STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
BVs you guys should advice me on my present predicament.
BVs you guys should advice me on my present predicament.
I have a male family friend that I met while in the university. We both have graduated same year but I got a job before him.
When he came for an interview in the new state I was working he pleaded to stay at my place which I agreed since he said is only two days. Two days became a week and even more than a week. I asked him one day I came home that why he hasn’t left back to his base but dude was saying ATM debited him his Transport fare.
On reaching work the following day I requested for his account and sent him 10k which is way too much for transport fare. Like 3k will do but I just locked up and send him that amount to see his reaction. Could you all believe this dude refused to leave oh, I had to tell him one day my guy was coming into town from port harcourt.
I told him I did not inform my guy about him that he should leave before I get back from work and drop my key with a Neighbor that was when he left.
Let me give you guys a little hint, while he was at place the guy does nothing only to eat, go out and come home making me uncomfortable in my own house.
He wouldn’t let me watch channel of my choice, he wastes food, I will come back from work and cook but he sits all day pressing phone and watching movies or musical channels.
I had an operation then which I do not need two much sitting down but dude is always on three sitter chatting and watching movies. If I lay on that three sitter and make any mistake to get up to pee or do anything guy man is back to that three sitter.
His head cannot tell him to stand up after he knows I had an operation and I still told him I cannot sit for long.
Now to the main gist on ground this guy called me again telling me he was on his way from his location to my place to stay with me till he finds a job and get an apartment. I quickly told him I was out of town and will be back on two weeks time.
This same guy said he will come to stay at my place when I come back in two weeks time. I had to chat him up asking him what happened , he said his job has stopped and he need to get a new job in the state he has been dreaming. You did not inform me about your coming only to call me when you have already done half way journey. He started with sweet mouth as they always do when they need your help but I told him let me discuss it with my guy and get back to him.
My guy is nice, hard working and I respect him a lot cos he is always there for me and respect me too. We are not rich but we are working hard to get the basics in life. We do share my rent with my guy, he helped me to acquire most things in my house.
We have each other’s spare key cos we live in different areas same state. My guy love privacy which I love that too, I don’t want to even discuss this family friend issue with my guy, I don’t want to give room to things like this before someday he will bring in a girl to say she is a family friend. I don’t know how I will take it I’d that happens, he may pretend to be fine just to make me happy but deep down he will die of jealousy knowing fully well that the guy is not my blood anything could happen in his mind oh.
Myself and that guy are not dating but he has made attempts to date or sleep with me. He has even asked me to kiss him on several occasions so you see this help will not end well cos he may use the advantage to war with me to give into his request. I love my guy and respect him, I don’t want to hurt him or spoil our relationship. I rather help this guy from far since his attitude is not encouraging.
The last time I helped a female friend she said one week but it got to 8 months people of SDK I don’t think I have the emotional and financial strength to do so. Me and that girl didn’t end well as she said a lot of terrible things about me to people. I don’t want to run into depression cos once you do me things I will not speak to you about it but will keep enduring it oh and boom depression is set.
Hope I am making the right decision ? Please advice.
*Dont let that guy come back to stay in your place... Family friend indeed!
Even family is dangerous, talk less of friend... Keep him at an arms length please...
What if he rapes or kills you for monetary reasons?
To be wise is to be wise oh cos your explanation seems to be struggling to convince yourself that he should not come to stay.....
Until his presence destroys your beautiful relationship or worst till he rapes you. Please learn to say no! You don’t owe him or anyone anything abi wahala dey the matter?
ReplyDeleteIt is your house. Tell him it’s not convenient. Simple!!!
Simply tell you he can’t stay with you
DeleteYour man is not comfortable with it and so are you.
Simple and short
Get your mum involved being that he is a family friend.
I hate when guys don’t have their own self respect because what is this?
Push up (original)
What there to think again?
DeleteNo means no..
What kind of guy will want to stay with a girl he's not dating?
Some people nor just get sense
DeleteYou must be a softie! Tell him not to set his foot in your abode!!
