THE HUSBAND CHOSEN BY GOD
AND THE HUSBAND CHOSEN BY PASTOR
Hi Stella,
Please, I need advice:
I have a 'brother' and God revealed to me that he is my husband, this happened when we were still in school, he was like 2 classes above me, we do talk but not intimately, since then I was praying to God to open his eyes or reveal same to him, one thing I did was, I never threw myself at him.
He graduated, finished his Nysc and got a job, still he didn't make move towards me, now I've also graduated.
Last year (2022), another brother approached me, asking for my hand in marriage, he's a good guy, but I like the other brother more, coupled with the revelation I had, therefore I asked him to give me time to pray, since July 2022 I didn't give him reply though he kept requesting such from me, so in march 2023, I discussed with my mentor, and after some prayer and considerations, I was counselled to tell him yes.
On 13th of may 2023, my introduction and payment of bride price was done and we are planning of having our wedding in September. But something strange happened, 2 weeks after the introduction...
Please, I need advice:
I have a 'brother' and God revealed to me that he is my husband, this happened when we were still in school, he was like 2 classes above me, we do talk but not intimately, since then I was praying to God to open his eyes or reveal same to him, one thing I did was, I never threw myself at him.
He graduated, finished his Nysc and got a job, still he didn't make move towards me, now I've also graduated.
Last year (2022), another brother approached me, asking for my hand in marriage, he's a good guy, but I like the other brother more, coupled with the revelation I had, therefore I asked him to give me time to pray, since July 2022 I didn't give him reply though he kept requesting such from me, so in march 2023, I discussed with my mentor, and after some prayer and considerations, I was counselled to tell him yes.
On 13th of may 2023, my introduction and payment of bride price was done and we are planning of having our wedding in September. But something strange happened, 2 weeks after the introduction...
The brother God revealed to me earlier called that he wants to see me, when we met, he told me that he's interested in me, that God had revealed to him that I'm his wife about 4 years ago, but he didn't want to tell me then, because he wasn't ready then and doesn't want to go into relationship when he's not ready to settle down, but now he's stable, he also took time to share his visions and purpose with me.
I couldn't hold my tears, and the truth is that deeply, I still love him even more than the other, he's almost all that I want in a man, we're more compatible both in purpose and ambition, I experience peace and feel at home when we were discussing.
Now I'm confused, I vowed never to break any body's heart and that was one of the reasons I didn't tell this other brother yes for months, but now I've said yes to him and my bride price is already paid, but my heart is with this brother that God revealed.....
Now I'm confused, I vowed never to break any body's heart and that was one of the reasons I didn't tell this other brother yes for months, but now I've said yes to him and my bride price is already paid, but my heart is with this brother that God revealed.....
Mscheeeeew!!!..... You see yourself? Pastor counselled you to Marry someone tjat you dont love? I dont have any advice for you at all...
Since you did not listen to God but man , then go back to the pastor to help you get out of the mess...
Those of you who run to Pastors to pray for you concerning choosing whom to marry, this will always be the case!
If you have not married yet,
ReplyDeleteBREAK IT NOW!!!. BREAK IT NOW!!!!
Return all you spent in the introduction to the family. You have to break hearts now, so you don't break your soul and mental health in the future.
Dear poster let me ask you a question, who chose the pastor's wife for him? Even God doesn't have a say in whom you choose, he will just give you peace when you bring the person to him.
DeleteBetter break it now and rest even though what you did was really muggy
DeleteHe is also not a serious guy, he got the revelation 4 years ago but waited until your wedding is around the corner to break the news to you, who even seeks to see an engaged woman.
Just break it off mostly because your heart isn’t there so you don’t end up cheating
Instead of your pastor to encourage you to speak to the one you love, being that it was a direction from God, instead he encouraged you wrongly
Push up (original)
So payment of bride price is no longer marriage.
DeleteEven Poster knows she is married already hence this chronicle.
This is the reason why some women who are married under the Act and in church with adult children still force or influence their husbands to pay their bride price.
Some us just find it convenient to twist all rules for ourselves only.
If Poster wants a divorce she should say so. But it would be counted for her that she had been married and divorced.
She is married now. Our custome recognises the bride price payment as marriage.
DeletePlease don't just breakup with the one that paid for you anyhow. Make sure you give detailed explanation so he will understand why you had to act that way. It will be very difficult for him to move on but with time he will understand your explanationns better. Make sure you return all the bride price he paid. If possible all the money he spent on you should be returned so he won't regret ever investing on you.
DeleteGod is not an author of confusion. When you prayed about the second guy, did you have peace?
DeleteI honestly feel it’s your flesh speaking with the first guy because what is all these confusion? God works with peace when directing his children. He doesn’t lead with confusion.
Poster the problem is that you are very indecisive. That is why you are here now, because you don't really want to take responsibility. Do you know that either way things can work out or fail, depending on how things go and all the actors involved? So the ball is in your court. If you are so sure the first guy is your beau, you gotta return the bride price. But like I said, who really knows what the future holds? Is there anything really wrong with your current husband?
Delete17:10 counter who sent you
DeleteShe hasn’t put pen to paper
Leave her alone
Dear Stella,
DeleteYour response is too too rash. She had waited over 6 years. What do you expect her to do? I can’t blame her for her subtleness either. Probably pride. She wanted to play her cards right. This wasn’t just any guy. It was her “future husband”.
