Is it possible that the reason some mature female are still single is because they lack the social skills to help them nurture relationships that could lead to marriages?they are so neck deep in Church,work,home,work,church that they miss it?
...And even when men approach them they are so full of criticism and have a long list of how much of a perfect man they want?
Is it true that it is not enough to pray for God to send a husband your way but that what matters is your attitude when you are approached?
Why are some ladies who are beautiful,successful and seem to have the world at their feet without the one thing they desire most.....a husband?
Are you in this category?do you think you are doing anything wrong?
Did you get married as a mature lady?can you share what helped you so as to help others?
There is a saying ''trust in God but tie your goat''.......is it applicable to say ''pray to God but do not miss your way reading the bible''?
Okay please read the reason i am asking all this.
''Dear Stella
Am an avid reader of your blog since my wife and older sister introduced me to it. Quite an educational blog. Keep it up
Am an avid reader of your blog since my wife and older sister introduced me to it. Quite an educational blog. Keep it up
Actually because of my elder sister I felt to suggest you treat as you usually do a topic for mature single sisters who are doing very well in their chosen career but lack social skills that help them into relationships that leads to marriage.
Talking from my observations of a close relative who also has admitted it. Her younger sisters are married but when living with her observed unhealthy non outgoing nature. Go to work, home....work, home, church.
It's good in a way. Even when such people get toasters, they are frigid/rigid. Criticism all the way.
Now some of what I have written, such persons confess it's out of place and would love changing their attitude but blame it on how they were raised.
I don't know how else to say it but bottom line is some of them who read this your blog are lost on how to step up their game and hook up that man for keeps and reading in your blog on tips, comments that relate with their character and how some came out of their shells and won may go a long way.
It's not all about praying for the man to find them but coupled with prayer, there are ways to live or relate that helps increase their chances of being found.
I don't know how you can do it and get people yapping (especially other super matured babes of late 30s n early 40s that caught their spouses) of their experiences or what they did to get their husbands..''
I can relate 2 this write up. It's so true! But no strength 2 type dis beautiful weds morning... so I await other comments!!! cheers y'all!!!
ReplyDeleteI think that a lot of women do not even know what they want in a guy or a marriage and sometimes not patient enough to find out when they meetings someone.
Delete1) According to one of Pst David Ogbueli's r/ship msgs,u have to be seen to be favoured. If Esther didn't allow herself to be seen,she may never had been a queen. Join groups in ur church like d choir n ushering dept, dress smartly n decently, join social networks. Be nice to people u meet u just dunno who may recommend u for some1.
Delete2) Stop being choosy,there's no perfect man anywhere. Mr Right exists only in fairytales. U just have to find d man whose imperfections are tolerable to u.
3) Pray that God leads u to ur own partner,don't allow material possession,background or social status hinder u when God pinpoints some brokeass dude as d bone of ur bone cos u got "class". And work on ur imperfections too_like Myles Munroe said in one of his r/ship msgs "If u knew u,would u marry u? U knw we ask people to do incredible things like loving us n all buh if d tables were turned n ur d man,would u marry a lady like u? With her bad manners,loud mouth et al.
Me I can relate o. I always meet really cool guys but I scrutinize them to d last fullstop. No be my fault. Cos if I bring a man home who doesnt fit into my dad's plenty religious criteria, I wont get his blessing. Hence i'll go back n begin from square one. My frnds r even complaining abt it that i'll remain single for a long time. Dont even know how to beat this situation. I'm just caught in a web that I cant seem to find my way out of. I'd rather chill n continue with status quo. Na only God go help me. Y'all shld advice me pls. Tnx.
DeleteI love this blog, I can relate wells. I for one is still searching for Mr. Purrfect.
DeleteThumbs up@Nayaka
Delete@anon 12:35,sad enuf if u follow ur dad ways',u will not get married o!my dad is like that too,he just condemns everything from d job,to religion,to personality,ethnicity, family, infact everything!he must just find one excuse and sit' on it.until he did it thrice to my elder sis we knew d guy' is not crious!btw he always says his daughters are beautiful and have a good background,so d best suitor will come but he forgets a woman's beauty fades with age!hhmmmm omo we had stand our ground on d next suitor (dats for my elder sis),and subsequently others,and it worked!so pls if truely ur dad is d problem,get that guy u truely love and are ready to settle with,insist on ur dad,it might take time but he will bulge,u could use ur mum too to talk to her husband,it will work....some of us do hav' dem!
DeleteSMS? Single Matured Sister? There are lots of ways to hook up the man of your choice...
