BREAKUP TIPS NEEDED URGENTLY
I don't know how to break up with my boyfriend.
....So we started dating February 2022, before then he was so serious that he wasn't getting younger that we need to know ourselves and there's no time to waste. I was 31 while he was 36.
We kicked off February and all of a sudden he stopped talking about marriage, no more seriousness of settling down and I was surprised but acted calm. He is nice and we flow very well but no more marriage talk like before.
January this year, I told him I wanted to quit my job and open a shop, I stay in Awka while he lives in Lagos, so I expected him not to support the idea of me opening a shop here in Awka but he told me its a good idea. Meaning he has no intention of settling down soon or maybe not with me.
He visits me once in a month or I do the visiting so on February 1st, exactly 1yr that we started dating, he came around and while we were talking he said I should keep an open mind because I don't know what God wants for me but if God says we will end up together fine". In my mind I'm like oh, after 1yr you still don't know if God wants us to end up together. I kept my cool but decided to be open minded as he advised.
So my university mate that has been asking me to marry him since Christmas that we met, I never gave him chance because I thought I was in a serious relationship.
So my university mate that has been asking me to marry him since Christmas that we met, I never gave him chance because I thought I was in a serious relationship.
He chatted me up on Valentine's Day and since then things has been going on smoothly. Last month I went to Abuja to visit him and things are okay with him.
He lives well, and proposed with a ring which I refused to collect and told him I needed to pray more.
I came back and I'm not so proud to say I've been talking to him and my boyfriend.
We plan to have our introduction, bride price and registry next week but I'm yet to break up with my boyfriend.
Stella please help me and post.
I came back and I'm not so proud to say I've been talking to him and my boyfriend.
We plan to have our introduction, bride price and registry next week but I'm yet to break up with my boyfriend.
Stella please help me and post.
Hmmm, this is tough.....
Have you done all the necessary tests with your new guy?...
Please eh, if you break up with him he might pay you an unexpected visit and see what is going on and claim he was almost going to propose to you..
Just dont tell him anything and go ahead and marry and move to Abuja, you can ghost him or tell him then and then block him.
Men do this all the time and dont bother breaking up first.....
My sister you took his advice and kept an open mind and God did it. What else? Biko move ahead ahead, and marry your guy, as SDK said, confirm every every first sha before you proceed.
ReplyDeleteGood luck and congratulations in advance!
The best is to close out, you start by reducing calls, responses to calls/text, then finally tell him to give you time to think through this, that things are not going the way you expect, that you both should give it a break, if he finds another person he should marry them and if you find, you will move on. Please close this out as your current husband may not be happy if he knows you were double dating, you will loss his trust and that is bad for any relationship. This first man may get jealous or act up to prove you were double dating. So close this out and go on clean plate to your altar. God's grace,
DeleteImmediately you started talking to your university mate was the best time to call it off with your boyfriend. What you did was like stringing two men along at the same time. Now that you are certain of marrying your uni friend, kindly write your boyfriend and let him know you have decided to move on. Don't make the mistake of going to see him face to face. Let him know the truth so he doesn't think you were cheating on him while still in the relationship with him. Remind him about his words on being open minded. I know he will deny it and say that was never what he meant but he is a time waster. Make sure you and your new man are compatible health wise and all. Good luck to you.
ReplyDeleteOga string finder, de play o!
DeleteIt’s not stringing cause dude said keep an open mind
DeleteThis is what noncomittment means
Men who can confidently talk about marriage are the ones that are financially ready at the time.
ReplyDeleteMaybe he isn't ready anymore the reason he stopped talking about it.
Secondly, telling you to be opened as to what God have in mind for you is the greenlight he gave you that he's not ready for you and likely will not marry you. That statement is a red flag on its own depicting him not being serious and a time waster.
If you truly love the new man, go ahead. After all, he told you to open your mind to what God have in stock for you.
Nah
DeleteMen do that to lock you in then start acting like na you bring yourself come beg them
People do this even in business
They talk good talk and once time to bring money comes, they hesitate
Dear Poster,
ReplyDeleteIt is well. Make sure you have prayed about it. Break up with this former man first before doing anything marriage please.
