Hmmmm....
ADVICE NEEDED
Please I have a question. I left my 4yrear old daughter with her dad while I travelled for a four month course, when I got back my daughter became a shadow of herself and looked like a skeleton with mosquito bites and other injuries on her body.
I don't want to go into details cos you'll shed tears.
I went and carried my daughter and the father sent me a text that it's either I bring her back to his house or I change my daughters surname from his..
This girl has been with me since she was born till when I went for this course o.. so should I change her surname to mine or I should leave it? The man has'nt been doing his fatherly duties since she was born born:
The only question i need to ask is if you checked if she was tampered with.....
Why does he want her back when he has not been doing his duties? Please take your daughter for check up and dont try to leave her with any male again!
Leave the surname as it is but if he begins to make too much wahala, just change it, he is the one that will lose out in the end.......
I pity that innocent girl more, because you're more concerned about the surname than her health
ReplyDelete*Larry was here*
What has his useless name done for your child? take your daughter and dash him his useless name.
DeleteI took her for a checkup immediately and she's fine. I actually wrote this December but Stella post it today thank God. I took my daughter to him bcos of people's mouth, that she needs to spend time with her dad, that they need to bond and all that... I even got a phone for my daughter to be communicating with him and he blocked her, I just told my daughter his phone is faulty. I don't want drama at all
DeleteThank GOD all is well with her and she wasn't tampered with. Please call his bluff. Stay with your child..he might come around later
DeleteAdd your surname to her name. Eg her name,ur surname and her dad's surname.
DeleteYeye
DeleteHorrible Father
Hisssss
Please dont take your daughter back to him ooo,from what you explained here it shows that he is not capable of taking care of her.like stella said take her for proper check up first before you can conclude on what to do..
ReplyDeleteDon't change her surname. She'll will do that when she's an adult. But if he's making a hullabaloo out of it, get a lawyer to witness the denial of his daughter...for future's sake. If you can't afford a lawyer, save his messages or record his voice notes asking to change her surname. He can change the story tomorrow.
DeleteChange the surname and move on. I hate child neglect and I have no respect for someone who will neglect their own child. How hard is it to feed, bathe and protect a child. Please ensure she has not been tampered with and never trust anyone to take care of your child again. Some ppl see children as burdens and impediments to have around daily.
ReplyDeleteWhat a useless “father”
Deletechange the surname now. the man is already irresponsible why do you want your daughter to be tied to him since you can fully take care of her yourself? take the girl to the hospital for a full screening coz men nowadays sleep with their babies. also think about this, if the surname isnt changed he will stress you out if you one day decide to Japa with your daughter.
ReplyDeleteThis your story is not complete. Are you married, divorced and co-parenting???
ReplyDeleteJust asking to know why changing of surname is an issue ???
Na that first question Stella ask na e dey my mind gangan as I dey read this chronicle.
ReplyDeletePoster do wetin Stella talk.
You are good, take care of your child
Pls oh why changing her name, keep enough evidence.because tomorrow when e go change mouth, keep enough ooo.
ReplyDeleteSome men and their ego. Please keep that innocent girl with you no matter what.
ReplyDeleteIt’s not ego, it’s a daft, insensitive and spiteful person who is neglectful and dangerous. A child can die in his lack of care
DeleteWomen are suffering oh but look well before you get married
ReplyDeleteDid you take her to the hospital for a thorough check? Or you're concerned about a father who hasn't been there for her since she was born, a father that hasn't done his duty by her. Between you and the father, I dunno who's more careless.
ReplyDeleteHaaa this is a clear case of child neglect...Oh my God! I am sorry about this, Poster....Please take her to the hospital immediately...Did he really father your daughter? Cos he is behaving like he didn't...He must be a horrible & an irresponsible person....
ReplyDeletePlease take care of your baby girl...Don't worry she will be fine...
All the best
Nawa for some men sha
ReplyDeleteDon't take that child to that useless man you called her father 😠
Take care of your child and remove the damn name asap
Poster please take your child to the hospital for checkup before talking about changing of surname or not
ReplyDeletePls take your daughter to hospital. With the description above, please don't take her back to her father.
ReplyDeleteJeeessssusss 🙆
This is my fear, i so much want my kids to spend time with their dad despite not been alive to his responsibilities, but i am scared of someone playing with my kids with hope he can have as many as he wants in future *tears*
ReplyDeletePoster please check that your daughter was not tampered with.
