She sat across the table from me. Pouring her heart out in-between bouts of tears. I’d become somewhat accustomed to the drama that was constant between her and her husband. She was threatening to leave for good this time and had actually arranged her things.
Her issue was the sex life between her and her husband was nonexistent. He hadn’t touched her for over a year. She married as a virgin and in her words, she was looking forward to ‘enjoying s*x in its fullest’. So ending up with a spouse that has weaponised it was too much of a cross to bear.
My mind flashed back to the chronicle of Thursday were the writer complained that her husband was literarily starving her but was getting his fill outside.
A number of married peeps fail to realize that the satisfaction of their spouse is a duty and not subject to choice. Letting your partners needs go unmet is a serious wedge in the union. Frankly, I think it bothers on wickedness. I’ll like to point out that Nigerian law considers conjugal obligation to be a right and can order the offending party to resume his or her duty to the spouse. Of course this holds within agreeable boundaries.
Outside ill health, nothing whatsoever permits you to deny your spouse gbenshing. Anyhow wey mouth quarrel, e no suppose reach dat side. O yes! Una fit continue una quarrel later but make nothing stop una collecting.
That said, there may be legitimate reasons why a spouse may not find his or her spouse desirable. However, you help him or her address that issue. I know hygiene, added weight, emotional detachment and economic pressure can causes couples to not desire each other but these are things that can be worked on.
This column is and will remain a strong advocate for Marriage. Healthy, wholesome and sound marriages at that. I’ll bring your way deep and thought provoking issues that we can all engage in.
Next weekend, we will talk about cheating bastards and the wives that enable them. We will go deeper from there subsequently. I’ll look forward to your engagement.
DOG.
DOG.
Starving your partner is evil
ReplyDeleteHmm, marriage is a long time commitment,it definitely not easy at all.
ReplyDeletemarriage..hmmmm,,no be for the fainthearted
ReplyDeleteGood one from Dog👍 Marriage issues are inexhaustible sha!
ReplyDeleteUsing sex as a weapon in marriage is evil and always boomerang. 🙄🙄🙄
ReplyDeleteBv Doggedity?
ReplyDeleteNice one
When You Marry The Right Partner
ReplyDeleteHe or She will not Starve You Of Your Conjuring Right.
Hello iya Boys
A very beautiful segment.
ReplyDeleteWell-done Doggy 👍🏼
I know someone her husband denies sex,like once in 3 months. Then he starves her whenever they have misunderstanding. Like for three weeks now no feeding money. I told her I won't tell her what to do,that when the time is right she will know what to do. The man is just playing God.
ReplyDeleteThis one too is married? Marriage?Ha. God abeg.
DeleteE sure me say she go still day tell single people to go and marry.
Father in heaven, may persons like this never see me . Bkes me with a partner that loved you and loves correctly Amen
Can't she work and feed herself?
DeleteGod forbid that I rely on a man for feeding.
My husband kuku knows that I'm a hustler, he won't dare use money to punish me. Somebody that I lend money to? Women, pls hustle hard.
I don't understand,weaponize it as??
ReplyDeleteI don't get.
Some men sha....
ReplyDeleteHope her husband is not an ageygey?
ReplyDeleteWeaponisation of sex in relationships or marriage is one of the most silent but destructive forms of emotional manipulation. At its core, intimacy is not just about physical pleasure; it is a language of love, reassurance, and bonding. When one partner deliberately withholds it to punish, control, or test the other.
ReplyDeleteAnd when it's undeliberate it's about unresolved personal conflict. It often shows up in marriages where partners lack healthy tools for communication or where one person feels unseen, unappreciated, or resentful. Instead of voicing their pain, they “act it out” by withholding intimacy.
From the script you shared, the woman’s pain is not just about the lack of sex; it is about rejection. To be denied, consistently, by the very person you chose for life feels like abandonment inside the marriage bed. It sends the message: you are not worthy, you are not desired, you are not enough. That is why she reached the breaking point - because sex, beyond being a duty, affirms presence, belonging, and companionship.
In balancing my point, I don’t believe intimacy should be treated as an entitlement in the crude sense, where one person demands it like food from the kitchen. Marriage does not erase consent. What I oppose is the intentional starvation of a spouse as a tool of discipline or power - which is a cruel strategy. If there are issues - hygiene, resentment, health, or unresolved hurt - they must be confronted honestly, not weaponised.
A marriage where sex is used as punishment is like a house where oxygen is rationed - everyone suffocates slowly. With time, it breeds bitterness, infidelity, and a sense of betrayal that apologies alone cannot heal.
That's why in marriage, intimacy should never be wielded as a whip - a form of passive-aggression. It should remain what it was designed to be - a meeting ground for passion not a battlefield. If love is the bedrock of marriage, then weaponising sex is a betrayal of that very foundation - which only means love is already under siege.
Why should one have sex in a relationship ? Sex is sacred and should only happen in a legal union called Marriage . Anything other than that is pervasion which is what we see today in our society.
DeleteEasy with AI epistles
DeleteNice Column. I look forward to reading them.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm, I went through my husband's Facebook and I almost thought it has been hacked, old women in porn pages,he likes them old,sag and sexy in sexy lingerie.
ReplyDeleteWhile I'm in my mid thirties,what do some men really want?