Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Sunday In House Gists - Adoption And The Right Time To Let The Cat Out Of The Bag..

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Sunday, January 16, 2022

Sunday In House Gists - Adoption And The Right Time To Let The Cat Out Of The Bag..

Let us discuss about a few adoption issues that will benefit some and enlighten some......








These questions arise from watching your adopted kid(s) grow up before your eyes....When is the appropriate age to tell a child he/she was adopted? When did you tell your adopted child the truth? If you are an adopted child, please tell us how you found out and what your reaction was.... 


If you tell them, does the relationship remain the same? If you are an adopted child, please tell us if the relationship between you and your adopted family remained the same after you found out the truth about your birth....

If you are the adopted parents, please tell us if things changed around the house and how you managed it and the outcome.

Do you have adopted children that are now adults but dont know the truth about their birth? why did you not tell them? we need to know if telling them does any harm.

 
If you are an adopted child or parents to adopted Children, please step forward and let us gist!!!

58 comments:

  1. This topic is a very necessary one. I believe many bvs wi benefit from it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tell the adopted child from age 4,at most 6

      Delete
    2. Ah! 15:16
      4-6 is a little too young to be able to understand l unless they are being bullied.
      Adolescence if you must..at least then they are prepared and confident to take on any bullying or teasing.

      Delete
    3. This topic just reminded me of London Heist.... Jeeeeze that movie, how he found out, how he honoured that man and how he brutally ended his stupid Biological father .
      I ain't telling nothing 😔

      Delete
    4. 4 is young o
      Most adopted kids always feel like they don't belong or always wonder why their biological parents never wanted them.
      Imagine having a child feel dejected from age 4.

      Wait until the child is emotionally mature to handle such news.

      Delete
  2. Never! I'm never gonna tell they were adopted

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Big mistake, cos they will eventually find out and resent you for not telling them earlier

      Delete
    2. Adoption isn’t a dirty little secret 14:03. Let them know cos there’s nothing wrong with being adopted.

      Delete
    3. True! You may end up losing them

      Delete
  3. I am the oldest adopted child, my parents went later had 3 kids, I'm 14 years older than them, Now in my late 30s. My dad abused me but stopped when my siblings were old enough to talk so I used them as shield, I made sure one was always around me. Whenever he calls me to the room, I carry one along and if he asks d child to go out, the child will playfully jump on the bed, they defy him always as they are spoilt n he can't caution them, they were my saving grace till he passed on 2yrs ago. I resolved to not to tell my mom as it would break her. I have grown above the abuse and a level headed woman now, hoping to get married someday, if I dont, I adopt a child of my own. Mom doesnt pressure me, infact she says my siblings are my kids, lol. They all live with me now with a live in help, our mom is cruising her old age, I wish I could give her grand kids. When I was told I was adopted and the circumstances, I felt indifferent and also was given the option of visiting a distant relative of my biological parents, I have no intention, it is a far journey to Ogoni, i have a duty to honor my now parents, no going back to poke at dead embers, I am Adaeze now.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sorry for all you went through in the hands of your dad.A beautiful decision you made there

      Delete
    2. I love your maturity. All your desires will be met

      Delete
    3. 14.12 i love the way you sound. God bless you.

      Delete
    4. HEAVEN BLESS YOU

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    5. ooh GOD bless your beautiful heart and may all your heart desire come to pass in JESUS NAME!!

      Delete
    6. Big ups, Adaeze. ✊🏻

      Delete
    7. Oh! I love you for this. May God continue to be with you.

      Delete
    8. God bless you for being nice. Well done.

      Delete
    9. So sorry
      You are a strong and courageous woman
      Thank God for healing
      E-hugs

      Delete
    10. God bless you with a good man
      That will cherish you

      Delete
    11. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗. Much love Adaeze. May all your heart desires be granted.

      Delete
    12. Some men are dogs!
      This type of sexual abuse story is very common. A small girl in your care, you will be molesting her, you have a wife o, useless men. All child molesters won't die well.
      Anon keep your spirit high, your prayers will be answered

      Delete
    13. 18:59 Nigerian men? As disgusting and useless as ever. The only thing they have in their brains is their penis. With their sperm filled heads. Irritating things.
      Poster, I'm happy you have healed. I hope you teach your daughter how to defend herself (when you have her) in the precense of these worthless animsls.

      Delete
  4. There's a school of thought that it's best to tell kids when they're old enough to understand, while some say it's best when the kid asks, especially for kids with a different racial background from their parents.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My husband and his sister were adopted by a nurse. Her husband divorced her because she couldn't have children.
    They found out on their own when they were kids at different times.

    My sister inlaw said she over heard her mum and her sister who is a Rev sister saying something about it and later she saw the adoption documents when she was searching for something.

    My husband also saw the adoption documents on his own in his mother's drawer.

    She never discussed it with them and they never asked her anything till she died. Even when she knew they have found out, they didn't discuss it.

    When I asked my hubby why he didn't ask her he said he doesn't want her to feel bad because she's very sensitive and emotional.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Your 2nd para...she saw the document when she was searching for something or she was actually searching for the adoption document. Lol.

      Delete
    2. Maybe the mum purposely kept the document where they could find it.

      Delete
    3. Wow.
      Your husband and the sister tried for not questioning their adopted mum

      Delete
  6. Please, I wanna ask is there any need of parents coming up just like that to tell their adopted child/children they were adopted.
    The explanation can come when the child founds out and decided to ask.