I had a similar experience. I waited 9 years after my own revelation. During my wait, he married someone else. They’ve been married 6 years now. I kept praying n fasting. I was sure she stole my husband 😂 and tied him down with her juju and God would separate them and reveal her evil ways. For where? I don wait tire. In hindsight, I wasted too much time waiting. Sometimes, you just gotta grab a bull by the horn. Today, I’ve become a baby-mama for someone else as I’m over the hill now. So Stella don’t blame her for being impatient.
Now back to the advice. The yeye chosen one sef 🤦🏽♀️. He knew this information and didn’t react for a whole 4 years. Didn’t even give any inclination? Na wa oooo.
My advice, pray n fast over the current situation. Ask God for guidance. If you must break it off, do it as gently and humanely as possible. Then marry the chosen one very quietly with little fanfare.
Return the bride price ASAP. God is never a man. Tell your parents about everything. You no kee person.
DeleteGoodluck
Poster hope you know you’re a married woman now? Once your bride price is paid every other thing na just ceremony. If truly he’s your husband, he would have asked you to marry him before you got married. Let no one come and confuse you in your marriage oo.. How can he even open his mouth and ask a married woman to marry him. Na man dey do him fellow man
ReplyDeleteFan Emmanuel
Thank you Fan
DeleteFan for once I agree with you. Poster, you are a married woman! You should have just waited. Don't even try telling 🙄 this man nonsense. Tell the late brother you are married! What there superglue onhismouth before.That's how men behave, is because the person he had in mind disappointed him. Thank God you never told him , that God said he is your husband! You would have seen shege!
DeletePlease stay with this man and let him go and find his wife. Oniyeye. Now man dey love woman! This one you are with loves you more.
You would have told him off basically
ReplyDeleteWhy go with what your pastor said?
I don't even know what to say to you like right now
You having to follow your heart is not even possible again cause it's sorta late
How is this the pastors fault now
DeleteShe brought a man to him
He discussed the Maks attribute amd accepted what she already accepted
He didn’t tell her don’t go with what God told you
Nothing in her write up says she told him that
Unless there’s something really wrong with a guy, what else is your pastor supposed to say except agree with your stated desire to Marry him
I notice that many on this blog assume that “bride price” which from my interactions with my SE friends is “wine carrying” and is the real marriage is the SAME everywhere in Nigeria. In the part of Nigeria I come from she IS NOT married yet after traditional because they collect things like 20 cents and yam etc as symbolic “dowry” or “bride price”.
DeleteMajority of BVs assume SDK BVs are all of SE extraction. I married traditionally, legally and in church and only a few cents were collected during my engagement from the groom’s family. I wasn’t “married” until the church wedding which incorporated the legal paperwork! It was more about the partying/Owanbe, as they say where my parents are from “that we don’t sell our children” “we give them to be daughters elsewhere”. Poster if you are not from a culture where bride price is considered marriage, you are not married. I hope God leads you in your decision making.
00:54 bride price is marriage in all of the country
DeleteThe rest is just semantics
We have guys in America lying that they are not married cause they only did trad when they know that girl is in the family house waiting for them
00:54
DeleteBride price paid but not married?
So all couples from SW who did not wed in the church or marry at the registry are no married?
Please tell when was a woman deemed or regarded as married in your land (SW or elsewhere) before the church and the Marriage Act (which brought white weddings and Registry marriages respectively) got to your land?
Bride price is symbolic of marriage just as signing of church/statutory registers of marriage. They are all just evidence of the marriage solemnization. Marriage is the agreement between the couple. That is why in all free will marriages, the couples are asked if they agree to be married to their spouses.
Above all Poster knows she is married hence the chronicle.
@theIsokoman
P.S. Isoko is in Delta State, SS Nigeria
All the anons arguing that bride price is “marriage” are ignorant of 199 different Nigerian cultures. I am an older married Yoruba woman and they only took a symbolic ten naira equivalent on my engagement day. It was more about the partying and Owanbe than any bride price.
DeleteThe traditional wedding in Yorubaland is different from that of Igbos, I don’t know of Isokos & others. You can’t argue my experiential culture with me. I have lived it. If you like tell yourself you are a wife just because they did Yoruba engagement party with no church or court for you, you are on your own. The man will marry in church and legally and nobody will tell you to find your own man. All the noise about bride price, don’t they marry Caucasians? Fo they pay money to parents of Caucasians? I know the ones I’m familiar with will be outraged at the mercantile implication.
Why do some aggressively try to foist their culture on others. I said they don’t pay bride price where I come from some folks are arguing it, we were four girls and my parents collected no money from anyone. The N10 equivalent back in the olden days I was told was just symbolic. Ladies, pls don’t marry a Yoruba man with just traditional o! My Igbo friends moved here as soon as they did wine carrying and their bride price was paid because it’s considered marriage in their place. Nigeria is not one ethnic group or two but 200!
Anon 08:03, if you only do traditional with a Yoruba man (IDANA), notice I didn’t call it bride price, and you don’t go to court you will be called “Iyawo” like 5 or 10 others can be called Iyawo while in the deceiving yourself as the man can bring his legal wife anytime. The Yoruba family will support him & convert you to a concubine.