ReplyDelete1. Go social. Honour invitations and mingle
2. Accept blokes the way they are. No critisms and talk down
3. Go on dating sites like eharmony
Good luck on your wait....
PS: Bad girls seem to hook up and marry the best guys; ask Kola Boof
U r right Pola! Bad guls marry best husband. My mum sister use to be a very bad gul tha everyone feared she could settle dwn. (i mean BAD. Every bad thing is associated with her! 4m smoking, weeding, lesbian, abortion, serial dating etc) Than like joke like joke she did. And trust me her hubby adores and worship her. She just put 2 bed few weeks back. Baby boy. And the 2 all my sisters in Christ, heaven help those tha help themselves. Praying 4 a man without socializing to meet one sometimes gets God angry. Man nogo fall 4m heaven nau. Shoo...and plz always dress and smell nice. i mean NICE!
DeleteBLOG ANALYSER: They say" heaven help those who help themselves" and "Faith without works is useless"while God works u have to put an effort to see result. God won't teach u d right social skills bt he can position u to use ur social skills to attract a man.
ReplyDeleteOk, i will wait for comment since i am not in that category .
ReplyDeleteIve always been the kinda girl who knows what she wants and goes for it.
DeleteWhen I was single,I approached men I was attracted to.
I asked for what I wanted and always got.
I was never shy saying it as it is until I met my hunny bunny.
I proposed marriage and he accepted n we got married immediately cos he was/is the best I ever had.
#notime for smehsmeh
This Mamie is a nut case ooooo! Buhahaaaaha. Crazy M-amie
DeleteMadam M-amie...u talk too much biko
DeleteNa wa for this Mamie, u sound really fake
DeleteThis gul can lie 4 Africa. Come i thought u said u married ur husband same day u met him in the other post. Grosss...plz stop lying and deceiving ur self. I can bet my 1yr salary u dnt ve a boyfrd. Talk less of husband. Or seen even seen an international airport. Let alone own a passport. *smh @ u. That's one thing with liars like u. They dnt remember their lies. Fake Bitch!!!!!
DeleteDis babe said she n her hubby nvr dated now u r teln us a diff story, lmao
DeleteHahahahahahahaaaaaa @Rose oooooh. You won't kee me with laugh.... Chimo!!!! *wipes tears*
DeleteIhekire Tony
ReplyDeleteNot for me
Madonna is 55 and her boyfriend is 22, Tina Turner is 75 and her boyfriend is 40, JLo is 42 and her boyfriend is 26, Mariah Carrie is 44, her husband, 32...Still Single??? Don't worry, your boyfriend hasn't even been born yet
DeleteIts not all ladies dat will become a MRS.*fact*#sipsMoetnChandon#
ReplyDeleteMatter of fact!
DeleteThis is gonna one hell of an educative post,let me grab my chair and learn,stella God bless you and also I pray God give our matured single sisters their husbands
ReplyDeleteI doubt if one has to really go out of her way to hook a man. I believe God has planned everyone's life and we get married at God's appointed time.
ReplyDeleteI didn't go out of my way to look for a husband. I was a bit of an anti- social while growing up. I never partied or went clubbing. I didn't even belong to any group in church. I hardly go out to visit friends, tho I always had many visitors.
As at the time I got married, marriage was the least thing on my mind. But all of a sudden, i started having many suitors here and there, my male casual friends started proposing to me. Almost every weekend people (both the ones I know and the ones I have never met,most of them were from my town) visit my dad both in his office and at home with their parents or relatives asking for my hand in marriage. That was when I know that my time for marriage has come.
Then,out of the blues, my boyfriend of almost 2 years proposed and I accepted. And within a space of 6 months we did our intro, trad and wedding.I was 23 then.
Lemme leave those who got married at an older age to give the poster the tips he wants. But I doubt if there are any formula to hook a man into marriage. I believe it just happens when your time for marriage comes.
1000 likes.
DeleteI will nd always say it, my hubby came when I least expected it. In fact I had given up when all d yeye London boys I was with were acting like drunks. Mshewwww. I joined my church choir, was working as usual nd went out with friends every weekend. Through it all I was waiting on God with prayer, fasting nd seed sowing. The day I sowed my seed in church, thats d day
Deletemy journey to marriage started. A woman that has never spoken to me in church suddenly offered me a lift home nd asked if I had a man. That was it o my people I got hooked to my man, his mum loved me at first sight I just knew that was my home, my family, God's gift to me in 2012. God truly makes all things beautiful in his time. Did I mention that d meeting, proposal, inttoduction, trad, registry nd white wedding took place within d space of 8months. Everything is time. My hubby was my 25th bitthday gift from God.
