Hmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE...
OLD FLAME
How do i handle this?. My first boyfriend came into town recently. We cut ties over 30 years. I was 20 when i was with him..
We have not seen since my Nysc. I am now a top shot in Nigeria, doing very well in life though not married. How do you appear in a woman's life after 30 years and expect affection?
He does not fit into the picture of what i want though he is a nice man desiring me so much. Wondering why we cut ties. He got married in US and now separated with 2 children.. Now very single But the same thing that made me leave him in 1991 is still there: Our cultural differences.
He has been in US for 50 years . He is 61. When he arrived, he was all over me . Trying to kiss and caress me in public when he arrived.. I told him this is Nigeria. He does not understand why i cant kiss him in public.
He is in my house now but i am uncomfortable with his touching and hugging. He is passing time to leave on Sunday to the village then will come back ending to return to the states. How do i cope with this over bearing affections. He is not my kind of man, much as I like to relocate to the US.
So far no physical intimacy. He has behaved well. Cant wait for Sunday to come . Americana wants to choke me
*If you don't want something why not say so? Why did you let him stay in your house instead of checking him into a hotel? If you don't want something, avoid it and not being it around you.... I don't see anything wrong with him kissing and touching you all over even in public, that's the naija mentality......
Why would you want to relocate to the US when you are doing well for yourself and a big shot? Make him relocate to Naija if you want him.....
Just let him know you don't feel anything for him. Good afternoon
ReplyDeleteHe left you when you were 20 years ( means you're at least 51 years now)
DeleteYour culture made you separate with him, did he magically find you at the Airport? Didn't you go to pick him yourself after having been in contact with him?
Didn't you know in your big shot( who even use that 🙄🙄) status he was staying in your house?
Are you still years or serving us cold Zobo?
Aunty Stella Chronicles don finish for storage o
Wait, he's been in US for 50yrs and is 61yrs.
Did you date him in the US or when He was 11yrs old?
When did he now leave Nigeria to have been US for 50 years?
Abi you're 70yrs old?
I'm really jobless today 🥱
At your age, you should be able to open your own mouth and politely state what you want.
DeleteI can't imagine inconveniencing myself for someone I have zero feelings for who wants to be touchy feely and if posssible go and few rounds of sex because I want to appear nice and kind.
And I'm not even up to 25.
Thank you Billikuma for writing my thoughts cos I didn’t even know where to start typing from. Top shot’s story is turnioniown
DeleteLol. I find this chronicle hilarious. You have to tell him you don't want him but I am guessing you just want to use this man to relocate to the U.S.
ReplyDeleteHonestly, see me laughing my heads off. Nigerian girl running away from abroad husband. Please tell him your mind,.
DeleteMbanu, this is Naija, na we get mentality. How can she allow him to be touching and kissing her in public? Poster,please do him sendforth. Me ehh, I go form accent tell him that I dont remember you.
DeleteYou can relocate alone without his effort. God dey.
DeleteTell him first hand than leading him on to the extent of spending days in your house. Sis, you are indulging him you know........
ReplyDeleteTell him you are not interested in him, it is that simple.
Do you want to use him to relocate? When you answer, your chronicle will be complete for proper comments and suggestions because you are bigger than who should be advised.
ReplyDeleteHow are you sure he is very single?if you think you don''t want to
ReplyDeletehave anything to do with him be straightforward and firm.
You both are adults and knows what is best for you.
Ma, are you sure he is separated?
ReplyDeleteSeparation does not even mean divorce.
Its not about touching and kissing! Let him define what he wants from you.
I believe you have someone you are dating, please dont leave your relationship because of this temporary distraction.
Why would he think its ok to just come back into your life after 30years, just because he is separated? Its not cool. Be firm with him. Let him know how you feel.
Which serious 61year old man dwells on kissing and caressing a 50something year old woman publicly without defining the relationship?
Stop giving him signs that you are available please.
Love & light ma’am.
Sista Jane.
Guy could be lying so he can chop and clean mouth. She said he would soon be leaving.
Delete😂 😂 😂 😂 😂 😂
ReplyDelete30 yrs after.
See, that guy just wants to eat and clean mouth. Keep your legs closed. You are mature enough to stop what you do not want..
If you still love him, you guys should define things thoroughly if no past burden or baggage to disrupt the Peace, enjoy each other's company till your last breathe.
ReplyDeleteThe most important thing at this stage is enjoying each other's company,make lasting memories that will linger till the afterlife. Hopefully die happy people.
If the affection is not mutual or him being a user, kick him out...
At the end, we all jus wanna be happy!!!
