Saturday In House Gists...

I hope you laugh or learn something from these gists....Well i laughed and learnt and i am hoping you would vote today or tomorrow.......

GIST 1

THE SLEEPER

Hello Stella and fellow sdk fanatics.

 I just remembered how silly I used to be in my early teens….i can sleep for Africa ehn. My mum used to say I sleep like a dead person sotay dose days we children would sleep off while watching tv in the parlor and my dad would not bother waking me up, he will just lift me and I wont shake at all. God con butter my bread as I was placed in the craziest boarding school ever…Mode college Kankon.

One night prep like that I placed my head on my desk and slept, normally if dem prefects or teachers catch you sleeping you are in soup. But dat day they were all togeda gisting about an incident dat occurred earlier in the day.

Night prep was over and my friends in class woke me up, for wia I no gree answer…dey called me until everyone was chased to go to the hostel and trust me you wouldn’t want to be the last person entering the gate. Dey left and I was busy enjoying my sleep…at dis point no oda explanation can I give dat woke me up cos till dis day I know it was the holy spirit dat woke me .

As I open my eyes, saw class was empty and we no get windows for my class o plus trees and bush full everywhere and I sabi fear die, con see race.. the sleep disappear by force when I know say spirits full for school. I tear the race oo, cry join am becos I dey tink wetin I go do if dem don lock hostel gate. Fortunately my hose prefect dey lock am as I reach. Shame wan finish me for school the next morning.

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GIST 2

THE SURPRISE VISIT

There's a woman who stays close to my boyfriend's house, whenever I go to see him,she always greets me because her shop is opposite the gate of his compound.

 From greetings like "good morning ma" and "Aunty welcome".we got quite close and even exchanged contacts.

 She calls to say hi once in a while and I call to check on she and her children sometimes too.

 So I traveled to go and see my aunt who just put to bed.

 I had just spent 2 weeks and some days with my aunt,when I got a call from the woman and the following conversation started:

Woman:Aunty good afternoon,long time.why you no dey come bros place again nah??

Me:I travel oo but I go soon come back.

Woman: OK,abeg do come back oo.because the kind of girls wey dey enter their bros compound this days,I no understand them oo.do come back before them collect bros from you oo.no tell am say nah me tell you oo,make he no come dey vex with me oo.

Me:No worry I go come surprisingly,so that I go catch am red handed with the girl before I know wetin I go do..

 So I asked her to call me whenever any of the girls were around.

 One day she called me that a girl just entered the compound to see my boyfriend,and then I left my aunt's place which is a 20 minutes drive to my boyfriend's place.

 I got to his place and immediately I opened the gate,I just saw a monkey from no where jumping and coming towards me.

 I just kept on walking to my boyfriend's room,thinking that if I ignore the monkey it won't come close to me.

 Suddenly the monkey started jumping on my body and trying to grab my bag.I was trying to scare it away by flinging my bag towards it.

 I kept on struggling with the monkey quietly so that my boyfriend and people in the compound won't know.

The monkey was jumping on my body and opening it's teeth(smiling) at me,I was just there struggling to scare it away.

 When the issue became so serious for me to handle, I threw my bag at the monkey and ran to my boyfriend's door and started banging the door, shouting "open the door oo".

 When he came out,he was so shocked and confused to see me,he asked me what happened?I just told him to help me get my bag from the evil monkey.

 He went to get the bag but the monkey has already scattered every thing inside,broke my makeup and even tore my clothes and pants inside.

 I just told him I wanted to pay him a surprise visit but I didn't know they had a monkey in the compound,because I was so ashamed to say why I came.the worst part was that I didn't even meet any girl there.

 He said the monkey is his neighbor's own and that it is very worrisome.

 When I was going out later to go and warn the woman,I saw the monkey tied to the owner's burglary proof,opening it's teeth and smiling at me,I just eyed the monkey and told it "waka" before I passed.