No formula for getting a man to marry u, except from being yourself, do not lick his ass, be firm with what nd what u do not want above pray fervently.
*All*
DeleteYes pls keep quite,we r talking about 40 yrs, not 23.Thanks
DeleteMany, not all, ladies who are still single at 40+ missed their husbands during their younger years. Some were too busy, or choosey or too suspicious, or were aiming too high,etc. By the time they realized that time was far spent, the sensible guys had married hence the saying that all the desirable men are married.
DeleteAwww kemmie nice one.im doin same nw praying nd sowing seed.ill be 26 in june praying God suprises me.
DeleteI never was one to believe in early marriage but niether did I think I will be single to this day.
ReplyDeleteMy main problem is that those attracted to me are usually some years younger, some up to 4 yrs younger.
I have prayed and left everything in the hands of God, if I marry fine, if I no marry fine. We females should learn to love our selves to matter our marital status. Bad as e bad I adopt a child when I hit my late 30thirties. For now at 31, I don't let it over worry me. I also thank God for a fabulous mum, she doesn't nag or worry me at all. Talks with me yes, but never nags.
Think I will stick to anonymous for today.
Hehehe I know you :p,thank God for your mum,you are 31 anytyn can still happen keep the faith alive
DeleteAbout the age difference,i have noticed overtime that human maturity is not in age dear,cos I have seen 40sometin year old's behave like kids,and 20yr old behave like a 50'!as long as d age gap isn't too wide and u are not looking like his momma,forget u senior him and hook up#
DeleteYou don't have to adopt a child when you're not barren. When you get to dat age dat u feel need a child, just look for a responsible man and get pregnant. Being a single mom isn't a crime. But I pray dat God will give u ur man speedily.
DeleteOmo shine ya eyes, one tin I notice with all dis mature church Lady is that, they are always waiting 4 God 2 speak 2 them, waiting 4 their pst approval b4 they marry! Uu r a commited worker ofcos d pst wil want u 2 remain in d church so his church wil go on well. Or they want to marry a born again brother they have be eyein in church , meanwhile d bros r going out of the church 2 marry. They have 2 reduce der standard again
ReplyDeleteIts not just their time, I believe in timing as my bible has taught me. The race doesn't belong to d swift or the fastest time nd chance happeneth to them all. Ecclesiastes 9: 11-12. After praying to God for a good man, believe it nd keep yourself occupied with other things your man will come at the appointed time. Romans 8: 25. Shalom
ReplyDelete1million likes!
DeleteGbam
DeleteThere s no formula to hook a man bt I believe ur theory of church work church nd work .women nid to losen up a bit on their social life.not necessarily clubbin cos u wont get a serious man there bt once in a while just dress up nd go out.accept simple courtesy smile nd dnt hv too long list of a dream man.i married at a young age sha nd wen I was least ready nd to b truthful my hubby dont have much of wat my list s made of bt he had one major criteria dat made me overlook d rest nd now I cn say I m lucky I accepted.Prayer matters too cos dat was wat led me to mine.
ReplyDeleteI have an aunt of over 40yrs now still single.ds woman practically cleaned my poo .I mean she was there wen I was born.her excuses?she wants sum1 dat has a house a car and works big time nd all suitors left.now she evn seeks to b a third wife bt none.i feel for her now cos she realized her mistakes nd she s so shy to relate wt us now.
Mrs kay
It's all about "packaging " my dear when it ready to get married enh and u sight d maga u want to marry just package ur self into his" ideal" wife material and manipulate d he'll out of him until he falls
ReplyDeleteliterally on his knee! Lol just kidding! On a serious note I truly think a woman has a season for marriage wen it's time suitors come from all over and wen Dat season passes dey stop coming. Most women let Dat season pass cos dey get too choosy and turn down d man God has sent to dem.
So true
DeleteYes packaging s d Word
DeleteSholamatty
100%likes..
DeleteI can so much relate with the write up, but I think not all women are meant to be Mrs. I think mine is from the way I was brought up, and somehow I can't seem to shake it off, my life have always been in triangle and I don't socialize, an introvert to a fault but hei all my colleagues effort to change me ve failed. I don't make friends, I just like keeping to myself.
ReplyDeleteErmm its not too good sha.. You need to loosen up a bit.
DeleteI think a matured lady (mid 30s - 40s, 50s) looking for a partner need to stay trendy. You need maintain your attractiveness. If you are over weight, you need to get back into shape. It may require making some simple lifestyle changes such ad eating less food, drinking lots if water, or in extreme cases, joining a gym. I say this because men are visual. A lady could have the best personality and character but if a man doesn't percieve them as attractive, they will never be approached.
