Hmmmm......
THE ORPHAN
I am an orphan and was raised in an orphanage home and I'm financially stable from proceeds I get from my little business and job....
I met my husband during a church crusade we attended from the home..
My sisters and brothers I am in a toxic marriage but i chose not to be the victim and I can't leave too because I have no family to rely on or call my own who I can leave my kids with.
My husband has this lady friend whom according to both of them circumstances didn't allow them marry, I think blood group issues or so and this issue has brought much more issues to my family.
One time I reported to him to his elder sister and she told me boldly that men are polygamous in nature and I should let him explore as long as he's providing my needs.
Secondly, she said men and whoever their friends are deserve respect, because one time I called his lady friend and she asked me to call the lady back and apologize because my husband felt like I disrespected him and his partner.
I've accepted fate but currently now I am not on talking terms with my husband but he does everything he's supposed to do, he subscribes my phone, he sends me money if and when needed, the other day he came back i didn't cook and i told him i don't have the strength to cook, he went to the eatery and got us food and even added shawarma.
My people , I forgot to add that the one time I called his girlfriend to challenge her because my husband stopped coming back home, the girl gave her conditions that I should maintain peace and not get pregnant again and that if not that there's no solution to what separated them, she would have given him his babies and not me. She even said, they only separated and didn't fight.
Honestly I need coping strategies please, I'm even thinking of relocating abroad but how will I cope with no direct family of mine.
OH MY GOD!!!!....you are in a hostage situation and not a marriage!........So because you are an orphan he decided to treat you like this? I think you were chosen to just birth him babies and not for love and I am sure you agreed to marry him cos you wanted a stable home which you have...My advice to you face your kids and give them a good environment to grow up...You already know he will not leave this lady, so i advise that you just go about as if you dont know that she exists..If he doesnt come back home, just ignore him and go about your life as if he too does not exist...He will still send money for the kids dont worry....Relocating abroad with kids is not easy and needs the understanding of a spouse oh...Dont let anyone make you think it is easy....Stay where you are if you are being cared for financially...Ignore his girlfriend and since you have hid number, play their game with them and call her to salute her...LOL
You already know he doesnt love you so this info should help you handle things better.....I wish i could hug you...Wishing you all the best.
Toooorrrrrrr !!!!
ReplyDeleteehhh, another one. JESUS please fix it.
ReplyDeleteSince he's doing what he's supposed to do, ignore them if you know you can't leave, treat them as ghosts, but if I were you, I will never stay in that kind of loveless marriage.
ReplyDeleteWhether we tell you to ignore, face front, pray, etc
DeleteRead my lips
IT IS NOT EASY TO IGNORE
look for something to keep yourself busy, and if you are working, concentrate and be friends with some colleagues and once in a while go for owambe.
Always look good
One day, na dem go scatter themselves.
You called her? 🤦♀️. Why do some women do this. Face your hubby and leave his partner alone.
ReplyDeleteIt is not wrong to call the other woman so long as insulting words are not told the woman. Some women do not know the man is married. Some women have been told convicting words that caused them to change and free the man especially in cases where the man would ordinarily go out with any other woman.
DeleteYou may also be surprised to know that men call or serve polite notice by other means too about their wayward wives contrary to the proverbial stereotyping of men.
I hope you did not call the lady to apologize. Your husband and his sister are not okay in the head.
ReplyDeleteKai, some of you are suffering in your marriages.
Since your husband is not violent towards you, I would advice you to stay put. What were you thinking calling the other lady, na you give her body see finish o.
Consider yourself and hubby flat mates. As painful as it is, do not complain anymore, stop being moody and act like it doesn't matter what he is doing. If you still want more kids, by all means get pregnant o.
As for the stupid woman, pray to God to judge her and give it time.
So God should judge only the woman? What about the man she exchanged vows with?
Delete16:08, na devil go judge the man. Slutty no dey blame men but women.
DeleteHe doesn't love you then stop loving him too..
ReplyDeleteGive birth to the number of kids you want, since he takes care of you and the kids..
Ignore them completely,face your life..
Get a business and be busy,STOP calling her,also call Ur husband only when its necessary,stop disturbing him, looking for his attention..
She's the one wasting her time and energy on a married man,who won't marry her and she will forever remain a shadow..
You have God, even without anyone God will not abandon you and will judge them at the right time..