This is to avoid accusations, and hearsays and also because it is the right thing to do.
Congratulations for having a cool head on your shoulders.
Don't forget what Stella said about tests and all premarital counselling.
Mind how you post on social media as well. Invite those you want for the event personally and dont do paparazzi online.
She said she is getting married next week, and you are telling her to make sure she does tests and gets marriage counselling? LOL.
DeleteAt some health facilties they will tell you to come for your results in 3 to 5 days! With HIV screening, they will tell you to come back again after 3 months to make sure that the initial result is accurate. Bearing this in mind, by the time of their wedding, she won't even know his full health status! 🙃🫣😬
How much adequate marriage counselling can she/they get in under a week?
@Wendixx, your advice and that of the red pen, are going to ensure that this poster's middle name changes to "tears"! And not tears of joy...
@SMH On the contrary, it will help her to save future tears.
DeleteIt is well. May God help her.
You didn’t mention being in love with any of these guys. I’m sensing you are just desperate to marry and not putting all factors into consideration
ReplyDeleteNot everyone must be gushing in love
DeleteSaw right through it. Poster this. Do you love these guys
DeleteJust tell him your life is moving in a different direction and the relationship no longer serves any purpose and is actually a burden you want off your shoulders.. Wish him well for his future and face front. He is not serious, and is wishy washy, there was nothing interesting about the this that is woth fightibg for. You will be doing both of you a favour. Be prepared for his antics when you break up, he will likely suddenly become everything he promised, but let him go. He is just a man full of empty promises. I know his type, complete time wasters and they are usually not even goodlooking or financially stable. Mtsscchhwww
ReplyDeleteThat is a very insensitive thing to say. ‘ Just tell him your life is moving in a different direction and the relationship no longer serves any purpose and is actually a burden you want off your shoulders…’
DeletePlease change your mean/selfish mindset.
Awon: ‘feminist’ , ‘I am a Queen’ ,‘I am the prize’
16:16, But this is just a one year boyfriend that she sees once a month and who lives in a different city, why make it more than it is. Please stop oversentimentalizing bullshit, they are practically strangers, why should she be sweet? This has nothing to do with feminism, the poster asked how she should break it off and I gave my 2cents based on the details provided. There is nothing there for any long drawn out thoughtful and sensitive breakup, a clean surgical cut is what is required with no looking back.
DeleteFor you to send this means that your conscience is still intact and has been sending you several signals.
ReplyDeleteIf the tables were turned, we would cry blue murder. please do not start a new phase this way. kindly do the right thing by disengaging from your Lagos boyfriend. he will definitely apportion you some form of blame.
congratulations on your union
Wow Bad Ass advice from Stella 😎 Poster congratulations however be sure this new guy is the real deal and not a case of pepper dem style....Please pray and be sure....Look you are not cheating so you are free to have options until you settle with the one who shows commitment......Since the next week, complete all the processes then tell him ''You said I should have open mind, see wetin the open mind don land for me, ok bye bye Doooh'' then just move on and block him....Enjoy your life
ReplyDeleteStella thanks for posting 🙏
ReplyDeleteWe did only blood group and HIV, everything is perfect
Poster
Hepatitis b and c nko
DeleteGenotype pls
Delete15:27 lolll only HIV and Blood Group???? Lolll you never ready.
DeleteYour joy will be complete
DeleteWhy are you such in a rush jeezzzzz. Pump your brakes lady and chill out and breathe for a minute. Abi no be another naija guy you dey marry? Especially the Abuja men hmmm. You better relax, break it off properly with your bf, take alll necessary blood tests especially genotype. Blood group is different from genotype! It is very important you take these tests. Don’t bring a child that will come & suffer because of your damn desperation!! And get marital counseling because marriage is no child’s play. You’ll see for yourself naw and you’ll remember our comments in your chronicle. Good luck ooo because you’ll need it. Sha check properly to make sure he’s not on the down low. Hear a lot about Abuja men (not all though so I won’t generalize). Don’t forget to pray pray and pray about this.