No one is talking about the operation that you cannot sit for long. Did you do BBL? 😉
Delete17:19
Delete🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣 17:19 you are a clown. On a more serious note so many people can't seat for long even after fibroid surgery.
Delete17:19 🤣🤣🤣 yeye somebody
DeleteBeejay
Dont even allow him to peep inside. This guy can even rape you. Tell him No and if he comes knocking don't open the door.. Tell your guy
DeleteIt is audacity for me😒 someone that came for interview and stayed more than 2 weeks, he does not even have a prospect of job this time around. Abeg abeg, let him stay away from you o.
DeleteDon't let him into your place again. He is spoilt and have entitlement mentality.
ReplyDeleteI don't even understand what the problem is in this chronicle.
DeleteIt's a simple "No" na. Kilodè?
Aunty, kindly tell him you can't accommodate him. Simple & short. If you still can't say that, tell him you have female co-workers squatting with you now because they have accommodation problem too. Make him understand that you are no longer living alone, you've got ladies living with you now & he's not welcome.
ReplyDeleteDon't forget to change your locks too. Inform your guy of everything going on & if you haven't been security conscious, start doing that now!! Protect your privacy abeg!
Very good point. She should change her locks incase he made a copy before dropping it off with the neighbor.
DeletePoster, you better learn to say no. You don't even have to give him a reason. Just tell him that it will not work and he shouldn't come to your place. If he doesn't have male friends from school in the state to stay with, let him keep applying for jobs from where he is until he gets one. Don't risk your relationship and comfort for him because he is a family friend. It may end worse than the person you accommodated for 8 months.
DeleteThere's no need to lie over nothing. You're not blood related. Why should he squat with you. Tell him NO and stick to it. Don't start what you won't finish. Be guided...
DeleteTell him he can't stay with you. Simple!
ReplyDeleteIf he come unannounced, don't open he door for him. Please help him from afar. He shouldn't stay with you.
DeleteYou shouldn’t have told him you won’t be around. Tell him straight you can’t accommodate him anymore.
ReplyDeleteYou are not even related by blood.
Some guys do not use their brains. How can you feel comfortable staying with a chic that’s not your gf?
If you love yourself, tell him not to set one foot in your place. What if this guy drugs and rapes you? He certainly has an evil plan up his sleeves...be wise. The guy is a leech and a loafer.
Do not cause problems for yourself.
Sluttychic.
The guy doesn't have an appreciative attitude at all. You just need to be extremely careful cos he can hurt you to have his way.
ReplyDeletePoster,I'm not in the right position to advice you,because I have a problem with saying NO aswel.
ReplyDeleteA quick "NO, DON'T COME" would solve all these inconveniences,No rocket science there.
He has made attempts to kiss/sleep with you, and you're comtemplating whether to tell him to come or stay back. 🙄.
ReplyDeleteShe enjoyed the kiss nah, why is it that you guys can't understand this, must they spell everything out for you🤌
DeleteMe i just dont understand this.
DeleteU get mind you better say no before the unexpected happens
ReplyDeleteDo not allow ya good to turn to bad oo.
ReplyDeleteMake elf guy no go spoil ya relationship nd d never can tell ya guy might come unannounced one day nd it won’t be good. Tell him in a simple language dat u don’t want him around. Period
He should look for someone else to stay with abeg
ReplyDeleteWhat if he rapes you?
.he is even inconveniencing you and you are still thinking of housing him Mbanu
If you can't tell him No with your full chest, tell him your fiance said No and that since he pays half of the rent you can't disobey him.
ReplyDeleteFor God's sake he's a man, anything can happen to you staying alone with him in the day time talk more of night time.
He doesn't even help out at home self. Wo poster give yaself brain oh!
Even if he was the most helpful and kind
DeleteNO means NO
DONT COME , SIMPLE
@Poster, what is difficult about you telling the family friend outright and clearly that you don't want him to stay with you? Worst he can do is stop talking to you. How does that affect your life. Pls learn to stop being a people pleaser otherwise you will suffer in this life. You better tell him that he cant come before he will "dabaru" your relationship for you. And whilst you are at it, pls change your locks (in the event he has spare copy of your house key).
