Stella Dimoko Korkus.com: Saturday In House Gists....

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Saturday, 14 January 2017

Saturday In House Gists....

Jokes or Gists will be  critically looked at so please identify which one is a gist and which one is a copied Joke or copied gist.



The winning price will be cash but i have not decided on how much yet,It would depend on a lot of things.....Lol #SDKusef...

Anyone who also feels the need to reward any of the participants is free to do so as support..LOL

Let's go!


211 comments:

  1. An accident occurred today. 11 persons were injured and 12 died.
    So the Minister of Health promised to offer N5,000 to the injured and N6million to the dead for their funeral.
    All of the sudden, one of the injured got up and moved towards where the dead people were.
    Immediately, one of the dead people whispered to him: “Bros, go back to your place; do not bring confusion here, they have counted us already!” #copied #oldbutfunny

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Old. Not funny

      Delete
    2. I am tired of reading same thing every week

      Delete

  2. Read something on Facebook today that reminds me of a lie I told my mum several years ago. A friend of mine organised a party, then I was awaiting my waec results, and my mum was so strict that you can get her permission to go to parties, I always go to the shop to help mum, on that fateful day, I went to shop as usual, I've already packed my party cloth in a bag, at around 5 pm ‎,i went to my neighbor at the shop to please watch the shop for me that a customer asked me to help her carry the things she bought to the car, I used my neighbor as an alibi, as a bad girl tha I is. I carried my party cloth and left the shop, I pointed to one woman going on her own jeje afar as my customer. That was how I left my mama shop to attend party, my mum came and asked after me, n my neighbor told her I followed a customer to drop the things she bought.i was enjoying party while my mother was dead worried, they went to police station, they were told to wait for 24 hrs before they can do anything. I went back home after the party, that was the next day, and told my mum how my customer kidnapped me, and how God use one man to rescue me, the following day my mum gave testimony in church about how God saves me from kidnappers, come and see how ppl were congratulating me,even pastor talk say he don see the vision and he prayed,that it was his prayer that saves me hmmm bobbo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lol.. Mad girlπŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€

      Delete
    2. Lols...fake pastor ooo

      Delete
    3. Wow, nice story abeg jor, see d winner already if u know win let mi bath naked wit soap, beloved take note

      Delete
    4. Hahaha,very funny.
      Sure you mustv been yimu'ing for the pastor

      Delete
    5. So you are now calling your pastor fake man of God indirectly just because of 30k or 2k airtime. You are Judas of our time.

      Delete
    6. Um rolling on the bed,you be bad geh.

      Delete
    7. I owe u something if u don't win

      Delete
    8. Lol. Nice joke

      Delete
    9. LMAO!! You were.smart bad girl, lol.
      Even your pastor, claiming to have seen it.

      Delete
    10. #original#,true life story, it happens to meeee

      Delete
    11. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ treasures better hope they never kidnap u tru tru o.

      Delete
    12. Liar...copied from FIN.

      Delete
    13. Anon 18:47, this gust is totally different from the one on fin abeg

      Delete
    14. @anon, I didn't copy this from fin, this gist happens to me.check the one on fin and mine, it's totally different

      Delete
    15. Sigh... FIN gist. She even said she read it ib facebook.

      Delete
    16. Haaaaa you be bad pikin o, I can't imagine the guilt when then testimony is been shared in church.

      Delete
  3. Rules and regulations are as follows

    *Anonymous gist and black colour id gist is invalid for wins
    Bv Tiwa take note

    *Each person is only entitled to one gist, multiple entry get you
    disqualified for any win

    *You must state the source of a gist ie either #copied or #original

    *The reactions on your gist also boost your chances of winning ie the number of lol/lmao/hahahaha etc

    *Anonymous /PLASTIC( ie those id that is black in colour) votes don't count ... only votes with blog id (blue colour ) is valid

    P.S : FOR your gist to WIN it must be ORIGINAL
    Bv Elastic take note

    Miss Aboki you are now balling na ..congrats again
    Gorreti bae how far you ... How is our tiler ?

    Alright kisses to you all ...
    Turn up originality
    The winning prize is not moi moi

    One love
    ♡ ♥ ♡

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But just said that we should start the source of our Gist.

      Why is that only original will win.

      To do expo no easy ooo.
      Anybody wey do expo pass exam sabi book ooo

      Delete
    2. Y are you d one giving regulation as stellas secretary that yu is' abeg shift

      Delete
    3. First you must state the source, then it must be original. I'm not understanding oh

      Delete
    4. Hahhahahahaha so how will my id change to Blue now?

      Delete
    5. anonymous gangster14 January 2017 at 21:46

      Go fuck yourself beloved! Or no, sorry I didn't mean that, come lemme do it for you!
      #original

      Delete
  4. In my first year in school, I had this friend that likes 'shakara' n could be rude when she feels like it. she came over to my hostel for the first time, I had persuaded her to spend the weekend. I and my hostel-mate went to the junction to meet her, at first glance she ignored the guy, even after I had done the introduction. I was trying to make a polite conversation that we could indulge in but she made sure to shun him. The guy noticed n felt bad, i had to apologise on her behalf. When we got to the hostel after having dinner I suggested we go see a movie in his room, she was so reluctant; she made sure to avoid him throughout, when I asked her why she was acting that way, 'her reply was, she dislike flirts n he looks like one. The following day I had my bath n told her to go do same. she removed all was on her till she was stark naked n started giving some hot dance moves to 'sexual healing', a song blasting from my neighbor's room.
    Suddenly! The guy barged in impromptu(he knocked but we didn't hear him) 2 ask for grinded pepper, my friend was too shocked to cover up, the guy stood unmoved, perusing his eyes all over her without any feel of guilt, till he got what he came for n left..
    I couldn't help but laugh hard.....
    she was hot with rage, dressed up without bathing n left my hostel fuming. she never came visiting again till I moved to another hostel.

