SERIOUS ADVICE NEEDED
I am a 30 year old lady. I have been trusting God for a spouse. Recently I met a guy. Let's call him Dapo. He resides in Lagos. I reside in Ibadan.
I want marriage.
According to Dapo, he said he earns 110k in a firm in Lagos which is small because of Lagos life expenses. Whenever we talk he is always talking about getting a job in a better organization. He interned for a radio cus he studied mass communication in school but the radio station didn't employ him.
I don't wish to relocate to Lagos because of the high cost of living. He said he can't relocate to Ibadan either except he gets a job and I have been pestering him to submit his hard copy CV to me so that I can submit it in offices in Ibadan.
He told me to use my money to do print his soft copy CV out and submit in any offices . Is that a good thing to do or he should have given me money to help him run it ...
He told me to use my money to do print his soft copy CV out and submit in any offices . Is that a good thing to do or he should have given me money to help him run it ...
Our relationship is just 3months old and I am been careful not to invest in the wrong guy. The first time we met in the eatery when he visited me in Ibadan.
He ordered for drinks and meat pie before I came in cus I came late but when I came in he never asked what I cared for till I paid for my drinks and pie.
He ordered for drinks and meat pie before I came in cus I came late but when I came in he never asked what I cared for till I paid for my drinks and pie.
He said he wasn't with his ATM and he doesn't have too much cash on him cus he will be traveling to Lagos that very day. All what I ate was #2000 which I paid myself. He said when he collects his next salary he will refund me the 2k I used in buying my drinks and pie.
Now the question is this Isn't this sign of a stingy man or should I say he is an economist who spends carefully. He couldn't give me money to help me run his CV submission in Ibadan. I am thinking will he take care of me if we get married or I should just believe he is broke at the moment.
My sister said for the fact that he used his money to come to Ibadan without asking me for tfare means he's a good man that I should overlook his lack of courtesy of not buying drinks for me. I can take care of myself but I don't want to make mistake..
Now the question is this Isn't this sign of a stingy man or should I say he is an economist who spends carefully. He couldn't give me money to help me run his CV submission in Ibadan. I am thinking will he take care of me if we get married or I should just believe he is broke at the moment.
My sister said for the fact that he used his money to come to Ibadan without asking me for tfare means he's a good man that I should overlook his lack of courtesy of not buying drinks for me. I can take care of myself but I don't want to make mistake..
BVS what do you think?
What is your sister saying? Is he supposed to collect transport fare from you?why do you ladies like settling for nonsense?
And why are you so desperate? has he proposed? You wanna get a job for someone who isnt even your boyfriend in the proper sense of the word......
The month will end and trust me, he wont refund your money for the meatpie....
Some men are used to being funded by Ladies and no matter how much they have, they will wait for you to bring yours out...
Watch him and decide if he is stingy or broke or just managing himself..
Everything about this story points to a stingy man who even if he has will not bring it out...
Since you are the one pushing for marriage, pushing for a job and pushing for everything, this is how you will keep pushing in the marriage otherwise nothing will move....
This one never ready for marriage na, my sister look for another man
ReplyDeleteStella don talk am finish.
DeleteBaby girl first you are thinking too far when you don't even know the guy.
Second you never hear wetin dey happen to Bob the builder women before? Abeg Google am. Even for this blog, you no dey read plenty stories?
Abeg throway dis fish back into the ocean. Plenty fish dey there for fine baby girl like you.
Stella! you made me had a good laugh this afternoon. "Since you are the one pushing for marriage, pushing for a job and pushing for everything, this is how you will keep pushing in the marriage otherwise nothing will move...." lol
DeleteStingy or not, a salary of 110k is too small for marriage. Leave him to grow and find someone who is ready. Except if you are working and earn enough and also want to be the bread winner. You are also not a very generous babe, waiting for him to give you money to print out resumes to distribute. How much would that cost? Both of you do not believe in helping your partner.
DeleteHe ain't no Economist. HE IS STINGY.
ReplyDeleteRed flag!
ReplyDeleteRun!
Even if na one bottle of pet coke. Haba!
Shine your eyes o
ReplyDeleteHe's not ready to settle now o
He doesn't even like her. She just can't see it. A man, even a broke one cannot like you and spill that rubbish. She is a natural fixer and if she isn't careful and start putting boundaries in place now, they will use her tire.
DeleteMy sister, earning #110,000 is nothing in this economy most especially if his Job is not close to where he lives. I will advise you should be patient with him. I don't think he's stingy. It's just how life is to him at the moment.
ReplyDeleteIf you believe in his future, stay with him
No matter how small a guy earns, if he really likes you and isn't stingy he will give you out of the little. It is just natural. This one refuses to buy you even Cola. If you enter this you will likely regret it.
