Hmmmmm.....
LOUD SPOUSE
I have had conversations with her on these over a decade, begged, quarrelled, pleaded, joked to no avail. Initially, she was seeing it that I want to control her life but she knows it's not true.
When we step out together people kind of look at us and admire us but once it's composure time, naa. I carry my heart in my hands, frightful of what, where and when she will embarrass us.
She jokes a lot so sees everything as joke. She can scold a child in high tone in the church. She can halla an adult in the streets with high pitch voice. It's tiring. Asides this, she's kind and a good person.
Please give your wife a break!!!
Must she confir to society? Support your wife and let people learn to accept her for who she is please......She is a kind and good person?being loud (not like all those microphone in those churches in streets with loud loudspeaker) is not a crime..... Oga you are not perfect so accept her lousy character and work on helping her not Judging her...Maybe you are the only who sees her that way......
Since she is like that, mind where you take her to.
ReplyDeleteShe has always been that way, did you not notice it?
I cannot let a lousy spouse embarrass me in public.
What’s life without comportment?
Sluttychic.
Stop going out with her to places she is not well known. Go with her to necessary places like church, family gathering. And when she starts, keep a straight face. That's what most men in your shoes do. When their wives start the drama with children or third parties, you won't know the man by her is her husband unless you have known them before. And those who know them don't judge the man less because they have come to know the wife's personality.
ReplyDeleteBest wishes sir
Honestly I can't be around loud people!
DeleteI love them reserved, you can be loud at home
Please talk to her from a kind heart, and not from an irritated heart. And don’t stop taking her places, that’s not fair. You saw her like that before you married her, but you can help her make improvements.
DeleteI remember in our church when I was younger, there was a couple Bro A and Sis E. Bro A was extremely quiet, while Sis E was the more outgoing one. Sis E was also a terrible dancer and everyone knew this, but whenever music came on in church you would see her dancing to her heart’s content not minding who was watching… especially during thanksgiving Sunday when people file in front of the church to give offerings. When this happens, Bro A will just throway his face one side and be hiding laugh. Even though his wife’s dance would have been termed embarrassing by some people, Bro A had come to accept it as part of her, maybe he had come to love it, who knows.
All this to say, if you love someone, their so-called flaws may not matter so much. Of course this is within reason, your spouse shouldn’t be bringing trouble into your home by involving herself in outside matters that don’t concern her. But if it is just the pitch and tone of her voice, keep talking to her gently and hopefully she will change
Someone brought chronicle and asked for advice but here you are questioning his love for his wife
DeletePoster this is a good advice ,so many people asking didn't you see it when they re dating maybe he didn't know it will be like this ,at least let's give advice from a place of concern , if he is not worries about it he wouldn't have bring it here
Delete@ 20:36, it needs to be questioned. There's kind of resentment in his tone. When you truly love someone you won't feel such towards the person.
DeleteAll of us cannot be the same,you both have different temperament that's why it's irritating you,just focus on her kindness and positive sides.
ReplyDeleteIt really bothers him for it to be brought on this platform. Sir, there are trainers who are good at coaching one into behaving right and courteous when in public. You can engage their services while letting your wife in on it. But, syke her with the excuse that it’s for her to just act ladylike at gatherings you take her to that involves your senior colleagues so it doesn’t affect your work. For the sake of the family. Don’t force it.
ReplyDeleteBesides, she doesn’t see anything wrong because no one has been bold enough to tel her except you. You know her better, try and manage how you want to communicate the new plans to her and watch her reaction.
OR,
Imitating her whenever you both are out and watch how she reacts and changes. If she wants to pull the victim card, remind her that you are only letting her know how her actions are viewed by all. She will start working on herself.
Goodluck Sir 🙏
It is well, one thing you have to know is that she has being like that for a long now , so you Don expect her to change within a twinkle of an eye. Please take easy with her
ReplyDeletePoster, I dislike loud people and those who can't comport themselves in public not to talk of my own husband doing that, is going to irk me, that's my own OCD. I have friend that I carry my hearts in my hands when we go on girls outing. First, the way she calls the waiter like it's a fight or she trying to fight bouncers or one issue or the other that might ruin our outing. She's a very supportive friend ooo, she easily loose guard. I understand how you feel perfectly poster.
ReplyDeletePlease try use others like her closest family, friends or any one she respects most to talk to her about her composure, maybe she will be conscious and start adjusting gradually.
Ahhh that your friend nawa
DeleteYou saw her that way, you love her and married her? So learn to deal with it. Good luck
DeleteOCD kwa!?