DeleteI’m simply saying traditional engagement ceremony in Yoruba is not the kneeling down to give a ring, not the payment of N1m or more price or opening of businesses for the bride’s family etc. it’s called “idana” where more members of the two families meet (than the few during introduction) but it’s not yet legal so we typically do 4 ceremonies to legalize a wedding in Yorubaland (introduction, engagement, court, church). Some churches are state licensed but still request the government county notice & paperwork. We don’t call it “bride price”.
Cultural Lingua like “bride price”, omugwo (taking care of your grandchild) with the financial expectations are Igbo and not Yoruba culture. My mom and mom in law took care of my kids but it wasn’t omugwo as they neither demanded, expected nor were entitled to anything but were just excited to be privileged to witness and help us. Igbo culture is NOT the entire Nigerian culture so let’s tone down the attempts at making it appear so. After 1. Mominmooo (introduction), 2. Idana (traditional) in Yorubaland, there is still 3. Igbeyawo ( the olden days equivalent of church/court) after which the bride is escorted to her husband’s house and older wives accept her and wash her feet symbolically.
Let every ethnic culture express itself and educate its younger members without aggressively pushing one narrative so Millenials & GenZs don’t assume every part of nigeria carry out activities like igbaokwu or omugwo AS a ceremony. Nigeria isn’t monolithic.
If the poster is Igbo or from the areas where they pay bride price as the real marriage then she can be co side red married but if she is a Yoruba lady, she is NOT married yet. That is not to say I support the “slow motion to divert destiny” guy.
Tell your current fiance everything. Be totally honest. Then break off the engagement and say yes to the man God revealed to you.
ReplyDeleteWahala.
DeleteYou really made a huge mistake. You are married to the brother. Wedding is 2 months away. How do you think he will feel if you call it off for your own selfish reason.
If the brother was the person that decided to call off the marriage because God told a sister, you will cry blue murder.
REMEMBER, do unto others as you would like to be done unto you.
Talk to God to help you as you right your wrong. Break off this engagement as the spirit leads because to obey is better than sacrifice, also a broken courtship is better than marriage o. At this point you need to seek God's face, I suggest a three days prayers and fast, so you can't act in flesh concerning this two brothers.
DeleteP s, send update when you have chosen your part
Thank you @16:24
DeleteBut the woman (wife) owns marriage. After all, it is the woman who marries a man - check any wedding invite.
Maybe that is why a woman is hardly at fault regarding a marriage issue in the eyes of majority of women. So long as a woman is not a second wife in a polygamy, she is nearly always right in all issues in the marrige. Only MILs and SILs see most wives for who they are. Any wonder wives generally do not want MILs and SILs within and around the perimeters of their marriage?
Hear what is Poster is saying. Except Poster has not told the man that she is married, a godly man CANNOT tell a woman to leave her marriage TO MARRY HIM. A man who knows God knows that God can get another good woman for him if he repents and beg God for that instead of going to destroy another man's marriage
If the man knows that Poster is married, then he knew all the while that Poster has been eyeing him but he could not make his move because of financial limitations. Now he sees Poster has married another man he is taking desperate steps in regrets.
The man is not godly. But very selfish. If God told him Poster is his wife, why did he not ask of God how to provide in the marriage. He sat down eyeing Poster for four good years until another man got his own go ahead and acted. He is the type of man that gives Christianity a bad name. He is free only IF Poster has not told him she is already married.
Well David toasted married woman before her husband died
DeleteNot uriah
@19:45
DeleteNot true. Support your assertion with reference to the Bible passage.
David and Abigail.
David did not toast her before her husband died of apparent heart failure from fear.
David only commended her wisdom in mediating between him and her husband.
If you meant another woman, name the woman and Bible verses
My dear, you will need to break that brother's heart before you start showing him pepper and ata rodo in marriage, my only problem with you is you don't have a mind of your own so I don't see how you are going to be able to pull the breakup off. You need to find a way to talk to uncle who has paid your bride price.
ReplyDeleteP.s know that the brother you want to run to is also an imperfect being oh, this one you already placed him on a pedestal.
I wish you all the best.
Go for your heart beat.. you can explain to your pastor about the whole situation... Las las everybody go talk and rest... Your happiness.. peace of mind and all is paramount now... Wishing you the best in your decision making
ReplyDeleteYou were counselled to say yes. Really??? So if you had not decided to move on this "brother from God", would not have told you that God "revealed" to him that you are his wife, ba? 🙄🙄🙄. Pls leave this guy you want to marry, you don't deserve to be with him. I pray God gives him someone better.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you Candy. I desire to meet you. Your post is the most precious thing I read on here.
DeleteThis "brother from God" would have taken probably another two to four years to come forward had he not heard that someone had come formally for your hand and bride price has been paid
The way God works, I think neither you nor the pastor missed God here...It is the brother who has missed out on God's perfect will. He came late and should be the one in tears not you
But I guess your heart is "in love". Dear that's not love.
Please focus on your new husband
Money$$$$$$…., follow the money. Poster not all that glitters is gold. I had a choice between two men decades ago, I ended up with the worse one because he was pretentious but more ready and I was ready. Beware of destiny diversion so you won’t look back in regret in 30 years. That new guy may be your “village people” in disguise
DeleteThank you Candy for this comment. Infact, it's not someone she wants to marry but someone she's married to. In Igbo culture, paying of bride price is regarded as marriage.
DeleteMoney? There's no issue of who is richer here. Clearly Poster does not know about both men. That's why she is confused. But based on pure Bible principles, the man poster has in her heart was not or is not qualified to marry her.
