Pastor Whose Marriage Failed Reveals He Tried To End It All Until God Told Him What To Do....

This story is long and very interesting and has some shocking revelations....

The ways of God is really really mysterious!

''In 2017 when my marriage failed, I had two unavoidable options., Or perhaps 3:

1. Divorce
2. Suicide
3. Stay married and face a lifetime of misery.

I didn't think of going for the third option because I knew it was only a matter of time before one of the two first options would play out.

I didn't want to opt for divorce either because of the religious stigma it would bring to me and my ministry.

So I settled for suicide, at least everyone would be alright.
It was a marriage that lasted nearly two years, an absolute disaster and a living nightmare.

It was a total nightmare, from the multiple displays of violence, even a week before the marriage, where I had to endure a slap on my face, to consistent verbal abuse about not being man enough for failing to provide everything on the marital list, even though I had to sell my only car to provide 99 percent of the things on the list, and then, in the marriage, I had to wake up every morning scared of which violence and abuse I would face.

It got so unbearable that I found myself at the beer joint one night after office hours drinking alcohol, something I had never done all my life.

Because I was scared of going back home
I had not even had a taste of alcohol prior to this time.

It got so bad that I was so drunk that night in the beer house that when they were closing, I was asked to leave, and the next thing was I found myself instead of going back home, walking out to the road.

I heard a taxi shouting, "upper Iweka" and I followed. This was around 9-10 in the night.

That was the last thing I remembered.
The next thing, I found myself in Aba, in Abia State.

How I found myself in Aba instead of my house in Onitsha is something I can't explain.
How I boarded a bus at about 9-10 pm in the night from Onitsha to Aba is a mystery only alcohol can explain.

It was in Aba that I regained consciousness and started asking people where I was.
How did I even pay the fare?
It was my first experience with alcohol, and despite its bitter taste and unpleasant odor, I ended up consuming two bottles.

It was only two bottles that drove me from Onitsha to Aba without my consent.
When I regained consciousness and discovered I was in Aba, it was already midnight.
Luckily, people were still moving around.
It was on a Friday.
I saw some people going to the vigil and followed them.

Upon arriving at the church where the vigil was being held, I discovered that the guest speaker was Revivalist Iyke Oriaku, alongside Evang Dan Eluwa. I deliberately sat at the back to avoid being seen and silently prayed for the night to swiftly transition into morning, so I could find my way back to Onitsha.

Surprisingly, Revivalist Iyke Oriaku, the man of God, spotted me from the pulpit during his sermon and asked if I could come forward. I signalled him and politely requested to stay at the back, to which he graciously accommodated my request.

The fact was, my entire body was smelling alcohol. It would be an embarrassment if he or his host were to notice it.

Immediately he was done preaching, I disappeared from the church. I didn't want him to come too close and realise my mouth was smelling.
It was already around 5 in the morning. So I headed to the park.
I got back to Onitsha to my house to witness another episode of violence where a mob stick was used on my head with blood gushing, which prompted me a few days after to pick up my clothes and leave my house and I stayed away for a couple of weeks.

It was during this period that the thought of suicide began to prevail on me. I was already a shadow of myself, looking so unkept and rough.

Everyone knew something was wrong but didn't know exactly what it was, or at least they pretended not to.

I made sure I kept that scenario from everyone including my family.
Who would believe the case of a woman beating a man, and a whole Pastor CC Israel for that matter? It would be a laughing stock.

So I kept it from everyone. It was my cross and I was going to carry it.
I was going to carry it, no matter how heavy, until the day I decided to end it all so everyone would be free.

I attempted suicide.

It was three different attempts which kept failing but the third attempt was the scariest of it all.
On that fateful day, I had prepared my mind to commit suicide since God was silent all throughout the scenes and since I couldn't go for divorce because of what people would say of a pastor divorcing his wife. I chose suicide.

At least no one would know what happened in my marriage.
I was determined to die with that knowledge kept away from the public.

The suicide was going to look like an accident. I had it well planned out.
For some reason, I went into my room to take a final look before dying.
But whilst I was walking around, I found myself ransacking my bag where I packed my books and CDs, not knowing why and what I was looking for, and suddenly, a certain CD jumped out.

It was Bishop Noel Jones of America.
I had not listened to him for a very long time.

The CD was an old message.
Whilst my eyes glued on him, a voice whispered to my ears, "why not listen to one of your favourite preachers before you die. At least his voice will go with you"
It sounded so comforting that it made sense to me.

