Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 51

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Sunday, November 14, 2021

CHRONICLES OF A MARRIED MAN – 51

“Abegi! Marriage is not an achievement”, She blurted out.











That statement above triggered a gender war that afternoon.

 It was one those rainy days at sea when we were “standing by” waiting for the rain to subside. We had enough free time in our hands to argue and she was ready for us that day.

That statement above was triggered when one of my colleagues told her to “to go and marry” as we would come to Uyo to “cause problem” in the town that day.

 Being the only woman in our midst in a facility that had about 60 personnel; she was already used to our tantrums. She could banter with us on any issue and sometimes you would even forget that she is a lady amongst us.

As a young female engineer working in such environment, she wasn’t doing badly and was financially well off. She is an intelligent woman who knows how to carry herself and any man getting married to her would be lucky to have her as a wife.

So started the argument about marriage being an achievement or not. She made her point that marriage should not define her life and what she has achieved; that anybody can get married and it doesn’t change or mean anything. That we should stop this “nonsense” of always pressuring people to go get married; and besides not everyone one will get married in the first place. She went on to ask us what marriage will possibly give to her that she doesn’t already have now, she could even decide to have a child now if and when she wants.

The arguments went back and forth until one of our supervisors, who was a much older man, asked her a very interesting question. He had been sitting at the corner listening to all the banters while sipping coffee without saying anything.

“Is getting a degree any achievement?” he asked. She answered “yes na”. “How about getting a car for example?” he queried further. She also answered in the affirmative.

“So, what makes you for one moment think that marriage which could have one of the most life-changing effects on you; which people spend millions of naira, takes lots of time and processes to do, which causes people to make career changing and life altering decisions is not an achievement when it is done right?”

He continued, “I have had two master degrees from both here in Nigeria and abroad, did lots of professional certifications and other industry courses; which I considered great achievements. But none of these can be compared to my marriage which has produced two children. If anything were to happen to my marriage today, I would be devastated”

After those comments, the arguments continued. You can never beat this young woman in such arguments. Afterall nobody wins the gender war! But the highlight of the day were those comments from my supervisor.

Today, “marriage is not an achievement” has become one of the popular anti-marriage chants and most times has become a source of major online arguments between the married and the unmarried folks. By now, you should already know where I stand in such arguments.

Here is my take on this...

I think that statement became popular as a form a resistance from single folks who had had to fight back the pressure from family members, friends and society of the need to get married irrespective of whether they are happy or not, successful or not and despite whatever achievements they may have made in life as unmarried people.

It was a callout to the hypocrisy of the society that will not acknowledge the efforts these young folks of today, especially the women, have put in to become successful people, fight prejudices, broke boundaries and barriers; overcame racial and other forms of discriminations. It is a rebellion to the notion that you haven’t achieved anything as a young woman until you are married.

Beyond that, we all know that marriage is an achievement. You can argue all you want. But we all know better. But that should not define one’s life achievement in other areas especially if the person decides not to get married. The bottom-line is “live and let live”. for the married and unmarried.

As someone who also faced the pressure of the “go and marry” issue, I have always encouraged young people to get used to it. It has become more of a cultural thing for us on this side of the world and it is not going away anytime soon. I have of become the chairman of the “go and marry” gang now due to the numerous young men working under me.

I get the anger and resentment some of you feel about it. Besides some people really want to get married but couldn’t because of one reason or the other which is beyond their control, they haven’t been able to do that. Such callouts have even driven some young people into marriages they didn’t plan or are prepared for.

Most times, such “go and marry” advise is usually done from a place of love but like everything in life, some people overdo it and this is where the fight back starts from. I get it that people want to be left alone to take their time to prepare both materially and otherwise for such life-changing move. It behooves on us to be more patient and understanding to the plight of such people.

I gave these two pieces of advice to a lady I was dating awhile back when I was “still in the world” due to pressure from her mother to get married, and she was getting depressed. I told her the next time mother tries to pressure her with the “go and marry” talk, she should Find a way to guilt trip her back.

 Most times, people can’t take back what they dish out to others. I told her to use statements like “It’s you that caused it, you are not praying well enough for me”, “it’s because I got my bad character from you, so no man wants me”, “they said it is the fault of my family especially my mother” and so on. It sounded like a stupid and ridiculous advice at first but after she tried it a couple of times, the mother left her alone. She is married now.

One of my boys use to tell me “Oga, as you people have refused to increase my salary, I can’t get married”

Whatever you do, if you are not married, have successes in other areas. Most times people are scared to give such advice to you when they see that you are do doing well. If marriage doesn’t come, go make money or build a career or do something else with your life. You can’t be sitting idle at home as a young woman after graduation and doing nothing, and not expect to be called out by your parents. Do something with your life.