 I went to warn the woman that even if it is the 700 wives of Solomon or his 300 concubines that came to see my boyfriend,she should not tell me again..Lol

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GIST 3

TEMI WALK ON WATER

Hey guys,back in high  school I went to boarding house and it is an experience I would do over again. Although there were the good time and bad times. 

Anyways, we always have this school trip and would travel to different places and this time we went to obudu cattle ranch in  calabar. There was this girl, lets call her Temi ,she just came back from Canada and she was now  using phonetic English for everyone in school sha but as per we sef they travel we didn't mind.

 So before we left for obudu, she was forming like she can swim and all, making mouth. We all sha didn't talk. A night before we went, they accused her of doing something, so she was trying to prove her innocent she Na said that " why would you say I done what I don't do. It's not fair I didn't didn't it" we sha all had a good laugh before the trip. 

So when we got to obudu, they have this Olympic size swimming pool. All of us that didn't know how to swim we stayed by the edge of the pool while the other swam freely. We now noticed that Temi was with us, we now told her to go an swim as per she has made mouth. She now said ok. Na so our aunty walk from where we were to the other side. We asked her what she was doing, she said she was warming up. We now told her to swim back Na so aunty Temi began they walk inside water they flap her arms. 

We told her every one can do dat. She now said that they taught her to swim, everyone started laughing including the lifeguard . Ever since then we name her "Temi walk in water"

Hope that made you guys laugh.

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GIST 4

Bleaching Gone Sour

I wrote this story as part of an article somewhere. In case you come across this story, it was written by me. Anyways, the gist in the matter had to do with a former room mate in, UNN. I'll call her Ceekay, a very beautiful dark skinned girl. 

When we were in third year, she came back from base in Lagos with a bleaching cream. Her aim was to be very fair. When I tried discouraging her, she plainly told me that thank God she could buy my colour in the market. After all the preaching, she went ahead with the cream and soap. And she was actually turning white, so I think hers was a fast acting concoction.

When that semester was over, we all went home for the holidays. When we came back she was black again. We wondered why, and naturally, we asked. She regaled us with her story.

She told us that when she got to her house in Lagos, her father was outside the house. She paid the bike man, and when the man wanted to help her take her bag inside, her father chased both of them away. The bike man was wondering whether she came to the right house address. When she asked Daddy why, he didn’t even look at her. He just told the bike man that if he knows where he brought her from, he should take her back. That she is not his daughter. The daughter that left for school was black. Her daddy turned and told her that if she knows she is still a member of the family, she knows what to do.

Her dad was adamant, despite the begging and pleading from neighbours. She ended up spending the holidays with her elder brother, and of course using vaseline to get back to her natural colour. She left us rolling on the floor in laughter. Oh, how I miss those fun filled days.

On a personal note, I think no matter your colour, if you treat it nice, use a sunscreen, you’ll look amazing.

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GIST 5

GENERATOR PALAVER

‎Hi Stella and hello to fellow BVN

 ‎  For my area,law dey say make nobody put generator for decking.say make everybody gen dey downstairs.

And we get one bad ass neighbour wey dey claim say he be master of all engineer.I no know where dis my neighbour get the generator from,the sound from dat gen is like those machines used to grind yam flour. 

M‎y people you can imagine the noise. And our house is such dat the doors face each other. Na so neighbour carry gen come upstairs,put am for door,dey on the gen for night,day 1,day 2,day 3... we couldnt sleep cos the noise was enough to cause heart attack. Na so we decide on how to put a stop to it. 

Okay now...... 

Dis was what we did to stop it. If neighbour on the gen,we will quietly open our door, and close the fuel switch. After sometime the gen will stop. Na so engineer go open door,check check wetin do the gen,de sweat self dey examine the gen .go put on the gen again, na so we go quietly open door and off the fuel,after sometime,the gen will go off. He will come out and check.Na so we both did till daybreak. Afterall pikin wey say I'm mama no go sleep,him self no go catch sleep too. Gist never end here ooooo,imagine ......

Before I continue make una vote nau,abi una no want make anyone chop money ni. Abeg gist don end jor.

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