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Monday, April 25, 2022

Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

 Hmmm...







STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
UNCONTROLABLE CHILD



I need help and advise about my brother . He used to be very cool until about 3years ago. He lives with my mom while the rest of us are in school . He graduated from the University 4 years ago but he has refused to work or do anything. He sleeps and wake-up doing nothing everyday. No work plans at all .

To the main issue, my mum literally is so scared of him now cause he shouts at her at the slightest provocation. I don't even know what to do. I've tried talking to him and all of that but the way he disrespects my mum coupled with his laziness makes me so worried .

I've told her to ignore him and not cook for him anymore but I don't think she can, He even shouts at her where people are , outside, inside , anywhere at all .

Please has anyone ever been in this situation? How did you handle it ? Or what do you think I can do to make him change ? He is almost 30 . My mum has tried looking for a job for him but he just doesn't want to work . I'm tired cause I'm in school and I can't be at home with my mum . I'm sad . 


Pls help I'm just fed up . 




*This is not good at all......Are there no elders that can caution him? Let me read comments cos i really dont know what to say except that your mum needs to stop indulging him..... Sounds like a spoilt child.

59 comments:

  1. U guys really need to get him occupied fast ! Before he starts beating ur Mum up and including U his sisters !!! ….. I also have a thorn in the flesh of a brother and I know what can happen. Do something before the situation becomes really UGLY!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think he's frustrated about his current situation and his inability to be useful to himself. Maybe he didn't finish with a good grade. Anyways, an elderly person should have a heart to heart talk with him to find out the reason why he is aggressive. Start from there eh

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    2. Was he spoilt? If no; then maybe he keeps bad friends or need someone with higher vibration to read him & figure out what's troubling him.

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  2. I will advise that you relocate your mummy without letting him knows her whereabouts, I am sure he will come to his sense by then. How can you train a child in school and will refuse to work? If he does not like paid employment let him get a skill.

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    Replies
    1. That the best thing to do, as long as he doesn’t see your mum to depend on, he will start looking for something to do.

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    2. So that before they come back he has sold everything at home? πŸ€”

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  3. His problem is spiritual. Do warfare prayers continually for him.

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    Replies
    1. @16:09, prayers can tackle anything and everything. Whe you have reached a point where you don't know what else to do you can pray.

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  4. The Original ShugarGirl25 April 2022 at 15:25

    But is it today that you all started babying him? The seed your mum planted years ago and has been watering has finally grown into a huge tree but I am shocked that she was expecting a different sort of fruit from the one she planted.

    Rehabilitation might work. You don't start training a child at 30. You have between 0-10 years to do that effectively.

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    Replies
    1. He might be lucky to marry a woman that'll shoulder his responsibilities for 10 years and more, while scratching his balls and rejecting offers from IOCs, thereby wasting his Gid given talent.

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    2. How you jump 🦘 to conclusions on people's issues without batting an eye or even attempting to give the person the benefit of the doubt can be so troubling.
      At least try to put yourself in her shoes πŸ‘Ÿ. The way WE rush to judge another person's matter ehh is so unfair. Please life is hard enough for this mum with her troublesome son, don't make it harder by assuming she didn't raise him well. May we not experience calamity and trouble over kids after giving it our best shot.πŸ™πŸ™πŸ™

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    3. Simply put.

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    4. The Original ShugarGirl25 April 2022 at 17:32

      Twin sqd. Amen to your prayers.

      Can you read btw the lines? Poster is not saying all perhaps for how lengthy the story might become for BVs but did you see a history of leaving school 4 years ago and not wanting to do anything other thing other than to sleep and wake up? Did you see that he wanted opportunities that the mom toiled hard just for him to secure a job? Did you see that he only started to become violent just 3years ago and on and on... This issue has a root and that's the truth. I am also from a family and I understand these patterns which is predominantly an African family thingy that comes with being the first born son.

      Sorry poster, I know this is a bad place to be in and there's no perfect family anywhere. Challenges always come to every family/living being even the trees.

      Twin sqd. but in the end the truth they say is bitter.

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    5. @anon 16:11 You say? 🀦‍♀️
      If pigs could fly

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    6. My dear say it again. Mothers and their sons particularly. They spoil and ruin their boys completely and start crying at the end.