    #original#

    ReplyDelete
  5. GIRL: i have sinned; i called my boyfriend a bastard.
    PASTOR: So wat did he do to deserve dat?
    GIRL: He kissed me.
    PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor kissed the girl.
    GIRL: Yes!
    PASTOR: Well, dats no reason to call him a bastard.
    GIRL: But he touched my breast.
    PASTOR: U mean like this? The pastor touched her breast.
    GIRL: Yes!
    PASTOR: Thats no reason to call him a bastard.
    GIRL: But, he took off my clothes and had sex with me!
    PASTOR: You mean like this? The pastor took off her clothes and had sex with the girl.
    GIRL: Yes
    PASTOR: Well, thats also no reason to call him a bastard.
    GIRL: Then he told me he has AIDS.
    PASTOR: U are a BASTAAAARD!!
    #COPIED

    ReplyDelete
  6. I used #100 to play 12 games ..the potential winnings no be here o.
    Tottenham don start ...others to follow.
    My heart has been doing gbim ! gbim !

    Who even send me ?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Only #100 and you are checking like jelly.

      I put #10,000 that Arsenal will win Barcelona.
      I strongly believe that God is still a miracle worker

      Delete
    2. Trust me, it's far better than mogbe, mokun, modaran.

      Delete
    3. 10000 ! You can lie o
      Besides it is Swansea and arsenal that is playing today abeg

      Delete
    4. @beloved how do they play the game. I want to be a risk taker this year. I too soft for heart.

      Delete
    5. Beloved are you male or female? I always assumed you were a girl.

      Delete
  7. Replies
    1. Not much of a story teller, make I try
      It happened when I was in SS1. Our physis teacher was in class.
      I had d urge to pass out flatus. But I refused to take excuse and go outside thinking that if I got up,I can release accidentally. I decided to release it in class, very gently so it will be a silent mess.
      Fortunately for me, it was silent,
      Unfortunately for me, the smell nor be here.
      But as luck would have it, I was sittin at d back.the mess slowly diffused to the physis teacher, who was at d front. D moment he percieved d glorious odour, omo, d guy was furious. He told all of us in the class to stand up.
      Two innocent guys in d front seat were picked out as the main suspect.
      Trust me,I had a very innocent face.no one paid attention to me. I jus locked up . If u see does guys then sha, you go suspect them. The guys kept pleadin and pleadin that it wasnt them that messed. For were,I still locked up. Cos I dey fear cane ,and dat particular teacher can cane sha.
      I guess He wasnt in the mood to flog anybody that day. He jus left d class. Anytym I rememba I go jus laff. Na wa.
      Abeg forgive my typos and gbaguns.
      #original gist

      Delete
    2. Lol.. funny gist

      Delete
    3. anonymous gangster14 January 2017 at 21:50

      Physis!?? Lol! Lwkmd!! Faeces Ni, lol!!

      Delete
  8. How the fight started.

    After church on Sunday, a wife saw her husband sitting quietly in the garden. She got concerned and decided to ask him,
    Wife: Hey darling, why are you sitting so quietly in the garden? What is it that is bothering you?
    Husband:I'm still thinking about the confession of our pastor. It's making me uncomfortable.
    Wife: What is it?"
    Husband: The pastor confessed he slept with all married and single women in the church but ONLY ONE woman didn't want to sleep with him because she fears God."
    Wife: It must be that Madam Comfort! She thinks she's better than everyone of us!
    ������
    Trouble!!!! Copied

    ReplyDelete
  9. There are 5 levels of hunger in this Buhari regime.
    Level 1: When your stomach is rumbling and the worms in your stomach are activated to bite you.
    Level 2: Your head starts hearing a funny sound and you feel as if you want to faint.
    Level 3: You start seeing stars and images that are not there.
    Level 4: You will be approached by a friend for a handshake and then you will see 3 different hands that wants to shake you
    Level 5: You can't move your body because you are in between the natural state and supernatural state because you are both blind, deaf, dumb and lame that you cannot even stand up, sleep or be awake.#copied

    ReplyDelete
  10. EVEN THE BIBLE KNOWS THAT YOU ARE WAITING FOR "MMM" TO RE-OPEN ON THE 14TH OF JANUARY 2017.
    TAKE A LOOK

    Ezra 6:19
    "And the children of captivity kept the passover upon the FOURTEENTH day of the first month".
    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    #copied

    ReplyDelete
  11. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  12. A young man was ready for marriage but wanted a virgin, so he went to the village to get himself a bride. As soon as he got there, he chose the first girl he saw and left to get married to her. On the wedding night, he and his bride were about to do the 'thing' when he discovered she was very hairy below. So he complained and said...
    HUSBAND: Indeed you are a village girl! Don't you know you should have shaved this bushy hair.
    VILLAGE GIRL: Ha! Shave what?! This is the reason why all the boys in the village call me Afrobaby.
    The husband fainted! copy copy

    ReplyDelete

  13. I invited my girlfriend to go to the gym with me and then I didn’t show.

    I hope she gets the message that we’re not working out.

    ReplyDelete
  14. I was feeling very lonely so I bought some shares.