The female colleague I mentioned above has gotten married and has since resigned and stopped going offshore after became pregnant. The last time I met her at an occasion, I asked her if she still feels marriage is not a achievement, she told me to “getat!” and we laughed about it.

Till next time!

Ciao!

46 comments:

  1. I am not going to patronize this discussion as you did by converting it to an argument.
    What is important is keeping the marriage bed pure for God will judge the adulterers and sexually immoral
    Heb. 13:4
    When you say, "when I was in the world" isn't that confusing?
    You began these chronicles by telling us how you and your wife were in the Church and lying to the pastor in marriage counseling that you were
    celibate; what was that?
    Please help define "when I was in the world" to help some of us follow your
    chronicles well. In most of your discourse, you have severally supported your philandering married colleagues. I am still to appreciate your stance here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Marriage is not an achievement.

      Delete
    2. Haba! Why do you constantly remind this man of his past errors? Do you know if he has privately asked God for forgiveness?

      Every week, you keep reminding him of sins he committed in the past. Are you his creator?

      Please learn to be less judgemental and show love

      Delete
    3. You have a narrow mindset. You fail to see the various practical issues this man highlights in his write-ups because you are too busy judging him. You don’t have to agree with him, but his life is really not your business.
      Deal with issues he raises, call him out when you don’t agree with his write-ups or if he seems to promote debauchery. But let his write up drive your contribution, that’s why this is a separate column, not ‘spontaneous post’. The ‘undefiled bed’ has nothing to do with this write-up above.

      Delete
    4. @Mystic and anonymous
      The title says; "Chronicles" (plural) It is not just what is written now. I know where the story started.
      I asked questions and asked him to clear somethings to enable me understand. You all mounted your judgment thrones to
      execute me without answering my questions which of course was not directed at you. Overtime, he has been consistent in defending and
      espousing sexual immoralities of this colleagues; that is not a repentant heart, is it? There should be fruits in keeping with repentance.

      Delete
    5. Wow, mystic, you saying she has a narrow mindset isn't judgment, right? Same way you've followed her comments is same way she has followed the writers. It looks like you both judged and cursed.

      Delete
    6. Please nobody is judging you ****, it's not a secret that you are the chief judge of sdkville.

      Every week 'you ask these questions' and ignore what he has written that day. Abi do you want him to stop writing because he doesn't meet the standards you think he should?

      Delete
    7. @16:06, yes her comments always center on previous posts, she has narrowed her contributions to dwell only on shenanigans disclosed in previous posts. That’s me saying it as it is. If it qualifies as judgment, then that’s it 🀷🏻‍♀️.
      @****, I am not going to ask you to take correction, sometimes people like you dont. (Remember when bvs tried correcting one that insisted this guy’s name is ‘ciao’ πŸ™„)
      So feel free to always revert to the start of his column, to bring issues which don’t relate to the current post, to distract from the point of his article and to be the singular, most consistent voice throwing a shade on the writer by referencing his cheating ways, every week. Feel free.
      Thank God God is not man.
      (PS - you are the one on a throne ooo, and every sunday you go - ehen, onye mmeghe, i bia go?)

      Delete
    8. Mystic πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
    9. @Mystic
      But there is a BV by name ciao, or is it not this writer? I think anyone that writes should be in the comment section to answer questions posed to him or her. How do we distinguish from when someone is asking genuine questions. I for one do not see the questions she asked as judgmental. I am so passionate about stories and if a present story does not corroborate with the former one, I will also ask questions.

      Delete
    10. There is no bv called ciao. We already corrected you the last time that ciao is an Italian translation of hello or see you later, you still no wan gree.

      Delete
    11. Do you know all blog visitors here? Stop this unnecessary ego trip. I have commented under
      a BV by that name

      Delete
    12. *** has made herself an assistant Jesus. She is the holiest and most righteous person on this blog according to her assumptions!!!

      Delete
    13. Very soon you will tell us you are the BV with the name Ciao. Don't accept correction, continue to say Ciao is the name of a person, na you sabi.

      Delete
    14. 19.23 as in, it's so tiring.

      Delete
    15. Once someone makes a bible reference, you all begin to shout "assistant Jesus." What is there in that comment that should generate such vitriolic sentiments..

      Delete
    16. You’re ignorant (the way you insist ciao) is his name despite being corrected repeatedly.

      You’re exhausting and annoying! You’ve decided not to like any of his post because of your self appointed judgemental attitude.

      You’re not a good Christian as matter of fact you don’t even know or understand the essence of Christianity .

      Have I said you’re annoying yet ? Yea you’re annoying and your silly fallacious argument is exhausting now, stop engaging in fallacy of ad hominem, clearly shows you don’t even any content contribution to make .

