Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
EXTREME INTROVERT
Dear BVs, I need help.
I am an extreme introvert. I love my privacy so much and I barely go out.
Immediately I close from work everyday, I go back home and stay inside till the next day.
I've been single for five years (I broke up in 2017) and since then, I haven't been in a relationship .
Last year August, a guy messaged me on Instagram and we started talking. He asked me out. Note that we already met and he's a very cool guy. I didn't give him a positive response until January.
This is because I find it very difficult to fall in love .....
Now to the main gist, we've been dating since January and he has even visited our home (my parents). But the issue is that I find it hard to totally love him.
Sometimes when he calls, I get unnecessarily angry and yell at him.
He's been so patient but this won't stop. I love my alone time so much but he won't give me that space. From frequent callings to messages and all. He's almost flawless but I am the issue now. I don't know what to do and I am not even sure I am someone who would want to spend forever with a particular person (I think I will be choked).
How do I control this attitude??
Hmmmm na wah oh... you love your me time so much that you cant allow anyone in? Please find a cure or solution if you ever intend to marry cos this behavior can break up a marriage..
Are you sure you're ready to date? If no, free the guy. I love me time, but that doesn't stop me from going to enjoy myself.
ReplyDelete@ poster is like me. My wife literally forced herself down my throat and married me. I have since change for marriage sake but I still eye my ‘me time’ walahi.
DeleteMy wife is on the other hand the very opposite of me. Only her understands me. People don complain tire but for where. We’re good though. You won’t regret giving love a chance.
Dont chase them all away o
DeleteI am an introvert too, maybe worse than you, but even when I love some me time, I have had meaningful relationship and still having, and I can't wait to give all of me to a person so deserving. I think you have issues within you need to deal with. I don't think you like that fellow, so let him go. Work on yourself and find out if you want to let someone share your space. Until then you can't be with any man.
DeletePlease kindly break up with him
DeleteLove is not supposed to be this difficult and I think you aren’t just into him, wait for your own person.
Don’t just hold on because he is a good guy, he deserves happiness too.
If you still want to give it some time, discuss things you both like to do and try to do them together, make him a part of your space.
Push up (original)
Try not to mess up this relationship as I see no reason for you to do so. It is alright to be an introvert, but anything in excess is a no no. Please see a counselor that can help you with your relationship with others. Also try to be less selfish by being more accommodating.
DeleteStella have said it all
ReplyDeleteSee, you don't need a solution for not having a need. Don't find any cure because you are not sick. Marriage is not for everyone. Marriage is for companionship. Marriage is for those who are capable of sharing. Please leave this cool guy alone. He obviously crave what you don't have and it's not fair keeping him when you don't need him. It's isn't even fair on your own self because you are just giving in to pressure that you must be with someone when you don't have any such need.
DeleteAt some point, you might find someone who likes your kind of person.
Please free the guy cos if you carry this attitude enter marriage , na serious fire .or may be you should go for deliverance.
ReplyDeleteI pray he gives you 500yards. I'm introverted too, but being one doesn't mean you should be rude to someone who cares about you, or stop you from knacks once a while. 🥂
ReplyDeleteOh...BB gets some once a while to keep body and soul together 😄.
DeleteStay single so you can have your space all by yourself. That way, you don’t get to hurt good people and make life miserable for them.
ReplyDeleteThank you! Like someone said up there, marriage and dating are not for everyone. Na the guy wey no wan borrow brain since January I no understand. He can clearly see all the signs from Poster but doesn't want to have sense. Poster is not pretending to be who she is not but that dude is definitely a masochist. Premium breakfast tears loading for him. He should sha send chronicle next year. We will read from *a place of love*.
DeleteYou’re scared
ReplyDeleteMarry him. You’ll be fine
Please don't listen to this you will not fine you will be more frustrated and any little thing will get you upset.If you have a business or a job you will bury yourself with your work because that's your only escaped route and your husband will likely cheat on you.When your husband friends or in laws comes around you will be rude with them because you don't like people invading your space.what if you have kids they will be miserable and moody around mummy.