    It’s nice to have a bit of company.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Guys listen if a Benin girl is dying for you, you better die back for her unless she will kill you and you will still die!
    #copied#

    ReplyDelete
  16. Let the gist flow
    Stellacious release the comments

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Can't stop laughing..I went to eat amala at joint in Surulere, while waiting for chamge a woman with a little child was in front of me. Before the woman could get her change the little girl reached for the door and started heading towards the road the door. The woman shouted; "Degree wait for me". I was so amazed hearing that name. So to satisfy my curiousity, I walked closer to the woman and asked; "ma, why do u call this child degree"? The woman laughed and said "I sent her mother to the University and this is what she brought home...
      I was literally ROTFL but on hindsight, I pity the little girl. ROTFL again.

      Delete
    2. Origi what?
      Something that was posted on this blog early last year abi 2015 sef on in house news.
      Sofree you hear?

      Delete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I am so embarrassed I was in the public toilets  and I had just
    sat down, a voice from the next cubicle said “Hi!, how are
    you?” Embarrassed, I said, “I’m doing fine” The voice said
    “So what are you up to?” I said, “Just doing the same as you,
    sitting here!” The voice said “Can I come over?” ...
    Annoyed, I said, "no I am busy right now” The voice said,
    “Listen, i will have to call you back, there’s an idiot next door
    answering all my questions· 
    LOL

    #COPIED

    ReplyDelete
  19. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  20. A woman is at home when she hears someone knocking at
    her door.
    She goes to the door opens it and sees a man standing
    there.
    He asks the lady, "Do you have a Vagina?"
    She slams the door in disgust.
    The next morning she hears a knock at the door, its the
    same man and he asks the same question to the woman,
    "Do you have a Vagina?"
    She slams the door again.
    Later that night when her husband gets home she tell him
    what has happened for the last two days.
    The husband tells his wife in a loving and concerned voice,
    "Honey, I am taking an off tomorrow so as to be home,
    just incase this guy shows up again."
    The next morning they hear a knock at the door and both
    ran for the door.
    The husband whisperes to the wife, "Honey, im going to
    hide behind the door and listen and if it is the same guy I
    want you to answer yes to the
    question because I want to a see where he's going with
    this."
    She nods yes to her husband and opens the door.
    Sure enough the same fellow is standing there, he asks, "Do
    you have a Vagina?"
    "Yes I do." says the lady.
    The man replies, "Good, would you mind telling your
    husband to leave my wife's alone and start using yours!"
    Copied

    ReplyDelete
  21. A man walks into a bar and says, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”He drinks the beer and then orders another saying, “Give me a beer before the problems start!”The bartender looks confused. This goes on for a while, and after the fifth beer the bartender is totally confused and asks the man “When are you going to pay for these beers?”The man answers, “Now the problems start!”

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Stella abeg choose the winner by ur self I don't trust these beggars u nominated for counting, they may arrange with someone and announce the person the winner so they can share the cash

      Delete
    2. U are stupid anonymous goat., U better go and work hard to make money for recharge card. Keep posting dry gists . U will never win. Ewu.

      Delete
  22. Ive been listening to selena gomez 'same old love ' esp d 'u left in peace but left me in pieces '
    Dis life is a pot of beans, d one u love doesnt love u whyl d ones u dont love can die for u. I was on my own nd someone tripped mi nd made mi fall in love, he couldnt atleast catch mi nd drop mi gently.
    I dont know wat I did to u Mr S,u made me belive we were progressing, d night bfore,we had a heart to heart talk only for u to b indifferent d next day, I call u, busy d call, I text u, u dont reply, I chat u up,u snub mi, u said u re looking for a faithful bride I try to convince u it wasnt enough, I wish u d best in life nd pray u find wat ure looking for,u tot mi a lesson tho 'love cant b forced'
    ive moved on, chats nd numbers have bin deleted,still hapy I met u tho.

    Love
    M. E

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eyah. Dont worry, you will be fine..be wasnt destined to be in ur life. You will get someone better

      Delete
    2. So sorry swèeetie...you ll be just fine....dont let this change you....theres nothing as attractive as happiness in a single girl

      Delete
    3. Awww why do I have to see this tonight

      Delete
    4. Are you there God... it's me Minx14 January 2017 at 21:54

      Very soon, you'll see why it didn't work. I know how you feel, trust me. *hugs

      Delete
  23. My former Indian boss once shared this gist with us. He said a friend of his who was also Indian had brought his new wife to Nigeria. Due to the nature of the job of this friend of his(construction) he was always travelling. So one of the top managers was having an affair with the Indian wife and the husband got wind of it. He now travelled down to India and did jazz for his wife. He was away in another state when he got a call to come down that something terrible had happened. The cheating wife and her lover were together in an hotel room and when the man penetrated her and removed his 'something', it turned to a snake. Head and all, Wriggling and hissing. The woman opened up that it's only the husband that knows the solution. The husband came back, after much pleading and due to the fact he had a good business relationship with the influential father of his wife's lover, he said the only solution was for the lover to insert the thing back into his wife's 'something'. When someone finally got hold of the snake head and inserted it, the woman died and the man's 'thing' became normal again. My boss said they kept it a secret because of the political career of the father of the lover boy. This gist was narrated to us in the office by my boss back then where I once worked, it is not copied. I hope I win something.
    #not copied.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Garbati : During an English lesson, the teacher
    instructed his students to write a composition...!!!
    Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience?Garbati did not write anything and kept seated.

    The teacher got puzzled, walked to Garbati's desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise.
    Garbati replied, "I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war. πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


    I'm not saying i hate my ex, am just saying that if i find her in hospital on life machine. I would unplug the machine and charge my phone. lol


    Guys...That girl who refused to show me her breast in school
    ..she is now feeding her baby in a bus next to me.
    God Is great.. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

    That Awkward moment......... When u are laffin so hard with ur crush.... Den a HEAVY CATARRH jump out of ur nose...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    FADALURD TAKE MY SOULπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

    Android fones can be so annoying.how do I explain it? , I just received a notification now that my bible app needs update, pls wat does d bible need update for? Has Adam eaten another apple?