Take care of yourself,stop thinking about them,eat well,look Good,smile all the time and DRESS WELL..my dear make yourself happy..
Hmmm. Sometimes I don't get it. You went fur a companion but years down the line you are told to fsce your children. This transition can't be easy for anyone. But why are humans like this by the way. You leave your wife and be famzing side chick more. God Abey ooo
ReplyDeleteYour man has two wives
ReplyDeleteI’m only annoyed that he didn’t say this before the marriage
It’s not fair to you at all
Why not break them up in the spirit
It’s not every time you accept a rival
I do believe God can put them asunder for you and I don’t even think I have plenty faith like that
But still pray that Gos should remove her from his life seeing as you need him to survive
I would leave but one size doesn’t fit all
Poster its unfair how you are being treated. Focus on your children and ignore him, it won't be easy.
ReplyDeleteIt is a tough situation my dear but I will advise you to ensure that you have a private saving - did you hear me ? Private saving because this marriage is not guarantee this man can still walk away one day.
ReplyDeleteDon't have children that you will not be able to take care of if yawah gas.
I wish you well
Does the fact that one is an orphan means one should take this kind of insult, who were those that stood as your parent when u wedded, i believe the orphanage home matron or so, please you have a family, inform them about the issue first before you make your decision.since his own people or sister aint thinking logically. what an insult you are wnduring becaus3 you are an orphan or because of children or because of the things he should do as a man ordinarily that is becloding you as if he is doing something out of the blues? is it until you are infected with STD before you run for your life ? its either you go down on yor knees and keep praying harder or you separare for your sanity sake and peace of mind. Both of them are only telling you that you are only good for making babies Nonsense!
ReplyDeletePoster, just follow Stella's advice. Focus on yourself and kids.
ReplyDeleteTechnically, there is a solution to their sickle cell issue...IVF. The embryos that are AA and AS will be the only ones implanted.
ReplyDeleteThe side chick is clearly wasting her time. Before she knows it, decades have passed and only then will she realise that she has missed out on having her own family. The man is the only winner here! He gets to have his cake and eat it too.
Your start in life wasn't ideal. You didn't get to experience familial love...and you clearly still haven't, with this man you call your husband. I would advice you to leave and find happiness elsewhere. Find your own "love of a lifetime".
Let him take care of his responsibilities like he has been doing. Create a custody schedule with him. Ensure things are in order...but let him go where his heart wants to be.
What a life
ReplyDeleteSo sorry sis
I support Stella fully on this one.
ReplyDeleteHmmm…this one hard sha.
ReplyDeleteHmm… if this whole situation is really affecting your mental health, please leave that marriage.
ReplyDeleteAlso, don’t call that lady again. She owes you no loyalty, your husband does.
Abroad is not easy, no marriage is easy. No one in life is having it easy. Everyone has to fight their battles.
ReplyDeleteWhat do you mean by family? If you have your kids, they are family. When they grow up they will look after you.
If you are Igbo and worried about where you will be going home for Christmas or where you will be buried, worry no more, a lot of Igbo people who have families spent Christmas where they are (ala wu oto) and when they died, they are buried in cemetery.
Most of the things that worry Africans are frivolous to be honest.
Dear poster, your story breaks my heart. There is One who fills the void in the human heart. I don't know your religious inclination but I will like to advice you to see God at work in your life. Go through the story of your life and thank God for every detail: good, pleasant, painful, unpleasant. Even in the seeming trials of life, God is at work in each of our lives. I am a believer and will counsel you as my faith permits. Look for the book Knowing The God of Unparallelled Goodness. The author is Zacharias Tanee Fomum, a second book is Inner Healing by the same author. Both books will help you see the hand of God in your life. Do not dwell on how your supposed husband is treating you. Jesus is Alive and in Him you can find rest for your weary heart. May the God of mercy reach out to you and meet the needs which He alone can meet. Don't fight your rival or leave your marriage if the man is handling his responsibilities. God will sort you out in His time and in His way. I wish you God's peace.
ReplyDeleteThis is not fair to you. I feel for you
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, protect yourself from him incase of any STDs. This is an emotional abuse if we are being truthful but if you can cope with it and he is not physically abusing you, try to give your children a stable home to grow up in
But if you think relocating abroad would be the best for you, then I think you should consider it mostly if your husband is in support and will not cease his support when you get there so that you won't face too much difficulties. I'm so sorry for what you are passing through
I beg you please do not call that lady again, even if he goes missing and you do not know where he is do not call her phone. Never give your power away to anyone! Also do not contact his sister or complain about his affair with anyone else. Just stay prayerful.