DeleteDear Poster,
ReplyDeleteBoth of you are not in agreement or alignment in any way, shape or form....Plus the distance between both of you....Both of you are not ready to compromise in terms of relocating and I won't blame both of you for that; you wouldn't want to leave familiarity over uncertainty....
I doubt you are in any relationship...At best, you both are getting to know yourselves and Dapo is not ready mentally, financially and all....It is best you let each other go and find people who completely align or ready to compromise to a reasonable extent....
Don't do anything out of desperation; I don't agree with your sister....Courtesy demands that he asks what you want even if both of you decide to go dutch...Dapo is not the person for you...Don't force or hurry love; it comes naturally....
May the love that you seek find you and wishing you...
All the best....
@ Poster, he might or might not be a stingy person; he could simply be someone who carefully manages his expenses based on his monthly salary. However, it’s true that in many African societies, there’s an expectation that a man should pay on the first date. In contrast, in Europe and other developed countries, the mentality is quite different, women often pay for their own meals, not just on the first date, as it is regarded as a gesture of self-respect and independence.
ReplyDeleteIf financial stability is a deal breaker for you, then it’s best not to settle for less. Take your time, don’t rush into marriage or a committed relationship.
This is way too much to overlook..and he's making it look like he's doing you a favour...just observe him more
ReplyDeleteMy sister, for the guy to come from Lagos to Ibadan to see you, for me try ooo. If really you want to help him, printing out his cv is not a big deal. Help him, God will reward you. Sometimes we reap the reward of our good deeds in another way we didn't expect. Marriage must not happen, it may happen and may not last.
ReplyDeleteRead this too, sometimes you can decide to help someone though everything is not marriage anyways🙄 don't be desperate biko chillax
DeleteI agree with you, Everything is not about marriage or what a man can do for you as a woman. Printing hard copy of CV for 1000-2000 naira or less should not be counted as an investment in a man.
DeleteYou know it yourself that 110k is nothing in this economy, so why do you expect him to pay for the snack you had? To be candid, Not only do you sound desperate but you also sound hungry. There’s no mention of how you feel about the guy or his other qualities. It sounds like all you care about is getting any male to marry you and feed ‘take care of you’.
The question now is not whether he is stingy, rather you should ask yourself whether his salary merged with yours can sustain you both and it looks like the answer is no.
Please don’t go and burden that poor guy, Nigeria is hard enough as it is.
From your comment you sounded silly..Nonsense comment
DeleteThis ain't it at aaaaall.. sister girl, keep moving.
ReplyDeleteI was getting anxiety while reading this. The whole thing feels forced and rushed. Is Dapo the last man on earth? How many times have we stated that desperation leads to destruction.
ReplyDeletePoster your fear is genuine and I understand your situation because I married late also and to the glory of God my marriage will be 12 years this December, please don't be too pushy so you won't marry yourself. Let him make the decision of relocating to Ibada himself if he believes in you both to be a couple or else he will become a liability and blame you for bringing him to Ìbàdàn if doesn't settle down fast.
ReplyDeleteThis number you are calling is restricted from receiving calls. You have not seen your husband yet. Use correct rope and tie your money.
ReplyDeleteLol. You got it. @Zaram
DeleteAnd I totally agree with Sdk.
Even if he had little, he should have thought of you and what you will take.
He is not the one. He is looking for someone who will help him.
Mammi Stella Gbam👍 you are there
ReplyDeletePoster read Stella's advice and meditate on it daily🙄
So it is compulsory he must pay for the snack you ate even after spending his money and time to come visiting you.And u can't make sacrifice of less than 1000 to print Cv even if he is an acquaintance or or a random person. While accusing another person we should also examine our actions and inaction
ReplyDeleteIf you enter any relationship will this mindset hmmm... Anyway allow time to reveal things you are expecting too much for a mere 3 month relationship
How is she expecting too much? Stingy men everywhere.
DeleteI am the Poster
ReplyDeleteI might relocate to Lagos if I meet a man that has a good job after all my job has branches all over Nigeria. I am a civil servant. The courtsey of not buying drinks on the date is what's unsettling my spirit
Babe don't ignore your gut feeling.
DeleteBut the courtesy of you not printing a CV that is not more than 1k is not unsettling to you?
DeletePot calling kettle black.
Keep moving ooooo. He's not yet ready.
ReplyDeleteIn 2025, I met my ex husband and he asked me to borrow him 5k then which I did. I was 25years of age not like I was desperate. He was into marketing job where he only get paid commission and I felt for him or maybe I saw his bright future and decided to give him a chance. That was how we ended up getting married with me providing 70% of all the bill till 2years into the marriage. He later got a very good job and can even go to the extent of giving me everything but his act of womanizing after becoming a big boy made me leave the marriage. So if you ask me poster, leave this guy, if he has real money, he wont come to you. What I have come to realize is that all men have a choice. some of them are just with some certain women because those are the women who can accept their present situation.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing. I am of the same sentiment with you because of my own experiences.
