My next door neighbour works in a private company some kilometers away while his wife is a full time housewife tending to their three kids.
Recently, they bought a new car and we all rejoiced with them.
One beautiful morning, around 6:am, we heard shouts from their flat , very unusual, they were a peaceful family. We rushed there and they were almost at the verge of exchanging hot blows.The bone of contention was the new car.
Husband had been driving the car to work, claiming that it was usually tedious getting transport back to the house in the evenings after close of work, he used to come back home between 9pm-10pm after leaving work by 6:p. This denied him of the rest he deserved after a hard day's job, leaving him weak and stressed the following day.
His wife on the other hand hid the car keys, said she needs the car to do school run, market run, church run, etc. She said it is risky and stressful taking the kids to and fro school on bike and tricycle.
In the end, we settled it by advising them to change the kids school to one closer to home. A school that is trekkable. We begged madam to bear it till they can afford to buy another car. Husband quicky replied that they were not buying another car soon as his next project is how to develop his land and stop paying house rent. Wife burst into tears. Wahala!
We settled it last last.
I dont think a car should be a bone of contention in a home.. such would never happen in mine....
We settled it alright but i wonder what some of you would have advised the woman to do.....
Marriage is not easy at all and little things that will shock you can lead to a 20 year marriage breaking up!
Madam did not apply wisdom.
ReplyDeleteThey should have made timetable on days each person will use the car.
Madam has been taking the children to school before they bought a car. She can arrange for The Keke driver for school runs.
Her husband desires a car and purchased it to make the family comfortable. He should have first right of comfort to continue working and providing for the family.
Mobility is important. The fact the wife cried indicates she has need for the car too to alleviate the stress she may be going through. People usually underestimate the stress a stay at home mom can go through.
DeleteAnd what do you mean by I wonder what some of you would have advised the woman to do? Sounds somehow. I hope you are not one of those perpetuating the gender war on here? Don't spoil a good story with unnecessary sentiments.
Immediately we got married, my hubby gave me his car and would use public transport to work while I stayed home to use it. If I wasn’t going out, I could borrow him, especially during my maternity leave. But as soon as I bought my car, he returned to using his car fully.
DeleteIt funny how the husband chose his comfort over the lives of his entire household. How do you advice someone to put his kids inside “keke” those very dangerous things so he can be comfortable.
DeleteThen what exactly abi who exactly are you working for.
If something happens to his entire family, what would he say?
He can even drop the kids off on his way to work, use his lunch break and bring them home.
So the wife should continue suffering until end of the term to change her childrens school? Ok o
Push up (original)
I kuku know my husband, na my lack of driving license dey make am still dey drive the car like say na him get am.
ReplyDeleteIn this life, marry an intentional spouse. Y’all didn’t even tell them to try and split the days of using the car, as usual, the woman should be the one to compromise. I bet if they had agreed to use the cars on different days to ease the stress of both parties, the woman won’t have burst into tears.
Like I always say, women, pls marry a man that will always prioritize your happiness and comfort. Pls do. Even if the school is close, market, church, errands etc nko? With 3 kids fa.
Awon quarrel settlers nowangbe
Truly, people don't know how stressful it is when taking the kids to places
DeleteGuy can take a cab via taxi hailing app, sometimes wifey can do the same.
ReplyDeleteThis is just common sense! Share!
DeleteDoes the husband allow the wife use the car over the weekend? if not I think he's not considerate at all. The man sef no get better talk for mouth, at least try to pacify your wife, make her see the OBVIOUS reasons why she may not be able to use it during the week, now that you have told her to her face in the presence of the neighbors that your next line of action is developing your land, which of course is a good one , I hope and pray she doesn't resent you.
ReplyDeleteMost couple I know that have just a car, it's wifey that uses the car MOST of the time.
ReplyDeleteMaybe new car still dey sweet oga
You see school runs without a car? I decided to help my sister for just a week, I told her to discuss it with a keke to come pick me, to go pick her child. Kilode. Only one oh, imagine 3 of them. Getting a keke, that comes pick her up and she pick up the kids is less stressful.