DeleteReturn the bride price and marry whom your heart yearns for . Thank God you're still on the early stage/ process of marriage.yes it's going to be hard for the people around you to accept but on the long run poster, you will be happy.
ReplyDeletePatience is a virtue, you should have been more patient. If your mentor is a Pastor and you told him about what God revealed to you, what he should have done is to call the brother to ask him some questions concerning his marriage plan, who knows maybe you guys could have been connected from there. But as it is, I won't advice you to go ahead with the wedding plans if you know you don't love the current guy, bride price can be returned you know.
ReplyDeleteOf course, even divorce can be granted.
DeletePoster just know you’re a married woman. No wedding is greater than bride price. Your husband hasn’t given you any reason to leave, why do you want to do this. Better ask for God’s grace and move on, the grass is always greener at the other side
Fan Emmanuel
Patience for how long?
DeleteFan she’s not married because of bride price! Just stop abeg!!! Nothing legal has been signed damn it. Bride price wey my parents returned when the real marriage was close. My parents said we don’t sell our child. Maybe in your tribe!
Delete01:50 Fan is speaking the truth about the poster being married. Like you stated maybe in her "tribe", so why asked her to stop? Fan is speaking according to her culture, though it's possible the poster is not an Igbo person but that doesn't make Fan wrong. Oh! We all want to talk about legal marriage forgetting that you would be asked if you have done the necessary things (traditionally/culturally) before the legal thing. FYI bride price is not "selling your child" but a symbol to show you are now married, reason a very small amount is paid as bride price. During the time my bride price was paid, a small amount about 20 naira or so was collected and the rest returned to my hubby, umunna stated that they are not selling their daughter but handing her over to him to take care of.
DeletePoster, i hope you make the right decision so you don't regret later.
Acceptance of bride price is a symbolic of solemnization of the marriage. That is why in some communities it is a fixed token amount.
DeleteReturn of bride price that we are not selling our daughter is a symbolic action to warn the groom family to care for the woman.
Return of bride price is not a new thing. Some parents do it privately with the couple or the groom's family. But accept its payment in public because of its importance in the marriage ceremony.
Stella don vex, lol!!! Poster look whether Pastor advise you or you advise yourself; na you hold knife and yam at the same time..God spoke to you directly but you chose to listen to the Pastor. I pray God gives you the wisdom to make the right decision..However, the 1st guy that God showed you, do you know his character..What you saw in your school days might be different from now..
ReplyDeleteDo you know his personality very well? I will advise you to hold your horses, ask God for forgiveness and ask him to reveal the truth to you because you might have prayed according to the idols of your heart then.. Then whatever the outcome is, make sure you bear the consequences and follow God's will.
Marriage is about God but it also involves the character of your partner, are they kind and respectful to you. People lie these days in the name of God just to get something from you.. Let me stop here for other people with better counsel...All the best
Tohhh thank you so much for saying this. Hope you know the fact that the slow brother is God's choice, doesn't mean that it will be all sweet if you go for him too.
DeleteBut poster why didnt you tell the one you love thag whh didnt he galk thag time and then explain matters rather than keeping a distance and being quiet ovef the issue. Hope you know our God also changes his mind depending on the situation e.g King Hezekiah's death was reversed. You need to pray again ooposter flask for God's affirmation on the situation, write thier two names down and talk to God again fpr his preffered choice, from there make your decision. Our God is not an author of confusion Trust me
ReplyDeleteIf truly God wanted you to marry that guy he would have proposed before now. God is not an author of confusion.
DeleteHow will you feel if it was the man that woke up one day to call off your marriage because of someone else? Not that you’ve done anything wrong. This is selfishness and wickedness.
Fan Emmanuel
Bombastic side eye👀
ReplyDeleteLike seriously!
DeleteComman update us poster whichever way you decide to go. Just know that when you stick to a decision you also make up your mind to be committed to it.
This is a dicey situation since Bride price have been paid. I don't know, do they do introduction and payment of Bride price same day?
ReplyDeleteWhy do women often look up to their pastors for men to marry? Do they have the monopoly alone to hear from God?
So what reason will you give to your husband now? This doesn't look too good if you ask me. At the time you claimed God revealed the first guy to you and he wasn't forth coming, why didn't you make the move to him and let him know about the revelation and just maybe, you guys would have kick start the dating process then? Would that have remove anything from you if you had approached him first?
Dear Sister,
Please if you love a man or feel a thing towards him, do not hesitate to make that move. It doesn't diminish your worth or personality.
I can't give an advice here. The knife and yam belongs to you.
TJ, you can do introduction, pay bride price, and we'd in the church same day.
DeleteUnder special arrangements, you can do registry marriage together with the other three same day.
Because it's a huge decision of one's life and you need all the guidance you can get o. May we not use our leg to enter trouble
DeleteI don’t like people that wait till you’re gone to want you
ReplyDeleteThink about it well. This guy looked at you and took a firm decision
He then followed through, asked you and even waited for a Decision
4 years you needed a husband and Mr I’m God sent but not prepared watched but did nothing
I’m sorry I’m with the pastor on this one
Very stupid guy! Over my dead body will I go back to him. Waited 4yrs to say what? Now that I've moved on, you want to coman tell me nonsense! God tell you 4yrs ago, na today day break!