ReplyDeleteA woman also needs to be approachable. In other words, when you walk into a place or see a man you like, a smile and a simple greeting is all you need to make to tell the man you are approachable.
Thirdly, it helps that you get out of the house as often as you can. The reason fir thus is that you can only meet someone outside if your home. Instead of rushing home immediately after work, try to go to an event, or even go shopping, to the movies if possible, or go visit friends or go to an eatery, where you can buy your food and eat it there. Always scan the place and see who is looking. If you notice someone you like, just show a smile to indicate you aknowledge their presence.
For succesful matured women, who are finding it difficult finding mates, all of the above applies to you. Moreover, join social clubs of your liking, join industry associations, where you will meet your peers. Try to be an active member of these groups so you can be noticed.
When you meet a man you like, try not to always judge them by how much they are worth at the time. You can size up their potential and determine if you can work with them. You might just be what they need (not financially) to get to where they are going. In other words, you might provide the encouragement they need.
Finally, never date a younger man. Nothing good will ever come of it. Also, never date a man you will have to support financially. You can make more money than a man but you do not have to support them.
Best comment
DeleteI just love this comment!
DeleteGood comment bur for the last paragraph. Are u tryin to say nothing good came out of peter&lola's relatnship? Or kaffy&pappy's relatnship? Etc.. I've neva dated a younger man but i disagree with dat paragraph biko..
DeleteI agree with Kandy posh, I don't agree to that last paragraph... Ve a 26yr old that is on my neck
Delete@JJ10,000 likes...... As for me, the fact still remains I can't date someone younger than me.
DeleteI WOULD SAY I GOT MARRIED KINDA LATE.31YEARS OLD...BUT THEN,IT WAS NOT A QUESTION OF MY SOCIAL LIFE,I LIVED LIFE TO THE FULLEST,WENT OUT ON DATES,ACCEPTED INVITES,WORKED HARD,PRAYED HARD...BUT THEN,KNOWING WHEN TO CALL A SPADE A SPADE I WHAT THE WOMEN LACK..GOING ON HARMLESS DATES,HAVING A GLASS OF WINE WHILE LISTENING TO A MAN CHAT AWAY IN A NICE RESTAURANT ISNT A SIN.YOUR INTENTIONS TOWARDS ANY MAN THAT COMES YOUR WAY SHD BE CLEAR FROM THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET HIM.
ReplyDeleteTHE FIRST TIME I SPOKE TO MY HUSBAND,I JUST KNEW THAT HE WAS THE ONE,I DIDNT NEED ANY SOOTHSAYER OR PASTOR.............SO LADIES,DIG INTO YOUR SUBCONSCIOUS,LISTEN TO HOW YOU FEEL DEEP INSIDE AND NOT WHAT THE PASTOR SAYS.THAT IS A SURE GUIDE.
This topic relate with my Coz!...(she will be in her late 30s now or early 40s)..put church 4 head,leader in all d activities in church & still a virgin!...recently i practically bought hair relaxer to do her hair myself.d funny thing is that she well educated up to masters .....some times we do tell to go join catholic Nun,because she is a strong catholic,....God please answer our prayer Oooo....for husband for her!...hmmmm ...
ReplyDeletewhats all this stupid rubbish about when a girl is yet to marry or meet mr right then she must be doing something wrong? what happened to its just not yet time? must you like everyman who ask for a relationship? its the same bullshit people go on about with any man who has an affair then its the woman,s fault.....men are the ones meant to look for a wife so they should be thought what it means to marry and take care of wives.....am tired of this whole rubbish drama about everything meant for relationships or marriage has to be the woman's burden.....this is the reason why a lot of men do not know jack about how to take care of their wives or be proper husbands as God wants......Men love your wives as christ loves the church....single ladies if its not time its not time dont let stupid post like these make you feel like you must be doing something wrong.....
ReplyDeleteTake it easy ma'am. Life is not that serious...Jeeez!!!
Deletepatt you are really totally foolish......its your type who end up marrying all kinds of characters in the name of i must to marry.......what standards are you talking about? there is no law that says your husband must be from your local assembly and when it comes to feeling if u don't like somebody u don't like them....its lame to think that cos you have 1 story then all the others are the same......stop stop stop generalizing already, its so annoying.....and pls how many churches have u done this your survey for? mtscheeeeeeeeeewwww
ReplyDeleteHahahahaaaaa sdkers... Lool.
