I am turning 60 soon and retired from service. I retired well as a director. I am very young at heart. Lol!
Please is there anything wrong in a mother telling daughter who lives in the US, she doesn't call to check on her? She is my only child.
Last week I asked why she doesn't call to check on me knowing I live alone back home and managing HBP. She said she has a lot on her mind. I was shocked.
She is now working and doing well for herself.With 2 American masters degrees to her name.She lives alone in her apartment and that's the more reason I feel we should be in constant touch. If I don't text her she will not remember me. I tell her everything going on around me but she has never shared anything with me.
Should I leave her alone? But I need my daughter to talk to me instead of competing with me. I am lonely especially now that I am mostly home.
I am not that lucky with men despite being a fine woman. I am an introvert.
She is almost 30, with no family values. She prefers friends. She is now cutting off, annoyed that I am accusing her of not calling, So What? I am not a liability. My monthly pension is more than enough for me.I have never asked her for anything.
I don't know what's disturbing her. I don't know what she thinks. If anything happens to her I will be in the dark.I know all her friends are married. I put this in prayer too. But her attitude towards guys is not encouraging. She seems arrogant.
As it is I will be having my vacation this month end in her city but I may not see her unless she calls to invite. I want to call off her bluff. I don't know if this is the best move! I normally carry foodstuffs to her but not this time.
It's very difficult for me as I am alone in the world. No relatives. No husband No dependable friend. I don't have anyone to bury me when God calls me. That's my only agony. I sometimes feel like paying down ahead for my burial, buy vault, mortuary fee everything needed to have a befitting burial. Put say 20m aside. But it's someone that will facilitate the process . I don't know if this is possible. I am really worried. Life is fickle. I have been going online to check stuff. If I had a trustworthy person I would have put that money in trust, but knowing human beings. You can't be sure.
She too doesn't have anyone except me. But it doesn't bother her. She is signatory to all my accounts but has never touched.
The way I see her she may not even bother coming down to Nigeria if she hears anything. How will she hear when she doesn't check on me? She only WhatsApp once a month. Imagine! She now has her money so she doesn't need me.
I have enough money for my comfort. I don't want to keep money for any ingrate.
For now, i am trying to enjoy my retirement life and the fruit of my hard labour. Thank God I am healthy with a sound mind now
Just felt like pouring out my mind here. Is anyone in my shoe?
I am not that lucky with men despite being a fine woman. I am an introvert.
She is almost 30, with no family values. She prefers friends. She is now cutting off, annoyed that I am accusing her of not calling, So What? I am not a liability. My monthly pension is more than enough for me.I have never asked her for anything.
I don't know what's disturbing her. I don't know what she thinks. If anything happens to her I will be in the dark.I know all her friends are married. I put this in prayer too. But her attitude towards guys is not encouraging. She seems arrogant.
As it is I will be having my vacation this month end in her city but I may not see her unless she calls to invite. I want to call off her bluff. I don't know if this is the best move! I normally carry foodstuffs to her but not this time.
It's very difficult for me as I am alone in the world. No relatives. No husband No dependable friend. I don't have anyone to bury me when God calls me. That's my only agony. I sometimes feel like paying down ahead for my burial, buy vault, mortuary fee everything needed to have a befitting burial. Put say 20m aside. But it's someone that will facilitate the process . I don't know if this is possible. I am really worried. Life is fickle. I have been going online to check stuff. If I had a trustworthy person I would have put that money in trust, but knowing human beings. You can't be sure.
She too doesn't have anyone except me. But it doesn't bother her. She is signatory to all my accounts but has never touched.
The way I see her she may not even bother coming down to Nigeria if she hears anything. How will she hear when she doesn't check on me? She only WhatsApp once a month. Imagine! She now has her money so she doesn't need me.
I have enough money for my comfort. I don't want to keep money for any ingrate.
For now, i am trying to enjoy my retirement life and the fruit of my hard labour. Thank God I am healthy with a sound mind now
Just felt like pouring out my mind here. Is anyone in my shoe?
Anyone in your shoe keh?
let me ask, is this your real or adopted daughter? How did you bring her up that she is so detached from you? Were you too busy working and did not have any time for her?
Please if you travel this time, go with foodstuff and go and have a heart to heart talk with her before you decide to call her bluff and lose her totally
How can you not have friends? friendship wey dey sweet like this? (I love my friends)...Why not get someone with kids to live with you?
