Hmmmm......
SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
Stella,
I need BVs to help me cause I'm going crazy. I just put to bed and I moved to my in-laws house. I thought we will only do my child's naming there but my son is clocking a month on Wednesday and it doesn't look like we're leaving anytime soon..
I don't know why I can't ask my husband when we're leaving but I think I'm scared of him Flaring up cause he has embarrassed and insulted me twice here in front of his family since I gave birth.
The issue is the MIL has been giving my child herbs since he was a week old. I argued, and tried to stop them from giving such tender child the herbs that has no measurement to no avail. She made agbo jedi, agbo oka and now my son has rashes and they want to take him to the herb woman to make another herbs for him.
Making 3 different herbs for a 3week old. My husband Isn't saying a thing even after I've expressed my displeasure. Sometimes, my baby vomits or even choke, I don't know if this is normal for a baby to vomit up to 40ml breastmilk.
Im not talking about the normal reflux o. My mum has called to say she doesn't support herbs and they keep gossiping me. What do I do? How do I stop these people from using anything on my own child especially orally? I feel like a weak woman who can't protect her son but I've tried my best.
You know how these in-laws can be and I am avoiding trouble with them as no family member of mine is here to defend me.
******
I am sorry that i feel this way but i feel like slappng yopu so bad...Your childs life might be in danger and you are still doing husband and in laws? take your child and run away from that place...End that rubbish agbo jedi jedi marriage if need be!
Are you finiancially dependent on your husband that you dont have a voice?Dont you work or have your own money? There is no advice better than telling you to lleave that house ASAP!!!
What are u still doing there?
ReplyDeleteJust leave with ur child..
DeleteShe is not scared to open her legs wide for him but scared to talk to him. What a marriage!
Next year, another baby will enter and the cycle continues.
Women, marry your friends!
Poster, don't leave with your baby except you can stand on your own if the marriage packs up. Cos, the way it is, the marriage can pack up if you try that, considering the type of nonsense man that you married.
The agbos they give your baby will not harm him, Yorubas use them since time immemorial. Just be patient with them. You won't live there forever.
You tried talking to him and he flared up and insulted you twice. Why did you marry this type of man?
DeleteMoney?
Time was against you?
You didn't date?
You married a tiger who doesn't have any regard for you, no love sef.
You better behave yourself before they beat you in your current condition.
Those telling you to run away with your baby, appeal to them to contribute money for you, cos you will need plenty money. That man may just warn you never to return to his house.
Poster be like make I sound your face from this my phone. Where are your parents, family members, your siblings nko?
DeleteWhy can't someone of you just learn to stand up for yourselves for goodness sake!!
You cannot wake up, carry your child and load and run without looking back abi?
Take a pick of any teaching hospital around you, go to the paediatric unit, preferably their ICU or neonatal unit and see how babies are struggling to survive there, go to the nephrology unit and see kids with kidney failure, maybe those images will give you the rude awakening you need to ACT.
If you like, let them kill your child for you, you will live to forever blame yourself for being slow in that your dead on arrival marriage.
Ohh, I had not even finished reading your story and Stella's black pen before typing my comment.
DeleteStories like yours rile me up so bad, I hate innocent kids suffering, especially when it's totally avoidable.
So your mum is even alive and has expressed displeasure with what's going on and you stay put like Dundee united there, fearing what will happen when? This is where bad parenting starts from, your child depends on you to fight for him/her but here you are acting like they tied your legs in that house.
If anything happens to that child, you will be to blame 💯, no exception!!! I dey vex I swear!!!
18:03 is it not better for her not to ever return to his house? This marriage where she doesn't have peace of mind in , is it better than being single with peace of mind? At least she has a child she can call her own now and her mum can assist her if she leaves, pending when she would find a handiwork.
DeleteMaybe. They are giving him Excess Agbo ooo which is not even good for his system..
DeleteAlthough Yoruba gives little baby Agbo but it has to be measured by the Mother of the Child oo Incase if the baby has EAllea oo
Just one small baby spoon that very smallest spoon oo
Give morning and night then is Okay.
Sometimes too the mother drinks enough so the baby can suck it from mummy breast , I did that when I gave birth to my son cos he has Allea oo
But why giving Agbo does the baby have any healthy issue?
If your new born does not have any health issue abeg Biko carry am from them and tell them to stop giving him Agbo..
Nne Biko do it with Wisdom ooo
No quarry no Fight ooo
Which one you come dey fear person wan you dey nack
It is well with you🙏🙏
Hello iya boys
Did I read son?