If you are a big shot and you want to relocate sit that man down and let him know how you feel and your intention. You are being childish by not expressing yourself.
ReplyDeleteU would have checked him into a hotel..he doesn't understand that you don't feel the same since u allowed him to stay with u.. after he leaves on Sunday don't let stay with you again.
ReplyDeleteAbeg Mama leave this kind of chronicle for the smallie then. You are the one that is supposed to advise us on this kind of thing na
ReplyDeleteLmao! Mama is confused
DeleteAdvice goes both ways either from top to bottom or vice versa, no one knows it all that's why she brought it here
DeletePls don't say that, you are age shaming her!
DeleteYou are mouthed 🤣🤣🤣
DeleteFine chronicle 😂
ReplyDeleteMadam tell him the truth since you are not into him anymore.
He will be alright. And please let him go to a hotel cos he might return from the village & might not be able to hold body anymore..lol
You say hold body? 🤣
DeleteSomebody that is probably going to pay bride price of another woman in his hometown. Even if he doesn't get married, another coochie is probably waiting for him over there, he will chop and get satisfied before returning to poster on Sunday.
Madam, pls if you don't feel attracted to him anymore, just keep him at arm's length henceforth but if you want to marry him for papers or use him to relocate, then play along.
Tehehehe!!!, at chop and belleful
DeleteDreza you may be right, I just remember that most of these men usually go to their villages and traditionally marry another woman approved by their relatives and keep her here as Nigerian wife.
DeleteI don't understand why you are pretending at this age of yours.
ReplyDeleteYou are no longer a teenager that doesn't know what she wants in a man.
Let that man know your stance, please.
In addition, desist from using that man to relocate abroad if you have that intention because you would actually regret the outcome.
#DoNotSnifWhatYouDonotWantToEat
Anik
Do not start what you cannot finish.
ReplyDeleteJust sit him down and express yourself, no big deal.
ReplyDeleteThis story is not complete or needs more explanation. Like I have a lot of questions to ask . But because of the age mentioned, it's time to do what makes you happy. You don't like where he's from but you like him as a person,then give him a chance. You don't want pda,then let him know and he should stay in a hotel. You are doing well for yourself but it seems you don't mind relocating with him,why don't you go for just a visit first and see how it 'll be like with him in the u.s before deciding to relocate.
ReplyDeleteI love your last advice. Madam poster pls read this again. Start by visiting him in the states and see how it goes if you want to relocate through him
DeleteMa, at this stage of your life. You should know how to say no,and stand on it. You're no longer a teenager that shouldn't know what u want and how to outrightly reject what you don't want
ReplyDeleteThat hugging and kissing in public was to try to brand you as his woman
ReplyDeleteIf you liked him, it would have been perfect. But it seems you don’t like him. It’s hard to let go of someone that is proclaiming love to you when you need someone but don’t like this particular someone
The only part I don’t get is what you mean by cultural differences. What differences exactly. Sometimes those things can easily be worked out where there is love and money. Is it that he expects you to cook and clean. Is it the affection in public. Or is it that you’re both from different parts of Nigeria What exactly are you concerned about.
If you have some desire for him, don’t end it till you’ve answered these questions. The US is very accommodating to different cultures so why not come visit him first before you end it over cultural differences.
If it’s that you dislike him or find him unattractive, well that’s different
Thank you, she seems like an uptight person and really needs to loosen up.
DeleteBe firm with ur decisions.since u don't really want him anymore, just let him know
ReplyDeletePoster, I understand you. As one grows old, all you want to do is take things slowly so touching and being all over me is a turn off. We understand it's the niaja/Africa mentality but we prefer it that way. Ain't nothing wrong in doing it the niaja way if that's what one is comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteMy advise, tell that man you are not interested and you will rather remain friends and if it develops into a relationship in the future so be it but currently you are not at that point. You are no more a child so please don't allow anyone to bully you into doing what you are not comfortable in doing.
Why allow a man that you do not have any affection for to share a bed with you in your home? Ain't you scared of him raping you? What happened to him lodging in an hotel?
ReplyDeleteMy uncle used to say that a stiff **** has no conscience. Ma'am, becareful o.
If you don't want him, simply tell him off. Shine ya eyes o.
He’s not in her room na
DeleteHouse get plenty room
Ma you can assist him since he is already under your roof, but do not light up the old flame that you both had do not sleep in the same room nor watch any romantic movie that he might cajole you to watch, its 30 good years, thats a good number Ma. Kindly be open and tell him with a straight face you are not available and not into him nor inlove with him.