And why did you retire so young? I have so many questions but let me leave it......Please find out why your daughter does not like you....
You don't have a friend and don't have a relationship with your only child..how comes..
ReplyDeleteAfter doing everything Stella said, please adopt a cute little girl, make friends,go to church,go out more,hang out and enjoy life..
Is your daughter a younger version of you?
Adopt which cute little girl again? She obviously missed it somewhere with raising the one she has, how will she effectively raise another one in old age?You people just see little children as instruments to be used for your whims and pleasures?
DeleteAnd poster all you are talking about is money and position, you don’t even Ben have the wisdom to introspect and see where you went wrong in raising your daughter. You don’t tell us if she spent most of her life away from you, if you were ever close, your story is devoid of any real substance, just money and your selfish needs for a companion now you don’t have your job to keep you busy.
You obviously raised your daughter to be a young version of yourself, I don’t think how she bevels should be unexpected
And to add, I’m an only child also raised by a single mother. Our situation and location mirrors yours but I’m close to my mother and involved most of her affairs. So I feel the problem is in how you raised your daughter
DeleteI feel upset on your behalf reading this. I think you have written this before, and you always seem concerned. I won't blame you... No. She is your only child, so I am sure there has been a lot of bonding between you both, and you would have sacrificed a lot for her. The level of closeness you would have cultivated would have been second to none. So I am not even going to fault you and say you weren't close to her when growing up, and now that she's grown, you are suddenly expecting her to be your best friend because I know that's not how it mostly plays out with some people in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteI have seen a few instances where daughters suddenly change from being their mom's best friend to a total stranger, and this is why I laugh when I see people write on the blog, "No matter what, try to have a female child." When the prayer point should be that God should give you a kind child who will cherish you irrespective of their gender.
The advice I would give you is to quickly sort yourself out and put everything you need in place for your old age and not rely on her because she has shown you she doesn't really care. Draw your strength from the fact that there are child-free women who are at peace with themselves and are not afraid of their future. If they can, then you will sail through too.
Try to get involved in activities that would broaden your social tentacles, where you meet people of your age group. You can join a church, volunteering groups, and make new mature friends. Who knows, you may even find love and meet your soulmate while you aren't looking and be blessed with lovely stepkids and step-grandkids in the process who will be worth your while. You know, you never know what's waiting for you out there until you venture out and explore.
I can't really pinpoint what's wrong with your baby, but sometimes when people who are conceited (I use conceit here because you said she is arrogant) feel they are the only ones you've got, they suddenly have their shoulders raised while giving the bare minimum.
But I hope you aren't the one who said you adopted a daughter. Your story seems similar because I think I remember, or maybe it's someone else. But if it's you, then maybe she does not really care because, to her, you are not her real mom. I am sorry.
Anon 15.11 you've said it all nothing to add . God bless you for this comment. Poster may the rest of your days be better than your beginning. Hugs ♥️🙏
DeletePray not to birth a selfish child. This is not new and becoming increasingly becoming rampant these days, all we chases is money and shadows, forgetting the real thing. And it keeps playing out right in front of us one way or the other. May God us all.
DeleteAptly written, you've said it all.
DeleteMy Daughter is only 21 and she gives me the " Uninterested Boyfriend Vibes" so i understand You.
ReplyDeleteMa'am travel to see Your Baby, Yes she is your Baby , Go with Foodstuffs,Go with Personal Gifts, then take her out for Intimate Dinner and pour out your Feelings,let her Know how You feel and how her Shutting You out of her Life makes You feel lonely and Sad.
She is not a Young Child,And if after You pour out your feelings and there is no Better Relationship from her End, Ma'am pick Yourself Up , go for Group Vacations, plan and Pay for Your Internment because I am So sorry but You have lost Your Baby Completely....
Madam I am sorry but you didn't teach her family values, where you and absentee mum, probably spoilt her with money and not your time?? If you see the way at my age my mum will call me and tell me call your aunty o, call this person, call that person, this one happened, that one happened, sometimes I feel like she is disturbing me but I call those people to check on them, offer condolences and whatever the hell I want to to talk to them about, she has been doing this right from when we were younger, she will so disturb you eh till you call that person, I have kids now and do the same, I call my relatives and have them talk to them, they speak to my parents and siblings all the time, they learn this when they are young!