DeleteMale child wey I no dey use play, hmmmmmm I fit bite person join if u near my son, not like I don't like girls o but omor anything for the boys
Stella's blue pen needs a refill. Poster I am so scared for your son. He is too tender for all what they are doing and he seems to be reacting to all those herbs. Don't because you want to please people allow them to kill or cause problems for your son. Put your feet down and tell them you are doing exclusive breastfeeding. Explain to your husband about the health and safety of your child. As much as possible always be with your baby and put a STOP to ANY nonsense they want to do. Let them hate you nau. If anything happens to your son , you would hate yourself even more. If all fails, run away with that boy.
DeleteMadam carry you son and run away from that danger house..go to your family house, when your husband is ready to do the needful by taking you straight to your own house he knows where to find you..that baby's life is in your hands right now..even me as Adult dont like taking all those herbal medicines.
ReplyDeleteMadam sorry about the issue. Do you have a family friend of your husband or a spiritual person your husband respect to talk to him and make him see reason you not suppose to be in that house. God see you through
ReplyDeleteWhy can’t you just pack up and go to back to your marital home ?! Or you don’t have a home to go to ? This chronicle annoys me to no end !
ReplyDeleteYes you’re a weak woman ! Is it Tfare you don’t have to go back ? Also how did you end up marrying a man you’re afraid of ? Are you that financially dependent on him ?
My friend move ! You’re not a tree !
She is afraid of him in other issues except opening of legs for him. May my daughters not marry rubbish. Amen
DeleteEven when I was not working and broke, hubby did not ever treat me badly.
E no annoy you reach me. I legit want to shake this woman and konk her head.
DeleteI know what my eyes saw when I worked at Oni and sons paediatric hospital in Ibadan.
So many cases of mother in laws, grandmothers wrecking havoc with their ancient practices and the mothers of the baby acting all docile, till complications arise
The opening of leg might even be force. Do you think it's all women that enjoy sex with their husbands after the first few months into the marriage? She can't dare to say 'no sex' to this kind of husband even when she is angry and keeping malice with him.
DeleteMadam leave that house with immediate alacrity and take your baby to the hospital.
ReplyDeleteIf anything happen to that baby, you'll be the loser and you'll never forgive yourself.
Pls poster, what are you people still doing in your in-laws place?
May God give us the wisdom to handle our inlaws.
Shebi your mum has a house? Ho there, that child will give up and you will be blamed by the same people giving him agbo. Common na
ReplyDeleteWell...i don't know where this falls, but your inlaws are not your family..Carry your argument else where
ReplyDeleteOmo!! Poster what is this chronicle you are sending here? What in the tried-your-best are you talking about?...Are you joking?
ReplyDeleteCan't you tell him that you want to visit a health care centre for his regular check up and immunization? Just to get him out of that place. Or ask your mom to pick you up from the house or something? Your child is already suffering enough why are you feeling helpless..
Omo this chronicle dey vex me no be small
Your inlaws are not your family
ReplyDeleteThank you anon, some will never love or appreciate you, no matter what you do for them. I learnt my lesson earlier. Now I dey my lane o.
DeleteIs it possible for your mum to call your husband and beg him to release you for some days because she is down and need your help. She promises to release you within a few days. Stay as long as you want then when it’s time to go back, head to your own house.
ReplyDeleteBut how can you be in your in laws house and your rent is running abi there’s something you aren’t saying 😕🙁
I think it's omugwo-ish, only that na she go there
DeleteTrue my sister
Delete@Fidel, you are correct, yet she has not come to this realisation. Stella, you should know by now that many of us women enter marriage lacking a necessary financial voice. It seems that many of our men prefer it this way, where they can exert control over us without our input. Some are quite vocal about it.
Delete@Poster, your feelings of being overwhelmed and concerned for your child’s welfare are completely understandable. The situation you’re in is indeed challenging, but there are steps you can take to address it. You know your husband better than any of us, the onus lies with you to determine the optimal moment to engage in an open dialogue with him. Express your concerns calmly and clearly, emphasizing the health and safety of your child. It’s crucial that both of you present a united front when discussing the matter with your in-laws, his parents by extension.
Concerning the administration of herbs (Agbo), although some may be beneficial, they must be used with caution in infants. This is a cultural practice for many parents, who often turn to traditional medicine as their initial solution. The effects of herbal remedies on infants can vary, and without proper dosage and understanding, they can potentially cause more harm.
The impact of herbal remedies on infants can be varied, and without precise dosing and comprehension, they may cause additional harm. It would be prudent for your husband to gently persuade his parents to postpone such treatments, especially if your child is exhibiting adverse reactions like rashes or excessive vomiting more than what is considered normal for infants, which is usually a small amount after feeding, it could be a sign of an underlying issue that may need quick medical attention.
When interacting with your in-laws, establishing boundaries is essential for all relationships, whether within the family, amongst friends, between couples, or with neighbours. It appears that you and your husband have not succeeded in this regard. Politely amd subtly but firmly assert your role as a mother and the primary caregiver, making it clear that any decisions regarding your child’s health should be made by you and your husband. If direct communication is challenging, consider involving a neutral third party, such as family members from both sides, to aid in these discussions.
