Hmmm.....
NARRATIVE ONE
MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS AFTER ONE MONTH
Dear blog visitor, I wasn't told that marriage is this hard , I got married recently, marriage is just 1 month old, hubby and I are having serious issues coupled with distance. I wish I never married this man, I could have waited a bit, it's well.
I'm open to divorcing him and take my time to marry my choice from a good home that will love me as I ever wanted!! I'm trying to restart my life, please put me in your prayers
After one month? WOW, I wonder what went wrong.. Is his family the problem? Didnt you guys date? since you already made up your mind, I pray that God orders your steps so that you do not make the same mistake twice.
****************************************
NARRATIVE TWO
NO SUITOR
Please I am 35 years old and I started feeling all emotional these days because I don't have any suitor at hand, I am beautiful and still praying.
Pastors keep saying to wait on God, how do I get A companion at least? only 2 married men showed interest in the last 10years and i am not interested, I am so down ,please what do i do?
WOW. No suitor at all and only two in ten years? May God give you your hearts desires in Jesus name.....Concentrate on other things and a man will come when you least expect it, if you are worried about the ticking clock, then please save your eggs in an egg bank .
Being with a man is good but it should not be what determines your happiness... Please change your mindset and find ways to distract yourself from these thoughts...
Poster 1, your chronicle is not complete. You have not said what happened to make you feel like this. You just got married I hope you know the 1st 5yrs is the adjustment period. It is harder when you don't live in the same town. And how well did you know your spouse before you got married? Pls rewrite your chronicle. Maybe that will give us a good idea on how to advice you.
ReplyDeleteShe is in a haze and wrote out of the frustration she feels at the moment. She will have clarity when the husband hugs her again and plants a kiss on her forehead. Long distance marriage is not for the lily-livered.
DeletePoster 1, after i got married to my husband, i used to go and ask God why he set me up. Like why? Why did you give me this annoying creature to live with? Me that is a good person.lol.
Deleteafter disagreement, i will revert and start thanking God for blessing me with him. so you are not alone. I mean, you just got married. Those feelings would be there. You guys are still adjusting to each other.
Your chronicles is also not complete.
What happened?
Are you not going to give chance for reconciliation?
This is marriage, not relationship.
You need to make sure you give it your all so that when you go your separate ways, you know you gave it your all.
There is no award for rushing inn and rushing out.
Ask the Lord for wisdom. For insight. For understanding. He would grant it to you.
I wish you the best. cheers.
Mma Nwachukwu.
Poster 2. Go and read the book of ruth over and over and over again. Sit with the spirit of God and ask him to show you what is wrong. Pray the prayer of enquiry and wait before God.
DeleteAlso let God know that your marriage is not an idol, that he, God is your all in all.
Ask Ask Ask Ask questions.
God wants to lead us. The Holy Spirit wants to open our eyes. We are not just paying attention.
Whether it is village people or spirit husband and your seclusion, He would tell you.
Wake up in the night and worship your father as if your life depends on it, just love on him, sing songs unto him, tell him hes your first husband and that you are madly in love with him. Ask the Spirit of God to come and be your best friend.
Then read the book of ruth, that was the chapter that gave me my breakthrough and ask God questions.
If you do this consistently for one month, by next month, you will meet your Boaz.
ps: Elevating God to be the centre of your life would ALSO strip you of that desperation. You are more secure and truly joyful. So when your Boaz comes, he knows that he's just part of Gods plan for you, not your God and the one who redeemed you from desperate state of singleness.
Mma Nwachukwu
1. Madam calm down and understand your man. You need God's wisdom in your home. Don't lose hope, make him happy and pray for understanding. Marriage is a school with no graduation...
DeletePoster 1 I don't know what to make of your chronicle because you didn't state the issues you guys are having. But if it's bad enough for you to be thinking of divorce,then the earlier the better.
DeleteNARRATIVE ONE--give us more details oooooo, you know we the sdk's love gist before giving you solution..
DeleteNARRATIVE TWO--Please be going out, please seek spritual help, please seek for forgiveness for people you have really hurt, ........and try to be patient ...please which state do you stay, let me suggest places for you to be going for outing, good places for mature men and women
Not any of the posters but thanks for both replies. 👍🏾
DeletePoster1 If you ain't seeing what you bargained for in your marriage then take a walk,No time for endurance,The earlier,the better.
