Hmmmm...
TIRED OF DATING DOWN..
I am tired of dating down.
I am tired of dating down.
You know how they say a woman should not be too choosy? I have followed that. And it has not been beneficial to me. I am just tired.
I come from an upper middle class family and have a Master’s degree. I have a good business. I am well traveled. I keep dating down and they keep using me. I spend on these men because I am a generous person. I believe that if I love someone, I should let them feel my love. I buy gifts. I am there for them in non financial ways as well. I take care of their families. Their parents. Siblings. Kids from previous relationships. Yet, they hurt me at the end.
I am tired of dating down and still being hurt by them.
How do I meet high networth men in Lagos?
I know a rich man can still hurt me but at least if I want to eat frog, let me eat a fat one. I remember that you once said that our network is our networth. Where do rich people hang out in Lagos? Any clubs? Restaurants?
I am not a nightclubbing lady. Are there members only clubs that one can go? I live in the mainland but hope to move to Lekki soon. I am a divorcee in my late 40s.
I married down as well and was used by my husband. I would love to marry again. And even if I don’t remarry, I just don’t want to date down again. I want to date up now. Please help!
You are tired of dating down and want to date up? You can meet people in Church, Shopping malls where only the rich go in, hair salons, clothes shop, Expensive restaurants... The list is endless....
If you are looking to meet people n your class then go where they hang out in the day time as well... You can meet them in Banks as well oh.... You need to look but first i will advise you to rediscover yourself, love yourself more and exude self confidence!
I hope i made sense?
Good luck!
It seems you are not the outgoing type and you need to do more in that aspect.I wish you well
ReplyDeleteRead "the secret" by Rhonda Byrne. It will teach you have everything that ever happened to you, you attracted. You will then learn how to attract that which you desire instead.
DeleteIt's all in your hands. If you go to those clubs suggested without doing anything about your mind, you will get ignored by good men and the low lives will come to you.
Ms Saphire 🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰😘😘😘😘😘
DeleteIt's important for everyone to read the book 'The Secret'. All you need to manifest your desire is your tongue, your heart and your hands.
Love yourself more, dress well n be focus.
DeleteGod first
Sorry o and i think if you dey go all the happening places for Island go make sense wella
ReplyDeleteAlmost me. Difference is I'm in my mid thirties and not as rich but comfortable. I work in lekki but I must say it's the same everywhere. I meet men but mostly married and unserious one in this lekki. God's gat us.
DeleteIt's not a matter of meeting people. Problem is, these people dont love you and you are ignoring the signs using gifts while hoping d gifts would make them love you. Relax, take a deep breath, d dating pool is a tighter now,, so dont use gifts to buy anyone over. If you no see, chill. If you see better one, better.
ReplyDeleteGbam!
DeleteAnd you think Location is a status for wealth??
ReplyDeleteYou think it's only rich people that stay at the Island? While poor People stay at Alaba,Okoko and Ojo Environs?
Adjust that mentality first before you look for love please,or you can as well look for a Golf Club in the Island and register since that's how you see things..
An advice;A gift cant buy the heart of any man who doesnt love you,dont gift if you truly dont feel being loved in return..
True love happens anywhere,keep an open mind and dont move around everyday thinking of marriage and who would love you;give yourself enough doze of love that an aspiring partner would see it and need to be a part of your life so they can feel same too..
Most Men can smell desperation and would exploit your act of kindness then dump you when done..
@MARTINS
Nothing to add✔.
DeleteI met my husband when I was living in a village in Umuahia, note I had lived in several high net worth locations prior to this, he is everything I desired and more. Poster, stop thinking it’s about location and stop dwelling so much on it, focus on being happy and living your life while praying and believing, it will come in due time.
DeleteMust you have a man in your life? You must understand that men in your age range are married and if they want to cheat on their wives, they go for younger ladies. Even ladies in their 30s find it hard to find good men not to talk about you in your 40s. Your only hope right now is match making. Relax. Enjoy your money. You give men your body and still give them your money. That's really bad. Nigeria is tough too. People ain't gat jobs. So stop complaining about dating down. If you're still interested in getting married then close your legs when the next man comes along and hold your money tightly. I don't know why women seem not to be able to live without men. The so-called companionship they claim they need men for is over-rated in my humble opinion. If he's not a God lover, he'll still get tired of your body and cheat on you. It happens all over the world.