You must acknowledge that your departure from this place may not be imminent unless your mother can diplomatically advocate for her presence to nurse and care for you and her grandchild in your home, particularly if you have married into a family with controlling tendencies. However, seeking the best for your child does not make you weak; advocating for their health demonstrates strength. It is equally important to look after your own well-being during this period, as your physical and mental health is just as important.
May you be granted the wisdom to navigate this situation effectively, and may your husband be inspired to discern wisely and offer you his support.
"It seems that many of our men prefer it this way, where they can exert control over us without our input. Some are quite vocal about it."
DeleteMost times, a woman's financial capacity is not felt in a marriage.
Even when some women's financial freedom come from their husbands' empowerment, trouble starts in their marriages when their husbands ask for their involvement in family financing.
A wife was jobless but earned N30K in her last job. Her husband earns N350k. He prayed for the wife to start earning as much as he does so she can start contributing 50-50 in the marriage financing. The wife did not say amen. She preferred another job of N30K, right? That is where she is today. Why? Simple: A wife does not contribute to her family finance.
Men see it that a woman's income that does not impact on the family is valueless.
So, majority of men do not consider it as one of the criteria for wife selection.
On the other hand, in some (if not in majority of) cases, the woman uses her earning capacity as a threat and or harassment weapon.
Most female Bvs who send chronicles on "I earn well and can take care of my Kids, I want to leave" rarely speak about their contributions to the marital financing.
Many men who can financially care for themselves and their children prefer to avoid such threats or harassment from rich or richer wives.
On the other hand, the typical woman wants to marry higher. And because of the general economic situation, the bigger money or earning capacity of the man is highly considered in deciding the man to marry. A woman having 4 figure income wants a 6 figure income man.
Back to the Poster.
Until she says why she cannot return to her matrimonial residence and or why her family cannot come carry her from that place, her chronicle is incomplete. All advice to her to leave the place and, IF need be, let the marriage end is just bull manure.
People should learn to write full chronicles to get better advice than the usual baton on husbands' head or whip on in-laws backs.
See Sunday's chronicle? It was clear the brother had a reason of calling the Poster. But she presented it as a social or relational issue between her and her sister-in-law.
Mercifully, she was told by some BVs that the call was related to financial issue. She has now confirmed it.
Everything Poster is facing is from a matter she did not write in the chronicle. But the logical solution is for her to go home to her parents. Why is she avoiding this simple logical solution? The answer is the solution to her marital challenge and current child care challenge.
Ebony oge
DeleteHian!
Wetin na?
Small thing, you don type novel
Release her for some days because her mum is sick? No dear, I believe this would worsen the maltreatment on her because a time will come when he would want his wife to do same for his own mum even when she newly puts to bed. Owning to the fact that, if she could take care of her own mother in her condition, she can aslo do same for his own mum
DeleteNa wah, I pray nothing happens to the poor child.
ReplyDeleteU are till in that danger zone asking questions.i don't understand we women self.you are watching them doing all that and you are afraid to save your own child.if anything happens to that child ,the will find a way to blame you and you will never forgive yourself for not leaving on time.why you even marry man wey no be your friend and the family no love you??
ReplyDelete🙆🙆, pick your slippers, your son and run away. If you don't have anywhere to hide, please run back to your family, the marriage can be sorted out later.
ReplyDeleteIf your baby is vomiting such amount of breast milk what is he surviving on? Please tell them you want to visit your mum and go with your baby. Don't be weak and helpless I beg you, the pain will be unbearable if anything go wrong.
ReplyDeleteChai, may God help you. Tell your husband if anything happens to the boy, you will place curse on him.
ReplyDeleteMao Akuh
Take your child and vamoose. Na you born am, you have a say. Yes he has a name but you also went on a journey to birth him.
ReplyDeleteWhat was the reason for which you moved to your inlaws?
What worked for his Mum was then it won't work now oooo
A word is enough for the wise.
poster since your husband is too big for you both to discuss as adults and come to an understanding, i will advice you try one more time when you both are together having a nice time to discuss this issue with him one more time when you both will be leaving to your own house. I hope your husband is not planning to dope you with his family cos this are signs of that.
ReplyDeleteHow comes you did not discuss this with your husband before you bother left to his family house? you both would have agreed on how long you will be staying there and how much time you both have to spend there. No place like your home when you have your time to do things as you wish, since you have your mother alive please tell your husband that your family member especially your mum want to come see her grandchild. Tell him you people will come back to his family house after your mum sees her grandchild. Find ways to make this matter sweet to him so that you can leave that house.
If your child is ill, you should take him to the doctor to see the doctor than giving herbs.
You better stand up and fight for that ur little child. You are the mother and whatever u decide on ur child is law! No mother in law has the right to give ur child what u didn’t sanction! None!