ReplyDeleteYou can't teach an old dog new tricks, I can only tell you to pray about it, please ma make friends na, you can start from church if you a are a Christian. I am an introvert too
If you are not a church goer, I will suggest you join the Anglican communion, programme no dey finish for Anglican church eh🤣I promise you not only will you have friends from your church but you will Make friends with people from other diocese
I wish you a fun life moving forward
I don't think she is an absentee mum. Sometimes we do all these things and more for our children and they still choose their own path.
DeletePoster, I pray your daughter comes to her senses and show care and concern for you. If not, just live your life, make friends and go for vacation with friends since you have the means and make yourself happy.
Dear Poster Ma,
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on your retirement! I pray that God blesses and sustains you in this new and beautiful chapter of your life.
It's completely valid to feel the way you do........Retirement brings more time and reflection, and naturally, you'd hope to feel closer to your daughter, especially now......Distance shouldn't mean disconnection, and your feelings deserve to be acknowledged.....Absence makes the heart grow fonder.....
Stella raised an important point, and while I won’t go deeper into that, here are a few thoughts to consider:
1. Your feelings are valid...... It's okay to expect more effort and connection..... Her dismissive tone is concerning, and you're right to take note.
2. Have an open conversation. Try saying, “I have been feeling lonely, and even a short call from you lifts my spirits...... It helps me feel close, even from afar.” Express your emotions without placing blame.
3. Try to understand her world too...... While it doesn’t excuse neglect, moving overseas and building a new life can be overwhelming. A little empathy may help ease the hurt while still honoring your needs.....
4. About your planned visit: Think carefully; will seeing her without an invitation bring more peace or more pain? Maybe just inform her of your travel dates and leave the door open without pressure. Let her make the move if she’s ready.....
5. Focus on what’s in your control. Your retirement is a well-earned joy, keep doing what fulfills you...... Connect with others, explore new interests, and invest in your own happiness......
Regarding future plans, you're wise to think ahead....Look into prepaid plans or speak to a lawyer about setting up a trust.....When it comes to someone accessing your finances, make sure it's someone you deeply trust or consider a professional arrangement......
It’s obvious you love your daughter deeply, and the distance hurts....There's no one-size-fits-all solution here, but you deserve love, connection, and peace of mind.
Take care of your heart first.....
All the best, Ma..
How was your bond as a mother with her while she was growing up?
ReplyDeleteWho did she spend more time with as a child? Nannies,relatives,friends or You???
Did you have a family and work balance while she was growing? Or did you use your time to work and now that you have gotten all the money you need;you now want to have a bond with her?
Life is a circle,and kids while growing up acknowledge more of your presence in their life;and not the MONEY or comfort the money you are working for provides them.
Example,a man working in an oil rig for months but providing millions for his wife who is a housewife to take care of their kids.
No matter what,the kids will have more affection for their mother who is with them all day,even though she isn't the one providing the money.
Children understand two languages:
Attention & Time,MONEY is just an icing on the cake.
So no matter how busy you are as a parent;give them that attention and time to gossip to you about their school,teachers,classmates and all;and that is the kind of relationship they would have with you even after their marriage or higher education.
You don't use old age to create a bond you never had with your kids while they were growing;and that is why many kids in Nigeria know only their mother,even though they have a very responsible father who provides MONEY while they were growing.
Now you can only but accept whatever time she can give you,it hurts but you don't have much options either but to hope for the best and try as much as you can to be spending more time in her cities(if possible move there and rent your own home close to hers).
Finally look for loopholes in her life,could be emotional talks,work stuff,school stuff,life challenges and more;then you start a conversation about those discussions so she can see you as a confidant whom she can pour her heart to.
With time,you will have all her attention,so long as you.listen to her and not Judge harshly.
All the best Ma'am
@MARTINS
Calling her bluff will only make the situation worse. It's clear there's been an emotional or relational disconnect between the two of you.
ReplyDeleteMadam, your child is slowly drifting away, perhaps even getting completely lost to you. Please, go and bring her back before it's too late.
Parents should learn to build this sort of relationship with their kids from their tender age so it can flow into adulthood.
ReplyDeleteGrowing up my mom and I never talked. She was always verbally abusing me and that made me distant and withdrawn. Got so used to handling issues myself. Grew that way. I'm grown now and we are a bit closer but not really about personal Stuff. The other day she came into my room and said she'd never met my boyfriend and asking why I don't tell her about that part of my life. How can I, we don't have that type of relationship.