Build her confident back, leave the surname like that till otherwise.
Next time you are travelling arrange with a trust worthy family to handle your kid and please be in contact with her anywhere you are.
God bless you and all struggling single mothers.
I would have said u should let your kids spend time with their father if you feel he will be responsible but this one you say he doesn't do his responsibilities 🤷🏾♀️
DeleteI was the only child between my parents when they separated, and as a kid, I used to go spend time with my father, my uncles or my cousins from my father's side. Nothing untoward ever happened to me and nobody molested me.
Infact when I went to spend time with my cousins, I would be hungry regularly because them no too get money, I would come back home with mosquito and sand fly bites....it didn't stop my mum from allowing me go spend time with them, she just started to give me some money to take with me... Sometimes my cousins would steal some of the money 😄 but we survived. Today, those my uncles don't bat an eyelid sending their kids with me and my husband on holiday.
It pains me that whenever one talks about leaving their daughter with the father on this blog, people would begin to fly into conclusions of child molestation. That it happens perhaps in 1 in 500cases doesn't make it a regular occurrence.
And nobody should say that was then and this is now, it's most probably the same rate now as it was 15-20 years ago.
And for Poster, your husband is wrong for giving you that sort of ultimatum but don't join in his madness for your daughter's sake. Unfortunately, this is nigeria and her surname matters a lot, leave the surname like that, there is nothing he can do, let him keep being silly, na him go tire.
DeleteAnon 17:28, thank God for the wonderful men on your father's side but please don't downplay the prevalence of child sexual abuse (even male children), and this keeps happening when the people that should investigate and ask questions trust molesters with their children. BVs, shine your eyes so you can spot a potential molester and protect your children.
DeleteYour first concern should be her wellbeing. Take her for proper checkups . The surname is no issue at all.
ReplyDeleteHmmm, please take your daughter for thorough medical exam.
ReplyDeleteAlso stylishly use treats and games to ask the baby some vital questions so as to know if her father abused her.
You can take your decision on the surname issue later, for now focus on bringing back your daughter to her usual self.
Which useless name. Remove his ancestor’s name self. Rubbish. I Hope your girl was not sexually abused.
ReplyDeleteA useless man’s name has no value
DeleteThis chronicle just make me sad 😢 only God knows what that beast of a father did to that innocent girl.
ReplyDeleteTake your baby away from that man and never look back.
ReplyDeleteTake your daughter to the hospital, she should get nedically assessed... she should also be checked for any signs of sexual molestation. These are important before you start thinking of name change.
ReplyDeleteApparently your child appears to do well living with you. If you ever getting into a custody battle, the health summary from this hospital visit will support your claims of child neglect.
Next time vett whom you live your wards with be female or male... the world can be crazy towards innocent kids
If the man had not been doing his fatherly role before, why did you entrust him with the child. On that ground, accept a part of the blame. Or is it a case of him not doing as much as you want him to do.
ReplyDeleteIf he is as described, and the child was really uncared for as claimed, why are you bothered if he wants his name off her name?
If you choose to remove his name, do every thing to keep that SMS. In fact, get him non-confrontational, to repeat on record anyhow or anyway recordable that he wants his name off her name.
But what would be the gain? You very well know in your guts that what he said was out of anger over the other issues between you both and maybe towards your reaction to the state of the child when you came back.
Unless you deliberately poison the heart of you daughter, it is her alone who will eventually decide who is her father.
Go do a health check on your child back and nurse her back to full health and leave the sapping Baby Mama and Baby Daddy saga.
A father that cannot take care of his child is that one a father????? Poster don't be unfortunate this afternoon PLEASE DROP THE USELESS SURNAME AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE! You are even expecting money for upkeep from that man??? My dear take care of your daughter and stay far away from that idiot that calls himself a father. WHO SURNAME HELP????
ReplyDeleteNo vex.
DeleteTruth is bitter but it is.
Surname helps.
Those of us who have enjoyed the help and protection of surnames know it helps in diverse ways.
The yeye name of today can be the Name tomorrow.
Here is not to justify the man's behaviour.
But surname helps.
Madam, how were you sleeping well knowing full well that you left a 4year old daughter not for a week, not for 2 wks but for a whole 4months? A mother is a mom, all the days of her life. U no try at all, and from what u have written, since u went for the course, u were not coming bck to check up on her atleast monthly. In this age and time of video call sef, were you not doing video call to see and talk to ur daughter? Because if you had done either of these two things i mentioned, u would have noticed the first signs of neglect, when they started.