DeleteWhat she meant by blood group is the genotype test. It’s what most Nigerians call it.
DeleteYes ooo the fact that he is rushing so much is a red flag. What is the rush to marry next week?. This will end in tears
DeleteYou and this new guy really moved fast o. Well, you still need to let the other guy know you're already logged out of the relationship
ReplyDeleteNever knew breaking up with someone could be hard to the point that they need break up tips. Are you kidding? Just do your thing, he'd get the memo, it would surprise you that he wouldn't bat an eyelid.
ReplyDeleteI would say ,now is the right time to tell him, you have move on, according to your advice. So you wont be painted as a bad person, or giving him any encouragement. Wish you the best.
ReplyDeleteIf your boyfriend did that to you, would you have been glad? I know Most Men do this all the time, which doesn't make it right. Immediately, you accepted to marry the second guy, whether he was serious or not, you would have broken things off with him.
ReplyDeleteJust text him, let him know that you kept an open mind, as he said, and here you're. But, what you did is bad tho. He wouldn't have married you anyways, but still, you would have done the right thing
You got reacquainted with this "new" guy at Christmas (just 3+ months ago); started talking to him over Valentine's Day (6-7 weeks ago); and next week, you will be traditionally and legally married to him!!!
ReplyDeleteYour desperation STINKS!!!
Being in your early 30s and unmarried, is not the end of the world!
You haven't mentioned having feelings for this new guy! You said he lives well, but how so you know everything you went to see is real? What if he had gone to set up at someone's home and was pretending it was his place?
Because he mentioned marriage and you saw a ring...all common sense went out of the window!!
Just because you knew him from your university days, doesn't mean anything. That was clearly over a decade ago, and people change - sometimes for the best...but sometimes, for the worst!
Can you confidently say you know enough about this man, presently, to fully commit to a lifetime with him? Do you know his temperament? Do you know his full financial standing? His emotional capacity? His mental wellbeing? Have you met his immediate family? Do you know his health status? What are his values? What are his views on the world and the situations that can arise, unexpectedly? What are his expectations of marriage? Most importantly, is he someone that loves you unconditionally and will stand by you no matter what?
Take your time! You are rushing!! You don't have to date someone for several years before marriage...but you are clearly running before you can crawl and walk, with this new-ish guy!
Thank you.
DeleteHow is it you are different?
That was the question an Equitorean Guinean asked my female relative once when she found out by accident she is Nigerian after a long period of relating with her.
Of course, I know the answer to my questions
@smh why are you so interested in negative part of this? I was asked by my church to go for hiv,blood group and pregnancy test just few days to my wedding and they all came out before the D day so what’s your problem? A guy just wasted her 1yr plus and you want her to waste more years dating so she won’t look desperate to you. she said he’s her university mate meaning she knew him and how are you so sure she graduated over 10 years ago? If you think he must have changed after school, what’s your guarantee people don’t change even after long courtship and marriage?? Why are you so negative?? Is she a child that she doesn’t know if she loves him enough or not? So dating him for more 10yrs is the only way she will know if his living well is staged?? She stated it clearly that the guy has been asking for her hand in marriage since December but because of her boyfriend she refused to give him chance so why did you say she saw ring and “all common sense flew? A serious person doesn’t need to date you for long before he wife you.
DeleteFan Emmanuel
WOW!!!!
DeleteThis is a great point well detailed.
Thanks for this advice to poster.
WOW!!!!
DeleteThis is a great point well detailed.
Thanks for this advice to poster.
Poster please don't take this advice.
DeleteJust do your due diligence about the man and settle down biko. No fun in waiting till you are old and gray before getting married.
At SMH 15:36, you are a very bitter person and not knowledgeable at all.
DeleteWhy must you associate long time dating as a criteria to getting married?
Me for one, can't date any guy for more than 1 year, what are we getting to know, when we are living in sin???
Please if you want to date people for 10 years before marrying them that should be on YOU.
I have made this known to any guy that come to me, not entertaining time wasters no more.