DeleteRather work on yourself I know it's hard but you can do it start by joining group chat on what's app and Facebook
You people should donate plenty bucket and handkerchief to the guy on their wedding day o. He go need am.
DeleteHangout once in a month for a start.Attend bible study and interact with your members Chat with your boyfriend everyday I mean everyday if you don't have anything to say ask me how was your day,tell me how your day went.Or how was work today call him twice a week for star. Marriage is life time commitment it shouldn't be endure but enjoy your partner should be your best friend and buddy for life.Someone you love unconditionally and will be willing to be no matter what happens.
DeleteAsk him*
DeleteBetter you stay alone. After all one oyibo woman married herself. Better follow that part. Tell the man what you told us
ReplyDeleteYou no case🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteLolzzz at tell the man what you told us
The opportunity to meet an amazing man rarely occurs so count this as one and work on yourself. Confined in him and see how both of you can grow through this.
ReplyDeleteTreat him well like he truly deserves. Someday you will become sick of being alone.
Be mentally prepared for marriage b4 you frustrate this amazing man please.
Your 2nd paragraph summarised it all..
Delete@ poster look at the answer to your chronicle
Read @ Original Shugagirl 2nd paragraph and digest it😎😎😎
I see you have personal issues to deal with, dont extend your frustrations and anger to that poor simp.
ReplyDeleteMarriage is not for everyone, dont let society entrap you with their ideology
Y did you call him a simp?
DeleteSecond time I'd agree to a man being called SIMPson. Later now, he'd start screaming domestic violence when Poster asks him to go and stay in the naughty-corner for disturbing her "Alone time". Since he has refused to use his tongue to count his teeth, he gon' learn!
DeleteI see him as one.
DeleteThat's the irrefutable term for an adult male that sees all the signs of his advances not being welcomed, yet hes still declaring his undying love for a woman.
Even masochists know when the pain has exceeded the pleasure, and they use the safe word.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 naughty corner comment got me rolling on the bed with laughter,, Amebonawork and FP na case!
DeleteThis is one time I agree with someone being called a simp. That man has no love for himself; zero self esteem. No one should allow another human treat them like shit. When women go thru this, we call them fools for staying with such. We see the plenty insults here. He is the male version. There are too many good women looking for love and there's no reason to stick to someone who doesn't want you. It simply says a lot about his sense of self worth. Many times though, men like this treat women who love them like crap so whatever!
DeleteHmmmm, I know someone who left her husband and relocated to London cuz Oga likes staying on his own.
ReplyDeleteSame situation I found myself.
DeleteWe stay in 2 different locations in the same city.
Married for 19years.
No sex in 5years
If you find the right partner, you wouldnt crave staying alone. Leave all that lie.
DeleteAnon16:05
DeletePray you don't marry a man like this.
Nobody enters marriage praying for the wrong partner.
If it happens, we moveeee
People just believe in this number. ‘Married for 50yrs’ married for 40yrs’,
DeleteNo sex for 5years. Diff location same city. And still husband & wife? Hmmm. Married for 19yrs. Well done ma.
You say?
DeletePlease what are you people doing? This life is sweet o, marriage is not the reason you were created.
Okay o
Push up (original)
Give yourself to the "manufacturer;" Jesus, the creator for re-creation.
ReplyDeleteThat is the surest.
Read his word for that is where life is.
Word.
DeleteThis is for me.
I struggle too much on my own.
I am not poster.
Father have mercy on me and help me.
Abeg shift.
DeleteWe are all created different
Question: Jesus created us perfectly from the beginning, so why would He need to re-create?
DeleteJesus also admonishes us to come out from the world, so the poster is doing well by wanting to be by herself. so using that logic, why does she to give herself to the manufacturer for a "reset"?
