Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative...

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STAND ALONE NARRATIVE

AN UNSUCCESSFUL MARRIAGE


Please what is the definition of a successful marriage?

Is it to just stay married and be celebrating 20 years of marriage having just 2 good years in the 20 years? My marriage turned 9 years today and I'm wondering how I got here and what I'm still doing in this sham called marriage.

I was in love and felt my husband was too but I guess only the person in love knows they are in love, you can't vouch that the feeling is mutual. 

Problems started few months after the marriage, I got pregnant 3 months after the wedding. I got married as a virgin but that's not even relevant to this story. 

At 6 months he said I should move to another room. I got back after having our daughter and its been one problem after another. He still told me to maintain the room, he would complain about everything. He said I wake up late during maternity leave, I had a house help and a nanny, he would say I'm not doing chores. I pay the helps, but he wants me to be sweeping and all. 

I do the cooking myself and by the 2nd wedding anniversary the marriage was at a breaking point. No companionship, communication or s#x. My father in law was the bedrock of the marriage, always settling issues. He was the reason I stayed.

 Its like we have 3 good months and 3 years of fighting. I had developed HBP by 28, it wasn't just making sense. He would cheat unapologetically and all. I wanted out of the marriage but was advised against it. 

My husband is this passive aggressive person, he has a tiny voice so he would never shout, he would never be physical but the emotional torture is the worst. I will state my own faults as well which I've since worked on. 

We are both from very well to do hones and I have a very good job while he runs a successful business. I'm a Northerner and men provide for the home and I wasn't doing that at first but when my attention was drawn to it in the first year of marriage, I quickly made amends. Another thing I blame myself for, I was talking to him and his nonchalance and no response provoked me that I pulled his cloth, I've never been a violent person and he's not either because after that incident some men would have beaten very well. 

Realizing what happened, I quickly got on my knees and apologized and it never happened again. Thinking back now, some people can just bring out the worst in you and you do what we never thought we were capable of and anyone that hears will tag me as not respectful so I started walking on egg shells around him.

 Things remained awkward but got a little better and I got pregnant and had twins when our daughter was 4. Unfortunately, I lost my father inlaw when the twins were 6 months old. Since then, no one can talk to him and its been hell. 

I've just been thinking why he married me in the first place. I don't smell, I'm not fat, I'm not dirty. Yet he won't sleep with me and I kid you not, I can count how many times we have had s#x in 9 years. He won't eat at home and for a few years his business has taken him to another state so when there is peace, he comes home every month but when he's fighting he might not come home in 6 months. 

So what am I doing in the marriage? I can take care of myself and my children without financial assistance from him. My FIL that was keen on the marriage working is late and I'm terribly unhappy and see no point in this married in name only. I've begged, pleaded, cried, asked him how I've offended him and at this point, I don't want to go crazy.

If you hear the reason for fights sometimes, he came home and the kids toys are strewn about. I've told him, the house isn't dirty, there are nannies picking up after them and children play with a toy and neatly put it back when they want another one. First time I'm seeing a father complaining about his children. 

There was another time that he asked me to stop breastfeeding. I chose to do exclusive and its tasking, if I'm not complaining why is he especially when it's best for the children? Pardon my disjointed narrative, it's just the state of my mind.

*You need to work on your state of mind, dont let this get so much to you, there are kids to take care of....

You dont need to divorce but i suggest that you separate for sometime to see if it will get better or not.. Move out and get somewhere else that he wont have access to visit as he wants...

If your moving out does not make things better or your moving out makes you happy and gives you peace of mind, you know what to do thereafter.....

I am so sorry that you are going thru this....