ReplyDeletePoster na today they born you? Aside having a boyfriend how can you possibly let a guy come sleep in your house not to talk of spending days in your house with all the insecurity in this country? You no dey fear for your life? What if he rapes you? What if etc? Then you had the mind to bring in a guy to spend a night in your house when you have a boyfriend? If your boyfriend harbor another woman how will you feel? If I live alone and my male friend is coming into town for interview or whatever the highest I can do is to support him with hotel money if I have. I WILL NEVER ALLOW A MAN THAT IS NOT MY BLOOD BROTHER SPEND A NIGHT IN MY HOUSE. For security reasons. My security is important.
ReplyDeleteI never see this kind chronicle before oh.
DeleteWhich of my male friends would ask to stay with me for one week?lol
That what happen??
More so when I’m in a relationship. How would my significant other feel
People dey this life oh
Poster so you no sabi say ‘no’ without explanation.
Better learn it oh.
I used to be like you.
Now I delight in saying no and turning people down.
One time my friend said he wants to buy one thing for his wife and said I should help.
I sent him someone’s page on IG
Next thing he started munching and sending me pictures.
I don’t know your wife’s size
I don’t know her style.
I simply told him to chat the lady up and take it up from there.
I go find page for you, I go still help you buy.
No na.
Continue from where I stopped.
I’m not that available please.
He got the message and went ahead
to buy it himself
Poster learn to say N O
Say it after me ‘NO’
‘NO MY HOUSE IS NOT AVAILABLE’
‘NO I WOULD RATHER NOT’
‘NO I CANT’
‘NO I DONT FEEL COMFORTABLE ACCOMMODATING YOU’
‘NO’
Lol poster sorry o but you are slow or you low key like the guy,you owe him nothing and you can politely tell him you aren’t comfortable staying alone with him family friend or not.
ReplyDeleteExactly, poster has feelings for this guy low key, cuz I don't understand.
DeleteLol poster sorry o but you are slow or you low key like the guy,you owe him nothing and you can politely tell him you aren’t comfortable staying alone with him family friend or not.
ReplyDeleteI don't understand this poster. What is the family friend dangling over your head that you are worried to tell him no? Aren't you afraid of being raped or even worse, used for money rituals? Boyfriends use their babes for rituals, what more an ordinary family friend staying in your house? Abeg abeg abeg, tell him a very sound NO. You will not die neither will he.
ReplyDeleteTo even think the guy isn't even useful to you in any way and you are scared of hurting his feelings. Na wa for you oo.
There's totally no need for this chronicle. You dont owe him much explanation. Tell him it can't work.
DeleteHow comfortable are you staying with a guy that is not your blood or husband . Na wah..
Haba na,why won't you let him stay with you? After all your boyfriend is very mature and understands he is just a family friend.Please don't let him get stranded o, the last time he came over he was such a model friend.If he kisses or rapes you in the heat of the moment,it's no biggy,friends do have benefits.If he also consumes your food and takes over your space,you have to endure because he is tied to your umbilical cord.Your boyfriend definitely knows that you wouldn't bat an eyelid if the case were the reverse, so why do you worry about bringing him in to ruin your relationship?Please be careful of the advice you get here,I know some bad belle would discourage you like Stella did above,no mind them.Them no sabi wisdom.
ReplyDeletePoster don't listen to this person o. If you value your life and privacy, you'll tell your family friend to go hustle and stay in a hotel till he gets his 'dream job' in his 'dream state'
DeleteYou don't need anybody to tell you that you're courting trouble by entertaining this human being.
🤣🤣🤣🤣. You dey mind poster. Saying she’ll feel bad if her bf does it, yet she’s doing it.
Delete@anon16:25...what DD wrote is sarcasm!
Delete👍Disco Dancer weldone dear,a word is enough for the wise, she who has ears let her hear!
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Since shes not wise now. How old are you exactly? Who does this in 2022? I can even still accomodate a female but you see a male, i cannot accomodate you for more than a night....Do u think of ur safety ? What if u get raped or harmed. Nawa o, pity ur parents if u no pity urself. U dey accomodate man dat isnt ur blood ????
