Chronicle Of Blog Visitor Narrative - UPDATE.

Na wah oh....

Hey Stella,


I'm the BV that commented a year+ ago that my husband called me a whore and then later that I was healing from the physical assault that resulted in months of physical therapy and my decision to divorce him. 

Well, after a long and horrible year, we have finally reached a divorce settlement. This man, hid who he really was from me and my family for years before we got married and then during the marriage, often gaslighting me to the point that I questioned whether certain things truly happened the way that I remembered. His true self came out during the marriage. 

Constant put downs, emotional abuse, and then physical abuse. I ran from one counselor to another and from one priest to another, including the priest who married us. Nothing seemed to work. He never wanted to put in the consistent work to salvage our marriage. I wasn't a perfect wife, but I tried for him and truly gave it my all. He wasn't willing to prioritize the family that we created (leave and cleave) and couldn't protect or love me as a husband should. 

Anyways, the physical abuse was the last straw for me. During our separation even more of his dark and twisted colors started to surface. He did so many terrible things to me AND TO OUR CHILD that I couldn't believe that I married such a person. 

There were no red flags before marriage (Nigerians like to ask about this), except for his enmeshment with his family of origin. Long story short, I was able to prove to the court that he was unfit to have 50% custody of our child. When he realized that he wouldn't get that, he started to focus on the money. From the beginning, I told my lawyer that I wouldn't fight him over money (guess I'm not the gold-digger his family accused me of being).

 In the marriage he tried using financial intimidation to try to control me, so I knew that he wouldn't budge much on money. I just wanted primary custody of my child and I got it. He got to keep most of his money, including money he stole from my account. I didn't care. I am a well-educated woman and will be more than able to provide for my child whether he decides to contribute or not. In the end, he was so angry about things. 

He even tried to fight over paying me for extracurricular activities for our child. This is a man who brings in more than $20K monthly, arguing over $200 dance classes for his child. My eyes had never been more open to the wickedness of man. It was a terrible experience but I am happy that I have my daughter majority of the time. I'm happy that he is no longer legally my husband (will work on the annulment in the Church early next year). 

Having peace is priceless. He can keep his money. My child is priceless.

Moving forward, I just want to focus on my child's total wellbeing, my career, and my health. I'm not bitter about the end of my marriage. I loved him sincerely and still love him, not only as the father of my child but also as a child of God, and I have comfort in knowing that I tried my best.

 I realize now that he has some sort of mental illness that has been left undiagnosed by professionals and unaccepted by him. I pray for him daily and I hope that he gets the help that he needs to be a good father to our child and a better husband to his future wife. I know that he will remarry quickly and I pray that whoever the woman is treats my child well. That's all that I can hope for. For myself, I pray for complete healing of my heart and, if it is God's will, for a man who will love and value me and who would be a great step-dad to my child. 

Again, divorce won't break me. I will take the necessary time to heal. I have a great support system of family and friends. There's better in store for me. I thank God that I am free from him. I just pray that he complies with the terms of our agreement without any drama.

Congrats on your new status and having your Kid with you.... I am sure love will find you again.