DeleteBut poster you saw her with this character during the dating phase abi? Or you follow for people wey believe say everything must change when we get married😂? You can't change this one, you can only manage with her because most times they don't even know they are loud like that!
ReplyDeleteYou can pray about it too, what God can not do, doesn't exist!
😂😂😂😂😂 my pops anytime we go out. Just limit going out with her. Same thing I did for my pops oh. I can't kill myself. Mehn these people don't know any iota of public composure. Very embarrassing especially when it's in a place where big shots and matured people are present. You go dey hold your head in one hand and your heart in another hand. God abegii 😪😪😪.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately, they don't see anything wrong in it. Which is so tiring 😞.
That would be my solution too
DeleteShe can be how she wants but if it’s causing me embarrassment then she can go to events by Herself without it me and I won’t invite her when I’m going
We lost 3 male colleagues BTW 22nd and 29th of October 23.
ReplyDeleteJ, who was involved in an accident on the 29th was LOUD, but he had a good heart.
His death shook not just our office but the entire block.
Everyone misses his loudness, free spirit,.
RIP J
I think you should keep talking to her and take some measures to make her see that you don't like it. Measures like not taking her with you to some places, keeping a stern face when you don't like what she's doing but in all, please correct her with love and give her time to unlearn and learn.
ReplyDeletePerson dey tire to talk. Is she a child?
DeleteSo did you date her in a cave or you only met her on the wedding day? I am shocked that you did not know this side of her before marriage, loud ppl are very hard to miss or hide who they are.
ReplyDeleteIf you’ve spoken to her in many different forms for a decade and no change then we can conclude this is her nature and there will be no change. As someone else said, take her to places where she is well known and accepted, but when it comes to places where comportment is required or socializing with strangers do not go with her.
She seems to be one of those child at heart ppl who like to live on the fun side of life. You seem to be more adult and like seriousness, as you expect that to be a sign of adulthood and maturity. She’s quirky and harmless. As you have not said that she is vulgar or a virago then do not put yourself in situations where her personality will irritate you. Be strategic with your outings
You people that have been saying did he not date her bla bla bla are talking like you don’t know that deceit and pretense are things that women know how to do perfectly.Please spare me that crap.
Delete@20:40, you cannot hide that kind of personality. Maybe if the person is shy they may be quiet over the initial meeting period, but after the first few dates it will come out. This is not like being a liar or hiding a wife and children, we are talking about a core personality trait here, so ingrained that even in over a decade this person has not changed. I do not believe such a person could have hidden this side of themselves during courtship. Unless their was no courtship or getting to know each other.
DeleteDo a recording of your wife exhibiting this behavior and show her, if she's OK with it. Then allow her, this is who she is and who she wants to be.
ReplyDeleteAHH..
ReplyDeleteAmotekun..
God abeg oh
Poster divorce her.no time to tolerate rubbish.men are not build to tolerate nonsense.if she refuse to change, divorce her.if you the one that had issues she wouldn't mind divorcing you.Imagine you have been pleading and begging and done all humanly possible to make her understnd but she is adamant.divorce her or stop going out with her completely, she will have rethink.sometimws you don't use words with women, they listen to actions more.
ReplyDelete16:25 okpo
DeleteBetter okpo
DeleteAm sure the husband is reserved and cool, the type of man that hates unnecessary attention, just keep talking to her.
ReplyDeleteWe are not created equal. Take her as she is please, after all you've been together for more than a decade.
ReplyDeleteMarigold.
But you saw all this before the marriage and still married her , is it 10years later you now want a refined wife ?
ReplyDeleteThat’s why people should choose their partners based on their future not their present.
It's a character trait.
ReplyDeleteKeep talking to her,she probably didn't see it as an issue to you.
I go with Anon 15:09 advice..... Josaria
ReplyDeleteThis reminds me how my then husband now Ex said i don’t laugh like a woman her husband has money….I’m very happy i left his ass
ReplyDeleteYou say? 🤷♀️ Jesu 😩
DeleteImagine 🤣
DeleteBut you saw her like that and married her. Limit your outings together, simple.
ReplyDeletePoster, I believe you saw all these her lousy nature and you still married her, so what are you expecting, to change her??? Please accept her the way she is, Abi did she kill anybody. You just don’t know how to appreciate what you have maybe until you loose it you’ll know her worth. If it bothers you so much, pay for an etiquette school for her to attend and be refined. She might be acting out of ignorance. Invest in her etiquette and appreciate her more. Be kind to her, she must have grown up in a lousy environment.
ReplyDeletePoster, you are taking this her natural state too far. She was created with high pitch voice. She know her with that and married her over 10yrs ago.
ReplyDeleteJust maybe, something else is irritating you... Video her while she is at it and show her. Love covers multitude of bad sides.