DeleteHmmmmmmmm..... I go with the poster 85%...but Before then, there is nothing that happen beneath the earth God doesn't know about.. As much as we all know that heaven helps those who help themselves we would not still wanna advice our beloved mature darling sisters to become known in all clubs, social networks et al all in the name of mixing up to get the right husby.... God is a Master planner, live ur life and get praying, the day urs will come/you will meet him will be above human comprehension.. So, let's all sit up and do it all right.. I wish us all Goodluck and please don't forget to share ur testimony immediately it clicks after reading and adhering to our today's educative post #Thankyou
ReplyDelete@i_ChoPtas_Not
Where in your Bible is this your quote from? "heaven helps those who help themselves". Pls dnt read the Bible upside down.
DeleteOmo, the person wey mention eharmony, that site is full of perverts, so you better be careful. Instead of eharmony, I tried events and adventures and singles get to hang out and do a lot of activities together (kayaking, rock climbing, etc), and if you get talking from there that's fine. But the main aim is not for dating and hooking up (eharmony and match, ewww creepy)
ReplyDeleteOne thing I know is instead of always waiting for guys to start a conversation, you can start one (you appear outgoing and friendly that way).
Mbok where's your location let me join you in the kayaking, rock climbing etc...
Deletelol....its so annoying to hear stupid comments like this..."what they did to get their husbands" what do you think men are? you do not need to do anything mr poster.....men are the ones who find and its so sad and irritating that society has heaped the burden of finding and maintaining relationship and marriages on the women......while the men sit on the lazy arses beating them, commititng adultery and even now leaving the breadwinner role to the woman.....for your information i got married at 35 and still counting 9 years later...and i did not do jack to marry any man......my hubby and i were friends and we dated for 2 years.....i did not slave for him by washing, cooking or free sex like what girls of these days think you need to give a man to marry you.....no, women do not need to do anything, if u like your selves you like yourselves...all you need to do is just be yourself, do not i repeat lower your standard cos society expects you to marry at a certain stage....its foolish to think standards will always mean material things....know what u like and dont let anyone make u feel stupid cos when u enter the house u wont be able to cope....lastly a man is the one who finds a wife. it is not your job to start scheming to be found...
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a broken record. Get a life pls.
DeleteYou are so right. People expect a doctor to marry a gateman at some point because they think time is running out fast in grown women. God dey.
DeleteSmart comment. That is why abuse is on the rise because the society has made women believe that marriage is the reason for their existence. I bet women r now hunters tracking down men for marriage.
DeleteI love ur comment.ladies u nid not 2 do anytin 2 get a husbnd.my bible says "he that finds a wife,finds gud tin". Ladies u are a gud tin 2 ur husbnd,u don't nid 2 be plastic 2 get him.its trash 4 d society 2 heap d marriage burden on a woman that's why the men turn abusive 2 their wives & adulterers.We are GOOD tins to the men like the bible has said it all,we nid no desperate move 2 get a man,a man must seek 4 us. And 4 reminders,no bible portion ever says "heaven helps those that help themselves"!
DeleteStella dis post is close to heart 4 me as it applies 2 my situation. 35. No husband or suitor. It s quite painful when people say dat u are single cos u are being chosey cos it s not true 4 some of us cos there s no option @ all sef
ReplyDeletei can totally relate with anonymous 11.34, there is time for suitors in every girls life. They come every day , every week but its always a time when the girl in question is not ready to get married. Ask every single mature girl, they will tell u they all had their time but fell to do any thing with it because they believe they are too young or not ready for marriage. Young girls be warned, dont miss out on your own time because when they stop coming it will only take the grace of God for you to meet a man.
ReplyDeleteMmmmm, I can very much relate to this post, in my late 30's.
ReplyDeleteWhen I was in my mid 20s I had so many suitors but I think I settled for the wrong guy, lost my virginity to him at 27 but things didn't work out and we broke up.
Over the years friends , family , colleagues try matching me up with guys ...
My main interest these days is just church, work and positively affecting lives.
I know everyone around me means well when they bring up the marriage issue.
But I always let them know the husband will come in God's time.
The truth is, no matter how many invites you honour, how many dates you go on and all the list mentioned above...If it's not ur time, you can't force it. Whatever you do, don't try to loose yourself in your pursuit to be called mrs somebody, cos in the end, you are all you have. Be you and do you, whoever will like u will like you for who who are, and when it's ur time, it will happen even if u live in a rat hole. Never settle cos you might end up getting less than what you settled for en in d end you'll end up resenting yourself.
ReplyDeleteno such thing e jor...heaven help those who help themselves. where in the Bible did you find that quote?
ReplyDeleteI wanted to ask that same question
DeleteI am a testament to the saying that you will meet your own man at the right time.
