Hmmmm...
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ABROAD HUSBAND
Greetings to you Stella and thank you for this great platform
I've been a silent blog visitor since 2013 and wish to remain anonymous.
I'm a 28year old lady , met this guy through a colleague at work some weeks back when he came for his mom's burial in Nigeria.
He lives in United states and has lived there for 30years .we started talking and I got to know he is 45years old and has a 22year old daughter which he hasn't seen in almost 10years now according to him .
He is talking about how he wants to marry me and all but my problem is the way he wants to go about the whole thing
He wants me to come to United states as a visitor through a visitation visa which will last for at least 2years and during the course of that 2years we will get married and I'll get to stay in US as his wife and start having his kids but I dont like this dynamic at all , I think the best way to do it is for us to get married in Nigeria and then move to US together as a couple.
When I discussed this with him he said it's long process and that he has seen people do that but the stress is too much so he figure out we should just do it this way
My major fear now is that I think he wants to repeat the same thing he did to his baby mama to me because according to him he said they lived together for years before they went their separate ways . I dont want to be a baby mama, I just want to be his legal wife and have kids the right and Godly way.
I need advice from BVs and know if anyone has been in this situation before .
*I dont know how this works in the US so let me read comments along...
You two should get married in Nigeria before moving over to the US to avoid "had i known"..My two cents
ReplyDeleteAunty stand your ground and make sure he marry you here legally and traditionally.
DeleteNo use becos of long throat jump follow am oo. This guy seem somehow! If he loves you! He will sure do the right tin.
Gbam , poster this is the advice you seek
DeleteSee me laughing in Arabic ððĪŠðð****This poster has entered one chance oo,upon all the chronicles of all these abroad husbands that you people have been reading on this blog,you still want to fall a victim,do you people not learn ni???? I can't count how many girls my cousin has promised marriage and travelling to US in that Naija,that's the gimmick he uses to shift their pants,keep them interested for a very long time,lies upon lies,some even had babies in the process,meanwhile he has his akata wife back in Dallas,the woman doesn't understand his language so he is able to fool those girls back home in Nigeria that he is single and lives alone,he picks phone and do video calls with them at anytime,what they don't know is his wife doesn't understand him,and he has several of them girls,he uses the same line to capture their hearts,damn!! that guy is a brutal casanova,he calls them all my wife,he would even give his friends phone to greet his wife,talk to their parents,go visiting them and shop for them like he is real,but na fake guy,it's all bullocks,he can never marry another woman,He goes to Nigeria quite often cos he has businesses back in Nigeria,very strategic guy,I pity one very small girl among them,that one had a child with him when she was 16 thereabout,that child is now 10yrs old,the girl remained unmarried,with a child,still hoping my cousin would come and do marriage,mumu raise to power 100 girls,sometimes I don't pity them,some it's their greed that put them in such situations,imagine wasting someone's life away when she could have found a responsible man to marry,they allow themselves get tied down by a serial husband to be for so many years that nothing will come out of,only lies upon lies.A few of them he helped secured visas and took them to another state like Rhode Island and Atlanta,people should know by now that a man living abroad for years already has strong ties over there,even if you end up travelling over to US,lots of other things will unfold later,na that time your eyes will clear and you will know some truth and see the man's true colour
DeleteAnon 12:29 I honestly pity your cousin because the nemesis that will catch up with him and his randy ways if he doesn't desist from deceiving unsuspecting young ladies won't be a small one. Don't tell me to blame the girls, their fault aside, your cousin is not a nice and thoughtful person and because he is married to akata woman who doesn't understand his language, that gives him the liberty to turn himself to a dog. I'm pretty sure he so much feels himself to be a wise and smart guy but from your description of him, even when foolish people are asked to assemble, he will be no where to be found. If you love him, tell him to change his ways if you have not been telling him before now
DeleteYou see that instinct in us? It is always fire. Don't overlook your feelings
ReplyDeleteHe is 45, has a 22year old daughter and lived with the babymama for years?
DeleteDoesn't add up.
How I'll you even get marriage license to wed in the US without a fiancee visa? You can't get married with just visitor's visa over there.
My advice is, there is so much you don't know yet about this guy but marriage is a leap of faith. Check your peace and if your spirit says yes, convinced him to either apply for fiance visa or come marry you here first.