ReplyDeleteIf they won’t comply, you better take that child and move back home (I have no idea why you people had to move there for naming in the first place, ur own house dey forbid naming???
Better a broken marriage than leaving ur child exposed to all sorts! WTF!
Agbo already at 3 weeks? Are they planning to kill that child? If you are scared of your inlaws, get healthcare people involved from where you take your child for vaccination. Let them involve police on your behalf if it has to get to that. This is Insane!
ReplyDeletePoster does sound like someone who can stand up for herself, talk more of standing up for her baby. More like a door mat.
DeletePeople are being too harsh on this lady, not everyone can do granta. She has to find the strength . It is very hard to be a strong woman I. Nigeria in the middle of "inlaws". I have been there😢
DeleteNot*
DeleteAre they trying to sacrifice your child? what does a tender infant has to do with herbs? The entire thing reeks of suspicion, your husband talking to you anyhow is also questionable. Where are your own parents. Let them come for you under pretext of family tradition and go your ppl’s side. Or go back to your base and let your mom come to your own home. Keep a log book of every incident and start taking pictures of the rashes and what not. Yes, you need to get out of that place immediately, but you need to be strategic how you leave because you are in his place and around his family ppl so they have power in numbers and with the patrilineal setup of most cultures you must use your head wisely. No time to go crazy, you need every sense in your head to pull off your exit smoothly. And you must do all of it while showing a smiling and happy face to everyone. May God deliver you and the baby smoothly and safely and give you the wisdom of the right story to tell and the right way to leave.
ReplyDeleteYou also should take the baby to the doctor for the vomiting and for the rashes asap. When you are at the doctor you can explain the herbs the child has been given by the grandmother. You need that record out there so if anything happens to the child, God forbid, there is a record of it, cause they strike me as the type who will try to point the finger at you, especially since you appear to be a first time mum.
Ladies have your own money before getting married and birth the number of babies you can comfortably take care of , but you ladies will be hailing Saida.
ReplyDeleteThey are feed you child agbo but you can't react because appears there is no money to move on if shit hits the fan.
I don't get myself involve in husband and wife or girlfriend and boyfriend matter.
Thank you
DeleteIf shit hits the fan, where will she start from without money? Let her use her brain o
Yea, Having your own money is everybody's prayer, But remember all fingers are not equal,But everyone won't have money before a marriage should work out, Just pray for a good and understanding partner. It's quite unfortunate, she's going through this.
DeleteYou need to voice out o. Tell him you guys should leave. You have to look for a cogent reason to leave that house. Women that are financially dependent on thier husband's should still have voice else you will be cheated. Speak out abeg tell him you need to go home and let your baby get used to your home to acclimatise to it so that he doesn't fall ill all the time. You need to apply wisdom and act fast
ReplyDeleteOP it's time to activate the mama bear in you. Since they don't listen, it's time to leave that house. God forbid something serious happens to your son. You'd never forgive yourself and I'm sure you're husband and his family will blame you. Your only job right now should be protecting your child. Damn the consequences.
ReplyDeleteTell you family to come and rescue you if you are trapped and can’t leave by yourself or tell your hubby you need to go to the hospital and peel out from there. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI don't get, a child that you suffered to birth is whose life you are joking with? You better follow Stella's advice, LEAVE!!! go to your mum's place for now. What rubbish! except you are waiting for them to let you go but with a dead child. Ahn Ahn! 3weeks?? I am so annoyed.
ReplyDeletePack your bag and leave.
ReplyDeleteAgbo to bath for rashes is ok, and i think ppl use it in very small quantities for rashes ,ezcema in babies orally also but what is agbo jedi for? Is he eating sugar?
And oka,fonatelle? What will agbo do for that?
Pack your bag and leave.
ReplyDeleteAgbo to bath for rashes is ok, and i think ppl use it in very small quantities for rashes ,ezcema in babies orally also but what is agbo jedi for? Is he eating sugar?
And oka,fonatelle? What will agbo do for that?
If your child dies, you will not forgive yourself, run away as soon as you can.
ReplyDeleteThe child will not die
DeleteYorubas use the herbs since our forefathers days.
It seems you didn't experience pain while carrying/giving birth of your child? Act like a mother for Christ's sake.
ReplyDeleteYour Husband insulted you twice in his family's presence? I'm sorry about what you are going through but didn't you notice that he doesn't respect you before you marry him? Cos I'm sure he didn't just start showing the signs.
ReplyDeleteHe is supposed to have your back and protect you from his family, him insulting you in their presence will give them power to do and say anything they like to you and be won't lift a finger. I don't wish such on any female I care about.
Pls wait till your son is up to 40days, that is when most cultures allow a woman and her new born to go out . Then your mum can call your in-laws that they should allow you to come and visit her. From your mum's place, go to your husband's house straight. I hope he doesn't set the house on fire for you don't go back to his family house.