ReplyDeleteHer only hope is not match making. Our star and grace is different. My landlady lost her husband three years ago. She has grand children. In her fifties but got married last Saturday to an amazing young man who is two years older than her. Everyone at the reception could not understand what that cute guy saw in this woman. It's all about God's favour. The woman in question is a civil servant of less that 150k monthly so she no get money and the man is a successful business man
DeletePray and have an open mind. I am not Bianca Onoh, but even before I gained admission to the university, I had very comfortable and good looking suitors. People say I have an attractive spirit. Don’t pretend, be yourself. Love can find you anywhere.
ReplyDeleteIt is just not enough to say "pray;" to whom?
DeleteI say pray to Jesus.
😔😔😔 I'm sorry my sister. It is well. Good men are hard to find. Meeting high class quality networked networthy men is not impossible. But it all starts with you. You can be generous, be a good cook, be well-traveled, be overly educated, be great in bed and he'll still leave. It's just how men are designed. He'll leave and the world would applaud him. It's a man's world. So it all starts and end with you. You just focus on loving yourself more and you'll find things always working in your favor. (And I mean ALWAYS - even your mistakes work in your favor) No one who actually goes in search of a man actually finds them. You didn't keep any man anywhere. So focus on you and you'll attract the right man. Read the book 'The Secret' and also "48 laws of power". Hope this helps. 😘😘😘
ReplyDeleteLove yourself first and love with your head before your heart. When going into a relationship, don't start buying gifts to prove you love them. Hide your wealth and study your partner well enough . Don't be fast to open up after your ok investment. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteA provider will care for you and not be looking at how to gold dig/ manipulate/mine you
DeleteThanks Stella for listing those "meeting places." You can't go to night clubs where people go to soak themselves in alcohol and drug, orgies and the like and expect to come out with a saint from there. But do note too that some wolves go to churches to get wives too.
ReplyDeleteThe problem I read from your story is lack of the knowledge of God. Since you have tried your bit and it isn't working, try someone else, not something else. Talk to Jesus today and tell him that you need him to help you. When you seek the Kingdom of God and his righteousness, every other thing shall be added to you. .. including marriage; good marriage, not just cohabitation.
So you are in your late 40s and have been married! Let me just tell you, you oooze of desperation. Looking at the trend you spoke about, why don't you just love yourself and pamper yourself with all the money that you have, instead of looking for another man to give you HBP. Growing up, I was like you. I was a mother Theresa to my boy friends, their mothers and sisters will ask me fir gifts and money ;then before I became born again. I am a wealthy home, but did not really see men from lower background as an issue! I turned down the hand wealth guys that wanted to marry me, and focused on ecomog doing oyibo love! My dear in my late 30s I realized that I did not set my priorities right!!! I am widely travelled , but back in Nigeria , after traveling the world pursuing my career. The covid was a good time for me to see people's true color , when they think you are broke! I do my freelance consulting and focus on myself. In short Nigeria has been a toxic place for me! Both men and women are greedy!!! I give people everyone an impression that my enemy is broke !!! I now have peace of mind ! I don't attract greedy men, women and siblings anymore. My money works for me, but because most of my funds is in investment until I am 50, i live as a minimalist. I live on the high land! So living here does not guarantee you meet wealthy men! I remember a lady who moved to the main land because she was always meeting evil fake life people on the Island!!! I attend church with billionaires and I don't even give them a 2nd look, because they are humans like me. Valentine I had loads of ice cream and dark chocolate as food , as I am off flour.so I had it like food!!! My dopamine level was high!!! I also get high by speaking in tongues !!! My dear sis life is sweet , when you have the joy of the Lord, and you are living the Zoe life in Christ Jesus!!!