And so you know, there are no rules to these things. Pray about and if convinced, go ahead or abort.
At SMH 15:36, you are a very bitter person and not knowledgeable at all.
DeleteWhy must you associate long time dating as a criteria to getting married?
Me for one, can't date any guy for more than 1 year, what are we getting to know, when we are living in sin???
Please if you want to date people for 10 years before marrying them that should be on YOU.
I have made this known to any guy that come to me, not entertaining time wasters no more.
And so you know, there are no rules to these things. Pray about and if convinced, go ahead or abort.
@Fan and anon 17.22... you will still be the same BVs to quote, "people who rush into marriage, rush out of marriage".
DeleteYou people love to say that not every relationship must lead to marriage, yet the moment a woman mentions dating for a year without a ring...then it's equated to the man wasting her time!
Telling someone to take her time, and ask/find out pertinent info about a prospective spouse, before jumping into a lifelong commitment, will never be wrong (or negative) advice!
SMH leave them naw. Let them keep talking nonsense. Don’t even worry yourself. You won’t be the one in the marriage suffering and smiling. I wrote my comment up there before seeing yours self. This poster is Desperate period. Na she sabi though. Her eyes will clear like crystal light. I completely agree with your comments especially they don’t even live in the same city to see each other often. How the hell would she know everything about him even if it’s for a short period of time??? . Na wa oooo. No wonder why we have so many broken marriages!!!
DeleteCongratulations poster...you don't need to officially break up with him,just ghost him,block him everywhere and face front
ReplyDeleteAbi o
DeleteMen do this all the time so what’s new?
Anytime you people want to give rubbish advice, you'll back it up with men do it all the time..
DeleteWhich men?
It's definitely likes attracting likes.. it's the kind of men you attract.. cos I don't just ghost people..
I communicate whatever I have in mind whether it's bitter or sweet and move.. that's maturity and common sense..
Not doing something like a toddler, blocking someone without telling him/her why and leaving them wondering and worried about what they did wrong..
I knew this poster was childish like many of you here when instead of outrightly asking the guy what's on her mind, she was telling him she wants to open a shop hoping he'll refuse.. how many men would refuse a woman opening a business she wants to in this time of feminism, when e no go hard them to call you out and drag all her feminist friends to come and insult you for refusing her opening her shop..
All of you are not serious
If I were you I will ghost him and that's on period..why should he tell you to have an open mind while you guys are together? Baba no serious.. Congratulations sis,I pray for God's blessings upon your marriage (amen)
DeleteLet me just say this.
ReplyDeleteIn the days of our parents, a lady had several options and only settled for the one she chose/ the one that proposed.
These generation will allow one man string them along for years and later dump them.
PS: having multiple options doesn’t mean sleeping with them. ✌🏽
Tell this to smh
DeleteFan Emmanuel
Gbam! It's always good to have a spare tyre
DeletePoster i will say do not tell him anything till you are married, just post your wedding pictures on your status and allow him to figure that out. If he talks anyhow or wants to blackmail you just block and face your marriage.
ReplyDeleteYou cannot be dating someone who is not ready to let you go or marry you, thank God you kept an open mind and accepted the person that God brought to you. When he ask you just repeat what he told you and block him.
Congratulations to you and your boo.
You people are very wicked..
DeleteYou don't think logically, you all just have one way of thinking, if it's you a guy does this for, a guy you were dating, even if you weren't ready for marriage, you just woke up and saw his wedding pix everywhere and then you chat him up and he blocks you, hope you'll be happy..
You people hate men so much, I wonder why you get married, I'll come here everyday to point out this bitterness and hatred, you'll say I'm a woman hater..
That chronicle guy poster was right about most of you
Dante most women marry to tick Mrs. register and give birth. Once they birth and divorce mistakenly happens, they don't even care about marriage again.
DeleteCongrats
ReplyDeleteCall him and tell him
It’s not good if he finds out another way
Move on with this second guy that is ready to marry you next week, just reduce communication with the first guy
ReplyDeleteNaso my man of 3yrs dey play wey another man come marry me under one month of meeting him, we are now 17yrs in marriage
Man wey ready for marriage no dey do too much long talk
@SMH 15:36, come and read this o!