Obviously she has no peace. My half cent. ✌ðū
DeleteSis, be patient for your own man. Who is yours would not come with this much complexity. Ndi over 40 guys as a young single lady with no baggage, I don't think you have any business with this guy. P.S. not everyone who dangles the "marriage card" in your face deserves your affirmative response. Please be patient with yourself.
DeletePoster, isn't weeks too short to be talking marriage? Most especially with someone who hasn't seen his own child in 10 years? Have you considered that, if he's a good person his child would have been looking for him at 22 years even if the mother refuses?
ReplyDeletePlease, allow yourself some time to get to know this man 1st. He may truly want to marry you or is just using marriage talk to shift your pant. Relax a bit, time will tell.
Foremost, this man is not 45 years.
ReplyDeleteIf he has stayed 30 years in the states, did he enter there at 15?
Which country admits a child on a flight or are his parents there?
Your feminine intuition is keen. This man needs more babies; especially male kids.
You will have the shorter end of the stick once you begin to produce babies for him there. he can decide
not to file for you and once you go back to Nigeria after 2 years of no green card, you can't come back.
You see what I mean?
He can afford to cheat or do anything and you will not be able to protest because, he will threaten you with
deportation. The kids however are US citizens like him and won't be deported with you, if the dad can prove that he can take care of them.
If this man is serious about "loving you," he should come to Nigeria and do all the marital rights; pay your bride price and do registry.
Then he can file for you.
Besides, he might as well be married to his "baby mama." If he told the above lies, why not this one?
ðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪðĪ
ððĪĢð The said man is not even truthful for starters
DeleteThis is the gospel truth don’t miss this advice
DeleteThere are people who relocate as children. You cannot categorically say he is not 45 on that basis.
Delete@15:29
DeleteDid you understand the comment at all, are his parent there or they relocated him and returned to Nigeria?
So who did he live with at 15 in the united states? These are the pieces of info the lady should get.
Take a queue from Angela and Michael of 90 day. See how difficult it is for her to bring him over even after their publicly televised marriage. It’s hard ooh. If you go with visiting visa and he doesn’t pane out to be what you thought he would be, you’d be in a tight place ooh. Follow your gut feelings when you don’t have all the facts.
DeletePls that man isn't 45, he's lying. I'm speaking from experience. Just had a baby for my fiance. He's an Americana who came back home to tidy up loose ends. The story has changed from I want to marry you to let's see how it works out. I compromised alot most especially my faith and I have regretted it. The period of pregnancy was horrible not because of my health but his general attitude.
DeleteSo my dear 28year old Poster, let him do the right thing if he's loves you. If u compromise you'll loose it all
@16:11
DeleteTake a "queue?" and doesn't "pane out?" Is she queuing up for covid vaccines or palliatives?
Please take a CUE from this advice so that it will PAN out well for you.
Ang, I understood your comment and I am telling you that you cannot categorically say he is not 45. People have aunts and uncles, the family could have relocated, there are so many different possible scenarios. Eod
DeleteBtw, there is no need for you to be sarcastic in correcting anon 16.11.
DeleteMy nephew is 11 years and I just brought him over to England.
Delete@18:26
DeleteThis poster did not write "he was brought over 30 years ago," she should find out how he went there because a 15 year old cannot relocate, he
has to be brought over by someone.
21.13 Ang, stop arguing for argument sake. That anon basically nullified your generalisation but still you want to twist your words. Hian!!
DeleteJust forget about the man, something isn't right
ReplyDeleteThere are two options:
ReplyDelete1) it is either he is still married in US, perhaps na marriage give am paper but he doesn't want to open up.
2) He has had bad experience or just playing smart and wants to know you and your intentions better before allowing you to enter his documents as his wife.
Any which way it is not for your best interest, the interest is his.
Ask him to open up or better still check and see if it is still a win-win for you. If not forget it or insist on marrying in Naija.
My aunt did this it worked for her, they are happily married with kids,my advice to you is to pray and seek God's face, if he is the right man, God will arrange it in a way that will make u both happy.
ReplyDeleteDid your aunt get married to a man with this one's background and with similar conditions? If not, please don't say things like this. The majority don't have a good experience to tell
DeleteYes my Aunty too did but guess what? That was back then. She got married in the 80s when people were much more honest. This is 2021 and we live in a society where humans are getting more currently selfish, desperate and insincere. An advice from 1980 may not work in 2021.
DeleteIf this lives in a village in Nigeria would you have considered? Few weeks and you are already talking marriage? You don’t want to pray about it?