ReplyDeleteShe met a wealthy man on the mainland and married within a year!!! I am thinking of even relocating to my state in the Niger Delta as my base, before I check out of Nigeria again, due to my personal project. Nobody completes you as a human being! You complete yourself. I am 45 and I have been celibate for years and I have guys as my friends, and toasters o!!! I have been so scarred and I am healing and life in Christ, has been blissful! There are good marriages and I believe women who come to this blog should use Eka Joy's experience as a model , not to settle for less. My own is I even meet billionaires sef! Either they are married to a white Woman and want home wife! I nor dey date married man, whether oyibo or akata for papers! Marriage is Marriage !!! I nor dey date divorced person and widower , because I don't know what killed your spouse !!! My billionaire friends say I am too proud,As I come from money, I nor dey send them!!!My dear poster, follow man from 3rd gen wealth, as all this 1st gen wealthy men, most have poverty mentality , as they are coming from poverty. Any one coming from deep rooted poverty as a man, most times behave crass!!! I know their secrets, most of them don't have clean money, the ones that have clean money and modest are taken!!! I don't date married men, I don't date younger men!!! My goal now is to drive my projects and focus on myself, while I worship God to the fullest. Please poster find Christ and the essence of your existence, which is not tied to any man , but to God! Shalom
Hmmm anon just remain celibate and unmarried Biko. It’s best for you. You go give man serious headache for house.
DeleteYes o , anon 17:51!!! 😂😂😂😂'. I bursted out laughing out loud when I read you comment!!! Menor according to ishan people! Are you a prophet? Because now me they give men headache, no man can stress me!!! My slogan is let God's perfect will be done!!! I plan to continue to live a glorious life in Christ Jesus!!! Until my Jacob/ Israel finds me!!! All my married age mates look like 60 years old women, because of man and children stress. The ones that took time to marry right are looking glamorous as well! At 45, I pass for 30, even 28 sef, because man stress they cause rapid old age !!! If you as a woman, you are not careful with man stress , you could end up with mental issues! Most Nigerian divorced women behave like people with mental issues. Man go divorce them and would have moved with another woman, say for over 20 years o, they will still be answering the man's name!!! Is that not madness!!! same with some Nigerian men!!! They will still be calling a woman that has moved on their wife!!! I erase toxic people, the way God erased Saul from his memory! I did not come with to this world with anybody, and I will not leave with anybody . Is only Yeshua that I am responsible to and until I see that kind partner , that's loves God and have empathy for others , I am happily single and not searching !!! Shalom
DeleteAunty, you are just all over the place, may God help you find peace.
DeleteYes o my dear anon 20:35!!! Menor!!! May be you belong to the group of people that are disturbed and whose peace is taken by chasing after others to love you!!! I am afraid to burst your bubble! Let me speak like the British ! They are always, afraid, but they will give you the information they have for you. Please find Love in Christ!!! It gives joy, peace and contentment !!! Shalom
DeleteDamnn stop screaminggg o. Don’t pop a vein please jeezzz. Thank God for your life and I’m really happy you’re living for Christ. But please also see a therapist to work through those emotions/trauma you’ve buried. It definitely still shows you’re still hurt in your comment. Therapy plus prayer works wonders. Praying for Gods complete healing and your own man if you still wish to settle down.
Delete@anon 05:39, Menor,so satan did not allow you sleep because of your trauma. I am healing in Christ Jesus!!! The word of God is my therapy! The material things of this world is not my goal! You can see prophesy fulfilling in our eyes with Ukraine and Russia!!! Read Ezekiel 38-39, and use concordance for proper explanation for the times we are in;my dear , only one nuke will level a whole region. You can be theraping up and down! I get marriage proposals every time! I did not come to this world to cook and have sex and tend to any man's whims! I am here to fulfill purpose and live according to God's perfect will for my life!!! My exclamation marks is to butress my points!!! So please work out your salvation with fear and trembling , because the end is near ,no time for shenanigans living !!! Shalom
DeleteKeep your hands clean, God will give you the right man for you.
ReplyDeleteAt your age sef wetin you wan take another husband do. Abeg enjoy kpekus in peace.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we really need to take steps back, look thoughtfully in the mirror and see our true reflection.
ReplyDeleteIf everyone that has come into your space has been bad, could it be that your space itself is not good enough? I don't believe any two individuals are the same, instead of criticising every Tom, Dick and Harry try to be more open minded and reappraise yourself. If the mentality is wrong, no sane mind would want to inhabit there. Eventually it starts with you, I pray your next relationship shall be kinder to you.
Do you want an honest opinion?
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that as a woman in her late 40s your options are few, for a woman, the dating pool narrows considerably as you get older. It will be quite challenging for you to get a man who truly loves you and would be willing to settle down with you, though by faith, it is not impossible.