DeleteMove on my dear!! Most times when you want to get married, distractions comes in different forms. Your distraction is in the form of this guy. Don't leave your husband. Your marriage will work! I believe you saw something good in your husband to have accepted his proposal.
Same here, the first guy is not serious. He had to wait till you are technically married before showing interest. Please break off with the other brother and return the bride price for his sake, he doesn't deserve this.
DeleteReason why I don't like all these "God told me" things cos we, as humans can make mistake in hearing from God. The man that paid bride price seems like a steadfast person, hasn't wavered from day one, the one you love that God told both of you delayed for 4 years.
DeleteThe pastor will advise you to go with the one that is ready as he has seen too many sisters regretting in their later years. I think you need to take time and pray well so you don't make mistake in marriage. It is well oh.
Anon 15:29 truly. I hate that. They'll be watching you from afar even after the convinction that you are the one. What of another man had married you within a short period and whisked you out silently? Oh, you don't fear loosing her? You'll just stay there observing like your mind is not there and even be flirting with other laddies too.
DeleteBlessed, she is not technically married. She is fully married.
DeleteWe read it here that under some native laws and customs in Nigeria, a man cannot claim a child born to him until he pays the bride price of the woman.
Marriage by payment of bride price is fully recognised under Nigerian Constitution and Laws.
Best advice for the poster coming from Fidel.
DeleteWell said
Poster please take the annon and @Fidel advice. This your so called guy is a distraction. Let him go. Most men don't want to have you yet they will not let you go. He heard from God 4years ago without making any move. He is back because he heard you want to get married.
DeleteGo ahead with your wedding plans. Na them. If.they hear or see your wedding card they will be forming love in the moon. Where has he been all these while. If you make mistake and call.off this wedding. This guy will play with your emotions for another 4 years and might not marry you. Block him. Face God and your marriage Wil be blessed
LET ME SHOUT IT. @poater. Take Fidel's advice. That guy is not serious. He will waste your time sotey you will beg the first guy to come back and maybe he will have remarried. Awon destiny killers.
DeleteLol I feel like insulting him sef, very irritating rubbish. The fool has now put you in dilemma. But if I may ask, assuming you were about getting married eg 2yrs ago,, when he was still unstable financially, would he have come out with 'God had told me', or he would have still kept quiet based on his unreadiness and eventually married someone God didn't say
DeletePls follow your heart. Jst have a heart to heart conversation with the guy that has already paid your bride price plus the bride price needs to be returned. The earlier the better, I jst hope he will understand.
ReplyDeleteFollowing your heart can be treacherous...............
DeletePoster go to God in prayer this time with a broken heart and ask him for direction. U are just confused, it is only God will direct u.
ReplyDeletePastor can use sentiments and push u into the wrong path, u too can walk towards the wrong path via uncensored emotion, so ack carefully to avoid being roasted by wrong decision and mistake
*paprika*
Tell the brother whom God revealed to you to give you time while you seek God's face for the way forward.
DeleteMiss Betty remember the wedding is in September
DeleteYou better go and marry the one you love, this is how married women go about cheating because they married the wrong guy,, smh
ReplyDeleteThat guy sef na wa! Why wait this long? Does he think a woman have all that time? Wetin you dey eye, another person sef dey eye am.
ReplyDeleteAs it's always said, you are married once your bride price has been paid. I guess you should think it through so you don't end up in an unhappy union. It means you will need to return the other guy's bride price and all.
Sincerely, God spoke to you at different times , so therefore you and the second guy are meant for each other. Go for him since you are both compatible because marriage is for life and you wont be living in regret all the days of your life.
ReplyDeleteImagine you are in bed everyday with the person you love and your heart beats. Go for the second brother.
Why would you pick a man’s word over God? I’m trying to understand this. God has the final say-not your pastor. No go be like Jonah oh. Toh
ReplyDeleteSee what impatience has caused. This is just the case of Abraham and Isaac. You didn’t trust God enough to wait
ReplyDeleteI don’t judge you dear cos a lot of us Christian’s are on this table.
Now that this is done. Can you go back to God and ask His mind on the matter. If you were able to pray through and hear for your husband. He can speak to you again on if u should quit your marriage or not
But I must tell you that you can never really know a human. The one you think is a saint May just be pretending.And know that marriage is an unknown gift you unwrap. You can get anything. It’s Gods grace that will give u wisdom on how to deal with the situation
Whoever told you that if you don’t marry a particular person in this life you are doomed isn’t telling you the truth
Your marriage can still work if you put in the work alongside prayer
But the ultimate decision is yours However, you need to go back to God in repentance for doubting and not believing His word
May God grant you the answers you need and peace on every side
Zendaya
This is a dicey situation, I know someone who waited for a brother whom she said God showed her for about a decade, refused other suitors only to see his wedding pictures on Facebook,now you wouldn't know what this particular pastor has seen in his counselling room to have given that advice, besides some people especially those who say they dream that God showed them a partner may only be dreaming about their heart yearning seeing they are already attracted to the fellow. Please be sure this is not the case with you, besides I believe paying of bride price means you are married because that was the only way a married person was confirmed even in the Bible and God is not an author of confusion, He will not ask you to go ahead to divorce since He said He hates it. Please patiently and wholeheartedly seek God and be ready to obey Him on this issue
DeleteMy only question to you is what did you do when guy B came for your hand in marriage? Did you go back to God to say Baba the man you said you will come has not said a word to me, what do you want me to do?