    IPhone 7s earpiece is N67,000. My question is this...... will I be able to hear angel Micheal testing the trumpet two days before rapture??.

    # TroubleMaking is when you are in a canoe in
    the middle of a river, and you now start
    singing "Mami water power, powerless
    power..."


    When you take a girl to ATM she will start apologizing for things she hasn't Done.
    "Honey am sorry for shouting at you next week"

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


    When I get a Whatsapp Message asking me to forward it to
    10 people or I die in 7 days. I close the message and wait for
    death to come.

    U are 33 year old and ur role model is emmanuella; can't u see the devil is using ur life to play naira bet?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Tiwa

    ReplyDelete
  25. I will like to reward d winner with N5k

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you ...God will replenish your pocket
      Gisters take note

      Delete
    2. Money maker you have started again..

      Delete
    3. Lol. You're offering to pay 5k? Isn't this the same issue that made "Moneymaker" rebrand as "James", when Moneymaker couldn't fulfill his promise of awarding money to whoever wins IHG... not that I'm saying you're Mon..I mean Jame.. sorry, sorry Peacemaker! πŸ˜‰

      Delete
    4. money maker himself. Ezego 1 of sdk.

      Delete
  26. Garbati : During an English lesson, the teacher
    instructed his students to write a composition...!!!
    Question: Assume you are in a war, write a story on your experience?Garbati did not write anything and kept seated.

    The teacher got puzzled, walked to Garbati's desk and asked him why he was not doing the exercise.
    Garbati replied, "I was killed immediately at the beginning of the war. πŸ˜€πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


    I'm not saying i hate my ex, am just saying that if i find her in hospital on life machine. I would unplug the machine and charge my phone. lol


    Guys...That girl who refused to show me her breast in school
    ..she is now feeding her baby in a bus next to me.
    God Is great.. πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚ πŸ˜‚

    That Awkward moment......... When u are laffin so hard with ur crush.... Den a HEAVY CATARRH jump out of ur nose...πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
    FADALURD TAKE MY SOULπŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚.

    Android fones can be so annoying.how do I explain it? , I just received a notification now that my bible app needs update, pls wat does d bible need update for? Has Adam eaten another apple?


    IPhone 7s earpiece is N67,000. My question is this...... will I be able to hear angel Micheal testing the trumpet two days before rapture??.

    # TroubleMaking is when you are in a canoe in
    the middle of a river, and you now start
    singing "Mami water power, powerless
    power..."


    When you take a girl to ATM she will start apologizing for things she hasn't Done.
    "Honey am sorry for shouting at you next week"

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚


    When I get a Whatsapp Message asking me to forward it to
    10 people or I die in 7 days. I close the message and wait for
    death to come.

    U are 33 year old and ur role model is emmanuella; can't u see the devil is using ur life to play naira bet?πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

    Copied
    Tiwa

    ReplyDelete
  27. An Arab was admitted in the Hospital for a heart operation, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood in case the need arises. As the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the call went out to the neighboring towns. Finally an Igbo guy was located who had a similar type of blood. The IGBO guy willingly donated his blood for the Arab. After the surgery,the Arab sent the Igbo guy as appreciation, a new BMW 540iL, diamonds, lapis lazuli jewelry, and half a million US dollars. Once again the Arab had to go through a corrective surgery. His doctor telephoned the igbo dude who was more than happy to donate his blood again. After a successful surgery, the Arab sent the dude a thank you card and a box of almond chocolate & sweets. The igbo guy was shocked to see that the Arab this time did not reciprocate his kind gesture as he had anticipated. He phoned the Arab and told him, 'I thought this time you would give me Toyota Prado, Diamonds and Jewelry. But you gave only a card and a box of almond chocolate & sweets. To this the Arab replied 'Nwanne I can't help it, ..... Now I have igbo blood running in my veins!! πŸ˜‚πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜¬πŸ˜€πŸ˜€πŸ˜€.

    #copied

    ReplyDelete
  28. Rules and regulations

    1 Use a valid blog Id(Google/Blogger Id) to vote or post gist.
    2 Indicate if it is copied or original.
    3 Any gist or vote posted after 12midnight of today is invalid.
    4 An Id can post more than one gist and anyone of them that meets the winning conditions, WINS

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Say the winning conditions now oshi

      Delete
    2. But ur second says u can't post two gist now, abeg make una nack head together o,and arrive at the same conclusion

      Delete
  29. Stop kissing her lips and neck all the time that's not the only place for her body....surpriseher by kissing her Armpit ,,, moore tayo

    ReplyDelete
  30. #If you repeatedly criticize someone for liking something you don’t, they won’t stop liking it. They’ll stop liking you*

    ReplyDelete
  31. This actually happened not too long ago..
    Worst experience of my life,
    Let me tell my story...
     So the night before Sunday, my WhatsApp conversations were lit, I couldn't sleep, I was on my phone a paid typist
     I lost track of time and slept very late, mum literally woke me up an hour later to get ready for church, I was still tired AF but you can't disobey Mum.
     Fast-forward to Sunday service, the sermon was dull that day and the Air Condition was teasing me, young man didn't sleep at all last night.
     I was a sitting duck, my eyes were dancing to the beat of slumber
    And I was falling, I couldn't hold out much longer and then i fell into temptation I let my self go, I stopped fighting
    I feel deep asleep. Half-way through the sleep, I overheard the pastor say "STAND UP!"
    Startled..
    I quickly stood up, so no one would notice that I was asleep. I thought he meant "stand up for prayers" .
    You needed to see My face, when I realised I was the only one standing.
     I didn't understand when the ushers started directing me to the alter and the whole church started clapping for me. And cheering me. The pastor was smiling at me, I was confused, my father was looking at me, my mother, my friends too.
    "Have I fucked up?
     I went on,
    I can't go back now, just finish what has started, I still don't know why I was being taken to the altar. It was a long walk
     I got to the alter, and the pastor hugged me, took me by the hand
    and asked,