ReplyDeleteWomen ðĨ
Once you guys hear abroad husband you become stupid
ðĪĢ Abeg I no laugh o. Na my phone ooo.
DeleteI'm more concerned or should I say worried about the desperation to marry someone you barely know, whether the person lives in Ajegunle of in the U.S. This is marriage we're talking about. Sister please calm down, you're 28 not 48.Plus a 45 year old man is full of wisdom. You don't want to be in a strangeland with a stranger and a baby. Biko take it easy and do your proper findings
DeleteBased on my own experience I think you should insist on a wedding or traditional one before you leave Nigeria but if you are after better life, you can play along with him to gerrout of Naija
ReplyDeleteA man you met weeks ago? Hmm, your desperation to get married and/or move abroad...
ReplyDeletePoster please shine your eyes!! You are very young to go through stress...The age gap between both of you is too much...You are not gonna share the same things and may not be emotionally at par with each other....Can you handle a 45 year old man with an adult daughter of 22 years he has not seen for 10 years....ðĐðĐðĐðĐðĐðĐðĐðĐðĐðĐ Tread with caution.....He sounds like an unrepentant baby daddy and there is more than meets the eye....All the best...
ReplyDeleteRed flag
DeleteParents who show apathy about the whereabouts/welfare of their children
E no send her
He no send you or likely to send your children
Reading mood activated
ReplyDeleteDear poster, while I am not saying that you should go with the arrangement, the man actually told you the truth about the long process of filing for you from Nigeria. It takes years. Meanwhile, whstvmost people do is, have their traditional weddings in Nigeria, invite their spouse to visit and when those get here, in the United States, they go to court, to get married and the inviters will file for them. That being said, that man is not 45 years, did he travel as a young adult or a minor? If young adult, he shouldn't be anything less than 50 years. Shine ya eyes.
ReplyDeleteAnon the anon,the audacity in saying he is not 45 is cracking me upðĪĢðĪĢðĪĢ
DeleteLet him engage you and apply for a K1 visa( you can get married too) This is a transparent and quick process. This way if anything happens he is responsible for you in the USA. Don’t go with him via a visiting visa. Don’t do it!
ReplyDelete
ReplyDelete"My major fear now is that I think he wants to repeat the same thing he did to his baby mama to me because according to him he said they lived together for years before they went their separate ways."
Poster, thatð is your answer. If u decide to go ahead with his plan, knowing that up thereðis a possibility, then you're not wise.
Now, I'm assuming you're a Christian from your write up. Is his plan the Godly way?
If he is a bona-fide US citizen, filing for you, either a spousal visa or a fiancee visa should not take much time. The same and energy it will take to file for a visiting visa for you is the same time it will take to file for a spousal or fiwbcee visa. Infact spousal visa is even more guaranteed as the US embassy may not give you visiting visa but once he files all the necessary documentation for spousal visa, they will give you.
ReplyDeleteTrust your instinct. The man might be married somewhere else or is looking for a baby mama to give him more children especially sons. Some men also use that visiting visa thing to control and maltreatment the women living with them. You can't work or do anything meaningful with your life until you get proper papers. I know a good friend of mine thar went with a visiting visa and the man showed her shege. She is still traumatised by what she went through although she was lucky enough to eventually get her green card on grounds of domestic violence and emotional abuse by the man.
I know some people the visiting visa route have worked for jut your heart has to be sure of the man you are dealing with. if you don't feel right about it, abort mission.
ð
DeleteANON 15:51 thank you for typing for me. Poster Don’t come here without knowing who to run to and someone that knows his house and everything cos you will be a sorry case…
DeleteI like your disposition on this issueðð life is full of chances, just do what your Heart is comfortable with.
Deleteyou are just 28 calm down.. let time test this relationship. you just met and relocating so soon without knowing much about him is risky. some people were lucky with ndi abroad but some were equally traumatized by their experiences so listen more and let him talk more. if he really want to marry you let him get the fiancÃĐe visa for you (dont know what it is called again) but do not go on a visiting visa because you will not be able to do anything with that cos the visa is just what it is visiting.. you will be only at his mercy when anything happens. If you marry an American citizen it can take about 3 years for them to file for you i think but you need to get current facts from people on ground...my dear just do not be hasty or desperate, pray pray pray and take each day as it comes.
ReplyDeleteposter you can agree to his terms, ask him we're he is from, I mean his hometown, you might be able to know whethu he is married or not, people will know about the family, even if he stayed there for so long make proper investigation about him
ReplyDeletePoster you already know the answer to this your chronicle, youre just trying to disregard what your brain is telling you.