Men in their 30s prefer women in their very early 20s, even 18-20 years. Men in their 40s still declare their preference for women between 25-28 years. Men in their 50s still want a woman in her early 30s. No man declares a woman in her 40s or 50s as his SPEC. Men always have a preference for younger women, because they are more attractive (even where they are less beautiful) than an older woman.
To buttress my point, See that CLASS A Traditional Ruler, the one from Ife, after his marriage to the other Edo lady crashed, what did he do? He married a younger girl in her mid 20s ohhhhh. What about the other traditional ruler from OYO state that has several wives? Even the last 10 wives he married are all younger younger women- women he is older than with more than 30 years. The point is that we women are at a disadvantage when it comes to marriage. This is why it seems like most of the men you have met and dated have disappointed you. Men will accept s3x and money from a woman of whatever age that offers them, but they EXPECT that you should know that they are only there short-term for the fun and pleasure. When they perceive that you are looking for a long-term commitment, they flee.
I have a friend who is 68 years and who has no money, he wants to marry a woman who is in her 30s!!!!!! Haba!!!!! He was even considering marrying a woman in her 20s, but I told him no young woman in her 20s will marry him since he has no money. A 70 year old man sef can NEVER marry his mate, neither will a 60 year old man willingly marry a woman who is in her 50s. I don’t know what it is with men and younger women. I have another 34 year old friend who refused to marry a 32 year old he dated for a while because of her AGE!!!!!!
Oh boy
DeleteThe men who look for content and are matured, beyond firm breasts and swinging hips want a good woman
DeleteAt jet li, Gbam!
DeleteAfrican men in particular. Maybe poster should look at dating outside her race.
DeleteRegister in a gym
ReplyDeleteCONTINUATION
ReplyDeleteAgain, you should know that the only men available in your dating pool now are divorced or widowed men who are either within your age bracket or who are older than you. Men who are within your age range by ten years, that is men who are between 50- 65 will most likely settle for a woman who is in her mid to late 30s. Do you know why they are confident they will find women willing to marry then despite the 20- 25 year gap? Because single-never-before-married men who are in their 40s rarely ever marry women in their late 30s. So, in order to get married, women who are in their mid to late 30s often settle for these much older men.
Also, men always feel like they ought to do better when their first marriage crashes or when their partner dies. Do you know their definition of ‘do better’? It is marrying a YOUNGER WOMAN. You remember that immediate past Governor of Edo State, who was also the Nigeria Labour congress President that was always wearing Khaki and doing like he did not know good things abi? After he lost his first wife, what did he do? He married a TROPHY wife- slim, fair, young woman, and that beauty queen married him!!!! You think Oga did not see his agemates or his first wife’s mates?
I am sorry I have been harsh, I needed to use popular examples that you can see and relate with to convey this hard truth. As women, our options are truly limited as we get older. If men even had their way, they will prefer to discard their wives when she gets old sef.
See that rich man that is dragging the Kayamata woman to court, she you see his young actress wife? At the time of their marriage, people were even arguing that the girl was not up to 20 years.
So, you need to make peace with the fact that you may or may not find a man, so this is the time to start finding other ways to get yourself happy or truly fulfilled. If you don’t have children, you could consider adoption. You need to also then find a worthy project to dedicate your life and resources to, something that makes a true impact in peoples’ lives which will give you deep satisfaction. For example, you can help young or single mothers who are poor, get financial independence through giving them capital or paying for skill acquisition for them; You can form a group with your comfortable friends and go to hospitals to pay people’s medical bills; You can identify one or two young people in your church, or community who can’t afford to go to school because of money and sponsor them in schools; you can provide scholarship to children in orphanages or pay for their health insurance package for a year. You can identify children living with correctable deformities and pay for their corrective surgeries. You can scroll through facebook groups that have women, read through the comment section and identify women who are living with difficult problems that money can ameliorate, such as special needs children, etc. You will find so much fulfillment doing this. You can go to prisons and partner with a lawyer to provide legal services to the innocent indigent inmates. Etc.
Try to also make friends, especially with women your age. If you are a Christian, find a branch where you can dedicate yourself to God’s work and just LIVE!!!!! I pray marriage comes for you since you desire it, but work towards living a fulfilling life with or without marriage.
