This is an update to a recent Chronicle...
Remember my Mum in law wanted me to visit with the kids after she sent my husband messages telling him not to help me with the house work again?
I decided to just forget about the whole text thing and just free my mind towards my Mother in law and wait till my hubby brought up the issue of going to visit higher during the holiday before giving my opinion. But She sent me message again over the weekend on the issue. So I had to reply this time that I had taken note of her request but she would have to wait for her son to give her feedback on that as he’s my head. Lolz.
So my hubby was around and I just had to tell him what his mom had requested. He said she told him too but he’s not very keen on the idea. He said the peace of mind he’s enjoying now is very important to him and he needs to keep it that way. Asked him what he meant by that, turned out when they were kids, their dad used to take them to Villa most holidays to stay with their Grandparents as he traveled out of the country a lot so he felt they and their mom were better off with his parents than alone in the city with no close family and with little or no communication.
He said during those periods his mom had a lot of issues with his grandmother as the woman was a bit overbearing and always criticized his mom for pampering her children and not really being a good mother. The mom would spend the whole day in the kitchen or doing chores as was expected of a wife and even hardly had anytime for them. His Mom always complained to their hearing and would sometimes even blame their father for it all.
It was always an issue every holiday as the mom always objected to going but then fathers had the complete say. To him he felt their father didn’t really protect their mom enough and was a bit insensitive to her plight. His ended up having a not so great relationship with the grandmother as well. He said he doesn’t have any issues with us spending time with her but it has to be really short and he has to be with us too because in his words “women wahala no Dey hard to start”.
So he informed her we had already enrolled the kids for some IT summer training for kids and they can’t be away for long because of it. Promised her we ll make out some time towards summer ending and come and see her with the family.
Thank You all for your advice.
Your husband is smart and trying to avoid ish.. I am also happy he understands his mother very well.
Thanks for updating us.
Please post your chronicle link in the comment section if you can.
End of discussion!
ReplyDeleteYou married a wise man.
Sunshine BV
Glad it ended well
DeleteReasonable hubby that cares for his family
DeleteVery smart man. Men Should always put your wife and children first
DeleteHonestly dear poster...you married a very good emotionally intelligent husband👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿👏🏿. Kudos to him. He knows he is supposed to protect his family.
DeleteGod bless your husband with more wisdom
DeleteYour husband na Odogwu.
DeleteHe is a good man
You have a good man. May your marriage and home continue to wax stronger.
DeleteYour husband na man wey sabi. Enjoy your peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteMadam, tomorrow the same reason will be given by your sons to their wives to avoid visiting you with their children.
ReplyDeleteYou will be a grandmother someday.
Your turn will come.
Shut up fool...so they should spend time with a wicked woman Abi? The man knows his mother...why will you tell a man not to help a wife with 3 kids? Poster just continue to be wise and pray your husband covers you well cos that is problem half solved
Deleteexactly!
Delete@ Anonymous 15:36, nope not true, not if she doesn't turn out like her mother in-law...give married people space, it doesn't matter whether they are your child or not!
DeleteNo. Her sons and or sons -in-law will bring the grandchildren to stay with her so long she is a good mother now AND later stay off their matrimonial matters more than her mother-in-law ever did.
DeleteYes. Children who were not brought up with the idea of visiting granny are not likely to have the idea of of such visits.
Another yes. Daughters-in-law are increasingly reluctant to associate with MILs to avoid "see finish". Where today's wives stop. Their daughters will continue. Likely, they will be not give room for any seeing their DIL
15:15 I read both chronicles and I didn’t deduce the MIL being wicked, overbearing maybe, you can’t just sit in wherever you are and throw words, you even told someone to shut up in a public forum, you just might be the wicked one here and a mannerless one at that.
DeleteThat wasn't the poster. Just some random persons posting pls. Go read again.
DeleteCorrect man! God bless your home.
ReplyDeleteWise "head'
ReplyDeleteNo sentiments
Home first
rest last!
Simple
DeleteNice one
ReplyDeleteThis update make sense die
Poster I'm so proud of your husband,Very principled and not a pushover.
ReplyDeleteLord,hope you're taking note of qualities of the kind of husband your daughter needs🤗
You married a good man👍👍.
ReplyDeleteHonestly
DeleteSo glad it worked out. I wonder why some women, when they become mothers-in-law, see no wrong in repeating the wrong done to them. This issue is a vicious cycle that we must break because the resentment will pass to each generation. Some of the traditions that hamper women are heavily supported by women. When you ask why, they tell you they suffered the same thing so why should other women escape it. They normalize self hate and abuse this way.
ReplyDelete👌👌👌
DeleteAnon 15:42 spot on. It's a pattern that keeps repeating and being passed on to different generations.
DeleteAbuse is a cycle. The one once abused later turns out an abuser. If you know you know. This cycle can be broken thou
DeleteVery correct!
DeleteWow,better husband. But he should please not take the pleasure of having her grandkids from her,its a privilege
ReplyDeleteOversabi did he say they will never visit her?
DeleteWhat a wise man...I applaud your husband for learning out of experience, woman get wahala no be small...so it's better to avoid stories that touch later
ReplyDeleteThanks guys for updating us,I wish we can other updates too
I like chronicle updates.
ReplyDeleteNice one from your husband. It is good to avoid see finish.
I love reading chronicle update,thank God everything worked out for your good,more wisdom to your hubby,hail him Odogwu.
ReplyDeleteI just love this man already. When the head is weak,the entire body also becomes weak. This man is a very good head. I wish more Nigerian men will emulate this. Wives and their kids must be protected from their extended families,especially their mothers but no,our men will say their mothers and their wishes comes first.