Well, he is your husband, you married him. Manage him.
As for the herbs, most Yoruba families use them for newborns, when the parents of the newborn do not object.
My mother-in-law wanted to try it on our first child but hubby did not allow her. We had already discussed it before our first child came, we planned not to allow herbs for our baby and he stood by our agreement.
No, she should not wait till 40days, that culture is not cast in stone, I'm Yoruba and started going out a few days after I gave birth, time is ticking for poster. Those people will feed that child the agbo as long as she stays in that house. It takes only a few hours for a baby's kidney to shut down and pack up permanently.
DeletePoster don't sleep in that house by tomorrow.
If you have to travel to your parents house, or friend or even your pastor's family, whatever, just move out of that house.
Most times, the abusive ones do not show any sign, they are always sweet and kind, until you enter the marriage, So forget sign Fatee.
DeleteMarriage na wah oh
ReplyDeleteKai women' what we go through in the name of marriage. You marry a man you cannot talk to. Sometimes I feel like crying on some wedding days. You see a woman so happy and all dancing on a wedding day but enter marriage and begin to be sad.Poster just run datsall.
ReplyDeleteNa so. The wedding day is a deceiver I tell you.
DeleteMy dear azinnnn...I'm so jaded about nigerian marriages. They are mostly hellish.
DeleteThey'll just kill him or damage vital organ like kidney or liver. Madam I must marry. Imagine being married and scared to talk to him. And you'll still open leg for whom you're scared of.
ReplyDeletePlease RUN away with your baby . RUN home. Also have it at the back of your mind that it will cause major issues or break your marriage.
ReplyDeleteSince your husband can't even defend you right now and he is already embarrassing a new mum in public.
Please run now this will just be the beginning of so many issues
The way I feel whenever I see posts like this ehn...chai!Anything concerning children dey pepper my body.
ReplyDeleteMake I just address you in a subtle way : PLEASE FIND YOUR VOICE AND LEAVE THE FAMILY HOUSE FOR THE SAKE OF YOUR SON!!!
Thank you as you listen
E no pepper you reach me, see me dropping comments anyhow.
DeleteAnything concerning babies like this raises my antenna and temperature olohun gbo, I cannot keep calm.
That herbs for "oka" can kill a child. May we not sorrow over our children
ReplyDeleteAmen and Amen. She seems to be very weak,from the emotional torture,the husband and in-laws have put her through.
DeleteTrue. My in-laws wanted to give my daughter, I vehemently refused. Any agbo they bring, I told them NO hooha and stood my ground. I only accepted the flower to bath for rashes. That one set, I asked my mom and she said it's okay. Til today they do not like me and say orishirishi things but I no care. My children first.
DeleteSorry poster, it's not easy being in the midst of in-laws.. Anyone you don't want, tell them no and stand by it.
Kai this is what happens when you don't marry your friend.
ReplyDeleteYou've to brace up and tell your husband that you want to go back to your home!
Even if you marry your "friend " in Nigeria, they turn into amadioha after marriage. Didn't you see Yvonne jegedes story?. They believe marriage is a bed of thorn for a wife so they do anyhow.
DeleteFemilicious, marrying one's friend doesn't mean there won't be issues but the issues will be easily settled just like friends fight and make up. I married my friend and it is the best decision I ever made.
DeletePoster, they want to kill your child.
ReplyDeleteSince your husband is under their remote control, it's time to fight for your child.
Best option is to move out of that surrounding and visit an hospital immediately.
Flee before they kill that child.
Madam you are still there asking questions? Flee with your baby asap, go to your parents, if that ends tge marriage so be it oo,atleadt you gained a child.
ReplyDeleteSee advice.. lol
DeleteSome of you make me laugh.
See your mouth like "End the marriage"
Hmm... This generation of women should learn to thread with caution.
Iya Nimi, you don’t know the meaning of ‘if’ in that her sentence?
DeleteAda, for real?
DeleteHow many of your female relatives ended their marriage over something small like this? Those that they are beating like thieves and cheating on with infections here and there, have they ended their marriages?
Poster use your brain o
Iya nimi and anon go back and read again and this time comprehend it.
DeleteTake Stella's advice and kiss your marriage goodbye.
ReplyDeleteTake it from someone who has had similar experience, 'Gragra' no go solve anything when inlaws are involved particularly when the hubby is docile.
Nothing will happen to the baby, I'm sure it's your first child or even your MIL's first grand child, reason for the overprotective overbearing attitude.
During my own time, me and my MIL was constantly at loggerhead because of my daughter.( she was the first grandchild of my MIL, and considering that she was an illiterate, it was super hard.)
Be patient with them, instead, monitor her when she is bathing the baby, explain the health implications in the most subtle way void of arrogance, condescension and anger, I'm certain she's uneducated, but if she's insisting (which she won't depending on how you address the issue), let her have her way, the baby will be OK.