It is hard.
Mother's should do better.
Did you adopt her? The mistake that people who adopt kids make is sending them far away from home to study. Even an only child would do this as well.
ReplyDeleteDo you live in the same country with her? If no, then I would say you didn't bond well or pass through good times and bad times with your daughter before sending to study far away from home as an only Child. She would have managed to develop that bond with you if she had other siblings or cousins she relates with. Any only child that wasn't with you or pass through life's challenges or quality moments with you for a long period will likely not bother to be with you when they eventually become independent.
Lol, assuming she finds a need to be coming to take garri and local foods stuff from you every month she would have taken you serious but no, she is now very independent so no need coming back home or calling you from time to time. It is well with you ma.
My advice is that you take it to God in prayers. There is nothing prayers cannot solve. Do you know that God can cause something to happen in her life (not necessarily bad thing, please don't wish her bad if you want God to do this work perfectly for you) and when it happens she would need you as the only person to be trusted to help or support her through it? Ma, please don't fight it, just pray , pray earnestly about it and one fateful day you will see God's miracle. Don't expect to receive the miracle immediately but be assured that you will receive the miracle at the right time because this is going to take a process. God will orchestrate the process in a way that she will be so dependent on you (not financially) , she would place you in a high value than any other human. Draw her spirit back to you through prayers
im an only child, Father passed away at 5. i lived part time with my Aunt and cousins for holidays so i wont be alone, i was there half my life, even after university i moved permanently there, cos they live in ikoyi and its close to my office. Yet my mum and i have the strongest bond, infact we cant survive life without eachother. smtimes i wont see my mum for 3mths when we travel for summer growing up, dis didnt still stop our closeness. i know all d sacrifices she made raising me alone. This their story is just weird.
DeleteYour second paragraph is so apt.
DeletePassing through good and bad times with your kids builds quite a bond.
I’m an only child of a single mother too, when growing up we would cry and laugh together. We are so close now, I’m now the one who acts like her mother
What the poster didn't add based on her former writeup is that the girl is adopted. Pls leave her alone she's an ingrate let her go look for the mother that dumped her that's what's eating her up. Leave her alone. Bastard ingrate
ReplyDeleteMadam, sorry but I'm going to be blunt as much as possible with you. It could be the way you raised her. Was she your friend when she was younger? How do you talk to her? Do you nag? Some parents can nag a lot. Do you gossip about others to her when she calls? Most high achieving younger women will avoid you, when you do. Where is her father? Is she close to the father and not you? Could her mind be poisoned against you or did you lie about her father and she found out? It's only you who know how you raised her so you have to seat yourself down and ask yourself where you went wrong.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you on not sending her anything part. Sometimes when you over pamper people they don't see your value. Text her 2 weeks before your trip. If she asks for food stuff, tell her to send you a list. Let her ask 1st.
When you get to her destination, text her you are in town, your location and how long you are staying. Make it clear, she can pass by if she wishes to . Don't chase her, ler her miss the attention you give her freely.
I understand you lol I’m 31 and my Mum’s 4th child. She’s this way but your thoughts & concerns are valid. Very valid. But let me ask, is she your blood? Talk to her o! No let am go anywhere
ReplyDeleteHow did you treat your parents?
ReplyDeleteHow did you treat people in your earlier years?
How did you treat her?
When we pray that God will give us kind children,this is it
May God give us kind children
May He help us
This is the worst tears any older person will tell you
They weep over this
If you are young here and you badmouth your parents to your children hearing
You don’t take your children to visit them
You don’t encourage your children to call them
You don’t put value on your parents
You have no parental blessing connecting you and your children
You are arrogant
Treat people bad
Just know that if the mercy of God doesn’t intervene
This digital world
You will cry
But God forbid,
Consciously build bond
This poster should look beyond herself
Go and hug your child
Go and cry before your child
Go and stir up that emotion that children have for their parents in your child
Go and hold your child
You won’t carry food ke
Are you competeing with her
Even if she doesn’t have sense ,Is it you a mother that will say do me I do you
Madam carry food
Go and look for your child
No mother will turn her back on a child
Regardless
Even a thief the mother still looks for him
Go
Bring yourself down,find what you are looking for
The heart of your child
If you must lie down,lie down
If you must cry,cry
If you must admonish with bible do it
Go and find your child
If you need to go with some relatives do so
Cry to God
Let him turn her heart
Apologize if you offended
What are we saying here
Your own child
Even if that devil has 13 heads they never born am
Whether adopted or biological doesn’t matter
The blessing of having a child look at your face and care for you you must experience it
If she doesn’t call call her
If she does text text her
Whatever the price
What will you tell your ancestors when you cross over?