ReplyDeleteLike someone said patience is a virtue. No need to marry guy B, unfortunately, you are have to break his heart.
Me am different, stay married and blessed sis cos u seem a mess
ReplyDeletePoster, it's not too late to follow your heart. Take it from someone who let people pressure her into marrying someone she didn't love, you will regret it if you don't follow your heart. Don't settle! Break it off now rather than later.
ReplyDeleteShe’s married just the way you’re married. If you advise her to leave what then are you still doing in your own marriage? It’s not too late for you yourself to leave. At least you’re leaving because you don’t love your husband, unlike her that want to leave because of another man. Another man that may not truly love her the reason he waited for over 4yrs to propose. Another man that may show his true color when they’re married.
DeleteFan Emmanuel
Poster my question is ? the brother you say u love and God Almighty reveal to you...does he know that ur bride price has been paid? Is he aware that introduction and dowry payment has been done?
ReplyDeleteKindly respond sincerely from ur heart. They lies the answer to who he is.
Pls do not be in a hurry to make decisions that may complicate this issue.simply go on your knees and beg the holy spirit for direction.him alone knows the right man for you.
ReplyDeleteMbok, this is not God. God doesn't support divorce according to you deep Christians. Since your bride price has been paid, it means you are married and God cannot direct him to a married woman as that would be adultery. And you seem like a perfect Christian, so stay with your husband. You will be committing adultery by leaving your husband and jumping into another.
ReplyDeletePoster what do you want us to tell you? Of course you're already a married woman & as a Christian you know what the bible talks about divorce (it's only on the bases of adultery) So my dear poster stick to the man you married & try to make it work.
ReplyDeleteI don’t trust this sent guy
ReplyDeleteHowever I don’t agree with the thinking that it is late
Marriage of which day
If you really consider and think this is good for you then break things off and follow the other guy
But do your research well
One thing I will say, I don’t believe God told you snd now didn’t put things in motion
I however believe you like him. If you’ll just spend marriage regretting then make an about turn now
Personally I won’t leave this sure to go for 4 year man
Really the first guy seems like a scam, poster your revelation as God sent husband might be your illusion of how a husband should be. Maybe because you just like this first guy. If I will advise, go for your husband who has paid your bride price. A man that truly loves you will not wait to make you his. 4 years ko, 4 years ni...he no even come toast during those years sef...
DeleteThis is a difficult situations, may God grant you wisdom and knowledge to do the right thing.
ReplyDeletePlease go back to God in prayer and fasting for Him to have His way. Do not do anything and dont take any action in any direction. Continue your wedding plan. Tell the man that wasted 4 years that you are about to wed. Brief your husband too but be careful. Our God is not an Author of confusion but of Peace (1 Cor 14:33). If God is in it, He will settle it and bring peace. Make sure you pray and fast well for the will of God to be done.
ReplyDeleteReturn the bride price! Return the bride price!! Follow your heart!!! Some female Bvs chant.
ReplyDeleteWould they want their bride price returned for another woman?
If they would so want would it not be for joy of being rid of an unworthy man?
What value to a man is a woman whose eyes are set on another man at the gates, and not on the welfare of her matrimonial home.
At what depth lies the word of God in the heart of a Christian who tells a Christian wife to break her marital vows with her Christian Husband to marry him.
Four years ago, God showed a vision but did not give provision He says.
Is it the same God who wrought miracles of provision through the hands of his obedient Prophets Elijah and Elisha?
The same God who sent his only begotten son, Jesus Christ who told his disciples to cast their nets after toiling fishless all night and their catch almost broke their net?
Or is this man knocking at the locked gates after the hour disobedient or unprepared like the other 5 virgins?
At what depth lies the word of God in the heart of a Christian who could not step out in faith for four years but earnestly steps out after oath and communion to wreck confusion in the body of Christ.
There was no provision he says. Has God provided now. When did God provide. Questions.
Eternal are your words O Jehovah.
May your son have the wisdom to understand that you are good all the time and go find his wife to obtain all favours from you as promised.
Thank you, Jehovah.
Stella, welldone for this blog, a Faculty in the University of Life
Thank you anon...unserious guy. As. another person don marry her, e enter him eyes...
DeleteThey don't want you yet they will not let you go.
ReplyDeletePoster, please don't let anybody mislead you, this brother doesn't mean well for you, if he did, he would've approached you earlier before your bride price was paid.
ReplyDeleteI was in talking stage with a particular guy that I dreamt of marrying more than three times, one thing I noticed that I was the one that always contact him, if not, no communication, I would deleted his number and still looked for his number, he would even post some ladies on WhatsApp status and be declaring love for them.
One day that I was seriously thinking about him, he contacted me after so many months that very day and told me he has also been thinking about me, I was very excited to hear from him, and reply his message, he didn't reply till date, I called him, he didn't pick and he didn't call back till date, I deleted all his contacts till date and remove my mind from him and move on.
Recently, I had a dream about him again monitoring me concerning other guys, that he can't approach me because of other guys and he's very jealous.
I don't care what the dreams mean, but what I'm sure of is that, he's living his best life without me, even though I can't hear from him again, and I will never put my life on hold because of the dreams I've had, I consider them as stupid dreams, if not, I wouldn't have been the only one making a move.