    "so my son, tell us, how long have you been masturbating?"Fgujjjuuiojbokklppom!!!!
     My heart stopped beating,
    My head caught flames,
    My lips dried up,
    I wanted to die.
     Pastor: "Church let's stretch out our hands to this young man & pray for him, let's cast away the unclean spirit of masturbation and lust"
     The only person I could see amongst the congregation was my Father.
    This man was staring at me without blinking.
     Well, I don't have a door for my room anymore.

    Moral of the story:
    The devil doesn't need an invitation to ruin your life.
    #copied

    ReplyDelete

  32. My IHG goes this way, when I was doing my ond, I have this friend that likes iyanga too much. She was one of my room mates actually, we are 4 in a room each one with her own bed. So one night I think around 2 am we were all fastasleep when we heard aloud shout 'yeyeye ooooooo'we all woke up and saw my room mate and her bf faning her private seriously, she was crying seriously. It was the next day we knew she sneaked the guy into the room with the light off and they were making love when the guy reached out and grabbed a container of ub relaxer thinking it was cream and rubbed it on her. They didn't notice till the guy bang finish. We laff sotey we start to cry. My room mate didn't go out for the next one week and she no fee close leg or wear pant for oneweek. #original

    ReplyDelete
  33. A funny friend of mine told me a story about his ex girlfriend sometime ago.
    He said the girl likes wearing plenty jewelries. She'll wear earrings (like 4 on each ears)bracelets,rings on fingers and knuckles, leg chain,bold necklace, waistchain(jigida)wristwatch and sunglasses.
    He said they were walking one day and then she slipped and fell,he said the sound he heard was "kpalaan"
    That she sounded like a stainless plate because of all the jewelries on her.
    I laughed like a mad woman that day.lol
    #ORIGINAL

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  34. A funny friend of mine told me a story about his ex girlfriend sometime ago.
    He said the girl likes wearing plenty jewelries. She'll wear earrings (like 4 on each ears)bracelets,rings on fingers and knuckles, leg chain,bold necklace, waistchain(jigida)wristwatch and sunglasses.
    He said they were walking one day and then she slipped and fell,he said the sound he heard was "kpalaan"
    That she sounded like a stainless plate because of all the jewelries on her.
    I laughed like a mad woman that day.lol
    #ORIGINAL

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  35. I was driving with someone so he told me to help him take over the wheel as he sighted an atm machine, he wanted to quickly use it and cash some money, quickly I gased as soon as he left thinking he would take sometime before coming out, immediately I gased he came back and said the machine wasn't working I was shaking cos I know what I had done, so I was to come out to return to the passenger's side,I noticed he covered his nose and then he saw a hole on my denim, torn clothe plus fart,he told me your jean is torn a horrible day not to forget

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  36. I just remembered one day in my way back from church inside a keke, this annoying dude was trying to hard to start a conversation & I wasn't in the mood. With the angry sun & hunger, all I could think of was how to get home.
    Just because I managed to respond to his greetings he felt he had met his wife. Next thing, I was about a lighting when I heard " So baby girl (I hate random people calling me that) can I have your number"?
    I didn't even know when I blurted out " What do you need my number for? Don't you have your own"? LOL
    Other passengers burst out laughing

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  37. So you'll be standing in queue and someone will come and say "am at your back". That is not the problem. Five more people will still come and say the same, soon they'll all be arguing over who is before who. That is when I'll bring out my earpiece and start appreciating Samsung, these people can't come and give my BP a rise,

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  38. So one day I was hungry so I bought bread. I sent my neighbour's son Ewa agoyin and water. The boy came back 20 minutes later and told me there's no beans and he forgot to buy water. I had eaten bread to half and I wasn't feeling comfortable any more. I told him to check another place while I boiled my bathing water to drink. Not too long after my friends came in and ask me to dress up for a party. I couldn't tell them what's wrong so I dressed up and we went for a wedding in town. When we got to the wedding I had a seizure and I peed on my body and also shit on myself. When I got back to life I noticed everyone is keeping a distance from me and my friends put me in a cab to take me home. #original

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  39. Happy weekend peepz. This gist happened to me during d xmas period. Now let me describe my boyfriend, he's an insecure, over jealous, quick to act, hot tempered guy. Back to my story. On xmas day i changed my status on whatsapp to "Feliz navidad..... I'm gonna wish u a merry christmas from d bottom of my heart". The next thing a received messages from my boyfriend calling me names and later said IT'S OVER in caps. I was shocked cos we didn't quarrel. I tried calling him but he refused picking my calls. I tried to send whatsapp messages but he had already blocked me. I login on facebook and noticed he changed his status from "in a relationship" to "single" then later blocked me. I sent him messages on phone for him to atleast tell me my offence b4 shuttig me out. I was so devastated, and thought someone must have bad mouthed me or my village ppl on my case. To be continued

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  41. There's this lady that just came to UK then from naija , she is a waffarian. We decided to go for a Nigerian comedy show one evening and we decided to meet at a certain bus stop. She was a JJC then and someone helped her buy her bus pass ( the bus pass come in 2 pieces , one the actual pass and the other a receipt but both pieces are same save for what in written on them)
    She told me that they got her 2 bus passes and when I examined it I told her the right one to use that the other is just the receipt .
    Any way bus came , I entered and as she entered , unfortunately she showed the wrong pass ie the receipt and the driver told her that that is not a bus pass but receipt , it took her sometime to understand that she needed to show him the actual bus pass , anyway I told her to get the right pass from her bag which she did and entered .
    On entering she sat close a guy and before I knew she was saying to the guy that it's been ages she used a public bus that she always go about in her car but her car is faulty hence she had to use the bus and because it's been long that's why she was showing the receipt ticket instead of the actual bus pass ticket .
    I was sitting behind them and I was speechless as she was forming , even adding fake accent ... I say my wafi sister no wan carry last o.