ReplyDeleteAlot dey sele...Car wahala again...oga should be considerate
ReplyDeleteCar wahala no be here. A new car should change the family’s quality of life, not just the husband alone. Everybody should get a chance to enjoy it. Husband could do market runs on his lunch break or let the wife use it on the weekends. How can car be at home and the wife is expected to hop a bike for every errand same way.
ReplyDeleteI have a neighbor who gives the wife his car for school run,they have two kids.he orders Uber to and fro office while his kids and wife uses the car.the only time you find the husband driving the car is only on Sundays when he takes the family to church.
ReplyDeleteIt depends on an individual's exposure.you can't have a car, drive to and fro work daily and watch your innocent little angels taking bikes to school.even if the school is close to the house,you should sometimes leave the car for your kid's comfort.
Like
DeleteI am still shocked
The “Igbo provider” in my husband can never 🤣
Push up (original)
That husband is very selfish and those "settlers" didn't do anything 🤦♀️
DeleteI understand the woman's pain. Imagine seeing a car in my house after all this stress I have been passing through. Remember how I shared about a Keke versus okada accident recently? I won't even allow hubby to touch it for weeks.
ReplyDeleteThey should dialogue, dialogue and communication, sacrifices and wisdom will make them pull through.
This matter is quite dicey, husband needs the car to go to work easily and make more money to pay bills, he too needs to be comfortable while making the money, if he dies, that woman cannot maintain that car, it will be sold to solve one or two and the children will continue to jump keke.
ReplyDeleteThe man shld beg the woman to understand him, maybe pay for school bus or private keke for the children, madam gets to drive the car to market or other places on saturdays and sundays.
To make money is not easy atall, to spend it hmmmm na another war of the mind
To take care of the home heeeeeh that one is the hardest. It seems easy but it's very tedious.
Both of them shld understand each other.
The children will trek, hopefully, to a good school so Daddy can be comfortable making his money and developing his land and Mommy can continue to sort herself out with her full time 24/7 unpaid job that is definitely not as stressful as Daddy's white collar 9-5 which thankfully does not include 24 hour shifts. They have settled the matter.
DeletePaprika oil dey ya head. Best comment.
DeleteThey should pay for a school bus to pick up and drop off the kids. Weekends, husband should allow the wife use the car for market run and other things.
Those blaming the man failed to see how he gets tired and all after the day's job as a result of no car.
Oh the sarcasm 😂
DeleteNa so my hubby refused to teach me or pay for me to learn, the painful thing is most times, he leaves the car at home cos of traffic.
ReplyDeleteI taught myself driving since it's automatic, I was using "L", saved money from home expenses and did my driver's license. I remembered one day, he was sick, after the injection, the doctor told him, he can't drive himself, hope i can drive? He was ashamed to admit i can drive.
On our way, the effects of the injection was dealing with him ,he just parked with his strength and screamed my name to drive, it was a situation, changing seats with him,
And driving us home.
Since then, he is now advising even your 18 year old should be driving once there's a car at home
I hope to buy my own with my money now I am working wetin I faced, hmmm
Some men intentionally refuse to empower their wives in their bid to maintain control. They don't know that empowering your wife is empowering yourself because you as a man cannot do it all, and usually the empowered woman makes sure that the family is well taken care of, ideally.
DeleteThe man is selfish! The woman needs the car most for the convenience of taking the kids around.
ReplyDeleteThe Man supposed apply common sense knowing how tedious school runs with three kids are, plus market, church and so on, nawaa for some people shaa
ReplyDeleteI'm a woman but I support the husband. It's his car. He worked for it and has earned the right to drive it. Do you have any idea how stressful it is to use public transportation after a hard day's work? It should be his choice whether or not to give it to the wife.
ReplyDeleteSome of you supporting the wife have no idea what it means to save up or be repaying loan to buy a car when you have family responsibilities. Imagine fighting the man over car that he bought! If madam is angry, let her go and work to buy her car.