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  5. He's depressed. That is transfer of aggression to your mum and probably everyone else around him. Try to talk to him about his life or get someone he respects to do so. You can tell him you have some money to give him to start up something, but please try not to be condescending. Your brother has a big & fragile ego & needs love, even if he acts like he doesn't. He hasn't achieved what he wants in life & is probably disappointed in himself, but his ego won't let him open up. PS I'm not supporting his attitude at all.

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    Replies
    1. Second @ 15.28. You typed my mind.

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    2. Seriously he is depressed he really needs intervention mostly what he loves doing can be used to lured him that he still has hope if he can free his mind and faraway from what he has become instead of what he intended. I knew of a family uncle the mother does all her best to give him best life as at in the 80's in was in the best school, but at the end of it all he didn't make use of the target opportunities provided by the mother being a single mum. He died some years back without anything to point at. May God restore him and made him realise life is too short and should lower his expectations of life. Poster I knew how you feel but life happens which sometimes is beyond our control. Many households are battling this unhealthy situation coupled with Nigeria economy, life no balance at all.

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  6. Did your brother join cult while in school?.Is he bent on travelling abroad or nothing else?. Is he the only son?. Was he over pampered and made to understand he can get everything he ask?. If the above questions are no. Kindly put an eye on your brother. He might be going through issues he does not want to share with anyone for now. Maybe health challenge. Don't ignore this his recent attitude please. Create time and talk with him face to face as a sister with love and sincere respect. Make him understand how much you care about his well being. Make him trust you to open up to you. While at it, pray for him. An idle mind is the devil's workshop.

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    Replies
    1. You’re full of wisdom ZARAM! I appreciate you. Poster read the above comments and answer the questions carefully. There lies the remedy to your family ish.

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  7. Please take your mum with you without letting him know, once he doesn't have food or money then he will start thinking of his life and what to do

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    Replies
    1. Poster, I think it is important that you get someone your brother trusts and respects to talk with him and find out what's really going on with him, his life goals and what he intends to do with his life.

      I believe there are deeper issues that he probably not telling you people. This is a good place to start.

      You could use a counsellor if you can afford one. I also feel that his aggressive behavior could be as a result of frustration.

      Get him to talk to someone and pick it up from there.

      Delete
    2. Poster, I think it is important that you get someone your brother trusts and respects to talk with him and find out what's really going on with him, his life goals and what he intends to do with his life.

      I believe there are deeper issues that he probably not telling you people. This is a good place to start.

      You could use a counsellor if you can afford one. I also feel that his aggressive behavior could be as a result of frustration.

      Get him to talk to someone and pick it up from there.

      Delete
  8. Hmmm...must your mom stay in that house with him?
    I'm afraid he might cause her bodily harm or even send her to the great beyond one day if he continues at this rate.
    I really don't know what to suggest as a solution πŸ₯Ί





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  9. Investigate!!!

    Drugs, Bad friends . Extreme pron indulgence

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  10. People don't just change overnight. What of if he is being manipulated spiritually? You people should come together and map out a special/uniform prayer for him.

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  11. Is it not obvious he has mental health issues. He is depressed. Get him to subtlet see an expert immediately

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  12. I had a brother that almost dealt with us all, a stick in the ass he was. Na combination we use, police oo, elders oo, agberos to help me beat him up when he over do am. At last na prayers oo. Go check, he was in the cult at sch and have probably touched blood.
    Sparkle777

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    Replies
    1. The work of Bad friends,cults,spiritual issue at work,,
      Prayer
      Prayer
      Prayer needed.

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    2. Hmmm. Another angle πŸ€”

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  13. your brother is frustrated and venting it out on your mum cause he feels she's responsible for how he has turned out . He needs to see a therapy before it gets worse than this

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  14. Your mum should stop cooking for him or giving him any money again. If he wants to eat, let him provide food for himself, he's now an adult.

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  15. His taking hard drugs ...that's an effect of hard drugs...

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  16. Your mum should leave the house for him for a while, so he does not beat her up one day. How was his upbringing like? With words of encouragement, prayers, counsel from true pastors, elders and you guys, i believe all will be well.
    If she has money, she can give him to start up something. You guys should keep praying for him. All will be well.