    For me I don't think there is need for that....my opinion though.

    Divinely

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think it is best to tell the child when he is old enough and tell him the reason for it
      .

      Delete
    2. In this society we live in,it is good they know and good also if they know that from you before the society tells them.Once they are adolescents,go ahead and tell them before they get bullied for that.

      Delete
  7. You see this abuse thing ehhnn, that's what scares me towards adoption.....
    As long as, the man is not the biological father, anything can happen ohhhhhhh!!! Especially when you marry an idiot.
    I was adopted or rather picked at the dustbin by Mum who wasn't ready to raise a child as at when she did.(she was 32 as at then ohhhhh) while I was 1year and 6months

    I faced all sorts of sexual abuse from relatives and my mum's boyfriends because according to them I wasn't their blood so to them, it isn't incest.
    Later on, my mum married and it kept happening. Her husband and the man's son continued, until my mum's Friend took me in and showed me real motherly love... Pastors always tell my Mum that I am possessed and all sort of bullshit simply because according to them they don't know my origin since I was adopted.

    I grew up a damaged child, and still trying to heal.
    In my own case, relatives told me I was born throwaway, before my mum Even told me sef. Tho, my mum did not give birth again, I still feel like am not fully accepted...
    Funny enough, my mum's sister has an adopted daughter because she gave birth to just boys, but I keep wondering why nobody feels she is possessed
    Sigh...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ewooo, so sorry dear. I pray you find peace and joy in life. Forgive and get help.

      Delete
    2. Ha!!!! This is horrible!!!

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    3. 15:23, so sorry about all you've been through.. If you have the means do see a therapist so you can get your life on track.. It's never too late to start afresh as long as you among the living. Seek help I beg you..



      Lovelace

      Delete
    4. All child molesters will die horrible deaths. Amen. Dogs in men's body

      Delete
    5. 19:02 emphasis on FEMALE therapist before you jam one randy make therapist that will just add to your woes.
      I pray for healing for you.

      Delete
  8. I don't think it is necessary to let the kids know that they were adopted, if i adopt tomorrow i will never let the child(ren) know that he/she was adopted even if they grow old.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I will destroy any evidence, move far away from any lunatic that may want to spoil there joy.

      Delete
  9. I plan to adopt in the future and my children will know that they are adopted.

    ReplyDelete
  10. There's no desire for a thing unknown. To me, it's not necessary telling. You may just stir up things that may destroy everything you built from the very beginning

    ReplyDelete
  11. There is no cat
    And
    There is no bag.
    Treating the child like your own child is the goal and she/he will not know another parent even if
    you show her her biological parents.
    Well that's my experience.

    ReplyDelete
  12. I don't think it's necessary to tell them. I have many people arround me that adopted children

    ReplyDelete
  13. I have been wanting to write you concerning this for some time now. Ever since I read the stories of those two posters that were adopted. I have an adopted brother which my dad adopted when he was 3yrs and he is 15 now. He is the best little brother anyone could ask for, he is so caring, thoughtful and so talented. My younger sis always say he is the best gift my dad left us.
    I have always said when he's like 20 or little above 20 he will be told he was adopted. I hope he takes it well because I will heartbroken if he decides to behave like that poster that was selfish and ungrateful to her adopted parents. My dad is late now and we have taken it upon ourselves to be there for him. He so loved by my mom, myself and sister, if don't tell you he's adopted you will never know because he's grown to look like us so much.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. From your narative he is your only brother. Biko don't tell him except he asks. Keep the flow of kindness.

      Delete
    2. Please dont tell him at age 20. That is still ayoung age. Maybe tell him at like 26. Also make sure you go to family therapy so he can work through emotions

      Delete
    3. Please don't tell him, what he doesn't know we not hurt him. He is your brother whom you love and ready to share all things with so it is not necessary, this flesh can betray anyone and he will start seeing things from different perspectives from the day he knows about his identity in your family.

      Delete
  14. I want to adopt a baby,even though I have kids of my own,it something I ve always wanted to do even when I was single,I want to give that child a better life and I am not going to tell her she's adopted and I pray she never finds out,I am going to do it in such a way that people will think I gave birth to her,I don't want any discrimination among my kids...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You are BLESSED.
      May that child bring you joy and peace unending.
      I intend to adopt as well.
      Its something I've been planning towards for over 10 years.

      Delete
  15. I'm scared of telling mine too after those two chronicles and a few real life stories out here. Before she will change to a monster.
    I have heard stories of adopted kids on finding out, killed their parents and siblings and turned to something else so they can inherit the inheritance. They feel they will be cheated out of the inheritance since they were adopted, they feel they are outsiders and all the good things that have been done to them is just pretence. Some bad ones though.

    So I suggest that if you don't have your own biological child, tell him or her or them their story. But if you have your own biological children or child, keep shut and die with the secret. Keep the adoption documents away from the house or in a locked safe whose key is outside the house. Just hide them well.

    Above all, treat the adopted kids equally like your own kids, take good care of them and protect them from your husband, yes your husband and your brothers/sons. You read how some horsebands/sons abused adopted girls up there? they don't write 'DOG' on their foreheads.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Apt👌
      They don't write dogs on their foreheads. You never can tell what that your loving and 'holy' husband is capable of doing.

      Delete
    2. And this thing of allowing female children to sit on men's laps, please other than the father, no child male or female, should sit on any males laps.
      If seat no dey, let the child sit on the ground.

      Delete

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