ReplyDeleteThis chronicle has given me hope that all is not lost with our men.
https://www.stelladimokokorkus.com/2022/07/chronicle-of-blog-visitor-narrative_01585545022.html?m=1
ReplyDeleteThat's the chronicle link...
@MARTINS
As helpful as this martins is ehhn some world people will still hate him for it. One day I’ll bless him financially.
DeleteE no tire you @Anon1611
DeleteMartins is good good abeg
Good looking out to you
You have a wise husband,enjoy your peace of mind.
ReplyDeleteNice one.
Nice one from your husband😊. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteWhy is it always MIL and never FILs?
ReplyDeleteIt is a shame that women are this cantankerous.
Because most of the time FILs mind the businesses that pay them. They don't go around looking for what isn't lost.
DeletePoster, I love your husband! That man puts ur happiness first! He’s gold Abeg!
ReplyDeleteAs a woman who will be turning 7 years in marriage this August, i can tell you that he is a good man and puts you and your welfare first. Some of us who are married to men who were dominate/d by their mums and sisters have to fend for ourselves. Since you have dominated your son, you want to dominate me and my home , ok wait for me i am coming😅. My motto is if you don't stand up for yourself, they will stand on you.
ReplyDeleteWise man. He understands the two women. He knows what would happen if both of them were left to themselves. Not only older in-laws have it in them.
ReplyDeleteAbove all, he already knows that the Poster does not want to go. A wife who wants to go on such visit would not rigmarole the matter the way poster did. Twice the issue was raised. The man had to decide once.
your husband is smart, you too you are smart the way you responded to her. You both should build your home together, enjoy the peace in your home.
ReplyDeleteHe's a diamond. Always respect him and your MIL too.
DeletePoster, your husband is a Man, God bless and keep him for you
ReplyDeleteStella, we will not take it o.Personally I will not take it. That woman that gave us half gist should come and finish it abeg, anytime I see update I go think say na she. Woman wey the house girl arrest her husband. Woman if you are here, finish the gist in Jesus name. What sort of wickedness is this, we as family members have to know how it went na.
ReplyDeleteSome of us want to hear that the Poster forgot to help again and her husband suffered in detention and is suffering at the courts. But that is only possible if his brothers and family hate him or he has no friends. With or without the poster, that man will get out of detention. If they engage a wise lawyer, the case would be settled financially even without the man knowing. If they engage a connected lawyer, the case may be turned on the house-keeper's head. if they engage a good lawyer, the case will likely be stalemated because it is a case of two people fighting in which it is always difficult to prove who was the aggresor unless there are eye witnesses. The only way the house-keeper is sure of victory in court is for poster to instigate the Nanny and any other eye witness at home then to go give evidence for the house keeper. Now, which Nanny will agree to go do that while still working in the man's home.
DeleteAnybody expecting that man to be suffering is under estimating the rally culture amongst most families.
The worry infact is for the poster - how the man's family will treat her and relate with her going forward even though the man was at fault all round. Anyway, she appears comfortable and knowledgeable enough to look out for and after herself.
Congratulations poster. Your hubby demonstrated emotional intelligence!"Women wahala no dey hard to start" 😀
ReplyDeleteYou have a wise man for a husband. My mother that can complain for Africa, if I were a man, I'll not let my wife go stay with my mom for more than 2 days if I'll not be there with her o
ReplyDeletePoster remember say na the cup wey dem take measure for mother in-law today dem go still use measure for wife in the future when she become mother in-law.
ReplyDeleteIn summary, try and understand too when the time comes, to avoid that type of your chronicle then.
Shalom.
Not if she's a good MIL and doesn't go interfering in her children's home and affairs. Ire o
DeleteAnon 18:11 what made you think that her mother in-law is a bad woman and the poster will be a good MIL and will never complain anything about her sons' wives when they marry?
DeleteWell, wait till then nau.
DeleteYour husband is smart.
ReplyDeleteSimple. He is a leader.
DeleteI remember I commented that she should tell mama that her son has the final say but I never thought the husband will cooperate by objecting to the visit. He is a smart man. Enjoy your holiday.
ReplyDeleteBefore we use the chronicle and this update to flog "our" husbands, the man did not object to the visit.
DeleteAs narrated by poster's update, this is clear: Her husband knowing his wife and mother, planned the visit for the end of the holiday (obviously to use return to school as an excuse to make the visit short) and when he would be a part of the visiting team so he can stand between his wife and his mother throughout their stay.
There are other narrations in the update that DIL and MIL should ponder about.
Na man your husband be, may God continue to bless your home Poster.
ReplyDeleteI picked up one phrase in a book a long time ago and hold it so dear to my heart and it has always helped me. "Good fences makes good neighbors".
ReplyDeleteIn summary, to always have a happy relationship especially with extended family, no allow 'see finish' enter. E get why.
Poster, your husband is wise. God bless your home but don't deny grandma her grandkids when possible.
Also add prayers for protection and provision. Wives usually forget to worry about walls against see finish when challenges beyond their husbands' grasp arises. Then, some in-laws open the books of remembrance when helping or not helping.
DeleteMarrige is family affair. I was at a inter-tribal traditional marriage ceremony in Lagos State, Nigeria yesterday. It was again made clear marriage is family affair in the ceremonial rites and alaga sermoning. Or maybe all the family involvement in marriage ceremonies are a charade.
Wetin I know sef.
Correct man.
ReplyDeleteDear poster, you married a good man but you need to also strike a balance, which I observe you're doing already. Let the kids see and visit their grandma, also try and be cordial with her. I thank God for your beautiful home. May it continue to flourish.
ReplyDeleteWow thank GOD for a considerate husband
ReplyDeleteA husband like this is a blessing!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations..na beta man you marry.
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving us an update. He is indeed a wise man. And he understands that he should protect you. Not every man knows that.
ReplyDelete