ReplyDeleteMy husband is 40 and I am going on 36. Never been married and no kids before we got married less than 2 years ago.
Advice is to just be yourself and don't change who you are. Don't believe in all those crap about spending your spare time in church all in the name of hooking the right man.
Met my husband on a course and took us another 3 or so years to realise we fancy ourselves. Don't get me wrong, I had people willing to marry me but they just weren't what I would settle for. A friend once asked me if my husband is tall and very handsome when she found out I was getting married. She got it wrong because that was not my main criteria.......Another friend said not socialising enough would mean ending up alone. I guess he got that wrong too......long and short, with time and being myself, I met one of the most handsome and kindest man in the world - my husband
Good luck to the sisters looking to meet their own man someday
Hello Stella,
ReplyDeleteThis is an unmarried young lady who is quite inquisitive about some things in relationships/marriages and is interested in hearing views of married ladies or ladies who have married friends or relatives and knows whats up in their marriages. Please I would appreciate it if you could help me ask your bloggers on their views on these questions.
The first question:
There is always this saying that what one sees or experiences while dating or in a relationship is just a synopsis of what they would encounter in their marriage with the same guy.
Please I would like to ask if this rule or saying applies to every lady married now. Take for example, a young single married girl from a wealthy home(lives in Nigeria) who is in a serious relationship with a loving,caring,hardworking,independent ,family oriented,quiet and easy going guy who is hustling to make ends meet because he is sponsoring himself abroad. And then you notice as a generous family oriented guy he goes all out to spend a lot on his mother and younger siblings(when he cam send gifts home eg Christmas/easter) and spends quite little when compared to how much he spends on you. When it comes to him spending on your bday or vals day, he says pls be patient that would the girl rather have gifts or her engagement ring(which he said he would come down to engage her this 2014 and has informed his family about) and a happy marriage ever after(because he keeps saying she would be the one complaining about he spends so much on her and their kids in the future). From the way he treats his mother,aunties and sisters the girl can tell he is someone that respects women and knows how to spoil women in his family.Does this mean that in marriage this person would be the kind that would spend only his family,kids and not on his wife irrespective of whatever he promises.
Another similar example is to married ladies who overlooked physical or verbal abuse from their men before they got married to them (after the man must have apologized several times sha)? Is it in every case that the man after marriage gets worse or he even changes for the better. Another is cheatings, etc sha.
Secondly, Please how do women or ladies deal with men who have trust issues because this gives a whole lot of headache.Are there cases when trust issues are resolved?or did they walk out of the relationship because they saw no light at the end of the tunnel.
Thirdly,is it possible for a woman who has only dated one guy wholeheartedly for a long period of time who was her first and last bobo to do *mrgh mrgh* decide to stay single forever because she cant see herself with another man,she cant stand the stigma that comes with not been a virgin on her wedding night and if so what are the possible reasons?
Fourthly, when women say marriage isn't easy please could they elaborate.Please asides from cases of cheatings,oppression,physical abuse please what more or what are the things that makes marriage not and easy task.
These are all questions from experiences in relationships around me and I just felt it could be topics that could help other single ladies out there because I am afraid of the thing called marriage.
I can only advise you on question 1. He may not send you in marriage o, any man whose family is more important that his wife to be is tied to his family's apron strings and his wife will have issues dealing with his family because they will always see her as an intruder and keep competing for their son's love with her. Men who treat their mum and sisters as their lovers end up causing more trouble for themselves when married. Let him know your fears, this is not about being jealous of their relationship but clearing things up. Good luck.
Delete@Zeee: flawless reply, I couldn't have said it any better.... chaaiiiiiii, dis is exactly what I Am facing with my man now and my marriage is on the verge of breaking cos I can't take it no more.
DeleteWhen we were dating I saw the signs but I ignored thinking he would improve once I become his wife. It is only after his parents and siblings get tins I can get. It is only what his mother approves of he does. I practically have no say in my home. My man is close to 40years. It became so bad dat I lived in lack and wants, while his people all live in plenty. It's really really sad.
Nothing breaks a woman than to know you are a 3rd class citizen in your home and that your in-laws runs your home through your man.
Madam these ur questions plenty o,u for beg Aunty Stella to put am up as post,
DeleteWell what I know from experience of marriage and I always tell my younger sis and cousins is dat,whatever attitude u see in a man before u tie d knot will only only get worse!no amount of love or sex can change a man or anybody!,well maybe prayer can make things better.so pls any negative attitude u see and u feel u can't cope with it,leave d guy asap!