ReplyDeleteYour instincts are giving you red signals everywhere, trust it!
A lot of those older unmarried abroad men are as irresponsible as they come when it comes to marriage, what's his excuse for not seeing his child in over 10years?
Google K1 visa, and put that suggestion before him, hear what he will say.
Shine your eyes so you don't enter one chance marriage ohhhh, you are still young and should take your time before going in.
I don't get why he doesn't want to do the proper thing by marrying you here first if he's serious.Please,insist on things being done properly to avoid had I known.
ReplyDeleteOnce they hear America, they lose every sense of reasoning. If a man in Nigeria asked you to come live with him for two years and all the bla bla bla this man said, would you do it? Oh, because this one dey yankee you no sabi anything again. ððð. Babe what's the difference? The distance. What you'll get in this kind of transaction in naija is what you'll get in yankee. Just that in yankee, your child will give you access to residency. Baby mama int'l worldwide.
ReplyDeleteYou are asking this question because you have no values and respect for yourself. If you do, you'll get any man that wants to marry you to come down and do it the right way. Which is to marry you traditionally by paying bride price and any other thing involved in your locality. Whether he's in Osogbo, Sokoto or Colorado. He has to come see your people and take permission to live with you. But no, you wan go America. Hehe. No respect for even your parents because that is an insult to them!
Gov. emeritus, Ohakim's daughter married a white man. I attended the traditional ceremony. It was glorious. The white man, a German, wore isi-agu and red cap. He came and married her honourably. It put that girl in high esteem before everyone. It showed that despite having been abroad and been exposed to wealth, she still had utmost respect for herself. Therefore, the white man had no choice than to respect her. But your Nigerian bobo wants to toss you like pancake despite knowing the tradition expected of him.
You see this man, he has seen the desperation in you that's why he has the audacity to even mention such sacrilege to you. If you have carried yourself with respect all along, he'll not even think of it. Let alone mention it.
Madam, my advice: do what is right. Marry traditionally in the presence of your people with the said man present then you can follow him to Mars if you so wish (that's if the man even has marriage in mind).
Peace be unto you.
I agree. But there are also tales of ladies who have been married traditionally by abroad men who had to wait long years before their spouses came for them or long years for their papers. For some the men never came back sef after the marriage due to issues abroad. Hence visiting visa is not a bad idea but poster should not be his baby mama cos you're not his wife until you're married. Abroad marriage na really a walk of faith and fate, cos both methods have pros and cons.
DeleteA good,loving and caring father that hasn’t set eyes on his daughter for 22years.saya a lot about him..besides it’s bin barely weeks and he is already planning marriage.for someone u don’t know so well and much older than u are thread with caution.life over there is different from life here.when u get there u will be at his mercy,and if u do not like some things about him u just have to keep swallowing until u get ur papers..hmmm I hope u are physically,and mentally ready for this?? be careful and think it twice.
ReplyDelete10 years, not 22, that's the daughter's age.
DeleteDo these men not see Nigerian ladies abroad to marry? They never learn
ReplyDeleteThey see Nigerian women abroad, but Nigerian women abroad won't tolerate their nonsense hence the need to come home and get a JJC who doesn't know how the abroad system works.ððð
DeletePoster I do not know your mans intentions but about getting married and processing documents, it is easier when you are in the US. Bringing you in as wife takes a longer time. you can marry in Nigeria but still secure a visit visa and do a civil wedding in the US and process your paper.
ReplyDeleteyour man know how it works and trying to make things easier.
First, I am a male.
ReplyDeleteAll these talks about see parents, pay bride price, marry you proper, what type of visa to process for you are secondary.
The primary issue is what manner of man is this man. What bags is he carrying or hiding from you. What are the contents of the bags. Your post is bereft of the answers to these questions.
For the umpteenth time, how can a man not see is daughter for 10years in America of all places, and not be ashamed to say it to a woman he wants to marry. So he was truthful. But if he is not being restrained from seeing his daughter, then with all due apologies, he appears to me a callous man.
But as said already by a Bv, if you want to run out of Nigeria (things are tough enough for that), the choice is yours. Note, however, that "you may have to pay for the ticket". If that be so, may God give you a good priced ticket.
Best wishes.
Japa first,then think later. If I see this kind opportunity ehn, na me go happy
ReplyDeleteSmh. Na this kind mindset make people land for libya.