Delete🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
DeleteI'm with SDK on this one,no long talk.
ReplyDeletePlease don't let him. Tell him it's not convenient
ReplyDeleteI actually thought it was a guy helping his fellow guy out. How can a male friend attempt to kiss/sleep with you when you are clearly not in a relationship with him and you are still asking this question. See eh, there are some questions you just dont ask. You people like wasting the energy used in typing.
ReplyDeleteShe's confused and indecision is her biggest undoing...
DeleteI don't have much to type ma...The simple truth is, tell him ur man said No.
ReplyDeleteStand on your word and don't allow anyone to push you to the wall.
This is not a heavenly race. Do not give in to his request. Even if he comes into town, hides in the neighbourhood till you come back, appears at your door step, tell him in no terms you can't afford to accommodate him. Not even for a night. He has a well laid plan to stay and his departure is not defined. Most times, parting is not mutual. Quarrel, lies and accusations are heaped on the head of the helper. Better tell him off now and save your sanity than accommodate him and his ungrateful ass and regret later.
ReplyDeleteWhat inconvenience! Man up.
You get mind oooo.
ReplyDeleteYou bring man come your house to stay and you get boyfriend.
The guy go soon start dey knack you. The first go be mistake and then more mistakes until e destroy your relationship.
Borrow yourself sense naaah
I will advice you change your house key if you are still using the same key when he was around before.
ReplyDeleteTell him that you are not ready now to accommodate anyone for now.
Also be ready to usher him out of your house anytime you are going to work to make him uncomfortable because he can show in your house with his bag unnoticed.
Poster don't even let him come close to you anymore. You have a beautiful relationship, protect it by all means.
ReplyDeleteI pity you the day your guy finds out about this your family friend that has tried to kiss you.
Tell the visitor that he can't stay at yours. Simple.
him a very big NO and don't feel ashamed about it abeg. Na from clap he dey enter dance. He can't go to where his family members are. He has a big sense of entitlement and he is also a leech, if you allow him stay at your place, it will end in premium tears
ReplyDeletePoster stop entertaining nuisances
DeleteSTOP ANSWERING HIS CALL, TEXT MESSAGES, WHATSAPP MESSAGES, ETC. IGNORE HIM!
ReplyDeletePearl
He had made an attempt to kiss and also sleep with you.If you are really serious and respect your man,you wouldnt even think about him coming to stay at your place.what if he rapes you.Tell him to look for another place,that you're not comfortable with him around you.
ReplyDeleteIf it's a family house now,I can still reason but you two alone....It's a No for me.
This is it!! Tell him you're not comfortable with him living with you. It's as simple as that. And say it with boldness
DeleteNo way. Let him not come. Period
ReplyDeleteTell him your boyfriend is not comfortable with the idea of him staying, and be bold about it pls.
ReplyDeleteBlock the family friend immediately and say nothing to ur guy...take time to relax.u will be fine
ReplyDeleteBLOCK HIM
DeleteYOU OWE HIM NOTHING
YOU ARE NOT A HOTEL!
That kind of guy will turn up at her doorstep and if it happens when she is with her guy, how will she explain that he has stayed with her for over a week before and nothing happened? She shouldn't block him but boldly tell him not to come to her house as she can't stay with a guy that isn't her brother.
DeleteYou are actually a nice person from your narrative but you don’t have to displease yourself to please others..May God give you the wisdom to handle it
ReplyDeleteDude probably thought you enjoyed his company too
ReplyDeleteJust tell him no. Leave your bf out of it
Women would just be risking rape and harm. Let h look for his male friends.any guy his male friends can't accommodate for a month has serious issues.
ReplyDeletePoster you have to be wise. Tell him you are not available.
ReplyDeleteHow old are you? No seriously. I really want to know.
ReplyDeleteMe too oo. Too naive it’s almost 😷. That boy has plans for you. He’ll tape you, get you pregnant and marry you. He has his plans laid out. If you like be his Mugu. I hope your bf catches you. So that he can see the type of lady you are
DeleteIs like you haven't learnt your own lesson.