DeleteBe free to share with him your intentions of moving to the US and need his assistance in a way. that is if you plan to. Takecare and Goodluck Ma.
Not everyone is staying in self contained na, chill.
DeleteMadam tell him your mind you are both adult.
ReplyDeletePoster,please let that man go. Some things are not worth pursuing. 61 years old and he is not acting it. What happened to slowly wooing and understanding why you two broke up and work thru it? He isn't serious abeg. He just wan use you count scores and use your name to quote Okafor's law. Move on abeg.
ReplyDeleteMadam, from the look of things you still like him and he might have parted your red sea, but you want to hear from us. Thanks to Martins for helping me get my id today
ReplyDeleteposter why are you afraid that you can tell him you do not have any feelings for him, you should have told him that before he landed in naija. You gave him hope by welcoming him into your house oga is feeling you like him but doing women shakara first before you kiss him back.
ReplyDeletePlease speak some sense into his head, let him understand that you cannot walk away for a lady and come back after 30 years to still win her over. Alot of waters has pass through that bridge.
She may have liked him on phone but in person not so much
DeleteThis happens all the time
Please madam don't start what you cannot finish.. Let him know your mind
ReplyDeleteYou don't want him yet you are playing around the same thing. You said you are a big shot, so relocation shouldn't be an issue for you . If you have someone in your life, it's better you concentrate and forget this one abi why all the confusion?
ReplyDeleteMy advice is to have a heart to heart discussion with him and also check if he is single.
ReplyDeleteGood luck ma'am
All the comments on the post shows that women don't even care about men whatsoever.
ReplyDeleteThis lady led the man on that they can rekindle their relationship. That is why the guy came to Nigeria and that is why he is living in her house.
Dude was led on to believe he has a chance, but on arriving in Lagos, the lady see that he doesnt fit into what she wants...and rather than tell the poor guy and let him know so he can focus his attention somwehere else...she came online to start ranting and showing her displeasure.
Poster, you are selfish. You claim to be a top shot and yet you had a intention of using the guy to japa.
No sane man will be all over you if you did not string them along to believe something can happen.
Sort yourself out. Selfish woman!
16:20 who hurt you this bad. Yes she should tell him; she's not interested but calling poster selfish and insinuating she led him on is out of place.
DeleteThat’s not life
DeleteShe’s not into him doesn’t mean she led him on. Didn’t you respond he’s going to his village too. He’s nut here just for her. Also you’re not required to keep things going if you meet in person and don’t like the person
17;48 - So what is stopping her from telling the guy directly instead of ranting on a forum?
Delete16:53 - Yes, the poster is selfish. She is claiming the guy is choking her but at same time not stopping the guy. Isn't that selfishness? She is enjoying the attention but using the guy for cruise.
If someone does what is wrong - tell them they are wrong instead of sugarcoating it.
18:00 I wouldn’t advise any lady to tell a man that’s in her house that she doesn’t like him. Can you imagine how the remaining days will go. Not every man responds to rejection well. Better to let him leave and tell him on the phone
DeleteMadam,you dey do or you no dey do . these things is as simple as ABC
ReplyDeleteYou want him= come in
You don't want him= get out
Hmmmmm
ReplyDeleteIf you’re truly a big shot, you’d check him into a hotel.
If you’re truly a big shot you’d have the funds to checkout of And Nigeria and relocate without having to marry some guy you don’t love.
Big shot 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Big shot get levels.
DeleteRelocation papers may be above her big shot.
Poster is caught in the middle of emotions.
She should not have allowed him stay with her.
Lol big shot can’t just relocate to America. You still need visa and fortunately or unfortunately the easier visa for relocating to America is marriage.
DeleteMany rich people don’t lodge guests in Nigerian hotels.
Ma, you should be over 50 by now, please you've gone too far for someone to be making your feel uncomfortable. Boldly tell him how you feel
ReplyDeleteWhy is he in your house?
ReplyDeleteDo you want to accommodate him?
DeleteIf you dnt want him,let him know pls,dnt lead him on
ReplyDeleteI read comments of those saying she wants to use the man to relocate abroad as if they're responding to another chronicle. Did you guys omit where she said she's top shot in Naija? For Nigeria, na only poor people they struggle to get visa, if you get money, dem go dey carry visa beg you to travel.WHERE WILL A POLITICALLY GROUNDED NAIJA WOMAN WOULD LIKE TO TRAVEL TO AND GOT DENIED VISA? The man is coming to be a leach on your neck, kick him out and face front! America my foot!! Go abroad and see your brothers roaming the street of obodooyinbo with nowhere to lay their heads in the cold.