And don't give me that bullshit that "she's a housewife, housewife job is hard" when there are working women who do all that a housewife does plus secular work.
Before you shout on my head, if tables were turned i.e. the woman bought the car and the man is insisting he drives it because he needs it more, you all would abuse the man.
In my opinion, the wife is foolish to fight her husband over the car. If the marriage scatter, na she go suffer am pass.
Well the wife is hurt. If she is foolish because she is hurt, if she doesn't deserve to share her husband's property because she is a stay at home mom, na you sabi.
DeleteThis one will be a mother in law someday sha 🤮
DeleteNo one said she doesn't deserve to share her husband's property because she's a stay at home mum. But it is unreasonable to fight the man over the car u to the point that neighbours had to intervene! It should be the man's decision to give her the car, not her fighting over it. You women tend to underplay the role a man who is solely financially responsible for the family as if he's flexing when he's working. If you stay at home mum become solely financially responsible for your homes, majority of you will lash out and not be able to cope.
DeleteRead this comment and then be determined to THINK, DATE MARRY, BEFRIEND, ASSOCIATE RIGHT. A o ni seru aye o🙏🏾
DeleteNa wa ooo
DeleteI'm shocked at your comments!! It's HIS car, it's HIS money??? Shouldn't it's be THEIR money and car? And being a housewife is not work???!!! To have a mother-in-law or sister inlaw like you would be HELL!
DeleteBoth husband and wife needs the car.
ReplyDeleteAnd if this woman is reasonable it shouldn't cause dem fight.
She should let sleeping dogs lay as long as he drops money always for transportation and takes care of the house.
Na wa o this thing no reach to cause fight sha. She should support her husband in developing their land so that can become landlord soon.
So they can bury her stressed dead body near the soak away of the house abi?
Delete18:16, she can pay to get most things done in the house including paying for a ride to pick up and drop the children. She can put them in a school that has school bus and pay others to do the house work including market run.
DeleteIf she can pay, as you say, I think she would have bought her own car to help herself since. She seems desperately in need of one.
DeleteIt's now that there is a car that stress wants to kill her. Do you know the stress most people go thru in their offices?
DeleteHmmmmmm. The woman should allow the man to use the car
ReplyDeleteLooking at this issue as a woman, I'm of the opinion that the woman overreacted. It ought to be an amicable discussion with an understandable resolution. Yes the man needs the car more for economic reasons, the wife's needs are closer to home (maybe except for the market runs which could be any market other than the one within their community).
ReplyDeleteThey could have explored other healthy options for the two primary needs, other than confrontation:
1. As stated by many, have two regular keke to come pick the woman and the children to and from school. And book uber or bolt for market runs (since it's often not an everyday thing).
2. Or use uber for both runs. While one is everyday the others isn’t always.
That's because the husband could even be making small change to top up the fuel in car daily, by picking up passengers on his way to and from work.
And yes, a second need not be their priority. Cutting off rent ought to be. That's an extra saved for better family use.
Perhaps the man could have used better words to assuage and reassure his wife's expectations, instead descending to fighting and deflating her hope.
They can even change the kids school to one with school bus.
DeleteYou guys didn't do well, the woman should be with the car cos of school runs. If anything happens one day during school runs what will the man say? He should have left the car for madam not because of her need but because of the children.
ReplyDeleteThey should balance it or pay for school bus so that madam can have time to do other things.
There are schools with school buses
DeleteWhat some men goes through to put a meal, rent and clothing is not a small thing. Ordinary i would let my family use the car, but in this case? The husband have the right of fist rejection. My wife will definitely want me to use the to make more money. And some men reasons like women and some women reasons like men. In this situation? Both the wife and the husband are reasoning like a TYPICAL WOMAN.
DeleteThe best thing is to sell that car causing confusion in the home. When they have enough money to buy two cars, that is the right time to have a car.
ReplyDelete