Please everyone ignore the above analogy. Speak for yourself please. Poster, have faith in God. There’s nothing God cannot do. He will give you your heart desire soon. Cheers.
DeleteYou said it all ma'am.. My heart blesses you and God bless you. This is what Life should be about... Helping others who are less privileged. Not just about your own, you own, your marriage, your children.....creating more problems in the world. Like it or not, marriage is not for everybody and there are so many better ways to fulfillment than marriage like the wonderful ones mentioned in the anonymous post. If everyone took out time to solve one of these problems listed up there, Nigeria won't be as bad.. But we are all so selfish always looking for my own, my own.. What if you find your man in a charity organisation as you give to others. Wicked people don't help the poor, they don't pay medical bills for the less privileged, they don't help those in prison etc... That's what good people and that's where you should be. Helping the less privileged.. Saving the world.. You will surely find someone with such desires as well with the love of Christ in their hearts
DeleteIn your mind now you made sense. Like you don't see men that are one or two years older than their spouses or men that are even younger than their wives.
DeleteSee the very long epistle she wrote sef.
@ poster , God will surprise you with a good man within your class. Leave those broke boys to date within their class abeg.
Poster please ignore this trash, There is a man for every woman no matter how old you are. Peter of Psquare is married to a woman older than him, Same as Dare Art Alade whose wife is his senior with about 12years.
DeleteThere are many young Northerners married to older ladies as they don't discriminate against age or divorcees in the Religion, So I don't know the rubbish this anonymous is talking about.
Are you sure you re a woman with the trash you wrote up there and the one before?
you re not a woman but one of the woman haters on the blog,indirectly mocking the poster that she won't find any man cause of her age.
See your wack and ridiculous analogy. You think every man is wired the same? No wonder why some women settle for less because of nonsense talk like this!! I Completely disagree with your long nonsense epistle. So uncalled for!
DeleteTrash trash trash! Anon pls ignore this old skool dry well jare. Google tne story of ladun giwa-osagie and revamp your faith. She married at 48, got preggy at 49 and gave birth at 50 and her man os older! Na this anon dey make ppl feel say their hope don end
DeleteTo be honest with you poster, both island and mainland guys are the same. There are very few correct men left in Nigeria. If you are lucky ,you might jam one of the few ones left. Let me not even talk about the other category of men.
ReplyDeleteMay God help you in your search.
Beliefs and values are the legs of man. But when most women talk about dating down they focus on the material - their degrees, world travel, money (family money) and business(es).
ReplyDeleteWe seek second opinion before buying things we can control or dispose of easily. Yet some of us, maybe including yours sincerely, don't take such steps in selecting people who share our mind spaces.
Sister, what are your beliefs and values? Seek a second opinion from the Bible to clarify your thoughts. If you are not a Christian, read the book of your religion.
Build your beliefs and values on the words you learn during that process. The Bible especially has good words about you and promises for you.
Seek women and men who share the same enobling values and beliefs as you. Befriend them and allowed yourself to be befriended no matter where they are resident.
Agreed, the world has deceptive people. However, men and women are known to have met good partners on recommendation. Men and women have also evaded bad partners by being forewarned by friends.
Don't date down anymore on the basis of values and beliefs. A change will manifest.
Poster your post screams desperationnnn! “I AM DESPERATE” Take a step back, drop your phone, close your eyes, take deep breaths and tell yourself I am enough, I love myself… you won’t find the type of man you’re looking for if you don’t love yourself first. For Gods sake you can’t just date anyhow man just because you want a relationship. Start working on yourself immediately. As in relationship shouldn’t even be your priority right now because if you move to island, any man will definitely see that desperation and will use and dump you. Take few months to yourself and really really focus on you. This is very important. If not, you’ll end up drained, beat up, miserable and join team you hate men, men are scum, etc. ENJOY YOUR OWN COMPANY FIRST!! If it feels uncomfortable, sit in that uncomfortable feeling, don’t stop, keep working at it, join a gym, pray, read words of affirmation, Bible if you’re a Christian, read self help books and with time you’ll see your level of desperation subside. This is something you should have done before jumping into your first marriage. the time is now and it’s got to be a drastic step if you want to attract better people around you. If you don’t do this, then on your own you dey and you’re telling yourself you want people to continue to use you. I wish you Goodluck.
ReplyDelete