ReplyDeleteDId you not read where she insinuate that she wants to relocate to America? Let's be honest - she was thinking of the guy as a route. Go and read the chronicle again slowly.
DeleteIf you like - have millionss in your account, the only visa you will get to america is visit visa. To get permanent stay, you must either get an entrepreneur visa or marry someone who has citizenship.
How is the man leeching her? Is the man not okay in America before for the past 30 years? The guy is just rekindling old flame. So stop broke shaming the guy when there is nothing to shame about.
You claim that a lot of brothers are roaming the street - how many are they? They are not even up to 0.5% of the entire Nigerian population in the US.
When you have no reason to fault a guy, you resort to brokeshamking them. SMH
"He is not my kind of man, much as I like to relocate to the US."
DeleteYou people should stop reading with your feet and read with your eyes.
Thank you @18:03
Delete18:34 that doesn’t mean she wants to use him to relocate.
DeleteLet me try to answer like normal person since my head dey house for the past 1 hour.
ReplyDeleteYour question in a nutshell is: How I go fit chop this thing without swallowing it?
He has been in the US for 50 years and he is 61 according to you.
Where was this relationship based because online dating wasnt a thing then.
Was he coming and going?
I'm asking this because you mentioned 'cultural differences '. Whatever the case at 61, what cultural differences are you referring to when he has spent more than 90% of his life in the US?
Is it the American culture you are referring to?
Surely you can adapt, if he has other strong posotivevalues and is willing to compromise.
You obviously do not like him.
I know how it feels to have someone you do not like all over you.
The flesh crawls.
Save yourself the agony and let him go.
I think you should just sit him down and let him know how you feel about him in a way it won't hurt his feelings.
ReplyDeleteI have come to understand that when writing chronicles here is better not to give any clue about your age, if not, people will because of your age tell you things that will even make you depressed.
ReplyDeleteWhy can't people understand that NO ONE KNOWS IT ALL. Advice can come from anybody whether old or Young.
You don't need to insult nor age shame someone because they seek advice. Aside being an adult, we are not all the same intellectually. Don't because of internet cause someone's depression, God is watching!!!
PLEASE I'M NOT THE POSTER OO. JUST SAYING.....
You are blessed
DeleteAge shaming gender shaming poverty shaming wealth shaming no child shaming . We really must do better as a nation
Speak up tell him how u feel
ReplyDeleteDarling sis, there's this euphoria that comes with knowing that an ex you haven't seen in 30 years, comes back to you and still finds you desirable. So desirable that he can't keep his fingers and lips to himself. Be that as it may, be guided that it's a very common fantasy of most people, men in particular, to have sex with an ex. The curiosity of how it would feel is rather seductive, especially if both parties were sexually compatible. This doesn't mean that he still loves you or wants you for keeps. What is painfully obvious is that he wants your body.
ReplyDeleteThink about it, sis, if he were coming because he wants something serious, shouldn't he be trying to catch up? Shouldn't he be more concerned with where your head is at emotionally? I find it curiously offensive that he assumes he can get into your pants on arrival after his 30 years departure. This gentleman is 61 years, for the sake of all things shiny and new! You, on the other hand, are a lady of a certain age. You have to be intentional about any intimate relationship you venture into. A 61 year old man should have a better grip on his hormones. I understand an overwhelming flow of emotions as soon as he meets you after 30 years, but this continuous PDA is... especially when you're not interested.
Now to the crux of the matter, sis, what the hell?(excuse my French) What's with the mixed signals? Why, exactly, are you hosting this man in your house? Didn't he plan for his accommodation? What am I missing? You come off as though he is a tad shy of being irritating but his US status makes him bearable. If he doesn't fit the picture, why are you hammering a square peg into a round hole?
I think you should have passed the stage of seeing a man as your way out of Nigeria. Come on sis! You don't need a man to relocate to the States. If you can't do it by yourself, in spite of how well you're doing, perhaps you are meant to remain in Nigeria. Please perish the thought, that's extremely low and very unfair to him. If you don't like a dog, don't want its bone!
"So far no physical intimacy" no? Let's hope it stays that way because you've stated that he isn't what you want. I really wish you the happiness you desire.
e-hugs and kisses.
Poster, it's obvious you guys had a thing over the phone but on his arrival, you were not into him. This is normal as it happens sometimes. Kindly allow him travel to his village, and tell him over the phone you can't hoist him when he comes back. Probably fake an emergency travel out of town. If you can, book an hotel for him. Then say a day or two he is to return to US, request for an outdoor meeting. Calmly tell him you are not interested in a relationship with him. Wishing you the best.
ReplyDelete