DeleteMen do this alllllll the time. Why do you need guidelines and policy documents on how to face front.
ReplyDeleteSomeone roped you in with the marriage talk,
after 1 year of nyanshing, e don belleful and stylishly brought up the tactic 149 on the wayo man blue print and said 'ehn lerrus see what God has for us, keep an opunmaindo!!! Is he a toddler in adult flesh thinking he is talking to a fellow toddler?
Maybe so.
Almost 40 year old behaving like tata.
You had better delete that nikka.
Whether you follow the new guy is up to you.
My own is don't spend an extra milli second on time wasters. Tueh!
I don't think that your guy is even interested in the union again. You will be surprised that if he knows about you getting married that he will wouldn't care
DeleteMr keep mind open might even be relieved sef
DeleteA lot of people dump their ex and marry the new guy out of impatience.
ReplyDeleteI am not saying you should continue with the old boyfriend but date this new guy , court him, give it time. Go through seasons with him. Rainy season, dry season and harmattan. Learn him as you should.
I don't want a situation you marry the new guy and start wishing for your EX.
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Madam OP. Please I beg you... Make sure and be sure about your boyfriend in Lagos intention towards you. I assure you, if he as much as gets a whiff that someone else wants to marry you, he will propose straight up! I know you love mr lagos. However, ascertain his true feelings for you. Or be FUCKING WOMAN ENOUGH and call it off with him! No man has the right to waste your time. Neither do you have the right to be stringing two men along. You are also a problem here. Define what you want and go for it! Stop playing with Mr. Abuja emotions.
ReplyDeleteBut this mr Abuja proposal and your wedding date is too close for comfort o,mr Abuja could be a rebound for you,i suggest you take your time and be certain about your feelings for Mr Abuja and his own feelings for you before getting married to him. Goodluck
ReplyDeleteI met my husband in July and married him in October. It's been a beautiful experience. This is our 6 years and I am still loving it. Poster please do all the necessary tests and mary him ASAP.
ReplyDeleteI think our concern is, they don’t live in the Same state and see often to really see if they’re compatible. I guess they’ll figure it out in marriage.🤷🏽♀️
DeleteLong courtship sometimes leads to see finish which in turn leads to break up, e be like say the Lagos guy discover something about you and growing cold feet .if I were you I will marry the Abuja guy.
ReplyDeleteForget all these you are desperate talk man must talk ,if you miss the Abuja guy and the Lagos guy later dump you they will still blame you for dating a man for more than six months at your age.
If I were you again I will not break up with him officially I will just ghost him
It is not necessary to informing him, he must have kept you as an option while having other relationship. If he truly stated that you should keep an open mind regarding what God has in store for you. If you and your classmate are certain about each other and ready for marriage, it is advisable to cut ties, block him and move on. Generally people who are genuinely interested in a relationship tend not keep their options open, but instead, work to make the relationship flourish and progress to the next level. I wish you all the best.
ReplyDeleteAs a woman, one thing I have learned is that men marry when they're ready and not a moment sooner (for the most part). They marry whomever is available when they are ready. Emotions or lovey-dovey feelings hardly factor in when they're choosing a wife. Poster, the first man in your story is either not ready to marry you or he just doesn't want to marry you. Whatever the case is, when he told you to keep an open mind, it was an indirect way of telling you he would be okay with you moving on. While you may feel like you don't owe him anything, for posterity sake, just tell him you have moved on. You don't have to mention that you're marrying someone else because frankly, it's not his business. But for the sake of what you both once shared, just let him know.
ReplyDeleteJust my two cents.
Poster, my advice to you in this situation is that you do unto others what you want others to do to you.
ReplyDeletePoster that your bf is a time waster.
ReplyDeleteGhost him, don't give him any info about the new guy and the marriage plan, don't even break up, let the whole thing die a natural death.
You will see if you stop contacting him he will not bother contacting you.