ReplyDeleteCome back and narrate the full story and say the truth, you are not saying the whole truth, you just cut out the portion of the story that would whip up sentiment especially from women. There are so many loopholes from ur story. We are waiting, whenever u r ready.
They seized ur phone at the gate immediately u enter the academy but I sneak to talk to the dad with one of the officers phone and he was not always with her. When I got back I was unrecognizable bcos of the thought of my daughter.. I don't joke with my daughter I have every means to lock him up for the rest of his life but I am not that kind a person, let God judge him accordingly. I just want to know if changing the surname like he said is the right thing to do
DeleteCourse to improve her life and earning capacity na bad thing? The male adult is not human, I can’t do this to my own innocent 4 yr old child, he is less than useless
DeleteCourse to improve her life and earning capacity na bad thing? The male adult is not human, I can’t do this to my own innocent 4 yr old child, he is less than useless
DeleteAll u are bothered about now is the surname.. Will the name take u to heaven?
ReplyDeleteKai this is so sad
ReplyDeleteSince you knew he was this bad b4 why then did you take your precious baby to him.
Pls priotise nursing her back to good health for now, and surname wahala later, except sexual abuse was involved.
Receive strength OK, I feel so pained. 4yrs old is too little to process sudden changes and trauma.
Be strong mama!!!
Mummy, take her to the hospital and do a general check up abeg cuz I dey fear ooooo
ReplyDeleteSome men don't worth to be called a father I swear
You should be more concerned about your daughter's health and wellbeing than some unimportant name that she'll still do away with on the long run.
ReplyDeletePls take very good care of your daughter and protect her from preys. A female child has been an endangered specie since time immemorial.
I know what I suffered in hands of men as a child growing up and I blamed my mum for it.
Be careful when taking the advice of faceless internet people when it concerns vital issues such as this. You know your culture, you know the implications of your daughter not having her father's surname in most Nigerian cultures. Have you even thought of the effect it will have on your daughter? All the explanation you have to give her and the ones she will have to explain to people. Don't change her surname because of thoughtless emotions of her father, you and BVs, think very well before you make this type of decision
ReplyDeleteCulture that doesn't punish an irresponsible father is useless to everyone. There is no consequence unless the poster relates with people who uphold tradition over truth. Change the child's surname and move on with your life. Have you male relates act the role of fatherly figure in her life and ask God to look after her. When he wants his child he knows what to do. Or at the appropriate time he can complain that bride price was paid to the wife...it has happened and it will still happen. No one suffers fools anymore in the name of forgive and forget. People remember and set appropriate boundaries...
DeleteLiability culture is dying out fast, useless fathers are no longer indulged by normal thinking humans. He is a kang, wicked, selfish and useless father
DeleteThank you very much @17:42
DeleteThe man did bad.
Apparently she gave him back.
Baby mama and papa issues came up.
Because of that she should change the child's name?
She didn't since he allegedly was not caring for her.
Why now.
18:13
Culture punishes when we follow the cultural steps.
In the narrative, where was cultural steps taken without results?
Any report to the man's parents?
Any report to her own parents to take up the abdication of responsibility issue with the man's parents.
Anyway, baby mama and papa is not cultural this side.
Poster can therefore do what she likes. It is the Constitution of her Country that will decide until the child becomes a legal adult.
If I picked up my child looking a shadow of herself to the point of tears and the father giving me an ultimatum like that, I would change her name and keep my child. I despise threats and ultimatums. I am not even following God’s law most of the time it’s some man’s ruling that I am going to follow to please him for what? Mtsscchhwww
DeletePlease do not take that child back to that yeye man, you should protect your child, take food care of her and when she is of age she can make decisions who to stay with but right now keep her away from that man.
ReplyDeleteYou are listening to what people will say, when the chips are down same people will insult you and call you names. They will tah you that you followed another man and left the child with her father. Make sure you do what is right and not what people say.
You left a 4 years old for 4 whole months with her dad?
ReplyDeleteHaaa, you tried
Never leave your child with him again, he doesn’t have the mental capacity to care for his daughter
ReplyDeleteWhere are the Kings on this matter, we need your input biko!
ReplyDeleteNa Igbo woman change her surname instead of you to take your daughter to the hospital for check up ,years to come cos of surname siblings will get married unknow to each other
ReplyDelete