Hmmmmm.....
STAND ALONE NARRATIVE
ADVICE NEEDED
I have an abroad man who thinks all the qualities I want in a man but he has not gotten his documents yet to be able to visit Nigeria and I need to have a baby according to the doctor's advice.
I am 38 dealing with fibroid. we have been together for 2 years now and he has been begging me to exercise patient and wait for him. I have found peace and real joy in this man. what should I do?
DO NOT WAIT FOR HIM...move on please, especially as the Doctor has told you to get pregnant.....
I know someone who was in the same situation, the guy paid her bride price and she waited for him for 10 years without his returning and she had to forcefully move on as age was no longer on her side...She is 50 this year, remarried and has been trying to get pregnant for three years but that age is difficult cos egg production has slowed down...Her biggest regret was waiting....Please do not wait if you know that you want kids oh...If its just love then wait on but know that if you cannot give kids, a some Naija men will move on...Think of yourself this time......Let him e there begging as if he would have waited for you..hisss!
I've heard and read a lot of stories about how abroad men delay their partners and don't come for them eventually, meanwhile living their best lives with another person.
ReplyDeleteDon't let any man waste your precious time as age isn't on your side, move on with another man and have your kids on time.
But if you think you can still wait for him, good luck to you, but know this and know well that he will move on with another woman if you can't have kids for him, most of Nigerian guys don't marry because of companionship, their number one priority in marriage is children.
Nigerian man here. I married for companionship. I made it very clear to my wife when we were dating that I'm not particularly crazy about kids. If they came fine, if they didn't, not a big deal.
DeleteA lot of us do place a degree of eminence on companionship that's why the quality of relationships is what we are very particular about.
Doggedity its refreshing to see someone share my thoughts on marriage for companionship.
DeleteIf he's understanding then go for IVF through sperm bank
ReplyDeleteWait for how long? Abeg don't wait o
ReplyDeleteOnce Nigeria girls hear abroad, their sense dey disappear , waiting at your age??
ReplyDeletePlease don't wait ooooo. Especially he doesn't have his documentation yet. It's time.
ReplyDeleteAunty, use your tongue to count your teeth
ReplyDeleteWhere abroad is he
ReplyDeleteDoes he have money for you to start the process that is does he have money for you to go for egg retrieval and save your eggs
What part of the process
Do you have money to go and visit him there
If it’s America, hmmmm
I love love so don’t give up on him till you answer all these questions well
Stella do we know same person???
ReplyDeleteThe daughter of our village house caretaker got caught in same mess. The parents of the guy came to pay her bride price as the guy is abroad and yet to sort his papers. It was always a promise of "wait for me, I'll be back soon." He continued singing same song for about 12 years before the girl grew sense and ran for her life.
She was just there doing unpaid maid and nanny for the guy's parents and working her a** out. The guy sends nothing for her so she has to work day and night to sort herself and provide her bit for the family she stays with. And they wouldn't allow her move to the city saying that city guys will corrupt her.
The guys even rarely called at the point she moved in with the family, say once a week or even less. Graduated to once or twice a month then till the spirit moves him to, to the point of once or twice in a year. But he talks with his family often.
After about 10 years when the girl started speaking up, the parents started accusing her of cheating and wanting to move on with another guy. The guy(that's yet to meet her) called and blasted her that she was distributing his property(her body) to the village guys. She mellowed and continued living after the guy promised that he'd be back the following year.
The following year, the guy no show and the next same thing and he rarely calls nor picks the girl's calls. He only calls when he feels like. In those years, he had brought two of his brothers abroad and his parents had visited him separately on different occasions.
The lady finally decided to leave without looking back and they laid all sorts of curses on her cos of how she's 'betraying' them after all they had done for her. That she'll never find a reasonable man to marry and she will not birth babies. They didn't allow her take a single pin away from their house except the clothes she was putting on.
She moved on; found a job, went to Open University and brushed herself up. Now she's a big classy girl with a big god a husband.
Apparently, the other guy had married abroad and it was the parents' idea to have a Nigerian wife so anytime he's in the country(which he was yet to come) without the woman, he'd have a decent girl to keep him company.
This one is a bit different
DeleteI know someone that gave the guy six years and they are together now
Only God knows the heart of man
Pray sha and dig deep to make your findings
Not the one that you’ll leave and he’ll get his papers in September
Such a wicked family. I thank God the lady walked away from that evil family.
DeleteWicked people!!!
DeletePeople wicked o 😳😳
DeleteE get as e be. Ask ELROI
ReplyDeleteMy darling, nothing is guaranteed, only God
ReplyDeleteThere's no guarantee that when you ditch him and quickly marry, then kids will start coming. (Even though that's d expectation).