So my dear, maybe it's what you were thinking then that made you dream of him or thought that the Lord was speaking to you.
Pray very well again, so that you won't make a wrong move.
You are in love with him that is why you keep dreaming of him
DeleteKING XOXO MYSTERY
Dear poster please go back to your mentor and ask him/her what to do because this is dicey situation. May God help you out in this situation.
ReplyDeleteIf I were to be in your shoes I will fast and pray, then take time to observe the one that God showed you to be sure he is a nice person because time changes people also tell him that your bride price has been paid and watch his reaction, don't rush and return your bride price without seeking the face of God and telling him about the payment of your bride price please try and be truthful
ReplyDeleteI see another vision
ReplyDeleteYou will lose both and be single.
No one showed you any one as husband, it is you, your desire and lust that makes you keep dreaming of that man. If you lose your marriage over that guy, that your dream guy will still leave.
What is wrong with you?
KING XOXO MYSTERY
Honestly he may not leave
DeleteHe may marry her
That’s just life
Hahahaha 🤣🤣 Xoxo, u is wicked! Na d vision me sef dey see o. When she loses both of them, her eyes will clear.
DeleteI agree that if she jilts the man she is with, this indecisive “perfect will” may never marry her and that will cause shame. Beware of destiny diversion and “village people” using your lusts and sentiments to destroy your destiny
DeleteFocus on ur home,u are married, the other guy is a time waster.
ReplyDeleteWhen men see what they want, they go for it immediately.
ReplyDeleteSadly bad guys do this too
DeleteLock you in before you can think
Bad guys are also men🤷🏽♀️ So she’s still correct. Imagine a whole 4 yrs and didn’t even let her know he wants her but still working on his finances. Poster you will see shege in your marriage if you end up with this your so called God revealed man and time waster of 4 years. Get over your damn emotions and go wit who has been intentional in his actions. Love without action is bullshit.
DeletePoster if you miss it in marriage e don end o.
ReplyDeleteRefund this man's bride price ànd let the one God revealed to begin to do the needful.
Some people na wa o. This our God too good.
Haba life is not that deep
DeleteCome away from all this false preaching
How is it over for a child of God just cause of one bad move
I understand what Lifted is saying ,this vision guy might not give her what she wants at the end, if she end things with him to see a better husband more than the one she ended things with might be difficult, that is why you see some women regretting why they missed a good man, poster believe me this guy that waited for your answer for over a year and finally paid your bride price pls open your heart and love him truly, ask this four years guy if he is your husband how will he feel if you leave him to marry another guy look him in the eyes and see he will not stomach what he is about to do to his fellow man.
DeleteHave you even told your family ,so your family will gladly welcome this new guy after ending things with your husband? What you re about to cause yourself is deep , pls do give us feedback on whatever decision you take.
Lest I forget you be firm in your Christian decision anything that doesn't give you peace no Worth am know this and Peace ✌️
Poster is not too late but you need to be open, truthful to this brother whom God showed you is your husband. Let him know the truth of what has happened so that you both can find a head way. If God truly spoke to him four years ago he was supposed to has communicated that to him knowing fully well that he is not the only one who has eyes for something good .
ReplyDeleteI will ask you to go back to God in prayers to help you out cos our God is not a God of confusion. You didn't go back to God before you said yes to this second brother else you would have heard be patient. You trusted your daddy G. O blindly that is why you accepted to marry the second brother.
Please do not marry cos you 5old your self you will never break anyone's heart. I think we should stop saying somethings till it happens, is not your wish to break his heart but you will never be happy all the days of your life in regret cos you married the wrong person. Please call it off and move on
Poster this your husband that paid your bride price shebi you love him ,for you to agree for your bride price to be paid means at least you cated about him he waited all these while for your answer you accepted, then out of nowhere here a foolish human being you ached to be married to came and is bold to propose marriage and you re confused, do you think if that guy is you and you came to tell him to end things with his wife you think he will agree, that how useless men cause confusion in someone's life, he waited for four good years and they sealed his mouth,and now you have decided to have peace he came as confusion, believe him at your own peril, if it's me I rather reinforce the love I have for my husband than giving him a listening ear time waster
ReplyDeleteForget all the gibberish he will tell you let him go and look for someone else, so you re Zuma rock he will come and meet anytime he wants, don't call or chat with him he will cause seed of discord in your heart, he will make you compare btw him and your husband.
You re a woman be firm with your choice kwesiri ,no going back to conside nonsense . O na apu ara he is mad werey human being, forget him and don't entertain any calls ,meeting, or chat with him .
But wait o of you no see husband marry you would ve waited for 20 years for him your name go be Pele o Queen Camilla of England I hate rubbish
I can’t stop laughing at how naive and silly you are. I can bet my last naira that the so called ‘chosen one’ could feel vibes from you that you loved him. He was just keeping you as an option from afar. He was caught unawares about your marriage. Silly wife that you are, you are still giving him vibes that’s why he is telling you rubbish. Make the mistake of leaving your husband for him and see if he will marry you. Someone that will abscond with another flimsy excuse of not reading the vision well. Someone that can’t trust you won’t betray him in future. Better face your marriage and make it work. Be real to yourself and tell your self the truth. If you like, disgrace your family and yourself in your community over telenova foolishness. What is love sef? Your husband is ready and has been committed to you for over a year. Giving me you assurances that you mean the world to him. Gave you assurance in front of your family sef. You want to leave reality to be chasing shadows. Continue!!!!! Silly woman
ReplyDeleteGod bless you
DeleteFan Emmanuel
Men and brethren! If God had shown that brother 4 years ago, he should have at least sow the seed in the heart of the poster. At least that would had guided her in making a decision. If he has been quiet for 4 years and came after the lady’s bride price has been paid, then I am saying it with my full chest, that brother is not her husband. And if he’s her husband, it is that brother that will suffer the consequences not the lady. Any vision that goes beyond 4 years without execution is no longer valid! Poster please go and marry the man that paid your bride price. I wish you well in the marriage, don’t even look back!