ReplyDeleteYes, the reality is that you were not his first choice and you do not hold his heart. Perhaps there is a piece of him that feels guilt so he provides and do the expected on the home front, and maybe to a degree he has some love for you, but it is different. Getting food at the eatery for both of you and adding shawarma is not anything exceptional, but as you have not had a lot of opportunity to see generosity in life it may seem like goodness.
As you are unable to leave the marriage because of lacking the necessary finances and without family, I would suggest that the first thing you do is to take care of your health, eat very nutritiously so that you have the health you need to take care of your children, also take care of your mental health and put your mind on what is uplifting and that brings you joy. Then focus on improving your finances, maybe you need to go back to school, learn a new skill, or add something different to your business that can drive sales. Make a new plan for your financial prosperity in 2026, and work on it. You may never leave your husband because of fear of the unknown, but try to make some meaningful connections in life. People can be shytty and sometimes downright awful, but there are always amazing people on earth. You can pray to God to guide you to meet good people who will be lifelong friends, try to make connections so that you will not feel so alone. If volunteering is an option, you can also do some charitable work, this is always a good way to meet people and do something for others. But put yourself first, your mental, physical and financial health. When your story chances and you see yourself do not give out all your money to your husband, use it for the betterment of the children, if you purchase property put it in your name or under a trust. Go to financial empowerment classes and learn about money and the power of compound interest. Invest in yourself and God will take you where He wants you to go. Your entire life is not about your marriage or your husband, you still have an identity of your own, a life to live and be joyful about, so go and develop yourself so that you can have your achievements in life.
So sorry for you.
ReplyDeleteSorry though, but I believed you saw it coming but you thought he would changed, but here you are.
ReplyDeleteIf you can close you ear and just face your home, if you have kids and he’s not violent.
Km so sorry for your predicament, but you know better, we can only say our minds.
Fool
DeleteMy sister, you have a co-wife o. But that man is wicked for putting you in this triangle without your consent. He clearly doesn't love you. He only married you because he couldn't marry the one he truly loves.
ReplyDeleteIt won't be easy, but you need to accept that you're in a polygamous marriage. If your mental health can manage it, stay. If not, take a walk. Hopefully, he'll continue to take care of the children if that happens.
If you want to stay, you'll need to detach yourself emotionally from him, ignore the other woman you have no business with her. Focus on yourself, your growth, and whatever happiness you can get outside of your husband. Thankfully, he's responsible for you and the children financially, so that makes it easier. A lot like him won't even take care of the home. It won't be easy, because I'm sure you married him because you love him and didn't sign up for this kind of situationship. But as things are now, your options are limited. In all, give birth to the number of children you can single handedly take care of. It is well with you.
Abroad is easy if he’s willing to sponsor
ReplyDeleteYour work here maybe done and some people like to be fair
You’ve given him kids so he might sponsor you and the kids abroad and slowly you both go your separate ways but now he has kids somewhere and can marry the other lady
Ask him about moving and judge by how he responds
Nne listen to Stella, she said it all....play that game with them,be quiet,act like you don't care anymore, take care of your kids and enjoy your hobbies now.....as long as he provides for you and the kids,try and be saying too
ReplyDeletePoster just take ma'am Stella advice, focus on yourself kids job and business, i know it's hard to do.
ReplyDeletePls leave if you can ,a man cant hold you hostage like this what if you continue and he infected you with HIV ?will you be alive to take care of those children?you live first please
ReplyDeleteWhy do you allow a man disrespect you this much? My heart broke reading this. You deserve better. What you seek in a marriage is not what this man is offering so why are you still there? He is using you, then use him back... Haa haa! Collect good money from him. In 2026, save and leave his ass. Let him go and sort his life with his ex. Go out there and open a business for yourself, mingle with people, love yourself because it is clear that you hate you. If you continue like this, you won't last talk less of knowing what it means to be loved. I wish I could see you and talk some sense into you.
ReplyDeleteLast last, na that his side chick go lose. At old age, she will reap what she’s sowing now, including the man. Just take care of yourself and your kids.