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  42. A young boy steals from,his street and he is being given a hot chase by a crowd...so he gets to a good spot and hides,after much searching for him and they could not find him one of the guys said make we trick this akpos Una know say he nor wise so he screamed AKPOS WE DON DEY GO OOO,HIDE FOREVER OOO BUT NOR LET US CATCH YOU IF NOT....then they all hid themselves and kept quiet but Akpos was seeing them all hide so he screamed from his hiding place UNA FIT SAY I BE MUMU ABI,I DEY SEE ALL OF UNA AS UNA DEY HIDE,ME I NOR BLIND OOO...they caught him and gave him the beating of his life

    Few days passed and Akpos steals again and is being chased and as usual he hides again and after hours of unsuccessfully finding him they decide to trick him again but some say no ooo it won't work but alas they decided to try and screamed AKPOS OYA JUST COME OUT WE PROMISE WE NOR GO BEAT YOU AT ALL NA JUST WETIN YOU THIEF WE WANT...then Akpos foolishly replied loudly from his hiding spot NA BIG LIE BE THAT NOR BE SO UNA SAY UNA DON GO WHICH DAY AND UNA STILL DEY THERE he was traced to his hiding spot and thoroughly beaten once more

    Few weeks passed and Akpos once more steals again and is being chased heavily them he hides successfully on top a tree and the crowd just get there as they are about searching for him Akpos screams from top of the tree down to them SEE MAKE I TELL ALL OF UNA TODAY EHEN IF UNA LIKE UNA TRY ALL OF UNA TRICK AND LIES I NOR GO FALL PUT THIS TIME,SO MAKE UNA NOR WASTE UNA TIME

    #ORIGINAL (Composed or created this myself)😁😁😁

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  43. Stella abeg choose the winner by ur self I don't trust these beggars u nominated for counting, they may arrange with someone and announce the person the winner so they can share the cash

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    Replies
    1. Bitter much ? Receive your healing now

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  44. So Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the
    school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she
    is absolutely sure she will win it.
    One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says "teacher,
    I'll bet you 50, 000 naira, I can guess what color your underwear is."
    She replies, "okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it."
    But beforeclass ends, she goes to the restroom and
    removes her panties.
    After class is over and the studentsclear out, Johnny makes
    his guess.
    "Blue."
    "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to
    reveal she isn't wearing any underwear.
    "Well come with me out to my dads car, he's waiting for
    me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out.
    When they get to the car she informs his dad that he got
    the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't
    wearing any underwear.
    His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me 100, 000 naira this
    morning that he'd see your pus** before the end of the
    day!" copied

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  45. I called his friend to help me find out what d problem is. He called n said my bf told him i cheated on him. I cried my eyes out n went to his place d following day.( we were in different local govt but same state).
    I got there n he called me names.... Green snake in green grass, a cheat e.t.c n said he has evidence. Dat i'm dating a guy called feliz navidad. Na so i put hands 4 head i no con know whether to shout or cry. He said i didn't even hide it n wished feliz navidad a merry xmas from d bottom of my heart. Datz when i got d whole stuff he was talking about. My status on xmas day was "feliz navidad....i'm gonna wish u a merry xmas from d bottom of my heart"
    i opened google immediately n typed "feliz navidad" n gave it to him to read.
    He was shocked n speechless immediately.
    He knelt down n started saying baby i'm sorry i was stupid n foolish, pls forgive me. His friend said oh boy u don fall hand big time n started begging aswell.
    #original gist

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    Replies
    1. If he's that stupid. Leave his arse.

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    2. Really?truly stupid, foolish and a dumb ass

      Delete
    3. Hmmmm.. Hope you have left him ooo
      Na so e dey start

      Delete
  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  47. Hi Stella, this is my gist, I hope it makes someone laugh. I am an old Bvn o, I sent you pictures and gist from the Enugu state day event celebrated in Lagos in 2015 and you posted.:-):-)

    My mum was home early from work one day and was talking to our family friend on the phone about working my brother's NYSC to Lagos this last batch that just left camp in December, he had asked if she was at work and she had said yes because she was supposed to be at work at that time but was home for some reason she didn't want to explain to him, so they concluded the nysc posting arrangement and time to end call, my mum pressed what I don't know on her phone and suddenly it turned to video call, my people, the next thing I heard was ahn ahn and I looked over and saw my uncle's face ( we call him uncle because we are from the same village and he is elderly ) on her phone screen, this was a woman that claimed to be at work suddenly caught on video call in her living room wearing bra and tying wrapper on her waist, she was trying to end the call and couldn't, next thing was she turned her phone screen towards me saying "I** come and end this call", me I started dodging o as I was also wearing bra and shorts (you remember the terrible heat in Lagos in November/December), this woman was chasing me with her phone screen as I was running from one corner of the parlour to the other shouting "ah ah, mummy, can't you see I am wearing bra too", she didn't care about that o, in her confusion she just wanted the call to be over, my brother (the one whose service they were discussing) collected the phone and it took him a while to end the video call and my family friend was just looking at his face without uttering a word for as long as it took, the man sef refused to end the call at his end and saw us clearly in our bra with boobs everywhere and he could see it was our living room as my mum turned her phone in every direction chasing me. After the episode we all laughed and laughed and i was asking my mum what kind of office do they sit in wearing bra with two children also half naked in tow. It was funny recalling the look on the man's face throughout the drama.
    People of God, do you know my brother was posted to kebbi state ooo, my mum had to cough up money for flight and redeployment after camp, he is back in Lagos now though. The man claims my brother worked it too late which was true but he helped with my posting to Lagos and I didn't pay a kobo so sometimes I wonder if the Kebbi posting was my mum's punishment for lying to him :-):-D:-) abi how una see am?