Na ask I dey oo
Even Jesus had his "Alone time" away from his family, disciples and the crowd, so it's not a bad thing in itself. The difference is that Jesus did not date or try to get married. He understands how frustrating it would be for a partner.
Delete@Mystique
DeleteThe re-creation is because of the corruption that happened at Eden when Satan came in.
@Amebo: Jesus did interact; preaching everyday. See John 7: last verses to John 8 verse 1-2
He did not complain about his "separating himself to pray" which is the wise thing to do
Open your heart to love for your sake, cos this is giving you worry, if you cannot talk at length tell him politely that you would get back to him
ReplyDeleteDon't go and frustrate someone's son abeg try and work on yourself
These days people don dey rebrand the names of their bad characters to sweet sweet English names.
ReplyDeletePerson wey be glutton go dey call herself/himself foodie, bad characters now nah because of zodiac sign.
See this poster now covering up her bad character with the word Introvert. One of the most abused words for Nigeria dictionary now... Almost everyone forming I am an introvert yen yen yen
You forgot talkatives... "I like to gist" 'goatee'
DeleteGistee
DeleteEven people wey no get money to spend outside go de form introvert
DeleteIf he were a rich man, would you still act the same way? I'm also an introvert that doesn't really like my fiance but that's because he's poor and I don't trust poor men. It's rare to see a loyal rich man. Then again, you may be innately worried about investing all your time and emotions into a relationship that may not work. Just relax and have a deep introspection. What do you want? Marriage proposal? Then tell him outright otherwise let him go. If you don't like having conversations with him, then kindly let him go too.
ReplyDeleteOh mama. You will be fine. You need to stop being so hard on yourself first. There's nothing wrong in loving your own space. Being introverted is not as bad you think. I used to be like that but then, marriage forces you to become a team player and you learn to come out of your shell to get things going for you and your partner. He can't give you your own space because there is nothing like 'My own space' in a healthy relationship not to talk of a good marriage. I used to love meeting things in the exact place and condition I left them. Then I got married and I had to adjust and develop a keen eye because I started looking for things where I didn't keep them. Nothing is permanent and we learn everyday. The process of coming out of your shell is a different type of growth and in itself has its own beauty. You can do it mama. You've got a good man. A very patient one too. Let him know you prefer your space but you are going to warm up to him in time. Flush down the toilet that feeling or thought or fear of being unable to spend forever with anyone otherwise, you'll be jumping in and out of marriages. Trust me, you may like your space but you don't want to be alone and that's why you sent in this chronicle.
ReplyDeleteYou should start spending sometime outdoors doing things you normally would do indoors like watching movies in the cinemas and having dinner outside instead of inside. I started hanging out with my colleagues after school instead of going home to be alone then. I would exhaust myself so bad that when I got home, I would be too tired to do nothing but sleep. I also changed my friends and started hanging out with the talkatives. They always had one gist that can last 5 hours. I also started doing group things with my friends.
You can do it mama.
What you feel for him is not love but pity with care. I am exactly like you except my life was work, church and my room. I lost my Dad and completely gave up on life. I stayed in my room for a year throughout no work, no fun just SDK, eat and sleep but I wasn't bored just sad and angry over Dad's passing. My family were worried. I went to a new parish around my place and this lady beside me took my number we didn't communicate. Her nephew called me later that day and we got talking, its 7weeks we are talking and his coming into the country, just to meet me. Do I feel someone is invading my privacy, sometimes but I find it adventurous. You don't have to be a social butterfly or outing being to meet guys. Just be you and try to better yourself at your pace. Things will fall in place. Absolutely nothing is wrong with you. Just be happy with yourself, don't start thinking anything is wrong with you. The man that will love you for you will meet you. Funny enough all those things people criticized me for and wanted me to change; are things he adores about me. Top of the list, is of me been too private, no social life and strict, blablabla men won't see you or run away from you. As long as you are happy and your Peace of mind is intact. Be you.