ReplyDeletePoster2 Why don't you try mingling and socializing with people,There is no way you won't meet men that genuinely loves you,You'd probably be the one to make your choice amongst them,Goodluck.
What kind of flimsy advice is this? Take a walk after just one month of marriage? One month alone. It's not like the man is hitting her. So I have issues with hubby.. the next thing is divorce. What happened to looking for other ways of resolution.. what happened to seeking counsel? Why are you people like this? Nawa o. God forbid.
DeleteAnonymous, you should use your trouser belt to tie her down to the marriage then. People divorce everyday all around the world. It is not the end of the world.African women can no longer take the shits our mothers took from men anymore.
DeleteAnon15:15Listen,the last thing you should consider before leaving an unhealthy relationship/marriage is duration.And pls stop coming for my comments all the time haba!
Delete@Anon 15:56 that people divorce everyday doesn't make it right and the truth is a lot of married women and men today are just ready to jump ship at any sight of an issue. Nobody is saying you should die there but at least put in your very best first na.. do you people even listen to the vows you make at the altar? Toh
DeletePoster 1, you didn't elaborate on issues on ground. Having said this, I am sure you didn't seek God because if you sought him- then there is nothing like" long distance". Secondly, don't give your all and lose yourself in the process. If your partner isn't willing to work it out with you then bounce!. Men in Nigeria don't have monopoly of being happy in Nigerian marriage. I did long distance in relationship and we are married. We did a whole year after marriage in long distance and now we are together.nothing will ever beat marrying the right person! People that think they know it all were shouting that I shouldn't try that shit but we couldn't help it. My marriage is bliss mehn.. Thank Jehovah overdo.
Delete@16:41 yes because marriage is a joke
Delete35 and Fabulous! I want to believe you have a steady source of good income so I will advice as such.
ReplyDeleteHappiness. Yes. You need to harness and focus on only things that makes you feel very good. For a second, switch from worries and go have fun. Cloths, parties, food that makes you excited and love life. You will begin to attract similar energy and people who suit your kind of person. Its all about the law of attraction. Read up about how to attract the right kind of people and situations to yourself. "The Secret" by Rohnda Bryne is good among others.
You dont know how much I always look forward to your comments,I also got the secrets cuz of you,Yes u have all the monies I always prayed for now,I stopped going out because during prayers they keep saying a veil is covering my head cuz I have been wondering why no suitors and that I should wait for God's time,my youngers sisters are all married with kids
DeleteOk, exactly the same way you applied it to get those opportunities that brought you the monies are the same secrets that will bring you the exact kind of suitor you want. Page 113 is the secret to relationships. Try pay it a little more attention. The story about that painter that is always attracted to women who don't want him, use him and dump him should give you a clue. Focus on the kind of relationship/marriage you want and stay far from agreeing with slogans like "men are scum" " no marriage is perfect" etc.
DeleteMeanwhile, stay away from those prayer seers. I ve been there. Veil covering Fire 🔥! ALL of them, in exception of NON are scammers that want to milk your situation. Pray by yourself. God doesn't need fire fire prayers before he hears you. Just ask Him once and be rest assured He heard you then go on and be thankful. Loose the anxiety and replace it with the confidence that you just spoke to He who made the world and the fullness thereof. Don't forget to hold on to your positive feelings/energy. Stop going to places that brings you anxiety.
I am glad I inspired you and you got results at least with your finances.☺️
Dear anon, if you are a Christian, please search for "the secret author name christian view" just so you don't end up dabbling into deep dark things. New Ageism is alien to Christ. All the best.
Delete1.24 There were many presenters/facilitators and mostly scientists, mathematicians, there were two Reverends, quantum physics and historians. The Rohnda Byrne herself is a benefactor of the knowledge that decided to research and put her findings together in written form. Most references were made to the words of Jesus and some the words of Buddah (their words are very similar I must say). In all, she tries not to make it too religious so it can be harnessed by people across different faith. Tim LaHaye was a Pastor and his book is quite similar. There's a movie on it too. You too make your findings.
