DOGS Corner

Earlier in the week, I received a call from a long standing client of mine in Ghana. Over the years of doing business with him, we established a great bit of rapport. I found him quite a knowledgeable conversationalist and I would look forward to our chats.

A while back, he confided in me that his marriage was going through a bit of a storm and it was taking a toll on him. He didn't want to say it directly but I deduced that his wife wasn't too comfortable with his line of work. He was the pastor of a small branch of a worldwide 'winning' ministry headquartered in Nigeria. His wife resented him for that. It made no sense since he was a pastor before getting married to her.

Despite every intervention and counselling sessions, the wife walked out of the marriage and filed for a divorce. Pleas from different quarters fell on deaf ears. She stood her ground and the court granted her wishes. Hard hitting as that was on him, the church sacked him two weeks later because in their opinion, a divorcee should not pastor a church.

Hearing his tortured voice over the phone gave me a picture of a very broken man. A man the ground underneath had suddenly shifted. A man flailing widely trying to grasp and make meaning of his sudden misfortune. I listened as intently as I possibly could. Words do little to soothe the broken hearted. My silence was all he needed and I granted him that. Comfort would come later but the pain needed to be felt first. A heart in love and suddenly in loss is mostly inconsolable.

You can do everything right and still fail in marriage. Not because of something you did or didn't do but the emotions that govern the heart are fickle. Suddenly, the warm smile that welcomes you, becomes a scowl. Your voice they always looked forward to hearing, becomes an irritation. Your presence would rather be avoided. But maybe I'm being too dramatic.
I have come to realise that it is quite easy to fall in love and even easier to fall out of it. I mean..it is right there! What possible good can come out of falling? Humpty Dumpty surely had a thing or two to say about that.

To fall in love is to choose blindness. You aren't seeing the red flags (initially sha, if you aren't a hopeless romantic). It is mystifying how the same people, who walked down the altar, took vows, had people gathered in celebration, are now parties in divorce. What went wrong?

There is a whole body of documented knowledge on the reasons for divorce. But very little knowledge exists where no reason for divorce exists. Couples actually can grow apart. That's why there is a thing called 'no fault divorce'.
Again, I say this. You can do everything right, your partner can do same but you find yourselves growing apart. This is the fate of most marriages UNTIL the couples involved realise that love in marriage is a commandment more than it is a choice for the man and submission is a commandment more than it is an option for the woman.
I may be a bit of an ass yeah, but I have an irrevocable belief that marriage is a divine institution. You don't walk down that altar, take an oath before God and later take actions that violate that oath. So long as there is no threat to life, abandonment without cause, infidelity of any sort, why should couples even consider divorce if not for pride and ego?

Love doesn't keep a marriage. Conscientious DAILY decisions to CHOOSE your spouse does.