That you couldn’t uphold one child
One child
Stoooopet
You can
You will
You are
Go and win that child
Keep her on your breast/chest
And cuddle that baby I don’t care her age
Go before it’s late
A child that will be merciful and caring later in life will show you the signs at an early age way before he/she becomes an adult.
ReplyDeleteAll the people blaming the poster about how the daughter was raised,pls pray for kind children. There are people who just don't feel attached to their parents/ family and will care more about outsiders than family.
Poster, your worries are valid. Please join groups,travel, and keep money for your burial.
I have 3 kids, and 1 is already showing these signs, so I know how you feel. Sometimes it has nothing to do with upbringing,just an individual decision
Exactly. It’s not with parenting. I’m close now with my mum. But looking back 10 years ago, I would objectively say I was in the same space as your daughter. Give her time, forgive her always even in advance. Go and see her. Do not antagonize. Just be friendly. Don’t bring up the no calling. Ask deep questions. Ask to see her friends.
DeleteShe might be dealing with issues you have no idea about- a bad break up, konji, depression, rage, rape, past trauma etc
What are you saying madam
ReplyDeleteYou leave your child
Never
Go and find your child
Cry to Jesus
Put it in the altar
Fast and pray
Call on the mercy of God
Whatever turned your child’s heart
Thunder fire satan
I don’t care if it’s biogical or adopted
A child is a child
That one that calls you mother
Don’t tell me that abeg
Get foodstuffs,buy whatever you used to carry double it and go
Imakwa ihe wu Nne
Mother
Nne mmadu
Gini di ka ana ako ihea bikonu
Don’t look at anything
Don’t care about anything
Go and win abeg
Nwagi
So you will stand up go to America and not reach your child because she doesn’t call you
No vex my spirit ma
Ogini
Haaaaaa
Una Dey try oh
I can’t
Nwam is not talking to me so I will not talk to her I will not buy her mama oyoyo I will not send her
Una Dey make me cry abeg
O gini
So the bond between a mother and child I should not enjoy it because she’s not everything I desired her to be
My heart Dey break
Abeg all of una get out
What kind nonsense new generation life be this
My child
One child one
Ofu
That if it falls even in the dark I will use leg and search for it till I find it even if ants are biting mr
Kai I don’t know where una get this heart from
Onye di ka ana hapu ihea
O kwa mmadu
Madam if you throw away this one who will you hold
Is it my own?
Stella own?
Who own you go hold?
Mbakwa
Akozikwana
You call her ginimezie
She didn’t pick call ginimezie
I’m a big sinner oh but I willl never pass an opportunity to wrap my arms around my child
Chai
Gbuzienum
Just kill me
Xp welcome.
DeleteThis is heart breaking 😢..I just picked my phone and called my mum after reading your comment.
DeletePoster is she your biological daughter?
ReplyDeleteEven if she's not her biological daughter she raised and took care of her.
DeleteMay God bless us with kind children 🙏.
Pls, ask God for directions poster.
It is well.
This is me and my parents now.i also live in the US but barely call my parents. My mom left me when I was 3 and we didn’t reconcile till I was in high school. My dad on the other hand used beating to put fear in me and eradicated any form of closeness or love. The difference between me and posters child is that I still do my duties, send them money but I do NOT call. I don’t even know how to strike or hold a conversation between me and any of them.i am trying to raise my kids differently with a lot of love. I can’t remember my dad telling me he loved me or hugging me before I went to sleep. Omo we need to do better at how we raise children cos it will tell in the future
ReplyDeleteMaybe she's a lesbian. that's how they behave
ReplyDeletePlease don't be upset with your daughter. When travelling buy the food stuff and other things,you know,she likes. And go visit her. Have that conversation. If it doesn't work. You continue to pray for her. Find volunteers groups and join. 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
ReplyDeletePoster, congratulations on your retirement.