ReplyDeleteShe won’t lose oh
DeleteDon’t keep waiting on karma
Evil wins many times
Cold and calculative man. God will judge him. I feel your pains,from your chronicle. My only suggestion is to genuinely give your life to God. He will soothe your soul.🙏🏿🤗😔
ReplyDeleteSo heartbreaking. It's because he knows you have nowhere to go. Just do as aunty Stella said. It's very unfortunate
ReplyDeleteHello Poster,
ReplyDeletePeople will tell you to focus on your children and ignore your man, as if it’s something easy. Yes, many women in your situation do it. What they won’t tell you is the bitterness that grows inside you when you choose silence over sanity. That bitterness doesn’t stay still; it hardens. It becomes unforgiving. Sometimes it even turns vengeful. How long can anyone live like that?
I truly sympathise with you. There are moments we wish we could undo our reality with a snap of the fingers. But life rarely grants such mercy. And as troubling as your situation is, the problem you have isn’t even the drama itself - it’s your isolation as a wife and mother.
Hello Poster,
ReplyDeletePeople will tell you to focus on your children and ignore your man, as if it’s something easy. Yes, many women in your situation do it. What they won’t tell you is the bitterness that grows inside you when you choose silence over sanity. That bitterness doesn’t stay still; it hardens. It becomes unforgiving. Sometimes it even turns vengeful. How long can anyone live like that?
I truly sympathise with you. There are moments we wish we could undo our reality with a snap of the fingers. But life rarely grants such mercy. And as troubling as your situation is, the problem you have isn’t even the drama itself - it’s your isolation as a wife and mother.
Your husband no longer sees you as someone he must honour. He treats you the way people treat an empty field: planting what they like, harvesting what they want, burning what doesn’t serve them - and expecting you to stay quiet. After all, you’re being “taken care of,” even if your needs are dismissed, and your feelings are treated as an inconvenience.
ReplyDeleteMany women have been conditioned to accept such bare-minimum provision while drowning in resentment. But a man who feeds you just enough to keep you alive will always call his cruelty “care.” And the moment you speak up, he reminds you that the roof over your head belongs to him. Should that be love, or hostage logic, many wear as marriage?
The painful part isn’t the side woman. It’s how quickly everyone around him justifies her - how normal it is for your dignity to be traded for upkeep. We come from a culture where a woman’s endurance is praised far more loudly than her well-being, stability, peace, or safety.
ReplyDeleteIt's uncomfortable for me to hear you write about suffering because you’re an orphan. Even women with large families face the same fate in some marriages. You’re trapped because you built your entire world inside a man who has no intention of sheltering you completely. That’s the real danger you're not telling yourself.
@Ebony Oge
The escape you need isn’t relocation. It’s rebuilding your sense of self outside his shadow. Money helps - so by all means, find strategic ways to secure more resources and save intentionally. Community helps too. But the real turning point comes when you stop believing you must “manage” pain simply because you lack a traditional backup family. Some so-called backup families are even more concerned about their pockets than your well-being.
ReplyDeleteYou don’t need a clan. You need a clear, informed plan.
You shouldn't be looking for coping mechanisms. You should be creating innovative ways to breathe in a space designed to choke you while you think.
@Ebony Oge
Whatever you decide, make sure your eyes are wide open. A loveless home raises hollow children. A silenced mother teaches her daughters to diminish and wither. And a husband who feels entitled to another woman’s companionship will never truly respect the one in his house.
ReplyDeleteNothing about choosing survival is disloyal. Sometimes the bravest thing anyone can do is refuse to become furniture in another person’s life story.
Pray, yes - but stay practical. Don’t let faith blind you to the reality you must navigate. May God give you the wisdom to steady your fear and heal your pain.
Whatever you decide, make sure your eyes are wide open. A loveless home raises hollow children. A silenced mother teaches her daughters to diminish and wither. And a husband who feels entitled to another woman’s companionship will never truly respect the one in his house.
ReplyDeleteNothing about choosing survival is disloyal. Sometimes the bravest thing anyone can do is refuse to become furniture in another person’s life story.
Pray, yes - but stay practical. Don’t let faith blind you to the reality you must navigate. May God give you the wisdom to steady your fear and heal your pain.
@Ebony Oge
Whatever you do, please do not put anger on your kids
ReplyDelete