ReplyDeleteMe, I have learnt mine the hard way.
The last one I did caused gave me trauma, to the extent that when my elder sis called to say she'll be traveling over to spend this hols with her two kids I just said no, not even cos I don't have foodstuffs/money presently, it's something she can provide for when she arrives, but with a dumb escuse that I needed my privacy, she knew something was off cos Haba, free room dey nah..
Omo, I later called her back when I came to my senses, she was just laughing at me when I was giving her the gist of my experiences with accomodating people,.
Maybe on a good day I'll drop the stories and also how they were chased off, the violence approach and the diplomatic (wisdom) approach Lol..
The kind interview wey I go give anyone wey I no sure of him way now wey won visit go pass visa interview
Jeez. Stand your ground. No take your hand carry problem wey go swallow you.
ReplyDeletePoster, you should not be living with a guy. Simple.
ReplyDeleteSimply tell him your man said no,if you don't know how to refuse him.
ReplyDeleteIgnore his chatts and calls even if he comes unannounced ignore him and give him reasons to discharge him you can stay in a friend place until he leaves your house
ReplyDeleteYou say?
DeleteMy ish was even friends of the same gender..
ReplyDeleteBut yours is silly and stupid.. can you tell your parents this guy is staying with you?
What sort of shameless and brainless man lives with a female who isn't his family or girlfriend?
Except you're not telling the whole truth, cos e be like say something dey give the bobo mind to fit dey comfort for your place..
See senseless talk.. I'm just imagining I'm in a relationship and my banny come tell me this rubbish.. Lol.. shey you dey whine me ni.. you girls joke alot aswear.. na so one of my guy call me last month dey laff say him babe tell am with audacity say one guy dey take am out that Sunday afternoon,. Asin say he's just a friend taking her out on a date. Now my guy don dey take girls out on date too as per she's just a friend and she dey vex and nag say bobo dey cheat.. next time she no go dey think selfishly like person wey no get brain
Things like this don't usually end well - I am saying this from experience. Besides, he has already given you signs that he's going to be a leach.
DeleteHe's probably thinking in his head that you like him and you're willing to have a relationship with him.
Distance yourself from him.
😂Dante av vex o
DeleteSenseless talk true true
Please don't accommodate him for your own good. Just as Stella said, he may rape you or even kill you for money. Him staying in your house is dangerous my sister
ReplyDeleteAll this people shouting rape on top family friend. You guys should stop it
ReplyDeleteShe only said he’s lazy. That’s his only crime and come to think of it, most young Nigerian guys are just like him. When they visit they expect to be catered to the way their mothers and sisters cater to them. There’s nothing about him that screams rapist. Stop throwing that word around
Entitlement, stupidity and leacherous crossing of boundary should not be entertained at all
DeleteDon't allow him to come to your house anymore.
ReplyDeleteIf you can't tell him no verbally, simple type it and send to it. I'm already irritated by him sef, mtcheeeeewwww
ReplyDeleteDon't let your good heart land you in serious problem Sis. Do everything possible to keep him away
ReplyDeleteHe probably thinks he has hit jackpot. Internet no dey for his state for him to apply for jobs from there? If he wants to move to his dream state, he can, but tell him he can't stay with you. He can look for his male friends to stay with. Were your parents even comfortable that he was with you the last time?
ReplyDeleteHe shouldn't use his dream to become your nightmare
DeleteFirst things first, go change your lock asap just incase he made a copy of your home keys while he stayed at your place previously.
ReplyDeleteYou should not have to explain or give him any excuse on why he is not welcome. its simple you are a single lady and cannot accommodate him for obvious reasons. Trust me that guy has backup plans on where to stay without you being in that town. Don't let him guilt trip you stand your ground no need for the lies.
Abeg keep him at arms length oo, you sef you get mind oo, what if he force himself on you at the middle of the night ?? Crazy things are really happening
ReplyDeletePoster if you really want to help him,beg your guy to accommodate him
ReplyDeleteExactly!