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    Replies
    1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

      Delete
    2. Na you win abeg.see as I'm laughing here and my neighbours re asking me what's wrong
      ....πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

      Delete
  48. So I was in the debating club in my secondary school, it happens that we were about to go for a debate with the neighbouring school which is also in my home town. The topic of the debate was "We are better than our forefathers. After reharsing all my points and being confident that I will shine. When it got to my turn, I observed all the protocols, And immediately I started stamaring. I am here to support the motion which says that we are better than our forefathers.... I said this over ten times before I started crying. I cried untill my time was up and the regulator rang the bell.till today I still can't tell why I cried. Pls stella I hope I qualify for the price. I really need it

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  49. A friend of mine was the lead vocalist in my church cos she has a nice voice, he only problem is she is alergic to foreign songs. Last Sunday she wanted to sing this song, crusified, led behind the stone, u lived to die......., what we heard was, LUCIFER,REST BEHIND THE STONE,.....
    COPIED

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  50. This happened to me a few years back in my University days
    I had 2 roommates who were both siblings. The elder one is Chi, younger Dera, myself W.
    Chi had written her final papers the previous day so she decided to take it upon herself to cook for us since Dera will finish hers the next day.
    I was still in my second year so I was still writing my exams.
    We all know how it is during exam week, you will be virtually left with nothing moneywise and provision-wise.
    So I had gone for an early morning exam empty stomach with Chi promising that we would have mountain of food to eat when we returned. Trust her, she is a great cook.
    On my return from exam hall, I didn’t even greet Chi, I just said, Chi how far na? and went straight to the pot, loaded my plate, only for me to look at Chi’s direction and saw her shivering like a fowl.
    Chi: Abeg, W, when you chop finish, come pray for me
    W: Wetin dey do u, Chi
    Chi: I know no oooo
    W: Hurriedly left the food, prayed for her, covered her with a wrapper and started eating.
    I hadn’t finished eating when Chi started crying. I had to give my-self some sense. Rushed my purse, carried Chi to the Clinic, deposited some money, called the younger sis, Dera to rush down to d hospital and also called home.
    We stayed at the clinic till 9:00pm and Chi’s BFF came to relieve me to go prepare for my next day exam.
    Dera and I left the hospital to our lodge which was nicknamed ‘Snake Island’ because of the numerous snake you see virtually everywhere.
    Abeg pardon me, make I use pidgin continue from here, English don tire me (lol)
    Na him me and Dera come reach front of our gate. Dera dey front while I dey back. The next thing wey I hear na ‘Fiam’. Before I know wetin dey happen, Dera don jump enter compound, na him one bros appear for my front.
    I just shock for two seconds, I come gather my senses come ask ‘ Na wetin? Bros come say ‘Bring out your phone and your purse’
    Me come say for where that one dey happen, I just fold my wrist say make I dash am one correct blow for face, na him I hear voice from my back ‘Don’t try that rubbish, bring out your phone’
    Na so I turn, lo and behold two other bigger bros dey my back with guns. I come begin blab ooooo
    W: 1. Bros no vex, na devil push me 2. Bros make una no vex, I no well, my brain been no correct before 3. Brother make una no vex, if I do am again make I purge for public 4. Bros if I try am again, make I baff naked.
    Na so dem begin laff oooooo come tell me say today be my lucky day. Common run inside idiot.
    Me just carry my two left legs come run pass my shadow self.
    This is the end of my tory
    Hope say I no waste una time. This one na original gist wey happen to me.
    N:B. Beeves abeg make una vote for me. I need this money to join pay me and my mama house rent. God bless #shines teeth#




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    Replies
    1. I didn't want to comment today but I just can't help it...πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…πŸ˜…

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  51. Story time, gist time. There's this guy I was dating at the time and so we do sit out once in a while. Meanwhile on this particular day, we did our usual sit outs with the company of his friends. And then one of them kept disturbing me that he wants company too, he even insisted she must be beautiful o if not wahala go dey. I put a call through to a friend of mine that likes those kind of arrangements and she appeared sharpa sharpa. On seeing that she met up to his standard, he ordered more drinks and chops. He kept on thanking me as though I handed him a gold medal. They later departed together that night.when he came to drop the girl in the morning oga chucks was frowning o, I even greeted him and he didn't answer me. Chai I was worried and I went to ask my friend if she had slept with him that night she said " God Forbid" I went further to ask my bf what transpired between Chucks and my friend to the extent that I greeted him and he didn't answer. My bf came back laughing in a scornful way and when he told me, I couldn't help but laugh too. He said" Chucks said he was swimming through out last night in between your friend's thighs. He couldn't find friction. Chai. Now tell me if you were chucks will you reply to my greetings? I sha thank God Him no drown. Nonsense somebori

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  52. my first time in. lagos years back was a memorable one. on a faithful Saturday morning, my cousin and I boarded a bus to computer village to buy me my first phone. while on transit a passenger alighted a pole before our bustop. instead of alighting alongside d passenger we sat back for our bustop. wen d bus got to d bustop we shouted owa. d conductor said y didn't we alight wen d other passenger did. he said he wasn't goin to stop. my cousin who is a guy jumped. d bus was in motion I had to jump too
    I neva knew there is a. way u are expected to jump to avoid fallin to d ground. as a novist, dats how I jumped and found myself close to d gutter face down. felt so embarrased as a lady. my cousin didn't even look at me he kept a distance as he was also embarrased.