Your hubby trust his mother to handle the child, hence he brought everyone there.
Cheer up Dear, it's gonna be alright.
Take this advice
DeleteNothing will happen to the baby
Be patient with them.
As for your hubby's attitude, you wanted to marry desperately and ended marrying an arrogant, disrespectful man
Take this advice. If you run away with that child, your husband might not come for you. Forget all these gragra people are typing, use wisdom your child will be okay.
DeleteLol i was surprised reading the panic in the comment section o. Granted, it can be very uncomfortable watching someone else handle your kid especially as a first time mum but common naaa, the pikin no go die.
DeleteWhether we like to admit it or not, the liberties you have with your mum is very different than with your mil. Except on rare occasions. So na to dey use brain dey talk to her. I dunno about your hubby sha cos this disrespect you spoke about so...
But just bear with them small. Nor be there you go stay forever na. And I don't think your mil has any bad intention sha. NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOUR BABY!!!
👍Iya Nimi
Delete@poster,nothing will happen to your baby.
You said they give a 3weeks old baby herbs without measurement,this is the only area I have concern with,if that's truly the case then you need to tell her it's wrong in a respectful manner.
In Yoruba land,it's not a new thing to bath babies with herbs and drop just a drop or at most three drops in their mouth.
When I had my son,he had bad colics,he was just two weeks,there was no drugs that we didn't buy,it didn't work.
I hardly sleep,until one grandma staying in another compound asked me to get Ogiri,break in water and give him twice daily with a baby spoon,I was sceptical because I have never seen or eaten Ogiri myself.
I bought it and tried it and a boy that would wake the whole compound up slept through out the night, that I was checking to see if he was breathing every 30mins.
👍Iya Nimi
Delete@poster,nothing will happen to your baby.
You said they give a 3weeks old baby herbs without measurement,this is the only area I have concern with,if that's truly the case then you need to tell her it's wrong in a respectful manner.
In Yoruba land,it's not a new thing to bath babies with herbs and drop just a drop or at most three drops in their mouth.
When I had my son,he had bad colics,he was just two weeks,there was no drugs that we didn't buy,it didn't work.
I hardly sleep,until one grandma staying in another compound asked me to get Ogiri,break in water and give him twice daily with a baby spoon,I was sceptical because I have never seen or eaten Ogiri myself.
I bought it and tried it and a boy that would wake the whole compound up slept through out the night, that I was checking to see if he was breathing every 30mins.
Poster,I can feel your helplessness,from your writeup. Your husband is not a good man,his mum,is still living in stone age. You need to stand up for your son and stand firmly. Use idea and pack,some of your essentials and go to your parents house.
ReplyDeleteI remember when I took my first son to Lagos to see my mum...he was around 6 months or so...My mum wanted to help me feed him(pap) but instead of using spoon and cup...she decided to d old method of bending him and like forcing him(dnt know what it's called).
ReplyDeleteThe way I rushed to collect my pikin from her hand ehn...u will think she is not my mother..she was like" I can't kill ur child now"... didn't say u want to kill him...but I saw dat d baby wasn't comfortable with it..
Poster...i am very sure she doesn't mean any harm for ur baby...but pls speak up if u aren't comfortable with it
If you imagine losing your child due to liver damage or kidney disease, then you'll know what to do. Imagine having to pay for dialysis, or kidney transplant? Very wicked husband and in-laws!
ReplyDeleteWhy are you over staying at your in- laws place, is it because your husband is not financially strong enough? Talk to your husband one on one about this and your fears. Don't speak like a weak person. If he is not saying or ready to change the situation, carry the baby one day as if you are going for immunization and run to your mother's place. I just hope you are financially buoyant for this.
ReplyDeleteShe said she cannot talk to him. The man is Lord of the Rings.
DeleteHey Poster! how did you end up at your in-law's house? where were you the whole time you were pregnant? did you marry into your in-law's compound? Cos this your story does not provide enough background. If you have always been living there it is understandable that you gave birth there, but if you weren't living there while pregnant, you don't know how to go back to your own house???? what kind of nonsense is this? they are taking your child from one elewe omo to another when there is hospital? what is your occupation gan? are you and your husband jobless and are illiterates?? kinni gbogbo rada rada yi gan? Please carry that child to the hospital now! Tell your husband to meet you there. And once the baby is discharged, tell your husband you are going back to your own house.
ReplyDeleteThis your can only work if she married a good and considerate man. From her story, this will not work out well.
DeleteMeanwhile, which money will she use and take the child to hospital? Does she sound like someone that has money?
DeleteIf the horseband does not show up in the hospital, who will pay the bills?
