on the streets because they are too proud to do any work is no man to concern yourself about.

    ReplyDelete
  39. One more baby for what abeg!!!! please move out now, divorce him and start life anew. You can still get married

    ReplyDelete
  40. Honestly Madam _you are not serious. You just want to suffer. Why condone such behaviour all because you want to answer Mrs.
    And you're even ready to allow him release another cheating set of sper* into you.You are an enabler.You basically feed a grown lazy man, clothe, house and give him your body yet baba never buy 1 diapers for your child.
    I also believe he won't be able to pay their school fee once the time comes..

    ReplyDelete
  41. I laugh in Swahili..Una just like to they suffer .

    ReplyDelete
  42. If I were you sister, I'd definitely fast and pray over this your matter cuz no be Juju be this??
    First start by ending this nonsense you call a marriage..It's also high time he finds himself..He should leave that house in the first place..
    I'm very pissed right now

    ReplyDelete
  43. Please you just need deliverance from suffer-head of your father's house. Any charm d the man carry marry you go cathfire.

    ReplyDelete
  44. Madam poster, I feel so bad for you. Sorry you had to go through this. Now let me correct an impression, it's not not that you married a broke man that's the problem. You married an insensitive man without any shred of pride and dignity. You failed to look out for the signs. My husband isn't so rich but I looked out for certain signs. First, he has a business that I as a good business person have expanded for him, secondly, his father is wealthy, so I encouraged him to help manage his father's large farms and add more businesses to it. I also encouraged him as the first son, to renovate his father's properties and start getting them ready for more expansion. I know that as the first son, he gets to manage everything but just didn't know what to do, so as a sharp babe, I quickly nugded him towards the right direction. Note that even if he had money but didn't respect me, I wouldn't have married him. MBA! I love my peace, so I go for a man that gives me one. I was a single mother and my baby daddy was just like your husband, so I had learnt my lessons the hard way. I knew exactly what I didn't want in a man and I took my time to chose carefully and with Gods guidance, my life has been at peace. Please leave that man first, then take your time before you fall in love again, this time pick wisely, not every woman married to a money bag is happy, but every woman married to a responsible man is very happy. Shalom!

    ReplyDelete

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