DeleteAll these talks about see parents, pay bride price, marry you proper, what type of visa to process for you are secondary. Some women were married in Nigeria and they never left the country as planned.
ReplyDeleteThe primary issue is what manner of man is this man. What bags is he carrying or hiding from you. What are the contents of the bags. Your post is bereft of the answers to these questions.
For the umpteenth time, how can a Nigerian man not see his daughter for 10years in America of all places, and not be ashamed to say it to a woman he wants to marry. So he was truthful. But if he is not being restrained from seeing his daughter, then with all due apologies, he appears to me a callous man.
But as said already by a Bv, if you want to run out of Nigeria (things are tough enough for that), the choice is yours. Note, however, that "you may have to pay for the ticket". If that be so, may God give you a fair (friendly) priced
Best wishes.
The guy is right concerning how long the fiancee or wife visa takes. It takes veryyyyy longggggg. If you pray and is convinced about it then by all means follow ur instincts and trust in God but insist on getting married immediately you get there then come back and do trad afterwards
ReplyDeletehis idea is the fastest way to have a steady fuck mate...but if he is genuine he can wait for about 18months after marriage n filling like I did.
ReplyDelete1. If you have willing relatives or a friend in the US, ask them to help you run a background check on him. Pls nothing is free oh so offer to pay for it since this is your problem, not theirs. Find out his records and history and all and evaluate his level of honesty with you.
ReplyDelete2. I see nothing wrong in entering the US with visiting visa, however ensure you keep to the laws of the visiting visa. If he fails to marry you within 6 months, depart the US immediately. Do not become illegal oh, that process can be long, daunting and tragic especially for females. Once you are illegal, he can turn you into his slave and threaten you with deportation.
3. All visa processes in the US are currently taking years so he is right. Immigration right now is a disaster. Even visiting visas are now difficult to get, no dates and all. But whatever you enter as, know that you are on your own as long as status is concerned until he puts a ring on it.
4. Even if you enter the US on any visa even k-visa, he still has the right to break up or say he doesn't want anymore. My point is, don't depend on anyone especially someone you don't know too well. You can enter with visiting visa, apply immediately for a masters program and make the switch. That way even if you both don't make it to marriage, you can have a legal status, fend for yourself and independently make your own decisions.
5. I say this cos I went through something similar. Luckily for me I'm a scholar, I get brain and like school so I applied and got in to US with student visa. We later broke up and I'm so glad with my life right now. If I had entered with K or visitor as his family wanted, I would have been stranded and they would have controlled me.
6. Pray and good luck!
Dear poster, listen to me. I married my husband with a visiting Visa and I was 26 then. But the difference is that he never had any child and his whole family came for introduction before I traveled. When I got there, we did our court wedding and he immediately changed my status from a visiting visa to a green card holder.
ReplyDeleteWhat am trying to say is that, you should follow your heart and pray for God’s guidance like I did and he was also a family friend and not someone I just met.
Just be careful
You know this man more than any of us on this blog so my advice will not relate to whether you should be with him or not. My advice is based on what he told you which is very accurate.it is easier for you to get a B1 or B2 visa to gain entry into the US, then get a marriage license in the county he resides or whatever county and have a civil ceremony where a Judge joins you in marriage. He can then file to adjust your status to a permanent resident. The time frame for this process depends on the state you reside because I-130s or I-485s are processed in the order received and some states receive more application than others. For instance, Alaska may process within 5 months while California may take 1 year for obvious reasons. If you marry in 9ja and have him file spousal visa for you, expect a long wait, same as fiancee visa at this time.
ReplyDeleteYou can do your research about this man, public records are easily accessible in the US. Find out his address, and the county he lives in, then conduct a public search with his name on the website of that county (property records, marriage records, civil or criminal cases).
Please take everything this man tells you with a grain of salt. I have a feeling that there’s a lot he is hiding from you. Do a background check on him and find out if he is currently married to anyone here! Has he been to jail? Why hasn’t he seen his own child in a decade? Is he a green card holder or U.S citizen? I highly recommend you do not travel unless you are at least legally married in naija. You have to look out for yourself!! A word is enough for the wise.
ReplyDeleteYou are the one wearing the shoe so get all the information you want to get out of that man before you accept his proposal. You cannot trust anyone with what is happening around us lately.
ReplyDeleteMake findings before you jump into marriage with this man, obodo oyibo husband without making proper investigation is not a good way to go.