Poster sit down where you are jeje o
In-laws are the major break ups in marriages.They will make happy couples become enemies,that's why it's important to build your home solidly with the word of God and get a spiritual leader (pastors, deacons,(imams if you are Muslims) e.t.c who can help settle dispute between the both of you when it's arises.
ReplyDeleteIts important we settle conflicts in marriages with love and with the fear of God because the devil will not stop attacking and destroying marriages
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Poster, have a discussion with your hubby.let him know you are ready to leave his family home after all your baby is a month old and you can take care of him/her.
Pls leave immediately to your house.
Have a discussion with which man? Tell him she wants to leave to where? You want him to give her a dirty slap?she married nonsense.
DeleteShe may be broke, it is broke women that they treat like this.
Let her just keep quiet and bear it, nothing will happen to her baby, Yorubas and herbs are 5 and 6
But the baby is vomiting. Baby is not ingesting milk well. So until he or she dies, then they’ll wake up??? Poster tell them you’re taking your baby to the hospital and run away from there. Stay with your mom iro help you out until you get on your feet! Fight for your child! You’re your baby’s voice! I’m Yoruba and sometimes I can’t stand our culture! I stay far away from my mother inlaw because my eyes saw shege when she visited when I gave birth.
DeleteDon't you have family members madam
ReplyDeletePlease take that child and run away
Your man will never listen to you cuz his mum is in charge
All of you saying she should run away with her baby. If her husband and his family disown her and the marriage ends as a result, hope you will give her money to stand on her feet and take care of herself and her baby? Including you SDK?
ReplyDeletePoster, be patient with them, the herbs will not kill your child. Yorubas have been using those herbs for centuries, nothing happened. Since you have a nonchalant husband, just be patient, before you lose your marriage. Abi, can you stand on your own for now? Will your family accept you or support you in every way if you don't have where to go?
These ones saying you should run, voice out, tackle them bla bla bla will not rent house for you, give you a job or business, support you financially and emotionally when they divorce you as a result of these advice.
As for the advisers, you read where she said her husband insulted her there, they gossip her and all sorts, you are telling her to run away with baby, run away to where?
Poster is most probably jobless and broke, coupled with the yeye man that she opened her eyes and married. Make una take time o.
I guess it’s better she should let the baby ‘suffer’ na since asking her to leave if they won’t yield to her instructions concern her own child is bad advice
DeleteYen yen yen, the herbs will not kill your child, boya you should enter hospital and see the number of children in the ICU for this same reason. Children less than 6 months are not even meant to be given water (as harmless as water is), because their kidneys are still very fragile not to talk of different strong herbs in just a few days.
DeleteDoes this man and his family even look like those who respect the sanctity of marriage or at least the opinion of the woman who opened her vajay to push the child out? Husband that bundled his wife under pretense of naming ceremony and kept her there with absolutely no explanations, and still steady adding insults join na better person?
Poster if you like, pick those people's happiness over your child's wellbeing, na you know.
My father died before I turned 4, leaving my brother and I in my mother's care yet we did not die!!!
There are widows and single mothers everywhere stepping up to the responsibility, is it easy? Absolutely no but if that's the only way out, then so be it.
Say what you want but a child few weeks old has no reason to be receiving herbs. Infant mortality rates are high in the country while life expectancy is low. Kidney and liver disease are way too rampant. Just because it has been done for centuries doesn’t mean it is good. The child is vomiting and breaking out in a rash, which could be a sign of having an allergic reaction.
DeleteI am from a culture that believes strongly in herbal medicine but not for a weeks old infant. Not even basic peppermint tea would anyone give to a child at that small age and size. The mother’s breast milk is the only expected thing and infant formula if a mother cannot breastfeed at that age. Herbs are too powerful for their system .
Take the child to the hospital fir a “regular” visit and from there just go straight home
ReplyDeleteYour husband will come and meet you there if he still wants this marriage
A child you carried in your womb is who they are using to play chess in your presence and you are keeping quiet??? Abeg you enter labour room at all??
ReplyDeletePls take that boy to health center (that is not too expensive).
This is saddening.
ReplyDeleteIt may be too late to run with your child. God forbid any complications due to the already ingested hetbs, you'll bear the brunt of a backwardly minded in-laws.
I suggest you beg your husband to stop his family from giving hetbs to the new born.
May God intervene and bail you out. Amen.
He won’t listen to her so what next??? The child shd die???
DeleteI think you should call your parents, so they can wade into the matter, since you don't like what they are giving to your child.
ReplyDeleteAnd you should fight for your child's life and health, Don't be scared of a man that you share a bed with, Speak out poster.
Is it until ur baby dies u will have the brain to move out of there.
ReplyDeleteA child u carried for 9months and passed through pains to give birth to, or maybe bcoz u did not roll on the floor in church, run from one prayer center to another and spend thousand for medicals
Madam you don't need advice, you know what to do.
If that child dies, they will still accuse you in one way or the other.