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  17. My mum currently going through this with our last born. In her case, she is addicted to marijuana (na the one we know oh). She smokes anyhow and leaves the house for days. It became so bad that she had to go to rehab. We thought she would get better after but for where? It’s back to the same old things. This is a university graduate oh. If she get work na so so complain. Small time she go resign. Now she no get work so how is she feeding this habit? It’s not like mumsi is rich-the woman just fry manage to keep body and soul together. Everybody don marry comot house. Remain her and mumsi. We have resorted to prayers now but I’m scared for mumsi. Make she no go harm the woman.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The Original ShugarGirl25 April 2022 at 17:37

      Please remove your mum from that space.

      Her baby is the one who needs to champion the change she needs else she will see it as the usual last born pampering coming from concerned family members. Sometimes ghosting and tough love changes people especially when it is done sooner than enabling them.

      So sorry for your troubles.

      Delete
    2. This thing is very common with some last born. Over pampering all through the years by mothers contribute to this their wayward attitude even after they graduate from university.

      Delete
  18. He's probably going through mental health issues. Get him diagnosed.

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  19. Don’t bother calling elders. Why don’t you invite him to your house (unless you think he’ll endanger your family)
    Take him from his current environment and also talk to him sibling to sibling. Boys tend to like their older sisters so use that angle to approach him

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  20. He shouldn't think that because he is 30 he is too big to collect. He will collect. Find soldiers and pay them some money so they can reset his brain a little. They should threaten to deal with him if your mum reports him to them. How can he be shouting on your mum? It's unacceptable

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  21. Let your mum urinate around 3-4 to 5 am in the morning and use it to boil one egg for him to eat,let her do it for 3 days consecutively. Your brother will be fine unless it's drug related.

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  22. He needs psychiatric evaluation. He may be depressed or it may be a serious mental illness. If he is found mentally competent with no issues then the opportunity should be provided for him to leave the family home. This could be by suggestions to take out of country work if nothing is happening in Nigeria, or to do further studies elsewhere. He should leave the family home. This can be done lovingly, it can be presented positively. Your mother should not be afraid in her own home, your brother is old enough to go out and seek his fortune. World Cup is happening in Qatar soon, I am sure they are still hiring ppl. Some European countries still offer free Master's degree program for international students. There are opportunities available to him, let him go seek make something out of himself while he is still young and able to. Perhaps an uncle he respects can speak to him along these lines and encourage him to make some positive steps towards his future.

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  23. He's depressed. Your mother has to be there for him with soothing words. It's easy to blame graduates and say they don't want to work because they refuse to slave away for peanuts. So your family members should hold a family meeting, rally round him and ask him to open up on his struggles while providing practical measures to help him solve his problems. Some kids may never voice it out but they resent their parents for certain reasons including bad characters on the part of the parents. I'm not saying your mother is a bad person though, but don't expect your children to become decent loveable individuals full of love and respect when you're not.

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  24. My husband also shouts at me all the time he can never talk to you calmly, I'm tired of the marriage self and he was not like this all through the years I dated him.

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    Replies
    1. Kindly talk to him about it. So many people are angry due to Nigeria economy. Pray also.

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  25. You guys enabled him especially your mum.. she should continue to say she is scared so he waste his life.

    I guess he is waiting for her to die so he can inherit her properties.
    You guys should send him out to go fend for himself and noone should enable him by giving him money

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  26. Poster it's drugs, he is taking drugs.
    That's how it starts, the shouting, disrespect, not wanting to do anything then it proceeds to physical harm on others.
    We had an issue like that with my brother 5 years ago. He became agressive, he disrespected everyone except my dad, didn't want to do anything, his room was a mess(smelly and dirty), even taking his bath was a problem until i found packs of tramol in his room. He was taken to rehab, he stayed there for 6 months..i won't say things are 100% back to normal but he is better now. We shipped him to my Dad since he is the only person he fears he'll always want to do right by him.
    He is in 400 level now, always occupied with chores when he is home, about to start learning a skill. Things are better now

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    Replies
    1. Thank God for the recovery!

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    2. The Original ShugarGirl26 April 2022 at 14:39

      Hallelujah to God. Things can only get better.

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  27. Na wah , so sorry poster but it seems your brother is Cleary depressed and might be going through challenges , let God almighty intervene in his life but that enbiromnetbis not ideal for your mother, try and take her out of that place

    ReplyDelete

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