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  53. I'll tell everyone a story my sister wrote many years ago


    Papa nd mama kpakromo wanted to go on a wedding ceremony so they called their children funke nd Ago kpakromo to instruct dem on how to live till they came back
    ...........
    This one is a sure gist that got spreading now
    How a guy with his best friend took his girlfriend to carry out an abortion plan .

    Okay lemmi

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  54. When I was in secondary sch, a boarder to be precise. There was this particular senior that was excellent at punishing me bcos I refused to link him with my sister. He would flog and punish me, ask me to push animals he drew on the wall etc.
    I always knew I was gonna get back at him someday. On that fateful day, after his waec and neco exams, the night before the ss3 students were to leave after the claiming of new bunks and lockers I waited for him to sleep
    Being a boys hostel he slept naked like most of us. I applied close up to his closed eyelids and to both his index fingers. I had to be very quiet to avoid being skinned alive if caught.
    The next morning, around 5am, what we heard was "my eyes! My eyes!!" and to God be the glory he used his index fingers to rub both eyes.
    If you reading this sodiq, I did that to you. Deuces!!

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  55. Una get power for the gist. Nothing comes easy when it's coming from Stella's pocket. If she wants to give out something,you go fear the many ceremonies wen go follow am. See how she dey use una play since with the promise of 30k wen nobody send am. Winners are very much ok with the cards. Stop putting them in a state of nerves and expectation. Eventually,you will always hyponotize someone to bail u out. SDK learn how to give without stress and ceremony.

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    Replies
    1. We are not complaining so mind your business.In as much as we all re having fun we re cool with her even if there's no prize for it...

      Delete
  56. When jamb finally start to give admission.
    David: guy how far nah
    Khasie: I dey oo.. u dey dis school?
    David: Yes oooo!!
    Khasie: which course???
    David: Banking and surgery.
    Khasie: Oboi.... me na Islamic fishery dem give me ooooo.
    Haha!! Oya put your own combination make we catch fun jorrh....
    As for me, na political Geology I dey study now, but I still dey plan to change am to accounting nutrition!!! One of my friend is doing animal engineering and the other one mechanical yoruba. Copied.

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  57. My home town in Kogi state. Some Fulani's met with some ladies in their way to farm told them they want to have sex with them, they agree and charge the Fulani's 40 Naira per head, when they started they where expecting the Fulani's to do a sharp one n stand up for where, den no ready , naxo the babes begin scream oooo, umaku, Umaku,t umaku the Fulani's said kumana muri meji bawasa ba me. The meaning is I will die Ooo I will die Ooo n the reply was die now 40 naira no be small money ooooo.

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  58. My home town in Kogi state. Some Fulani's met with some ladies in their way to farm told them they want to have sex with them, they agree and charge the Fulani's 40 Naira per head, when they started they where expecting the Fulani's to do a sharp one n stand up for where, den no ready , naxo the babes begin scream oooo, umaku, Umaku,t umaku the Fulani's said kumana muri meji bawasa ba me. The meaning is I will die Ooo I will die Ooo n the reply was die now 40 naira no be small money ooooo.

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  59. there was a day it rained heavily.my mum returned from work and commented on how heavy the rain was.my three year old brother asked my mum 'mummy,do live in the heaven'? my mum said yes then he said 'chai,rain will be falling on jesus because he lives in 'the' heaven'.Lol

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  60. Miss Aboki where art thou today?

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    Replies
    1. I am here ooo. No gist today + house work is killing me. I no see time touch phone sef

      Delete
    2. Eyah!! One of those days eh. Kpele, e dey happen.

      Delete
  61. *There are five friends named**Somebody*, *nobody,* *mad, stupid and fool**Somebody and nobody were fighting**Somebody killed nobody**Mad quickly called the police**Mad: Hello sir**Police: can we help you**Mad: yes somebody just killed nobody**Police: are u stupid!!**Mad: no, stupid is in the bathroom bathing**Police: are u mad!!!**Mad: yes am mad**Police: you must be a fool!!!**Mad: no, fool is the one reading this message*

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  62. I remember in ss1 during french class someone farted, the french teacher quietly locked all the windows,turned on the air conditioner and locked the door and left us with chilled mess. Damn that day we really swore for the culprit's life oh!

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  63. So I just came back from the days hussle and my compound is in chaos. Wetin happen I asked my Gateman... He said shey I know The Uches have a lil baby of about 2-3months , I said yes I know and he said shey I know Mrs uche usually leaves the baby at home for the house help to cater for while she's at work, I said yes I know. Now this particular day Mr uche comes back during the day and bumps into the house girl breast feeding his baby, he was so mad he asked the house girl why and she said the baby had finished all the whole bottle of milk Mrs uche extracted and the baby has been crying since so she had no choice but to breast feed him so he could stop crying. Mr uche out of anger said he would suck the house girls breast to see if there's milk in the breast, as Mr Uche bent down to start sucking the breast his wife came in and caught him red handed. Now the whole compound is on fire cos she doesn't want to believe he was only TESTING the breast. So people I need serious advice ..should the wife forgive him?

    #truestory

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