Also unto d guy dat rather spends on others than his gal,hmmm dats a red light!cos for all I know love is giving no matter how wealthy the loved' one is!so pls be careful with such a guy,hope he too isn't seeing u as a goldmine!
Yes marriage isn't easy walahi,cos u have to cope with someone coming from a different background and orientation,thus having a different perspective to things.,but d wisdom to come to a meeting point amicable is what makes it easier.#i don tire to write joor##best of luck babes#
A lot of ladies are insatiable. They are waiting for men with big houses and cars. When I married my hubby, I had a lot more than him but I knew that was just then and nobody knows what the future holds.
ReplyDeleteFast forward a few years, I lost my job in d bank and he is the one with the cash now. Though its not been easy but we r coping fine.
Did I tell you I single handedly built where we are living now before I lost d job, for dis reason alone, the respect his family gives me no be small thing.
Women should learn to be satisfied and stop doing longer throat. Thx.
Well, what worked for me was I found love when I had given up and wasn't searching sef. I had a list and if u didn't fit in, no need wasting time o..I never really prayed to God, don't know why....cos each time I wanted to pray about it, I would be like abeg make I pray for better job or good grades in school... i am very result driven.
ReplyDeleteMy advice for matured singles is to attend seminars and workshops organised by ur office or the ones that help build your cv, don't limit urself to Nigerian men. Love can find u anywhere..
From ur first question; one cud suggest that d guy is d first born who has alot of pple relying on him for survival, now spending on his family ATM dosnt mean wen he eventually settles down, he won't do for his wife&kids,
ReplyDeletePositively, one cud say ds xprnc will help him to b v.responsible but that cud also mean he might v to keep doing" for his family even yl he's married bcos dey won't stop being his baggage.
Meanwhile, d lady involved in such a rltnship shd know that she can't b jobless, 2) will she b willing to support him wen family needs arises in future n not condemn him for helping his family. Pls note that its not easy to be married to a first born especially one with dependent younger ones...so unless u truly luv him&his FAM..pls think twice.
As per if d "bad habits" will cont...in most cases, it does. Wen u c signs of things u can't bear getting very often...kindly flee.
Secondly, about trust issues" a rltnshp with trust issues is a No No for me. Reason is such rltnshps causes tumuch headaches for one life time. More cases of insecurity, wrong accusations, etc are all causes of trust issues n its usually very problematic n may somtyms leads to physical n emotional.abuse.
About virginity stigma, trust me there's no such thing. This generation is at a crossroad where guys don't even bother to ask...bcos majority no longer c a big deal in having sex b4 marriage, although that doesn't mean d person in question shd jump at sex b4marriage, she can decide to stay celibate even as she remains open to love..so don't give up on love cos of such an issue as trivial as DAT.
Moving along, wen women say marriage isn't easy...is life itself easy? Nobody said it was easy, they just said it was worth it. DO NOT b scared of marriage, bcos its been bad for a lot oof pple doesn't mean it will b bad for u...my advice wud be marry someone u can call "friend" ie sm1 u can communicate with without hold-backs. Bcos marriage is a long term affair, so u don't want to enter into it with sm1 u can't talk to in ur most comfy way.
#my50cent. Hope these answers help.
#blackbarbie
Wow thnk you
DeleteWhaooooo, God bless you for the first part.
DeleteAm one of the most considerate and most patient lady alive. Shockingly I can no longer contain my hubby neglecting me and his kid in wants just to focus on his relatives constant needs.
So bad that he can't say No to anything they demand but would always refute me and give excuses while he can't do things for me even when he can afford it.
It's a veryyyyyyyyyyy crazy experience to be involved with a man that can't balance things with his relatives and wife.
Am broken!!!! Don't wanna go into details and the financial aspect don't even pain me as much as other major aspects. Really sad
To d singles it will happen in God's time but like some blog visitors had said,u must also socialize and have good attitude and character together with d word of God.u must be committed in God's work and allow God do his work!#Godstimeisdbest#Ogechukwukanma!#
ReplyDeleteSo does this mean you are lost until a man "finds" you? because no only what is lost can be found...Lord give me the strength to endure this patriarchal bullshit societies.
ReplyDeleteWomen take a beating in this life. Every second they are bombarded by something else. Singleness, childlessness, divorce stigma, aging, gaining weight, being unattractive. If every woman of marriageable age were to be happily married tomorrow there still would be something to be found that is flawed and need to be fixed on a woman.