DeleteYou would not like your guy to accommodate a female family friend. But you accommodated a male friend and still asking whether or not to do so again.
ReplyDeleteWhen your guy act, you will send another chronicle here for some female Bvs to abuse all men.
Kontinue.
U don't even need to think it through babe, say no pls, it's not right for him to stay with u till he finds a job, till he finds a job might take donkey years, know this and know peace. That guy is trouble
ReplyDeleteThis guy will destroy your relationship.... He is looking for a way to wife you.... His intensions are not pure ..... He don see working class lady... If you end up with him, na frustration go end am....
ReplyDeleteLol some of you your parents failed to teach you how to set and enforce boundaries and also how not to be people pleasers because what the heck is this ?!
ReplyDeleteAs an adult someone occupies your space against your comfort and you’re here asking whether you should allow the person back to your space to do nonsense?!
Are you people for real ?
How are you comfortable even sending in a chronicle to ask what you should do? What you should do ?!
When you’re supposed to change your locks and tell the geezer unequivocally that you can’t accommodate him without even having to give him reasons.
Some of you really really need a crash course on how to be an adult who says NO!
Lady MorgiannE
My dear as in the matter is sooooo tiring😥. Even when i was a naive silly young girl(which i was😁), i cannot imagine being this foolish. After EVERYTHING he did, you cannot tell him no?. Babe get some therapy
DeleteMy dear as in the matter is sooooo tiring😥. Even when i was a naive silly young girl(which i was😁), i cannot imagine being this foolish. After EVERYTHING he did, you cannot tell him no?. Babe get some therapy
DeleteThe guy should please go and hustle like his mates and stop depending on a female for free food and accommodation.
ReplyDeleteQueen Irene
I really dnt know why people find it difficult to say no to what they dnt want,poster tell him the way it is,you can't accommodate him period,how will you even accommodate a man,you are not related to,a man that has tried to kiss you,haba and you have a relationship,my dear the ball is in your court
ReplyDeletePoster you need therapy. You need to sort yourself because these issues usually stem from childhood or growing up experiences. You may need professional help. But if you can't, try to read up on building your self-esteem and jettisoning the 'nice girl syndrome'. I recommend the book, The Nice Girl Syndrome by Beverly Engel. You are a people pleaser and you don't know how to say no. You are also somewhat attracted to the guy. But you know the guy, so you also know having anything to do with him will not end well. So learn how to say no dear, tell your guy about the situation and change your locks. If he keeps disturbing you after telling him no, block him.
DeletePoster never talk true. Like what's so difficult in saying "no, don't come?"
ReplyDeleteBaffles me anyway. Not even a relative, family friend, abeg grow some guts.
She never talk true. Guy has ‘attempted to sleep and kiss’ her. Lol… Something is giving that guy moral and poster knows what it is.
DeleteThis gir no wise at all, I can't waste my advice on u, he's probably shaging you,and he will be the one to end your relationship
ReplyDeleteThey prolly were shaging before. It’s ok if she left that part out so she doesn’t get lambasted. His effrontery didn’t germinate outa no where.
DeleteWhy are u even painting the whole thing as if u own him tell him no, simple and short.
ReplyDelete...If your motives are clean and you just want to help, then you should instead speak with your boyfriend to help you accommodate this family friend in his house. ...so you camped a man in your house that your boyfriend pays half the rent for, and your boyfriend didn't know? At no point in your communication did you mention this to him...because?
ReplyDeleteIf you let this family friend stay in your house one more time, you're an enabler and it may not end well.
this how unwanted suffer head boyfriend starts, then pregnancy, then unwanted husband, where you end up being 120% the bread 🍞 🙃 winner of the concoction family you are about to create yourself. That won't end you go mad join, because everything 'll be like movie/ juju.
ReplyDeleteAunty open your mouth and take a good decision by saying a "Big No" to that lazy he-goat before he comes to your house .
Please if you can afford to give him 10k out of your sincere heart . Please change your locks expecially the entrance of your apartment. God bless you.
Exactly
DeleteSay No. if you can talk, text it
ReplyDelete