Hmmm....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
CONFRONTATION OR NOT
A friend of mine in another base (my former base) reported me to another friend in the same base. She invited me for an award she was going to receive but i told her i am always busy and my Saturdays/Sundays are for washing, cleaning, and attending to my personal needs. I work from Monday to Friday (7am to 5pm). I am currently running a postgraduate program so my weekend is loaded.
At the time she invited me to this event i just lost my dad one month and the burial had not been done even till now. How could i go for celebration when i was even grieving, physical lectures i have not been attending only online, my work na grace of God i take dey concentrate. I just told her i was busy with personal things and this girl felt i owed her anything.
My other friend called me asking me what happened and the complaint she gave her. She said i gave her attitude, only I alone understand my situation cos i don't like telling people what i feel or am going through. I love to handle my problems rather than telling people for pity.
I want to call her and tell her my mind, one mind is saying i should ignore her cos is not relevant. This girl has not done anything good for me, i was the one who housed her for months, and in the end, she decided to bad mouth me. I have never been lucky with friends, that is why i decided to stay in my lane and keep my stories to myself. Should i confront her or face my front and read for my forthcoming exams?
A friend of mine in another base (my former base) reported me to another friend in the same base. She invited me for an award she was going to receive but i told her i am always busy and my Saturdays/Sundays are for washing, cleaning, and attending to my personal needs. I work from Monday to Friday (7am to 5pm). I am currently running a postgraduate program so my weekend is loaded.
At the time she invited me to this event i just lost my dad one month and the burial had not been done even till now. How could i go for celebration when i was even grieving, physical lectures i have not been attending only online, my work na grace of God i take dey concentrate. I just told her i was busy with personal things and this girl felt i owed her anything.
My other friend called me asking me what happened and the complaint she gave her. She said i gave her attitude, only I alone understand my situation cos i don't like telling people what i feel or am going through. I love to handle my problems rather than telling people for pity.
I want to call her and tell her my mind, one mind is saying i should ignore her cos is not relevant. This girl has not done anything good for me, i was the one who housed her for months, and in the end, she decided to bad mouth me. I have never been lucky with friends, that is why i decided to stay in my lane and keep my stories to myself. Should i confront her or face my front and read for my forthcoming exams?
'*Why should you ignore her?Dont confront her, send her a message telling her that you heard she thinks you snubbed her and then tell her you were going through a lot at that time and probably did not relay the message across in a way that made her misunderstand...just tell her she misunderstood you...Tell her not to be upset.....wish her well.....
You are talking about not being lucky with friends, my dear, you may be the bad friend.... I am not saying that you are a bad person, I am just looking at it from both ways.....
It’s I’M not AM.
ReplyDeleteBest advice is what Stella gave you .
ReplyDeleteJust face your exams and let the other friend relay your message
ReplyDeleteSorry for what you're passing through
Like Stella said, no need to fight. Let her know that you are somehow overwhelmed and won't be able to come for her event. You can also call her before the event to ask how the preparation is going, and also wish her well.
ReplyDeleteBut telling someone you called a friend telling her that you lost your dad @and your schedule work and school shouldn't be a big deal to tell someone ,no be everything person dey bottle inside, sometimes if you talk pple will understand,just tell her and face front
ReplyDeleteAbiii. I hate being friends with people like this poster abeg. Boring ass friendship. You can’t even open up to let her know what you’re going through??? What nonsense type of friend are you?? How would she know you’re going through things? You can’t blame her abeg. I would feel hurt too without any concrete explanation especially if we call each other good friends. See how she’s quick to talk about what she’s done to help her out when you yourself poster, lack communication skills. Na so so private life and bottling everything up. Abegiii free her and face your issues yourself then. No wonder why you don’t have close friends!
Deletepeople don't always need to be told to understand, sometimes put yourself in one's shoes to imagine the situation if that would make you to understand.
ReplyDeleteNobody would be happy with the way you replied.
ReplyDeleteA friend invited you to an award ceremony and your reply was "I am always busy and my Saturdays/Sundays are for washing, cleaning and attending to my personal needs". Seriously? Like she's not important. And you want her to be happy?
Stop saying you are not lucky with friends. You are the one who's not a good friend in this case. If she didn't value you, she wouldn't have invited you.
If you had told her about your grief, she would have understood.
Call and explain things properly to her.
So you only saw what I repliedher about my weekend. She knows I lost my dad but didn't even come to pay me a visit but complaining about an award that is not even my problem.
DeleteWhat I did for her in the past is nothing. Thank you for calling me a bad friend.
Your response here shows you really need no advise. Just do what you will, and let us all breathe
DeleteStella you should have asked the kind of circle she keeps as friends. Is not all about having them many, are they really friends?