ReplyDeleteIrrespective of your relationship with your daughter or the fact that you're an introvert, you have to make a change. You NEED to build other relationships and activities in your life. Make it a priority and do it while scared. Don't overthink it. Introversion does not mean isolation. This is coming from an introvert. Even if we have the best relationships with our children, we still need other relationships.
I am right in your shoe. He graduated few months back and has refused to come home. He does not call except I do. He sounds all good whenever I call but will never call. I have complained, quarrel, shouted, sent people to talk to him to no avail. I have made up my mind to let him be, He is my only son. I am single and lonely too, I understand all you are going through. Struggling financially, no husband, God will help us,
ReplyDeleteYou might be suffocating him. He might have met the love of his life who is now his all and all. I’m not making excuses for him or his behavior , im just stating facts. Get a life and things going for you and see how he comes around.
DeleteTake hugs.it is well.
DeleteHmm.. I feel for you poster, the abroad can do that to people, that is, make people distant from loved ones. You need loved ones around you that will extinguish any kind of loneliness you feel.I will love to be your company if you don’t mind.. I am a caregiver and I love sitting with the elderly and learning from their early years. I can send my CV and references to Stella for thorough verification..hopefully, daughter dearie will come around soon… cheers ma, your best years are ahead of you🙂.
ReplyDeleteThe way you brought your child up is the main reason she is treating you this way, you did not create friendship with her from day one and now you want her to become your friend. You have to see her and have a heart to heart discussion with her and find out why she has been avoiding you.
ReplyDeleteHope you have not pressured her into getting married or something else? Make sure you carry alone foodstuffs.
You people can’t talk sha…based on assumptions that it’s the way poster raised her bla bla bla.
DeleteI just pray life doesn’t spring some nasty surprises to you through your children.
Hmm.. I feel for you poster, the abroad can do that to people, that is, make people distant from loved ones. You need loved ones around you that will extinguish any kind of loneliness you feel.I will love to be your company if you don’t mind.. I am a caregiver and I love sitting with the elderly and learning from their early years. I can send my CV and references to Stella for thorough verification..hopefully, daughter dearie will come around soon… cheers ma, your best years are ahead of you🙂.
ReplyDeleteIs a serious matter and you may even be lonely at death .It is a lesson for everyone ,have friends,help your relations grow ,train other people and at worse adopt children before your old age .Loneliness is a problem for the aged but it shouldn't or maybe after retirement you can go to leave in USA close to her
ReplyDeleteThis life sha. My mom was my best friend, my gist partner, my number 1 amebo partner and my confidant. Death took her away from me and since then I’ve been lonely. I am now married and recently gave birth but that void of my mother is still there. Dear poster, I wish I was in your daughter’s shoes with a living mother. It is well
ReplyDeleteHi poster please hand her over to God almighty. don't buy anything when you traveling for her and ignore her completely.but hand her over to God almighty.and see what God does.she will come begging for forgiveness
ReplyDeleteShe is a prodigal child. You have to go visit her. Maybe she is hiding her pains behind degrees, sometimes those things bring no real joy they are just something you do to get somewhere. The money doesn’t really feed the soul and the status is just something else. Perhaps she is what she saw you as at her age, driven to succeed in the world while human connections and relationships fell to the side. There is a song about this, Listen to the song or read the lyrics of The Cat’s in the Cradle by Harry Chapin.
ReplyDeleteI don’t believe anything is impossible, and I believe you and your daughter can build a fruitful and enduring relationship. You will both have to be willing and the truth has to be spoken, flaws accepted and forgiveness freely given. Bonding is easier when ppl are together. So plan a mother daughter trip somewhere, invite her to come to Nigeria for vacation or go to wherever she is.
You still can make new friends and join social groups even at 60. I find seniors to be more easily sociable than young adults.
I wanted to say somethings. But the comments of those who appear to have read your previous posts made me change my mind.
ReplyDeleteOnly to say go see her loaded with gifts as you usually do. Try to find out what is up with her. Age 25 - 35 is a turning point in the lives of most people. That is the period of ascent, stagnation or descent for most people. I speak from personal experience and those of my mates at that age.
At 60 without any limiting illness, you can start another cycle of life - work, semi-consulting, seminars, volunteering, etc that would take away the loneliness. Only be careful not to appear too comfortable.