Fight for your child!!!!! You fckin’ woman!!! Stupid nonsense woman!! A kid shouldn’t be on that type of herbs!!! Leave now!!!!! Go to ministry of affairs if they won’t let you leave, call the police on them! Just do something and get the hell out there!! Who cares about your nonsense marriage!!!! Gosh I’m so madd!
ReplyDeleteChild's rashes will go on it's own na? Why herbs for normal rashes that will go on it's own?
ReplyDeleteDear Poster, sometimes you are already on the right path to helping your baby; by speaking out. Ignore all insults/harsh words written here, because it's easier to speak when one is not in a similar situation. Now you need to take your baby to the nearest health center and get him checked. Also find a way that agbo would no longer be given to him. I feel from your write up that you are a non Yoruba, married to a Yoruba. You need to understand that Yoruba people hold so much regard with agbo usage. Also stop confronting your husband in the presence of his mum. To make it seem as if he's in charge he would strike at you with his words. I know that if you appeal to him in the privacy of your room, he would see reason with you and stop his mum.. cheers
ReplyDeleteThese nonsense striking men have no business getting married
DeleteWomen go through alot, I'm very sure you're also the one cooking and cleaning in this your condition........ I won't advice you to leave with the new born baby , the baby is still tender and you yourself don't need stress for now.
ReplyDeleteLet your mother talk to your husband that she will like to come over and nurse you and the baby too after you might spent a month in your in law place, then you can go bck to your base
Single people yet to be married, this story should be included in your marriage preparatory class. A red flag you should never ignore is a man/woman you can not discuss issues with. No be only by "I love you, you love me". If you end up with such person then it becomes difficult when issues spring up in your matrimonial home, because issues will always show up.
ReplyDeleteHow well you discuss freely now with your fiance/fiancee makes it easier to navigate around them. You can imagine the poster's hubby insulting her in front of inlaws, even if you want to admonish your spouse not in front of inlaws/family because this will yield to other see finish situations.
I remember travelling with my ex to his hometown for his late father's burial. I was helping out with some women cooking and then he walks up to me and demanded for his food. I explained that the food that was cooked was finished and the next batch was on fire, he immediately screamed at me saying I could have saved some for him.
I tried to explain that the food was served to the elders first and we had to wait for the next one, come and see shouting in the presence of his whole family for close to ten minutes. I prayed the ground would open so as to swallow me! That incident was about the third to occur in just about nine months of dating. He would embarass me in the presence of family/friends.
All through the burial I covered my face in shame and continued the event with them.
To cut the story short, I broke up with him as soon as we got to Lagos. I tried to picture that scenario with him in ten years' to come and quickly shook my head. I said lai lai, no be me be this in years to come!
All I'm saying is poster, your hubby's attitude did not start today! You decided to go ahead with the marriage. Gear up for more issues like this in the union for it will be a bit difficult with a spouse like this.
Single ladies/guys, I say it again that attitude you can't cope with now will only build up after marriage! The dating period is not for gbenshing, going to movies or sight-seeing alone!
Learn and observe how they treat you!
Ire o.
Thank you oh. Bad behavior will only be worse in marriage.
DeleteSend this link to him. Shikena.
ReplyDeleteMy baby daddy's mother told me it's either I leave my baby for them to take care of or they won't have any hands in taking care of her, I choose the latter, and then I don't even have a source of livelihood then o and here we are,we are surviving without them. If I can, you can also. Just be determined
your baby's life or your marriage,? though I'm not even sure if this is marriage sef.
This is it oh... Your baby's life or your sham of a marriage?
DeletePoster, this issues on ground treat with wisdom.your husband and mother in law.
ReplyDeleteHer husband is a horseband.
ReplyDeleteHer in-laws are not her family.
What about her family?
Is the child here not a grandchild in the wife's family?
Are the Poster's parents now not grandparents?
The child is now the sole responsibility of the horseband.
Many husbands and fathers raised children in their homes providing all A class care or at least agbo-less care for mother and child.
But when disagreements arises in the marriage (by whoever's fault) we here tell the women to take the children along as they leave the marriage because the women alone own the children.
In some cases as we know, it is the wives' families who carry the children out of their fathers' countries and reach.
Since her in-laws are not good, and that may be the truth, where are Poster's family members (who are presumably or truly good and better) now?
I know why you're keeping quiet..it's because you don't have the financial means to take care of your child, especially in this economy. I feel so bad about this. But you need to tell them to stop giving your child those herbs. Also, I think your husband has indirectly moved you into his family house. Just so sad. It's going to be a tough battle if you don't find your way out of there
ReplyDeleteNa real wahala. Poster you have to try to do something because your baby's life is at stake.
DeleteWho carries the child, who was in labour, who had the morning sickness? Open your mouth and talk, move out to your parents or back to your matrimonial home
ReplyDelete