ReplyDeleteYou did not explain your "no" answer.
ReplyDeleteGenerally, it is good, and sometimes the best, to preface a "no" answer with explanation(s) which not be detailed.
Most people would feel the way your friend did though not all will bad mouth you.
And among the majority who felt bad, at least half will not show up to celebrate with you when you call on them.
Just do as Stella advised if you are still interested in the friendship. If you are not, press ignore. No need to escalate the matter especially since you have explained to the person who reported the matter to you.
So your friend shouldn’t care that you didn’t show up for an award and only said you’re having personal issues
ReplyDeleteNa wa oh
Explain to her and apologize for missing her big day
Abeg Stella made valid points!! Poster there are ways you can communicate with your friend without giving a lot of details about your personal challenges. Don't be aggressive or confrontational about it...Where there is no communication, assumption is inevitable...Just let her know that you learnt about her disappointment of you not being able to be there on her 'BIG' day, explain to her like a friend and tell her you will make it up to her....
ReplyDeleteYou don't need to be agitated and start overthinking things...Can't you see she wants you to be part of her success story by being there whilst she receives her award? Look at the big picture here please...
All the best
No need for a confrontation, just explain yourself and focus on your exams. All the best in your forthcoming exams.
ReplyDeleteLet her know what you heard and tell her why you couldn't attend the event. Sometimes it is good to share, keeping thing and excepting pple to understand is a no no for me. Moreover u don't owe anyone any attendance I don't know why pple like making it an issue when u decline an invitation 🙄
ReplyDeleteYou dey mind poster. Mtscheww
DeleteThe same way you explained to us in details why you couldn't make it to her award if you had used this same energy to explain to her I doubt she will be holding grudges against you.
ReplyDeleteShe is not in your head to know what you are thinking or going through why assume she should know all these your excuses.
Only God knows how you put the excuse to her sef, everything just about you just screams me me me. Just a day that she asked you turn up for her not like requested the whole year with you. I put it to you that you are the bad friend.
Thank you oh
DeleteA friend that didn't come to greet me when she heard I lost my dad. A friend that came to the same place and didn't see me, her award is more important than my mourning period. Shebi with my own money abi with your own money to attend the event. You can represent me.
Poster, calm down.. You need diverse opinion but you are under comments section disagreeing with people points.
DeleteIf you felt settled in your conscience that you didn't offend her, you shouldn't have sent this chronicle. Anyways, nothing last forever.
Gbam!
Delete20:00 if you knew it all, why are you asking for opinions?
DeleteWhy?
Cho cho cho cho under dissenting comments.
Abeg gave your awards and mourning.
Poster you didn't state all these points in that chronicle, we would have known what to say. I think you should call her and tell her your mind so that you don't bottle so much anger in you.
DeleteYou were there for her in bad times but refused to show for good and you think she should be happy
ReplyDeleteNo that’s got friendship
Be there in good times and bad
Simply tell her its against your culture to attend any ceremony while your Late Dad is yet to be buried simple.
ReplyDeletePoster you too get time.
ReplyDeleteMe I no send anybody o.
For this kind time wey we dey everybody fey busy, na only people wey matter to me na dem I dey get time to explain things to..
If you like her as a friend and you still wanna keep her ,just cal her and explain your situation and if she continues dump her asap. No time
Poster I feel you didn't present your reasons properly. If the way you stated it here is the way you told her then she surely would feel offended. Except you're intentionally trying to kill the relationship, simple give her a full explanation of why you couldn't make it. Also tell her the grievances you're bearing against her. Let it all out
ReplyDeleteHow can you say that she's your friend and the only excuse you are giving her is that your Saturdays/Sundays are for laundry, cleaning etc??? My dear if laundry and cleaning is your excuse, I think she is not important to you, because it's just an occasional something and one of her special days. If you are coming from the angle that you lost your dad and you are still grieving I will understand.
ReplyDeleteIf she hasn’t done anything good for you, then talk to her about moving on without being friends with her. Let her realize how she has affected you negatively and not a good friend to you/when your dad died. You owe her an explanation before discarding her. Friendship is just like a relationship. You need to communicate no matter what and nurture that relationship. It doesn’t have to be in a confrontational way. You’re a grown ass woman so handle your damn emotions like an adult. And please don’t come and tell us how lonely you are and how you don’t have any friends in your corner. I’m saying this because I also learned the hard way and had to learn how to communicate my feelings to my friends in order to keep friends in my life. We shdnt let emotions control us all the time. If we can forgive boyfriends over and over even when some of these men do so many shit, yet we go still forgive them and keep the relationship going. So why can’t we do the same for our fellow women friends?? 🤷🏽♀️God help us women. 🙏🏽
ReplyDelete