Oga your Wife, is a Jolly good fellow, free spirited, cheerful and kind ... Pls give her a break and let her be !!!!
ReplyDeleteDear poster, continue talking to her but from a place of love
ReplyDeleteDear poster please read the advice of Anonymous 17:10 and 17:23 slowly and deeply.
ReplyDeleteThat her weakness may be the 20% you have to live with. Cherish her 80%. If she doesn't change pray to God to give you the strength to live with what you can't change.
423
Stella sef, you are the real definition of unpredictable. Lols
ReplyDeleteI'm the poster of the Chronicle. Thank you all for your advice. I really appreciate and will do what some said which is not different from what I have been doing.
ReplyDeleteLet me quickly say that she was not like this when we were dating. We dated, I traveled out, I came back to a complete different person. She is the happy go person, no dull moment but changed after NYSC. She says the town she served changed her to the lady she is now.
Ain't going to divorce her as one commenter advised. No. She is a good woman. Lovely. Hard working. Just the loud part that makes me uncomfortable and cringe sometimes when she talks at home and in public. I don't like noise of any kind, that's why.
You see that Stella's advice, it's not it at all. At least, comments from bvs ran opposite it with people having experience of what I pass through.
Once again, thank you bvs.
You guys rock.
We for get platform for this kind gist a lone, things you don't like or you think are off about your spouse.
ReplyDeleteI literally do not like lousy people as well, it can really be annoying going out with them on a date or function.
Oga get use to her and manage her like that the harm has been done already.
There are things we can't really change in some people.
It's just like you can bring someone out from the village to the city to be civilized but you can't bring the village out of the person.
Poster sorry for your ordeal. Just learn to tolerate her like that.
I know someone that fits this description. My take is, do not blame the man. She takes every advice as an attempt to control. Everywhere she goes to represent the family, she disgraces herself... being deliberately loud is her ''Notice me'' strategy. She feels she has arrived and everyone should see it. She is quiet indoors, but as soon as there's 2 or more people, you'll see a different her
ReplyDeleteSome things doesn't worth complaining at all
ReplyDeletePoster shey you didn't see this attitude before you wife her??? Abeg she's your wife not a mini God, let her be Biko.
ReplyDeleteThis calls for introspection sir, think-why's it bothering you now as compared to 10 years ago, is it an issue of growth and your increased social status or she is becoming cantankerous by the day? Are you feeling pressured because friends commented on it, or you suddenly found someone who ticks your boxes and it is making you more aware of this behaviour (comparism).
ReplyDeleteSometimes we develop and leave our spouses behind then blame them when they act like they've always done when we first started courting decades ago. Get the children or a trusted friend to talk to her. Pray for grace not to feel irritated, yes sometimes we pray for God help to love inspite of known weaknesses just as Christ love the church. Remember, just like patience Jonathan, such women are fiercely loyal and what they lack in finesse they make up for it in intelligence and social skills, try to always focus on her strengths, remind yourself the things you love about her. Love is patient, love is kind, love keeps no record of wrongs, love is intentional even when it seems unappreciated. I sense that you love your wife, keep on setting that high bar of love that says I am not going anywhere, I love you (imperfections and all).
PCX
Wow such an intelligent advice
DeleteMARRIED PEOPLE: be sensitive to your partners. When they make complaint, try not to be defensive/dismissive. Reflect, discuss, see if you can comprise a bit, that's how to preserve the union. Stop thinking (s)he is going nowhere, na so e dey always rant... always develop and learn. The structure of an old house will need more maintenance than a new one, so, as your marriage anniversary years increase you must become intentional in checking how your spouse is faring.
ReplyDeletePCX
This too
DeleteYou married her like that oga, it's too later to change her
ReplyDeleteI do feel sad reading this chronicle and some comments telling him not to take her out to some places and also telling him to tell her to change. All ye perfect people i hail thee! I can't just deal with some humans and the society. Who even said someone has to behave in a particular way? We all can't be loud or calm, can't be decent or indecent, can't be intelligent or unintelligent, can't be normal or abnormal. Variety is the spice of life. Let people be. Live and let live. Gosh! I have OCD which i inherited from my dad, i know how miserable i get sometimes and how annoying i can be to some people. The earlier people learn that we are all different the better the world will be. We need to tolerate one and another. Why should i be embarrassed about a particular way someone behaves much more sending in chronicle about my spouse's so called bad behaviour, who says that's a bad behaviour? The society? To hell with the society and its pressures. Making people behave in a particular way that makes them unhappy for the rest of their lives. A very upsetting chronicle
ReplyDelete