ReplyDeleteTrust God only for your life and he will work his great plan for you out. You can't be like everyone except yourself. If you feel this way about this guy, his not the one. Tell him to be friends and see if things will get better but don't change who you are for a man or material thing. God bless you Dear, it can only get better
I thought I was the one that wrote this. I'm also introvert, love myself only. Turn down many suitors, with excuse that I don't want to marry before my elder sister. Immediately my sister married,it now dawn to me how older am getting. Miraculously, one guy came for marriage,l agree, after the marriage,l started regretting why I married, how I love being alone and how l was enjoying when I was single. All these didn't make me to concentrate well. I always saying that I love myself only and prefer my single life.
ReplyDeleteOne day, God made my wish came through, the marriage scattered 🙏😭😭. I was happy going back to my parents house to start enjoying my singleness again. But ahhhh!!!!!, Things were not as it was before. It now dawn to me that I really love people's company more than myself. But it is too late.
Dear poster, please try and flow with this guy, if it leads to marriage then thank God. And pray harder so that this evil spirit of introvert didn't destroy you or your future.
You’re a selfish person!
DeleteWhat is 'evil spirit of introvert'? Do you know what an introvert is at all? Your problem is not being an introvert. There are so many of them happily married or happily looking forward to marry. Your issues are deeper. People who are quiet are not hounded by evil spirits aunty, dont embarrass yourself.
DeleteYou better look for solutions to ur real problems than be tackling a non existing spirit that doesn't care for you. That's how u people drown in ignorance.
I am sorry, you sound RUDE.
ReplyDeleteThat's likely to be her default reaction when the person on the other end of the line can't seem to understand what "GET LOST!" means. She says she is tired, not in the mood for gists, retiring to bed early, busy right now etc. and huncle is still trying to gist her about Tinubu's presidential ambition? Na to shout for him coconut head be the remaining option na. Lol.
DeleteMy sister, please leave the gentleman alone. If you love your me-time so much and can't let anyone share your space with you, please leave marriage alone so you both won't be miserable.
ReplyDeleteLobatan! Very simple.
DeleteHonestly, marriage isn’t for everyone. The earlier people realize this, the better.. you will only end up making the guy’s life miserable if you force it.. Remain single until you are ready for the journey madam
DeleteVery simple. Human beings just love to complicate things. She probably just wants to marry for the sake of societal expectations but this is really a disaster cos she doesn't like him. The mumu guy too doesn't love himself at all.
DeletePoster do you masturbate? If you do then that's the problem. I used to do that way back then. I couldn't stand anyone in my space. Don't call me and don't visit me. Make up your mind to stop this habit and with time you will crave company. All the best
ReplyDelete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeletePoster pls don’t listen to this
This is me sometimes. Hmmmm
ReplyDeleteI'm an introvert too, but i relate with people alot. You can't keep driving people away. Open your heart to love, especially if you have met someone that understands your kind of person
ReplyDeletePoster please just work on yourself, you're not mentally ready to settle down.
ReplyDeleteif you are an introvert then just be you. let nobody pressure you to be in a relationship. if you feel the relationship is choking then let him know and stay single. when you meet the right person you will know. honestly you will always meet people who love you the way you are...
ReplyDeleteThe truth is that you don't love, just let him go and wait till you meet someone you love so much you won't even dare say you love me time because you will always want the person around you.
ReplyDeleteIt’s truly possible she doesn’t love him
DeleteOne guy wanted to stay on my phone daily last year. If I was truly into him, I would have enjoyed that cause I do love the daily calls but I didn’t look forward to them with him at all
I'm introvert too, I find it hard to make and keep friend. I can be chatting with you now, the next mins I want to be alone. Always indoors. This is really affecting me. I really want to socialize but I don't know how to. Lord hear me. People still wonder why I am still single by this Time. I find it difficult to change.