You can still make the arrangements you have in mind. There are some companies involved in that in Nigeria. Ask around. Adverts are not allowed otherwise I would have named one or two.
Best wishes.
Mr. Mann
Some children are like this
ReplyDeleteSometimes parents are comforted by the fact that they have another child so they don’t notice too much
You have friends because when you visit America you stay somewhere or it seems you hang out with someone
If you need friends in Nigeria, it’s not too hard to make some
You secondary school friends probably have a WhatsApp group and churches and mosques are constantly calling for people to participate
As for your daughter, she may be a loner but it may also be that she doesn’t know how to find a man
You have time so why don’t you connect with some old or new pals and see if one has a good son
I can tell you for free that many here avoid their parents at this stage because y’all always end up taking about what is lacking
Why no man why no woman. It gets exhausting
Next thing they will you’re too far from God. Join NSPpd. Pls don’t do that when you call or text. Just gist. You too come to the US for summer and attend fun events of plan a getaway to a nearby island
Poster whether u like it or not, environment has a very big influence on us a humans, unfortunately that’s what you would live it, it is ur trade off. Most oyinbos treat their parents like this, sadly ur daughter gas picked up the trait. Don’t beat urself up, there is nothing more u can do, just pray, but she might not even come around. That’s the lifestyle of whites. U hear them saying they have been enstranged from their parents for 30yrs or more. May God mk it easy for u.
ReplyDeletePoster, sorry about your daughter’s behaviour. Some children are that selfish no matter what you did for and with them while growing up.
ReplyDeleteYou can actually do something about your funeral now. Stanbic IBTC has a product for it, just approach them and make enquiries. You can also buy your vault and pay for your funeral right now….it doesn’t mean one is dying, it’s just like writing a will.
The truth is there’s nothing you can do if she decides this is who she wants to be to you.
I honestly don’t think you should try to make new friends at this age because Naija is not like it was in those days. The heart of most people in Naija is desperately wicked these days, even people you’ve known for years.
This is a lesson to younger women…invest in your kids also in friendships because when these kids leave home, especially for overseas, the loneliness no be here just as in my own case.
Sometimes things don't work out the way we plan.But she is still your daughter so continue to get in touch and show love. Meanwhile try make friends, involve in charity, voluntary service and open up to be mother to other people around you
ReplyDeleteProbably you sent her off abroad at a very young age and she didn’t bond very well with you before you sent her off. She has imbibed foreign culture and doesn’t give a damn about you at all! Unfortunately it might be too late for you to get her to change! Solution now is for you to move close to someone in the family don’t you have any close relatives Sisters, Brothers, Cousins or Nephews ??? after all you didn’t drop from the sky! Alternatively you can adopt a Girl to keep you company maybe your Daughter after seeing the competition might change. Best wishes!
ReplyDeleteIt is always easy to give advise. Until it gets to your turn. For the particular story, may God have mercy on both parties.
ReplyDeletePoster,Don't give up on her yet, She's still your child and will always be, Take the foodstuff with you,and also make efforts to take her to fun places, Does she like music, games, shopping ? If yes, include them in your plans this time around and do them with her diligently.
ReplyDeletePour out your soul to her, Make her understand that you both need each other,and if after everything, she doesn't change, then I will advise you to start making other plans for yourself. Live your life and enjoy it to the fullest , na only you waka come this life, na only you go still Waka go.
Congratulations on your retirement Ma. 🎊🎊
You became insecured because you had a lot of money and ended up not trusting and helping anyone.
ReplyDeleteI through you in this Chronicle. You never even made mention of anyone you've ever helped in the past so that you remained friends with them incase, but because you never assisted anyone, no one will genuinely stick close.
Quite unfortunate.
Life is fickle truly, sadly you realize late. I'll advise you to let down your guard and start building relationships outside of your daughter so that you don't die lonely and smelling at home.
Nothing dey this world. From dust we came, to dust shall we return.
I feel your pain but ma’am if you don’t mind you can adopt me I’m married with just a kid I don’t mind you coming over to mine .some people don’t cherish what they have until they loose it
ReplyDeleteMy landlady's overpampered son is giving her same energy
ReplyDeleteHello ma’am I feel your pain some people don’t cherish what they have until they loose it.if you don’t mind you can come to my home I will be more than glad to have you at mine,I’m Married and have a son
ReplyDelete