DeletePoster 2, I'm still wondering that in 10yrs you have had only 2 married tosters. It is good that you are praying. Jeremiah 33:3 says call unto me and I will show great and mighty things that you do not know . So Maybe you will like to pray and ask the Lord what it is you need to know. So you will know how to pray. By the way, I hope you know marriage doesn't complete you. You are a complete person. So don't feel bad. Just live and enjoy where you are on the way to where you are going. If marriage comes praise God. If not praise God. But you can be fulfilled with or without marriage. Don't let anyone pressure you into marriage.
ReplyDeletefor a long time no Toasters at all,while in university I had toasters but dont know what went wrong,my mum and I went everywhere they said evil veil hiding my beauty,I will keep praying thank you
DeleteDear poster welcome to marriage!!! First lesson you learn in marriage is that you married a completely imperfect man.. but don't forget that you are not a perfect woman yourself 😉
ReplyDeleteSecond lesson you learn in marriage is that you are just beginning to truly know each other.. as in you don't know yourselves o. It is marriage that makes that happen and sometimes the blending of husband and wife is not so smooth
Third and most important thing I want you to never ever forget is that just because you guys are fighting does not mean you made a mistake or he is not for you. Every couple has their issues, what's most important is IF and HOW you resolve them.
So you see that idea of divorce.. dead it immediately and work on your marriage with your husband. No man out there is perfect. If you ask all the wives here they will tell you one thing about their husbands that they completely don't like but you don't throw away the baby with that bath water. So this new guy you're dreaming of that will love you the way you want doesn't exist.. a man is still a man..
Now This is your own man, this is your home . This is your life.. fight for it baby girl. Marriage is serious hardwork.. you have to toughen up and tighten your belt.
First I will advice you to look for an elderly and matured couple whose marriage you both admire and respect and draw close to them. You will learn a whole lot and they will help you in this journey.
Second I want you to learn to be as patient with your husband as you possibly can. Be patient in your decision making.. be patient in what you consider as worthy of fighting him.. be patient in your expectations. You need plenty truck loads of patience my dear girl
I have a lot to say but my hands ache. I hope the little I have said was helpful.
Thank you anonymous 15:27. I wished someone gave me this advise, wouldn't have left my home. Poster 1, take this advise, nobody is perfect. I left my husband thinking he is not good enough, but the ones I seeing now is even nothing to write home about. It takes hardwork and prayers to build a great family.
Deleteposter 1, this is for you.
DeleteAsk God to show you guys a mature couple to submit to.
That was what saved my marriage initially when i and my husband wanted to use pride to destroy what God gave us
Mma Nwachukwu
God bless you. Poster 1 listen to this.
DeleteEvery marriage has a stage where there will be conflict, resolution is key, Not running away. The first few tears are usually very dicey, you didn't give us details so be can advise appropriately 🤷🏽🤷🏽
Go for counselling.
Visit each other and spend time together.
Communication is key.
Don't hide or pretend, be you. You will be fine.
Hugs and Kisses
Thanks for this
DeleteThis is so apt. Poster 1 dead that idea first, exhaust your options of repair before abandoning ship, its just a month fgs and you stay apart too.
DeletePoster one, nothing Dey street, if your husband is not maltreating you, you better stay and make your marriage work.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, you will be fine and your God ordained husband will come. Be patient darling.
Poster 1, please have patience with your husband, don't ever think of divorcing him unless it's a case of domestic violence. When I married my ex husband,we quarrel every week, even relatives settled our case all the times. And the cause of all guarrel is even something one can ignore. What was always on my mind was to leave this man with his wahala and go. One day it happened, supported by my people I packed my load and left my marriage. But everything is now dawn to me, my lack of patience, . I regretted leaving the husband l prayed for. I didn't not even seek God's opinion,. Please fight for your marriage,devil is on the loose to shame you, pray for yourself and for your husband. If I knew what I know now, I would have stayed and win the battle. Please stop thinking of divorce cos you will never have peaceful home if you keep on thinking like that. Now am 36yrs squatting with elder sister,. just got small job am managing. Please don't be like me, I am begging you.
ReplyDeleteThank you for ur honesty..