ReplyDeleteWoman, know thyself! I am glad you understand yourself and are true to your nature just like today's poster. There is nothing wrong with you. This is who you are. Everyone can't be the same. You need someone who enjoys his "alone time" too e.g. many geeks are like that (though the effervescent ladies interest some of them).
DeleteWhen people like you date people like you, one of two things usually happens. You could enjoy it because you are the same and understand yourselves (with humans, opposites do not always attract; sometimes a magnet magnets a magnet and it's fine). That's on the one hand. On the other hand, it could give you the chance to see first-hand how your nature affects others especially those you love and who genuinely love you. You may then decide to "adjust" or not; after all, they met you that way and still decided to be with you and not an extrovert.
Amebo na work, some of these folks need medication to increase their feel good hormones in their brain (aka serotonin/dopamine levels). Also get out and get sunlight. A lot of folks in doors always are low in vitamin D which can cause depression and anxiety.
DeleteAt least now you know you have a concern, I wont call it a problem. You need to take a bold step, you have been in your comfort zone for too long, you need to come out and try new things. be intentional about changing your attitude, having people around is a very fun thing, please try it, you wont regret it. join any department in church. go out even if its the movies. just try something new. make conscious effort to allow people around you but be careful too. bad people may sense your need and take advantage of it. but be the change you want to achieve.
ReplyDeleteMy Dear you don't love the guy. Let him go. Pls try to date other people. When you see the one, you'll no. You'll start looking forward to dates.
ReplyDeleteI think you don't love the guy. It's OK. Let him go. Don't force yourself.
ReplyDeleteHe's not your first relationship and I'm sure you didn't want your space when you were in your previous relationship.
Let him go so he can find someone. When you are ready and someone you like comes along, you can move on.
This life no balance, I am literally begging the man I talking to to reach out to me at the moment. The last message I sent on Saturday morning hasn’t been responded to. Long distance though. He says he is very busy, we haven’t spoken beyond 10 minutes in 3 days, he is doctor though. I tell him I understand but just send random texts and call in between your free times. He said he is always down even mentally, physically. I no dey see words of reassurance to hold body. I finally decide to love wholeheartedly after 24 years of existing and it’s like this. I don’t even have my missed calls acknowledged. He will come online and post without replying my messages and say I still don’t get it. For last time, is any man too busy for people they love?
ReplyDeleteNope. Doctors get really busy though. I once had a friend who was working 60-80 hr per week doing his residency but I saw him make time for his girlfriend. Theyre married now. It's called sacrifice. Men will pursue whatever they value. Unless he is mentally exhausted and not in the mood for a relationship. Very understandable cos mental exhaustion is real. Cos some men pursue career first before looking for wife, while some do both. But anyhow once they meet who they wanna marry they will move mountains to create time. Even Presidents will.
DeleteStop talking to him
DeleteIf you don’t stop, he’ll eventually stop anyway
Nobody is that busy for the one they love
DeleteStart preparing yourself to leave this man. Life need not be complicated. When a man loves, he would want to communicate just like you want to with this dude. There's no long story but simply "he's not that into you". He's likely waiting on u to break the relationship sef. Most of them are like that. If u want love, give room for love & remove distractions like these. I speak from experience
DeleteI think you’re scared of love, You just don’t want another heartbreak 😥
ReplyDeleteYou probably need to be placed on antidepressants. Get evaluated. You’re showing symptoms. You can’t be in a relationship right now with this type of mood be marriage and children requires energy and being in one’s space all the time. No frustrate somebody’s son abeg. Let him go and work on yourself.
ReplyDeleteAmebo na work, some of these folks need medication to increase their feel good hormones in their brain (aka serotonin/dopamine levels). Also get out and get sunlight. A lot of folks in doors always are low in vitamin D which can cause depression and anxiety.
ReplyDelete