There's also no guarantee that if you wait, he might come within a year or 2 and not take like 10 years or disappoint you, or marry for papes and keep you as Nigeria wife, or when he comes, it will be too late to conceive.
One thing you should know is that, marriage transcend having children. (Children are part of the package and for a Nigerian, it seems like the essence)
Marriage is companionship, oneness, togetherness, a bond, etc. It's having someone to do life with, and weather the storm together, in all situation.
We always hope for the best in marriage, but most times, it's not a smooth ride. Many times there are deep trials and challenges that even challenges our faith. Imagine having a partner that you both are not a formidable force...
So your priority determine wether you wanna wait or not.
Also, the God factor can change and turn things to our favour.
Do you believe in God? Do you believe when you marry your dream man regardless of your age you will conceive? Do you believe your prayers (jointly In agreement) can hasten the process).
Note that people have married in their early twenties, with no medical challenge, some even virgins, and are still yet to conceive. While some had known complications, others wombs removed, damaged tubes etc and still conceive barely few months into marriage.
So, you do not hold the master plan. God does.
Now your decision would depend on your priority. What's your priority in marriage?
Also, is there somebody else you are considering? How long do you think it will take before marriage talks will start, etc all. (That means you are cheating ooo)
Or you want to end things before you start another. How long do you think it will take to get another then start marriage process?
Or you just want to grab the next available man and start having children?
Consider these things
well said, please read this over and over and pray for directions.
DeleteYou don't have time poster, move on please, to avoid had i know later
ReplyDeletei guess the option is for you to go to God for answers, let him be the only one to direct you. We can only see from the physical while God can see both physical and spiritual. I will also say move on and start having babies since your doctor have said so but remember the doctor is not even sure that the babies will come as soon as possible cos he does not know everything.
ReplyDeleteLet God direction, make decisions for you and everything will fall in place. Please do not forget to update us with your plan later on. All the very best.
Poster go to a sperm bank, meanwhile keep the relationship open till you get a serious person before ending your current relationship. Be sure to have a backup plan before leaving the relationship
ReplyDeleteI would advise you keep your options open.
ReplyDeleteI met a man at 24 and began dating shortly after that. We were together for nearly 6 years while he was putting his life toegther and trying to huild his income. . He left me at 30 plus for a flimsy reason. I could swear I was his peace and joy. Yet he left me on account of tribal differences. Human beings can be deceptive.
It is difficult to regularise one's immigration status, you still have many more months/years of waiting ahead of you, so think about it carefully and weigh your options. Be ready to live with the outcome of any choice you make.
If he cannot come back, let him get somebody who is legally resident in that country to invite you, so that you can put a face to that relationship and know your options. If you cannot even visit to see him and talk about the future, better sit back and think again.
PRAY!!!!! God answers prayers.
Let him send money, so you can retrieve your eggs and preserve them. Or let him get someone to invite you, so you can visit.
ReplyDeleteGetting a visitor's visa is really not hard. Apply for a visa!!! If he can't come to you, then he MUST MAKE PROVISIONS for you to GO to him, otherwise, he is not SERIOUS.
A 20 year old can be with a broke, undocumented migrant, but a 38 year old does not have that luxury.
I think d best will be to have someone invite u. .Anybody wit stay permit can do dat...But u should also go wit ur money , incase u find him homeless. GOODLUCK.
ReplyDeletePoster you said that he asked you to wait and it has been two years now. What you should know is that 'waiting on human being ' is not the same as waiting on God that never fails.
ReplyDeleteHuman beings can disappoint when you least expect it.
You know him too well to know whether he is genuine and intentional.
It takes a good man to keep those words. If he is not that serious, be open minded or move on,but you have to let him know.
Love may be sweet, yes, but it must also be timely. But there you are, at a crossroads where love, time, and biology argue in different tongues. If a river refuses to flow to you, you must build a well. You have peace in him, but what of the body that cries out for harvest while there's still sun?
ReplyDeleteYou are 38, not 18, your body is keeping the clock while your heart holds the torch. Two years of joy is no small gift, but joy alone doesn’t swaddle a child. If he cannot come to you, let him open the road for you to meet him - love is not a theory. Save your eggs if you must. Ask him to meet you halfway, not in promises, but in realistic plans he follows through. If he can’t, walk gently away.
This is your womb, your time, your one wild and precious life - don’t leave it on hold. Don’t let longing turn into a lullaby that rocks you into delay. Choose with clear eyes and an anchored soul, not borrowed hope that may yet not be what was promised. Sometimes, choosing yourself is the bravest kind of love there is - you come first.
I strongly agree with aunty Stella on this. Love is not enough sometimes. You have to put yourself first
ReplyDeleteDear poster people's destinies are different because I have seen someone wait like this and now she's with her husband and 3kids in the abroad
ReplyDeletePls just pray for God to give you the BEST direction.