DeleteNo marriage is a bed of Rose,u didn't state reasons or what problems u are having with him so we can know how to advise you.. please go to God first.
Hey can't you reconcile with your ex husband if he is also willing?
Delete15.49. All you ever lost will be returned to you 100 folds. For the singular fact that you are not one of those looking for the gullible to recruit, our Heavenly father that calls a man from distant lands to fulfil His will with crown you with the honor of marriage. You even acknowledged your faults and regret them. You are an unusual woman.
DeleteAnon 15:49, so sorry.
DeleteI pray for divine restoration for you.
You can actually reach out to your ex-husband, if he is not married o. Start by casually checking on him, as it gets better, tell him that you wished you were more patient then. Meaningful conversation can start from there etc…
And if he is married, i pray that the Lord shall lead your own husband to you.
Sista Jane.
Fix your mindset so you can go far
DeleteI think you’re the kind who is never truly satisfied or happy no matter what
That you need to fix from within
Poster1
ReplyDeleteA month is too early to be talking about divorce please. Most marriages started like this. Quarrels, disagreement and all.
Its a phase. And you guys will overcome it and get to understand each other better. Except if there are things you are not saying.
Poster 2, You will be fine. You can go out more. Keep hope alive. May the Lord grant all your desires.
Sista Jane
If Number 2 does not wait on God like she is being advised, she will probably be facing
ReplyDeletenumber one's plight. I can't imagine that people call Jesus "Lord, Lord and personal savior"
but in highly personal matter like marriage, they exclude him totally.
Waiting on the Lord involves fasting and praying. If you do not discipline the flesh, you will make
choices based on the human emotions; walking by sight which is so untrustworthy.
I wish both of you the best of God's grace.🤔🌹🌹
👌👌
DeleteThey will be telling you read 'The Secret' , rather than seeking the One who knows all secrets.
Make up your mind before you have a baby with him.
ReplyDeleteThis right here
DeleteAll this it’s too early to run might make you try but poster don’t be deceived sometimes your heart knows you have entered one chance
Take your time to think pray and be the best wife but don’t stay there once you know without a doubt that this marriage will not work
Pray the serenity prayer
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference
Poster 2 Do you go out? Do you dress well, smell fine? Do you mingle? Do you have friends? What is your network like? Are you a memner of any social or professional groups Do you mingle? Do you have interests?
ReplyDeleteOr are you expecting your husband to dive through your roof like EFCC while you lie down and repeat your prayers?
Babe you too gbe body na, go out have fun, enjoy your life, network, build your income make bastard money, eat good food, drink delicious red wine. Enjoy the life of your head. Not that you will just stand wailing for man, is it marriage you really want or just to wear ring and answer Mrs so people will stop hassling you.
Meanwhile, while you select the best of the best, try to educate yourself about what marriage is all about. Go for parenting classes, go for marriage classes.
Most people are absolutely clueless absolute clueless about marriage and proudly enter with such carelessness. After 1 month ,they are rushing out like fire is pursuing them.
All these things you listed here does not give one a good husband, God/good character does.
DeleteHaven't you seen a business tycoon that married a street beggar. Yes you heard me right, he married a girl
that begs on the street that takes a bath once in a blue moon. He drove there everyday and spotted her and began chatting her
up until he took that abandoned orphan home and married her.
You see all those things you wrote there, they will attract men; lewd men who want to have sex, but without good characters, it won't
attract a "husband'
Uncle/Aunty 20:01 the focus of the comment is to live life and enjoy it. Develop yourself, explore your potential, build your network and networth while you prepare for marriage.
DeleteIf you feel the only holy men are situated under a rock in your church, that's fine.
Other people believe differently.
So you assumed the street beggar has good character or the businessman has good intentions.
DeleteMarriage happens to everyone. Stop all this good character trash talk.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Poster 1, what you are experiencing is the transition period. Both of you are two completely new ppl to living and sharing space, even a bed with someone else. You are learning how to find your balance with each other. Use tenderness, patience and be honest about what you need and you will both find your groove. This is not a matter for divorce unless you are experiencing some extreme level of suffering, abuse, or being encourage to participate in criminal or immoral activities. Be patient, it takes a while for two to become one. You will get there, just like all the billions of couples who have ever lived and gone through their own transition period.