DeleteJust watch and see,he may truly be going through a rough patch.
ReplyDeleteIf the excuses become the order of the day,just keep it moving,no need for long stories.
I feel for you
ReplyDeleteYou don’t want to invest ke
Look at you asking for cv so you can go and submit…..no be investment ba?
Look at you paying for meat pie on a first date,first date,first date Kai I want to sound you …but you don’t want to invest ba?
Madam have you slept with this guy? You dob knack am?
You are invested emotionally
Please look well
Nigerian women are too desperate for marriage and it’s sickening and frightening at the same time , also your sister is the queen of pickme’s , don’t take her advice!
ReplyDeleteGirl relax , marriage isn’t a do or die affair , you’re doing too much for a guy who isn’t ready to pull his weight and you would be the breadwinner!
Enjoy your singleness
I am 60 years old. For every decade of my life I've had multiple proposals. Desperation is written all over you. This guy is not it at all. Your sister I'm sorry to say has no standards. This guy is broke which is not a crime. But not paying for your food is a huge red flag. He is nowhere ready for the responsibilities of a family.
ReplyDeleteI believe in supporting the person you're with but this right here is not giving a good signal please. Halt a little and watch. Don't be desperate, marriage will come when it's time and it will be beautiful.
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeleteI see a woman who truly wants marriage and peace of mind, but your eagerness may be blurring your judgment. From how you’ve described both of you, it looks like you’re a relationship idealist - you love with intention and move fast when it feels right. He, on the other hand, sounds like a relationship realist - he takes his time to decide and acts slowly for fear of mistake. That alone can cause friction because you’re not flowing at the same emotional pace - this mismatch in pace is your first incompatibility.
At just three months in, observation should outweigh investment. You’re already chasing job leads, assessing his generosity, and even thinking relocation - actions meant for a more committed phase with direction. That imbalance is already showing who’s carrying more weight - the second red flag.
About the CV matter - it’s not about the money, but the mindset. A man who’s comfortable letting you spend on his goals without remorse might do the same in bigger ways later. Broke people can still be intentional: they show effort, gratitude, responsibility, and respect. The same goes for the eatery incident: it wasn’t that you paid that mattered, but his lack of courtesy - he didn’t even acknowledge it. We don’t need money to be considerate. Courtesy doesn’t cost a thing. His silence says more than his words.
He may not be a bad man, but he’s clearly not ready - emotionally, financially, or mentally - for what you’re looking for. Don’t label him stingy just yet, you haven't earned that right,. But don’t ignore the pattern either. Recognise that his capacity doesn’t match your expectations right now. Stay friendly if you must, but stop investing until you see consistency that matches the kindness you bring in, not just talk.
Are you desperate, sis? I think you’re just overly hopeful to get it right this first or second time. But hope needs boundaries; otherwise, it becomes self-deception. The foundation is his to build; yours is to discern whether the blueprint aligns with your dream. Only then should you lend your effort to the construction carefully.
three months is too short to conclude if he is stingy or not, why don't you print his cv and submit it to those offices you feel will accept him if you are sure he has the qualification as he said. Submit his cv and watch when any of those companies invite him for interview if he will come around or request for money from you.
ReplyDeleteyou can help him to submit his cv but please do not loan him any money or show him how much you worth till you are sure he is ready for commitment. Remember to close your legs and do not allow desperation to push you into giving your cookies jar right now. Even if he will not marry you, there is no big deal by assisting him to get a good job or get better connection. You don't know what life have in stock for you, tomorrow he may be of help to you. Not every help should lead to marriage, just assist where you can and keep moving.
Dear poster, you've assumed the place of the man in the relationship. You are too forward in every move. I'm not saying your assistance shouldn't shine sometimes. But your guy seems too laid back in everything. Watch it!
ReplyDeleteHe may not change when you both become officially entangled.
Redflag Don't start what you cannot finish.
ReplyDeleteBecause you are 30ys you believe any man that comes to you is marriage? He's not even talking about it from your post,deep down that man is married with family.just concentrate on yourself please.
ReplyDeletePoster You better leave that useless boy! After almost 4yrs with a man than has the same attitude as this your yeye supposed boyfriend I finally got brain to break up with him. He won't change...NEVER! First I didn't mind as I was working and took care of all my bills and initiated all major moves in the relationship,even as he made more money he never changed his attitude.I complained about his non challant attitude. He will promise to change but Nothing!We must have broken up like 3 times but we always managed to reconcile. In almost 4yrs the highest this man has given me is 10k and the only present he has given me was worth 13k was just this yr and that was after plenty talk.He is 43yrs old, single and still lives in his fathers house with his father! But he always wants to come to chill at my own apartment to relax and be taken care of. I resented his attitude.Poster if you marry this type of man you will cheat ehn! It's better to leave him that be cheating in your marriage!
ReplyDelete