A woman must be happy and completely in love with herself fist. Stop letting society's labels stick on you and tell you how you should be and feel at whatever age. Create your own bliss, develop your talents and reach for the unknown heights. Fuck all the do this do that, look this way look that way bullshit that is being forced down our throats every damn day. We are not defined by marriage, our fertility status, our level of beauty, or our weights. We are women, it is men who need wives and it is them who should be twisting themselves into pretzels to get us, not the other way around. Be the fabbest and baddest you can be and fuck the bullshit once and for all.
Aunty anon: yimu! I like how you console yourself! WA wa alright!
DeleteAunty Stella, this 419 people have come here o. Stop posting their comments, make they no use ur blog defraud people. Spell my foot, in this era of cloud technology? Lmfao
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ReplyDelete“I have met matins five (5) months ago and I felt since the very first moment this
is the love of my life. The first month he was indifferent to the situation even I
felt he was behind all women except me. I asked myself: Does he know that I exist?
I was feeling terrible about this because deep in my mind I knew he was the right
person for me. My friend, Julia told me: There is this africa aduga he can help
me. I was skeptical at the beginning to be honest because I never believe in these
types of things. I decided to contact aduga and he was very sweet, and he knew also
that matins was meant to be my soul mate. he sent me a Love Spell that worked in
3days he invited me to dinner, then to the disco, then to the theater…..now he is
just mine!! Thank you so much!!! this is the email of the spell caster
adugasolutiontemple@hotmail.com
And what happens when the spell doesn't fades? Lmao. U berra run to God.
DeleteHmmmm..... This topic is particularly interesting for me. Please read, though long and advise. I'm in my mid 30s', I do not socialise much as I am shy and reserved. In truth, I always meet guys bt they always come up with one tale after the other after we must have dated for a while with no problems. The ill luck I have as I have observed is that when I'm single, no man will look my way, bt the instant I start a relationship, exes start calling, other guys start noticing me nd it may put my present man on the spot and when the present one goes, they all just vanish! I never used to pray or be bothered about it cos I was too caught up in work and never really noticed. I recently resigned and that's when I observed all of this. The men still come for I am very good looking, extremely trim and do not look my age. To make it worse, these days these offers are from guys who are single bt have a child somewhere, men who are married bt tell me they want to leave their marriage nd want me, or guys younger than me! Lately I was out of the country on vacation for a while, over the phone I got proposed to from 3 guys in the space of a week! 2 of the guys were older bt I observed one stopped being consistent just after I agreed and i- not being desperate chilled on his case also. U see I don't believe in chasing guys. The second older one I found out was with another woman that night on a trip he went to and this really hurt cos he proposed to me that morning! The third guy who is 6 years younger I did not consider due to age. I'm just at a loss of what to do. Lately I met with a pastor for prayers but on seeing me all he also wanted was a relationship and that put me off. Iv always believed it will happen @ d right time by Gods grace bt these days I can't help but wonder. I have an ex I lost of late and I really loved him. We broke up for no particular reason and when we spoke lately he said he was too comfy in the relationship and got scared and that for all the times we had issues, he caused the ripple just to roughen my feathers bt that he loved me. I on my part left him cos he always wanted phone sex and I felt it odd. We dated for over a year and though he had a comfortable house we were there as a couple just thrice as he will rather we sleep at hotels or have sex in his car or even the beach of which I never agreed to as I saw it as not being normal. With all iv said, fellow readers, please advise me. Overlook typo errors nd please no insults. Did I mention that lately I realised I have a fibroid and that has gotten me now desperate? Especially being that I have no job? Then yea I ve a suitor with a sweet porposal of marriage now bt alas... He is jobless! And though I don't and have never considered finance as a criteria for settling down, I never wanted him to be a total broke arse too! What do I do?
ReplyDeleteGod is your strength o. Wow, you seem to have more issues than a magazine stand. Where is your mum? Have you told her? You need to pray and fast dear. Something isn't just right! God bless you
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Oh dear, I think you need to heal first. See a doctor about your fibroid and then get treated. I'm also sorry you don't have a job but are there other things you can try ur hands on like fish farming etc...As for the men issues, pls relax. God has written every one's life differently, I like the fact that ure vacationing. Don't you trust God, write a list if what you want in a man and do not date anyone that doesn't almost fit that list and keep praying over it. Sometimes love finds us when we least expect it. For pastors, be very careful with who u go to as a man of God o, I will advise you don't go to any anymore so u don't having affairs with them and complicate your life abeg. Even unbelievers marry, how much more you. Open up more to your mom more, she can be ur support system and help you pull through. The jobless man, how ambitious is he? Can you both start a business together? Do some investigations about him first, hope he isn't a gold digger or doesn't have any baby mamma issue, please take time to investigate properly. Wish you the best!
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