ReplyDeleteGbam 💯
DeleteYesterday's chronicle poster , If you must marry the revealed husband just make sure you explain every revelation you had concerning marriage. Don't just breakup anyhow.
ReplyDeleteDepending on how emotionally mature he may be; these are the kind of heartbreaks that may cause one to kill or harm a person in a way that they will never forget in their life out of anger or frustration. Some will be visibly filled with anger and some may not show it; but work against you silently.
Many people have married the one that was revealed to them yet the marriage was filled with lot's of up's and downs. It could even be that the revelation was not from the spirit of God. (I don't know)
That you got some revelations that you are meant for each other should not stop you from working on yourselves before marriage. Get to know his values, how much his character matches with yours, etc to avoid drama in marriage because God can never come down to work on the conflicting understanding over issues and other conflicting sence of reasonings in any relationship .
God has shown him his wife but is he ready to work on the relationship? Does he understand that God chose you for him for a reason even though the time has not come when your usefulness to him will be seen. Is he mentally mature enough to always; stick to God's command no matter what ? I am asking this because alot of we humans may think 'this person has nothing to offer me in life...' I don't want you to be the only one carrying the burden of making the relationship work.
You may think you know the brother too well because you often see him in church. Alot of this brothers in the lord have bad habits compared to the ones outside. Especially their unnecessary anger over little things, ITK, pretentiousness , malice, etc Don't run into a relationship that you will regret. To me, I would advise you to stick to the man you already know. Like someone said in the comments yesterday, 'that your brother maybe village people in disguise' he says he didn't approach you all the while because he wasn't financially stable. Was he not dating other babes in the past four years?
He remembered you now because the people he loved to be with has broken his heart . He didn't even care to obey God's command. In my opinion, he is not attracted to you, he doesn't like your kind of person but because of the revelation coupled with the fact that some babes disappointed him. Someone that delayed coming to you for 4yrs won't hesitate to leave you immediately he notice a behavior in you that he does not like , he will leave if he eventually finds another girl that he is attracted to during the courting period. Make just one little mistake and he will flee without thinking twice . He won't even wait for a moment to reflect on those lovely moments that you once shared together. Don't let love to cover your mind because this guy you are talking about didn't allow love to lead him on but his head. Oh, It is a pity that you have just 2months left. I fear that this brother may not be stable
You said you love the brother more. To me it could be infatuation that developed as a result of the revelation you had. Because you believed that God chose him for you so you had to condition your mind not to see any fault in him but love. The worst thing I fear is if he doesn't feel same way in his heart like you do but calculatingly using his head .
He didn't care if he loosed you to another person for 4good years, he didn't even make you his casual female friend to start with. Did his other female friends complain to him that lack of money is a condition for not dating or being friends with him? Money was never the problem. Check his exes .
Slim Shaddy God bless you real good , you said it all
DeleteGodliness with contentment is great gain. Longer throat can put you inside big gbege. My dear poster think well. But you don't have much time.
ReplyDeleteSweet sister as you’ve read there are many different opinions so you must be even more confused
ReplyDeletePray but also don’t hide. Speak with those that love you and are rational. You may confide in your mother your pastor or a trusted friend. Discuss the specifics of each man and finally make your decision
Only God knows who revealed to you that someone is your husband, everytime God said this, God said that, continue… be deceiving yourself. Married woman that is supposed to face her marriage is talking nonsense.
ReplyDeletemy dear, go back, fast and pray. i regret marrying the person i was pressurised to marry, fear of late marriage made succumb meanwhile i loved another and he loved me. i could have gone back to God in prayer.. my heart is still with the one i loved even after 16 years of marriage. its tough honestly. who to marry is a major decision and shouldnt be taken lightly.
ReplyDeleteNo matter the road you take, you will be fine. It’s totally the guys fault. He is the one with the vision to approach you first but he was disobedient. Even the Bible says obedience is better than sacrifice. His lose, your gain. The other man, who paid your bride price, is equally a good man that loves you more than you do. Just go back to God in prayer. God is not an author of confusion. And make sure the voice you are listening to is from God. Sometime the devil projects himself as the angel of light. Thanks
ReplyDeleteConfusion like this happens when a woman is about to marry a great man. During my time, na so different guys I was crushing on started coming to confuse me, God said this and that. Thank God for my mom. I married my husband and he loves me like kilode.
ReplyDeleteHello sis. Pls intently go back to God in prayers. I believe there is nothing he can't do, the unsuitable person will just start to lose interest and the real one would stay. I listened to pastor Mildred who said the person she was engaged too, just suddenly broke off by himself after she prayed and God had showed her pst Kingsley is the better option. I really do feel for you because I hate confusion
ReplyDelete