So I played the CD, only to realise that it was a multiple selection. I had to choose which of the messages to play.
But the titles were so tiny that I couldn't see anything. So I randomly selected one, which when it started playing, happened to be a continuation of part one.

The first thing I heard as soon as it played was, and these were the exact words,

"There's a dear man of God watching me from Africa, West Africa precisely, and right now you are about to commit suicide because of your marriage. You have asked God questions and it seems He's not hearing, and like the wife of Job, your wife has pushed you to the wall that you are about to end your life.

God said I should tell you, " His plan for you is bigger than your failed marriage. Don't die yet. Stay alive.
Don't turn your temporary pain into a permanent hell.
Before you die, at least stay alive to receive answers to your questions."

Those were the words.
One of the mysterious things about this encounter was the fact that before I played the CD, there was no electricity in our estate at the time. It had been weeks, and that was due to a fault on the transformer.

But the moment I heard that voice asking me to listen to one of my favourite preachers before exiting this world, the light came back from nowhere. That was shocking!

As soon as I heard the words from Bishop Noel Jones, the whole room started vibrating, somewhat of an earthquake, and next thing was, I was knocked down by an invisible force like a wind and became unconscious for a couple of hours.

After I got back up from the knockout, the light was no more, and it took weeks before the entire estate fixed it.
So it seemed I was the only one that had light for those few seconds.
But I was determined to watch that CD again to understand what really happened.

How did Bishop Noel Jones know about my situation from such a far country?
So I carried the CD player to my barber's shop who was my mentee in ministry.

When I got there and played the CD, I didn't find the message. I played it from episode to episode since it was a collection, still found nothing.

Since the words from Bishop Noel Jones were the very first words that opened that particular series that addressed my situation, it would be easy to find the exact episode where he spoke those words if I could listen to the first few minutes of every series but I found nothing. I went on and on for days, and found nothing, not even anything related to it.

Till this day, that part of the message is nowhere to be found.
It was after this incident that I gathered the courage to end the marriage and face whatever criticism and derogatory remarks it would gather.
When the news of my failed marriage got out, it shook everything I had laboured for.

Ministry
Reputation
Relationships
Sponsors
All lost.

Doors were shut against me. Even the doors I installed by myself for people, they shut those doors against me.
Even the ones I raised in ministry and taught them what they know and do, shut down every connection I shared with them .

Everyone felt terribly disappointed.
I couldn't put up any defence. I let them believe whatever they heard.

Friends and colleagues felt disappointed and turned their backs.

No one cared to know what happened because all the while it was going on, I kept it from everyone, because I knew no one would believe it. The lady in question looked so fragile like she would not hurt a fly.

It would be my words against her, which was exactly what happened when the marriage crashed.

Even my spiritual father whom I took bullets for, and made enemies in order to prove my loyalty to him, shut his door against me when the news got to him.

He didn't care to know what happened. I tried reaching out to him countless times but he wouldn't even give me a listening ear.

Worse case scenario, he blocked every avenue through which I could reach him and instructed other pastors who submitted to him not to give me any of his contacts.
If this rejection didn't kill me, nothing else would!

Till today, none of my calls and messages were responded to.
It's been 8 years.

But I moved on.
The LORD asked me to.
For years I lived like a broken record.
I was a shadow of myself.
I became a fathom of myself.
I was a laughing stock amongst preachers.

It sounds so weird to hear that I contemplated suicide. Yes, even myself was shocked at first.

But some things are better left unsaid. I don't want to say what happened.
As the LORD would have it, I obtained Mercy of the LORD, so much more that years later, slowly and surely, I am experiencing a quiet rebuilding of my life and ministry.

I died.
But I am alive today.
My ministry died.
But it's alive today.

Because God never left, when everyone left.
That suicide attempt reassured me that God still loved me, regardless!

I don't know which minister of the gospel is going through a major crisis in their marriage right now.
I don't know what state of confusion you have found yourself at.

I am writing this to let you know:
God's plan for your life is bigger than your failed marriage. It's bigger than your failed relationships!
God's plan for your life is bigger than your failed ministry.

God's plan for your life is bigger than man's religious dispositions.
Divorce doesn't end God's plan for a man.

Failure doesn't invalidate God's counsel for your life.

There can still be life after divorce.
There can still be ministry after failure.
Don't turn your temporary pain into a permanent hell.
The multitude of your mess cannot surpass the infinitude of God's mercies. Because His mercies are new every morning.
There's a consolation in Christ, and I hope you find comfort in that!

It's the dawn of a new day!

Pastor CC Israel
Serving Shepherd at Inspiration Community Gospel Centre ICGC, Abuja!