      And yes HEAL!

      Delete
    17. Haba I think you guys are being too hard on ***. I think the ciao issue was ANG. *** and ANG are two different people though they sometimes sound alike. I actually understand her comment. I think she's saying the issue shouldn't be whether marriage is an achievement or not, when people don't treat marriage as the sacred union it is or should be. That the sacredness of marriage and doing it right is more important than the bragging rights of it, ie, 'achievement'. And if you read today's chronicles on the lady planning to commit adultery, you will kinda get her point.

      Delete
    18. Anon 21.50, ANG = ****

      Delete
    19. @21:50
      **** is not the name of a person, they are four asterisks 🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣🀣

      Delete
  2. Me never marry so I dunno if it's gonna be an achievement or not when I finally do...
    I jus wanna be happy n die when I should...

    ReplyDelete
  3. She told me to "getat" πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    I believe in marriage jare. I look forward to getting married and having my own family.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sure babe, u will, i pray it comes to u in 2022. Congrats in advance

      Delete
  4. Replies
    1. Why is nobody attacking @loveall for calling this writer Ciao? I just read the war up there. I think these babes attacks all is because of the Word of God. When they find nothing else to attack, they settle on unnecessary issues.

      Delete
    2. Stop it, nobody is attacking the word of God, why can't you people take corrections. You act all judgemental over here and when people call you and your likes our, you form persecution.

      Nobody is calling out loveall because she didn't make a judgemental statement

      Delete
    3. 01.29 Loveall added a wave emoji, which is fitting with ciao (Hello or Bye).

      You sha don't want to accept correction, busy looking for excuses to keep saying Ciao is a person's name. Smh!!

      Delete
  5. Getat 🀣🀣🀣.... this has to be your best piece and I look forward to moreπŸ™

    ReplyDelete
  6. Nice article Sir!


    My own opinion: if you want to get married and you eventually get married, it is an achievement for you. Some may not want to get married so it isn't and achievement for them.
    Anything you desire and you get is an achievement

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. An achievement is something that was a goal for you. So it is very subjective. You can only speak of yourself.

      Delete
    2. Yes, this is true, achievement is subjective based on the individual,in my opinion, the word "achievement" sounds like something that was within your power to get if you work hard for it, my personal experience was that I did everything I know how to do and then some but marriage still didn't come so I will agree with Anon 15:48 down there, marriage is a gift that God gave me to make like better and easier for me.

      Delete
  7. Well said. Marriage is am achievement if you marry your friend.

    ReplyDelete
  8. me i want to get married oo. Though i dont see it as an achievement especially for those who marry the wrong people. i think the achievement is in marrying the right person

    ReplyDelete
  9. This piece I like, very impersonal. Kudos

    ReplyDelete
  10. It's a biological achievement.

    ReplyDelete
  11. If u marry the right spouse biko its an achievement.but if na the other way round, hmmmmm na die be that, it's like a bad investment u will keep regretting why u ventured into it.

    ReplyDelete
  12. You keep finding a way
    "not to patronize" this post. You too can do your own Chronicles of a married woman weekly and not your "I have written about my life here" for us all to read and learn.

    Comments on this post week in week out show the post is popular and folks appreciate it.

    You have shown us you're perfect and live a perfect life, allow him be with his "when I was in the world".
    Keep focusing on the topic of the day and stop finding ways to bring him down. You're not God and never will be Your hating on the post is boring already.

    Quit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't mind the most righteous and judgemental human, I've ever encountered.
      She knows all the passages of the bible more than everyone. Her life is perfect, her marriage is perfect, everything about her is perfect yet she finds time to be nagging other people on this blog.

      Delete
    2. 19.26 I wouldn't even call it nagging, more like trolling and being a nuisance.

      Delete
  13. God's Masterpiece14 November 2021 at 15:13

    Just like School certificate and some other achievements, Marriage if done with the right person is an achievement.It is an institution one does not graduate from,we grow,learn and unlearn in marriage.


    However, I believe Achievement can be subjective what I perceive as an achievement might not be,to another.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I think of marriage as a gift, a mirror image of Christ and his bride, a gift from God to man. And I believe that if you marry purposefully, you'll know that it wasn't by power or might but by his spirit. If you marry well you'll most likely think of your spouse and family as God's gift to you.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This aptly captures my perception of what marriage is.πŸ‘ŒπŸ‘ŒπŸ‘Œ

      Delete
  15. Marriage is a beautiful thing. I pray that I pray right

    ReplyDelete
  16. Marriage is wonderful if done and gotten right. So yes it can be an achievement and no it may not be to others enduring in painful one.

    ReplyDelete

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