ReplyDeletePoster 2, please tell your parents, friends, co-workers, and loved ones that you are on the market looking for love. Someone must know an eligible bachelor or know somebody who knows a man who is looking for a wife. It is ok to tell ppl who care about you that you are looking. This is how our ancestors found spouses in the past, through matching making within the social circles. So, use your circle to help you. Go on dates even if the person does not immediately fit your desires externally, they may have a great spirit or you may make a friend in the end.
It is ok to feel down, nobody feels good and upbeat when things are not going their way or they feel fearful about the future. Your feelings are valid. But do not stay in that mindset for any long time. Dust yourself off and and put a pep in your step. In the meantime get involved in volunteer activities, taking a course of learning a craft. Occupying your mind with other things is good, plus when you have somewhere to go you have a better chance of meeting someone along the way. All the best!
2. Self deliverance may help too.
ReplyDeleteThough I'm not the poster, I have to ask, pls explain more?
DeletePoster 2 this thought came to me
ReplyDeleteSee face of in house news na code
Take bettter pictures and enter the competition. Write somewhere in your note that you’re single. Let the good lord assist us with this plan and we hope for the best
Nice one!
DeletePoster 1 I know guy man has vexed you, but please calm down. Like you stated it's a long distance marriage and I also believe you guys were also in a long distance relationship, so your man might not have had the opportunities to identify all your triggers. Life is full of up and downs as it should be. So calm down.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 I sympathize with your situation, but I hope you know you can still live a fufilled life without having a man in your life, that's is if only you are willing to let go of this cultural shackle that ties the worth of a woman to a Man. Which is I respectfully think you should be doing; living your best life regardless.
I don't know about getting a suitor but I think in this modern world, getting a companion should be easy. But if you don't know how to go about it, let me give you and an expo:;dress nice, preferably classy. Locate a tush snooker bar;the less crowded it is, the better as it increases your visibility, buy a bottle of your favourite drink, and pretend to be interested in the game. If you do that for a week and nobody walks up to you, you can walk up to anybody you like there and ask him to teach you. Do this and see the result. The reason I stated snooker is because it's mostly a classy men sports, so there's no way you wouldn't see your spec there.
try this and let's see.
I like that you were very practical with your suggestion Mr Jeff.
Delete@Mr Jeff Really? I've always seen those snooker bars as something all these small local boys trying to form big boy in their head try to play without even knowing what they are doing. Then taking a drink and walking up to a Nigerian guy to teach you etc etc??? Hahahahahahahaha you must watch plenty 'fiim.' Na still una go profile her as an ashawo and treat her as such. Anyways none of my classy, rich male friends/brothers would be caught dead in a snooker bar, they usually visit places such as ar
DeletePoster 1 I know guy man has vexed you, but please calm down. Like you stated it's a long distance marriage and I also believe you guys were also in a long distance relationship, so your man might not have had the opportunities to identify all your triggers. Life is full of up and downs as it should be. So calm down.
ReplyDeletePoster 2 I sympathize with your situation, but I hope you know you can still live a fufilled life without having a man in your life, that's is if only you are willing to let go of this cultural shackle that ties the worth of a woman to a Man. Which is I respectfully think you should be doing; living your best life regardless.
I don't know about getting a suitor but I think in this modern world, getting a companion should be easy. But if you don't know how to go about it, let me give you and an expo:;dress nice, preferably classy. Locate a tush snooker bar;the less crowded it is, the better as it increases your visibility, buy a bottle of your favourite drink, and pretend to be interested in the game. If you do that for a week and nobody walks up to you, you can walk up to anybody you like there and ask him to teach you. Do this and see the result. The reason I stated snooker is because it's mostly a classy men sports, so there's no way you wouldn't see your spec there.
For ten good years 2 married men.Hope you are not dating them.have a friend back then in school,she was dating a particular married man and good suitors that would have settled with her were thinking she has someone already,we warned her she did not hear us.she was galavanting with someone husband while others were getting married.Today she is moving from one prayer house to another in search of a life partner,so if you are dating them stop now,so that your real man will see you.........Josaria
ReplyDeleteYou’re right.
Delete